I Am Certain I Am Fuckked Up In The Head, Like Big Time

Where to start?
I know a guy called i,
his life has been crazy,

as a kid he'd ride his dirtbike wherever,
he saw a ghost,
fell right into the empathy within drug culture,
crashed cars drunk,
overdosed on E,
had cocaine problem,
got...

My Societal Diagnosis is Bipolar Depressed Severe with Psychotic Features, I also have severe Panic and Anxiety Disorders, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, ADD. THIS MENTAL CRAP IS ONLY PART OF WHO I AM AS A PERSON. I will not be put...

my shadow will only help me it tells me destroy and takeout anybody that stands in my way. a few nights ago their i ways sitting in the darkness clearing my mind letting the darkness enter my thoughts and hope that it will tell me more...

Boy am I sick of it. It never fails. I end up short of money. Im just going downhill. Now I can't bear the thought of leaving the house tomorrow to see my psych nurse. I think its kind of pointless anyway as I don't have the money for...

I fell it's a storm up there and a storm of utter confusion. Nothing that I can do about it bit still there must be a solution, not the therapist,not momy or dady.SOMETHING! And I'm sure it's not about teen age phases, well most adult...

when i want to be someone special , i fall down like a fool , i can't see things clearly ,i feel like i'm blind because i do everything with wrong way ; i lied to my self , i never been honest to my self , i make myself believe tht i'm...

I was taking a shower and started having a panic attack. I put on clothes and waited for it. I knew it was coming.
Why?
Well I read that the meds I will be taking are gonna make me fat. Yep, that's right. The things that are supposed to...

I eat myself into a state of bliss.  It seems as if the more I eat the better I feel. The bigger I get the more unhappy I become.  I rant and rave at everyone and cuss some people out.  My temper is out of control at times.  I...

is it possible at all to be 2 different people in 1 body. because i feel like thats what i am. 2 different people. i want completely opposite things on 1 subject. how can i want to have sex with my bf and want to remain a virgin until...

3:00 Am at the insititution
I woke in a slumber
Wild Animals in the hallway
Screeching
Crying
Fighting
I float over to the door
Peaking through the glass
There I see 100s
100s of people
The door its locked
I try to claw through
I want...

 I want to be controlled by a man. I want to be his slave/pet for the night.I want him to use me for his pleasure.I promise to obey.I kneel before him on the floor with head lowered.I await his command.I want this more then anything...

Mainly because of my current lifestyle. 25 going on 26, still living at home, single, no friends and no social life.
But also because of my feelings and thoughts. I tend to worry about and think about things that others probably don't...

The number of times i ended up in the psych ward. the first time i went out of patient. the next 2 times, i ended up in in- patient.Now I think that just says how fucked up in the head i am. 

I have my sense of humor, I like it. Btw if you are reading this I dont care, Shush it. :P

how do you know when you are sane? when you question yor sanity.

Suddenly I awake in the instituion once again.
My heart is racing and beating.
I feel someone is watching me.
I look at the window the curtains are open.
Heightening my anxiety.
I turn to my roomate fast asleep in her bed.
Cursing her...