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I Am An Alcoholic

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,841 People

    I have some experience with alcoholism.

    I thought I would add the things I encounter in my recovery here. I tend to be clinical with facts so expect information and not too much feelings. With that said, everything here is something I had to learn the hard way. ............... ................ Addiction...
    woolkey52 woolkey52 56-60, M Jan 10

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    Wanting Drink

    I used to drink about a bottle of average wine per night.I decided I didn't like that and was suicidal/tendencies. At one point I was drinking a can of 4% lager a night-I'm a lady,but I had to have that lager.Sometimes a bit more.And more at weekends. I prayed,something clicked I...
    mysmugcat mysmugcat 41-45, F 7 Responses May 14, 2013

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    Alcholics don't drink

    because they are fine... They drink because they hurt... Trying to numb some unconscious pain that's not dealt with... Mine stems in childhood... I am very self aware, don't get me wrong. I know why I drink. I'm not oblivious to my pain. I just don't know how else to deal with...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jul 4, 2015

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    I think I might have to give sobriety another

    try. I quit for 23 months then started drinking again and I have been drinking for about 15 months now, "trying to manage it, trying to drink socially" this rarely works for me and often times I get into trouble, **** people off, embarrass myself or worse. Why do I hold onto...
    sober79 sober79 41-45, M 1 Response Dec 20, 2015

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    i am an alcoholic, today I took the decission

    to stop for good. Dear friends, please support me.
    proximous proximous 41-45, M 5 Responses Nov 1, 2015

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    Revelation

    It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I figured out why I hate AA so much. I don't want to belong to a club, that would have me for a member.
    Lilt Lilt 46-50 26 Responses Jun 4, 2013

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    you have/had a mental illness

    and drank or do? how do you cope?
    mysmugcat mysmugcat 41-45, F 15 Responses Jun 28, 2015

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    my friends think I'm an alcoholic

    and I'm afraid that I am. Idk how to stop.
    Saradancer Saradancer 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 22

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    I'm over 4 years sober!

    I don't feel like going to meetings lately! I hope that changes soon as it's good to be part of something! Sometimes I don't like all the rules either!
    angelgirl9496 angelgirl9496 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 6

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    I 'am ,indeed an alcoholic.

    Started out as no big deal ,next thing i know things have gotten ,"out of control".I function ,don't drink in the morning or early afternoon,but i drink every day.My family has spoken to me,they accept me .I know i have to stop soon,and i think i may need to go to detox,Honestly...
    1prettygirl 1prettygirl 36-40, F 35 Responses Feb 25, 2015

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    Day 3, well life sure does have a way of

    testing your commitment and strength. Three days into this journey I find out that the store I've been managing for 9 months is closing. I have to tell 15 people that they are losing their jobs. Trigger I'd say yes, I would love to break out a bottle of tequila....hell smoke...
    BrownEyedGirl09 BrownEyedGirl09 26-30, F 9 Responses Jan 5

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    On my way to the casino

    for the first time. It's day number 6 being sober and I'm not going to drink tonight. But the strangest thing happened. I'm sitting in the car with my best friend and we're listening to awesome music. And all of a sudden I get depressed and have the urge to self harm. I haven't...
    Scal92 Scal92 22-25, F 6 Responses Dec 7, 2015

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    theusunghero3 theusunghero3 26-30, M 1 Response Dec 23, 2015

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    Yesterday I got drunk at the office Christmas

    party, and bitter angry Woody emerged from my alcoholic fog to tell my bosses how poorly run the organization is. Still, probably better BAW than horny Woody, who was next in line, ready to annoy the interns. That would have been more amusing, at least.
    Woody6 Woody6 41-45, M 1 Response Dec 19, 2015

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    So it's been five weeks.

    It's been eight years since I've been sober for more than four weeks. I know it's only one more week, but it feels like a great accomplishment to me. I went out Friday with some friends, spent $20 (got a couple rounds for some friends). Usually I'll easily spend $50 just on...
    Dartanian Dartanian 41-45, M 4 Responses Jan 17

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    Anyone have withdrawals?

    The shakes are desperate when trying to work ... The anxiety created by your body as the alcohol leaves your system.... It's enough to put you off . Until the next night anyway
    Gladez Gladez 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 19, 2015

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    I quit drinking and now I see

    and feel everything different.. I cant cope like I did before.. I cant handle as much as I used to, I feel everything deeper and it sucks because im alone hahaha. Its funny how that happens.. you think you're surrounded by people who like you or love you and then you quit doing...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Dec 16, 2015

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    Self Medicating?

    It all started with blackberry brandy. I had barely learned to speak, but I had already learned that a lot of fussing and crying would result in a shot or two of black berry brandy. My grandmother had custody of me at the time, and black berry brandy was the cure for everything...
    puck61 puck61 51-55, M 16 Responses Jun 11, 2013

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    i'm a liar and drinking

    currently, i am a liar. i have two best friends who i live for, who i've never lied to, until recently. i lie to them and others, and tell them that i've gone 'straight-edge' and i haven't gotten drunk while i'm out in several months now. but it's only because i've...
    MyRedYourWall MyRedYourWall 18-21, M 43 Responses Sep 19, 2007

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    I've been a heavy drinker,

    a binge drinker, since I was in high school. I never learned how to drink responsibly. but i refused to say i was an 'alcoholic'. now I'm in my 30's, a sahm of 2 young kids, and I'm still drinking to excess! most recently I made a huge mistake while incredibly wasted and risked...
    jojoma28 jojoma28 31-35, F 6 Responses Dec 19, 2015

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    I drank for happiness

    and became unhappy. I drank for joy and became miserable. I drank for sociability and became argumentative. I drank for sophistication and became obnoxious. I drank for friendship and made enemies. I drank for sleep and woke up tired. I drank for relaxation and got the shakes. I...
    MarijuanaAbuser MarijuanaAbuser 18-21, M 17 Responses Aug 21, 2015

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    My Story (Warning this a very long post – not

    for the faint of heart) I have decided to put my AA story on this site; sharing my experience, strength and hope, so that I may help others who are still sick and suffering from the ravages of alcoholism. What it was like, what happened and what it is like today. I grew up in a...
    ProgressNotPerfection ProgressNotPerfection 46-50, M 5 Responses Dec 18, 2013

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    Does Anxiety Cause Alcoholism?

    Very common phrases you hear from Alcoholics are: "I can't get comfortable inside my own skin." "I just have a few drinks to relax." "After a couple of drinks, I feel more like myself." "I enjoy myself around people more with a few drinks." The common theme here is that their...
    Michaeloff55 Michaeloff55 61-65, M 4 Responses Jan 8, 2011

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    I started drinking around 14.

    I finally got help at the beginning of this year and I was a little over a month away from being a whole year sober. Then I went to a party and got drunk. I had been beating myself up over it but that didn't help any. The only thing I can do is learn from my mistakes and move on...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Dec 20, 2015

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    Dartanian Dartanian 41-45, M 2 Responses Dec 17, 2015

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    I'm not really an alcoholic.

    But I am a very heavy drinker. I don't drink in the day time. I don't drink at work or to function properly but I like how a drink makes me feel. I drink in the evening and during social engagement occasions but that's partly because that's how culture for grownups works in...
    Riffster Riffster 51-55, M 1 Response Dec 16, 2015

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    I'm a chronic relapser.

    ..and it's so exhausting. I can't stop. I wonder if I'll ever get sober.
    fight4life fight4life 31-35, F 9 Responses Jan 6

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    The Legal Age For Drinking Is 18 Where I Live.

    I could sit here and write about 'oh what a terrible childhood I had' and I would be telling the truth, but no I am going to say... - I started drinking when I was 12 to escape my head (wasn't really that hard to get access to grog given that I had an older brother and...
    randomdriftwood randomdriftwood 18-21, F 23 Responses Apr 11, 2007

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    Just finished ghost writing three letters of

    recommendation for myself and passed them off to the people they are supposed to be from. I imagine for some people it is easy to think good things about themselves. For me, not so much. After finishing them, I felt exposed and foolish, and in desperate need of a drink...
    Woody6 Woody6 41-45, M 2 Responses Dec 16, 2015

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    I can't just have one drink.

    Or even two. When I drink, I drink until I'm drunk. About 15 shots is my tolerance at this point. And it's every night. I can't stop. It's getting out of control. I do it mostly when I'm alone. Only because I just am alone a lot. I need to stop. I don't want a drinkers body, a...
    Scal92 Scal92 22-25, F 8 Responses Aug 23, 2015

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    I never thought of myself

    as an alcoholic. I thought i could handle drinking. I did in the past. Yes I would on occasion get drunk but I was in my twenties and this did not seem like a problem. I graduated from college, worked and would occasionally go out with friends. At one time i could stop at a...
    Asheera123 Asheera123 41-45, F 6 Responses Sep 21, 2015

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    I am a substance abusing alcoholic

    and I black out all the time. I hate myself for this... I have no idea why I continue this behavior of self destruction. I always think back and wonder how the **** I got home after not remembering leaving the bar I work at. And yes, to anyone reading this, I am a bartender...
    ajourneyunknown ajourneyunknown 26-30, F 5 Responses Jan 20

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    deleted deleted 26-30 25 Responses Nov 4, 2015

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    It was difficult for me to join this group.

    Sure it seems easy, just hit "join group" and you're in, right? The problem is, by joining this group not only am I acknowledging I have a drinking problem, but I am also acknowledging what I've spent five years denying: that I am indeed an alcoholic. The prideful part of me is...
    ConfessionsOfALostGurl ConfessionsOfALostGurl 22-25, F 5 Responses Jan 1, 2015

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    So here I go again on my own.

    ...DAY 1 I can say I probably didn't last much longer than 472 days....that was years ago and I don't quite remember exactly how the fall back into drinking occurred. it was probably my 30th birthday, I got drunk as hell that night. I'm 32 now and I won't say the past years...
    BrownEyedGirl09 BrownEyedGirl09 26-30, F 2 Responses Jan 3

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    I Will Never Drink Again!!

    Now that I have been diagnosed with Stage 3 Inflammatory Breast Cancer, the very thought of picking up a drink is repulsive. Why would I pick up poison?  What did I see in it in the first place?  Oh sure, it gave me temporary relief from my constant barrage of negative...
    lagatta lagatta 41-45, F 63 Responses Jan 3, 2013

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    Today will be a week sober.

    The headaches are getting better. The depression is getting worse. But I've never felt more alive. I feel like I'm bursting with passion. I want to write. I want to draw and create. But I also want to cry. I want to hide in a hole. I want to scream at the top of my lungs.
    Scal92 Scal92 22-25, F 9 Responses Dec 8, 2015

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    I just signed in for a rehab in England,

    to start in 3 weeks. I will be there for a minimum of 12 to 18 months. It's completely free as it is a christian sponsored one. This is good as normal rehabs are so expensive I could hardly afford a week. Now I am just waiting and killing time before I return to the UK and check...
    Searching1n Searching1n 22-25, M 24 Responses Jan 6, 2014

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    It's almost 1am and I'm wide awake.

    I was so desperate for a distraction I did the dishes. I was trying to think of what to do next since I won't be sleeping any time soon. Then I remembered ******* books exist! I never read because I was working during the day and drunk at night. I haven't read a ******* book in...
    Scal92 Scal92 22-25, F 3 Responses Dec 8, 2015

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    deleted deleted 26-30 14 Responses Sep 10, 2015

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    I hate that a lot of the Uk socialising is

    around pubs. yes they can be fun but you know. coffee shops should be open later and different healthy things and more clubs and things on later, not shut early .
    mysmugcat mysmugcat 41-45, F 8 Responses May 30, 2015

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    Still Battling It....

    I'm an alcoholic. That's a fact. I'd like to say a 'reformed' alcoholic, but are we ever ? I don't think so. I think once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, even if you don't drink anymore. That's just a part of what we are, a shadow that'll follow us forever. I've been...
    cleozabu19 cleozabu19 26-30, F 83 Responses Apr 7, 2008

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    She's not getting drunk

    for the hell of it, she's getting drunk to numb the hell of it...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Dec 23, 2015

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    I'm Questioning My Decision To Stop Drinking

    I haven't had a drink for over three months, I take antabuse to keep me from drinking but I'm seriously questioning my decision to stop. It feels like my brain no longer functions as it should, everything is confused, simple decisions are too hard to make and the depression is...
    Illiteratetroll Illiteratetroll 46-50 12 Responses Oct 2, 2012

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    I'm thinking more and more

    that binge drinking, well much drinking is self abuse and self harm. this may be no great revelation but it is just resonating so much with me. maybe a cycle for me as I have had abuse and neglect a lot in my life.
    mysmugcat mysmugcat 41-45, F 5 Responses Mar 15, 2015

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