I Am Childless Not By Choice

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 482 People

    I Am Barren.

    We tried for years and years to get pregnant.  We spent a truly obscene amount of money on medical treatments, including IVFs.  In all that time and with all that money, I flunked every pregnancy test.  I still don't know why.  Having spent all of my husband's...
    SaharaDesert SaharaDesert
    46-50, F
    7 Responses Jun 6, 2009

    40'S. Happily Married. Grateful For So Much. Childless

    Like many, finding 'the one', getting married, buying a house, getting a dog, having a baby... just seemed a given & a natural part of life. I'm the youngest of 3 girls, proud aunty to 10, adoring Godparent to 3...surrounded by children.... just not my own. After years of...
    belhunter belhunter
    46-50
    2 Responses May 8, 2013

    I am thankful to have found this group.

    Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
    Lorikit Lorikit
    46-50, F
    Nov 26, 2015

    Do You Ever Get Over The Profound Sadness

    I am always sad, but then there are moments where the sadness becomes a vice grip, all pervasive, and cannot seem to breath unless i coach myself to breath in/breath out. I am single, 42 and feel as if my biology clock is heading towards mid-night. I am not dating, have no idea...
    Emptywomb Emptywomb
    41-45
    12 Responses Feb 11, 2011

    I was waiting my partner ready.

    I was waiting step independent until one day my partner feel free to let's them go and plan about to have our own kid. So I was waiting for them finish kindergarten, waiting them study the first few years in primary school experience. I was 37 but my hubby wants to wait one more...
    childlessstepmom childlessstepmom
    46-50, F
    1 Response Feb 3

    From the little I've read from younger women,

    it seems that aging does have some benefits. When you are in the middle of trying to get pregnant, you cannot have much perspective. You are at war and fighting against time, money and draining emotions. I remember very distinctly weeping after an unsuccessful cycle and my then...
    sittochrissy sittochrissy
    61-65, F
    Oct 22, 2015

    A few months before my 46th birthday finds me

    crying in the car, again. After 5 years of fertility docs, charting, tests, treatments, fertilized eggs that just *poof* went away (where do they go?Are they little foamy spots on my pantyliner? ) and 2 miscarriages, I have exactly ZERO to show for it. All that money I spent, I...
    tiffyz tiffyz
    46-50, F
    4 Responses May 2, 2015

    Childless Doesnt Mean Feminineless

    Hello, I am not writing to tell about my pain and agony...the lonely nights and days...the sadness inmy partner's eyes. Its been 2years and a half now... I had cried almost each month during these long days.... I m writing for the girls who wait and keep waiting....trust me you...
    SoulMatee SoulMatee
    31-35
    3 Responses May 1, 2012

    My greatest fear - dying alone,

    and no one cares. I do not have kids or grandkids (obviously), nieces or nephews, or even godchildren. My hubby's adult kids do not include me, so they will definitely not care. My hubby is10 years older, so I will most likely outlive him. He says that my volunteering will...
    Lorikit Lorikit
    46-50, F
    6 Responses Jan 4

    Finally going to a therapist to talk through

    some issues. One of them is that H of 12 years said originally he wanted kids, but after marriage changed his mind. I think it's because he is 14 years older than me, and he was concerned about what it would look like to his friends. I was (and am still) devastated. I wanted...
    Imyourhoney2 Imyourhoney2
    51-55, F
    4 Responses Oct 27, 2015

    At each age I think a childless woman looks at

    the issue through the lens of that specific time in life. When you at 40 your friends have young kids and are immersed in school, sports events, lessons and all kinds of activities that separate you from them. But later on, after the kids go off to college, return and begin to...
    sittochrissy sittochrissy
    61-65, F
    Oct 18, 2015

    Another New Year's Eve

    and here I am looking at another year of opportunities and chances. That's the good part! But I'll never get the chance again to be someone's biological mom. It never happened and at 63 years old, I'm even too old to adopt anyone. So for me, it's OVER. For you younger women and...
    sittochrissy sittochrissy
    61-65, F
    3 Responses Dec 31, 2015

    So here we are nearly to Christmas

    which is one of those times of the year that triggers all sorts of emotional baggage, especially for those of us without our own babies. Perhaps because of my age - 63 - I am getting to the point where this is what is and I am more accepting. I am a step-mother and step...
    sittochrissy sittochrissy
    61-65, F
    4 Responses Dec 23, 2015

    I am 41 years old and have been married

    for 12 years. We have undergone 4 unsuccessful IVF cycles. We still have 3 frozen embryos left but at our age I feel it is probably time to give up. I feel deeply depressed and don't know how to accept this. Everyone around me had children and it seems the conversations are...
    brisona1 brisona1
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Nov 5, 2014

    My husband doesn't want to have any children.

    I want just one. It's the main thing we disagree on. It's causing a major rift in our marriage. We've sought counseling together and separately but we can't reach an agreement. He's 51 I'm 37. He's in great health, but I learned that I may have fertility issues. Money isn't an...
    Artymiss Artymiss
    36-40, F
    1 Response Mar 31

    I am 42 yo and got pregnant

    for the first time a few months ago but ended up having a miscarriage. I am sad and bitter. I feel like I hate everyone who has kids or is pregnant. That covers most of humanity, I know!
    lostandmelancholysoul lostandmelancholysoul
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Jan 13, 2014

    Childless But Don't Know Whether To Be Happy Or Sad...

    Through many series of unfortunate events, my husband and I are childless (but have a hairy child in our dog!). I still feel that I am missing something major in my life but don't know if it's children or something else. On one hand, I miss my earlier who dog who I had for 15...
    getchunow getchunow
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Feb 13, 2010

    Childless, Married, 40, and Angry, Sad, Numb, You Name It

    I am 40 years old, married for 12 years, and childless. We tried fertility treatments on and off to no avail for a number of years, and I finally got pregnant after my first round of IVF at 37, with triplets. Going into my 6th month I developed a rare life-threatening infection...
    kikiD kikiD
    36-40
    22 Responses Feb 17, 2009

    Mother's Day... the Longest Day of the Year

    Warning: this is a rant. I hate this freakin' day. And the weeks leading up to it, and the whole damn day, will it ever end? Another year, another Mother's Day, no child.  And it's not even the only day of the year when not having a kid really sucks. Let's see, there's...
    kikiD kikiD
    36-40
    9 Responses May 10, 2009

    Finally Accepted I Won't Have Children

    I am 48, childless and single. The past ten or more years of my life have been dominated by trying to have a child. I've had four attempts at IVF, one miscarriage and I've cried more than I ever thought it possible to cry. My relationship with my own mother is not good and if I'm...
    Chitt Chitt
    46-50, F
    5 Responses Jul 21, 2012

    hiya! I'm 42, had 2 miscarriages,

    both at times in my life when the relationships I was in were terrible or ending. I'm now alone. it's 2.30am and I feel like my heart is breaking into a million pieces. All of my friends have kids. I'm a teacher, so I spend a a big part my life looking after other people's...
    Jules5150 Jules5150
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Apr 25, 2015

    As many of you know, this site will be closing

    in April. Not desiring to lose the supportive community that we have here, I have "immigrated" to relatetothat.com, and started a group there also with the title of, "I Am Childless Not By Choice." The group may be found under the "Family" and "Family and Relationships...
    Fyrefox Fyrefox
    56-60, M
    1 Response Mar 25

    My true story is a mix of choice

    and not by choice. From a young age everyone expected me to have a baby on my hip every chance I could . I was a late bloomer and held onto my virginity until I was 18 almost 19 . I was with that guy for 2.5 years before I found out he was cheating. It didn't take me long to...
    lovewillkeepus2gether lovewillkeepus2gether
    36-40, F
    1 Response May 23, 2015

    I remember being in my thirties

    and fantasizing that maybe I'd be on a trip somewhere exoitc and come home pregnant. Just by magic.! That's how a lot of the stories seem to go of how other women got pregnant. But that didn't happen. We tried a bit of artificial insemination, but didn't have the money for IVF...
    sittochrissy sittochrissy
    61-65, F
    2 Responses Oct 24, 2015

    Hi everyone! Hope you all are doing well,

    and have found some peace and happiness in your lives. Think positive, stay strong and have faith, that's all we can do. Wishing you the best. :-)
    Lorikit Lorikit
    46-50, F
    Feb 28

    I am not good at letting my emotions out

    but this kind of seems like the right place to do it. I am 26 and have been dating my husband for 4 years and been married for almost 1. This is normally the part of the relationship where you should at least start talking about kids, but in my house this is an argument. My...
    Katelin07 Katelin07
    26-30, F
    Feb 14, 2015

    Childless At Age 41

    Where to start? I am finding it difficult to find my place in this world as the years go by. I am 41, my husband is 52, and he has 3 children from 2 previous marriages. Looking back, I was incredibly naive (my very first and only marriage) to think that at age 35 I could...
    HurtingSilently HurtingSilently
    41-45
    7 Responses Jul 4, 2013

    I feel like there is a hole in the middle of my

    life. 40 and no children and no one that understands how empty this feeling is. New in the area and no friends to talk to. So I ended up here hoping to find someone that I can talk to that understands.
    roundrock72 roundrock72
    41-45, F
    9 Responses Apr 12, 2014

    The holidays are coming around

    and it always raises all sorts of issues in every family, but for me there is always the drama of my stepson and his mother. His mother always has had first dibs on the "plans"; has been that way since he was 12 and he's almost 38. Now there are grandchildren and even more...
    sittochrissy sittochrissy
    61-65, F
    Oct 27, 2015

    While I haven't had my own baby,

    I have managed to acquire a step-son who now has 2 children. I'm preparing for their Thanksgiving visit: Bought sleeping bags for the kids, cleaning up the spare rooms, pondering meals. I realize that even this experience is more than a lot of CNBC people get. So I am grateful...
    sittochrissy sittochrissy
    61-65, F
    1 Response Nov 14, 2015

    So how do you all feel

    when it is a major holiday, like Christmas, and everyone else's plans are centered around their children?
    sittochrissy sittochrissy
    61-65, F
    2 Responses Oct 14, 2015

    Hi, just looking to connect with people like me,

    who have been there and understand how I feel.
    Lorikit Lorikit
    46-50, F
    1 Response Nov 3, 2015

    Childless And Happy?

    I have long regretted not having had any children,coming from a toxic family my dream was to one day have a family of my own,a functional family and give my children the love and support that I did not get myself. But life,sadly does not always work out the way we think it...
    berangere berangere
    66-70, F
    6 Responses Nov 3, 2013

    But life very much goes on.

    I didn't marry to have babies anyway. I married because my husband means the world to me and we have such a strong friendship too. Of course it would have been so nice to have had one or two. However, I believe if the good Lord above wanted us to be parents, he would have...
    Roz2014 Roz2014
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Feb 15, 2015

    Maybe It's My Fault In A Way!

    Reading some of your stories, makes me realize that maybe i don't have it so bad...but it still hurts to know that being a mother is not something i can see coming my way. My husband has a low ***** count and IVF is the only way of us concieving. We have been together since i...
    Luisa1987 Luisa1987
    26-30, F
    1 Response Oct 12, 2013

    Being A Childless Step Mom Is The One Hardest Parts Of My Life.

    Being a childless step mom is the one hardest parts of my life.  Having a child of my own is gone with the wind...I am grieving the reality of being childless forever…There is nothing that can make the pain go away. Nobody can give you a magic pill and make...
    whyme40 whyme40
    36-40
    35 Responses Apr 21, 2010

    Wow, I'm a 52 yr old woman soon to be 53

    and no children. Just like so many of us on here I am bitter and wish so badly for a child even at this age. Not going to happen I suppose. I had a chance to be a mother in my early yrs and had an abortion then, couldn't see any clear path as I was living in a mobile home...
    Texxy Texxy
    51-55, F
    7 Responses Jul 8, 2014

    No One Knows

    No one knows how much this bothers me, affects me, irritates me. I am 44 and never been married. I never met the right guy. The first time it occurred to me that this might not happen for me was in 2006. I was dating a guy that "didn't know how he felt yet" and I decided I needed...
    refusingtoacceptit refusingtoacceptit
    46-50, F
    10 Responses Oct 24, 2013

    As once again we celebrate Halloween,

    I make the effort for the neighborhood kids and grand kids of neighbors and I decorate the outside of my home. I figure that it is a community gift. While my husband says he hates Halloween due to bad childhood memories, I notice that he is the one to rush to the door to see the...
    sittochrissy sittochrissy
    61-65, F
    2 Responses Oct 31, 2015

    It's Over.

    Today, our 2 embryos stopped growing. We had finally made it to the egg transfer. This was our one and only try at IVF after 2 years of timed intercourse, rounds of Clomid, 3 IUIs and a failed IVF drug-cycle. We knew the odds were against us going into it - I'm 39 with the...
    Naomi73 Naomi73
    36-40, F
    4 Responses Jul 14, 2012

    I am 31 years old and my life changed this

    summer. My husband and I were trying to conceive our first child and around the 1 year mark, we went to a doctor. An ultrasound showed a mass in my uterus and diagnostic surgery confirmed a malignant tumor. Suddenly, instead of planning for a baby like the rest of my friends, I...
    sandydog2 sandydog2
    31-35, F
    5 Responses Nov 20, 2015

    Before I got married my husband wanted to wait

    to have kids. He decided that we would wait five years before talking about having kids. While we were still engaged I did not like the idea of waiting such a long time before deciding to have kids. But I always believed that we would have kids. The reason for this was that my...
    c338383 c338383
    26-30, F
    5 Responses Nov 27, 2015

    I am a DES baby- this means my mom was given a

    terrible drug while pregnant with me that messed all my reproductive stuff up. I am 44 and never have Been pregnant - I have had surgeries and 4 IVF's. It is exhausting to think about. It has been several years since our horrible fertility treatments, but the pain never...
    BoomerGirl13 BoomerGirl13
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Jul 6, 2015

    Approaching 40. Met partner a few years ago.

    Happiest and healthiest relationship I've ever been in. Partner has recently changed his mind about having a family .... Confused. Have to make a choice between the two. I love my partner and having a baby alone with a donor is something I have considered but I really and...
    TroubledMiss TroubledMiss
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Oct 4, 2014

    So In Love... So Sad Inside.

    Hi! I really need to tell my story. I feel like a shaken up can of soda, i just want to explode and let it all out. I have been married for almost five years, I am 22 years old and my husband and I are the perfect couple! I met him when I was 13 years old and he was 18...
    Karileal21 Karileal21
    22-25, F
    9 Responses Feb 22, 2010

    I turned 49 this year.

    I have always wanted children. my wife decided 5 years ago she did not want children. We tried foster care and I loved it. She hated it. We have been married 14 years. I made the choice to stay with her, but that does not mean I don't feel betrayed. I am just sad. I feel like I...
    Serak49 Serak49
    46-50, M
    5 Responses Jul 12, 2015

    I am turning 40 this year

    and depression is setting in. Not because of aging, but because I've never been married or had children and that has been my biggest dream. I've had two people in the last month ask me "why didn't you ever have children?" which crushed me. I've always wanted to find a good man...
    Jennabee7 Jennabee7
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Feb 11, 2014

    In order to put one foot in front of the other

    and thrive, we have to find ways to be happy and it is possible to achieve. Of course there are "moments". There always will be, but here's what I've learned: 1. Finding your life's passion in work is important. Take joy from that. 2. Only nurture those people who are bright...
    sittochrissy sittochrissy
    61-65, F
    2 Responses Nov 10, 2015

    My heart aches.....I am 36 years old,

    doing well professionally and miserable because I don't have the family that I always assumed I would have. I have always loved children and they have always loved me. I was the little girl who couldn't wait to be old enough to babysit. I was the friend who offered to help...
    jenna778 jenna778
    36-40, F
    2 Responses Jul 26, 2014

    We Are Happy Without Children!

    We, too cannot have children. ..not by choice. I have a medical reason that I can't carry a child. We also will not be adopting. There was a time I was sad.. all my friends were having children and it seemed I was surrounded by babies and new mommies. While I am not jealous...my...
    cbarron1 cbarron1
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Sep 16, 2013

    Best wishes to everyone!

    I hope you all find peace and happiness in your lives. May the childless one day get the compassion and recognition that we deserve. Until then, I will stay positive and count my blessings. Thank you for your support, and simply for listening. :-)
    Lorikit Lorikit
    46-50, F
    Mar 26

    I'm 62 - I now hear how many grandkids?

    At 23, I was seeing a fertility specialist and was told I can not have children. OK, we'll adopt. No problem. In fact, childlessness with medical condition put us on the top of every adoption list! Hooray! Spending my military husband and my 20's-30's in Germany we were...
    GreyLadyBird GreyLadyBird
    61-65
    2 Responses Aug 30, 2014

    Almost 45, Single And Childless And Sad

    How do I accept the cards that have been dealt to me? I always thought that I would be married by age 25 and have at least one child. That was my dream. Then that did not happen. I've dated too many commitment phobic men so I then gave up the dream of getting married. I could...
    Metchie39 Metchie39
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Jan 28, 2013
    childlessstepmom childlessstepmom
    46-50, F
    3 Responses Feb 2

    Here's my story. I was never lucky enough to

    be in the right place at the right time to find someone who wanted children, usually because they already had them. By the time I decided to pursue adoption as a single person, my mother passed away. I have one sister who is childless by choice, and did not seem interested in...
    Lorikit Lorikit
    46-50, F
    5 Responses Nov 6, 2015
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