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I Am American

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 68,682 People

    What has one hundred balls

    and screws old ladies? Bingo
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I've got something in my front pocket

    for you. Why don't you reach on in my front pocket and see what it is? There, grab onto it - it's just for you. Give it a little squeeze and say, "How do you do?" There's something in my front pocket! There's something in my front pocket! South Park
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M a week ago

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    I just swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles

    so my next crap might spell disaster. John Kerry
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Think most Americans Are Happy with Our

    Government? Think Again. share 612 tweet 27 email BOSTON (Reuters) - The failed Scottish vote to pull out from the United Kingdom stirred secessionist hopes for some in the United States, where almost a quarter of people are open to their states leaving the union, a new...
    The1960texan The1960texan 51-55, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I consider myself a decent guy

    and try to relate well with others. That being said, I realize I'm in my forties and if lucky, have reached my 1:2 way point on this planet. So the little time I want to invest in people & activities I like? The following are things I don't have time for; Self absorbed gold...
    Elsiboney Elsiboney 46-50, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    What's the similarity between skydiving

    and getting a blow job off your granny? Don't look down! David Letterman
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    I am american and im proud of it

    because i live in a free country
    rachelrubin01 rachelrubin01 13-15, F 32 Responses Apr 20

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    I Am An Outraged American Female

    Hello, I am Jill, age 44, mom, and have five kids; 3 boys and 2 girls. I was born, raised, and I am a proud and patriotic American citizen.  I have served my country well in our armed forces for a number of years.  I display the American flag at my country ranch. To say the...
    openmindedmaturemom openmindedmaturemom 41-45, F 50 Responses Nov 1, 2013

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    makethemostofyourlife makethemostofyourlife 26-30, F 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    Riukkuyo Riukkuyo 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I am an American female

    and I was born in Virginia 35 years ago. I love the beach for swimming, sunbathing, playing games, reading, and looking at others. I enjoy my family and friends very much. This is a great nation that I live in. I love the freedom to express myself and to do as I please and I...
    loveswalkingbeaches loveswalkingbeaches 31-35, F 10 Responses Jun 4

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    Black Female American Service Member.

    I am a black female American service member and in the United States Air Force. I have been in the military for five years and I am currently stationed at Wright Patterson AFB, Dayton, Ohio. I am very proud to have entered the military and serve my country in my military...
    blackfemalelooking blackfemalelooking 22-25, F 23 Responses Dec 2, 2013

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    Ok so I'm totally not American.

    I'm English. But I was hoping to ask for some American advice! I'm sending my friend an English food package with candy and chocolates and tea in - was wondering what kinds of English candy you would want to try that you can't really get in the USA? Would be a bit pointless to...
    leo1292 leo1292 22-25, F 14 Responses Sep 14

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    Boston

    Thoughts and prayers to those in Boston. God bless America.
    indyeagle indyeagle 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 16, 2013

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    Read This And Thought It Was Funny

    A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all...
    nyx39 nyx39 36-40, F 22 Responses Oct 31, 2013

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    Sometimes when I'm bored I like to find couples

    in supermarkets, and when they're not looking drop a bottle of anal lube in their trolley. The resulting arguments are priceless. Hillary Clinton
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Proud To Be American, Sad To See What America Is Becoming...

    I live in America. I am a US Citizen.  I could be considered a mutt with all my ethnic heritage, but I don't refer to myself by any of them.  I am not German-American.  I am not Swedish-American.  I am not French-American.I am simply American.I don't understand why people...
    deleted deleted 26-30 9 Responses Nov 14, 2012

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    Yes, I am very proud to be an American

    as most all other citizens here in this nation are. I do support our military forces in keeping us safe from others who want to hurt and even kill us because of our traditional beliefs.
    momwithcleavage momwithcleavage 41-45, F 17 Responses Apr 6

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    In the United States we call ourselves

    "American". So what do people in South America call themselves? Shouldn't they also call themselves "Americans"? My twelve year old asked me that question. Her history class had been discussing this. Made me think!
    ivory050 ivory050 46-50, F 8 Responses 5 days ago

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    A real American. Because -as opposed to people

    just born here and taking the United States of America for granted- mine was a complete choice that started 22 years ago. I was born in a different country, I migrated legally looking for educational opportunities. Went back to my country of origin only to realize I did not fit...
    breathingeasy breathingeasy 41-45, M 10 Responses Jan 21

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    Even with our president making a HUGE mess of

    everything in this country, I'm still proud to be an American. You know you live in a great country when other people constantly wanting to come into this nation so God Bless America!
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M 7 Responses 5 days ago

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    I am a young American college female

    who loves the life I lead here. I am proud to have been born in the USA. I will take my voting rights very seriously in the midterm elections in November 2014 because I want someone who will represent and speak for me and not just themselves, if they were to be elected. I...
    geminifemalecollegecoed geminifemalecollegecoed 22-25, F 15 Responses Jan 25

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    RavenRena17 RavenRena17 18-21, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Proud to be an American.

    Thanks to all the veterans
    grace206013 grace206013 13-15, F 3 Responses Aug 8

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    If work is so healthy society should give to

    the sick people. John Denver
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 4 days ago

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    I am a redneck country girl!

    ! Fishing and hunting or dirt bike ridding and shooting I'm there! Proud to be free to be me...
    ladybugluck09 ladybugluck09 26-30, F 13 Responses Jul 21

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    I am an American female

    and housewife with four children. I was born in California and now live in a suburb of Phoenix, Arizona with my family.
    momatpool momatpool 41-45, F 2 Responses Sep 14

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    Since I am Hispanic, a lot of people ask me

    where I am from. I know what they're trying to say. they want to know what is my ethnic background is. But just to mess with them, I always respond "'Murica". I do this because most of my friends and acquaintances always say that they're mexican or Salvadorian and etc. and this...
    Noriega1993 Noriega1993 18-21, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    FIFTEEN STATES INCLUDING TEXAS HAVE FILED PETITIONS TO WITHDRAW FROM THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

    As of Saturday November 10, 2012, 15 States have petitioned the Obama Administration for withdrawal from the United States of America in order to create its own government. States following this action include: Louisiana, Texas, Montana, North Dakota, Indiana, Mississippi...
    THEMADHATTERXXXX THEMADHATTERXXXX 46-50, M 35 Responses Nov 11, 2012

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    With the Memorial Day holiday upon us,

    I just want to say thank you to all of the men and women in the Armed Forces, past, present, and future that have served the country proudly. In remembrance of some but in honor of all. Happy Memorial Day!!!
    Peaches1976 Peaches1976 36-40, F 11 Responses May 24

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    Happy 4th, everyone! ♥ Thanks to all the man

    and women defending our freedom ^-^
    superkitty17 superkitty17 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 4

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    I Think George Zimmerman Didn't Do Wrong (another update)

    Warning Warning! This is my opinon and only my opinon and have no scientific proof to back anything up. I posted this to I Am American because this is a story I feel should scare every person in this country of ours. When that whole horrible shooting happened, if you recall the...
    HikingGuy HikingGuy 46-50, M 83 Responses Jul 11, 2013

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    I love this country but it makes me sad to see

    just how far we have gone downhill. The number of people unwilling to work for what they get, the number of people who are out of work that don't want to be, the ridiculous and unfair laws on everything from taxes to how we raise our children and the sad state of our...
    ACuriousStudent ACuriousStudent 26-30, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    Lady Gag Gag

    Okay so the supreme court has just handed homosexuals a golden plate.Yay for You.I was watching the news just now on the CW.They showed a Clip of Lady Ga Ga waving her little rainbow flag and singing Her rendition of The Star Spangled Banner,with word changes ending with "the...
    The1960texan The1960texan 51-55, M 64 Responses Jul 2, 2013

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    It irritates the hell out of me that

    so many Americans missed the point of this day, memorial day. There are 364 other days to show your respect and appreciation for my fellow veterans and service men. Memorial day is just that, a memorial, for those that have died serving our country. Today we should honor and...
    Matte201422 Matte201422 36-40, M 12 Responses May 26

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    Christmas is a lot like anal sex.

    It's better to give than to receive. Ronald Reagan
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    A proctologist just finished examining a patient

    and said "good bye Mr. Smith, see you next week". The nurse walks in a few minutes later and has a form for the Proctologist to sign. The nurse sees that he is trying to write with his rectal thermometer and informs the doctor of his mistake. He exclaims "oh man, some...
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    “As soon as we start putting our thoughts

    into words and sentences everything gets distorted, language is just no damn good—I use it because I have to, but I don’t put any trust in it. We never understand each other.” ― Marcel Duchamp
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    And I hate that we aren't allowed to let

    that be our defining culture. I'm not German, English, Mexican, Spanish, African, Asian, or anything else. I'm an American yet society refuses to recognize this. The old guard needs to get up to speed and realize that we want that as an option. How many of us would choose to...
    Tgunn7 Tgunn7 22-25, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in

    her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's licence. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like ? " she finally asked. The...
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    thank you those who served

    and those still serving,
    bluesky52 bluesky52 51-55, M 4 Responses May 26

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    Zimmerman Trial What Really Happened?

    No trial has divided this country in such a way since the O.J. Simpson trial. One of the biggest reasons is the media’s decision to exert their power and try to influence public opinion. The most noteworthy example is NBC and their edited 911 tape of Zimmerman’s call in. What...
    lasergraph lasergraph 61-65, M 3 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    The Catholics have got it all wrong.

    Of course God wants us to use contraception. That's why he invented anal. Ian Paisley
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Female American Wife And Mom

    l am Carol and an American made female. I am married and a mom of 3 and working on number 4. I recently joined EP after being encouraged to do so by some of my girlfriends told me about this website. I am a proud American and love this country and our way of life. However...
    housewifenudistcarol housewifenudistcarol 36-40, F 17 Responses Nov 26, 2013

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    My family, of several generations,

    were all born in the USA. We are a military family and are faithful to our nation by paying our taxes, voting in all elections, serving in the armed forces, and protecting our citizens, other nations, and physical interests from harms way.
    ebonynbill ebonynbill 26-30, F 7 Responses Apr 15

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    What is the definition of a perfect lover?

    A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears. Margaret Thatcher
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    How do the French kill themselves?

    They shoot 15 centimeters above their heads, right in their superiority complex Al Gore
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    From One Vet To Another

    As a Vet myself I just want to say thank you to all those who fought for our country. God bless you all.
    det123 det123 61-65, M 10 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    We Used To Be A Proud Nation

    The most recent debate about "Obamacare" and all the embedded hypocrisy speaks to a larger problem: We are the most polarized we've ever been as a nation, and yet, at the core, we all maintain the same principles. Liberals and Conservatives will all generally agree on the...
    NoLongerHere NoLongerHere 41-45, M 22 Responses Jul 2, 2012

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    I always get asked what am I

    and where am I from and were is my family from. And I always say the same thing, here, America. My family has always lived here and yes we have dark tan skin tone but I'm still American. I hate when people laugh when I say that, I'm not joking. I've never been out of the country...
    christinajoycee christinajoycee 16-17, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    What do you call someone

    who speaks 3 languages? -trilingual What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages? -bilingual What do you call someone who speaks 1 language? -French Edgar Allan Poe
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Duncan98 Duncan98 16-17, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    I am a very proud American military wife

    and mom. My husband is an officer in the Air Force. We are celebrating his 30 years in the service of his country. I support and salute all of the American troops; male and female, who keep us free from known and unknown terrorists.
    femaleoncruiseship femaleoncruiseship 46-50, F 12 Responses Apr 6

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    Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

    Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender. Angela Merkel
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 3 Responses