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I Am a Ritual Abuse Survivor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 187 People

    Only Good Little Girls Go To Heaven...

    PLEASE TAKE CARE WHEN YOU READ THIS. So...a little intro...we have DID/MPD and often speak in the plural because there's so many of us, and because its one of out "Bad Months" there's at least 10 + people at the front running things because every one inside is so scared to be...
    SystemK SystemK 22-25 1 Response Jul 8, 2012

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    Dear Therapist - From Sabrina

    For thos who dont know us we have a condition called DID and we found this letter on our computer and felt it needed to be shared. HUGE TRIGGER WARNING! TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELVES!. 8/14/2012 10:00 Pm Hi Harry, My names Sabrina and im 12 years old. i have been trying to write to...
    SystemK SystemK 22-25 4 Responses Oct 31, 2012

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    Can Anyone Help With My Questions?

    I have a couple of questions I wanted to share with anyone who would be willing to talk with me. I am new to this site so am not sure what I am allowed to asked on here. I would appreciate anyone giving me advice. thanks
    jblm4 jblm4 51-55 5 Responses Apr 14, 2012

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    Not a Lot of Memory

     I don't have much memory of my childhood and adolescent years... and I'm not far beyond that.  I was diagnosed as DID about 18 months ago or so. I wasn't too surprised about having alters as I was used to having people talk to me about things I supposedly did but had...
    alalife alalife 22-25, F 1 Response Sep 13, 2008

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    Out, Or Just Think So?

    I wonder how to know for sure if I'm out. I got rid of an ex whom I have no idea why I married. Fits cult profile blue/blond/tall. Prefer brown/brown/just taller than myself, though I don't limit myself. Everything felt better when he was finally gone. I live alone, as I want...
    Imewe Imewe 36-40, F 1 Response Sep 10, 2013

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    Survival Not a Choice

    HI. I am a ritual abuse survivor. I grew up in a home where we went to church on Sundays, but in the evenings we went to SR meeting. I saw and experienced things noone would even imagine are real. It was common to see a sacrifice, or to be sexually abused and passed around...
    jewel4u32 jewel4u32 31-35, F 14 Responses Oct 7, 2007

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    My Story

    I was forced into ritual abuse as a form of punishment. My stepfather had been raping me and his mother was my babysitter. He went to jail for another crime and while he was gone I decided to finally tell someone about what he was doing to me. There was a trial and all that...
    ladywhistledown ladywhistledown 26-30, F 15 Responses Oct 8, 2007

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    Poems By Frozen

    these poems were written between the dates of 6-30-12 and 7-17-12 by a young girl in our system named Frozen. these poems are graphic so please take care of your self. FROZEN SPRING A chill in the air a cry of despair don't cry the sun is here theres nothing to fear...
    SystemK SystemK 22-25 3 Responses Jul 20, 2012

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    Steps To Healing

    My journey into the ritual abuse survivor world began 20 years ago. I retired from a 23 year therapist career to care for an ill daughter. Knowing I was a former supervisor of mental health, several ritual abuse survivors approached me asking for help. My "volunteer" work with...
    jbyington jbyington 66-70 Jul 18, 2012

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    Many Of Us DID/SRA

    I am 23 years old and in 2010 I was diagnosed with DID/then in 2011 as memories began surfacing I went back to Timberlawn (the hospital that diagnosed me) and was diagnosed with SRA - Satanic Ritual Abuse.. I am looking for others like me to share experiences with and to give and...
    Prettykate1989 Prettykate1989 22-25, F Oct 28, 2013

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    I Am A Ritual Abuse Survivor Also.

    pages with information on ritual abuse http://ritualabuse.us http://childabusewiki.org/index.php?title=Ritual_Abuse   http://www.ritualabusetorture.org/ http://www.ra-info.org http://www.survivorship.org http://web.archive.org/web/20071218103952/http://www.aches-mc...
    stopritualabuse stopritualabuse 46-50 Nov 21, 2009

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    Sigh

    I wonder if anyone could possibly understand (other than other survivors) what it's like to be having a pretty good day... going about your life, being happy, getting stuff done, and feeling good.....while at the same time - on the inside you got someone agitated, pacing, needing...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Mar 20, 2012

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    Every Time I Wake Up...

    since i was a teenager and realized what was happening and told people and asked for help to make it stop, they do it worse and shut me up. the first time i heard to keep my mouth shut i was 16. then when it all got worse, i got yelled at for keeping my mouth shut. when your...
    moon1376 moon1376 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 12, 2013

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    Need Help In Colorado

    my story starts with some memories about my father in dec 2011 of sex abuse then i was watching a show about child pervs and it said they will drug you in order to rape ur kids and i thought that explains these 2 drug tests back in 2005 that showed bzo (sleeping pills) and i dont...
    skye925 skye925 36-40, F 1 Response Sep 12, 2013

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    Lies And Secrets

    I was lying to myself to keep their secret. It's almost the end of march2012. It was about the beginning of feb2012 when I had my breakthrough. I'm a great actor. I learned how to act human by television. I had been with the same woman, my wife, since 1991. When we first...
    meetingself meetingself 41-45 5 Responses Mar 23, 2012

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    Bad Day

    we are really struggling not to hurt ourself right now.we want to soooo badly. we won't.  we can't.  it's notallowed.  the protectors have a rule.  noone can harmthemselves, each other, or the body.  when the protectorsset a rule we all have to follow it whether we want to...
    TruthSpeaks71 TruthSpeaks71 41-45 3 Responses Aug 19, 2012

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    I have recently started having flashbacks of

    past ritual abuse. My family that was not part of it is in denial. They don't believe me so I act like I don't believe it myself and that I was brainwashed. Fact is I wasn't. I have days where just the way a room looks; or the way something is arranged terrifies me where I want...
    TatteredSoul24 TatteredSoul24 18-21, F May 27

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    Ritual Abuse. A Survivor's Abc's (a Poem)

    Well, we have been here for a few days, and have tried a few times to write an introduction but we are anxious and don't know what to say. so we decided we'd start with a poem. a very little background: we are a severe abuse survivor. Sexual abuse at home from the father starting...
    TruthSpeaks71 TruthSpeaks71 41-45 3 Responses Aug 6, 2012

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    In The Name Of God

    We feel so isolated right now, where we are vary happy to have found other RA survivors...but even still we feel so alone...every one eles was abused in the name of Satan or by witches or by other cults ...but we have never found any one like us who was abused in the name of god...
    SystemK SystemK 22-25 2 Responses Jul 10, 2012

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    How To Know

    Some people believe it's fear mongering and others state that the stories are so bizarre that the claim is not to be believed. Many police forces and psychiatrists across the United States and Canada are taking ritual abuse seriously. Many states have taken this form of abuse...
    moon1376 moon1376 36-40, F 2 Responses Mar 17, 2013

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    Stuck In The Middle Between "no It Didn't" And "yes It Did"

    It is miraculous that I found this group! I have done internet searches before and have never come up with anything. So I am glad you are here. I don't have memories, only feelings like certain things happened to me. It is crazymaking! I am not DID to the point that I lose time...
    MyselfLost MyselfLost 41-45, F Jan 5, 2013

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    New But With A Question?

    Hello, I am new here. I have DID. I am in therapy and learning my parts, and wow it has been terrifying and exhausting and really hard. The walls are thick, the memories are terrifying and seem so major, yet so small at the same time. We must have changed our system map ten...
    wearethree wearethree 36-40 Jan 2, 2013

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    Ritual Abuse Survivor To Famous Public Figure

    Teal Scott was born in Santa Fe New Mexico in the year 1984. In the first years of her life, it became apparent that she had been born with extrasensory abilities. Among these abilities she was born with were clairvoyance, clairsentience, clairaudience, the ability to manipulate...
    1 Response Jan 18, 2013

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    Twenty-two Faces: Inside The Extraordinary Life Of Jenny Hill And Her Twenty-two Multiple Personalities

    Twenty-Two Faces, the biography of Jenny Hill, has just been released by Tate Publishing: Oklahoma. Referring to journals written throughout childhood, Jenny documents how as a five year-old she overcomes trauma by turning to prayer while utilizing her alter states to...
    22faces 22faces 41-45 Jul 6, 2012

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    Ritual Abuse Of Children

    to this day I carry a scar on my head. It is a place where the scalp was forceably cut away in the shape of a devils horn. I was very small and to make matters worse they dosed me on acid so the fear and trauma would and has continued for decades. of course that is not all...
    familiarjackal familiarjackal 56-60, M 6 Responses Apr 10, 2012

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    I've been gone a long ,

    long time from the board. Is anybody out there?
    LaurenPathWalker LaurenPathWalker 46-50, F Feb 25

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    Not Going To Let The Bastards Win!

    I was involved in SRA for 50 years, getting out only 18 months ago. I have gotten out before but was always brought back in. Hope I'm out for good this time. I have DID and am often suicidal. I fight the battle every day. It is imperative that every SRA survivor tell their story...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Sep 10, 2012

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    One Day At a Time

    I am a survivor of many forms of abuse including SRA. I often think the phrase "out of the frying pan and into the fire" best describes my past.  My abuse was by people my mother entrusted with my care.  I'm a bit shy of going into anything as I...
    Mapple Mapple 46-50 3 Responses May 27, 2009

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    People Loss

     It was my dad who was involved in RA, I don't think my mom was aware of it but I'm not sure.  One of (if not my very first) splits to another alters occurred when I was just about 18 months old or so. That was when my father killed my brother. I had to watch. ...
    alalife alalife 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 14, 2008

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    I am just recoverring memories in pieces of the

    abuse I went through. It started when I was 3, I have scars, all small on my body. Some from knives, some that may be burns, but I'm not sure. I have a somewhat crooked face, I remember someone punching me in the face and breaking my cheek at about 3 to 4 years old. They were...
    setusfree14 setusfree14 31-35, F 1 Response Feb 10

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    I'M Not Part Of The World

    My uncle - my mother's brother - moved in when I turned 7 and it started almost immediately. It was normal molesting at first, fingers in my rectum and sex talk and such (that was the first day). My mother didn't listen to me. After catching her performing oral sex on him the...
    SevenPleiades SevenPleiades 18-21, F 3 Responses May 25, 2013

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    Monarch

    Im an SRA survivor and gangstalking victim.I have endured torture drugging rape MKULTRA and V2K. You name it. They still keep tabs on me through my handler and smartphone. Sometimes I want to run away but I have no where to go. My familyhas given me to another familyand they have...
    stellarstar01 stellarstar01 41-45, F Jan 16, 2013

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    Wanting Healing

    Hi, I'm a SRA survivor.  I believe I am the only relative on both sides of my parent's families that has escaped.  It was by luck, I married a man and moved away from Utah when I was 26.  I had children and never had any memories.  Then in my early 40's I slowly began...
    hurtingalot hurtingalot 46-50 4 Responses Mar 4, 2012

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    I have a really hard time sometimes.

    I've been going to church praying and reading my bible faithfully. I love Jesus with all my heart. I don't understand that personality shifts I experience. Some I'm fully aware of, others I'm not. I have a a lot of broken memories,they are pretty scary, and very tragic...
    setusfree14 setusfree14 31-35, F 1 Response Mar 29

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    Animal Abuse Part 1

    Hi I am new here but I would like to post my experiences. I dont think it is really ritual abuse but I think it comes close. This is all very embarrassing for me so apologies if this upsets anyone. I struggle to get through the days but I do manage just about. My natural dad...
    sashamoody48 sashamoody48 18-21 3 Responses Oct 18, 2010

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    Please Connect

    Hi, if anyone is a survivor of SRA and gangstalking please contact me.
    stellarstar01 stellarstar01 41-45, F Jan 16, 2013

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    Still Surviving

    It started out me being living with foster mother when I was four. Yeah she raise me alright....church was mandatory every sunday. Physical, emotional, and mental was an everyday. I couldnt under stand how christian woman can be so evil. My siblings and I was the family...
    Pink53 Pink53 26-30 5 Responses Oct 12, 2008

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    Multi-generational Satanic Cult In NY

    Three months before the birth of my son, back in 1993, the flashbacks began fast and furious. The trigger was a conversation with my troubled brother, after which I concluded that I had been sexually abused by my father. The very first flashback was a full fledged horror show: In...
    singdad singdad 46-50 7 Responses Dec 13, 2010

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    Looking For Help. SRA Survivor.

    I am looking for help, for a christian ministry that can help me heal from SRA. I am in Sydney Australia. Does anyone know where can I go?.
    trecedecenas trecedecenas 36-40, M 2 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    I,m A Survivor From Europe

    Hi all, i,m a survivor from Europe and was born in a aryan/nazigroup. Both of my parents and my sister are stil involved. Several years ago i was diagnosed; DID.  Since than i,m in therapy and stopped all the cotract with the cult. That wasn,t easy because than the programming...
    Stance Stance 41-45, F 5 Responses Jul 11, 2011

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    Inside The Extraordinary Life Of Jenny Hill And Her Twenty-two Multiple Personalities

    Twenty-Two Faces documents how the only known survivor-intended-victim of a modern-day human sacrifice ceremony six year-old Jenny Hill, overcomes multiplicity resulting from brainwashing, her perpetrators having subjected the child to insidious mind-control techniques culled...
    22faces 22faces 41-45 Jul 6, 2012

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    SRA/DID Survivor

    I hardly know what to say or where to start, so lets start with I was in my early twenties before my repressed memories of SA first starting coming out, then about 6 years later was diagnosed with DID and within a year SRA memories started coming. Here I am about 3 and half years...
    Rachel4now Rachel4now 31-35, F 23 Responses Feb 3, 2008

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    Still Recovering From Ritual Abuse

    I was ritually abused by a Pentecostal pastor close to where my family and I lived staring at age 4 years for at least 5 years. I was a friend of his daughter initially. I remember all kinds of terrible things, including bondage, torture, mind control,drugs, prostitution...
    TotallyMiffed TotallyMiffed 56-60 2 Responses Aug 31, 2011

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    Me

    Where to begin. I was diagnosed with D.I.D. in 1996. However, I was switching so much at the time that I did not really know about the diagnosis until 2008. I am a SRA survivor and again I did not really understand this until about 2006. I knew that I had major abuse issues...
    ambrosiakay ambrosiakay 31-35, F 2 Responses Feb 21, 2011

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    I Ran Away From A Cult/Coven 4 Months Ago... And I'm Pregnant

    I ran away from a cult/coven that my family and all of my friends are involved in (and that I was born into) in May. At the end of May, I realized my job was a cult-front company, and I fled there, as well. I was raped repeatedly at my old job with no memory of anything but...
    Runaway22 Runaway22 22-25, F 1 Response Sep 23, 2012

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    Is it possible that there are

    that many survivors of such horrible crimes against us? Why are so many in a certain ago group-seems like most are between 40-and 55. I think that the age thing is in part due to the new openness of the 60's revolution- but that's just a thought. Why are we hiding? Not that I'm...
    steveziggy steveziggy 51-55, M Feb 6

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    Diagnosis: RA/DID

    I live in Michigan and am a survivor of RA (ritual abuse) and am DID. 14 years ago, I had a life-changing encounter with the Lord the same day I had left the family to spend time with my cousin in Georgia. I had dropped out of college due to panic attacks and social phobia. The...
    DaSSRedemption DaSSRedemption 31-35, M 6 Responses Jan 1, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    Iv recently just left my partner due to domestic abuse, he first hit me the start of this year. he grabbed me by the neck on the bed, shouting abuse saying he hates me, I could not...
    Kelly1012 Kelly1012 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 9

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    I am 34, yet I still crave a father. My own father was cold, violent, and at times, delusional. My mother who by all appearances was a warm and loving mother, in private withheld...
    EverlyAnn EverlyAnn 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 30

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    It bothers me to this day. i am 37 years old. it affects everything i do. I have not told anyone about this ever. My earliest memory of my life is blotchy and black out mostly i...
    jeramiah76 jeramiah76 36-40, M 3 Responses Oct 2

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    It shouldn't hurt to be a child. No child should feel like they are alone in the world, and nothing that they can do is right, but so many do, and the ones who do, feel like they...
    SouthernBella89 SouthernBella89 22-25, F 5 Responses 5 days ago

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    Both my parents were physically abusive, they'd find any reason to hit me with just about anything, dad loved using the strap though but at least with him he got it over and done...
    jessefb80 jessefb80 31-35, M 4 Responses Sep 25

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    Mom was emotionally abusive, mostly. The was very good at emotionally blackmailing me, shaming, invalidating, and belittling. Those were her specialties. She was pretty big into...
    thecellardoor thecellardoor 31-35, F 1 Response