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I Am An Alcoholic

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,663 People

    Self Medicating?

    It all started with blackberry brandy. I had barely learned to speak, but I had already learned that a lot of fussing and crying would result in a shot or two of black berry brandy. My grandmother had custody of me at the time, and black berry brandy was the cure for everything...
    puck61 puck61 51-55, M 16 Responses Jun 11, 2013

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    Trouble Ahead

    I take antabuse to stop me from drinking. It's worked for me for the last 17 months, it was my last resort and it worked. Snag is now my blood test has come back wonky, I have to have the test repeated on Monday in the hopes it's just a blip, if it's not I have to stop taking the...
    Illiteratetroll Illiteratetroll 46-50 15 Responses Oct 26, 2013

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    When You Know You Can't Go Back Home

    I turned 15 years old the month before the Thanksgiving Day of that year and had been living on the streets since the previous April when my father, drunk, drove a knife into my leg and tossed me out of the house where I lived with him, my mother and nine brothers and sisters. I...
    cmmacneil cmmacneil 51-55, M 7 Responses Feb 3, 2013

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    If you sit in a room full of people telling you

    that you're "sick" "insane" and suffering from a "disease" reading a book written by a religious nut, eventually you'll start believing it. That doesn't make it true. Think about it. Is sitting in a room full of people obsessed with their drinking behaviour healthy? I think...
    SwampyStables SwampyStables 46-50, M 9 Responses Oct 3

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    7:50 PM Drank. 9:30 PM Drunk.

    You know you are an alcoholic when: Under the influence of alcohol you ride your motorcycle through the dead of night.....to the tiny town of Morrison. And steal their only road sign. And wake up the next morning to discover it has been nailed to your bedroom wall....next to a...
    Vetrov Vetrov 51-55, M 8 Responses Nov 30, 2013

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    I am twenty five years old

    and struggling with a drinking problem. I don't drink everyday or even every week, but when I do drink, I binge drink. This Saturday I jumped out of a moving cab because I couldn't stop drunkenly fighting with a cab driver. This kind if behavior is dangerous and it scares me. I...
    bringmefire26 bringmefire26 26-30, F 5 Responses Sep 8

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    I just signed in for a rehab in England,

    to start in 3 weeks. I will be there for a minimum of 12 to 18 months. It's completely free as it is a christian sponsored one. This is good as normal rehabs are so expensive I could hardly afford a week. Now I am just waiting and killing time before I return to the UK and check...
    Searching1n Searching1n 22-25, M 26 Responses Jan 6

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    I Will Never Drink Again!!

    Now that I have been diagnosed with Stage 3 Inflammatory Breast Cancer, the very thought of picking up a drink is repulsive. Why would I pick up poison?  What did I see in it in the first place?  Oh sure, it gave me temporary relief from my constant barrage of negative...
    lagatta lagatta 41-45, F 64 Responses Jan 3, 2013

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    Perimenopause; hot flashes,

    palpitations, etc, and a gallbladder operation that is causing me to have anxiety about eating and using the bathroom has caused me to drink. Just six months ago I was pretty much sober, with the exception of the occasional glass of wine, and then my life came crashing down...
    perijenn perijenn 46-50, F 2 Responses Dec 14

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    I realized I was an alcoholic my sophomore year

    of college. I never went a day without drinking. I drank throughout the day and at night. I was partying, but only went for the alcohol. I started drinking young, but it was never a problem. Not until... anyways, after that I started drinking every day. I drank at school. I...
    Elysion Elysion 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 26

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    ......and I hate the man

    that I am when I am sober. Everyone else hates the man I am when I am drunk.
    spectre6 spectre6 31-35, M 4 Responses Sep 21

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    I am. I cant stop myself from drinking.

    Every time, I stare at my first beer and think " I shouldn't", but I do. It doesn't help that people around me encourage drinking. I wake up each night not knowing what exactly happened. Its a horrible feeling. I try to remember what I did, who I said something bad too, where I...
    IrMe IrMe 26-30, M 2 Responses Sep 27

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    RegicideJester RegicideJester 18-21, M 6 Responses Oct 31

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    I have been sober from past 40 days almost till

    now. I have seen things changing gradually day by day. Either it is my vision that there is a betterment each day. I can see my capabilities and professional skills, I can feel responsibility of being a father of a child, I can feel the responsibility of being an employee of my...
    UsmanIshaq1980 UsmanIshaq1980 31-35, M 2 Responses Nov 5

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    I did so well for so long.

    I am ashamed. Starting over.
    Airmech Airmech 46-50, M 3 Responses Nov 28

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    Story of my own hit bottom !

    I dont recall my past Eid day and night ! i was so drunk during all past 14 years Eid days and nights ! This Eid may be like something missing inside myself, i am feeling a bit sad inside some where deep inside of my thoughts but i have to hold myself. I lost and only lost in...
    UsmanIshaq1980 UsmanIshaq1980 31-35, M 2 Responses Oct 7

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    Today i am celebrating my 1st month end of

    being sober and this month end is so loving and a bit prideful for me as compare to all previous month ends. I went back to my business and i made money of this month end. I didn't buy a single bottle so there was no after cost of being drunk by end of month. I have my salary...
    UsmanIshaq1980 UsmanIshaq1980 31-35, M 1 Response Oct 29

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    I found out about A.A.

    as the result of the court system, a big "no no" in the fellowship and it wasn't about some traffic offense. I ended up in rehab and as a result of the group therapy I started to experience a total cessation of emotion and almost all thought with no identification of "me" at all...
    StarWanderer StarWanderer 56-60, M 1 Response May 4

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    9 weeks and 2 days. Had a major breakdown today

    emotionally. But, I'm still sober and who really gives a ****. No body gives you an award... In fact most people want to run away. Those friends you've gone above and beyond to help... Gone.. Don't matter what you've done for them. I've never been sober this long. Just like my...
    mysticdragonlady mysticdragonlady 36-40, F 5 Responses Aug 30

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    4 months sober... May wonder I drank.

    .. People annoy me. I run into several dumb people at work. I have a co worker that's a wack job. All of our customers are losers. We finance cars for bad credit people. Maybe 1 out of 20 is normal. I dropped out of high school and got my GED. Bought my first house at 21. Now...
    mysticdragonlady mysticdragonlady 36-40, F 5 Responses Oct 27

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    The Legal Age For Drinking Is 18 Where I Live.

    I could sit here and write about 'oh what a terrible childhood I had' and I would be telling the truth, but no I am going to say... - I started drinking when I was 12 to escape my head (wasn't really that hard to get access to grog given that I had an older brother and...
    randomdriftwood randomdriftwood 21-25, F 23 Responses Apr 11, 2007

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    110 days sober today.

    It's amazing how much things change in your life when you have a drinking problem and decide to stop. I have accomplished a lot and gone through a lot of up and downs. When you quit drinking it is physical withdraws that really suck. Makes you feel like the world is ending...
    mysticdragonlady mysticdragonlady 36-40, F 6 Responses Oct 14

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    i'm a liar and drinking

    currently, i am a liar. i have two best friends who i live for, who i've never lied to, until recently. i lie to them and others, and tell them that i've gone 'straight-edge' and i haven't gotten drunk while i'm out in several months now. but it's only because i've...
    MyRedYourWall MyRedYourWall 21-25, M 45 Responses Sep 19, 2007

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    Still Battling It....

    I'm an alcoholic. That's a fact. I'd like to say a 'reformed' alcoholic, but are we ever ? I don't think so. I think once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, even if you don't drink anymore. That's just a part of what we are, a shadow that'll follow us forever. I've been...
    cleozabu19 cleozabu19 26-30, F 83 Responses Apr 7, 2008

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    I've been an alcoholic

    since I was 14 and I been to inpatients and outpatients. Multiple counselors and so forth. All of these by my choice I was never forced. I was an insane alcoholic a black out drinker from the first sip. I was violent towards everyone leading to fights and getting jumped. Being...
    blmf1994 blmf1994 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 17

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    I just got 4 months without a drink,

    but I know it takes 5 years to get your head back, sucks that I gota wait 5 years to find out if I even have a head :-) very greatful for my sobriety tho :-)
    sbenveniste sbenveniste 31-35, M 5 Responses Nov 8

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    How Did It Get To This Point?

    Back when i was 16 or so getting a 12 pack and splitting it with a friend was great, but as the years passed the drinking got heavier i got dumber and the consequinces became greater.... Its hard to set here and reflect back on my many years of drunken mistakes, but maybe just...
    sizzahands86 sizzahands86 26-30, M 10 Responses Apr 29, 2013

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    One Step At A Time

    I know what its like to break the denial and admit your are an alcoholic after suffering this horrible disease for many years.  I suggest  you remind your self that you are not a bad  person trying to be good, you are a sick person trying to get well. Also remember if you dont...
    LUKEIT LUKEIT 41-45, M 6 Responses May 19, 2012

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    I Am Ashamed

    I have tried hard to deny it, but I can't. I have a disease. It's called alcoholism. It has before and is destroying my life. I am married, but don't know for how long; either by choice or not. I am a father of two and I love my kids. And I am an alcoholic. I am grateful...
    PrayersforRain PrayersforRain 36-40, M 3 Responses Oct 11, 2013

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    Revelation

    It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I figured out why I hate AA so much. I don't want to belong to a club, that would have me for a member.
    Lilt Lilt 46-50 27 Responses Jun 4, 2013

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    It's 22nd day of my sobriety

    and in these days i have felt some kind of serenity in myself. It's self awakening i think. I don't recall my past painful days when i used to get paid pain and regrets in morning that what the hell i have been doing last night. I can taste the food now. I can differentiate the...
    UsmanIshaq1980 UsmanIshaq1980 31-35, M 2 Responses Oct 21

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    I am looking for support.

    I've lost my connection with friends and family due to my drinking. I'm trying to restore some relationships, but that may take time, if at all possible. I am sober today and grateful. Thanks.
    BuddyBo BuddyBo 56-60, F 3 Responses Oct 7

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    I never really considered myself an alcoholic

    but after sitting down and really thinking about it I might need to consider it. I can't say no to a drink, when I feel the pain of my depression coming back my first thought is to go get a drink, once I start drinking one night it's becomes a habit of doing it multiple nights...
    Marie240 Marie240 18-21, F 4 Responses Oct 20

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    My son and I went to a little country pub on

    Friday. A friend was performing there and we had promised to support the act.I think the first thing I noticed was the lack of smell, since smoking has been banned. (Something I fully agree with, even as a smoker). My years in bars were marked by an inability to see across the...
    MelbourneSteve MelbourneSteve 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 29

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    It's been 8 weeks and one day.

    I've never been sober this long. My BF asked me when was the last time I was sober this long. I was like maybe high school? That's sick... I remember a didn't drink for a month it just once a week or twice. I rarely ever went a month. The fog has completely disappeared...
    mysticdragonlady mysticdragonlady 36-40, F 6 Responses Jun 19

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    I am on a relapse right now

    and it's horrible. I even went last week to the doctor to get detox medications. So I could sober up while they find a placement for me for treatment. It only lasted a few days and I am taking pills too. Such a hangover from the pills. I am drinking my mom's chardonnay right now...
    MollyVonFrankenstein MollyVonFrankenstein 31-35, F 6 Responses Aug 27

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    4 months 1 week 3 days,

    gosh times going slower then ever!
    sbenveniste sbenveniste 31-35, M 4 Responses Nov 16

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    My Story (Warning this a very long post – not

    for the faint of heart) I have decided to put my AA story on this site; sharing my experience, strength and hope, so that I may help others who are still sick and suffering from the ravages of alcoholism. What it was like, what happened and what it is like today. I grew up in a...
    ProgressNotPerfection ProgressNotPerfection 41-45, M 5 Responses Dec 18, 2013

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    464 Days

    Sobriety, its getting a little boring now. I look around at others who enjoy a drink now and then, and think they are lucky. They can have their cake and eat it too. All I can do is remind myself of the pain my drinking caused. The havoc it reeked on my life. So I close my...
    BrownEyedGirl09 BrownEyedGirl09 26-30, F 1 Response Apr 23, 2013

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    Connections

    I need to know something and I am wondering if anyone who reads this could help me. Even before you became an alcoholic, were you a messy or unorganized person? Or both? Thank you in advance :)
    thegodchick thegodchick 36-40, F 16 Responses Oct 22, 2013

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    Does Anxiety Cause Alcoholism?

    Very common phrases you hear from Alcoholics are: "I can't get comfortable inside my own skin." "I just have a few drinks to relax." "After a couple of drinks, I feel more like myself." "I enjoy myself around people more with a few drinks." The common theme here is that their...
    Michaeloff55 Michaeloff55 61-65, M 4 Responses Jan 8, 2011

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    Hello I am Kristof and I am an alcoholic.

    I have been fighting with it for almost 12 years now. This addiction has destroyed my body and my mind, forcing very important things to vanish. Today I have made the choice to finally say farewell to my alcohol addiction and am considering going to AA meetings. This is a huge...
    farfrominnocent farfrominnocent 31-35, M 5 Responses Oct 26

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    I know people won't stop commenting on me,

    they still think i will be drinking and saying same shyt that i don't drink anymore. Should i care about them? I don't think so, i would rather stop listening or meeting up those or these people who criticize me and discourage me in my sobriety. But my mom has got an idea and my...
    UsmanIshaq1980 UsmanIshaq1980 31-35, M 1 Response Oct 10

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    Been a few months now at least.

    I don't count days, I don't care for that. I'm sober. Not much to share about it. Just wanted to share.
    Airmech Airmech 46-50, M 3 Responses Sep 8

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    I'm Questioning My Decision To Stop Drinking

    I haven't had a drink for over three months, I take antabuse to keep me from drinking but I'm seriously questioning my decision to stop. It feels like my brain no longer functions as it should, everything is confused, simple decisions are too hard to make and the depression is...
    Illiteratetroll Illiteratetroll 46-50 12 Responses Oct 2, 2012

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    I haven't been back on this site

    for some time now. For those of you who read my stories I'll provide a little update. I've been in treatment and attending aa meetings since April this year. I was sober for 4 months and then started drinking in secrecy for 2 months. I'm sober again now after being fired from...
    brokenandtwisted brokenandtwisted 22-25, F 3 Responses Dec 16

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    75 days sober. I had an emotional break down

    and thanks to a friend... Two amazing people on here. (They know who they are love love you guys) I finally realized I needed more help than just talking about it. I am practicing the first step “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become...
    mysticdragonlady mysticdragonlady 36-40, F 3 Responses Sep 9

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    Am an alcohol and wish I wasn't,

    but don't seem to be able to drop the bottle
    izaakmilton izaakmilton 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 9

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    Alcoholism Through The Years

    I grew up drinking beers and with my family since about 10. I did not start drinking around -the -clock 1/2 gallons of liquor until I was about 18. As im typing this right now, I sweat and can't even think clear. I've been to 2 rehabs and must have tried detox atleast 20 times. I...
    deleted deleted 26-30 16 Responses Jun 5, 2011

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    My Journey To Sobriety

    I turned to alcohol after a sudden, unwanted divorce. I used it to kill the pain, and then to loosen up and have fun. Later I used it for other reasons. Seems I could always find a reason to drink. That's what we alcoholics do, we make excuses to drink. I was drinking heavily...
    Siberia1000 Siberia1000 46-50, F 1 Response Jul 17, 2013

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    Today, i met a bunch of alcoholic old friends.

    We used to drink together but today i was standing apart of them and they all were suffering hangover cos of last night excessive drinking. I felt something within myself and that was a difference between me and them. I was looking at them as people around me used to look at my...
    UsmanIshaq1980 UsmanIshaq1980 31-35, M 1 Response Oct 12

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