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I Am a Smartass

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 19,252 People

    I Will Go To Great Lengths Just To Be Right

    So....the other day while I was at work, I had a lady intent on arguing with me about which foods will make you cry.... She kept insisting that onions are the only food that make a person cry.... So I threw a coconut at her face. She cried....I win....
    Babydoll42 Babydoll42 41-45, F 7 Responses Jun 25, 2012

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    Too much for my own good sometimes.

    But if you act like an ***, I should be smart.
    holloway64 holloway64 46-50, M 1 Response Jul 21

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    Would rather be a smart ***

    than a dumb ***
    Canuck05 Canuck05 41-45, M 4 Responses Jul 7

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    Relationships are a lot like algebra.

    .. Ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
    ricki2012 ricki2012 51-55, T 2 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    When people tell me, "You're going to regret

    that in the morning." I sleep till noon. I'm a problem solver that way.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 12

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    Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves

    marriages, families and careers.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 5 Responses Jun 14

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    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    YouMadeMeThink YouMadeMeThink 22-25, M 3 Responses Mar 16

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    I have a problem with low self esteem.

    Which is ridiculous when you consider how ******* amazing I am.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 9

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    ComptePrive ComptePrive 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 20

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    Never hit a man with glasses.

    Hit him with a baseball bat.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 13

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    Yup. I am such a smart *** I can sit on an ice

    cream cone and tell you what flavor it is.
    smokethis smokethis 51-55, M 17 hrs ago

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    I asked God for a bike,

    but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 5 Responses Jun 13

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    SociallyAwkwardGirl SociallyAwkwardGirl 16-17, F 3 Responses Jan 8

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    I am a smartass and i love it.

    Sorry not sorry ;)
    Anaaaaa345 Anaaaaa345 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 27

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    Ilikepi314 Ilikepi314 31-35, M 1 Response Mar 8

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    I am allways spell checking things

    and trying to prove people wrong :) haha lol such a smart *** ...
    HannahlovesHH HannahlovesHH 13-15, F 1 Response 17 hrs ago

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    I love testing the waters with smart ***

    replies.. I love fun and light hearted people. Seems that most take this site super seriously and that's sad.
    Recklessdesires Recklessdesires 31-35, F 6 Responses Jun 28

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    The Godfather - (dedicated To Garcia)

    Yes Garcia, this one is for you. Ah yes: A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 8 Responses Jun 8, 2012

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    maddawgkilla maddawgkilla 18-21, M 4 Responses Jul 16

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    Why don’t you slip into something more

    comfortable…like a coma.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 14

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    Our english teacher asked us to write an

    article on the pros and cons of mobile use by teens and she was bent on making us admit that there is nothing good about them. She asked me an advantage of mobiles. I said "it saves a lot of money. When parents buy a mobile for the kid, the cost of buying a camera and an ipod is...
    waterflame waterflame 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 21

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    I’ve been emailing a Nigerian needing money.

    His mother is dying of cancer, so I sent him a honey graham instead a money gram.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 27

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    I can see your point,

    but I still think you're full of ****.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Mirror mirror on the wall,

    fuckk your lies, fuckk them all. I don't care what you say, I'm the sh*t all day, every day!
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 19

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    Better To Be A Smart @zz Then A Dumb @zz

    Definitely but right now I'm a little slug @zz
    grayday104 grayday104 26-30, M 2 Responses Dec 23, 2011

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    I may not be a beauty queen.

    ..I'd prefer somebody with brains than someone having an expensive face-value! No, I don't brag about it but people always tells me eversince so I was convinced. ;)))
    0nOpalsMind 0nOpalsMind 41-45, F 2 Responses Jul 20

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    When someone asks me what my fav position is,

    I respond "boss." Yeah they pretty much stop talking to me after that. Lol
    peace82 peace82 26-30, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    I was serving some fish in my restaurant last

    night. One of them called me and said, "Excuse me, we're out of water."
    ricki2012 ricki2012 51-55, T 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I really wish I knew

    who kicked the jack out from under the car I was working on. The suspension is killing me.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 51-55, T 5 Responses 5 days ago

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    If you try to tell me what to do.

    I'll do the exact opposite. Just because you didn't ask nicely. Sorry. Not sorry
    lucidity91 lucidity91 22-25, F 9 Responses a week ago

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    Be nice to the Apple Support Helpline people;

    they know what you do when no one is looking.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 4 Responses Jun 29

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    I have trust issues. I have experienced loss.

    I am hopeful and optimistic. I tend to joke about everything. I would rather laugh than cry. I don't drink or do drugs so being a smart *** just fits.
    KendraDawnTaylor KendraDawnTaylor 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 10

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    I think it is very important to be able to

    compete on many levels, and so you have the responsibility of having a smart ***!
    Catram21 Catram21 22-25, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    The next time you eat dinner,

    say to your kids, "Due to the economy we're going to have to go."
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 3 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    People ask whats up and i say a pixar movie.

    People yell at me and say "Hey!" And i say hi. I swear and someone yells "language!" And i shout back english.
    StephenFieffer StephenFieffer 13-15, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F Jun 13

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    06Ford 06Ford 41-45, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    teacher told us to come here

    and sit down but keeps walking. then yells at us for not being where he is so i said "but sir it is hard for us to come to you when you keep walking off." he was not impressed.
    varjakpaw varjakpaw 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 16

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    villagevixen villagevixen 41-45, F 9 Responses Jun 5

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    Everyone thinks I'm a *****

    but in reality don't be surprised that I correct you if you're saying something downright stupid.
    kathyy525 kathyy525 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 6

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    One time I went to a poetry recital,

    and asked why the poems didn't rhyme.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 3 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    peace82 peace82 26-30, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Anth1290 Anth1290 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 16

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    They say dogs are a man's best friend.

    ....and diamonds are a woman's best friend...... Hmmm....... So, who's the smarter sex????
    Babydoll42 Babydoll42 41-45, F 5 Responses Apr 24

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    If you ask for my opinion

    and it isn't what you want to hear, that doesn't make me an *******. It makes you a fool for thinking i wouldn't give my honest opinion.
    PhiBrain PhiBrain 22-25, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F 1 Response Jul 19

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    BakinBaker BakinBaker 18-21, F Jul 16

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    And very proud of it.

    ... I have worked hard! ;-)
    AuntieShani AuntieShani 36-40, F 4 Responses Jul 23

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    I was cleaning my flat today

    when suddenly I thought... Why don't I just buy a new tyre?
    ricki2012 ricki2012 51-55, T 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    Just a word of advice.

    ...When someone tells you to get a grip...Apparently around their neck, is not what they meant...
    SilhouetteDreams SilhouetteDreams 18-21, F 4 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Lol i started to do it

    because I wanted to annoy people... But now I just do it with out even thinking ._____.
    feelsointhedark feelsointhedark 18-21, F Feb 10

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    I read a hellova lot!

    I always have a book in my bag, and spare moments I'm reading. I liked philosophical books, and poetry, history, and biographies.
    Shintaro95 Shintaro95 18-21, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    blovedsmle blovedsmle 31-35, F 3 Responses Jul 15