Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Am a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,727 People

    The child in my profile picture is me,

    the day of my fourth birthday. Up on the counter is a bottle of apple juice and a bottle of spiced rum, two of the main ingredients that went into most of my bottles. At night the last three bottles I had, all within ninety minutes, were half milk and half beer. I hated that...
    brokenat5 brokenat5 61-65, M 5 Responses Nov 11, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was 11... He was 18.

    I considered him as the best friend ever. His family was very close to mine. We visited each other often. I was too innocent to realise that all of his gifts and kisses were a warning of what was going to happen. It was during a night. I was alone. He was there. It...
    EarlPhantomhive EarlPhantomhive 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 31, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I've posted on here before,

    but now I just recently got new information. My rapist is my half brother, who before I had a mental breakdown I still talked too. He was engaged to a girl and had my niece. Now I haven't spoken to him in over two years and find out this weekend he got some other new lady...
    hellokittysr hellokittysr 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 19

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I still think about it sometimes -

    and although I do, it doesn't mean I am not over it. I survived. It stayed with me but I survived. :)
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 16-17, F 1 Response Jun 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Touch Of Healing

    :: Dedicated to my Angel :: Many survivors are not so lucky to get the "priceless" feeling, what I call 'Touch of healing', but I was lucky enough to experience it a few times. He was the only person whom I told the whole 'story'. I don't know what made me speak in front of him...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    anyone available to talk tonight?

    I am having some flashbacks and I feel bad. :(
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 16-17, F 9 Responses Aug 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Operation Be A Kid Again

    Operation Be A Kid Again( from my blog www.diaryofabrokenchild.blogspot.com) This is my list of things I never got to do as a kid, got to do but want to do again or just things I wanna try as an adult that have nothing to do with childhood. This list could be call Operation...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 2, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Maybe it was my fault.

    .. Funny how if someone tells you something over and over you start to believe it
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 17, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have been molested 3 times in my life.

    The first was by my uncle which I don't remember too well because I was so young. The second time was by a neighbor and I was only in fifth grade so everything was very confusing. The third time was the most recent I I just turned 16 because I was 16 the man is not punished to...
    AlaskaJo AlaskaJo 16-17, F 2 Responses Jan 20

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Whatever You Do, Don't Tell Anyone--you'll Ruin His Family...

    Those were the words my parents used to help me "deal" with Mr. Klomen, the Head of the Upper School, who after weeks of inappropriate touching, finally went to the next level destroying the trust and admiration I felt for him, crossing all boundaries and throwing me into a...
    light62 light62 46-50, F 5 Responses Oct 24, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm struggling to stay.

    To cope. I'm close to slipping. I don't know how I can do this anymore, and I don't know what to do to heal, or even make nights better.
    Bobbiin Bobbiin 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 12, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Haven't written about it in a while,

    so I guess I should again. To this day no one knows who took away my innocents except for him and some of my family. One person outside of my family almost knows, but not names or seen him or anything like that. I can't bring myself to say his name out loud like that and I don...
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 4 Responses Oct 9, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Chrissy Grass between my toes

    and sun shining on my dark head, I was at peace. I loved and lived in the moment. I had no understanding of the past or the future. I only knew of the now. The now being outside playing with stray cats. Swimming in the kiddy pool bought from the dollar store. Having the chance...
    Punchinginadream Punchinginadream 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 27, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I hate how my past holds me back from things I

    want to do :/ it's haunting and terrifying
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F Oct 15, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This story is my own,

    I’m not telling it to get pity but cause it helps to talk about it and I know it can help others in the same situation or who have been there…. This is not a fun story, some may find it hard some may find it hard… some can relate.. When I was born, I already had a big...
    kimmychantwo kimmychantwo 41-45, F 7 Responses Jan 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Little Start

    I lay sleeping, until my bedroom door is ajar. I see his shadow through the hall way light. My heart starts pounding, How long do i have? Should I make a run for it, or lay silent and be still, I'm only a child, not more than eight, I close my eyes with the first tear, And pray...
    Estel1980 Estel1980 26-30 2 Responses Aug 25, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Survivor Huh? Yeah...but Maybe Thts Not The Right Term.

    I hate bastards who abuse children!! Every time I read about something like that, I get a lot of mixed feelings, some of them twisted raging anger, and relief because I am not alone, a sense of belonging or something...relating to someone...but its all bitterness, scared fear, I...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 9, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    it happened and i cant change it

    but i refuse to let it define who i am as a person
    daniellefeather28 daniellefeather28 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 8, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Today is am abuser's birthday.

    This could possibly be the worst day of the year. Even after all he did to me, he still gets so much support and love from friends and family. I hate it so much. It's not fair that he gets to be all happy and supported and such...but here I am, still cutting, struggling with an...
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 4 Responses Nov 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I had been sexually abused by my father.

    Is there anyone just like me here??
    JerryJerryA JerryJerryA 31-35, F 2 Responses Feb 14

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm at a time where I wish I had never told

    anyone. I was abused between age 5-7 by my babysitter. He was at least 40 years older then me. I didn't tell anyone until I was 13. I don't remember much from suppressing my memory but that doesn't stop the flashbacks. I now have major depression, pcos, PTSD, sleep apnea and...
    Chinoi6 Chinoi6 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I feel like it's better to talk about it.

    Please someone message me so we can talk about it
    mparker7789 mparker7789 22-25, M 3 Responses Sep 13, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was sexually abused by my brother 7 years ago

    and never told anybody. I need help because I don't know what to do. I'm in college. He's three years older than me and still lives at home so I have to see him once a month and I hate him for this.
    Elizabeth180 Elizabeth180 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The insensitivity of others.

    I was at a meeting today for business. One of the presenters gave a very good presentation on childhood trauma and the effects. I found it personally and professionally informative. I really do try my best at meetings or training to get something out of it. This is a new job...
    hischelsea hischelsea 46-50, F 3 Responses Apr 10, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    May Trigger

    He held me down. Forced me onto the bed, couch, floor, wherever he wanted me to be. If I ran from him, he would catch me. Sometimes, he would just grab me and carry me back to where I was “supposed” to be. Other times, he would push me in front of him, leading me to where...
    monsterwithinme monsterwithinme 18-21, F 6 Responses Feb 7, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The worst part isn't the panic attacks,

    the PTSD, or the insomnia. The worst part isn't my complete lack of sexual desire or my fear of intimacy. The worst part isn't knowing that if it hadn't happened I would be a completely different person. The worst part is wanting to tell people that are close to me but not being...
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 5, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dark

    It all so dark. My room and my walls. My heart is pounding. It's beating is a noise. I'm still. Like a corpse. But my eyes are opened. And I'm seeing the dark. I can see through the dark. Feeling it all around me, covering me. Like a black ink. Comforting me. It's like a cover, a...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This Is What I Feel When I'm Reminded Of It.

    Those white butterflies pretty and white dancing in the valley colorful and bright. Yes, those white butterflies tried escape but caught wings pinned, wings torn. Yes, those white butterflies turning grey and pale motionless and calm wide open eyes but see only the dark. Those...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Dad

    He was a horrible man.. He used to hit me and call me names when I was younger. I tried to not let it bother me, But one night he took it way too far.. He and his 2 friends came home all ****** up on heroin and alcohol. They came into my room and woke me up. Then continued to...
    MarissaMoon MarissaMoon 16-17, F 2 Responses Oct 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was abused from the ages of 4-6.

    Pretty much everything under the sun, including child *********** and child grooming. Rape, etc.
    Punchinginadream Punchinginadream 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Feeling Uncertain

    I've been through a lot of abuse in my life...verbal,physical, emotional,sexual..i don't really talk about it. I'm afraid if i do the people will look at me differently. I'm always smiling and staying positive and strong to help others..i'm so scared that if i tell people the...
    somethingspecial1 somethingspecial1 22-25, F 8 Responses Aug 24, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Life In Pretence

    I don't like talking about it. For the most part of my life, I pretended it was all a dream, a nightmare, something so hazy that it fades in the background and pretend it didn't happen to me. But I couldn't carry on pretending any longer. Not when I try to have a serious...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 20 Responses Oct 7, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Have Survived

    I have survived but i don't know at what price. I don't know where the experience ends and I start. All i know is that it influences everything i feel, do, experience. I try to leave it behind but i still carry it with me and maybe always will. It is so much to carry it all...
    pinkpandaboi pinkpandaboi 18-21, M 5 Responses Nov 12, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It Only Happened The Once!!!!

    I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A place with trees, and old gravel extraction pit, it was an escape from the the work we had to do when i was a child., parents worked the land and needed my help, I had no choice, that I was not supposed to be in, it was all fenced...
    KnobbyKnees KnobbyKnees 46-50, M 11 Responses Jan 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Surviving Evil-my Story Of Molestation And Moving On.

    I was 10. Mom had met yet another guy. I didn't thik he'd last, they rarely did. I was wrong. He treated my mom like i thought she deserved to be treated at that time in my life. I wanted my mom happy, and he made her happy. He treated me well to which just made things even...
    SSRaye05 SSRaye05 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 3, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just writing that title fills me with

    trepidation! Does anyone else have difficulty just talking about what happened? It is very difficult to find the courage to talk about it because I was threatened for so many years what would happen if I ever revealed the truth. Why did I believe their threats? And now that...
    brokenat5 brokenat5 61-65, M 1 Response Dec 30, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'll Do Anything To Forget It.

    I'll do anything to forget the memories and feelings. Ive tried everything. Every bloody thing. I read that only way to get over it is to keep talking about it. I read that the more we talk, the more it loses its impact from our lives. So I started typing and talking about it...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel
    beetlejuice1 beetlejuice1 36-40, M 2 Responses Dec 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When I was younger I was molested by my brother

    in law. My mother and sister know but they don't believe it. Every time I look at his face I get sick. We talked about what happend and he always says he was sorry. He wish he never did it. I forgave him but I'll never forget. It messed me up.
    babykaykez19 babykaykez19 18-21, F 4 Responses Nov 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Self-Delusion

    Today, I had a long conversation with a new EP member who contacted me because she saw that I belonged to a group for those who had been sexually exploited as children. I don’t know why, but I ended up telling her more of my story than I had ever told anyone before. Others have...
    Rutterman Rutterman 36-40, M 10 Responses Oct 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Was "abused". I Don't Know How I Feel. I Know I Don't Feel Human. But Someday I Will.

    For the longest time I thought I had imagined it. I honestly thought it was a product of my feverish imagination but then again... Why would anyone IMAGINE THAT?? I was sexually taken advantage of as a child. I cannot honestly say I was abused or that I Feel abused because it did...
    Janewise13 Janewise13 18-21 11 Responses Nov 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was sexually abused

    for several years when I was a child. My psychological problems followed me for many years . Because I did allow it to happen even though I understood it was very wrong. But mainly because he manipulated me and what he did to me started to feel very nice and because of that I...
    EmmaHansson EmmaHansson 46-50, F 5 Responses Nov 2, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My step brother raped me

    as a child. I just finally told my dad about two years ago. My mom always knew and never did anything about it. My grandmother who is dead asked if I was lying. Holidays are tough I have a niece from my brother and she is the best thing ever. But hearing my mom talk about him...
    hellokittysr hellokittysr 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    7 years today it all ended he was finally caught

    and I was finally free, only to discover I am not free I have lasting damage both mentally and physically
    vanivoo vanivoo 16-17, F 1 Response Aug 12, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I still remember an elder person in ma

    neighborhood using me for sexual pleasure. He used to keep ma hands on his d**k and made me jerk it.. I guess I was 4 or so at that time. I don't really understand what pleasure he might have derived from that. As a kid I was not interested for sure and even now being straight I...
    a090109 a090109 18-21, M Jan 4

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Woke up in the night

    and heard a noise.... I thought it was him coming back. Now the light is on and I'm terrified to sleep...again :/
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F Oct 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I feel like I have more problems

    now that I've admitted to myself I've been abused, than when I was actually being abused. I'm in therapy but it's been a year already. I've made progress but when does things start to get better?
    wanderinggrl wanderinggrl 26-30, T 2 Res