It was night time when me and my cousin decided that we want to ride a bike at the park not the ideal time i know ,but desires should be met with satisfaction i guess . It has been...
I have spent 3 years on and off with my ex. When we first dated it was 5 months of joy, then she broke up with me a week before we moved into a new place. I was crushed and...
To my new friends,
Not sure if any of you will find this helpful, but figured I'd just give a play-by-play on how I am handling the situation my DUI.
Brief overview: I received a...
What can you say? If there were no smartasses, this world would be full of dumbasses. All hail the smartasses!
We met online, March 2014....We've both been married for over 20+ years..both have children, and a life, yet she is unhappy in her marriage, and there are things in my marriage...
Much of my work day is spent staring out my window amazed at nature and day dreaming. There's a bird nest in the tree so I often wonder "If I could fly who would I **** on first?"
As self conscious as a lot of women are they still courageously wear bikinis that expose 90% of their body. And we men, kind and polite as we are, don't want to make women...
Well I haven't written it yet but it started building up in a reply to a fellow veterans message on fb. It's about the 1000 yard stare, I'm having problems with it's rhythm or...
Selfies? Selfies? I grew up in a time when that meant something totally different and you didn't share it with anyone. My neck hurts just thinking about it. Ba Duh Bump!!
Shake it all you want but that Magic 8 Ball was right about you 99% of the time.
Boring, introverted, dumb and silent are not my type. I need a 3 ring circus, intelligent, funny as hell, smartass who can find a party in the boring daily grind!
my sister always asks me what I'm eating... food, what does it look like?
I got it from my dad and he got it from George Carlin and other comedians of his time.
To err is human; but to blame it on someone else obviously makes you President of the United States.
I asked God for a riding lawn mower but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole my elderly neighbors lawn mower then asked God for forgiveness.
Relatively speaking ant hills are just as big as pyramids and ants build them everyday. Humans need to get over themselves.
I'm a Sagittarius. ..what do u expect?
Lost my watch at the club and saw a guy step on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to him and beat the crap out of him. Nobody does that to a girl, not on my watch :/
I love being sarcastic and I actually consider it a strength. it has come to my attention that a lot of people don't like it, especially when your 36 and it isn't 'cute' anymore. I...
I had the most incredible, fun filled, and truly wonderful day yesterday. I had the chance to hit the NYS fair with my guys on the fair's first ever Pride day. We spent the...
Energy saving tip: This winter if you're house is cold, instead of turning on the heat go stand in the corner. It's usually around 90 degrees.
I love music. Nothing beats a beautiful woman with a great singing voice?
Except Chris Brown of course.
*Talking to a friend*
Teacher: repeat what I just said
Me: repeat what I just said
Thinking before I speak? Lol a long process in the making but I can be such a smartass and most of the time there's no reason smh or because that person just opened the door for it...
Yes, I am. Except I'm not a ***, I'm a frog. So, I'm a smart frog. There was no group for that, so I will go with a ***. Yes, I am very smart.
Who am i? i will tell you.
I am a very honest person, i also am a smartass, have a very dirty mind and i think a good sense of humor. I don't pretend to be who i am not. I don't...
It was the only teacher I'd ever had a problem with, especially a lit teacher.
Back in high school when I was still being shuffled between my adoptive (amish) side and my birth...
my niece told me her teacher said she needs 3 books from the public library not the school library and I told her to say that her school is a public school so technically the...
I don't try to be but I'm honest and I speak my mind . My mouth is my biggest problem but honestly if you can't handle what I have to say then you shouldn't be talking to me . I am...
And I am an ever bigger Dumb *** sometimes.
I want to get a pig and name it Kevin, just so I can call him Kevin Bacon.
If you're going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you're just an ***.
I said to my wife, "It smells like Upsexy in here" She said, "What's Upsexy?" I said, "Nothing much" :)
Where do I begin? Sarcasm is the cornerstone of my existence. If I don't insult you playfully first thing in the morning, you aren't my friend.
Reminder to all who would read this: This fanfiction is about Sword Art Online. It takes place in GGO(Gun Gale Online)2 months before the events of season 2 and will feature some...
Uncle Voldy : Knock Knock
Harry : Who is there?
Uncle Voldy : You Know
Harry : You Know Who?
Uncle Voldy : EXACTLY!