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I Am a Smartass

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 27,458 People

    I'll try being nicer

    if you'll try being smarter.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 5 Responses Aug 15

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    The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees,

    " so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 51-55, T 5 Responses Aug 20

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    Going to church doesn't make you a Christian,

    any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    2nd day in school and my teacher mr.

    vasquez wanted us to write a paper about us like I say what my favorite shows and movies and who I live with and stuff like that so he said if we didn't do the essay that it'd tell him lots about us and I told him then why do u need the essay...got in trouble but it was worth it
    Sprinklesnstuff Sprinklesnstuff 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 13

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    Everyone thinks I'm a *****

    but in reality don't be surprised that I correct you if you're saying something downright stupid.
    kathyy525 kathyy525 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 6

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    Getting a job repairing revolving doors was a

    real turning point in my life.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 51-55, T 2 Responses Aug 6

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    I really wish I knew

    who kicked the jack out from under the car I was working on. The suspension is killing me.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 51-55, T 5 Responses Jul 26

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    YouMadeMeThink YouMadeMeThink 22-25, M 3 Responses Mar 16

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    It sounds like English,

    but I don't know what in the hell you're talking about.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 4 Responses Aug 15

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    Sarcastic humour. It gets me in trouble from

    time to time but it is who I am.
    galdran galdran 36-40, M 4 Responses Aug 9

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    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Why call myself something

    so questionable? Just stretching limits, pushing Jesus to the brink of patience, frustrating lighter Christians along the way.
    DarkChristian DarkChristian 22-25, M 2 Responses Aug 13

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    villagevixen villagevixen 41-45, F 9 Responses Jun 5

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    quinn96 quinn96 16-17, F 5 Responses Aug 10

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    Education is an admirable thing,

    but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 11

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    It's so true and sometimes I don't

    even know that I'm a smart *** till later on that day! And finally realise oh great! That was me? I guess that's what happens when in pilot mode.
    kamachulu kamachulu 22-25, M Aug 13

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    I had to tell my patient I'd dreadfully messed

    up his plastic surgery. I'll never forget the look on his elbow.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 51-55, T 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    HoloTheWiseWolf HoloTheWiseWolf 13-15, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 12

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    You're very likely to survive any battle in any

    war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F Aug 12

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    SociallyAwkwardGirl SociallyAwkwardGirl 16-17, F 3 Responses Jan 8

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    I am new to this just looking to make some new

    friends I can be a ***** sometimes but I also can be a real sweetheart just depends on my mood I guess
    jessicabrand jessicabrand 18-21, F 6 Responses Aug 13

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    I asked God for a bike,

    but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 5 Responses Jun 13

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    You know your Amish teen is in trouble

    when he shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 17

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    vtom vtom 46-50, M 5 Responses 6 days ago

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    I like to share my brain.

    Packed full of all the knowledge. I liken it to the flower, releasing pollen via the bees for all to share. Or fireworks, spraying knowledge into the night sky and spreading it like dysentery. Mortals may find it difficult to comprehend the depth and scope of my brain, theirs...
    jimk1234 jimk1234 51-55, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    I figure it's far better

    than being a dumbass!
    LikemYung LikemYung 31-35, M 3 Responses Aug 11

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    I admire smart *****.

    They're awesome people. Just accept it.
    CallmeTessa CallmeTessa 13-15, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    Lol. I'm so ******* bored can some one text me

    an not the older people around 14-18 boys an any girl
    alanihas4 alanihas4 13-15, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Better To Be A Smart @zz Then A Dumb @zz

    Definitely but right now I'm a little slug @zz
    grayday104 grayday104 26-30, M 2 Responses Dec 23, 2011

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    When people tell me, "You're going to regret

    that in the morning." I sleep till noon. I'm a problem solver that way.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 12

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    Selfishness is not living

    as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 11

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    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 4 Responses Aug 11

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    I want to die peacefully in my sleep,

    like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in this airplane!
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 13

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    Girls wanna be me! Guys wanna be with me!

    U can't be me so stop trying!
    QueenToya QueenToya 22-25, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    You know your Amish teen is in trouble

    when he's wearing his big black hat backwards.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 8 Responses Aug 17

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    My wife, Dorothy, is threatening to run off due

    to my obsession with Morse code. I begged her, "Please don't dash Dot".
    ricki2012 ricki2012 51-55, T 6 Responses Aug 16

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    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    I can't help being lazy.

    It walks in the family.
    ricki2012 ricki2012 51-55, T 3 Responses Aug 2

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    And if you're going to talk with the ladies

    online when you're married, your lady is going to talk with them too!
    red051683 red051683 31-35, F 5 Responses Aug 5

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    Relationships are a lot like algebra.

    .. Ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
    ricki2012 ricki2012 51-55, T 1 Response Jul 30

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    I breezed my A levels here!

    I also took the international baccalaureate. I know I will get the right degree too!
    DearbhalC95 DearbhalC95 18-21, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Especially after I've smoked weed

    because I ramble. I love to share facts about everything and anything. I'm quite proud of my brain and the things it can do better than normal people's so I figure I might as well share my knowledge than simply keep it to myself.
    Zolaugh Zolaugh 18-21, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    I’ve been emailing a Nigerian needing money.

    His mother is dying of cancer, so I sent him a honey graham instead a money gram.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 27

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    From I was 6 years of age I have been getting

    laid.Every girl I have a conversation with they always wanna have sex with me I don't know why.
    demars781 demars781 13-15, M 3 Responses Aug 12

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    I love testing the waters with smart ***

    replies.. I love fun and light hearted people. Seems that most take this site super seriously and that's sad.
    Recklessdesires Recklessdesires 31-35, F 6 Responses Jun 28

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    I could tell my mom any phone number

    or date. Just don't ask for names. Sometimes I'm terrible with names
    baraccio baraccio 26-30, M Aug 12

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    I use humor as my shield,

    experience as my helmet, intelligence as my spear, and wit as my sword.
    ValR ValR 41-45, F 11 Responses 5 days ago

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    I have a problem with low self esteem.

    Which is ridiculous when you consider how ******* amazing I am.
    Nomad712 Nomad712 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 9

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    Related Experiences

    I try to stay tame by keeping my smartass comments to myself as much as possible. My internal monologue is much different than what actually comes out my mouth most of the time.
    ultimatebeanstalk ultimatebeanstalk 36-40, F 3 Responses Aug 2

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    Yes, my arse was well edumacated at cheeky elementary school. He has a college degree in asstronomy. And is going on to be a serial killer.
    TheTrollinator TheTrollinator 13-15, M Aug 8

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    It just happens. I can't control it. It is better to be a smart *** than a dumb ***...
    3dogmatic 3dogmatic 36-40, M Aug 18

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