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I Am a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,538 People

    Dark

    It all so dark. My room and my walls. My heart is pounding. It's beating is a noise. I'm still. Like a corpse. But my eyes are opened. And I'm seeing the dark. I can see through the dark. Feeling it all around me, covering me. Like a black ink. Comforting me. It's like a cover, a...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

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    My Dad

    He was a horrible man.. He used to hit me and call me names when I was younger. I tried to not let it bother me, But one night he took it way too far.. He and his 2 friends came home all ****** up on heroin and alcohol. They came into my room and woke me up. Then continued to...
    MarissaMoon MarissaMoon 16-17, F 3 Responses Oct 6, 2013

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    Survivor Huh? Yeah...but Maybe Thts Not The Right Term.

    I hate bastards who abuse children!! Every time I read about something like that, I get a lot of mixed feelings, some of them twisted raging anger, and relief because I am not alone, a sense of belonging or something...relating to someone...but its all bitterness, scared fear, I...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 9, 2010

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    I Just Want To Let Go...

    I want to let go of everything that endured as a child.
    jesussaves2013 jesussaves2013 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 11, 2013

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    I Was "abused". I Don't Know How I Feel. I Know I Don't Feel Human. But Someday I Will.

    For the longest time I thought I had imagined it. I honestly thought it was a product of my feverish imagination but then again... Why would anyone IMAGINE THAT?? I was sexually taken advantage of as a child. I cannot honestly say I was abused or that I Feel abused because it did...
    Janewise13 Janewise13 18-21 9 Responses Nov 5, 2011

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    It's going to be 7 years this year

    since it all ended after 3 and a half years.
    vanivoo vanivoo 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 1

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    After I was molested I hid my pain ,

    I buried it. I moved on. I have a boyfriend but I realized I focus on him on making him happy sexually and emotionally. I used to talk about me so much. We used to have real conversations. We used to be friends and all that was ruined the last time my molester touched me.
    naturalnobody naturalnobody 18-21, F Jun 28

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    Touch Of Healing

    :: Dedicated to my Angel :: Many survivors are not so lucky to get the "priceless" feeling, what I call 'Touch of healing', but I was lucky enough to experience it a few times. He was the only person whom I told the whole 'story'. I don't know what made me speak in front of him...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 1, 2013

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    Memories Never Go.

    movies movies we'll go for a movie wanna know what happens after? if yes, we'll go for a movie does he really mean that? confusion surrounds. mind half split. yes he meant, no he couldn't continued for long so very long months and years passed along and the time came with no...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 2 Responses May 16, 2012

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    For 10 years I was sexually abused by the man

    who I thought to be my father. When I found out that he wasn't my real dad, it made me feel better.
    Wanderlust7 Wanderlust7 16-17, F Mar 27

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    That stuff kills us. I hope everyone reading

    realizes how much it hurts and traumatizes us. It's not that "sex isn't a big deal" because for some it is and for some it isn't. However, it's that lack of control - of knowing what happened to you isn't your choice, and of knowing that someone you love and trust can place your...
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 31, 2013

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    Ashamed

    I'll never forgive you for what you done to me, not only did you steal my virginity in an instant but you stole my self esteem, my confidence, my life...
    herebutinvisible herebutinvisible 16-17, F 5 Responses Oct 6, 2013

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    Irony Of Life......my Pain, Has Turned To Gain.

    From when i was very young, my father took advantage of me. It happened for....i dont even know how long, but i didnt understand what was happening. Then when my mother got a divorce, she married a new man. who...did the same thing as my father before. It took me many years to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Aug 3, 2012

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    I just want to of one night without nightmares.

    ..is that so hard to ask for?
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 7

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    The only "love" I've ever experienced was

    when he had his hands in my pants. I went out of my way to protect my sister and my mom. I thought I was doing the right thing.
    Wanderlust7 Wanderlust7 16-17, F 5 Responses Apr 14

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    This is my story. Would mean the world

    if you would read it. I'm trying to get awareness about depression and my experiences. https://www.facebook.com/Jennifersally/posts/10153911739105553 If you could like and share my status on Facebook would mean a lot as I am trying to bring attention to depression and help...
    Chinoi6 Chinoi6 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 14

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    From the time I was about seven to December in

    2013 I was being molested and raped by my uncle who is 5 years older than me. It began as a game where he would hide this kick sac around the room and make me get it then I woul hide it and he would get it and so on and so forth. After awhile he began to put it in his clothing...
    swimmingwolf0 swimmingwolf0 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 6

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    It has been 3 days since I had my last flashback

    and 2 weeks since my last nightmare. Things might be getting better. My sister still doesn't want to help me to fix our relationship but I am slowly getting better without her help
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 8

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    I feel like I need to depend on someone else to

    provide my happiness. I need someone to control me the way my father did for 10 years.
    Wanderlust7 Wanderlust7 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 31

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    This picture is a little too true.

    I feel so broken, but no one ever sees it. I don't know if I will ever feel whole again.
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 2 Responses May 23

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    Feeling Uncertain

    I've been through a lot of abuse in my life...verbal,physical, emotional,sexual..i don't really talk about it. I'm afraid if i do the people will look at me differently. I'm always smiling and staying positive and strong to help others..i'm so scared that if i tell people the...
    somethingspecial1 somethingspecial1 22-25, F 8 Responses Aug 24, 2012

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    The night mates are haunting.

    He comes into my dreams and scares me. I can't control it and I can't just end it. It like I'm a little helpless girl again and no one can save me. The nightmares are often and unexpected. There is no telling when I will have them. I wake up terrified but have to push it to...
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 6 Responses Apr 7

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    Never thought I'd actually ever find someone I

    trust. I can be 3 seconds from walking off a bridge and he says the simplistic thing and I feel better. Unfortunately, it had to be a therapist, so he can't be my friend. Fortunately, I will probably need lifelong therapy ha
    Ashclo Ashclo 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 4

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    Im 13, the abuse for about 3,

    since I was 10. Well I learn something, I hated him for so long, I plan all these way to see his demise, but then I had a dream, were I found out he was being attacked by men in jail, suffocating the life out of him, an I wanted to save him but I couldn't soo I cried and sobbed...
    nekokitty13 nekokitty13 18-21, F 1 Response a week ago

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    The abuse started when I was

    so young, three maybe four. I stopped it when I was 12 and things became really bad, he never touched me again but began mentally abusing and controlling me. It took me a while but I realised he was the weak one. I stopped him and was no longer the victim.
    lsdcn lsdcn 41-45, F Jun 13

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    I am sexually active

    and I haven't told my boyfriend that I was sexually abused for 10 years by my father.
    Wanderlust7 Wanderlust7 16-17, F 2 Responses May 4

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    The insensitivity of others.

    I was at a meeting today for business. One of the presenters gave a very good presentation on childhood trauma and the effects. I found it personally and professionally informative. I really do try my best at meetings or training to get something out of it. This is a new job...
    hischelsea hischelsea 46-50, F 4 Responses Apr 10

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    I think that most of the things I allow

    sexually had to do with me being sexually abuse when I was younger I need professional help
    Reynastaxx Reynastaxx 26-30, F 3 Responses Mar 24

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    Operation Be A Kid Again

    Operation Be A Kid Again( from my blog www.diaryofabrokenchild.blogspot.com) This is my list of things I never got to do as a kid, got to do but want to do again or just things I wanna try as an adult that have nothing to do with childhood. This list could be call Operation...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 2, 2013

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    it happened and i cant change it

    but i refuse to let it define who i am as a person
    daniellefeather28 daniellefeather28 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 8

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    I broke down today.. it had been a while.

    I want to be cuddled in my mothers arms, that's all I want. I had been feeling uneasy for a few days.. I smoked a bowl and got in the car for father's day reunion... my mom was playing a lovely song that I was now finding the double meaning to... it hit close to home, i held...
    unnatainable unnatainable 18-21, F Jun 16

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    A Little Start

    I lay sleeping, until my bedroom door is ajar. I see his shadow through the hall way light. My heart starts pounding, How long do i have? Should I make a run for it, or lay silent and be still, I'm only a child, not more than eight, I close my eyes with the first tear, And pray...
    Estel1980 Estel1980 26-30 2 Responses Aug 25, 2012

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    The first time it happened I was

    so young. I was looking at family photos and I could almost tell when it happened, and I changed. It was so bad the first time, and it just destroyed so much in me and twisted me so severely. It happened after that too, on several occasions. I blocked so much of it out and...
    Somestranger1 Somestranger1 18-21, M 1 Response Jun 1

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    Surviving Evil-my Story Of Molestation And Moving On.

    I was 10. Mom had met yet another guy. I didn't thik he'd last, they rarely did. I was wrong. He treated my mom like i thought she deserved to be treated at that time in my life. I wanted my mom happy, and he made her happy. He treated me well to which just made things even...
    SSRaye05 SSRaye05 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 3, 2013

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    I was sexually abused on a daily basis by my

    stepfather from the ages 7-12. I'm now 23. There is so much that has happened in between that I don't know how to begin to write. Some days are better then others. Although it's always there, bubbling beneath the surface. It's hard to explain, but it's just sadness. Absolute...
    asha1991 asha1991 22-25, F 8 Responses May 6

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    Whatever You Do, Don't Tell Anyone--you'll Ruin His Family...

    Those were the words my parents used to help me "deal" with Mr. Klomen, the Head of the Upper School, who after weeks of inappropriate touching, finally went to the next level destroying the trust and admiration I felt for him, crossing all boundaries and throwing me into a...
    light62 light62 46-50, F 5 Responses Oct 24, 2012

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    I'll Do Anything To Forget It.

    I'll do anything to forget the memories and feelings. Ive tried everything. Every bloody thing. I read that only way to get over it is to keep talking about it. I read that the more we talk, the more it loses its impact from our lives. So I started typing and talking about it...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 10, 2013

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    I Have Survived

    I have survived but i don't know at what price. I don't know where the experience ends and I start. All i know is that it influences everything i feel, do, experience. I try to leave it behind but i still carry it with me and maybe always will. It is so much to carry it all...
    pinkpandaboi pinkpandaboi 18-21, M 5 Responses Nov 12, 2013

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    This Is What I Feel When I'm Reminded Of It.

    Those white butterflies pretty and white dancing in the valley colorful and bright. Yes, those white butterflies tried escape but caught wings pinned, wings torn. Yes, those white butterflies turning grey and pale motionless and calm wide open eyes but see only the dark. Those...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 15, 2012

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    I'm at a time where I wish I had never told

    anyone. I was abused between age 5-7 by my babysitter. He was at least 40 years older then me. I didn't tell anyone until I was 13. I don't remember much from suppressing my memory but that doesn't stop the flashbacks. I now have major depression, pcos, PTSD, sleep apnea and...
    Chinoi6 Chinoi6 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 20

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    Question: Have any of you discovered you had

    problems with intimacy now that you're older? For me, anything intimate is just.. Awkward, and uncomfortable and always has been for me. I avoid kissing my boyfriend of almost 2 years, we kiss sometimes but other times when he leans In I turn my head away because I don't want...
    n0ceur n0ceur 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 10

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    When I was a kid like 8,

    I was abused by a family member. I can recall the events of a few of the times of him doing the things he did to me. The feeling I felt during that time, I begin shut out the pain during the events. As It continued, I never really understood what was happening just minutes...
    Bluescrub Bluescrub 36-40, M a week ago

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    I still think about it sometimes -

    and although I do, it doesn't mean I am not over it. I survived. It stayed with me but I survived. :)
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 28

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    I was sleeping, out cold.

    My mum came in my room to attend to my little brother and let the dog in with her. My dog started to lick my hand and I heard rustling from my mum. I awoke and instantly thought it my abuser coming back again. I shot up in fear and out of breath. Just about started to cry, but...
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I woke up in a panic from my alarm

    because I haven't used one in a while and when I looked up I thought I saw a man standing in my room again :/ It was my blanket that is hanging up, but damn my heart was racing and I was completely terrified
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 3

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    I Don't Know Whats Worse..

    I don't know whats worse...remembering or not remembering. I kept these secrets locked away in my mind for to long and now  they've returned to me in bits and pieces. With flashes of hands and heavy breaths. With words of a father saying "this is how daddy's show their love" and...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 7 Responses Dec 19, 2011

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    It Only Happened The Once!!!!

    I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A place with trees, and old gravel extraction pit, it was an escape from the the work we had to do when i was a child., parents worked the land and needed my help, I had no choice, that I was not supposed to be in, it was all fenced...
    KnobbyKnees KnobbyKnees 46-50, M 11 Responses Jan 2, 2011

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    I Get It

    I was sexually abused by my uncle when I was around 3-4 years old. He liked to take out his penis, lay me on top of him and kiss me hard on the mouth. One time I remember waking up and he was performing oral sex on me. I can also remember him tricking me into performing oral...
    Italy4me Italy4me 41-45 1 Response Oct 17, 2013

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    I was molested four times by my friends dad.

    Two people know. I never reported him. I don't want to. My decision. Please respect it.
    naturalnobody naturalnobody 18-21, F Jun 28

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    I still love you dad,

    for some reason.
    shannonigin shannonigin 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 19

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    My Life In Pretence

    I don't like talking about it. For the most part of my life, I pretended it was all a dream, a nightmare, something so hazy that it fades in the background and pretend it didn't happen to me. But I couldn't carry on pretending any longer. Not when I try to have a serious...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 20 Responses Oct 7, 2010

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    Mom is still married to stepdad

    who molested and attempted to rape you(thank god Viagra hadn't come out)how do you handle? Do you see mom?
    graygrace graygrace 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 3

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    Self-Delusion

    Today, I had a long conversation with a new EP member who contacted me because she saw that I belonged to a group for those who had been sexually exploited as children. I don’t know why, but I ended up telling her more of my story than I had ever told anyone before. Others have...
    Rutterman Rutterman 36-40, M 7 Responses Oct 27, 2013

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