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I Am a Smartass

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 45,737 People

    Next time someone says,

    "no offense" after insulting you, Beat the sh*t out of 'em and say, "no harm done".
    texan75 texan75 36-40, F 2 Responses Oct 28, 2014

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    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 2 Responses Nov 15, 2014

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    Lollipop948 Lollipop948 13-15, M Jan 10

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    I have to be careful sometimes

    because while I think I'm pretty hilarious, not everyone does.
    purplemusicprincess purplemusicprincess 31-35, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    TCL009 TCL009 41-45, F 7 Responses Sep 12, 2014

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    My work is on fire lol

    but im on the clock for 30 more minutes so i have to stand outside til then
    Xychorite Xychorite 16-17, M 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    When life gives you lemons,

    buy some vodka and have a party!
    Babygirlr77 Babygirlr77 36-40, F 23 Responses Jan 7

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    kevans1906 kevans1906 26-30, F 2 Responses Jan 2

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    If you know me in person you wouldn't

    even be able to tell since I don't talk a lot, ha. But I promise, I mock you behind your back.
    IngensImpetum IngensImpetum 18-21, M 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F Jan 19

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F 7 Responses Jan 4

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    I've been called one,

    but I can't sit on a bowl of Baskin Robbins and tell you which of the 31 flavors it is.
    white95zj white95zj 31-35, M 2 Responses Jan 2

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    That awkward moment when your sarcasm is

    so good, people actually think you're stupid..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 5 Responses Jan 11

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    4SoulUrges 4SoulUrges 41-45, F 11 Responses Jan 11

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    When you hear a doctor ask a patient: "does

    your heart beat regularly?" And the patient replies: "no, it stops after 8pm. Mine's just lazy like that." Hahahaha oh my god.
    MyGuardianAngel MyGuardianAngel 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    Mom : What do you want from the grocery store?

    Me : Food. Mom : *sigh* What type of food? Me : The type you eat. Mom : *goes silent*
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 4 Responses Jan 10

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    i get grounded a lot

    for this, its whatever. but not really. i got kind of suspended from school for the rest of the week. i really didnt say anything this time, some one assumes i was thinking it and said it for me, but im still the one who needs a psych eval because i want to shoot up the school...
    notatrustfundbaby notatrustfundbaby 16-17, F 3 days ago

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    Look officer I'm not begin a smartass,

    Just saying if you caught me then you were speeding too
    SairaE SairaE 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 27, 2014

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    Disrespect Me, I'll Disrespect You i dont care

    about You or your Feelings Then
    briannabrib briannabrib 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 10, 2014

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    Ok, so I know I've talked about my daughter

    before, and about how she is quite a smartass (like her mother haha) but this little story truly shows who is the smartass-iest between the two of us: It's the Christmas season, and we are in the mall (West Edmonton Mall, for those in the know) She and I are walking past the...
    NotHisBabydoll NotHisBabydoll 41-45, F 15 Responses Dec 31, 2014

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    HOLY COOKIES. I GOT THE HIGHEST SCIENCE SCORE

    IN MY YEAR WITH 93% :D **** yeah! xD
    AmIKawaiiYetSenpai AmIKawaiiYetSenpai 13-15, F 8 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F 3 Responses Jan 19

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    I used to work at a recycling plant.

    My job was to crush cans. It was soda pressing.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 1 Response Nov 8, 2014

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    Tip: Learn the rules

    so you know how to break them properly.
    TCL009 TCL009 41-45, F 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    Where do i start ? I get annoyed easily ,

    im very short tempered as well . I maybe calm & ' holding my tongue at first , but afterwhile you can only push my " ANNOYANCE BUTTON " ONCE JUST ONCE ! NOT TWICE OR THREE TIMES , JUST ONCE .... Which leads to my smart *** mouth 😩 do i care ? Nope ! Why because you're...
    Hersheyykiss Hersheyykiss 22-25, F 4 Responses Jan 3

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    I went to see a psychic yesterday.

    He said "What's your name?" I said "I want my money back"
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 4 Responses Nov 6, 2014

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    I figure it's far better

    than being a dumbass!
    LikemYung LikemYung 31-35, M 5 Responses Aug 11, 2014

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    hii ..ne bdy wannabe frnd.

    .New in this grp
    arpit19 arpit19 26-30, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    A letter G walks into a Hexadecimal bar,

    The bar man says, "Why the wrong base?"
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 1 Response a week ago

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    Emilia0659 Emilia0659 18-21, F 15 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    I was in math class and I got bored

    so I started to doodle a skull (it's not weird I was trying to sketch from memory of a tv bones) anyway so she of course called on me and I answered all the questions 100% correct and I made all the sophomores jelly cause she gave me candy XD
    TrojanPrincess TrojanPrincess 13-15, F 2 Responses Jan 16

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    I turned up at a fancy dress party dressed

    as a football. I was immediately kicked out
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 4 Responses Jan 10

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    My daughter kills me.

    ..... She had a Social test in school.....one of the questions she didn't know the answer to. She wrote down 'Jesus' and put beside it (Jesus is always the answer) She didn't even get half a point!!!
    NotHisBabydoll NotHisBabydoll 41-45, F 20 Responses Nov 30, 2014

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    MyGuardianAngel MyGuardianAngel 22-25, F 7 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    They say I act like I don't give a ****.

    I tell them I'm not acting. ;)
    texan75 texan75 36-40, F 5 Responses Oct 28, 2014

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    I really wish I knew

    who kicked the jack out from under the car I was working on. The suspension is killing me.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 5 Responses Jul 26, 2014

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    My spam folder is full of e-mails offering

    cheap Viagra. They must think I'm a soft target.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    I'd rather be a smartass

    than a dumbass :)
    AngelinaMilano AngelinaMilano 16-17, F 3 Responses Jan 19

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    saintluci saintluci 31-35, F 7 Responses Jan 12

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    TCL009 TCL009 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 23, 2014

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    I'm a ***** and I like being one

    and I don't care if people don't like it. I'm only nice to people that deserve it, not old pedophiles & creeps & douchebags that act like their high and might because their older then me and will treat me rudely then call me immature when they are the ones starting it.
    kkam34 kkam34 13-15, F 1 day ago

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    Boyfriend: what are you wearing?

    Me: Clothes Boyfriend: ugh, you always know how to ruin a moment Me: lol... okayy...
    Ludjina1415 Ludjina1415 18-21, F 7 Responses Jan 19

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    No, I really do enjoy getting phone calls at 2

    in the morning about your dumb relationship problems. I mean, who needs to sleep, right?
    EmereyTragedy EmereyTragedy 16-17, F 5 Responses Dec 29, 2014

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    Humanity is losing its geniuses.

    Aristotle died, Newton passed away, Einstein died, and I'm not feeling well today...
    RebeccaMontero RebeccaMontero 22-25, F 11 Responses Nov 22, 2014

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    Tinboxdoll Tinboxdoll 36-40, F 3 Responses Jan 7

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    Relationships are a lot like algebra.

    .. Ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 1 Response Jul 30, 2014

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    mollypopp mollypopp 13-15, F 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    And so is my daughter.

    ..... Tonight, as I pull into the drive, I notice the amount of snow on the driveway and walkway. I said to my girl, sitting beside me in the truck, "I want you to shovel the driveway again." She raises her eyebrow, sighs and says, "Yeah.....and I want a horse." as her mouth...
    NotHisBabydoll NotHisBabydoll 41-45, F 8 Responses Nov 25, 2014

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    When people ask me something like ,

    what kind of weed you have i be like "the good kind" .
    YungKhroniK YungKhroniK 13-15, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    I always seem to be a smartass to everyone,

    if someone asks "what's up?" I reply with "the sky". Do you get me?
    QueenOfFire212 QueenOfFire212 26-30, F 38 Responses Sep 23, 2014

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    I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with

    "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
    TCL009 TCL009 41-45, F 6 Responses Sep 11, 2014

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    Absolute late but hell.

    .. Happy New Years... Lol
    Blaine1102 Blaine1102 26-30, M Jan 2

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