I Am Awesome, Dude

I'm getting deported. They're sending me back to my native country. I'm from Antarctica originally. They're sending me back on the next flight to the South Pole. I didn't mean to enter the U.S. illegally. I was standing on the edge...

Only, when I say it people think I'm joking. I just got off the phone with someone. When I heard my phone go off, I thought, What? I have a call? Someone's actually contacting me? =O
"I miss you," she says.
"Yeah. That's because I'm...

I am lost to the world
with which I used to waste so much time,
It has heard nothing from me for so long
that it may very well believe that I am dead!

It is of no consequence to me
Whether it thinks me dead;
I cannot deny it...

For the last year I had arrayed myself as comfortably as possible like Robinson Crusoe on my lonely island. When I look back at that lonely year from the perplexities and pressure of the present, it seems to me like a beautiful and...

I lived as a closeted dolphin for many years. I decided it was time to come out, and in the year 2004 I announced publicly that I am not really a dolphin--just a pathetic little mental patient. I hurt so many people in my life as a...

REFERRAL QUESTION:Mr. Freedman was referred for psychological evaluation to better determine a differential diagnosis. He reports having "personality difficulties in such a way that is nothing like what I've seen in others." His "unique...

The following is pages 187-201 of the record on appeal in Freedman v. D.C. Dept. Human Rights, D.C.C.A. no. 96-CV-961 (Sept. 1, 1998). Upon my termination by the law firm of Akin, Gump, Strauss, Hauer & Feld on October 29, 1991, I...

[interviewer]: I suppose you’re frequently asked how you got to be a Messiah.
[Jesus Christ]: As a matter of fact, I’m asked that question quite often. You know, I started out in stand up. But, it's not easy, comedy. Sometimes...

After all these years people still ask me about Johnny Bloomer. "You actually knew Johnny Bloomer," they say. Yes, I knew Johnny Bloomer, from his earliest days. Johnny Bloomer grew up in the mean streets of the south side of Chicago in...

The INTJ personality type is one of the rarest and most interesting types – comprising only about 2% of the U.S. population (INTJ females are especially rare – just 0.8%), INTJs are often seen as highly intelligent and...

UNCLE LEO: Jerry!
JERRY: Uncle Leo!
UNCLE LEO: I was meaning to tell you, your cousin Jeffrey just got back. You know where he was?
JERRY: (to George, sarcastically:) Jeffrey loves animals. He loves nature.
UNCLE LEO: Africa. He was in...

So, what ails?
Nothing and everything.Could you tell me about that ”nothing and everything?”
Not really. I feel a sort of malaise. It’s always with me. It’s always been with me, I suppose. I don’t feel much of anything.What do...

The George Washington University Medical CenterDepartment of Psychiatry2150 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W.Washington, D.C. 20037September 24, 1992PSYCHIATRIC ASSESSMENTPATIENT: Gary FreedmanDATE OF ASSESSMENT: [9-8-92/9-15-92]CLINICIAN NAME...