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I Am a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,775 People

    Surviving Evil-my Story Of Molestation And Moving On.

    I was 10. Mom had met yet another guy. I didn't thik he'd last, they rarely did. I was wrong. He treated my mom like i thought she deserved to be treated at that time in my life. I wanted my mom happy, and he made her happy. He treated me well to which just made things even...
    SSRaye05 SSRaye05 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 3, 2013

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    My Dad

    He was a horrible man.. He used to hit me and call me names when I was younger. I tried to not let it bother me, But one night he took it way too far.. He and his 2 friends came home all ****** up on heroin and alcohol. They came into my room and woke me up. Then continued to...
    MarissaMoon MarissaMoon 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 6, 2013

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    I was sexually abused

    for several years when I was a child. My psychological problems followed me for many years . Because I did allow it to happen even though I understood it was very wrong. But mainly because he manipulated me and what he did to me started to feel very nice and because of that I...
    EmmaHansson EmmaHansson 46-50, F 5 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    I still think about it sometimes -

    and although I do, it doesn't mean I am not over it. I survived. It stayed with me but I survived. :)
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 16-17, F 1 Response Jun 28, 2014

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    Does anyone still feel a certain amount of

    guilt attached to the abuse?? yes now am older and know better but a part of me is still loyal to him and would do what he wanted me to do I hate the way my mind thinks it creeps me out even today.
    00Broken00 00Broken00 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 12

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    I am triggered every time someone tells a man

    that having been sexually abused by a woman is something to be proud of, happy about, etc. Abuse is abuse, not a rite of passage. We need to change this collective mindset and protect the innocence of our youth! http://throughtheireyescac.com/2015/05/06/male-sexual-abuse-by-a...
    lovevolves8 lovevolves8 36-40, F 1 Response May 7

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    I've posted on here before,

    but now I just recently got new information. My rapist is my half brother, who before I had a mental breakdown I still talked too. He was engaged to a girl and had my niece. Now I haven't spoken to him in over two years and find out this weekend he got some other new lady...
    hellokittysr hellokittysr 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 19

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    My step brother raped me

    as a child. I just finally told my dad about two years ago. My mom always knew and never did anything about it. My grandmother who is dead asked if I was lying. Holidays are tough I have a niece from my brother and she is the best thing ever. But hearing my mom talk about him...
    hellokittysr hellokittysr 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 3

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    My Life In Pretence

    I don't like talking about it. For the most part of my life, I pretended it was all a dream, a nightmare, something so hazy that it fades in the background and pretend it didn't happen to me. But I couldn't carry on pretending any longer. Not when I try to have a serious...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 20 Responses Oct 7, 2010

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    I was sexually abused by my brother 7 years ago

    and never told anybody. I need help because I don't know what to do. I'm in college. He's three years older than me and still lives at home so I have to see him once a month and I hate him for this.
    Elizabeth180 Elizabeth180 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 3

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    This story is my own,

    I’m not telling it to get pity but cause it helps to talk about it and I know it can help others in the same situation or who have been there…. This is not a fun story, some may find it hard some may find it hard… some can relate.. When I was born, I already had a big...
    ChantouKimmy ChantouKimmy 41-45, F 10 Responses Jan 16

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    My babysitters husband

    and son use to molest me and my younger sister. I want to die every time I think of what they did to my sister. I was in the third grade and she was in the first grade... I was 9 she was 6... I feel disgusting. I never opened my stupid mouth to no one about this till a few years...
    PandaLoves PandaLoves 26-30, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Feeling Uncertain

    I've been through a lot of abuse in my life...verbal,physical, emotional,sexual..i don't really talk about it. I'm afraid if i do the people will look at me differently. I'm always smiling and staying positive and strong to help others..i'm so scared that if i tell people the...
    somethingspecial1 somethingspecial1 22-25, F 8 Responses Aug 24, 2012

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    That stuff kills us. I hope everyone reading

    realizes how much it hurts and traumatizes us. It's not that "sex isn't a big deal" because for some it is and for some it isn't. However, it's that lack of control - of knowing what happened to you isn't your choice, and of knowing that someone you love and trust can place your...
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 16-17, F 7 Responses Dec 31, 2013

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    Operation Be A Kid Again

    Operation Be A Kid Again( from my blog www.diaryofabrokenchild.blogspot.com) This is my list of things I never got to do as a kid, got to do but want to do again or just things I wanna try as an adult that have nothing to do with childhood. This list could be call Operation...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 2, 2013

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    I had been sexually abused by my father.

    Is there anyone just like me here??
    JerryJerryA JerryJerryA 31-35, F 3 Responses Feb 14

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    When I was younger I was molested by my brother

    in law. My mother and sister know but they don't believe it. Every time I look at his face I get sick. We talked about what happend and he always says he was sorry. He wish he never did it. I forgave him but I'll never forget. It messed me up.
    babykaykez19 babykaykez19 18-21, F 4 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    Touch Of Healing

    :: Dedicated to my Angel :: Many survivors are not so lucky to get the "priceless" feeling, what I call 'Touch of healing', but I was lucky enough to experience it a few times. He was the only person whom I told the whole 'story'. I don't know what made me speak in front of him...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 1, 2013

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    I was abused from the ages of 4-6.

    Pretty much everything under the sun, including child *********** and child grooming. Rape, etc.
    Punchinginadream Punchinginadream 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    I was sexually abused on a daily basis by my

    stepfather from the ages 7-12. I'm now 23. There is so much that has happened in between that I don't know how to begin to write. Some days are better then others. Although it's always there, bubbling beneath the surface. It's hard to explain, but it's just sadness. Absolute...
    asha1991 asha1991 22-25, F 8 Responses May 6, 2014

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    May Trigger

    He held me down. Forced me onto the bed, couch, floor, wherever he wanted me to be. If I ran from him, he would catch me. Sometimes, he would just grab me and carry me back to where I was “supposed” to be. Other times, he would push me in front of him, leading me to where...
    monsterwithinme monsterwithinme 18-21, F 6 Responses Feb 7, 2013

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    I hate how my past holds me back from things I

    want to do :/ it's haunting and terrifying
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F Oct 15, 2014

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    Self-Delusion

    Today, I had a long conversation with a new EP member who contacted me because she saw that I belonged to a group for those who had been sexually exploited as children. I don’t know why, but I ended up telling her more of my story than I had ever told anyone before. Others have...
    Rutterman Rutterman 36-40, M 10 Responses Oct 27, 2013

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    I Have Survived

    I have survived but i don't know at what price. I don't know where the experience ends and I start. All i know is that it influences everything i feel, do, experience. I try to leave it behind but i still carry it with me and maybe always will. It is so much to carry it all...
    pinkpandaboi pinkpandaboi 18-21, M 5 Responses Nov 12, 2013

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    Dark

    It all so dark. My room and my walls. My heart is pounding. It's beating is a noise. I'm still. Like a corpse. But my eyes are opened. And I'm seeing the dark. I can see through the dark. Feeling it all around me, covering me. Like a black ink. Comforting me. It's like a cover, a...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

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    "That my body is all

    that I am", how well I know the feeling. I just read about another woman that was sexually abused growing up and the quote is from her story. Reading it made me want to stand up among you and share some of my feelings and experience. I was molested and prostituted from a very...
    CaningCaregiver CaningCaregiver 26-30, F 2 Responses May 4

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    I Don't Know Whats Worse..

    I don't know whats worse...remembering or not remembering. I kept these secrets locked away in my mind for to long and now  they've returned to me in bits and pieces. With flashes of hands and heavy breaths. With words of a father saying "this is how daddy's show their love" and...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 7 Responses Dec 19, 2011

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    The woman who gave me life was a pedo magnet

    One boyfriend after another, a parade of deviant malcontents With their eyes trained on the little one and not on her When the heavy foot steps weight the wooden floor in light even steps that crept to my door I slip fully clothed from my bed, into the dark, into the quiet...
    khewster khewster 36-40, F 1 Response Oct 9, 2014

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    The insensitivity of others.

    I was at a meeting today for business. One of the presenters gave a very good presentation on childhood trauma and the effects. I found it personally and professionally informative. I really do try my best at meetings or training to get something out of it. This is a new job...
    hischelsea hischelsea 46-50, F 3 Responses Apr 10, 2014

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    I was sexually abused by someone i still see

    every day. It affected my life greatly, and I still have flashbacks of it. It happened for a while before she was caught. And in my own home. I tell everyone that I dont remember it, but I do. Vividly.
    mugzib mugzib 16-17, F Nov 3, 2014

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    I Get It

    I was sexually abused by my uncle when I was around 3-4 years old. He liked to take out his penis, lay me on top of him and kiss me hard on the mouth. One time I remember waking up and he was performing oral sex on me. I can also remember him tricking me into performing oral...
    Italy4me Italy4me 46-50 2 Responses Oct 17, 2013

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    Whatever You Do, Don't Tell Anyone--you'll Ruin His Family...

    Those were the words my parents used to help me "deal" with Mr. Klomen, the Head of the Upper School, who after weeks of inappropriate touching, finally went to the next level destroying the trust and admiration I felt for him, crossing all boundaries and throwing me into a...
    light62 light62 46-50, F 5 Responses Oct 24, 2012

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    I'll Do Anything To Forget It.

    I'll do anything to forget the memories and feelings. Ive tried everything. Every bloody thing. I read that only way to get over it is to keep talking about it. I read that the more we talk, the more it loses its impact from our lives. So I started typing and talking about it...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 10, 2013

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    Haven't written about it in a while,

    so I guess I should again. To this day no one knows who took away my innocents except for him and some of my family. One person outside of my family almost knows, but not names or seen him or anything like that. I can't bring myself to say his name out loud like that and I don...
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 4 Responses Oct 9, 2014

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    The abuse started when I was

    so young, three maybe four. I stopped it when I was 12 and things became really bad, he never touched me again but began mentally abusing and controlling me. It took me a while but I realised he was the weak one. I stopped him and was no longer the victim.
    lsdcn lsdcn 46-50, F Jun 13, 2014

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    I Was "abused". I Don't Know How I Feel. I Know I Don't Feel Human. But Someday I Will.

    For the longest time I thought I had imagined it. I honestly thought it was a product of my feverish imagination but then again... Why would anyone IMAGINE THAT?? I was sexually taken advantage of as a child. I cannot honestly say I was abused or that I Feel abused because it did...
    Janewise13 Janewise13 18-21 11 Responses Nov 5, 2011

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    Today is am abuser's birthday.

    This could possibly be the worst day of the year. Even after all he did to me, he still gets so much support and love from friends and family. I hate it so much. It's not fair that he gets to be all happy and supported and such...but here I am, still cutting, struggling with an...
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    I was molested by my father

    and i kept it hidden for a year. I constantly blame myself especially if he could end up in jail. I am scared of what will come of the investigation
    savigirl14 savigirl14 16-17, F 6 Responses Aug 9, 2014

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    Survivor Huh? Yeah...but Maybe Thts Not The Right Term.

    I hate bastards who abuse children!! Every time I read about something like that, I get a lot of mixed feelings, some of them twisted raging anger, and relief because I am not alone, a sense of belonging or something...relating to someone...but its all bitterness, scared fear, I...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 9, 2010

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    This Is What I Feel When I'm Reminded Of It.

    Those white butterflies pretty and white dancing in the valley colorful and bright. Yes, those white butterflies tried escape but caught wings pinned, wings torn. Yes, those white butterflies turning grey and pale motionless and calm wide open eyes but see only the dark. Those...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 15, 2012

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    trying to figure out

    if I was sexually abused as a child. I can't remember but things have been coming back to me recently and wondering if that's why I have not been able to have normal sexual relations with people that I have dated and liked. I never thought about it before but it seems to be...
    roks94 roks94 18-21, M 1 Response Apr 7

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    I was abused by my father

    as a child. We were Jehovahs Witnesses at the time and I told a family friend what was happening. He went and told the elders of the congregation who told him to keep his mouth shut and not to let it get out. Unfortunately he listened to them. Has anyone else experienced this...
    meemaw2011 meemaw2011 41-45, F 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Does anyone else in this group suffer from

    major health anxiety now as a result from our traumatic pasts?? Like worry that you are sick or going to die? I feel like it's because after all of the years of hurting now I just want to be happy and if I were to die my whole life would have just been hurting.
    Happybri123 Happybri123 18-21, F Mar 28

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    I still remember an elder person in ma

    neighborhood using me for sexual pleasure. He used to keep ma hands on his d**k and made me jerk it.. I guess I was 4 or so at that time. I don't really understand what pleasure he might have derived from that. As a kid I was not interested for sure and even now being straight I...
    a090109 a090109 18-21, M Jan 4

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    I'm at a time where I wish I had never told

    anyone. I was abused between age 5-7 by my babysitter. He was at least 40 years older then me. I didn't tell anyone until I was 13. I don't remember much from suppressing my memory but that doesn't stop the flashbacks. I now have major depression, pcos, PTSD, sleep apnea and...
    Chinoi6 Chinoi6 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 20, 2014

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    It Only Happened The Once!!!!

    I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A place with trees, and old gravel extraction pit, it was an escape from the the work we had to do when i was a child., parents worked the land and needed my help, I had no choice, that I was not supposed to be in, it was all fenced...
    KnobbyKnees KnobbyKnees 46-50, M 11 Responses Jan 2, 2011

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