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I Am An Ex-cutter

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 415 People

    I Like The Pain.

    I enjoy cutting, and ever since I stopped, it just feels different. I've been mostly clean for about 2 months, but I still have my occasional moments. I just get such a rush from seeing the blood drip down my skin. I would use the same towel to clean up, and every time I filled...
    shadowvigilante shadowvigilante 18-21 2 Responses May 9, 2013

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    Seein Red

    I used to cut my self real bad on my arms and wrist and I think at the time I and everyone around me thought I wanted attention or I wad really trying to hurt myself and, hey the attention was a plus I guess, but.. I realized that I would be so angry in those moments of pure rage...
    criq333 criq333 31-35, M 1 Response Jul 25, 2013

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    It burns..... Right now.

    .............!!!!
    VeniceTheMenice VeniceTheMenice 31-35, F Mar 18

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    didn't cut for a year

    and then I relapsed a couple times a couple months ago, Ive never done it severely but it still scares me that I feel the need to cut.
    Merewiff Merewiff 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 21, 2014

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    Dont

    i had a friend, they didn't die but we fell out,....she showed me she cut herself, she was upset, i asked her why she said i couldn't understand,....and at that moment i pulled out my pocket knife took it to my arm, and started slicing,...right it front of her i kept cutting my...
    meryl007 meryl007 22-25, M 1 Response Feb 12, 2011

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    Hiding The Scars

    I want to get rid of my scars but sometimes I feel like thats what keeps me going like it reminds me you didn't die for a reason.... I found this really neat idea of putting a meaningful tattoo over it. Im not sure if I should do it. I always find my self hiding it or touvhing...
    mzmiztake mzmiztake 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 26, 2013

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    Started with 12, quitted

    when I was 15. It was pretty hard, but I could take drugs instead of cutting so I managed to stop. I didn't relapse. It's over. Finally.
    highfunctioningsocio highfunctioningsocio 16-17, M Apr 26, 2014

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    Story Time (why Today Is Special)

    On July 16, 2011, I fell victim to the blade once more and had a fourth cutting relapse. At this point in time, I was deeply, deeply depressed and highly self destructive. I hadn't yet learned the consequences of my actions. I had abandoned my retribution and gave in to the blade...
    ReesesPeaces ReesesPeaces 16-17, F 2 Responses Jul 16, 2012

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    Once Upon a Time...

    i began cutting at the age of ten. it led to many hospitol stays, even residential treatment. i have ugly scars in various places on my body...my last suicide attempt i cut and i hit an artery. then i started dating my best friend, hes wonderful, hes in the army and i miss him. i...
    SalymHurley SalymHurley 16-17, F 5 Responses Aug 14, 2009

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    I was cutting pretty bad from 20 a day to 90 a

    day all over my legs and arm and I did that for about 11 months I was covered in scars but most of them faded now I've been clean for 6 months besides one relapse on my right leg but it was barley over ten cuts… I miss the scars I had but I don't want to cut anymore....
    greenmonkeysoup greenmonkeysoup 16-17, F 2 Responses Aug 17, 2014

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    it's really annoying

    when ppl make a joke out of cutting....you don't know how to respond to people who make fun of it...:( I used to cut for a year and then it stopped but sometimes I still want to cut again so I'm now 2 months clean! its hard.....when you know it relieves the pain inside then...
    skullmo skullmo 13-15, F 1 Response Nov 21, 2014

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    January 22, 2010

    That was when I last cut myself. That was even a couple months before I stumbled upon EP. Before that, I had cut myself in the last days of September 2009. That was my second last time and they were both months apart. It was very apparent that I was making the very best...
    deadmoon deadmoon 18-21, F Dec 30, 2011

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    I have officially become 3 months cut-free.

    :) I need to go celebrate. :)
    mkmoore mkmoore 16-17, F 4 Responses Oct 4, 2014

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    The Only Way I Felt Sane.

    Like a sister to me my babysitter at the age of 19 died. I was in the 7th grade, that year was an alright year i guess you could say except fo the part i lost all of my closest friends to the popular kids, and i began to get bullied.. I think the worst part about being bullied...
    lonergirl123 lonergirl123 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 12, 2012

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    Ericsopher Ericsopher 26-30, M Mar 9, 2014

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    I started when I was 10.

    And it just progressed when I got older. I started cutting bad when I was 15/16. I even had my own special cutting serrated knife I would use. I hated my body and life. Cutting and getting high would help the pain. At least that's what I thought. I first started cutting on my...
    UnstableSammi UnstableSammi 22-25, F Aug 20, 2014

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    Finally Done

    I've wanted to quit for a long time, but finally, I have. I stopped in April. Once I pierced my lip, i promised myself, and my best friend tyler, that i would never cut again. and I haven't ever since
    MurderMichelle MurderMichelle 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 30, 2008

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    I haven't layed a knife to my wrists in 3 years.

    I used to cut every other day because nasty rumors were being spread about me and I didn't like anyone. Now I have very thin, white scars on both my left and rigbht arm, though more are on my right arm. You can barely even see them now. I'm glad that I still don't feel horrible...
    suzukipot suzukipot 16-17, F Dec 9, 2013

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    It Started When I.....

    attempted suicide. I slit my wrists at 15, long and deep slashes on both my wrists, the way it felt was amazing and unlike anything that had ever happened to me, it wasn't' painful like the abuse that my step dad dished out, it was a release, and I knew I would do it over and...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jul 19, 2010

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    I was an ex cutter, but I started again on

    Thursday and I already have 15 cuts. My best friend is trying to help me stop again but it's not helping, when I cut I don't feel the pain but I see the blood, and it causes me to do it more cause I wanna feel how the pain is even if I can't. I'm starting to get addicted to it...
    brownzugar brownzugar 16-17, M 2 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    7 Stitches

    I started cutting when i was 12. After seeing doctor, i also had a stomach olser for worrying so much, my mom was going threw a divorce with a disgusting man. He was perverted. Anyways, my 7th grade year i started dating the most popular guy. He was a twin, and i had actually...
    courtneyrena courtneyrena 13-15, F Mar 31, 2011

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    Carliza0425 Carliza0425 16-17 2 Responses Apr 17

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    This is my first time posting,

    hope this is ok. I will say I messed up and cut, for me cutting has been an 8 year battle and I do well 90% of the time, but tonight I screwed up.
    ksan02 ksan02 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 13

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    I haven't cut regularly in years,

    but lately life is really tough and depression is all encompassing. it's gotten really hard not to relapse. every day is a battle against the impulses i don't want to give in to. i just want a friend i can talk to who would encourage me when i'm trying not to give in. i would be...
    paradoxical paradoxical 22-25, F Dec 11, 2013

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    But The Music Helps..

    I used to cut, and music could make it better or worse. My friend wrote an amazing song called "Lines on Skin" you should all go to youtube and look up "Lines on Skin" by Samantha Chapman. Amazing and empowering lyrics.
    lynnirose lynnirose 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 16, 2013

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    Amy1MM Amy1MM 18-21, F 6 Responses Nov 15, 2014

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    The Habbit Stoped

    I am 14 years old and I used to be a very bad cutter I have scars all over my arms because nobody accepted me the way I am people would make fun of me all the time and push me around and called me Emo I had a boyfriend that I loved very much we where together for one year then he...
    josey888 josey888 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 29, 2013

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    Once You Tell Some One Or They Find Out Everything Changes

    One day i was sitting in class like always when one of my friends leaned towards me and asked what was on my hand. I made up some lame excus she didn't believe. My cutting had gotten so bad that i was taking razors to school and slicing my hands open several times. I wasn't...
    Unknown012 Unknown012 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 20, 2009

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    Hidden For Years...

    I am 41 years old and I still at times feel the need to cut myself I have been doing it for over twenty years.... My ex-wife always made me feel ashamed of it. But it was my coping mechanism when times got too much for me. I try different methods now as opposed to cutting myself...
    Jah70 Jah70 41-45, M 2 Responses Aug 7, 2012

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    Ashamed Of My Scars

    I have visible scars from cutting and I'm quite ashamed of them. I started in highschool, during sophmore year, and continued for around 5-6 years. It has landed me in the hospital a couple of times, and years of therapy where I'm convinced I've wasted my therapists' time. I was...
    ck000 ck000 18-21, F 9 Responses Jun 26, 2010

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    my arms bears numerous scars from cutting from

    the past. I have a name on my arm, I carved it with a razor blade, i carved the name of a girl I was in love with. I did it when she dumped me.
    voslung voslung 36-40, M Aug 12, 2014

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    The First Time I Took My Shirt Off In Front Of You

    I slid the black fabric of my blouse Off my arms revealing The pale ladder of scars. I never referenced them directly I told you, I was lost once. I said I did things once because They helped me survive Who I am as a Person. You didn't say anything. Instead you took your hand and...
    Deweybird0016 Deweybird0016 16-17, F Nov 7, 2012

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    Even Now

    Even now I get upset...and I know wh ere I want to turn.Noth ing so proper as tattering myself.Pile my wish es, watch  me burn.Even now I want so badlyto let my pain flow out of my skin,mixing in with  my blood to give me release.But I can not stop once I beginMy paradox...
    SheCanMakeHellFeelJustLikeHome SheCanMakeHellFeelJustLikeHome 18-21, F Jan 30, 2011

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    I'm an ex-cutter, burner actually.

    I was on a medication on at the time that caused severe depression. The moods I went into were terrible. Even after a suicide attempt the doctor refused to take me off it. I started burning after that because the suicidal thoughts wouldn't stop and I needed an outlet. Eventually...
    Notthateasy Notthateasy 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 5, 2014

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    It only took five minutes to change

    that fact. Five minutes destroyed being 8 months cut free.
    Nooneknowsmythoughts Nooneknowsmythoughts 18-21, F Jun 27, 2014

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    I have not cut in almost 5 years

    when someone says you will struggle with your addiction for the rest of your life its true. I know I needed to stop and I am proud of myself for doing so but sometimes it feels like apart of me is missing since I quit and I just want that piece back. I became a very active...
    Unknown012 Unknown012 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 12

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    Constant Struggle

    I used to cut myself when I was first around 12 as a means of escape from the emotional neglect from my parents and verbal sibling abuse I received as a young almost teenager. I tried to talk to my mother about my feelings instead of cutting but she really would not listen to...
    EpericDusk EpericDusk 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 8, 2013

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    I Have Finally Started To Heal...

    I have cut for nearly five years now and 22 days ago today I stopped cutting. I guess I'm not an "ex-cutter" yet but I'm working on it. I have been doing the butterfly project and that's what honestly saved me. My parents dont know I used to cut, none of my family does. I have...
    WishesAreGone WishesAreGone 16-17, F Apr 1, 2012

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    When i cut myself i always knew it would hurt

    more than the pain i was actually feeling but the thing was i didn't cut my Arms i cut my legs every day i cut myself for almost a year until one day i collapsed from blood loss and during school so it attracted a lot of attention the worst part was my mom had absolutely no clue...
    Kitry Kitry 13-15, F 1 Response Sep 27, 2014

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    I'm 16 years old and I started cutting at the

    age of 12 after my mom passed away i was a whole year clean until the other night. But hey recovery means you will have relapses here and then!
    briannabailey briannabailey 16-17, F 1 Response Feb 9

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    Dancing With The Devil: Battling Temptation

      I don't remember exactly how old I was when I started cutting but I was pretty young.  I think I was 14 or 15. I know that by the age of 16, I was a regular cutter and by the age of 22, when I quit (for the most part, not counting minor relapses), I had a decent patchwork of...
    BrokenBear BrokenBear 26-30, F 2 Responses Jun 27, 2011

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    Been clean for about a month,

    and I try my hardest to keep it that way. Maybe this time I'll stop for real and start living..
    ginawexler ginawexler 13-15, F 2 Responses Oct 5, 2014

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    today my ex-best friend,

    who has been mocking me a lot and talking behind my back because I had existential depression (she didnt know I cut) and has never said sorry has decided to do a speech about self harm and depression to the whole school...I don't know how I will be able to cope with her talking...
    skullmo skullmo 13-15, F Dec 4, 2014

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    It's been almost a year

    since I went to that.
    careuhambur careuhambur 16-17, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    I started when I was 16.

    I did it once, and promised myself I would never do it again. But of course, I did. It was a very dark time of my life. I was just so unhappy. I thought I was worthless, ugly, fat ... Pointless. My mum had an awful boyfriend. He was vile. And he controlled her, and she was...
    ImpossibleHeart ImpossibleHeart 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 2, 2014

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