Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Am a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,758 People

    I was abused by my father

    as a child. We were Jehovahs Witnesses at the time and I told a family friend what was happening. He went and told the elders of the congregation who told him to keep his mouth shut and not to let it get out. Unfortunately he listened to them. Has anyone else experienced this...
    meemaw2011 meemaw2011 41-45, F 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes I wonder what other people dream

    about. I used to dream about going to live in the clouds with the angels. Looking down at the world as I fly through the sky. Leaving everything and anyone who ever hurt me behind. Forgetting every mistake I ever made. Losing myself in nothingness. Now, all I see is reality...
    Ashclo Ashclo 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 19, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Touch Of Healing

    :: Dedicated to my Angel :: Many survivors are not so lucky to get the "priceless" feeling, what I call 'Touch of healing', but I was lucky enough to experience it a few times. He was the only person whom I told the whole 'story'. I don't know what made me speak in front of him...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was 11... He was 18.

    I considered him as the best friend ever. His family was very close to mine. We visited each other often. I was too innocent to realise that all of his gifts and kisses were a warning of what was going to happen. It was during a night. I was alone. He was there. It...
    EarlPhantomhive EarlPhantomhive 18-21, F 6 Responses Oct 31, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Chrissy Grass between my toes

    and sun shining on my dark head, I was at peace. I loved and lived in the moment. I had no understanding of the past or the future. I only knew of the now. The now being outside playing with stray cats. Swimming in the kiddy pool bought from the dollar store. Having the chance...
    Punchinginadream Punchinginadream 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 27, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Life In Pretence

    I don't like talking about it. For the most part of my life, I pretended it was all a dream, a nightmare, something so hazy that it fades in the background and pretend it didn't happen to me. But I couldn't carry on pretending any longer. Not when I try to have a serious...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 20 Responses Oct 7, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was abused from the ages of 4-6.

    Pretty much everything under the sun, including child *********** and child grooming. Rape, etc.
    Punchinginadream Punchinginadream 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was sexually abused by someone i still see

    every day. It affected my life greatly, and I still have flashbacks of it. It happened for a while before she was caught. And in my own home. I tell everyone that I dont remember it, but I do. Vividly.
    mugzib mugzib 16-17, F Nov 3, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was molested by my father

    and i kept it hidden for a year. I constantly blame myself especially if he could end up in jail. I am scared of what will come of the investigation
    savigirl14 savigirl14 16-17, F 6 Responses Aug 9, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just writing that title fills me with

    trepidation! Does anyone else have difficulty just talking about what happened? It is very difficult to find the courage to talk about it because I was threatened for so many years what would happen if I ever revealed the truth. Why did I believe their threats? And now that...
    brokenat5 brokenat5 61-65, M 1 Response Dec 30, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    it happened and i cant change it

    but i refuse to let it define who i am as a person
    daniellefeather28 daniellefeather28 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 8, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel
    beetlejuice1 beetlejuice1 36-40, M 3 Responses Dec 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Does anyone still feel a certain amount of

    guilt attached to the abuse?? yes now am older and know better but a part of me is still loyal to him and would do what he wanted me to do I hate the way my mind thinks it creeps me out even today.
    maleeny maleeny 18-21, F 1 Response a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Little Start

    I lay sleeping, until my bedroom door is ajar. I see his shadow through the hall way light. My heart starts pounding, How long do i have? Should I make a run for it, or lay silent and be still, I'm only a child, not more than eight, I close my eyes with the first tear, And pray...
    Estel1980 Estel1980 26-30 2 Responses Aug 25, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Feeling Uncertain

    I've been through a lot of abuse in my life...verbal,physical, emotional,sexual..i don't really talk about it. I'm afraid if i do the people will look at me differently. I'm always smiling and staying positive and strong to help others..i'm so scared that if i tell people the...
    somethingspecial1 somethingspecial1 22-25, F 8 Responses Aug 24, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Truth is, I just really want to put a *******

    bullet in my head. I don't care about world peace. I don't care about feeding the needy. I don't care about global warming. I just want to die. Maybe I'm a terrible *******. Maybe I don't have a soul. If I'm certain about anything it's that I don't belong here. My life never...
    Ashclo Ashclo 22-25, F 5 Responses Mar 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The abuse started when I was

    so young, three maybe four. I stopped it when I was 12 and things became really bad, he never touched me again but began mentally abusing and controlling me. It took me a while but I realised he was the weak one. I stopped him and was no longer the victim.
    lsdcn lsdcn 46-50, F Jun 13, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Was "abused". I Don't Know How I Feel. I Know I Don't Feel Human. But Someday I Will.

    For the longest time I thought I had imagined it. I honestly thought it was a product of my feverish imagination but then again... Why would anyone IMAGINE THAT?? I was sexually taken advantage of as a child. I cannot honestly say I was abused or that I Feel abused because it did...
    Janewise13 Janewise13 18-21 11 Responses Nov 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was sexually abused on a daily basis by my

    stepfather from the ages 7-12. I'm now 23. There is so much that has happened in between that I don't know how to begin to write. Some days are better then others. Although it's always there, bubbling beneath the surface. It's hard to explain, but it's just sadness. Absolute...
    asha1991 asha1991 22-25, F 8 Responses May 6, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Don't Know Whats Worse..

    I don't know whats worse...remembering or not remembering. I kept these secrets locked away in my mind for to long and now  they've returned to me in bits and pieces. With flashes of hands and heavy breaths. With words of a father saying "this is how daddy's show their love" and...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 7 Responses Dec 19, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Surviving Evil-my Story Of Molestation And Moving On.

    I was 10. Mom had met yet another guy. I didn't thik he'd last, they rarely did. I was wrong. He treated my mom like i thought she deserved to be treated at that time in my life. I wanted my mom happy, and he made her happy. He treated me well to which just made things even...
    SSRaye05 SSRaye05 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 3, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Survivor Huh? Yeah...but Maybe Thts Not The Right Term.

    I hate bastards who abuse children!! Every time I read about something like that, I get a lot of mixed feelings, some of them twisted raging anger, and relief because I am not alone, a sense of belonging or something...relating to someone...but its all bitterness, scared fear, I...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 9, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was sexually abused

    for several years when I was a child. My psychological problems followed me for many years . Because I did allow it to happen even though I understood it was very wrong. But mainly because he manipulated me and what he did to me started to feel very nice and because of that I...
    EmmaHansson EmmaHansson 46-50, F 5 Responses Nov 2, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This story is my own,

    I’m not telling it to get pity but cause it helps to talk about it and I know it can help others in the same situation or who have been there…. This is not a fun story, some may find it hard some may find it hard… some can relate.. When I was born, I already had a big...
    ChantouKimmy ChantouKimmy 41-45, F 10 Responses Jan 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I had been sexually abused by my father.

    Is there anyone just like me here??
    JerryJerryA JerryJerryA 31-35, F 3 Responses Feb 14

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Operation Be A Kid Again

    Operation Be A Kid Again( from my blog www.diaryofabrokenchild.blogspot.com) This is my list of things I never got to do as a kid, got to do but want to do again or just things I wanna try as an adult that have nothing to do with childhood. This list could be call Operation...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 2, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The woman who gave me life was a pedo magnet

    One boyfriend after another, a parade of deviant malcontents With their eyes trained on the little one and not on her When the heavy foot steps weight the wooden floor in light even steps that crept to my door I slip fully clothed from my bed, into the dark, into the quiet...
    khewster khewster 36-40, F 1 Response Oct 9, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This Is What I Feel When I'm Reminded Of It.

    Those white butterflies pretty and white dancing in the valley colorful and bright. Yes, those white butterflies tried escape but caught wings pinned, wings torn. Yes, those white butterflies turning grey and pale motionless and calm wide open eyes but see only the dark. Those...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Dad

    He was a horrible man.. He used to hit me and call me names when I was younger. I tried to not let it bother me, But one night he took it way too far.. He and his 2 friends came home all ****** up on heroin and alcohol. They came into my room and woke me up. Then continued to...
    MarissaMoon MarissaMoon 16-17, F 2 Responses Oct 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Does anyone else in this group suffer from

    major health anxiety now as a result from our traumatic pasts?? Like worry that you are sick or going to die? I feel like it's because after all of the years of hurting now I just want to be happy and if I were to die my whole life would have just been hurting.
    Happybri123 Happybri123 18-21, F Mar 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I still remember an elder person in ma

    neighborhood using me for sexual pleasure. He used to keep ma hands on his d**k and made me jerk it.. I guess I was 4 or so at that time. I don't really understand what pleasure he might have derived from that. As a kid I was not interested for sure and even now being straight I...
    a090109 a090109 18-21, M Jan 4

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm at a time where I wish I had never told

    anyone. I was abused between age 5-7 by my babysitter. He was at least 40 years older then me. I didn't tell anyone until I was 13. I don't remember much from suppressing my memory but that doesn't stop the flashbacks. I now have major depression, pcos, PTSD, sleep apnea and...
    Chinoi6 Chinoi6 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It Only Happened The Once!!!!

    I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A place with trees, and old gravel extraction pit, it was an escape from the the work we had to do when i was a child., parents worked the land and needed my help, I had no choice, that I was not supposed to be in, it was all fenced...
    KnobbyKnees KnobbyKnees 46-50, M 11 Responses Jan 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Maybe it was my fault.

    .. Funny how if someone tells you something over and over you start to believe it
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 17, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The insensitivity of others.

    I was at a meeting today for business. One of the presenters gave a very good presentation on childhood trauma and the effects. I found it personally and professionally informative. I really do try my best at meetings or training to get something out of it. This is a new job...
    hischelsea hischelsea 46-50, F 3 Responses Apr 10, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    That stuff kills us. I hope everyone reading

    realizes how much it hurts and traumatizes us. It's not that "sex isn't a big deal" because for some it is and for some it isn't. However, it's that lack of control - of knowing what happened to you isn't your choice, and of knowing that someone you love and trust can place your...
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 16-17, F 7 Responses Dec 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Self-Delusion

    Today, I had a long conversation with a new EP member who contacted me because she saw that I belonged to a group for those who had been sexually exploited as children. I don’t know why, but I ended up telling her more of my story than I had ever told anyone before. Others have...
    Rutterman Rutterman 36-40, M 10 Responses Oct 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Whatever You Do, Don't Tell Anyone--you'll Ruin His Family...

    Those were the words my parents used to help me "deal" with Mr. Klomen, the Head of the Upper School, who after weeks of inappropriate touching, finally went to the next level destroying the trust and admiration I felt for him, crossing all boundaries and throwing me into a...
    light62 light62 46-50, F 5 Responses Oct 24, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I've posted on here before,

    but now I just recently got new information. My rapist is my half brother, who before I had a mental breakdown I still talked too. He was engaged to a girl and had my niece. Now I haven't spoken to him in over two years and find out this weekend he got some other new lady...
    hellokittysr hellokittysr 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 19

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Today is am abuser's birthday.

    This could possibly be the worst day of the year. Even after all he did to me, he still gets so much support and love from friends and family. I hate it so much. It's not fair that he gets to be all happy and supported and such...but here I am, still cutting, struggling with an...
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 4 Responses Nov 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    i am sad every day. i am lonely every day.

    Even though it's stopped, i still have nightmares. Everyone says it will get easier with time, but i don't believe them. No one will ever be able to love me, i don't think. Not since i am so broken. i want to be home-schooled but my mom won't let me, and going to school is the...
    brokenlittlebird brokenlittlebird 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 15

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Woke up in the night

    and heard a noise.... I thought it was him coming back. Now the light is on and I'm terrified to sleep...again :/
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F Oct 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was sexually abused by my brother 7 years ago

    and never told anybody. I need help because I don't know what to do. I'm in college. He's three years older than me and still lives at home so I have to see him once a month and I hate him for this.
    Elizabeth180 Elizabeth180 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I still think about it sometimes -

    and although I do, it doesn't mean I am not over it. I survived. It stayed with me but I survived. :)
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 16-17, F 1 Response Jun 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When I was younger I was molested by my brother

    in law. My mother and sister know but they don't believe it. Every time I look at his face I get sick. We talked about what happend and he always says he was sorry. He wish he never did it. I forgave him but I'll never forget. It messed me up.
    babykaykez19 babykaykez19 18-21, F 4 Responses Nov 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'll Do Anything To Forget It.

    I'll do anything to forget the memories and feelings. Ive tried everything. Every bloody thing. I read that only way to get over it is to keep talking about it. I read that the more we talk, the more it loses its impact from our lives. So I started typing and talking about it...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel