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I Am a Recovering Self-harmer

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 220 People

    10 years. From the young age of 9.

    That's when it started. I remember the first time. .. The drama. .. The tears. ..The silence. ..The blood. But I also remember the sheer relief that followed. It took me a few years to tell my mum. Even after she found out, I didn't tell her when I hurt myself. It got so bad...
    TheOriginalDarkHorse TheOriginalDarkHorse 18-21, F 1 Response May 18

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    11.5 weeks harm free

    but I'm having a hard time. I have bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder which is making my life hard plus I just lost a good friend. Things have been hard and when things get hard it's easy to turn to self harm, but I'm really trying to stay strong. I'm just...
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F Jun 12

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    I am feeling really suicidal considering

    overdosing and I really just need someone to talk to
    homewardbound1990 homewardbound1990 22-25, F 2 Responses May 16

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    Almost cut last night,

    I was upset and I was sitting in the bathroom holding my razor and I was crying of course because I was torn over what to do. I had the urge to do it but I thought about all the hard work to get to where I was and I managed to put the razor down for the night. I was hoping that...
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F Jun 30

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    7 and 1/2 weeks clean!

    The urges are still there but they are getting better. I am hopeful that the more I stay clean the less the urges will affect me. My therapy also seems to be helping and my meds have finally started working, so things seem to be coming together I can't wait until I get past the...
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F May 16

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    10 days clean today. Pretty proud of myself.

    Had really bad urges yesterday, but I overcame them.
    EmoSakurachan EmoSakurachan 16-17 Apr 21

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    So yesterday I was having some major problem

    with mood swings and I had a strong urge to cut myself again. Well good news: I didn't!!! And I'm extremely proud of myself!!! :D
    EmoSakurachan EmoSakurachan 16-17 Mar 8

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    18.5 weeks clean...I've been doing a good job

    but today I lost another friend...a friend of mine says he still has feelings for me and even though I've told him I just want to be friends he wants to be more and he said it's bugging him so much that he needs a break from me..so he doesn't want to see me or anything until he...
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F 4 hrs ago

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    I have been self-harming in some way

    for almost 12 years. I am currently 17, I will be 18 this year (2014) . I have had my relapses and previously had only been capable of being clean for a month. This try however, has been TWO months and a week. Recovery is possible. Im on here to talk about my story, how to...
    BrokenButNotBeaten BrokenButNotBeaten 16-17, F May 9

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    It's been about two weeks

    since I last cut. I had the urge Sunday so I went outside and beat a tree with a broom. πŸ˜•
    PurpleHart PurpleHart 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 15

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    17 weeks clean...FREEDOM!

    !! Loving it the urges are slowly going away as I am realizing nothing is worth cutting over, when I'm hurting u won't contribute to myself hurting more!!
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F Jul 22

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    Recovery Realizing that you're worth

    it Experiencing true happiness Caring about yourself Overcoming your own demons Validating your worth Eating without regret Relapse-it's bound to happen, and that's ok Yearning to live I found this on the internet a few weeks ago, and I've realized that this really IS what...
    EmoSakurachan EmoSakurachan 16-17 Dec 27, 2013

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    I was self harm free

    for about five months, and one day I started having rushing thoughts I started overthinking everything I saw everything that wasn't bad as a horrible thing . I was anxious I started looking for relief when I found a box I had hidden from myself . In that box I had blades and...
    uunbroken uunbroken 13-15, F Apr 17

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    My Story: Self Harm

    I started self harming in eighth grade. I was still recovering emotionally from my parents divorce when I was in sixth grade. In sixth grade I was thrust into the responsibility of being a parent figure to my younger siblings, and two out of the three have ADHD. Taking care of...
    littleoneforever littleoneforever 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 8, 2012

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    It's been 3 months and 2 days

    since I last harmed. It's getting more and more difficult to stay strong, I posted not too long ago that I was struggling and I still am. Everything in my life is taking it's toll on me and staying harm free is incredibly difficult when that's all you know when things get tough...
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 18

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    Idk If I'm recovering.

    ..? Since I did it like last week...:/ but I would like to find ppl like me...
    slenderlovefoeeva2367 slenderlovefoeeva2367 13-15, F 6 Responses May 13

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    This world This world is

    but a city, corrupt, burnt, and fallen. Its soul has gone black. This world is but a scar, torn, shattered, and broken. Its damage can’t be healed. This world is but a curse, dark, hollow, and lost. Its wounds self inflicted. This world is but a memory. Ancient, painful...
    imrolling imrolling 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 1

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    Imdestroyed Imdestroyed 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 21

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    It's been about 4 months

    since I've self harmed. I have been self harming since I was 12 and I'm 20 now. Although it's been 4 months I struggle everyday not to harm. Cutting and burning became my ways of coping and my addiction. You'd think that after a certain amount of time it would get easier to stay...
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F Mar 19

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    5 weeks clean. It not a lot

    but it's something. Still have urges everyday but that'll last a while, maybe years so I'll just have to keep fighting it, everyday I find reasons as to why I should harm myself and it's like an addiction too but so far harming has not lead me to a happy life only this cycle of...
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 29

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    So happy I made it to the 4 month mark a few

    days ago!!! Still staying strong even though the urges won't settle!! For now I'm winning :)
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 16

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    Falling again ... I can't help

    but think about vomiting when I eat...
    Imfearlessbae Imfearlessbae 16-17, F 1 Response Jan 24

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    I recently returned from an amazing week of

    summer camp. I've been struggling with eating and cutting really bad these past few months. At camp my health was an issue. The EMT at the camp had read me this story and it has changed my life forever. The story is called "to write love on her arms." Right after he shared this...
    ebai3489 ebai3489 16-17, F Jun 9

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    I Dont Know If I Should Even Call Myself Recovering

    I am on the path to stopping but like everyone knows its easier said that done. I hate that im a self harmer, and i know a lot of people think im pathetic and such but when you have absolutely no one to turn to, and you dont know how to get rid of these feelings inside of you...
    UmbraEyes UmbraEyes 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 8, 2012

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    So today, I have to give up my very last blade.

    I haven't used it in almost two months, but it's gonna be weird not knowing where it is all the time. I mean, if I haven't used it in two months, I shouldn't need it anymore...right?
    EmoSakurachan EmoSakurachan 16-17 Feb 19

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    Step Follows Step

    I have been a self-harmer for almost three years now. I want to stop hurting myself this way, but I have to fight myself over it frequently. Every time I feel the need to burn myself or slice myself open it gets harder to resist again. Last week I gave in after a month of...
    Xenobia Xenobia 22-25, F 2 Responses Nov 9, 2009

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    I have legs covered in white lines.

    Its disgusting. Self harm is disgusting, I hate it and I regret all of it but I'm moving in with my life and I'm alive - that's what matters
    ararison ararison 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 12

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    I surprisingly fought the urge last night.

    I thought about it in the shower, and I picked up the razor, told myself later, but I never did it. :)
    EmoSakurachan EmoSakurachan 16-17 1 Response Apr 1

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    The last time I cut myself was yesterday.

    I regret it, and I'm trying so hard to recover. But I black out and my mind just shuts down and I lose control. Then I can't remember what I did after I did it. I don't know how to gain dominance over these feelings. I want to stop. I've tried several different ways to get my...
    pennyly pennyly 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 19

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    10 weeks clean tomorrow!

    No cutting, burning, or starving myself! I'm not normally proud of myself but I can honestly say I am proud of what I have done so far! I hope to make it to the 3 month mark and farther!
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F Jun 1

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    2 months and 3 days clean!

    ! I almost cut today I had my razor in my hand but I put it down. I chose to fight it, I call the urge the "little monster" and I beat the monster today. For once I am proud of myself and I am never proud of myself for anything! I can't wait to make it 9 weeks self harm free!
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F 5 Responses May 22

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    I was 4 months self harm free

    but then I relapsed. Now I'm 3 weeks clean no where near 4 months but I'll hopefully get there. I'm just fighting the urge, fighting the addiction. It's not easy but that's what recovery is all about, having the strength to get through the pain. I hope I last 4 months again and...
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F Apr 17

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    My self harm has improved greatly over

    that last few years. I'd been self harming since I was 5 or 6 and cutting since I was 10c I haven't cut for 4 years now and it's months since I bruised or gave myself a bloody nose. I seem not have more and more reasons to keep going and finding other ways to cope, not a day...
    LastBusHome LastBusHome 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 10

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    Faded Scars

    I am a recovering cutter. But tonight, I look at the faded scar tissue up and down my wrists, throat, thighs, ankles, hands and stomach; and there is a part of me that wants more. It's a sick addiction, I know. But the pain I feel right now, or should be feeling I guess, is not...
    klizanne klizanne 16-17, F Feb 1, 2013

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    11 weeks clean today!

    Hooray for squashing the "little monster". I'm so happy I've made it this far. 3 month mark here I come!!
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F Jun 9

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    I go 3 days without breaking sometimes

    even a week. Every day I just try to not think. I break so frequently. I feel so weak. Ashamed but at the same time i feel better. i like being numb. im tried of fighting when it helps me get day to day
    Aunsd Aunsd 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 7

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    It has been around a month sense I last cut

    or burned myself I've been thinking about doing it again πŸ˜”
    emotionalyana emotionalyana 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 1

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    Related Experiences

    A couple months ago, there was a time in my life that I felt worthless. I was depressed, I had no friends, and I just felt like I didn't deserve to be on this earth. So I cut...
    freesoul01 freesoul01 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 1

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    I am a cutter... I have been for a while now I deal with depression and I get bullied a lot at school like it was mostly everyday. I've been trying to fight it and I am doing...
    smilethroughit55 smilethroughit55 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 3

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    After being cheated on by my girlfriends in numerous relationships my depression worsened and I started to self-harm again, after being clean for a whole year. My whole...
    l0velyinsides l0velyinsides 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 15

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    Well my boyfriend broke up with me. I can't say I'm surprised or I blame him. I'm to ugly, stupid, and just an all around waste of space. No one should spend there time dating me...
    Imjustdone Imjustdone 16-17, M 1 Response Jul 1

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    I couldn't cut.. Like I don't know why but I just couldn't. I was sitting there with my blade and it just seemed like I didn't have the strength to do it. I'm really sad because I...
    Imjustdone Imjustdone 16-17, M 1 Response Jul 5

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    I only cut in my hip area so it's covered by my underwear. I don't know how but I guess my helper threw away my blade (I use a sharpener blade) because I really couldn't find it...
    odeybelle odeybelle 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 5

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    I used to stab my left hand with a pencil until I bled or until it was red or raw.
    EmmaTheQuiet EmmaTheQuiet 13-15, F Jul 6

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    I've started stabbing my hand again :(
    EmmaTheQuiet EmmaTheQuiet 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 7

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    Latest one yet no pain. I need a blade...
    thalassinia thalassinia 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 16

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    Trigger warning!!! I did words today for the first time. I wasn't really thinking while I did it. It just kind of happened. They hurt like hell but atleast now I'm marked by...
    Imjustdone Imjustdone 16-17, M Jul 17

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    Just ended a day's worth of not cutting. On one hip, I lost control and the scratches are shallow, but there are enough in one spot to make it look like its one big scrape. On the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 19

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    I don't know how long I've been clean and I think that's good. Don't count your days because you might convince yourself that "oh it's just 3 days, you can start over again! 3 days...
    kath12321 kath12321 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 19

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    This is so bad. I haven't had the urge this bad in a while. This is the kind of thing that makes me cut too deep. I really cant do this again. I DONT EVEN WANT TO ANYMORE.
    anburton00 anburton00 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I WAS clean for 3 months but tonight I am ashamed that I picked up my blade again and took to my hip. I hate myself every minute because of this!
    Itscaitlin Itscaitlin 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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