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I Am Bipolar

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 5,278 People

    I've been doing good

    but today I'm crawling. Bipolar disorder is a full time job, no one understands it expect others with a mood disorder. Families have empathy for physical illness. But when it comes to a mood disorder because your sick they just think your lazy. I am looking after a wife with...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Jul 10

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    A Short Narrative of a Manic Episode

        I was walking up to my high school’s football field as all of the school stood in the bleachers waiting for me but I had come up from behind to where the cheerleaders and dance team were. I remember one girl yelling, “Hey Scott...
    Scottsimdb Scottsimdb 18-21 35 Responses Apr 28, 2009

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    Converted Converted 46-50, M 4 Responses Jun 24

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    So close... four more hours

    until going to a mental health program intake. Meaning I will soon be seeing a real psychiatrist who has time to actually get to know me, unlike the ones in mental hospitals who have spent at most 30 min with me. I seriously feel like throwing up... I have had nausea every day...
    mofo33 mofo33 18-21, F 2 Responses Aug 19

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    So its been 6 days that I've been on my meds.

    I feel amazing. No more rage, no more depression, no more mania (feeling like im so damn hyper and ready to go jump off a building for fun). I feel so calm. I can think more clearly. I can concentrate. Things dont bother me like they use to. Its just crazy how much a difference...
    WickedlilAngel WickedlilAngel 31-35, F 3 Responses Jan 24

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    One minute I want to run in a field of flowers,

    the next I want to put a bullet through my head... it ruins anything and everything. I'm incapable of happiness.. at first I felt I needed to hide myself away from everyone because of it now I'm just antisocial, it seems like every time I try to do what I think is right it turns...
    Britt4ny Britt4ny 70+, F 2 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    My dearest friend is sick,

    I was trying to be there for her but my impulsive personality got in the way and caused her pain. I'm torn by the agony of guilt. We both thought by visiting her would give her some relief, I just made things even worse. A long time ago, I built a wall around myself to keep my...
    Nohope12 Nohope12 31-35, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Bipolar is not psychotic I was first diagnosed

    with just depression & anxiety when i left home for college. Got on antidepressant meds. Didnt stay consistent with the meds til i was older. Once the meds were making steady improvement my new doctor thought i was having mania symptoms because i talked about some unrealistic...
    stufy stufy 51-55 1 Response May 26, 2014

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    I'm Bipolar, Not A Killer.

    I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 7 years ago.  My meds have changed several times and the stuff I’m taking right now seems to be doing its job with minimal side effects.  My only problem is my family, they…treat me differently now, like they...
    ImNotGood ImNotGood 31-35, F 149 Responses Jun 6, 2010

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    I get very very high

    and then I crash. I hate when I crash.
    lovelinessbathes lovelinessbathes 31-35, M 5 Responses Apr 7, 2014

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    raffelle raffelle 56-60, T 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I hate being bipolar like I love my boyfriend

    or even being with ppl the next min I hate everyone ugh it's so annoying
    rainyday10 rainyday10 22-25, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    How do you deal with this

    when you're stuck in a place where people pretend like it doesn't exist?! I have had some awesome progression when allowed to flourish in my own element but since they refuse to acknowledge the illness or my personal progress with it, as well as the events that lead to it...
    WarriorsHeart WarriorsHeart 22-25, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    The Gifts Of Bipolar

    What is the nature of disability? What does the idea mean? It is a statistical concept, I think. Which is to say, it is a measure of comparison. We can only be “disabled” in comparison to a group of others who have more ability on this particular measure. Everyone can be...
    wundayatta wundayatta 56-60, M 13 Responses Feb 21, 2012

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    omgwut omgwut 41-45, M 2 Responses May 20

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    My dr upped my dose of Latuda to 160 an began

    to slowly taper off the Geodon at my request because Geodon give me extrapyramidal side effects. I made it Dow to 40mg, but I'm absolutely miserable. I feel depressed and angry and anxious. Nothing makes me happy. So I sleep as much as possible, all day, to avoid my feelings...
    SeaOfMonsters SeaOfMonsters 26-30, F 1 Response Aug 18

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    Finally, after like three weeks of sucky up

    and down I could feel the calm coming on... and today I woke up calm and have remained so for the today. Still a bit tired but considering everything, that is not too bad LIke, I actually have had an appetite today,so eating wasnt miserable like it has been, and was able to...
    mofo33 mofo33 18-21, F Aug 20

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    I'm thinking about trying to go medicine free

    now. I've had a break from the bad depression and I was able to keep myself from committing suicide for 5 years without meds before. I think that I could do it again now that I've had a period where things weren't so bad. I still have suicidal thoughts here and there and I have...
    thornedrose thornedrose 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I was diagnosed with Rapid Cycling Bipolar at

    the age of 12. I was voluntarily admitted into a psychiatric hospital to receive help during an extremely depressed phase. At one time I was taking many medications but now I am currently only on one medication. One thing that bothers me the most is feeling like I have no one...
    deepinnerthoughts deepinnerthoughts 18-21, F 2 Responses Aug 17

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    I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling.

    Everyone's voices sound so far away. My eyelids are heavy and I am curled in a ball. I can't move. I have go be still. If I am still nothing bad can happen. If I move the trail of fog and hatred will follow me like a shadow. I won't let it follow me. It consumes me too much . it...
    danielle18 danielle18 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 5

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    My Mother Claims That I'm Just Slavic.

    My mom's 100% Polish.  She says that Slavs just have mood swings.  I think I'm bipolar, but she doesn't believe in psychological illnesses.  I know that I'm old enough to go to a doctor and get diagnosed for myself, but I still live under my parents' thumbs while...
    Chanteuse1984 Chanteuse1984 26-30, F 10 Responses Jun 6, 2007

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    Being bipolar doesn't automatically make you

    evil or violent. I am bipolar and I do not hit or hurt people when angry. My mood swings can be really bad but I know not to harm people around me, for I would feel 100x worse :( so when someone tells you the are bipolar, don't run away. How do you think that makes us feel...
    xMellowButterflyx xMellowButterflyx 18-21, F 6 Responses May 29

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    mellowwwave mellowwwave 26-30, F 1 Response Dec 15, 2014

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    It's coming to the point again

    where I'm just overthinking and I can't calm myself down
    MissingMistake MissingMistake 16-17, M 2 Responses Aug 19

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    I ran out of meds for a

    while in between doctors recently, so I got a stuffed mammoth and named it Klonopin. My anti-anxiety mammoth.
    rainallthedays rainallthedays 31-35, F Sep 7, 2014

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    Did any of you notice that

    once u got on the right cocktail of meds your once through the roof s_x drive became "normal"???
    BeautifullySickkk BeautifullySickkk 31-35, F 10 Responses a week ago

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    It's on days like this

    where I wonder whether I'll be able to break the cycles that I have and move forward, to be able to enjoy a more fulfilling life. It's been around a year since my last hospital admission for mania, which as per usual lead to full blown psychosis. After I came out I settled...
    SolitaryFriend SolitaryFriend 31-35, M 4 Responses Jul 24

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    I wish God would take me now.

    I'm tried now, I dont want to hang on anymore.
    penpalwriter penpalwriter 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 20

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    I just told someone to go to hell.

    First, he says that people who are depressed are living in the past. I told him that when I was depressed, I lived in the present but I had no energy to act. Then he tells me not to be depressed. This is when I gave him both barrels. What would you have done?
    emperornorton47 emperornorton47 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 22

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    F..ck me! I'm in a serious mania episode!

    Hyper and extremely irritable! I hate this type! I like the happy hyper! guess it looks like my meds need fixed again! Ugh! I was warned it was a challenge getting on the right meds and it might never work out! I'm not like some that their mood swings are mild. Mine are at least...
    BeautifullySickkk BeautifullySickkk 31-35, F 5 Responses Jun 28

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    Uh oh, insomnia starting up,

    are my couple days of peace, over? Hope that tonight will be better. Also kind of losing appetite... Crossing my fingers for depression only. no mania... Thank goodness have appts this week with both psychologist and psychiatrist.
    mofo33 mofo33 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 23

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    La-la-love Latuda! I truly

    and honestly believed that I was never going to get better. I had had success with Lamictal and Geodon as far as controlling the mania and mixed episodes, but I still suffered from totally and completely crippling depression and anxiety. We had tried everything short of ECT...
    SeaOfMonsters SeaOfMonsters 26-30, F 7 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    Do any of you ever get this feeling

    where you know that if you close your eyes and breathe and calm yourself you will probably fall asleep but yet your mind is racing and wanting to do 100 things first. It's not that I don't feel tired, it's more like I don't want to sleep even though I know that if I don't go to...
    Mari3028 Mari3028 31-35, F 3 Responses Aug 22

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    I feel numb, I guess it's part of the

    depression...but it doesn't feel how it usually does. I just don't feel anything, I don't feel particularly sad about anything, I don't have the heavy weight on my shoulders that I usually feel when i'm depressed. I'm just numb, just sitting here...existing. Does that make sense...
    Rdc87 Rdc87 26-30, M 4 Responses Aug 16

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    Bipolar Bares All! Film At 11:00!

    I'm Bipolar all right, I certainly don't make a secret of it.  I wrote a memoir of Manic Depression which I continue to flog with the annoying insistence of a child tugging on a parent's pant leg.  I've lectured on it at universities and medical schools.  I've...
    ElLagarto ElLagarto 56-60, M 12 Responses Jul 12, 2007

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    Lotusflower80 Lotusflower80 31-35, F 16 Responses a week ago

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    I don't want to be on medication

    for the rest of my life. I've had success with Animal Assisted Therapy and have been 95 percent better since I got my dog. I also find that exercising stabilizes me (and also gets me tired enough that I'll sleep through the night). Does anyone else have any successful...
    giannaboleyn giannaboleyn 26-30, F 2 Responses Aug 20

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    Lotusflower80 Lotusflower80 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 22

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    Finally normal again

    and feeling amazing - Wow it's been almost two years since I've written. I just read all my posts again and its so surreal. I can't believe I went through all of that. To be honest I don't really remember a lot of what happened but it makes me so sad to read through all these...
    lololala lololala 18-21 2 Responses Aug 24

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    Please someone talk to me.

    I really need a friend. I'm sick of living like this. I don't want to do this for the rest of my life, can't control myself, can't control my emotions, I explode on people, they resent me - if only they knew, inside my head, the demons that exist. They beat me up, they laugh at...
    happycupcake happycupcake 22-25, F 6 Responses Nov 17, 2014

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    What no one seems to talk much about is

    that there's a kind of psychological purgatory that exists somewhere in between the high points and the end of your rope. Those moments when you want to do nothing more than to run from yourself! We have a laundry list of triggers that catapult the slide into what feels like an...
    honestcloud honestcloud 26-30, F Oct 2, 2014

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    I M Bipolar

    Without medication i have racing speech, anxiety attacks, i wont sleep, and have lots of energy. I am taking meds and they are working for me. I go to a support group call DBSA (depression, bipolar support alliance) . I have friends that understand my mental illness. The...
    starship33 starship33 36-40, F 6 Responses Nov 6, 2012

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    my bipolar is acting up right now.

    its one of those days where I wish I had a different life, different family. a kind of day where I just dont want to be alive.
    penpalwriter penpalwriter 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 19

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    I know you are not supposed to self diagnose,

    but I totally have and now am just sitting around waiting for people to agree with me. I have not felt this certain about what is going on, ever. Half a year ago (after like three or four years of struggling with my mood constantly) I was finally like "ok I actually have...
    mofo33 mofo33 18-21, F 2 Responses Aug 24

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    I was recently diagnosed with this disorder.

    I guess I've had it for a while, but the symptoms did not match until recently. I made many risky decisions during my manic stages, like spending too much money, when I am normally very frugal, and I thought I was invincible. Now I am in the "mixed stage". I am not super...
    JuliaHiC JuliaHiC 22-25 5 Responses Sep 18, 2014

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    Sigh, yeah, tmr go to the doc

    for full psych eval. Finally. Cant believe I have never had one -_- considering the past four years of my life... I am like 90 percent sure I am bipolar. Which is awful but also not awful? Anxious because I have like zero faith in my judgement but I do want answers. But also...
    mofo33 mofo33 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 19