Mom: Quit being such a smartass
Me: Me? A Smartass? Pfft never. Besides butts aren't smart.
Smartass is better than a dumbass
fellow smartasses, what jokes/feelings if any does the name 'Lando' make you come up with? is it too weird?
I can't stand when people can't dish it out but can't take it from others! If you don't want me to be a SMARTASS or sarcastic we just shouldn't be friends.
School Security: Do you have anything illegal in your back pack?
Me: Yeah. My mobile meth lab.
Me; I'm the schools meth dealer sorry
Security: *opens back pack...
my mom comes home from work and goes and sits in the living room.
me: "the dog threw up on the living room rug today"
mom: "did you clean it up?"
me: "is it still there?"
She told me to do this......
So I did it
For that reason, I am still single
My rear end is so smart, it can critique your movie!
I've been sacked from my job.
Or as I prefer to think of it, I'm on eternity leave.
Humanity is losing its geniuses. Aristotle died, Newton passed away, Einstein died, and I'm not feeling well today...
It's not that I hate you...wait no... I do... I hate you -_-
Oh I was wrong??? I apologize... UNFUCK you :)))
Them : I hope you have a good day
Me : I hope I have a good day too
Hey can I high-five your face???
And so is my daughter......
Tonight, as I pull into the drive, I notice the amount of snow on the driveway and walkway.
I said to my girl, sitting beside me in the truck, "I want...
i didnt mean to offend you, sorry im only mean to people i love or hate
I'm not a racist, nor do I discriminate. I hate everyone equally.
When you hear a doctor ask a patient: "does your heart beat regularly?" And the patient replies: "no, it stops after 8pm. Mine's just lazy like that."
Hahahaha oh my god.
I would much rather be a smart *** than a dumb *** or a kiss ***. lol
Yesterday my friend said "yay it's finally Christmas season! Rudolph the red nosed reindee-" *SLAP* "No ***** this is thanksgiving."
What are you thankful for? Who are the friends and loved ones you will be with?
If you fall into the other category such as myself. What are you doing to keep busy to not even...
How come society makes us feel bad for thinking out the box when all the time it's made up to control us. Come play at secreterotica . com it's sexy, fun the groups and library are...
A teacher got mad cuz I was going to the bathroom and I dust have a pass and she waited out side the bathroom for an hour and when I came out she ready to go to the office" I said...
My daughter kills me......
She had a Social test in school.....one of the questions she didn't know the answer to.
She wrote down 'Jesus' and put beside it (Jesus is always the...
...so anyway I heard that a new Star wars movie will be coming out next December.
Now the rumour is that Lia, Solo and Luke will be in it played by the same original cast. Carrie...
Men if you can't control your woman then you've found a good one!!!!
i went to a psychiatrist today. he told me. i had a split personality and charged me 160 ?. i gave him 80?, and told to get the rest from the other *******.
"Hey doc, when Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?"
I'm in shape. Round is a shape
I actually get that a lot, especially when I am in school.
Maturity has taught me to keep these thoughts to myself most of the time. Except with my father-in-law. I do not enjoy his company so I have no problem letting loose on him. LOL
HOLY COOKIES. I GOT THE HIGHEST SCIENCE SCORE IN MY YEAR WITH 93% :D
**** yeah! xD
Why do Drive-Up ATM's have brail on the buttons?
I can be really sassy I like to get my way one way or another and I tend to be alittle but if a trouble maker and sometimes I'm alittle disobedient ;)
If I wanted your opinion, I would give it to you! Lol.
I'm a self-taught optician. I printed out an eye chart and read all the instructions so that's it.
"Doc, my kleptomania problem with small computer devices is getting way out of hand. What can I do?"
"Keep taking the tablets."
Me and my mom were baking pies for thanksgiving
Mom: Scoop it around the edge.
Me: It's a circle Mom, it has no edges
Mom: Well at least I'm in shape.
Me: I'm in shape...
This is the sound of my childhood.One of my dad's most redeeming qualities was his love of music,and he would become very playful and kind indeed when the ISB records...
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