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I Am a Smartass

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 17,747 People

    Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves

    marriages, families and careers.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 5 Responses Jun 14

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    Be nice to the Apple Support Helpline people;

    they know what you do when no one is looking.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 4 Responses Jun 29

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    maddawgkilla maddawgkilla 18-21, M 4 Responses Jul 16

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    If you don't stop looking

    for that perfect person, you’ll probably end up stuck with a pain in the ***.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 8

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    Ask me something, Tell me something,

    If I don't like it or think it's stupid, I'll reply with a smartass comment. (This is how I feel, I'm not asking for anyone to ask or tell me anything.)
    sweetstar1 sweetstar1 22-25, F 6 Responses Jun 14

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    Everyone thinks I'm a *****

    but in reality don't be surprised that I correct you if you're saying something downright stupid.
    kathyy525 kathyy525 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 6

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    I comment on people's stories

    and they block me rofl. I'm just so damned sarcastic I about give myself a heart attack busting in laughter. They get so defensive. Or some people like my comment's. I need a better reaction. Some get pissy and start cursing. I mean people live a little! Humans have a highly...
    alkaem alkaem 18-21, M 2 Responses Jul 11

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    converted converted 46-50, M Jul 4

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    Mirror mirror on the wall,

    fuckk your lies, fuckk them all. I don't care what you say, I'm the sh*t all day, every day!
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 19

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    I asked God for a bike,

    but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 5 Responses Jun 13

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    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F Jun 13

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    Life is too short not to love the one you're

    with today. Because you might get run over by a bus or some **** tomorrow.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M Jul 9

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    I’ve been emailing a Nigerian needing money.

    His mother is dying of cancer, so I sent him a honey graham instead a money gram.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 27

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    Anth1290 Anth1290 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 16

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    And very proud of it.

    ... I have worked hard! ;-)
    AuntieShani AuntieShani 31-35, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    I am a smartass without a filter

    but unfortunately teachers don't find my sarcasm and wit as funny as I do..
    kxCobra kxCobra 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 30

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    And I hate it. I think being a smartass is

    alienating people from me. I don't mean to be a smartass, I am just trying to be funny. Anyone else hate being a smartass? what are your experiences?
    ShutterLove ShutterLove 41-45, M 8 Responses Jun 20

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    Hell F*cken Yes I Am

    I don't even need to explain myself on this one. Anybody who's been following me on this site will know I'm a wise crack, not a "know it all" just a harmless silly smart @ss. And I love people who are the same.
    SkippingTheGoldenYears SkippingTheGoldenYears 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 19, 2012

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    Better To Be A Smart @zz Then A Dumb @zz

    Definitely but right now I'm a little slug @zz
    grayday104 grayday104 26-30, M 2 Responses Dec 23, 2011

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    BakinBaker BakinBaker 18-21, F Jul 16

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    Our english teacher asked us to write an

    article on the pros and cons of mobile use by teens and she was bent on making us admit that there is nothing good about them. She asked me an advantage of mobiles. I said "it saves a lot of money. When parents buy a mobile for the kid, the cost of buying a camera and an ipod is...
    waterflame waterflame 16-17, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I have a problem with low self esteem.

    Which is ridiculous when you consider how ******* amazing I am.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 9

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    Ilikepi314 Ilikepi314 31-35, M 1 Response Mar 8

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    I am a Humble person really,

    I am actually much greater than I think I am
    birdroks birdroks 18-21, F Jun 27

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    Why don’t you slip into something more

    comfortable…like a coma.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 14

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    Grandpa always said: "if you're gonna be an ***,

    you might as well be a smart one"
    Jakehopkins48 Jakehopkins48 36-40, M Jan 29

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    I really wish I knew

    who kicked the jack out from under the car I was working on. The suspension is killing me.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 51-55, T 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    teacher told us to come here

    and sit down but keeps walking. then yells at us for not being where he is so i said "but sir it is hard for us to come to you when you keep walking off." he was not impressed.
    varjakpaw varjakpaw 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 16

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    villagevixen villagevixen 41-45, F 9 Responses Jun 5

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    ComptePrive ComptePrive 22-25, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    YouMadeMeThink YouMadeMeThink 22-25, M 3 Responses Mar 16

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    The Godfather - (dedicated To Garcia)

    Yes Garcia, this one is for you. Ah yes: A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he...
    RedRubies RedRubies 36-40, F 8 Responses Jun 8, 2012

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    : "I love vebing proper nouns" i just jazzed it

    up a bit... LOL ...only replace verbing with "smufing" and nouns with "smurfs"
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 18

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    Lol i started to do it

    because I wanted to annoy people... But now I just do it with out even thinking ._____.
    feelsointhedark feelsointhedark 18-21, F Feb 10

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    SociallyAwkwardGirl SociallyAwkwardGirl 16-17, F 3 Responses Jan 8

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    I Will Go To Great Lengths Just To Be Right

    So....the other day while I was at work, I had a lady intent on arguing with me about which foods will make you cry.... She kept insisting that onions are the only food that make a person cry.... So I threw a coconut at her face. She cried....I win....
    Babydoll42 Babydoll42 41-45, F 7 Responses Jun 25, 2012

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    When people tell me, "You're going to regret

    that in the morning." I sleep till noon. I'm a problem solver that way.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 12

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    Here's a rejection all the perverts here.

    (Yes, this includes the ladies too.) Pervert: "I'd really like to get into your pants." Rejection: "No thanks. There's already one a**hole in there!"
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 6 Responses Jun 19

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    Lol XD the world would be boring without

    smartasses to lighten the mood
    zaiiex zaiiex 22-25, M 1 Response Mar 8

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    I was cleaning my flat today

    when suddenly I thought... Why don't I just buy a new tyre?
    ricki2012 ricki2012 51-55, T 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F 1 Response a week ago

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    I may not be a beauty queen.

    ..I'd prefer somebody with brains than someone having an expensive face-value! No, I don't brag about it but people always tells me eversince so I was convinced. ;)))
    0nOpalsMind 0nOpalsMind 41-45, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Never hit a man with glasses.

    Hit him with a baseball bat.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 13

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    I am a smartass and i love it.

    Sorry not sorry ;)
    Anaaaaa345 Anaaaaa345 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 27

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    I have trust issues. I have experienced loss.

    I am hopeful and optimistic. I tend to joke about everything. I would rather laugh than cry. I don't drink or do drugs so being a smart *** just fits.
    KendraDawnTaylor KendraDawnTaylor 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 10

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    Too much for my own good sometimes.

    But if you act like an ***, I should be smart.
    holloway64 holloway64 46-50, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    If you try to tell me what to do.

    I'll do the exact opposite. Just because you didn't ask nicely. Sorry. Not sorry
    lucidity91 lucidity91 22-25, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    I love testing the waters with smart ***

    replies.. I love fun and light hearted people. Seems that most take this site super seriously and that's sad.
    Recklessdesires Recklessdesires 31-35, F 6 Responses Jun 28

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    They say dogs are a man's best friend.

    ....and diamonds are a woman's best friend...... Hmmm....... So, who's the smarter sex????
    Babydoll42 Babydoll42 41-45, F 5 Responses Apr 24

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    Would rather be a smart ***

    than a dumb ***
    Canuck05 Canuck05 41-45, M 4 Responses Jul 7

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    Related Experiences

    I am a smartass woman!! I love it. I love flipping something so seemingly innocent and turning into a pun or innuendo. I have to hold my tongue about %95 of time because it just...
    blovedsmle blovedsmle 31-35, F 3 Responses Jul 15

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    Who can this be? The one who's mastered so much smartassery? Could it be akaShaun???? WHHHHY OF COURSE IT IS!
    Naty14 Naty14 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 30

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    I never realized it when I was younger but it's true. I also have a habit of longwinded sarcasm that you can't detect until I'm 20 seconds into it. I have to practice changing my...
    davidinverness davidinverness 22-25, M Jun 26

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