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I Am a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,441 People

    Survivor Huh? Yeah...but Maybe Thts Not The Right Term.

    I hate bastards who abuse children!! Every time I read about something like that, I get a lot of mixed feelings, some of them twisted raging anger, and relief because I am not alone, a sense of belonging or something...relating to someone...but its all bitterness, scared fear, I...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 5 Responses Nov 9, 2010

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    I think that most of the things I allow

    sexually had to do with me being sexually abuse when I was younger I need professional help
    Reynastaxx Reynastaxx 26-30, F 3 Responses Mar 24

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    I Have Survived

    I have survived but i don't know at what price. I don't know where the experience ends and I start. All i know is that it influences everything i feel, do, experience. I try to leave it behind but i still carry it with me and maybe always will. It is so much to carry it all...
    pinkpandaboi pinkpandaboi 18-21, M 5 Responses Nov 12, 2013

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    My Dad

    He was a horrible man.. He used to hit me and call me names when I was younger. I tried to not let it bother me, But one night he took it way too far.. He and his 2 friends came home all ****** up on heroin and alcohol. They came into my room and woke me up. Then continued to...
    MarissaMoon MarissaMoon 16-17, F 3 Responses Oct 6, 2013

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    It has been 3 days since I had my last flashback

    and 2 weeks since my last nightmare. Things might be getting better. My sister still doesn't want to help me to fix our relationship but I am slowly getting better without her help
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 8

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    The only "love" I've ever experienced was

    when he had his hands in my pants. I went out of my way to protect my sister and my mom. I thought I was doing the right thing.
    Wanderlust7 Wanderlust7 16-17, F 6 days ago

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    Whatever You Do, Don't Tell Anyone--you'll Ruin His Family...

    Those were the words my parents used to help me "deal" with Mr. Klomen, the Head of the Upper School, who after weeks of inappropriate touching, finally went to the next level destroying the trust and admiration I felt for him, crossing all boundaries and throwing me into a...
    light62 light62 46-50, F 5 Responses Oct 24, 2012

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    I Get It

    I was sexually abused by my uncle when I was around 3-4 years old. He liked to take out his penis, lay me on top of him and kiss me hard on the mouth. One time I remember waking up and he was performing oral sex on me. I can also remember him tricking me into performing oral...
    Italy4me Italy4me 41-45 1 Response Oct 17, 2013

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    I Was "abused". I Don't Know How I Feel. I Know I Don't Feel Human. But Someday I Will.

    For the longest time I thought I had imagined it. I honestly thought it was a product of my feverish imagination but then again... Why would anyone IMAGINE THAT?? I was sexually taken advantage of as a child. I cannot honestly say I was abused or that I Feel abused because it did...
    Janewise13 Janewise13 18-21 9 Responses Nov 5, 2011

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    Drugged And Raped. My Chilhood Story

    I posted this story in another group but it fits so well here to. This is my story: I have always been a very positive person, however i have always battled with depression, i never understood why, until now. Some weeks ago i remembered things that had been locked up for almost...
    magmariel magmariel 22-25 4 Responses May 11, 2012

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    Never thought I'd actually ever find someone I

    trust. I can be 3 seconds from walking off a bridge and he says the simplistic thing and I feel better. Unfortunately, it had to be a therapist, so he can't be my friend. Fortunately, I will probably need lifelong therapy ha
    Ashclo Ashclo 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 4

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    Ashamed

    I'll never forgive you for what you done to me, not only did you steal my virginity in an instant but you stole my self esteem, my confidence, my life...
    herebutinvisible herebutinvisible 16-17, F 5 Responses Oct 6, 2013

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    People always tell me I should write a book

    about what I have gone through in life. I sit back and wonder sometimes how I have managed to get through each situation. The one I am facing now always seems worse than the previous. I grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania. I had my parents and was the youngest of 3 siblings...
    zooloothe1st zooloothe1st 26-30, F 3 Responses Dec 28, 2013

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    You Didn't Totally Win....

      copyright@emmasharn    I was quiet for a while, my p*aedophile, but now nothing takes away my happy smile. Oh sorry, did you want to crush me forever, or were you hoping we’d still be together? A one sided l*over, you have no shame, there is no question of...
    emmasharn emmasharn 31-35, F 1 Response May 16, 2009

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    I Just Want To Let Go...

    I want to let go of everything that endured as a child.
    jesussaves2013 jesussaves2013 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 11, 2013

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    When I was a child growing up,

    my first memory is of my parents fighting and the a knife being thrown and me almost getting hit with it. My parents said that, that was when they split up. My mom invited her brother to live with us, so that she could get her GED. She worked full time and went to night school...
    Trisha071113 Trisha071113 26-30, F 2 Responses Dec 16, 2013

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    This is my story. Would mean the world

    if you would read it. I'm trying to get awareness about depression and my experiences. https://www.facebook.com/Jennifersally/posts/10153911739105553 If you could like and share my status on Facebook would mean a lot as I am trying to bring attention to depression and help...
    Chinoi6 Chinoi6 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 14

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    Operation Be A Kid Again

    Operation Be A Kid Again( from my blog www.diaryofabrokenchild.blogspot.com) This is my list of things I never got to do as a kid, got to do but want to do again or just things I wanna try as an adult that have nothing to do with childhood. This list could be call Operation...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 2, 2013

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    Sometimes I just want to sleep.

    Sleep consumes me. I feel like I'm walking in a swamp, forcing my feet to wade through the darkness until my sight becomes blurry and my heart begins to shutter. So I give in and I lay down. No time to take off my work clothes or even my coat. I just fall to the floor and I...
    Ashclo Ashclo 22-25, F 1 Response Dec 31, 2013

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    I know I should probably go to therapy

    but I'm really shy talking to people face to face, especially when they direct all their attention to me like a therapist would. I don't want to be trapped in a room with a stranger even if they are a therapist... I want these bad memories out of my head though... Will they go...
    ppp070486 ppp070486 22-25 2 Responses Dec 21, 2013

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    When I was 6 years old my mother went abroad

    for a better living, my father is not always at home because he is looking for a job. Me and two younger brothers live with my mother's siblings. My uncle's classmate often comes to our house to visit my uncle, he is always so nice with me, he gives me money. One night when I...
    jennyruth jennyruth 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 1

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    I'm at a time where I wish I had never told

    anyone. I was abused between age 5-7 by my babysitter. He was at least 40 years older then me. I didn't tell anyone until I was 13. I don't remember much from suppressing my memory but that doesn't stop the flashbacks. I now have major depression, pcos, PTSD, sleep apnea and...
    Chinoi6 Chinoi6 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 20

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    I'm quite new to experience project

    but seeing how brave other people are sharing their story I'm going to try and share mine bit by bit in a hope that the flashbacks will lessen when they find a voice. Any comments and support would be greatly appreciated although I understand that my story is one of many and may...
    ppp070486 ppp070486 22-25 1 Response Dec 20, 2013

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    Warrior

    This is a story that I have never told. I got to get this off my chest to let it go. I need to take back the light inside you have stole, your a criminal and u steal like your a pro. All the pain and the truth I wear like a battle wound. So ashamed and so confused. I was broken...
    Rosie1227 Rosie1227 16-17, F 1 Response Sep 10, 2013

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    Feeling Uncertain

    I've been through a lot of abuse in my life...verbal,physical, emotional,sexual..i don't really talk about it. I'm afraid if i do the people will look at me differently. I'm always smiling and staying positive and strong to help others..i'm so scared that if i tell people the...
    somethingspecial1 somethingspecial1 22-25, F 8 Responses Aug 24, 2012

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    I feel like I need to depend on someone else to

    provide my happiness. I need someone to control me the way my father did for 10 years.
    Wanderlust7 Wanderlust7 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 31

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    Irony Of Life......my Pain, Has Turned To Gain.

    From when i was very young, my father took advantage of me. It happened for....i dont even know how long, but i didnt understand what was happening. Then when my mother got a divorce, she married a new man. who...did the same thing as my father before. It took me many years to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Aug 3, 2012

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    The night mates are haunting.

    He comes into my dreams and scares me. I can't control it and I can't just end it. It like I'm a little helpless girl again and no one can save me. The nightmares are often and unexpected. There is no telling when I will have them. I wake up terrified but have to push it to...
    jackjack600 jackjack600 18-21, F 5 Responses Apr 7

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    I Don't Know Whats Worse..

    I don't know whats worse...remembering or not remembering. I kept these secrets locked away in my mind for to long and now  they've returned to me in bits and pieces. With flashes of hands and heavy breaths. With words of a father saying "this is how daddy's show their love" and...
    silverstar415850 silverstar415850 18-21, F 7 Responses Dec 19, 2011

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    Escape Physically But What About Mentally?

        copyright@emmasharn    Why did you need to hurt me, what’s the pleasure that you got? I have to ask the question, since you did it quite a lot. I saw your face of anger, saw it twisted up with rage, then my heart was hammering, and dreading the next...
    emmasharn emmasharn 31-35, F 5 Responses May 16, 2009

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    Thank you all for listening.

    I think if I dare to share my story here, maybe I can print it out and be brave enough to go to therapy and show it there... I guess I need to make an appointment with my GP first... And that probably means having to tell her a little bit too, right? I'm so ashamed being face to...
    ppp070486 ppp070486 22-25 Dec 27, 2013

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    One of my cousin came to live with my family.

    He lived with use for about a year. I remember him sexual abusing me every chance he would get. After he went back to his family. I finally built the courage to tell my mother. It has really affected me as an adult. I haven't been able to form relationships with people and the...
    aztec1128 aztec1128 26-30, M 2 Responses Dec 20, 2013

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    I still love you dad,

    for some reason.
    shannonigin shannonigin 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 19

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    Some things just don't have a solution.

    Sometimes, there's nothing you can do to fix it.
    Ashclo Ashclo 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 3

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    For 10 years I was sexually abused by the man

    who I thought to be my father. When I found out that he wasn't my real dad, it made me feel better.
    Wanderlust7 Wanderlust7 16-17, F Mar 27

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    I was 15 years old, 10th grade then.

    ... I was going on the bus (public), it was quiet empty.Just then a man got into the bus and came and sat next to me, even though there were many seats empty in the bus, I tried to move away but he caught me by the hand, and made me sit down and whispered in my years that he...
    Loveme04 Loveme04 16-17, F 6 Responses Dec 31, 2013

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    That stuff kills us. I hope everyone reading

    realizes how much it hurts and traumatizes us. It's not that "sex isn't a big deal" because for some it is and for some it isn't. However, it's that lack of control - of knowing what happened to you isn't your choice, and of knowing that someone you love and trust can place your...
    EmmaBrun EmmaBrun 13-15, F 5 Responses Dec 31, 2013

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    My Life In Pretence

    I don't like talking about it. For the most part of my life, I pretended it was all a dream, a nightmare, something so hazy that it fades in the background and pretend it didn't happen to me. But I couldn't carry on pretending any longer. Not when I try to have a serious...
    hoping2live hoping2live 22-25, F 20 Responses Oct 7, 2010

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    Dad Touched Me, I Was Punished For Telling Teacher

      I remember my dad touching me below when I was 3.  The memory was so much stronger when I was 13 and tried to deal with it then.  I told two girls in my class about it.  They went and told my teacher Mrs. Brown.  She went crazy and reprimanded me...
    emmasharn emmasharn 31-35, F 15 Responses May 11, 2009

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    This Is What I Feel When I'm Reminded Of It.

    Those white butterflies pretty and white dancing in the valley colorful and bright. Yes, those white butterflies tried escape but caught wings pinned, wings torn. Yes, those white butterflies turning grey and pale motionless and calm wide open eyes but see only the dark. Those...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 15, 2012

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    Memories Never Go.

    movies movies we'll go for a movie wanna know what happens after? if yes, we'll go for a movie does he really mean that? confusion surrounds. mind half split. yes he meant, no he couldn't continued for long so very long months and years passed along and the time came with no...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 2 Responses May 16, 2012

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    Dark

    It all so dark. My room and my walls. My heart is pounding. It's beating is a noise. I'm still. Like a corpse. But my eyes are opened. And I'm seeing the dark. I can see through the dark. Feeling it all around me, covering me. Like a black ink. Comforting me. It's like a cover, a...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

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    I'M Stronger Than That

    I could have chosen a long time ago to allow the incestuous sexual abuse I endured as a child to destroy me from the inside out, but I didn't. Because I'm stronger than that. I won't lie. There have been several dark years filled with deep soul searching, rage, and an insane...
    Twisted01 Twisted01 31-35 21 Responses Nov 22, 2013

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    I Will Be Strong

    i am a survivor my mum chose men over me and i hate her but cant disown her i wish i could my life was a disaster i was self harming and tried suicide but than it all changed i realised if i carry on they win so i changed and now i just think all that happened made me who i am...
    hayhay2013 hayhay2013 22-25, F Nov 24, 2013

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    I'll Do Anything To Forget It.

    I'll do anything to forget the memories and feelings. Ive tried everything. Every bloody thing. I read that only way to get over it is to keep talking about it. I read that the more we talk, the more it loses its impact from our lives. So I started typing and talking about it...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 10, 2013

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    When I was 14-16 I was abused by my brother in

    law. I suffer from PTSD and I even went to the psych ward. My mom and sister read about what happend in my diary while I was gone. They don't believe me :/
    babykaykez babykaykez 18-21, F 5 Responses Jan 19

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    I wonder what classifies you

    as a survivor? Does it mean to physiologically be alive, or must one actually be some stereotypical, "I learned from my struggles" book writing, straight, married, Christian with perfect kids celebrity? Am I the only one who feels more a compulsion to shoot myself then thank God...
    Ashclo Ashclo 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 11, 2013

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    Touch Of Healing

    :: Dedicated to my Angel :: Many survivors are not so lucky to get the "priceless" feeling, what I call 'Touch of healing', but I was lucky enough to experience it a few times. He was the only person whom I told the whole 'story'. I don't know what made me speak in front of him...
    TiredOfRunning TiredOfRunning 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 1, 2013

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    I finally reached that point in my life

    where I've lost control of everything. I was so good at filing things away without ever having to read them, but then, one day I knocked over the entire cabinet. It's like being high and seeing tiny sections of every part of your life all at once. I knew I couldn't handle it for...
    Ashclo Ashclo 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 8

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    it happened and i cant change it

    but i refuse to let it define who i am as a person
    daniellefeather28 daniellefeather28 26-30, F 2 Responses Jan 8

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    Surviving Evil-my Story Of Molestation And Moving On.

    I was 10. Mom had met yet another guy. I didn't thik he'd last, they rarely did. I was wrong. He treated my mom like i thought she deserved to be treated at that time in my life. I wanted my mom happy, and he made her happy. He treated me well to which just made things even...
    SSRaye05 SSRaye05 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 3, 2013

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    A Little Start

    I lay sleeping, until my bedroom door is ajar. I see his shadow through the hall way light. My heart starts pounding, How long do i have? Should I make a run for it, or lay silent and be still, I'm only a child, not more than eight, I close my eyes with the first tear, And pray...
    Estel1980 Estel1980 26-30 2 Responses Aug 25, 2012

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    JQuelley JQuelley 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 10

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    Related Experiences

    When I was about 4 years old, almost 5 my mother had met this man, who was about to be in our lives for a very long time. When I just got into kindergarten he had fallen off a...
    JustALittleGirl123 JustALittleGirl123 13-15, F 1 Response Apr 3

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    I have just watched this film,Silent House and it really triggered a lot of bad memories.Like a lot of them for all of that dont know i have been abused as a child by my...
    SammyLautner SammyLautner 13-15, F Mar 23

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    Writing a book ,anyone want to contribute there stories in this,No perverts!!!!
    Ursick Ursick 13-15, M 1 Response Mar 30

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