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I Am a Smartass

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 47,760 People

    That awkward moment when your sarcasm is

    so good, people actually think you're stupid..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 5 Responses Jan 11

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    I went to see a psychic yesterday.

    He said "What's your name?" I said "I want my money back"
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 3 Responses Nov 6, 2014

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    I have to be careful sometimes

    because while I think I'm pretty hilarious, not everyone does.
    purplemusicprincess purplemusicprincess 31-35, F 2 Responses Jan 28

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    I always seem to be a smartass to everyone,

    if someone asks "what's up?" I reply with "the sky". Do you get me?
    QueenOfFire212 QueenOfFire212 26-30, F 37 Responses Sep 23, 2014

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    MyGuardianAngel MyGuardianAngel 22-25, F 7 Responses Nov 12, 2014

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    TCL009 TCL009 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 23, 2014

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    Tip: Learn the rules

    so you know how to break them properly.
    TCL009 TCL009 41-45, F 4 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    I keep getting into fights with my parents

    about college ._. I say 4 year is better than 2 year.
    KatieDanae KatieDanae 16-17, F 7 Responses Feb 17

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    Relationships are a lot like algebra.

    .. Ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 1 Response Jul 30, 2014

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    I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with

    "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
    TCL009 TCL009 41-45, F 5 Responses Sep 11, 2014

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    Humanity is losing its geniuses.

    Aristotle died, Newton passed away, Einstein died, and I'm not feeling well today...
    RebeccaMontero RebeccaMontero 22-25, F 11 Responses Nov 22, 2014

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    I love watching videos of lakes

    and rivers on the internet. I'm viewing a live stream right now.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T Feb 14

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    Id rather be a smart ***

    than a dumb one. :)
    prettyprude prettyprude 31-35, F 2 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    I have a theory that smartasses breed

    smartasses. All my friends who say they are having trouble with their kids in this department are some of the biggest smartasses I know. And both my parents are still smartasses or sarcastic to this day. I shared my theory with them and they agreed. Wish they thought about...
    RUEXPERIENCED RUEXPERIENCED 31-35, F 4 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    I don't do it on purpose,

    words just slip out before I can catch them. I think carefully about everything I say and write, but smart comments are too fast for me. Some people say I have a smart mouth, some say I'm witty, and my kids think I'm sarcastic. When someone asks a dumb question I say the...
    shimmeringrose shimmeringrose 31-35, F 4 Responses Feb 9

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    4SoulUrges 4SoulUrges 41-45, F 11 Responses Jan 11

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    A letter G walks into a Hexadecimal bar,

    The bar man says, "Why the wrong base?"
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 2 Responses Jan 24

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    Boyfriend: what are you wearing?

    Me: Clothes Boyfriend: ugh, you always know how to ruin a moment Me: lol... okayy...
    Ludjina1415 Ludjina1415 18-21, F 7 Responses Jan 19

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    I used to work at a recycling plant.

    My job was to crush cans. It was soda pressing.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 1 Response Nov 8, 2014

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    Theworldisminenow Theworldisminenow 18-21, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    My daughter kills me.

    ..... She had a Social test in school.....one of the questions she didn't know the answer to. She wrote down 'Jesus' and put beside it (Jesus is always the answer) She didn't even get half a point!!!
    NotHisBabydoll NotHisBabydoll 41-45, F 19 Responses Nov 30, 2014

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    Emilia0659 Emilia0659 18-21, F 16 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    I figure it's far better

    than being a dumbass!
    LikemYung LikemYung 31-35, M 5 Responses Aug 11, 2014

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F Jan 19

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    I'd rather be a smartass

    than a dumbass :)
    AngelinaMilano AngelinaMilano 16-17, F 3 Responses Jan 19

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    Disrespect Me, I'll Disrespect You i dont care

    about You or your Feelings Then
    briannabrib briannabrib 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 10, 2014

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    Just got a message from ep suggesting one

    or more of my experiences has been flagged as adult. I immediately started thinking of smartass responses to this... Though I have decided against ******* on the gods of ep as I have made some pretty cool friends... But seriously, *insert smartass responses here*
    lonelybrandi lonelybrandi 22-25, F 9 Responses Nov 7, 2014

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    hii ..ne bdy wannabe frnd.

    .New in this grp
    arpit19 arpit19 26-30, M 2 Responses Jan 28

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    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 2 Responses Nov 15, 2014

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    When life gives you lemons,

    buy some vodka and have a party!
    Babygirlr77 Babygirlr77 36-40, F 23 Responses Jan 7

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    Look officer I'm not begin a smartass,

    Just saying if you caught me then you were speeding too
    SairaE SairaE 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 27, 2014

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    I was in math class and I got bored

    so I started to doodle a skull (it's not weird I was trying to sketch from memory of a tv bones) anyway so she of course called on me and I answered all the questions 100% correct and I made all the sophomores jelly cause she gave me candy XD
    TrojanPrincess TrojanPrincess 13-15, F 2 Responses Jan 16

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    HOLY COOKIES. I GOT THE HIGHEST SCIENCE SCORE

    IN MY YEAR WITH 93% :D **** yeah! xD
    AmIKawaiiYetSenpai AmIKawaiiYetSenpai 13-15, F 8 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    My work is on fire lol

    but im on the clock for 30 more minutes so i have to stand outside til then
    Xychorite Xychorite 16-17, M 2 Responses Jan 31

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    I get away with most smartass comments

    because I usually say them softly where only people close to me can hear. I just wish my bf didn't call me out on it when I make smartass comments about him. When asked "what was that?" I can't help but to just repeat whatever comment I made under my breath loud enough for him...
    Sevenways Sevenways 26-30, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    I went into the kitchen this morning

    and said to the wife, "Is that coffee I smell?" She said, "It is and you do."
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 2 Responses a week ago

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    When people ask me something like ,

    what kind of weed you have i be like "the good kind" .
    Yungneechie Yungneechie 13-15, M 2 Responses Jan 26

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    My spam folder is full of e-mails offering

    cheap Viagra. They must think I'm a soft target.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 2 Responses Jan 26

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    "You make a very good cuppa,

    " she said. "It's my special tea," I replied.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 3 days ago

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    saintluci saintluci 31-35, F 7 Responses Jan 12

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    When you hear a doctor ask a patient: "does

    your heart beat regularly?" And the patient replies: "no, it stops after 8pm. Mine's just lazy like that." Hahahaha oh my god.
    MyGuardianAngel MyGuardianAngel 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    being a smartass is a gift

    and a choice. .. being a dumbass is a curse and its terminal.
    jayciedubb jayciedubb 46-50, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    Some of friends call me smart ***

    so maybe I really am!
    RedThatDescribesMe RedThatDescribesMe 18-21, F 2 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    If you know me in person you wouldn't

    even be able to tell since I don't talk a lot, ha. But I promise, I mock you behind your back.
    IngensImpetum IngensImpetum 18-21, M 1 Response Feb 1

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F 3 Responses Jan 19

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    mollypopp mollypopp 13-15, F 10 Responses Jan 27

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    I really wish I knew

    who kicked the jack out from under the car I was working on. The suspension is killing me.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 56-60, T 5 Responses Jul 26, 2014

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    I thought I was smart,

    but it turns out that it's about the ***. Maybe someday my *** will tell me how to be smart , then I can really be smart without the ***.
    Someplaceisnice Someplaceisnice 22-25, M 2 Responses Feb 11

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    TCL009 TCL009 41-45, F 7 Responses Sep 12, 2014

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F 1 Response Feb 11

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    Next time someone says,

    "no offense" after insulting you, Beat the sh*t out of 'em and say, "no harm done".
    texan75 texan75 36-40, F 2 Responses Oct 28, 2014

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