I Am a Young Widow Forum & Chat Board | How do you help your children ?

I am having a difficult time relating to my children since my husbands death 4 weeks ago, I know they are grieving as well as myself, I just seem to be at a loss for knowing how best to help them come to terms with it all, Can any other member of this group give any advice, perhaps those of you who have been widowed longer, any one??

Helping our children through grief when we are grieving ourselves is very difficult.  I can give you some concrete advice that will help you get started.

- Don't be afraid to show grief in front of your children, but try to consider their ability to handle what you show them.  It might not be a good idea to fall completely apart infront of your children if you can avoid it.

- Try to make sure your children feel comfortable bringing up your spouse's name.  Don't be overly emotional every time his/her name is brought up.  Your child needs to feel you are still there to provide comfort and security. 

- Do talk about your spouse with them and help them process any memories they want to share.

- Do your best to keep their regular routines the same as much as possible.  Complications from grief are more likely the more things change as a direct cause of the person's death.

- Try to connect your child with other children who have also lost a parent.  It will go a long way toward helping them feel they are not alone.  Many areas have camps or support groups your children can attend for free or a low cost.

- Get some support for yourself.  You can't be the best parent for your children and continue to give of yourself when you are not being filled.  There is only so much you can do on your own.  There are many of us out here, find some who are local to you.  They will be a great source of support for you. 

-M