I Am a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,926 People

    I need confirmation or criticism

    if I am in the wrong! Please be honest with me! So I was sexually abused by my brother and his friend when I was a little girl. I was terrified to tell my mother because o thought it was my fault. After finally confessing, my mother had him apologize and then had me...
    BrokenNOTcracked BrokenNOTcracked
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Sep 5, 2015

    And since I already spoke up,

    I may as well say more. Warnings for triggers, long winded rambling, and semi-detailed descriptions. My stepfather was a generally good man. He raised me, treated me like his own blood child; he clearly cared for me more than my alcoholic absentee of a 'real' father. Which...
    xxLailahxx xxLailahxx
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Feb 23

    I still think about it sometimes -

    and although I do, it doesn't mean I am not over it. I survived. It stayed with me but I survived. :)
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun
    16-17, F
    1 Response Jun 28, 2014

    I have so much to say.

    But I don't know where to start, what to say, or how to say it...
    ImBatmanShhh ImBatmanShhh
    16-17, T
    Sep 6, 2015

    I'm talking to the police about my brother

    who sexually abused me for years as a child. My family are furious and can't understand why I'm doing this. I am starting to feel guilty and that I don't have a right to seek justice. Supportive comments required!
    Bluetemple Bluetemple
    26-30, F
    3 Responses Aug 6, 2015

    I was perfectly fine.

    I was actually happy. I had no scars on my skin, I didn't want to die, and the smile on my face wasn't fake. But then my friend shared a video on Facebook... And in that video was a guy in about his 40s holding up pieces of paper he had written on cause he would breakdown if he...
    ImBatmanShhh ImBatmanShhh
    16-17, T
    Sep 6, 2015

    I Was "abused". I Don't Know How I Feel. I Know I Don't Feel Human. But Someday I Will.

    For the longest time I thought I had imagined it. I honestly thought it was a product of my feverish imagination but then again... Why would anyone IMAGINE THAT?? I was sexually taken advantage of as a child. I cannot honestly say I was abused or that I Feel abused because it did...
    Janewise13 Janewise13
    18-21
    11 Responses Nov 5, 2011

    Surviving Evil-my Story Of Molestation And Moving On.

    I was 10. Mom had met yet another guy. I didn't thik he'd last, they rarely did. I was wrong. He treated my mom like i thought she deserved to be treated at that time in my life. I wanted my mom happy, and he made her happy. He treated me well to which just made things even...
    SSRaye05 SSRaye05
    26-30, F
    1 Response Feb 3, 2013

    It is my dearest hope

    that others will be encouraged by this. For many years I was adversely affected by these early childhood traumas, remaining a victim to the abuse (yes, there were multiple starting at the tender age of two). I honestly didn't think there was any other option for me but to try...
    Islamujer Islamujer
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Jan 30

    I was molested by my father

    and i kept it hidden for a year. I constantly blame myself especially if he could end up in jail. I am scared of what will come of the investigation
    savigirl14 savigirl14
    16-17, F
    6 Responses Aug 9, 2014

    It Only Happened The Once!!!!

    I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A place with trees, and old gravel extraction pit, it was an escape from the the work we had to do when i was a child., parents worked the land and needed my help, I had no choice, that I was not supposed to be in, it was all fenced...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    8 Responses Jan 2, 2011

    May Trigger

    He held me down. Forced me onto the bed, couch, floor, wherever he wanted me to be. If I ran from him, he would catch me. Sometimes, he would just grab me and carry me back to where I was “supposed” to be. Other times, he would push me in front of him, leading me to where...
    monsterwithinme monsterwithinme
    18-21, F
    6 Responses Feb 7, 2013

    I am too. I went through years of therapy

    and I can confidently say that I am ok but, not a day goes by that I don't think about it. I want to share my experience with others in hopes of helping them deal with the PTSD they are most likely suffering from. It can be a very dark, lonely and terrifying place to be in. I...
    Italy4me Italy4me
    46-50
    Aug 3, 2015

    ***TRIGGER WARNING*** If songs similar to your

    situation don't help. Then do NOT listen to this. But this song has helped me a lot since I found it. So I thought I'd post it here in hopes that it helps some of you to xox. http://youtu.be/TXIP6DHrc2I
    ImBatmanShhh ImBatmanShhh
    16-17, T
    1 Response Sep 8, 2015

    I Don't Know Whats Worse..

    I don't know whats worse...remembering or not remembering. I kept these secrets locked away in my mind for to long and now  they've returned to me in bits and pieces. With flashes of hands and heavy breaths. With words of a father saying "this is how daddy's show their love" and...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850
    18-21, F
    8 Responses Dec 19, 2011

    I was 11... He was 18.

    I considered him as the best friend ever. His family was very close to mine. We visited each other often. I was too innocent to realise that all of his gifts and kisses were a warning of what was going to happen. It was during a night. I was alone. He was there. It...
    EarlPhantomhive EarlPhantomhive
    18-21, F
    6 Responses Oct 31, 2014

    I don't know if I am a survivor.

    ..Yes I have a heartbeat, but am I really alive?? My first abuser was my father. He then created a ring of people. I don't know how I survived physically. Mentally, they broke me. I got free when I was 22. I don't know how to live in this world. I don't know what the rules are. I...
    CRPSsurviving CRPSsurviving
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Jul 3, 2015

    I think in going to cry!

    !! I just came across the mugshot of my great uncle (person who sexually abused me). I went through therapy when it happened and it hasn't bothered me since... Well until this year
    FallOutGirl03 FallOutGirl03
    26-30, F
    Mar 22

    Still to this day I don't know

    why it happened, or if I am in fact a virgin... And I think that's what messed me up the most. And I can't even ask... Cause he's gone from this world now, but he was gone from my world much sooner.
    ImBatmanShhh ImBatmanShhh
    16-17, T
    1 Response Sep 6, 2015

    "That my body is all

    that I am", how well I know the feeling. I just read about another woman that was sexually abused growing up and the quote is from her story. Reading it made me want to stand up among you and share some of my feelings and experience. I was molested and prostituted from a very...
    CaningCaregiver CaningCaregiver
    31-35, F
    8 Responses May 4, 2015

    My Dad

    He was a horrible man.. He used to hit me and call me names when I was younger. I tried to not let it bother me, But one night he took it way too far.. He and his 2 friends came home all ****** up on heroin and alcohol. They came into my room and woke me up. Then continued to...
    MarissaMoon MarissaMoon
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Oct 6, 2013

    I'm afraid even to this day to share this.

    We as children were taught to trust family and family friends. When I was nine years old that trust was shattered replaced by shame guilt lust unimaginable sexual appetite. I was forced into sex by my aunt with her daughters. Add into that crazy mix a family friend raped me...
    Soulsearching40 Soulsearching40
    36-40, M
    Sep 16, 2015

    Self-Delusion

    Today, I had a long conversation with a new EP member who contacted me because she saw that I belonged to a group for those who had been sexually exploited as children. I don’t know why, but I ended up telling her more of my story than I had ever told anyone before. Others have...
    Rutterman Rutterman
    36-40, M
    6 Responses Oct 27, 2013

    I Get It

    I was sexually abused by my uncle when I was around 3-4 years old. He liked to take out his penis, lay me on top of him and kiss me hard on the mouth. One time I remember waking up and he was performing oral sex on me. I can also remember him tricking me into performing oral...
    Italy4me Italy4me
    46-50
    1 Response Oct 17, 2013

    I was sexually abused by my mother

    and other women. People who are sexually abused by women are silenced, shamed, and denied a lot more than those abused by men. But there are a lot of us and we don't deserve to be ignored, silenced, shamed or denied. I couldn't even find a group about it here on EP. I...
    TruthSpeaks71 TruthSpeaks71
    41-45
    5 Responses Sep 20, 2015

    I always watched baby Einstein on my brothers

    computer, he was the only one who had a disk drive. I loved watching it, i was 3 at the time, about to turn 4. One night, he asked me if I wanted a doughnut, me being a child, i agreed. (Keep this in mind, my brother was 12). He made me suck his thing..., This didn't last long...
    Lexish Lexish
    13-15, F
    3 Responses Jul 6, 2015

    CULT SURVIVOR I grew up in a evangelical

    fundamentalist group that was ran by my "Family". I escaped child abuse, neglect and the rise of a religious cult. I am finally willing to share my story. The more it gets out there- The safer I am. PLEASE HELP.
    DestinyChangesC DestinyChangesC
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Jul 9, 2015

    A few months ago I began having memories of

    feelings. Of vulnerability, fear, disgust. Then I began having visual memories of being sexually abused as a child by a man my parents hired as a music teacher. My husband doesn't believe me. I have trouble believing myself. I am terrified at what I will continue to remember yet...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    6 Responses Sep 26, 2015

    Whatever You Do, Don't Tell Anyone--you'll Ruin His Family...

    Those were the words my parents used to help me "deal" with Mr. Klomen, the Head of the Upper School, who after weeks of inappropriate touching, finally went to the next level destroying the trust and admiration I felt for him, crossing all boundaries and throwing me into a...
    light62 light62
    46-50, F
    5 Responses Oct 24, 2012

    Feeling Uncertain

    I've been through a lot of abuse in my life...verbal,physical, emotional,sexual..i don't really talk about it. I'm afraid if i do the people will look at me differently. I'm always smiling and staying positive and strong to help others..i'm so scared that if i tell people the...
    somethingspecial1 somethingspecial1
    22-25, F
    8 Responses Aug 24, 2012

    That stuff kills us. I hope everyone reading

    realizes how much it hurts and traumatizes us. It's not that "sex isn't a big deal" because for some it is and for some it isn't. However, it's that lack of control - of knowing what happened to you isn't your choice, and of knowing that someone you love and trust can place your...
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun
    16-17, F
    6 Responses Dec 31, 2013

    Touch Of Healing

    :: Dedicated to my Angel :: Many survivors are not so lucky to get the "priceless" feeling, what I call 'Touch of healing', but I was lucky enough to experience it a few times. He was the only person whom I told the whole 'story'. I don't know what made me speak in front of him...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Jan 1, 2013

    The abuse started when I was

    so young, three maybe four. I stopped it when I was 12 and things became really bad, he never touched me again but began mentally abusing and controlling me. It took me a while but I realised he was the weak one. I stopped him and was no longer the victim.
    lsdcn lsdcn
    46-50, F
    Jun 13, 2014

    When I was eleven, I told my mom about how my

    dad had sexually abused me. It took courage but I had to when he first raped me. My mom kicked him out. For some reason the judge didn't think it was a big deal. Smh. I had anxiety and major depression. Saying it is not easy. It seems easy. Kids feel ashamed and parents won't...
    sheyisme sheyisme
    16-17
    2 Responses Oct 26, 2015

    I'm at a time where I wish I had never told

    anyone. I was abused between age 5-7 by my babysitter. He was at least 40 years older then me. I didn't tell anyone until I was 13. I don't remember much from suppressing my memory but that doesn't stop the flashbacks. I now have major depression, pcos, PTSD, sleep apnea and...
    Chinoi6 Chinoi6
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Jan 20, 2014

    This Is What I Feel When I'm Reminded Of It.

    Those white butterflies pretty and white dancing in the valley colorful and bright. Yes, those white butterflies tried escape but caught wings pinned, wings torn. Yes, those white butterflies turning grey and pale motionless and calm wide open eyes but see only the dark. Those...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Apr 15, 2012

    I'll Do Anything To Forget It.

    I'll do anything to forget the memories and feelings. Ive tried everything. Every bloody thing. I read that only way to get over it is to keep talking about it. I read that the more we talk, the more it loses its impact from our lives. So I started typing and talking about it...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Jan 10, 2013

    I moved to Louisiana from Nebraska

    when I was 3. When I was 6 my step father abused me sexually. He was drunk and I didn't know he was my step father I thought he was my real dad. The next morning I told my mom but she didn't believe me. Two weeks later a BARE officer came to speak at our school. She told us we...
    HaleyMHanak HaleyMHanak
    16-17, F
    4 Responses Feb 10

    I was sexually abused

    for several years when I was a child. My psychological problems followed me for many years . Because I did allow it to happen even though I understood it was very wrong. But mainly because he manipulated me and what he did to me started to feel very nice and because of that I...
    Emmajulia Emmajulia
    46-50, F
    9 Responses Nov 2, 2014

    You would never think looking at a child such

    as this one, was going through so much sexual abuse. It's sickening and sad looking at this picture knowing what was hiding behind that smile.
    loverenzy loverenzy
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Feb 7

    Hello I want to share my experience with the

    net. When I was 10 and my brother was 3 We were having fun. No clue about what sex is. We played with games with eachother... Then one day i told him: Suck my penis and I will suck you back. So he did it. Afther a while we did it almost everyday. Afther a while he said : No I...
    iloveleagueoflegends iloveleagueoflegends
    22-25, M
    2 Responses Jul 25, 2015

    Operation Be A Kid Again

    Operation Be A Kid Again( from my blog www.diaryofabrokenchild.blogspot.com) This is my list of things I never got to do as a kid, got to do but want to do again or just things I wanna try as an adult that have nothing to do with childhood. This list could be call Operation...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 2, 2013

    A Little Start

    I lay sleeping, until my bedroom door is ajar. I see his shadow through the hall way light. My heart starts pounding, How long do i have? Should I make a run for it, or lay silent and be still, I'm only a child, not more than eight, I close my eyes with the first tear, And pray...
    Estel1980 Estel1980
    26-30
    2 Responses Aug 25, 2012

    Has anyone else who's survived childhood sexual

    abuse had digestive troubles as an adult? I have those kind of problems now and I've need for all the tests possible but they can't figure out what's wrong with me and I read that survivors of sexual abuse tend to have it.
    ParanoidGirl ParanoidGirl
    26-30
    5 Responses Dec 28, 2015

    Dark

    It all so dark. My room and my walls. My heart is pounding. It's beating is a noise. I'm still. Like a corpse. But my eyes are opened. And I'm seeing the dark. I can see through the dark. Feeling it all around me, covering me. Like a black ink. Comforting me. It's like a cover, a...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

    it happened and i cant change it

    but i refuse to let it define who i am as a person
    daniellefeather28 daniellefeather28
    26-30, F
    Jan 8, 2014

    My Life In Pretence

    I don't like talking about it. For the most part of my life, I pretended it was all a dream, a nightmare, something so hazy that it fades in the background and pretend it didn't happen to me. But I couldn't carry on pretending any longer. Not when I try to have a serious...
    hoping2live hoping2live
    22-25, F
    20 Responses Oct 7, 2010

    I was 8 years old when he first touched me.

    He was in the basement spending the day at our house watching tv. I went to ask him if he wanted to play with me and my sisters, because he usually would. He told me he was too tired to play so I told him ok. I went turned around and went to walk upstairs until he strangely...
    loverenzy loverenzy
    16-17, F
    Jan 11

    When i was about 3 or 4,

    my sister came to get me and told me that Sandy, the Indian man who lived with us almost constantly since birth, until my parents separated in year 10 when i was about 13, wanted to show us something. She told me he had said to wait in the bathroom, and then when he was ready...
    PixieGrin108 PixieGrin108
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jul 2, 2015

    I was sexually abused on a daily basis by my

    stepfather from the ages 7-12. I'm now 23. There is so much that has happened in between that I don't know how to begin to write. Some days are better then others. Although it's always there, bubbling beneath the surface. It's hard to explain, but it's just sadness. Absolute...
    asha1991 asha1991
    22-25, F
    6 Responses May 6, 2014

    My uncle has just recently died.

    That's why I am sharing my experience now. I feel such relief and joy at his death but of course I could never verbalise this. You're supposed to be sad when someone dies... Right?!? It started when I was 4 and my mother and I went to visit my uncle and his partner. They told...
    Pattycake1234 Pattycake1234
    26-30, F
    4 Responses Jul 25, 2015

    When I was 6 it was my great grandmas birthday,

    she was turning 80 something... It was a pool party. My great uncle was an alcoholic we were doing shoulder dives, every time we started to get back ready he would touch me weirdly, at the time I didn't think anything of it. Then it happened... He took his left hand and moved...
    FallOutGirl03 FallOutGirl03
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Mar 22

    I Have Survived

    I have survived but i don't know at what price. I don't know where the experience ends and I start. All i know is that it influences everything i feel, do, experience. I try to leave it behind but i still carry it with me and maybe always will. It is so much to carry it all...
    pinkpandaboi pinkpandaboi
    18-21, M
    5 Responses Nov 12, 2013
    justwanabe justwanabe
    26-30, F
    3 Responses Dec 25, 2015

    I'm having a horrible day.

    So much was/is triggering me today. I was just wondering if anyone out there can please talk to me...
    CRPSsurviving CRPSsurviving
    26-30, F
    3 Responses Jul 6, 2015

    To quote someone here whose post inspired me to

    speak: "some victims like the sensation - and that's natural, and they are no more complicit in the act, because they are children and cannot decide" I took a long, long time to get beyond the point where I would have flashbacks whenever someone went down on me and did it well...
    xxLailahxx xxLailahxx
    22-25, F
    1 Response Feb 23

    (BEWARE, THIS IS LENGTHY AND DEscriptIVE) It

    was another night my uncle had stayed over to go work with my dad the next morning. I remember playing with my pink princess bouncy ball in the family room with my two younger sister's Rachel and Char. As we were throwing it to each other, uncle Dan ran in and took the ball and...
    loverenzy loverenzy
    16-17, F
    Jan 11

    Survivor Huh? Yeah...but Maybe Thts Not The Right Term.

    I hate bastards who abuse children!! Every time I read about something like that, I get a lot of mixed feelings, some of them twisted raging anger, and relief because I am not alone, a sense of belonging or something...relating to someone...but its all bitterness, scared fear, I...
    hoping2live hoping2live
    22-25, F
    5 Responses Nov 9, 2010

    I was about 3 1/2 when it first started.

    My mom had divorced my real dad and was dating my aunt husbands brother. I never knew this this years later when they split up and a chance meeting with my real dad happened in a McDonald's. I thought that piece of crap was my real dad. Neither were worth much of anything. His...
    bobroberts123 bobroberts123
    70+, M
    2 Responses Sep 2, 2015

    When I was younger I was molested by my brother

    in law. My mother and sister know but they don't believe it. Every time I look at his face I get sick. We talked about what happend and he always says he was sorry. He wish he never did it. I forgave him but I'll never forget. It messed me up.
    babykaykez19 babykaykez19
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Nov 20, 2014
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