Post

I Am Codependant

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 136 People

    July 17. Love, in Words

    and Actions. Many of us have confused notions about what it means to be loved and cared about. Many of us were loved and cared for by people who had discrepancies between what they said and did. We may have had a mother or father who said, "I love you" to us, and then...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 17

    Your Response

    Cancel

    July 27. Letting Go. Stop trying

    so hard to control things. It is not our job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, and life. Maybe in the past we couldn't trust and let things happen. But we can now. The way life is unfolding is good. Let it unfold. Stop trying so hard to do better, be better, and be...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 27

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Realizing That I'm Codependent

    I'm 39 years old and it wasn't until this past summer that I realized I was codependent. I started therapy in July because my work life and homelife were both in disarray. I knew that I wasn't happy with my situation but I didn't really understand why. Therapy has helped me...
    zachias zachias 36-40, M 1 Response Nov 16, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Oh God , It's True . . . .

    I'm still getting over a ten year relationship involving our children and being married twice to her . It never worked out but we kept trying . All we accomplished was hurting each other and confusing the kids . I can only hope that we have finally ended it at last and the...
    WisestFool WisestFool 41-45, M 5 Responses Sep 7, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Codependant

    I have a friendship with this fun, good looking, gay man -- but I realized one of the attractions to him is feelings from my past -- I thought at first it was just to people who got each other, but I have realized that its more than that; he knows what buttons to push and I have...
    ayuda ayuda 41-45 2 Responses Aug 28, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    July 31. Letting Go of What We Want.

    "For those of us who have survived by controlling and surrendering, letting go may not come easily." —Beyond Codependency In recovery, we learn that it is important to identify what we want and need. Where does this concept leave us? With a large but clearly identified...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 31

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 16. Rescuing Ourselves.

    No one likes a martyr. How do we feel around martyrs? Guilty, angry, trapped, negative, and anxious to get away. Somehow, many of us have developed the belief that depriving ourselves, not taking care of ourselves, being a victim, and suffering needlessly will get us what we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    July 30. Accepting Powerlessness.

    Since I've been a child, I've been in an antagonistic relationship with an important emotional part of myself: my feelings. I have consistently tried to ignore, repress, or force my feelings away. I have tried to create unnatural feelings or force away feelings that were...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 30

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 20. Honesty in Relationships.

    We can be honest and direct about our boundaries in relationships and about the parameters of a particular relationship. Perhaps no area of our life reflects our uniqueness and individuality in recovery more than our relationships. Some of us are in a committed relationship...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 15. Leaving Room

    for Feelings. We need to allow enough room for others and ourselves to have and work through our feelings. We are people, not robots. An important part of us - who we are, how we grow, how we live - is connected to our emotional center. We have feelings, sometimes - difficult...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    July 22. Learning to Trust Again.

    Many of us have trust issues. Some of us tried long and hard to trust untrustworthy people. Over and again, we believed lies and promises never to be kept. Some of us tried to trust people for the impossible; for instance, trusting a practicing alcoholic not to drink again...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 9. Asking for What We Need.

    Decide what it is you want and need, and then go to the person you need it from and ask for it. Sometimes, it takes hard work and much energy to get what we want and need. We have to go through the pains of identifying what we want, then struggle to believe that we deserve it...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 9

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 4. Vulnerability.

    "I've learned that the more vulnerable I allow myself to be, the more in control of myself I really am." —Anonymous Many of us feel that we can only show our strong, confident side. We believe the face we have to show to the world should always be one of politeness...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 4

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 10. Letting Go of Perfection.

    "As I journey through recovery, more and more I learn that accepting myself and my idiosyncrasies — laughing at myself for my ways — gets me a lot further than picking on myself and trying to make myself perfect. Maybe that's really what it's all about — absolute loving...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    July 11. Bring Any Request to God.

    Bring any request you have to God. No request is too large; none too small or insignificant. How often we limit God by not bringing to God everything we want and need. Do we need help getting our balance? Getting through the day? Do we need help in a particular relationship...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 8. Saying Yes.

    Yesterday we talked about learning to say no. Today, let's discuss another important word: Yes. We can learn to say yes to things that feel good, to what we want - for others and ourselves. We can learn to say yes to fun. Yes to meetings, to calling a friend, asking for help...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 8

    Your Response

    Cancel

    July 28. Fear. One day,

    I decided to try something new. I took my ten-year-old son out on the St. Croix River on a Waverunner. A Waverunner is a small boating vehicle resembling a motorcycle. We donned life jackets and embarked on an experience that turned out to be both exhilarating and frightening...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Here Goes Nothing...

    I am a CoDA, there world now you know. Now I know. It's time to make the changes. I want a healthy relationship. I want the lies to myself and those around me to stop. The manipulation. The self loathing. The searching for something and not even knowing what it was I was...
    Lingaloo83 Lingaloo83 26-30 1 Response Feb 7, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    June 9. Panic. "Few situations - no matter how

    greatly they appear to demand it - can be bettered by us going berserk." —Codependent No More Don't panic! If a swimmer was crossing a great lake, then suddenly focused too heavily on the distance remaining, he might start to flounder and go under - not because he couldn't...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 9

    Your Response

    Cancel

    May 28. Letting Go of Self Doubt.

    A married woman who had recently joined Al-Anon called me one afternoon. She worked part-time as a registered nurse, had assumed all the responsibilities for raising her two children, and did all the household chores, including repairs and finances. "I want to separate from my...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Aug. 2. In Between. Sometimes,

    to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in between. One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    July 23. Making It Happen.

    Stop trying so hard to make it happen. Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results. Stop thinking so much and so hard about it. Stop worrying so about it. Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 23

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Aug. 1. Gratitude. "We learn the magical lesson

    that making the most of what we have turns it into more." —Codependent No More Say thank you, until we mean it. Thank God, life, and the universe for everyone and everything sent your way. Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    July 7. Getting It All Out.

    "Let yourself have a good gripe session." From: " Woman, Sex, and Addiction" —Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D. Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    July 3. Directness. So much of our

    communication can reflect our need to control. We say what we think others want to hear. We try to keep others from getting angry, feeling afraid, going away, or disliking us. But our need to control traps us into feeling like victims and martyrs. Freedom is just a few words...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am A Codie...

    My wife is an alcoholic.  I enabled her.  I helped her by buying the stuff.  The sex was great because she was dulling her pain and could get over it.  Sober she has no desire.  She feels ashamed of herself because of alcohol fueled sexual activities...
    another40 another40 46-50, M 4 Responses May 18, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    July 25. Keep at It. Keep practicing your

    recovery behaviors, even when they feel awkward, even when they haven't quite taken yet, even if you don't get it yet. Sometimes it takes years for a recovery concept to move from our mind into our heart and soul. We need to work at recovery behaviors with the diligence, effort...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    July 26. Owning Our Power.

    Don't you see? We do not have to be so victimized by life, by people, by situations, by work, by our friends, by our love relationships, by our family, by our feelings, our thoughts, our circumstances, and ourselves. We are not victims. We do not have to be victims. That is...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 18. Valuing this Moment.

    "Detachment involves present moment living - living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it. We relinquish regrets over the past and fears about the future. We make the most of each day." —Codependent No More This moment, we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    June 8. Fun. Have some fun - with life,

    with the day. Life is not drudgery; that is an old belief. Let go of it. We are on an adventure, a journey. Events will come to pass that we cannot now fathom. Replace heaviness and weariness of spirit with joy. Surround yourself with people and things that bring lightness of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 8

    Your Response

    Cancel

    June 1. Directness. We feel safe around direct,

    honest people. They speak their minds, and we know where we stand with them. Indirect people, people who are afraid to say who they are, what they want, and what they're feeling, cannot be trusted. They will somehow act out their truth even though they do not speak it. And it...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    June 24. Detachment. Detachment doesn't come

    naturally for many of us. But once we realize the value of this recovery principle, we understand how vital detachment is. The following story illustrates how a woman came to understand detachment. "The first time I practiced detachment was when I let go of my alcoholic husband...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 24

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 14. Owning Our Power.

    Many of us have someone in our life that challenges our ability to trust and care for ourselves. When we hear that person's voice or are in his or her presence, we may forget all we know about what is real, about how to own our power, about how to be direct, about what we know...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 21. Detaching in Relationships.

    When we first become exposed to the concept of detachment, many of us find it objectionable and questionable. We may think that detaching means we don't care. We may believe that by controlling, worrying, and trying to force things to happen, we're showing how much we care. We...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wow, That Was Hard!!

    I have been in a relationship for 8 years.  Many many days were spent wishing I could walk away because our personalities just didn't connect.  I stayed this whole time and married him after 7 years.  The whole time I thought that I just couldn't walk away because...
    mlpete mlpete 31-35, F 4 Responses Oct 23, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Admit It

    I try to be independent, I shut out most of my friends, not big on visitors, seek safety in my own compound... and yet somehow I've become codependent on that one. I've done much better at distancing myself from him but there are still times when I just want to lay down and allow...
    mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality 36-40, F 4 Responses Apr 6, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 3. Owning Our Power in Relationships.

    "So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spent so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships." —Anonymous No matter how long we have been recovering, we may still tend to give up our...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 17. Healing Thoughts.

    Think healing thoughts. When you feel anger or resentment, ask God to help you feel it, learn from it, and then release it. Ask Him to bless those who you feel anger toward. Ask Him to bless you too. When you feel fear, ask Him to take it from you. When you feel misery, force...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 13. Friends. Don't overlook the value

    of friendship. Don't neglect friends. Friends are a joy. Adult friendships can be a good place for us to learn to have fun and to appreciate how much fun we can have with a friend. Friends can be a comfort. Who knows us better, or is more able to give us support, than a good...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Feeling Lost

    I recently broke it off with the man I'd been seeing on and off for two years. I want to be strong and keep away from him as he's not good for me. He's always pushing my buttons. The problem is that he sweet talks me into getting back with him and I fall for it everytime. When we...
    cmcy cmcy 51-55 3 Responses Nov 17, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 5. Attitudes Toward Money.

    Sometimes, our life and history may be so full of pain that we think it totally unfair that we have to grow up now and be financially responsible for ourselves. The feeling is understandable; the attitude is not healthy. Many people in recovery may believe that certain people...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 5

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Will Do Anything For You. I Need You. :(

      I feel like missing every wonderful happening in my life just to please them. Expectations I had been trying so hard to push myself.  I lost myself.  I lost my identity.  It came to me that I had no idea who I am anymore.  I...
    CallmeCamille CallmeCamille 70+ 2 Responses Sep 13, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 7. Saying No. For many of us,

    the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No. No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a "good" employee, child, parent, spouse, or...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anyone else feel they get their parents to do

    to much? I used to not work but have been for past couple of years. I don't really do much around the house and outside I get my mum or gran to pay my monthly cheque into the bank for example. I'm not very proactive in getting things sorting out and I am very lazy most days. I...
    lawrencepa lawrencepa 22-25, M 1 Response Mar 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    July 10. Ending Relationships.

    It takes courage and honesty to end a relationship - with friends, loved ones, or a work relationship. Sometimes, it may appear easier to let the relationship die from lack of attention rather than risk ending it. Sometimes, it may appear easier to let the other person take...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    June 15. Competition Between Martyrs.

    "Yes, I know your spouse is an alcoholic, but my son is an alcoholic, and that's different. That's worse!" My pain is greater than yours! What an easy trap that can be for us. We are out to show others how victimized we have been, how much we hurt, how unfair life is, and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 15

    Your Response

    Cancel

    June 20. Relationship Martyrs.

    Many of us have gone so numb and discounted our feelings so completely that we have gotten out of touch with our needs in relationships. We can learn to distinguish whose company we enjoy, whether we're talking about friends, business acquaintances, dates, or spouses. We all...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 20

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 19. Letting Go of Shame.

    Shame is that dark, powerful feeling that holds us back. Yes, shame can stop us from acting inappropriately. But many of us have learned to attach shame to healthy behaviors that are in our best interest. In dysfunctional families, shame can be tagged to healthy behaviors such...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 11. Healing. Let healing energy flow

    through your body. The healing energy of God, the Universe, life, and recovery surrounds us. It is available, waiting for us to draw on it, waiting for us to draw it in. It's waiting at our meetings or groups, on the words of a whispered prayer, in a gentle touch, a positive...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    June 6. The Gift of Readiness.

    Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. —Step Six of Al-Anon We progress to the Sixth Step by working diligently, to the best of our ability, on the first Five Steps. This work readies us for a change of heart, openness to becoming changed by...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 6

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I used to think that codependency meant aiding

    someone in they're addiction; being an enabler. I'm sure as hell not that, but then I found out what it really means, and I sure as hell AM that! I want to fix everyone, I want to do it for you, I want to take care of you. I'm having a hard time letting go of this, but I'm...
    LookingForSoMuchMore LookingForSoMuchMore 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    August 6. Solving Problems.

    Problems are made to be solved! Some of us spend more time reacting to the fact that we have a problem than we do solving the problem. "Why is this happening to me?" . . . "Isn't life awful?" . . . "How come this had to happen?" . . . "Oh, dear. This is terrible." . . . "Why...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 6

    Your Response

    Cancel

    March 5. Be Who You Are.

    When I meet people or get in a new relationship, I start putting all these repressive restrictions on myself. I can't have my feelings. Can't have my wants and needs. Can't have my history. Can't do the things I want, feel the feelings I'm feeling, or say what I need to say. I...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Mar 5

    Your Response

    Cancel