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I Am Bipolar

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 5,050 People

    I was recently diagnosed with this disorder.

    I guess I've had it for a while, but the symptoms did not match until recently. I made many risky decisions during my manic stages, like spending too much money, when I am normally very frugal, and I thought I was invincible. Now I am in the "mixed stage". I am not super...
    heiseyjulia heiseyjulia 22-25 4 Responses Sep 18, 2014

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    I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling.

    Everyone's voices sound so far away. My eyelids are heavy and I am curled in a ball. I can't move. I have go be still. If I am still nothing bad can happen. If I move the trail of fog and hatred will follow me like a shadow. I won't let it follow me. It consumes me too much . it...
    danielle18 danielle18 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 5

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    I'm Bipolar, Not A Killer.

    I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 7 years ago.  My meds have changed several times and the stuff I’m taking right now seems to be doing its job with minimal side effects.  My only problem is my family, they…treat me differently now, like they...
    ImNotGood ImNotGood 31-35, F 151 Responses Jun 6, 2010

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    La-la-love Latuda! I truly

    and honestly believed that I was never going to get better. I had had success with Lamictal and Geodon as far as controlling the mania and mixed episodes, but I still suffered from totally and completely crippling depression and anxiety. We had tried everything short of ECT...
    SeaOfMonsters SeaOfMonsters 26-30, F 7 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    Bipolar

    I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 18. I was having a bible study with my girlfriend and her family when all of a sudden my personality just went from 0 to 60. I was super happy and energetic. I felt great. On my way home I was talking to people and even myself...
    groundshaker groundshaker 26-30, M 2 Responses Nov 1, 2012

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    I just want to leave this town

    and travel far away, just leave everything behind and start something new.
    lolitaxx1971 lolitaxx1971 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 19

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    Ever since I took my new doctor's advise

    and stopped smoking, my life hasn't been amusing as it was. I stopped talking to most of my friends, I stopped having sex, I even sold my late driver's house. Soon after that, I became a total nut case! Thinking about what I did in the past and how I've ruined so many lives...
    InnocentPigeon InnocentPigeon 70+ Mar 7

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    Please someone talk to me.

    I really need a friend. I'm sick of living like this. I don't want to do this for the rest of my life, can't control myself, can't control my emotions, I explode on people, they resent me - if only they knew, inside my head, the demons that exist. They beat me up, they laugh at...
    happycupcake happycupcake 22-25, F 8 Responses Nov 17, 2014

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    I am bipolar, I always knew it

    but was officially diagnosed with type 1 and 2,a month ago. it's really intense so I do take medication for it.I still get agitated sometimes but they do work. I haven't had a manic episode or been depressed. bipolar disorder is a real mental illness, I hate when people are just...
    FantasyKitty FantasyKitty 18-21, F 1 Response 3 hrs ago

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    What no one seems to talk much about is

    that there's a kind of psychological purgatory that exists somewhere in between the high points and the end of your rope. Those moments when you want to do nothing more than to run from yourself! We have a laundry list of triggers that catapult the slide into what feels like an...
    honestcloud honestcloud 26-30, F Oct 2, 2014

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    mellowwwave mellowwwave 26-30, F 1 Response Dec 15, 2014

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    I'm not sure if anyone has shared this

    but I found Dr.Roger Sparhawks book, calm seas to be extremely informative on bipolar. with years of clinicals under his belt he described bipolar in a way that I could understand only occasionally having to look up what he was talking about. his knowledge on the subject led me...
    AllOutWar AllOutWar 22-25, M 1 Response Feb 26

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    Bipolar, But Without The Fun

    I've been diagnosed with Bipolar II, which they tell me is bipolar with only mild mania, but deeper depressions. Who knows if that's what I truly am, I've been misdiagnosed so many times, but it seems true. I've been coming down from a slight manic run, and the depression is...
    shygrl85 shygrl85 22-25, F 14 Responses Feb 15, 2010

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    So its been 6 days that I've been on my meds.

    I feel amazing. No more rage, no more depression, no more mania (feeling like im so damn hyper and ready to go jump off a building for fun). I feel so calm. I can think more clearly. I can concentrate. Things dont bother me like they use to. Its just crazy how much a difference...
    WickedlilAngel WickedlilAngel 31-35, F 4 Responses Jan 24

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    And I wish I could change it.

    There is still so much to understand. The guilt of pain caused. Wanting to run and hide. Seeing it unfold before your eyes and can't stop. If the white lab coats really cared they should speak the truth. We are not a forgotten people. Dented pride in actions of loved...
    complex7 complex7 31-35, F 5 Responses Mar 18

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    Honestly I have no idea

    if I am ...I just know that sth is wrong. Every few months I just get really depressed for at least a week or two. I have no idea what triggers it , it just happens and I start feeling worthless, alone, tired of life and helpless. Those days I feel like everyday I m just...
    ladymerylin ladymerylin 18-21, F Feb 13

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    I am getting treatment

    for possible bipolar disorder after a second extremely depressive episode inside of a year. The thing is.. my psychiatrist said that he is not ready to make a diagnosis yet, so who knows if I really am. He put me on 150mg and now 300mg Lithium Carbonate, all I notice is it makes...
    TheRedsGoMarchingIn TheRedsGoMarchingIn 18-21, M 6 Responses Feb 18

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    It's like a war in my head.

    ..i start being suicidal and then fir no reason i switch to a hyperactive state ...idk what the hell is going on...idk who i am....
    anderlr anderlr 13-15, M 3 Responses Feb 18

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    I'm starting to believe

    that the doctor might be right about me having bipolar disorder. I had a really good 3 weeks and then today I crashed for no reason. I hadn't been suicidal or wanted to hurt myself. I was creative and happy. I was social. Now I keep thinking "I wish I were dead" and I hate when...
    thornedrose thornedrose 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 18

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    It feels like i´m 2 different people bottled

    inside on a single body....i feel depressed 50% of the time and in the other 50% i just feel angry,sadistic and crazy....
    anderlr anderlr 13-15, M 1 Response Feb 13

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    Bring on the trauma triggered tidal waves of ups

    and downs. This is gonna suck...as though naturally flying high and crashing isn't hard enough...lets add a devastating family breakup to the mix. I just want to destroy everything in my path and hide in a dark hole at the same time.
    BrokenOneX BrokenOneX 31-35 3 Responses Feb 27

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    Bipolar is not psychotic I was first diagnosed

    with just depression & anxiety when i left home for college. Got on antidepressant meds. Didnt stay consistent with the meds til i was older. Once the meds were making steady improvement my new doctor thought i was having mania symptoms because i talked about some unrealistic...
    stufy stufy 46-50 1 Response May 26, 2014

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    Wish My Brain Would Shut The Hell Up!

    Yep...i'm bipolar.  Bipolar 1, manic depressive if we want to get clinical.  It royally sucks.  Can't really put a sugar coating on what it is.  I was diagnosed right before I started a 2 year prison sentence.  I'd embezzled mass amounts of money from a company I had worked...
    m2extreme m2extreme 31-35, F 13 Responses Apr 26, 2011

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    Well the new meds they put me on had a very

    serious side effect, extreme excessive thirst. Which if I didnt retain fluid and took it off like a normal person it would be no big deal. But I have slight heart damage. It makes me retain fluid some. With the meds I was drinking 3-4x the normal amount. I gained 34lbs in a week...
    WickedlilAngel WickedlilAngel 31-35, F 4 Responses Feb 7

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    I ran out of meds for a

    while in between doctors recently, so I got a stuffed mammoth and named it Klonopin. My anti-anxiety mammoth.
    rainallthedays rainallthedays 31-35, F Sep 7, 2014

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    Don't ever feel good enough to have my gf.

    It's like a dark cloud that I can't escape no matter how hard I try. Even on medication I still get this feeling
    HarrySavage96 HarrySavage96 18-21, M 5 days ago

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    I've been dealing with this

    for over 10 years now, most of this time I have been in a dark hole. It went as far as me losing all hope and even forgetting who I am, who I used to be before my depression. Recently I have been able to see some light. It's not easy, and I have bad days but I have after 10...
    lily449 lily449 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 6

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    Rapid cycler variety.

    Med resistant too. Made worse by seroquel.
    convertihd convertihd 46-50, M 1 Response Mar 17

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    Let me start the post by saying thank you to

    BrokenOneX here on ep. She said she suspects I'm bipolar so I did some research and I have more than enough signs proving her statement. I also found out my father and grandfather are bipolar and it's genetic. Now I'm aware of it and know what I need to fix next time I see a...
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 6 Responses Dec 7, 2014

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    It'S Who I Am !

    Learned I was bipolar about 3yrs ago I'm very different as I allways knew but sorta good way. I will try to make anyone laugh smile fit in. I'm prolly to open with life I will spill my guts to whoever will listen. I will try to find the good in anyone till prove me wrong. I'm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Nov 27, 2013

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    I M Bipolar

    Without medication i have racing speech, anxiety attacks, i wont sleep, and have lots of energy. I am taking meds and they are working for me. I go to a support group call DBSA (depression, bipolar support alliance) . I have friends that understand my mental illness. The...
    starship33 starship33 36-40, F 8 Responses Nov 6, 2012

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    Well I never thought I would be here.

    But I am. In the start of this year I had a depression episode that scared me so bad. So I turned to my parents finally and ask to go to the doctors. Turns out, I am Bipolar. Ever since I turned 5 I knew there was something wrong with me. I felt like I was two different sides...
    AllTheEmotions AllTheEmotions 18-21, M 3 days ago

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    I Am Not Bipolar, I Have Bipolar

    I want to start by explaining my story title. If you have Diabetes you are not Diabetes, you have Diabetes. Similarly I am not Bipolar, I have Bipolar. My story starts when I was very young, so I have no idea if I was born with Bipolar, or just developed it later. I can...
    ManiacalTom ManiacalTom 31-35, M Sep 7, 2012

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    These last couple of days have been the worst

    of my life, I found a lump in my underarm, I was worried but enough to go to the doc, but not that much. Cancer goes in my family, but I mean I'm 21.. I didn't seriously think of it. My sister yelled at me and called me a bunch of things for worrying enough to even go to the doc...
    lily449 lily449 18-21, F 10 hrs ago

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    SeaOfMonsters SeaOfMonsters 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 5

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    Being a Bipolar Student

    I have been officially diagnosed as being Bipolar I for a little over three years. As I have gotten older my symptoms and cycles have continually progressed and become more difficult to control or recognize. Luckily, I have an amazingly supportive family, and I have been...
    themanicmind themanicmind 22-25, F 12 Responses Mar 2, 2009

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    Does anyone take lamictil?

    I upped my dose to 100 mg a week ago and I have been having crying spells everyday and so depressed I don't want to get out of bed. I have been told by many to give it time and I have also heard the drug has worked wonders I just want other peoples experiences.
    final666 final666 22-25, F 6 days ago

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    I've hit my low point again I don't think it's

    been this bad in a while Every time I'm alone I start crying I'm losing my head right now I can't take this anymore
    LuiGina LuiGina 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 11

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    One minute I want to run in a field of flowers,

    the next I want to put a bullet through my head... it ruins anything and everything. I'm incapable of happiness.. at first I felt I needed to hide myself away from everyone because of it now I'm just antisocial, it seems like every time I try to do what I think is right it turns...
    Britt4ny Britt4ny 70+, F 2 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    Woke up berating myself

    for choices made years and years ago. Things that would have changed everything or nothing about who I am now. Calling myself names, feeling like an idiot and and a loser and hating myself for every misstep, mistake and stupid choice I ever made. I haven't even had coffee yet, I...
    omgwut omgwut 41-45, M 2 Responses Mar 13

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    Acceptance

    I am a diagnosed BiPolar II. And also dual diagnosis with many other associated types of dissorders, anxiety-panic-border personality-etc.    I was diagnosed at 16 but went off meds at about 18. I am now 31 and only last year have sought help for these issues. Am...
    KarmaKatcher KarmaKatcher 31-35, F 15 Responses Jun 18, 2007

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    So for the first time in my life I sought

    treatment for bipolar. I was put on meds. I gotta say. Damn I wish I'd of done this yrs ago! I feel calm. I don't feel that rage or depression or like im about to go fly off a building for fun. lol I just feel normal! The last few days have been the calmest I've ever been in my...
    WickedlilAngel WickedlilAngel 31-35, F 4 Responses Jan 22

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    Yesterday. Was a sad day

    for me. Finding out that I'm bipolar. Know everyone thinks it's a mental disorder. Was the hardest part.to know that it would be impossible for me to even TRY to normal... Because if someone found out. They would look at me like I'm i special needs person. And whisper to other...
    brokendreamsbrokenhearts brokendreamsbrokenhearts 16-17, F 4 Responses a week ago

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    Manic episode just came to a screeching halt.

    ..WTF do I do?? People are being so distant! More like WTF did I do? I have no self confidence & can't take it much longer! Help!
    IrisRays IrisRays 36-40, F 4 Responses Dec 19, 2014

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    I Have an Illness One you cannot see - it's

    invisible unless you know where to look One you cannot hear - unless you listen very closely One you cannot feel - unless you truly know the person who's suffering or have been there yourself I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety back in 2009, then bipolar...
    Aelfwynn Aelfwynn 26-30, F 4 Responses Mar 2, 2014

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    Confused, distraught,

    helpless, alone, judged, restless, tired, wired, but most of all frightened. I don’t know how to process that I have a disease that has no cure. A disease I will have to live with for the rest of my life. A disease that I will take a cocktail of medication for that is...
    Isabellarose94 Isabellarose94 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 30

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