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I Am a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,834 People

    beetlejuice1 beetlejuice1 36-40, M 2 Responses Dec 28, 2014

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    Truth is, I just really want to put a *******

    bullet in my head. I don't care about world peace. I don't care about feeding the needy. I don't care about global warming. I just want to die. Maybe I'm a terrible *******. Maybe I don't have a soul. If I'm certain about anything it's that I don't belong here. My life never...
    Ashclo Ashclo 26-30, F 5 Responses Mar 22

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    I Don't Know Whats Worse..

    I don't know whats worse...remembering or not remembering. I kept these secrets locked away in my mind for to long and now  they've returned to me in bits and pieces. With flashes of hands and heavy breaths. With words of a father saying "this is how daddy's show their love" and...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 8 Responses Dec 19, 2011

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    I've posted on here before,

    but now I just recently got new information. My rapist is my half brother, who before I had a mental breakdown I still talked too. He was engaged to a girl and had my niece. Now I haven't spoken to him in over two years and find out this weekend he got some other new lady...
    hellokittysr hellokittysr 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 19

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    I had been sexually abused by my father.

    Is there anyone just like me here??
    JerryJerryA JerryJerryA 31-35, F 2 Responses Feb 14

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    That stuff kills us. I hope everyone reading

    realizes how much it hurts and traumatizes us. It's not that "sex isn't a big deal" because for some it is and for some it isn't. However, it's that lack of control - of knowing what happened to you isn't your choice, and of knowing that someone you love and trust can place your...
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 16-17, F 6 Responses Dec 31, 2013

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    I Was "abused". I Don't Know How I Feel. I Know I Don't Feel Human. But Someday I Will.

    For the longest time I thought I had imagined it. I honestly thought it was a product of my feverish imagination but then again... Why would anyone IMAGINE THAT?? I was sexually taken advantage of as a child. I cannot honestly say I was abused or that I Feel abused because it did...
    Janewise13 Janewise13 18-21 11 Responses Nov 5, 2011

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    May Trigger

    He held me down. Forced me onto the bed, couch, floor, wherever he wanted me to be. If I ran from him, he would catch me. Sometimes, he would just grab me and carry me back to where I was “supposed” to be. Other times, he would push me in front of him, leading me to where...
    monsterwithinme monsterwithinme 18-21, F 6 Responses Feb 7, 2013

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    I have been molested 3 times in my life.

    The first was by my uncle which I don't remember too well because I was so young. The second time was by a neighbor and I was only in fifth grade so everything was very confusing. The third time was the most recent I I just turned 16 because I was 16 the man is not punished to...
    AlaskaJo AlaskaJo 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 20

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    When I was younger I was molested by my brother

    in law. My mother and sister know but they don't believe it. Every time I look at his face I get sick. We talked about what happend and he always says he was sorry. He wish he never did it. I forgave him but I'll never forget. It messed me up.
    babykaykez19 babykaykez19 18-21, F 4 Responses Nov 20, 2014

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    Dark

    It all so dark. My room and my walls. My heart is pounding. It's beating is a noise. I'm still. Like a corpse. But my eyes are opened. And I'm seeing the dark. I can see through the dark. Feeling it all around me, covering me. Like a black ink. Comforting me. It's like a cover, a...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

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    Jennablonde Jennablonde 18-21, F 11 Responses Jun 7

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    Feeling Uncertain

    I've been through a lot of abuse in my life...verbal,physical, emotional,sexual..i don't really talk about it. I'm afraid if i do the people will look at me differently. I'm always smiling and staying positive and strong to help others..i'm so scared that if i tell people the...
    somethingspecial1 somethingspecial1 22-25, F 8 Responses Aug 24, 2012

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    Survivor Huh? Yeah...but Maybe Thts Not The Right Term.

    I hate bastards who abuse children!! Every time I read about something like that, I get a lot of mixed feelings, some of them twisted raging anger, and relief because I am not alone, a sense of belonging or something...relating to someone...but its all bitterness, scared fear, I...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 9, 2010

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    It Only Happened The Once!!!!

    I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A place with trees, and old gravel extraction pit, it was an escape from the the work we had to do when i was a child., parents worked the land and needed my help, I had no choice, that I was not supposed to be in, it was all fenced...
    KnobbyKnees KnobbyKnees 46-50, M 11 Responses Jan 2, 2011

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    My Life In Pretence

    I don't like talking about it. For the most part of my life, I pretended it was all a dream, a nightmare, something so hazy that it fades in the background and pretend it didn't happen to me. But I couldn't carry on pretending any longer. Not when I try to have a serious...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 20 Responses Oct 7, 2010

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    trying to figure out

    if I was sexually abused as a child. I can't remember but things have been coming back to me recently and wondering if that's why I have not been able to have normal sexual relations with people that I have dated and liked. I never thought about it before but it seems to be...
    roks94 roks94 18-21, M 1 Response Apr 7

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    My Dad

    He was a horrible man.. He used to hit me and call me names when I was younger. I tried to not let it bother me, But one night he took it way too far.. He and his 2 friends came home all ****** up on heroin and alcohol. They came into my room and woke me up. Then continued to...
    MarissaMoon MarissaMoon 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 6, 2013

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    Operation Be A Kid Again

    Operation Be A Kid Again( from my blog www.diaryofabrokenchild.blogspot.com) This is my list of things I never got to do as a kid, got to do but want to do again or just things I wanna try as an adult that have nothing to do with childhood. This list could be call Operation...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 2, 2013

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    Am I a survivor I don't know I don't feel like

    one well I am living but that doesn't mean I am alive
    innocentsoul innocentsoul 18-21 3 Responses Jul 2

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    A Little Start

    I lay sleeping, until my bedroom door is ajar. I see his shadow through the hall way light. My heart starts pounding, How long do i have? Should I make a run for it, or lay silent and be still, I'm only a child, not more than eight, I close my eyes with the first tear, And pray...
    Estel1980 Estel1980 26-30 2 Responses Aug 25, 2012

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    This Is What I Feel When I'm Reminded Of It.

    Those white butterflies pretty and white dancing in the valley colorful and bright. Yes, those white butterflies tried escape but caught wings pinned, wings torn. Yes, those white butterflies turning grey and pale motionless and calm wide open eyes but see only the dark. Those...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 15, 2012

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    I was abused from the ages of 4-6.

    Pretty much everything under the sun, including child *********** and child grooming. Rape, etc.
    Punchinginadream Punchinginadream 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    CULT SURVIVOR I grew up in a evangelical

    fundamentalist group that was ran by my "Family". I escaped child abuse, neglect and the rise of a religious cult. I am finally willing to share my story. The more it gets out there- The safer I am. PLEASE HELP.
    DestinyChangesC DestinyChangesC 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 9

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    The insensitivity of others.

    I was at a meeting today for business. One of the presenters gave a very good presentation on childhood trauma and the effects. I found it personally and professionally informative. I really do try my best at meetings or training to get something out of it. This is a new job...
    hischelsea hischelsea 46-50, F 3 Responses Apr 10, 2014

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    Whatever You Do, Don't Tell Anyone--you'll Ruin His Family...

    Those were the words my parents used to help me "deal" with Mr. Klomen, the Head of the Upper School, who after weeks of inappropriate touching, finally went to the next level destroying the trust and admiration I felt for him, crossing all boundaries and throwing me into a...
    light62 light62 46-50, F 5 Responses Oct 24, 2012

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    I was molested by my father

    and i kept it hidden for a year. I constantly blame myself especially if he could end up in jail. I am scared of what will come of the investigation
    savigirl14 savigirl14 16-17, F 6 Responses Aug 9, 2014

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    when I was 5, I was abused by a female neighbor.

    .. it affects me to this day, I remember me refusing to do what she wanted, she beat me, threw me against a wall and told me I have no choice... she ruined my childhood
    willazrael willazrael 18-21, M 1 Response Jun 9

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    Self-Delusion

    Today, I had a long conversation with a new EP member who contacted me because she saw that I belonged to a group for those who had been sexually exploited as children. I don’t know why, but I ended up telling her more of my story than I had ever told anyone before. Others have...
    Rutterman Rutterman 36-40, M 10 Responses Oct 27, 2013

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    I'll Do Anything To Forget It.

    I'll do anything to forget the memories and feelings. Ive tried everything. Every bloody thing. I read that only way to get over it is to keep talking about it. I read that the more we talk, the more it loses its impact from our lives. So I started typing and talking about it...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 10, 2013

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    I Get It

    I was sexually abused by my uncle when I was around 3-4 years old. He liked to take out his penis, lay me on top of him and kiss me hard on the mouth. One time I remember waking up and he was performing oral sex on me. I can also remember him tricking me into performing oral...
    Italy4me Italy4me 46-50 1 Response Oct 17, 2013

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    Does anyone else in this group suffer from

    major health anxiety now as a result from our traumatic pasts?? Like worry that you are sick or going to die? I feel like it's because after all of the years of hurting now I just want to be happy and if I were to die my whole life would have just been hurting.
    Happybri123 Happybri123 18-21, F Mar 28

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    I was sexually abused

    for several years when I was a child. My psychological problems followed me for many years . Because I did allow it to happen even though I understood it was very wrong. But mainly because he manipulated me and what he did to me started to feel very nice and because of that I...
    EmmaHansson EmmaHansson 46-50, F 6 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    I still think about it sometimes -

    and although I do, it doesn't mean I am not over it. I survived. It stayed with me but I survived. :)
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 16-17, F 1 Response Jun 28, 2014

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    I'm having a horrible day.

    So much was/is triggering me today. I was just wondering if anyone out there can please talk to me...
    CRPSsurviving CRPSsurviving 26-30, F 3 Responses Jul 6

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    My step brother raped me

    as a child. I just finally told my dad about two years ago. My mom always knew and never did anything about it. My grandmother who is dead asked if I was lying. Holidays are tough I have a niece from my brother and she is the best thing ever. But hearing my mom talk about him...
    hellokittysr hellokittysr 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 3

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    My uncle has just recently died.

    That's why I am sharing my experience now. I feel such relief and joy at his death but of course I could never verbalise this. You're supposed to be sad when someone dies... Right?!? It started when I was 4 and my mother and I went to visit my uncle and his partner. They told...
    Pattycake1234 Pattycake1234 26-30, F 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    Surviving Evil-my Story Of Molestation And Moving On.

    I was 10. Mom had met yet another guy. I didn't thik he'd last, they rarely did. I was wrong. He treated my mom like i thought she deserved to be treated at that time in my life. I wanted my mom happy, and he made her happy. He treated me well to which just made things even...
    SSRaye05 SSRaye05 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 3, 2013

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    I always watched baby Einstein on my brothers

    computer, he was the only one who had a disk drive. I loved watching it, i was 3 at the time, about to turn 4. One night, he asked me if I wanted a doughnut, me being a child, i agreed. (Keep this in mind, my brother was 12). He made me suck his thing..., This didn't last long...
    Lexish Lexish 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 6

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    I'm at a time where I wish I had never told

    anyone. I was abused between age 5-7 by my babysitter. He was at least 40 years older then me. I didn't tell anyone until I was 13. I don't remember much from suppressing my memory but that doesn't stop the flashbacks. I now have major depression, pcos, PTSD, sleep apnea and...
    Chinoi6 Chinoi6 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 20, 2014

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    "That my body is all

    that I am", how well I know the feeling. I just read about another woman that was sexually abused growing up and the quote is from her story. Reading it made me want to stand up among you and share some of my feelings and experience. I was molested and prostituted from a very...
    CaningCaregiver CaningCaregiver 31-35, F 5 Responses May 4

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    I am triggered every time someone tells a man

    that having been sexually abused by a woman is something to be proud of, happy about, etc. Abuse is abuse, not a rite of passage. We need to change this collective mindset and protect the innocence of our youth! http://throughtheireyescac.com/2015/05/06/male-sexual-abuse-by-a...
    lovevolves8 lovevolves8 41-45, F 4 Responses May 7

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    I was sexually abused on a daily basis by my

    stepfather from the ages 7-12. I'm now 23. There is so much that has happened in between that I don't know how to begin to write. Some days are better then others. Although it's always there, bubbling beneath the surface. It's hard to explain, but it's just sadness. Absolute...
    asha1991 asha1991 22-25, F 8 Responses May 6, 2014

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    I don't know if I am a survivor.

    ..Yes I have a heartbeat, but am I really alive?? My first abuser was my father. He then created a ring of people. I don't know how I survived physically. Mentally, they broke me. I got free when I was 22. I don't know how to live in this world. I don't know what the rules are. I...
    CRPSsurviving CRPSsurviving 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 3

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    I was 11... He was 18.

    I considered him as the best friend ever. His family was very close to mine. We visited each other often. I was too innocent to realise that all of his gifts and kisses were a warning of what was going to happen. It was during a night. I was alone. He was there. It...
    EarlPhantomhive EarlPhantomhive 18-21, F 6 Responses Oct 31, 2014

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    it happened and i cant change it

    but i refuse to let it define who i am as a person
    daniellefeather28 daniellefeather28 26-30, F 1 Response Jan 8, 2014

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