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I Am a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,960 People

    It Only Happened The Once!!!!

    I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A place with trees, and old gravel extraction pit, it was an escape from the the work we had to do when i was a child., parents worked the land and needed my help, I had no choice, that I was not supposed to be in, it was all fenced...
    KnobbyKnees KnobbyKnees 46-50, M 11 Responses Jan 2, 2011

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    Dark

    It all so dark. My room and my walls. My heart is pounding. It's beating is a noise. I'm still. Like a corpse. But my eyes are opened. And I'm seeing the dark. I can see through the dark. Feeling it all around me, covering me. Like a black ink. Comforting me. It's like a cover, a...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

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    I was 8 years old when he first touched me.

    He was in the basement spending the day at our house watching tv. I went to ask him if he wanted to play with me and my sisters, because he usually would. He told me he was too tired to play so I told him ok. I went turned around and went to walk upstairs until he strangely...
    loverenzy loverenzy 16-17, F Jan 11

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    My life feels like a death sentence in America.

    You know you're going to die soon, but it never seems to happen. Delays and confusion torture you. Be better just to get it over with, but people think this is for the best. I imagine that even if you didn't do anything wrong that part of you wishes for death. Better than...
    Ashclo Ashclo 26-30, F 1 Response Jan 17

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    When I was eleven, I told my mom about how my

    dad had sexually abused me. It took courage but I had to when he first raped me. My mom kicked him out. For some reason the judge didn't think it was a big deal. Smh. I had anxiety and major depression. Saying it is not easy. It seems easy. Kids feel ashamed and parents won't...
    sheyisme sheyisme 16-17 2 Responses Oct 26, 2015

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    Operation Be A Kid Again

    Operation Be A Kid Again( from my blog www.diaryofabrokenchild.blogspot.com) This is my list of things I never got to do as a kid, got to do but want to do again or just things I wanna try as an adult that have nothing to do with childhood. This list could be call Operation...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 2, 2013

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    This Is What I Feel When I'm Reminded Of It.

    Those white butterflies pretty and white dancing in the valley colorful and bright. Yes, those white butterflies tried escape but caught wings pinned, wings torn. Yes, those white butterflies turning grey and pale motionless and calm wide open eyes but see only the dark. Those...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 15, 2012

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    I'm afraid even to this day to share this.

    We as children were taught to trust family and family friends. When I was nine years old that trust was shattered replaced by shame guilt lust unimaginable sexual appetite. I was forced into sex by my aunt with her daughters. Add into that crazy mix a family friend raped me...
    Soulsearching40 Soulsearching40 36-40, M Sep 16, 2015

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    May Trigger

    He held me down. Forced me onto the bed, couch, floor, wherever he wanted me to be. If I ran from him, he would catch me. Sometimes, he would just grab me and carry me back to where I was “supposed” to be. Other times, he would push me in front of him, leading me to where...
    monsterwithinme monsterwithinme 18-21, F 6 Responses Feb 7, 2013

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    I'm at a time where I wish I had never told

    anyone. I was abused between age 5-7 by my babysitter. He was at least 40 years older then me. I didn't tell anyone until I was 13. I don't remember much from suppressing my memory but that doesn't stop the flashbacks. I now have major depression, pcos, PTSD, sleep apnea and...
    Chinoi6 Chinoi6 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 20, 2014

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    ***TRIGGER WARNING*** If songs similar to your

    situation don't help. Then do NOT listen to this. But this song has helped me a lot since I found it. So I thought I'd post it here in hopes that it helps some of you to xox. http://youtu.be/TXIP6DHrc2I
    ImBatmanShhh ImBatmanShhh 16-17, T 1 Response Sep 8, 2015

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    I moved to Louisiana from Nebraska

    when I was 3. When I was 6 my step father abused me sexually. He was drunk and I didn't know he was my step father I thought he was my real dad. The next morning I told my mom but she didn't believe me. Two weeks later a BARE officer came to speak at our school. She told us we...
    HaleyMHanak HaleyMHanak 16-17, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Was "abused". I Don't Know How I Feel. I Know I Don't Feel Human. But Someday I Will.

    For the longest time I thought I had imagined it. I honestly thought it was a product of my feverish imagination but then again... Why would anyone IMAGINE THAT?? I was sexually taken advantage of as a child. I cannot honestly say I was abused or that I Feel abused because it did...
    Janewise13 Janewise13 18-21 11 Responses Nov 5, 2011

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    it happened and i cant change it

    but i refuse to let it define who i am as a person
    daniellefeather28 daniellefeather28 26-30, F Jan 8, 2014

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    Self-Delusion

    Today, I had a long conversation with a new EP member who contacted me because she saw that I belonged to a group for those who had been sexually exploited as children. I don’t know why, but I ended up telling her more of my story than I had ever told anyone before. Others have...
    Rutterman Rutterman 36-40, M 8 Responses Oct 27, 2013

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    Am I a survivor I don't know I don't feel like

    one well I am living but that doesn't mean I am alive
    innocentsoul innocentsoul 18-21 3 Responses Jul 2, 2015

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    I don't know if I am a survivor.

    ..Yes I have a heartbeat, but am I really alive?? My first abuser was my father. He then created a ring of people. I don't know how I survived physically. Mentally, they broke me. I got free when I was 22. I don't know how to live in this world. I don't know what the rules are. I...
    CRPSsurviving CRPSsurviving 26-30, F 2 Responses Jul 3, 2015

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    Surviving Evil-my Story Of Molestation And Moving On.

    I was 10. Mom had met yet another guy. I didn't thik he'd last, they rarely did. I was wrong. He treated my mom like i thought she deserved to be treated at that time in my life. I wanted my mom happy, and he made her happy. He treated me well to which just made things even...
    SSRaye05 SSRaye05 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 3, 2013

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    When my mother died when I was 10,

    her partner forged her will and took custody of us. Nobody ever looked into it, or the constant rape and abuse he'd inflict on her, and because she was very sick both mentally and physically, it was never questioned. But when I turned 10, I started to develop, and he took the...
    Ejoyh97 Ejoyh97 18-21, F 17 mins ago

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    My Dad

    He was a horrible man.. He used to hit me and call me names when I was younger. I tried to not let it bother me, But one night he took it way too far.. He and his 2 friends came home all ****** up on heroin and alcohol. They came into my room and woke me up. Then continued to...
    MarissaMoon MarissaMoon 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 6, 2013

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    I was about 3 1/2 when it first started.

    My mom had divorced my real dad and was dating my aunt husbands brother. I never knew this this years later when they split up and a chance meeting with my real dad happened in a McDonald's. I thought that piece of crap was my real dad. Neither were worth much of anything. His...
    bobroberts123 bobroberts123 66-70, M 2 Responses Sep 2, 2015

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    I was sexually abused

    for several years when I was a child. My psychological problems followed me for many years . Because I did allow it to happen even though I understood it was very wrong. But mainly because he manipulated me and what he did to me started to feel very nice and because of that I...
    Emmajulia Emmajulia 46-50, F 9 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    I'm talking to the police about my brother

    who sexually abused me for years as a child. My family are furious and can't understand why I'm doing this. I am starting to feel guilty and that I don't have a right to seek justice. Supportive comments required!
    Bluetemple Bluetemple 26-30, F 4 Responses Aug 6, 2015

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    Hello I want to share my experience with the

    net. When I was 10 and my brother was 3 We were having fun. No clue about what sex is. We played with games with eachother... Then one day i told him: Suck my penis and I will suck you back. So he did it. Afther a while we did it almost everyday. Afther a while he said : No I...
    iloveleagueoflegends iloveleagueoflegends 22-25, M 2 Responses Jul 25, 2015

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    Whatever You Do, Don't Tell Anyone--you'll Ruin His Family...

    Those were the words my parents used to help me "deal" with Mr. Klomen, the Head of the Upper School, who after weeks of inappropriate touching, finally went to the next level destroying the trust and admiration I felt for him, crossing all boundaries and throwing me into a...
    light62 light62 46-50, F 5 Responses Oct 24, 2012

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    The abuse started when I was

    so young, three maybe four. I stopped it when I was 12 and things became really bad, he never touched me again but began mentally abusing and controlling me. It took me a while but I realised he was the weak one. I stopped him and was no longer the victim.
    lsdcn lsdcn 46-50, F Jun 13, 2014

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    when I was 5, I was abused by a female neighbor.

    .. it affects me to this day, I remember me refusing to do what she wanted, she beat me, threw me against a wall and told me I have no choice... she ruined my childhood
    willazrael willazrael 18-21, M 1 Response Jun 9, 2015

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    A few months ago I began having memories of

    feelings. Of vulnerability, fear, disgust. Then I began having visual memories of being sexually abused as a child by a man my parents hired as a music teacher. My husband doesn't believe me. I have trouble believing myself. I am terrified at what I will continue to remember yet...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Sep 26, 2015

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    "That my body is all

    that I am", how well I know the feeling. I just read about another woman that was sexually abused growing up and the quote is from her story. Reading it made me want to stand up among you and share some of my feelings and experience. I was molested and prostituted from a very...
    CaningCaregiver CaningCaregiver 31-35, F 10 Responses May 4, 2015

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    Still to this day I don't know

    why it happened, or if I am in fact a virgin... And I think that's what messed me up the most. And I can't even ask... Cause he's gone from this world now, but he was gone from my world much sooner.
    ImBatmanShhh ImBatmanShhh 16-17, T 1 Response Sep 6, 2015

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    Touch Of Healing

    :: Dedicated to my Angel :: Many survivors are not so lucky to get the "priceless" feeling, what I call 'Touch of healing', but I was lucky enough to experience it a few times. He was the only person whom I told the whole 'story'. I don't know what made me speak in front of him...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 1, 2013

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    justwanabe justwanabe 22-25, F 4 Responses Dec 25, 2015

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    When i was about 3 or 4,

    my sister came to get me and told me that Sandy, the Indian man who lived with us almost constantly since birth, until my parents separated in year 10 when i was about 13, wanted to show us something. She told me he had said to wait in the bathroom, and then when he was ready...
    PixieGrin108 PixieGrin108 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 2, 2015

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    I Don't Know Whats Worse..

    I don't know whats worse...remembering or not remembering. I kept these secrets locked away in my mind for to long and now  they've returned to me in bits and pieces. With flashes of hands and heavy breaths. With words of a father saying "this is how daddy's show their love" and...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 8 Responses Dec 19, 2011

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    My Life In Pretence

    I don't like talking about it. For the most part of my life, I pretended it was all a dream, a nightmare, something so hazy that it fades in the background and pretend it didn't happen to me. But I couldn't carry on pretending any longer. Not when I try to have a serious...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 20 Responses Oct 7, 2010

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    This story is my own,

    I’m not telling it to get pity but cause it helps to talk about it and I know it can help others in the same situation or who have been there…. This is not a fun story, some may find it hard some may find it hard… some can relate.. When I was born, I already had a big...
    ChantouKimmy ChantouKimmy 41-45, F 11 Responses Jan 16, 2015

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    I'm having a horrible day.

    So much was/is triggering me today. I was just wondering if anyone out there can please talk to me...
    CRPSsurviving CRPSsurviving 26-30, F 3 Responses Jul 6, 2015

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    I Have Survived

    I have survived but i don't know at what price. I don't know where the experience ends and I start. All i know is that it influences everything i feel, do, experience. I try to leave it behind but i still carry it with me and maybe always will. It is so much to carry it all...
    pinkpandaboi pinkpandaboi 18-21, M 5 Responses Nov 12, 2013

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    It is my dearest hope

    that others will be encouraged by this. For many years I was adversely affected by these early childhood traumas, remaining a victim to the abuse (yes, there were multiple starting at the tender age of two). I honestly didn't think there was any other option for me but to try...
    Islamujer Islamujer 41-45, F 4 Responses Jan 30

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    I have so much to say.

    But I don't know where to start, what to say, or how to say it...
    ImBatmanShhh ImBatmanShhh 16-17, T Sep 6, 2015

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    I was perfectly fine.

    I was actually happy. I had no scars on my skin, I didn't want to die, and the smile on my face wasn't fake. But then my friend shared a video on Facebook... And in that video was a guy in about his 40s holding up pieces of paper he had written on cause he would breakdown if he...
    ImBatmanShhh ImBatmanShhh 16-17, T Sep 6, 2015

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    The insensitivity of others.

    I was at a meeting today for business. One of the presenters gave a very good presentation on childhood trauma and the effects. I found it personally and professionally informative. I really do try my best at meetings or training to get something out of it. This is a new job...
    hischelsea hischelsea 46-50, F 3 Responses Apr 10, 2014

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    That stuff kills us. I hope everyone reading

    realizes how much it hurts and traumatizes us. It's not that "sex isn't a big deal" because for some it is and for some it isn't. However, it's that lack of control - of knowing what happened to you isn't your choice, and of knowing that someone you love and trust can place your...
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 16-17, F 6 Responses Dec 31, 2013

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    I am too. I went through years of therapy

    and I can confidently say that I am ok but, not a day goes by that I don't think about it. I want to share my experience with others in hopes of helping them deal with the PTSD they are most likely suffering from. It can be a very dark, lonely and terrifying place to be in. I...
    Italy4me Italy4me 46-50 Aug 3, 2015

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    I was sexually abused on a daily basis by my

    stepfather from the ages 7-12. I'm now 23. There is so much that has happened in between that I don't know how to begin to write. Some days are better then others. Although it's always there, bubbling beneath the surface. It's hard to explain, but it's just sadness. Absolute...
    asha1991 asha1991 22-25, F 8 Responses May 6, 2014

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