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I Am a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,858 People

    it happened and i cant change it

    but i refuse to let it define who i am as a person
    daniellefeather28 daniellefeather28 26-30, F 1 Response Jan 8, 2014

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    This story is my own,

    I’m not telling it to get pity but cause it helps to talk about it and I know it can help others in the same situation or who have been there…. This is not a fun story, some may find it hard some may find it hard… some can relate.. When I was born, I already had a big...
    ChantouKimmy ChantouKimmy 41-45, F 12 Responses Jan 16

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    I was sexually abused

    for several years when I was a child. My psychological problems followed me for many years . Because I did allow it to happen even though I understood it was very wrong. But mainly because he manipulated me and what he did to me started to feel very nice and because of that I...
    Emmajulia Emmajulia 46-50, F 8 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    I always watched baby Einstein on my brothers

    computer, he was the only one who had a disk drive. I loved watching it, i was 3 at the time, about to turn 4. One night, he asked me if I wanted a doughnut, me being a child, i agreed. (Keep this in mind, my brother was 12). He made me suck his thing..., This didn't last long...
    Lexish Lexish 13-15, F 3 Responses Jul 6

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    My uncle has just recently died.

    That's why I am sharing my experience now. I feel such relief and joy at his death but of course I could never verbalise this. You're supposed to be sad when someone dies... Right?!? It started when I was 4 and my mother and I went to visit my uncle and his partner. They told...
    Pattycake1234 Pattycake1234 26-30, F 4 Responses Jul 25

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    This Is What I Feel When I'm Reminded Of It.

    Those white butterflies pretty and white dancing in the valley colorful and bright. Yes, those white butterflies tried escape but caught wings pinned, wings torn. Yes, those white butterflies turning grey and pale motionless and calm wide open eyes but see only the dark. Those...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 15, 2012

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    CULT SURVIVOR I grew up in a evangelical

    fundamentalist group that was ran by my "Family". I escaped child abuse, neglect and the rise of a religious cult. I am finally willing to share my story. The more it gets out there- The safer I am. PLEASE HELP.
    DestinyChangesC DestinyChangesC 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 9

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    I was molested by my father

    and i kept it hidden for a year. I constantly blame myself especially if he could end up in jail. I am scared of what will come of the investigation
    savigirl14 savigirl14 16-17, F 6 Responses Aug 9, 2014

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    Touch Of Healing

    :: Dedicated to my Angel :: Many survivors are not so lucky to get the "priceless" feeling, what I call 'Touch of healing', but I was lucky enough to experience it a few times. He was the only person whom I told the whole 'story'. I don't know what made me speak in front of him...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 1, 2013

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    Does anyone else in this group suffer from

    major health anxiety now as a result from our traumatic pasts?? Like worry that you are sick or going to die? I feel like it's because after all of the years of hurting now I just want to be happy and if I were to die my whole life would have just been hurting.
    Happybri123 Happybri123 18-21, F Mar 28

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    trying to figure out

    if I was sexually abused as a child. I can't remember but things have been coming back to me recently and wondering if that's why I have not been able to have normal sexual relations with people that I have dated and liked. I never thought about it before but it seems to be...
    roks94 roks94 18-21, M 1 Response Apr 7

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    beetlejuice1 beetlejuice1 36-40, M 2 Responses Dec 28, 2014

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    I was sexually abused on a daily basis by my

    stepfather from the ages 7-12. I'm now 23. There is so much that has happened in between that I don't know how to begin to write. Some days are better then others. Although it's always there, bubbling beneath the surface. It's hard to explain, but it's just sadness. Absolute...
    asha1991 asha1991 22-25, F 8 Responses May 6, 2014

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    I'm having a horrible day.

    So much was/is triggering me today. I was just wondering if anyone out there can please talk to me...
    CRPSsurviving CRPSsurviving 26-30, F 3 Responses Jul 6

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    I'll Do Anything To Forget It.

    I'll do anything to forget the memories and feelings. Ive tried everything. Every bloody thing. I read that only way to get over it is to keep talking about it. I read that the more we talk, the more it loses its impact from our lives. So I started typing and talking about it...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 10, 2013

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    My Life In Pretence

    I don't like talking about it. For the most part of my life, I pretended it was all a dream, a nightmare, something so hazy that it fades in the background and pretend it didn't happen to me. But I couldn't carry on pretending any longer. Not when I try to have a serious...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 20 Responses Oct 7, 2010

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    It Only Happened The Once!!!!

    I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A place with trees, and old gravel extraction pit, it was an escape from the the work we had to do when i was a child., parents worked the land and needed my help, I had no choice, that I was not supposed to be in, it was all fenced...
    KnobbyKnees KnobbyKnees 46-50, M 11 Responses Jan 2, 2011

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    Does anyone still feel a certain amount of

    guilt attached to the abuse?? yes now am older and know better but a part of me is still loyal to him and would do what he wanted me to do I hate the way my mind thinks it creeps me out even today.
    00Broken00 00Broken00 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 12

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    My Dad

    He was a horrible man.. He used to hit me and call me names when I was younger. I tried to not let it bother me, But one night he took it way too far.. He and his 2 friends came home all ****** up on heroin and alcohol. They came into my room and woke me up. Then continued to...
    MarissaMoon MarissaMoon 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 6, 2013

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    Dark

    It all so dark. My room and my walls. My heart is pounding. It's beating is a noise. I'm still. Like a corpse. But my eyes are opened. And I'm seeing the dark. I can see through the dark. Feeling it all around me, covering me. Like a black ink. Comforting me. It's like a cover, a...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

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    I still remember an elder person in ma

    neighborhood using me for sexual pleasure. He used to keep ma hands on his d**k and made me jerk it.. I guess I was 4 or so at that time. I don't really understand what pleasure he might have derived from that. As a kid I was not interested for sure and even now being straight I...
    a090109 a090109 18-21, M Jan 4

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    Hello I want to share my experience with the

    net. When I was 10 and my brother was 3 We were having fun. No clue about what sex is. We played with games with eachother... Then one day i told him: Suck my penis and I will suck you back. So he did it. Afther a while we did it almost everyday. Afther a while he said : No I...
    iloveleagueoflegends iloveleagueoflegends 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 25

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    I'm talking to the police about my brother

    who sexually abused me for years as a child. My family are furious and can't understand why I'm doing this. I am starting to feel guilty and that I don't have a right to seek justice. Supportive comments required!
    Bluetemple Bluetemple 26-30, F 4 Responses Aug 6

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    There is this flashback I keep having,

    I know I need to talk about it but everytime i try i freeze and feel like I'm suffocating. I don't know what to do..
    SkinnImIn SkinnImIn 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 7

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    Truth is, I just really want to put a *******

    bullet in my head. I don't care about world peace. I don't care about feeding the needy. I don't care about global warming. I just want to die. Maybe I'm a terrible *******. Maybe I don't have a soul. If I'm certain about anything it's that I don't belong here. My life never...
    Ashclo Ashclo 26-30, F 4 Responses Mar 22

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    My babysitters husband

    and son use to molest me and my younger sister. I want to die every time I think of what they did to my sister. I was in the third grade and she was in the first grade... I was 9 she was 6... I feel disgusting. I never opened my stupid mouth to no one about this till a few years...
    PandaLoves PandaLoves 26-30, F 1 Response May 18

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    I Don't Know Whats Worse..

    I don't know whats worse...remembering or not remembering. I kept these secrets locked away in my mind for to long and now  they've returned to me in bits and pieces. With flashes of hands and heavy breaths. With words of a father saying "this is how daddy's show their love" and...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 8 Responses Dec 19, 2011

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    My step brother raped me

    as a child. I just finally told my dad about two years ago. My mom always knew and never did anything about it. My grandmother who is dead asked if I was lying. Holidays are tough I have a niece from my brother and she is the best thing ever. But hearing my mom talk about him...
    hellokittysr hellokittysr 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 3

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    Self-Delusion

    Today, I had a long conversation with a new EP member who contacted me because she saw that I belonged to a group for those who had been sexually exploited as children. I don’t know why, but I ended up telling her more of my story than I had ever told anyone before. Others have...
    Rutterman Rutterman 36-40, M 9 Responses Oct 27, 2013

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    I am too. I went through years of therapy

    and I can confidently say that I am ok but, not a day goes by that I don't think about it. I want to share my experience with others in hopes of helping them deal with the PTSD they are most likely suffering from. It can be a very dark, lonely and terrifying place to be in. I...
    Italy4me Italy4me 46-50 Aug 3

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    I Was "abused". I Don't Know How I Feel. I Know I Don't Feel Human. But Someday I Will.

    For the longest time I thought I had imagined it. I honestly thought it was a product of my feverish imagination but then again... Why would anyone IMAGINE THAT?? I was sexually taken advantage of as a child. I cannot honestly say I was abused or that I Feel abused because it did...
    Janewise13 Janewise13 18-21 11 Responses Nov 5, 2011

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    I don't know if I am a survivor.

    ..Yes I have a heartbeat, but am I really alive?? My first abuser was my father. He then created a ring of people. I don't know how I survived physically. Mentally, they broke me. I got free when I was 22. I don't know how to live in this world. I don't know what the rules are. I...
    CRPSsurviving CRPSsurviving 26-30, F 2 Responses Jul 3

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    I'm at a time where I wish I had never told

    anyone. I was abused between age 5-7 by my babysitter. He was at least 40 years older then me. I didn't tell anyone until I was 13. I don't remember much from suppressing my memory but that doesn't stop the flashbacks. I now have major depression, pcos, PTSD, sleep apnea and...
    Chinoi6 Chinoi6 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 20, 2014

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    When i was about 3, my sister came to get me

    and told me that Sandy, an Indian man who lived with us, almost constantly since birth, until my parents separated in year 10, when i was about 13, wanted to show us something. She told me he had said to wait in the bathroom, and then when he was ready told us to close our eyes...
    PixieGrin108 PixieGrin108 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 2

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    Chrissy Grass between my toes

    and sun shining on my dark head, I was at peace. I loved and lived in the moment. I had no understanding of the past or the future. I only knew of the now. The now being outside playing with stray cats. Swimming in the kiddy pool bought from the dollar store. Having the chance...
    Punchinginadream Punchinginadream 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 27, 2014

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    I had been sexually abused by my father.

    Is there anyone just like me here??
    JerryJerryA JerryJerryA 31-35, F 2 Responses Feb 14

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    Surviving Evil-my Story Of Molestation And Moving On.

    I was 10. Mom had met yet another guy. I didn't thik he'd last, they rarely did. I was wrong. He treated my mom like i thought she deserved to be treated at that time in my life. I wanted my mom happy, and he made her happy. He treated me well to which just made things even...
    SSRaye05 SSRaye05 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 3, 2013

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    "That my body is all

    that I am", how well I know the feeling. I just read about another woman that was sexually abused growing up and the quote is from her story. Reading it made me want to stand up among you and share some of my feelings and experience. I was molested and prostituted from a very...
    CaningCaregiver CaningCaregiver 31-35, F 6 Responses May 4

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    Survivor Huh? Yeah...but Maybe Thts Not The Right Term.

    I hate bastards who abuse children!! Every time I read about something like that, I get a lot of mixed feelings, some of them twisted raging anger, and relief because I am not alone, a sense of belonging or something...relating to someone...but its all bitterness, scared fear, I...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 9, 2010

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    I was about 3 1/2 when it first started.

    My mom had divorced my real dad and was dating my aunt husbands brother. I never knew this this years later when they split up and a chance meeting with my real dad happened in a McDonald's. I thought that piece of crap was my real dad. Neither were worth much of anything. His...
    bobroberts123 bobroberts123 66-70, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I have been molested 3 times in my life.

    The first was by my uncle which I don't remember too well because I was so young. The second time was by a neighbor and I was only in fifth grade so everything was very confusing. The third time was the most recent I I just turned 16 because I was 16 the man is not punished to...
    AlaskaJo AlaskaJo 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 20

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    I still think about it sometimes -

    and although I do, it doesn't mean I am not over it. I survived. It stayed with me but I survived. :)
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 16-17, F 1 Response Jun 28, 2014

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    I Get It

    I was sexually abused by my uncle when I was around 3-4 years old. He liked to take out his penis, lay me on top of him and kiss me hard on the mouth. One time I remember waking up and he was performing oral sex on me. I can also remember him tricking me into performing oral...
    Italy4me Italy4me 46-50 1 Response Oct 17, 2013

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    The insensitivity of others.

    I was at a meeting today for business. One of the presenters gave a very good presentation on childhood trauma and the effects. I found it personally and professionally informative. I really do try my best at meetings or training to get something out of it. This is a new job...
    hischelsea hischelsea 46-50, F 3 Responses Apr 10, 2014

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    Am I a survivor I don't know I don't feel like

    one well I am living but that doesn't mean I am alive
    innocentsoul innocentsoul 18-21 3 Responses Jul 2

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    when I was 5, I was abused by a female neighbor.

    .. it affects me to this day, I remember me refusing to do what she wanted, she beat me, threw me against a wall and told me I have no choice... she ruined my childhood
    willazrael