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I Am An Ex-cutter

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 340 People

    Ashamed Of My Scars

    I have visible scars from cutting and I'm quite ashamed of them. I started in highschool, during sophmore year, and continued for around 5-6 years. It has landed me in the hospital a couple of times, and years of therapy where I'm convinced I've wasted my therapists' time. I was...
    ck000 ck000 18-21, F 9 Responses Jun 26, 2010

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    I haven't layed a knife to my wrists in 3 years.

    I used to cut every other day because nasty rumors were being spread about me and I didn't like anyone. Now I have very thin, white scars on both my left and rigbht arm, though more are on my right arm. You can barely even see them now. I'm glad that I still don't feel horrible...
    suzukipot suzukipot 16-17, F Dec 9, 2013

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    Pain And Shame

    I started cutting myself when i was about 11 years old. My life just seemed to be a big ball of pain, nothing was going right, my mom kept getting cancer , since i was a kid. And it was just hard. I could never talk to anyone about it. I didn't want their pity. Its hard sitting...
    creneebby creneebby 18-21, F Jul 31, 2012

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    My Best Friend

    My bestest friend cutts what should I do???.???
    VedaMay VedaMay 13-15, F 3 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    January 22, 2010

    That was when I last cut myself. That was even a couple months before I stumbled upon EP. Before that, I had cut myself in the last days of September 2009. That was my second last time and they were both months apart. It was very apparent that I was making the very best...
    deadmoon deadmoon 18-21, F Dec 30, 2011

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    They Are Memories

    i don't know i'f i'd call my self an Ex Cutter but you could look at it that way as i have not cut in over a year.i stoped because i don't want to be helped. i know how to control it when i wanna.i used to cut a lot more like scratched. it was a pain i got used to becausei could...
    MentalxButterfly MentalxButterfly 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 26, 2011

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    I Don't Want To Do It

    I cut myself the first time when I was about 9. I did it until I was almost 17. I cut my arms, my legs, my ribs, and my chest. The scars are the worst on my arms, chest, and ribs. For the first few years I hoped that by cutting my chest maybe I would be to disfigured for my...
    lyricaldemise lyricaldemise 36-40 2 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    I Am Recovering From A Long Journey.

    I had a cutting problem, it was so bad that my entire arm is filled with scars upon scars of varying sizes. It is rooted to my mother verbally and emotionally abusing me my entire life, my father never being there, and a step dad who hurt my mom all the time. I lived in a drug...
    NekroPhiliac NekroPhiliac 18-21, F Jan 5, 2013

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    Hidden For Years...

    I am 41 years old and I still at times feel the need to cut myself I have been doing it for over twenty years.... My ex-wife always made me feel ashamed of it. But it was my coping mechanism when times got too much for me. I try different methods now as opposed to cutting myself...
    Jah70 Jah70 41-45, M 2 Responses Aug 7, 2012

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    The Only Way I Felt Sane.

    Like a sister to me my babysitter at the age of 19 died. I was in the 7th grade, that year was an alright year i guess you could say except fo the part i lost all of my closest friends to the popular kids, and i began to get bullied.. I think the worst part about being bullied...
    lonergirl123 lonergirl123 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 12, 2012

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    Ericsopher Ericsopher 22-25, M Mar 9

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    The First Time I Took My Shirt Off In Front Of You

    I slid the black fabric of my blouse Off my arms revealing The pale ladder of scars. I never referenced them directly I told you, I was lost once. I said I did things once because They helped me survive Who I am as a Person. You didn't say anything. Instead you took your hand and...
    Deweybird0016 Deweybird0016 16-17, F Nov 7, 2012

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    The Habbit Stoped

    I am 14 years old and I used to be a very bad cutter I have scars all over my arms because nobody accepted me the way I am people would make fun of me all the time and push me around and called me Emo I had a boyfriend that I loved very much we where together for one year then he...
    josey888 josey888 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 29, 2013

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    Ex

    i started cutting myself at the age of 12, it was so fascinating to me how blood would gush out of me and i would feel the pain sting, which was better than the mental agony i faced. I kept on cutting myself up until i was 16, i got into a long term serious relationship with...
    SunnyB SunnyB 22-25 1 Response Feb 15, 2010

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    In Total Darkness You Can Be Me

    I Am The Shadow I am the shadow you see beside you at night The distorted, blackened version of yourself Flickering in and out of alleyways Not quite a person Just the manifestation of all that you are trying to hide Just the agony of being who you are Everything you don't want...
    Deweybird0016 Deweybird0016 16-17, F Nov 8, 2012

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    Give Me A Reason

    I started to cut when I was in my lowest state of depression. I could focus on anything, the world(in my eyes) was just a cruel place of indignity and injustice. I could stop hating myself, telling myself that I wasn't worth anything and that I would never amount to anything. One...
    Hitshufflereplay Hitshufflereplay 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 11, 2011

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    Even Now

    Even now I get upset...and I know wh ere I want to turn.Noth ing so proper as tattering myself.Pile my wish es, watch  me burn.Even now I want so badlyto let my pain flow out of my skin,mixing in with  my blood to give me release.But I can not stop once I beginMy paradox...
    SheCanMakeHellFeelJustLikeHome SheCanMakeHellFeelJustLikeHome 18-21, F Jan 30, 2011

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    I haven't cut regularly in years,

    but lately life is really tough and depression is all encompassing. it's gotten really hard not to relapse. every day is a battle against the impulses i don't want to give in to. i just want a friend i can talk to who would encourage me when i'm trying not to give in. i would be...
    paradoxical paradoxical 22-25, F Dec 11, 2013

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    I'm an ex-cutter, burner actually.

    I was on a medication on at the time that caused severe depression. The moods I went into were terrible. Even after a suicide attempt the doctor refused to take me off it. I started burning after that because the suicidal thoughts wouldn't stop and I needed an outlet. Eventually...
    Notthateasy Notthateasy 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 5

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    It Started When I.....

    attempted suicide. I slit my wrists at 15, long and deep slashes on both my wrists, the way it felt was amazing and unlike anything that had ever happened to me, it wasn't' painful like the abuse that my step dad dished out, it was a release, and I knew I would do it over and...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jul 19, 2010

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    "Destroy Me"

    I used to take an exacto knife to my skin. Cutting delicate lines all along my thighs. The last time I cut was when I realized I had to stop. I was pretty low. It was about seven months ago. My fiance at the time confessed that he had been lying to me about going into the...
    SweetDesireeRose SweetDesireeRose 18-21, F Sep 30, 2011

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    I Like The Pain.

    I enjoy cutting, and ever since I stopped, it just feels different. I've been mostly clean for about 2 months, but I still have my occasional moments. I just get such a rush from seeing the blood drip down my skin. I would use the same towel to clean up, and every time I filled...
    shadowvigilante shadowvigilante 16-17 3 Responses May 9, 2013

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    Release..

    I havnt cut in years.. I still feel the need to..After a day when my memories haunt me.. When all i can think about is the pain growing inside my broken soul..thats when i use to start cutting, cutting the pain from my hips.. then my arms. It felt so good after i could see the...
    vooD vooD 22-25, F Nov 10, 2012

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    Story Time (why Today Is Special)

    On July 16, 2011, I fell victim to the blade once more and had a fourth cutting relapse. At this point in time, I was deeply, deeply depressed and highly self destructive. I hadn't yet learned the consequences of my actions. I had abandoned my retribution and gave in to the blade...
    ReesesPeaces ReesesPeaces 16-17, F 2 Responses Jul 16, 2012

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    Trying To Quit

    I am 13 years old. I have been cutting since I was 10.. I started out hardly cutting myself, like it would not't't even bleed. Then after time, I cut started getting worse. Life has been hard for me. My mom has been a single parent for years. I am basically raising myself because...
    vJinxx vJinxx 13-15, F 3 Responses Jul 13, 2012

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    Clean For Almost A Year

    As you all know summer is approaching.It was around this time last year I started cutting.I felt urges to try it out.My best friend use to did it.Which kinda spiked a peek of interest in me.I started cutting secretly.Little cuts on the side of my arm.It was easy to hide around my...
    Dawn0fTheDeathNote Dawn0fTheDeathNote 13-15, F Jan 30, 2013

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    Life Now

    I havnt cut in 3 weeks, n I know that doesnt seem like much time but I used to cut 4 to 5 times a day... I got a new bf, n when my ex ended it with me... I was sad... n then woke up happy, like genuinely happy,1st time in 2 n a half years.... but last night was tough.... one of...
    KristenRS KristenRS 13-15, F Aug 19, 2013

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    Dont

    i had a friend, they didn't die but we fell out,....she showed me she cut herself, she was upset, i asked her why she said i couldn't understand,....and at that moment i pulled out my pocket knife took it to my arm, and started slicing,...right it front of her i kept cutting my...
    meryl007 meryl007 22-25, M 1 Response Feb 12, 2011

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    Loseing...

    from my other story here, you'll know i've stopped cutting.. and that some times i still get a slight urge to want to..but that hhas not happene to me. to answer some  of your questions.no stopping for my ex gf  didn't hurt. and my bf understand should i keep oing it as long as...
    MentalxButterfly MentalxButterfly 22-25, F 1 Response May 26, 2011

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    I Love My Scars

    I like looking at my scars they are little reminders that I defeated my demons. I havnt cut myself in over a month. I know that doesnt make me better because I could cut anytime. But  it means I was strong enough to make it this far. I dont wanna hide my skin anymore. Scars are...
    Panthere Panthere 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 17, 2011

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    The First Night

    I awoke one nightNot sure of myselfBut, having the feeling of bursting into tears at that second... wasn't an option for meSo, I picked up her scissors and split them apart....Breaking them against the wallSmashing all in sight.. I don't know why it was so important to break them...
    KISSndKILL KISSndKILL 18-21, F Jul 5, 2011

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    Finally Done

    I've wanted to quit for a long time, but finally, I have. I stopped in April. Once I pierced my lip, i promised myself, and my best friend tyler, that i would never cut again. and I haven't ever since
    MurderMichelle MurderMichelle 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 30, 2008

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    I Cut

    I really do not know, what has happened to me, everyone knows me as the happiest person that has ever lived, but inside I am torn and my heart and soul is broken, I just started cutting, and I know this is stupid but the first time I cut was when the guy I have falling for told...
    blackcloud22 blackcloud22 31-35, F 5 Responses Oct 19, 2009

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    Freshman-senior

    For Four Years I was a cutter....... I cut my arms, legs and stomach..... I hated myself for the abuse that I was given by my brother......I was also beaten on a daily basis by my father and hated myself because of the disgusting things that were done to me, on me and in me...
    lady1979 lady1979 31-35, F Jul 17, 2012

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    Constant Struggle

    I used to cut myself when I was first around 12 as a means of escape from the emotional neglect from my parents and verbal sibling abuse I received as a young almost teenager. I tried to talk to my mother about my feelings instead of cutting but she really would not listen to...
    EpericDusk EpericDusk 18-21, F 1 Response Oct 8, 2013

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    I Have Finally Started To Heal...

    I have cut for nearly five years now and 22 days ago today I stopped cutting. I guess I'm not an "ex-cutter" yet but I'm working on it. I have been doing the butterfly project and that's what honestly saved me. My parents dont know I used to cut, none of my family does. I have...
    WishesAreGone WishesAreGone 16-17, F Apr 1, 2012

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    I Cant,,,

    i cant say im an ex cutter....becuz im not....i wish to stop but cant. its my stress release. but lately i havent had the erge to cut...hmmm maybe i am an ex cutter
    twinni twinni 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 15, 2010

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    Well, That Was Stupid.

    After not having cut in 6 months, and not cut 6 months before that, I have relapsed. Why? What is the matter? I was doing so good. I still had urges, but I didn't act upon them, what weakened my resolve? I smoked, made myself throw up, and cut all in the same hour period. Maybe...
    Rokubenny2005 Rokubenny2005 18-21, F Jan 16, 2013

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    didn't cut for a year

    and then I relapsed a couple times a couple months ago, Ive never done it severely but it still scares me that I feel the need to cut.
    Merewiff Merewiff 16-17, F 2 Responses Jan 21

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    Hiding The Scars

    I want to get rid of my scars but sometimes I feel like thats what keeps me going like it reminds me you didn't die for a reason.... I found this really neat idea of putting a meaningful tattoo over it. Im not sure if I should do it. I always find my self hiding it or touvhing...
    mzmiztake mzmiztake 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 26, 2013

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    Trigger

    i think its all personal,   the TRIGGER can be a song, a smell, a picture, a program, a person....ect    either its the cause its self of something that reminds you of the cause or something that pushes you through the memories of the cause...
    skyefyre17 skyefyre17 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 19, 2009

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    It Was The Way For A While

    I have done a lot of things to cope with life this was one of the most impacting it started in 7th grade not a lot to keep it hidden it eventually turned into a day to day thing during freshmen year turning into a mix of branding ,cutting it was the only way for me to really feel...
    jasmlalm jasmlalm 16-17 2 Responses Aug 18, 2012

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    He Saved My Life By Killing Himself...

    Monday, January 30, 2012, at around 6 o'clock, my life fell apart. Well, before all that, I was depressed, because of my issues at home. Most people would just laugh and tell me how stupid I am, and that I was too young to be depressed. Well I was really depressed, so don't...
    Forever157 Forever157 13-15 1 Response Aug 9, 2012

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    Cant Live In The Past

    Ive had lots of issues like my mother's heart attack at 3, my fathers OD at 7, my family being a bunch of pot heads and drop outs. I am the only one whos gotten straight A's and I attend the top school in the state. Thing is, with all of that, my bisexuality, my depression, OCD...
    TheXProblematique TheXProblematique 18-21, M Mar 9, 2013

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    They Will Never Know Why I Did It

    i was like 13 when i stared to cutting myself.... i would get so mad and i would it if i wouldnt hurt someone i would hurt myself the first time people found out i was a cuter i was in 7th grade in class and something happen so i got a pencil and started to try to cut myself i...
    LowKeyLeidii LowKeyLeidii 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 3, 2012

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    Not So Much Anymore

    I am pretty sure I overreact to stressful situations. Today I missed a group meeting with a class-group for my Literature class. We were supposed to film a video today and I missed it. One girl from my group e-mailed me and told me where to meet and what time and everything but I...
    Hitshufflereplay Hitshufflereplay 18-21, F Apr 14, 2011

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    My Daughter Cuts

    I need help I just found out that my 13 year old daughter has been cutting herself and I have talked to her we have been to the doctor and pastor from our church . but she cut herself again last night. If you could give me ideals on how to protect her she is my baby and it hurts...
    mariea72 mariea72 36-40, F 3 Responses Dec 29, 2012

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    Trying To Start Over!

    I have been a cutter since the age 11 I am 19 now and as of November 2012 is when I finally quit. I started cutting because i was raped by someone close to me. Cutting helped a lot. I had this thing in my head that was telling me if he hurt my why shouldn't I hurt myself. I have...
    panther93 panther93 18-21, F Feb 11, 2013

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    Once Upon a Time...

    i began cutting at the age of ten. it led to many hospitol stays, even residential treatment. i have ugly scars in various places on my body...my last suicide attempt i cut and i hit an artery. then i started dating my best friend, hes wonderful, hes in the army and i miss him. i...
    SalymHurley SalymHurley 16-17, F 5 Responses Aug 14, 2009

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    Dancing With The Devil: Battling Temptation

      I don't remember exactly how old I was when I started cutting but I was pretty young.  I think I was 14 or 15. I know that by the age of 16, I was a regular cutter and by the age of 22, when I quit (for the most part, not counting minor relapses), I had a decent patchwork of...
    BrokenBear BrokenBear 26-30, F 2 Responses Jun 27, 2011

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    A Bit Of A Phase

    I did it for about a year in high school when i was dealing with an eating disorder. It would be my way of inflicting punishment upon myself. I would so often just lie on my bedroom floor and watch the blood run down myself and cry. I have scars on my arm, hip and all down my...
    letsholdhands letsholdhands 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 7, 2010

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