I should change my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me.
Are you sure you can handle another glass of wine?
Maturity starts when drama ends.
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them.
The police call it "indecent exposure" but whatever...
Being exactly who I am. Awkward. Moody. Focused. Sensitive. Sarcastic. But dope. As ****.
I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig...
It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.
I am now, have always been, and will always be a smartass. I got beat for it as a kid, and I see no reason I should stop now. I speak sarcasm as a second language.
i really hate this happen in my marriage . i dont dream a perfect man with handsome face, unlimited money, showering me with fancy stuff. no no no
what i want is a man who...
Let me check my giveashitometer.
Top 5 craziest women:
you don't like me? Wait hold that thought...I can't seem to find a **** to give...
Better being a smartass than a dumb one
Don't be easy to define. Let them wonder about you.
If you show me you don't give a ****, I'll show you I'm better at it.
Alcohol is the liquid version of Photoshop.
How to tell someone that their breath stinks without hurting their feelings: "Well, I'm bored, let's go brush our teeth!"
I am a proud single mother of four.That in itself is stressful. If I had to describe my parenting skills, I'd have to say "Old School" and because it's just me... They know that...
It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.
I have had good opportunities in my education because my father takes it seriously.I put a great effort into taking the opportunities and ensuring I have a future despite my recent...
weird people are the best. normal is dull. who wants normal friends?
i love my artist friends. weird is creative
i love my musical friends. amazing tallent and drive.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and have them all to yourself?
Well, apparently that is called kidnapping.
Just remember "Ehh... it's Friday" is a valid excuse for almost anything today.
Don't stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It's natures way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.
He is on here. He can be fun to talk to, but can also be super annoying. Idc if he sees this because we aren't really on good terms right now. He tried hitting on my friend, but...
I can't help it! My mom gets so mad at me when I made a sarcastic comment because she can't differentiate between being serious and joking around 🙄
Yeah. I have to admit that I am pretty much of a smart ***, but only with friends. I like to make puns, use double entendre and make wise cracks to respond to either my friends...
Go ahead, make my day...and show me your boobs.
Anemoia - nostalgia for a time you've never known.
Alexithymia - difficulty describing feelings to other people
I'm sorry I didn't answer my phone when you called. I don't use it for that.
That awkward moment when you are not sure if you actually have free time, or you're just forgetting everything.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I'll be there.
I may not be skinny, but I'm freaking awesome and that's basically the same thing.
I befriended the devil.
Yeah, why fight the devil and waste all your energy?
So, I tried to befriend it instead. That's what smart women do, after all.
The man in the...
People who create their own drama deserve their own Karma.
Considering "natural" childbirth? You wouldn't have a tooth pulled without painkillers, right? This is an 8 lbs tooth. From your crotch.
I will never not be confused when someone tells me they forgot to eat. Like, how do you do that!? Food is definitely in the top three reasons I get through my day lmao