Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Am a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,800 People

    Does anyone else in this group suffer from

    major health anxiety now as a result from our traumatic pasts?? Like worry that you are sick or going to die? I feel like it's because after all of the years of hurting now I just want to be happy and if I were to die my whole life would have just been hurting.
    Happybri123 Happybri123 18-21, F Mar 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It Only Happened The Once!!!!

    I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A place with trees, and old gravel extraction pit, it was an escape from the the work we had to do when i was a child., parents worked the land and needed my help, I had no choice, that I was not supposed to be in, it was all fenced...
    KnobbyKnees KnobbyKnees 46-50, M 11 Responses Jan 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was sexually abused by my brother 7 years ago

    and never told anybody. I need help because I don't know what to do. I'm in college. He's three years older than me and still lives at home so I have to see him once a month and I hate him for this.
    Elizabeth180 Elizabeth180 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    May Trigger

    He held me down. Forced me onto the bed, couch, floor, wherever he wanted me to be. If I ran from him, he would catch me. Sometimes, he would just grab me and carry me back to where I was “supposed” to be. Other times, he would push me in front of him, leading me to where...
    monsterwithinme monsterwithinme 18-21, F 6 Responses Feb 7, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This story is my own,

    I’m not telling it to get pity but cause it helps to talk about it and I know it can help others in the same situation or who have been there…. This is not a fun story, some may find it hard some may find it hard… some can relate.. When I was born, I already had a big...
    ChantouKimmy ChantouKimmy 41-45, F 10 Responses Jan 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Touch Of Healing

    :: Dedicated to my Angel :: Many survivors are not so lucky to get the "priceless" feeling, what I call 'Touch of healing', but I was lucky enough to experience it a few times. He was the only person whom I told the whole 'story'. I don't know what made me speak in front of him...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I hate how my past holds me back from things I

    want to do :/ it's haunting and terrifying
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F Oct 15, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Does anyone still feel a certain amount of

    guilt attached to the abuse?? yes now am older and know better but a part of me is still loyal to him and would do what he wanted me to do I hate the way my mind thinks it creeps me out even today.
    00Broken00 00Broken00 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Today is am abuser's birthday.

    This could possibly be the worst day of the year. Even after all he did to me, he still gets so much support and love from friends and family. I hate it so much. It's not fair that he gets to be all happy and supported and such...but here I am, still cutting, struggling with an...
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am triggered every time someone tells a man

    that having been sexually abused by a woman is something to be proud of, happy about, etc. Abuse is abuse, not a rite of passage. We need to change this collective mindset and protect the innocence of our youth! http://throughtheireyescac.com/2015/05/06/male-sexual-abuse-by-a...
    lovevolves8 lovevolves8 36-40, F 4 Responses May 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    There is this flashback I keep having,

    I know I need to talk about it but everytime i try i freeze and feel like I'm suffocating. I don't know what to do..
    SkinnImIn SkinnImIn 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I still think about it sometimes -

    and although I do, it doesn't mean I am not over it. I survived. It stayed with me but I survived. :)
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 16-17, F 1 Response Jun 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Was "abused". I Don't Know How I Feel. I Know I Don't Feel Human. But Someday I Will.

    For the longest time I thought I had imagined it. I honestly thought it was a product of my feverish imagination but then again... Why would anyone IMAGINE THAT?? I was sexually taken advantage of as a child. I cannot honestly say I was abused or that I Feel abused because it did...
    Janewise13 Janewise13 18-21 11 Responses Nov 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I had been sexually abused by my father.

    Is there anyone just like me here??
    JerryJerryA JerryJerryA 31-35, F 2 Responses Feb 14

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The insensitivity of others.

    I was at a meeting today for business. One of the presenters gave a very good presentation on childhood trauma and the effects. I found it personally and professionally informative. I really do try my best at meetings or training to get something out of it. This is a new job...
    hischelsea hischelsea 46-50, F 3 Responses Apr 10, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Get It

    I was sexually abused by my uncle when I was around 3-4 years old. He liked to take out his penis, lay me on top of him and kiss me hard on the mouth. One time I remember waking up and he was performing oral sex on me. I can also remember him tricking me into performing oral...
    Italy4me Italy4me 46-50 1 Response Oct 17, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When I was younger I was molested by my brother

    in law. My mother and sister know but they don't believe it. Every time I look at his face I get sick. We talked about what happend and he always says he was sorry. He wish he never did it. I forgave him but I'll never forget. It messed me up.
    babykaykez19 babykaykez19 18-21, F 4 Responses Nov 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was abused from the ages of 4-6.

    Pretty much everything under the sun, including child *********** and child grooming. Rape, etc.
    Punchinginadream Punchinginadream 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Feeling Uncertain

    I've been through a lot of abuse in my life...verbal,physical, emotional,sexual..i don't really talk about it. I'm afraid if i do the people will look at me differently. I'm always smiling and staying positive and strong to help others..i'm so scared that if i tell people the...
    somethingspecial1 somethingspecial1 22-25, F 8 Responses Aug 24, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My step brother raped me

    as a child. I just finally told my dad about two years ago. My mom always knew and never did anything about it. My grandmother who is dead asked if I was lying. Holidays are tough I have a niece from my brother and she is the best thing ever. But hearing my mom talk about him...
    hellokittysr hellokittysr 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Don't Know Whats Worse..

    I don't know whats worse...remembering or not remembering. I kept these secrets locked away in my mind for to long and now  they've returned to me in bits and pieces. With flashes of hands and heavy breaths. With words of a father saying "this is how daddy's show their love" and...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 7 Responses Dec 19, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    it happened and i cant change it

    but i refuse to let it define who i am as a person
    daniellefeather28 daniellefeather28 26-30, F 2 Responses Jan 8, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was abused by my father

    as a child. We were Jehovahs Witnesses at the time and I told a family friend what was happening. He went and told the elders of the congregation who told him to keep his mouth shut and not to let it get out. Unfortunately he listened to them. Has anyone else experienced this...
    meemaw2011 meemaw2011 41-45, F 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel
    beetlejuice1 beetlejuice1 36-40, M 2 Responses Dec 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Whatever You Do, Don't Tell Anyone--you'll Ruin His Family...

    Those were the words my parents used to help me "deal" with Mr. Klomen, the Head of the Upper School, who after weeks of inappropriate touching, finally went to the next level destroying the trust and admiration I felt for him, crossing all boundaries and throwing me into a...
    light62 light62 46-50, F 5 Responses Oct 24, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Life In Pretence

    I don't like talking about it. For the most part of my life, I pretended it was all a dream, a nightmare, something so hazy that it fades in the background and pretend it didn't happen to me. But I couldn't carry on pretending any longer. Not when I try to have a serious...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 20 Responses Oct 7, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Operation Be A Kid Again

    Operation Be A Kid Again( from my blog www.diaryofabrokenchild.blogspot.com) This is my list of things I never got to do as a kid, got to do but want to do again or just things I wanna try as an adult that have nothing to do with childhood. This list could be call Operation...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 2, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I still remember an elder person in ma

    neighborhood using me for sexual pleasure. He used to keep ma hands on his d**k and made me jerk it.. I guess I was 4 or so at that time. I don't really understand what pleasure he might have derived from that. As a kid I was not interested for sure and even now being straight I...
    a090109 a090109 18-21, M Jan 4

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'll Do Anything To Forget It.

    I'll do anything to forget the memories and feelings. Ive tried everything. Every bloody thing. I read that only way to get over it is to keep talking about it. I read that the more we talk, the more it loses its impact from our lives. So I started typing and talking about it...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Dad

    He was a horrible man.. He used to hit me and call me names when I was younger. I tried to not let it bother me, But one night he took it way too far.. He and his 2 friends came home all ****** up on heroin and alcohol. They came into my room and woke me up. Then continued to...
    MarissaMoon MarissaMoon 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was molested by my father

    and i kept it hidden for a year. I constantly blame myself especially if he could end up in jail. I am scared of what will come of the investigation
    savigirl14 savigirl14 16-17, F 6 Responses Aug 9, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Woke up in the night

    and heard a noise.... I thought it was him coming back. Now the light is on and I'm terrified to sleep...again :/
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F Oct 20, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was sexually abused on a daily basis by my

    stepfather from the ages 7-12. I'm now 23. There is so much that has happened in between that I don't know how to begin to write. Some days are better then others. Although it's always there, bubbling beneath the surface. It's hard to explain, but it's just sadness. Absolute...
    asha1991 asha1991 22-25, F 8 Responses May 6, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dark

    It all so dark. My room and my walls. My heart is pounding. It's beating is a noise. I'm still. Like a corpse. But my eyes are opened. And I'm seeing the dark. I can see through the dark. Feeling it all around me, covering me. Like a black ink. Comforting me. It's like a cover, a...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Chrissy Grass between my toes

    and sun shining on my dark head, I was at peace. I loved and lived in the moment. I had no understanding of the past or the future. I only knew of the now. The now being outside playing with stray cats. Swimming in the kiddy pool bought from the dollar store. Having the chance...
    Punchinginadream Punchinginadream 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 27, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    That stuff kills us. I hope everyone reading

    realizes how much it hurts and traumatizes us. It's not that "sex isn't a big deal" because for some it is and for some it isn't. However, it's that lack of control - of knowing what happened to you isn't your choice, and of knowing that someone you love and trust can place your...
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 16-17, F 7 Responses Dec 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes I wonder what other people dream

    about. I used to dream about going to live in the clouds with the angels. Looking down at the world as I fly through the sky. Leaving everything and anyone who ever hurt me behind. Forgetting every mistake I ever made. Losing myself in nothingness. Now, all I see is reality...
    Ashclo Ashclo 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 19, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This Is What I Feel When I'm Reminded Of It.

    Those white butterflies pretty and white dancing in the valley colorful and bright. Yes, those white butterflies tried escape but caught wings pinned, wings torn. Yes, those white butterflies turning grey and pale motionless and calm wide open eyes but see only the dark. Those...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Have Survived

    I have survived but i don't know at what price. I don't know where the experience ends and I start. All i know is that it influences everything i feel, do, experience. I try to leave it behind but i still carry it with me and maybe always will. It is so much to carry it all...
    pinkpandaboi pinkpandaboi 18-21, M 5 Responses Nov 12, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The abuse started when I was

    so young, three maybe four. I stopped it when I was 12 and things became really bad, he never touched me again but began mentally abusing and controlling me. It took me a while but I realised he was the weak one. I stopped him and was no longer the victim.
    lsdcn lsdcn 46-50, F Jun 13, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have been molested 3 times in my life.

    The first was by my uncle which I don't remember too well because I was so young. The second time was by a neighbor and I was only in fifth grade so everything was very confusing. The third time was the most recent I I just turned 16 because I was 16 the man is not punished to...
    AlaskaJo AlaskaJo 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 20

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Jennablonde Jennablonde 18-21, F 11 Responses Jun 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was sexually abused by someone i still see

    every day. It affected my life greatly, and I still have flashbacks of it. It happened for a while before she was caught. And in my own home. I tell everyone that I dont remember it, but I do. Vividly.
    mugzib mugzib 16-17, F Nov 3, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "That my body is all

    that I am", how well I know the feeling. I just read about another woman that was sexually abused growing up and the quote is from her story. Reading it made me want to stand up among you and share some of my feelings and experience. I was molested and prostituted from a very...
    CaningCaregiver CaningCaregiver 26-30, F 4 Responses May 4

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Truth is, I just really want to put a *******

    bullet in my head. I don't care about world peace. I don't care about feeding the needy. I don't care about global warming. I just want to die. Maybe I'm a terrible *******. Maybe I don't have a soul. If I'm certain about anything it's that I don't belong here. My life never...
    Ashclo Ashclo 22-25, F 5 Responses Mar 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Self-Delusion

    Today, I had a long conversation with a new EP member who contacted me because she saw that I belonged to a group for those who had been sexually exploited as children. I don’t know why, but I ended up telling her more of my story than I had ever told anyone before. Others have...
    Rutterman Rutterman 36-40, M 10 Responses Oct 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel