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I Am Codependant

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 155 People

    October 9. Self-Disclosure.

    Learning to gently reveal who we are is how we open ourselves up to love and intimacy in our relationships. Many of us have hidden under a protective shell, a casing that prevents others from seeing or hurting us. We do not want to be that vulnerable. We do not want to expose...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 9

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    September 24. Allowing Ourselves to be Needy.

    We can accept ourselves as people who have needs - the need for comfort, love, understanding, friendship, and healthy touch. We need positive reinforcement, someone to listen to us, someone to give to us. We are not weak for needing these things. These needs make us human and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 24

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    Codependant

    I have a friendship with this fun, good looking, gay man -- but I realized one of the attractions to him is feelings from my past -- I thought at first it was just to people who got each other, but I have realized that its more than that; he knows what buttons to push and I have...
    ayuda ayuda 41-45 2 Responses Aug 28, 2008

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    October 29. Acceptance.

    A magical potion is available to us today. That potion is called acceptance. We are asked to accept many things: ourselves, as we are; our feelings, needs, desires, choices, and current status of being. Other people, as they are. The status of our relationships with them...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    October 21. Financial Responsibility.

    "When I began recovery from chemical dependency, I had to face my money mess stone cold sober, and I really had a mess," said one woman. "I wasn't able to earn much at first, and it was important to me to make amends. I had past due bills from years before. I needed to try to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 21

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    October 24. Opening Ourselves to Love.

    Open ourselves to the love that is available to us. We do not have to limit our sources of love. God and the Universe have an unlimited supply of what we need, including love. When we are open to receiving love, we will begin to receive it. It may come from the most...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response a week ago

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    October 12. During Times of Grief.

    The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to "cocoon for transformation," in Pat Carnes's words, while going through grief. We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 12

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    October 25. Letting Go of the Past.

    "... in thy book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me when as yet there was none of them." —Ps. 139:16 Some people believe that each of our days were planned, Divinely Ordered, before we were born. God knew, they say, and planned exactly what...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 6 days ago

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    June 7. Into Orbit. "It doesn't matter

    if they're hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they'd only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER." —Codependent No More I think I can change him. Nobody's ever really loved him and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 7

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    October 26. Clarity. I know better

    than to not trust God., But sometimes, I forget that. When we are in the midst of an experience, it is easy to forget that there is a Plan. Sometimes, all we can see is today. If we were to watch only two minutes of the middle of a television program, it would make little...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    October 14. Controlling Versus Trust.

    "There was a time in my life when I felt so afraid of and overwhelmed by the very act of living that I actually wanted to make out a schedule for each day of my life for the next five years. I wanted to include all the chores I had to do, when I would do them, even when I would...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 14

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    Realizing That I'm Codependent

    I'm 39 years old and it wasn't until this past summer that I realized I was codependent. I started therapy in July because my work life and homelife were both in disarray. I knew that I wasn't happy with my situation but I didn't really understand why. Therapy has helped me...
    zachias zachias 36-40, M 1 Response Nov 16, 2013

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    March 5. Be Who You Are.

    When I meet people or get in a new relationship, I start putting all these repressive restrictions on myself. I can't have my feelings. Can't have my wants and needs. Can't have my history. Can't do the things I want, feel the feelings I'm feeling, or say what I need to say. I...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Mar 5

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    July 7. Getting It All Out.

    "Let yourself have a good gripe session." From: " Woman, Sex, and Addiction" —Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D. Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 7

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    I used to think that codependency meant aiding

    someone in they're addiction; being an enabler. I'm sure as hell not that, but then I found out what it really means, and I sure as hell AM that! I want to fix everyone, I want to do it for you, I want to take care of you. I'm having a hard time letting go of this, but I'm...
    LookingForSoMuchMore LookingForSoMuchMore 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 28

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    September 1. Patience.

    Sometimes we get what we want right away. At other times, we wonder if our desires will ever be fulfilled. We will be fulfilled in the best way possible and as quickly as possible. But some things take time. Sometimes, we have lessons to learn first, lessons that prepare us so...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 1

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    Wow, That Was Hard!!

    I have been in a relationship for 8 years.  Many many days were spent wishing I could walk away because our personalities just didn't connect.  I stayed this whole time and married him after 7 years.  The whole time I thought that I just couldn't walk away because...
    mlpete mlpete 31-35, F 4 Responses Oct 23, 2008

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    Here Goes Nothing...

    I am a CoDA, there world now you know. Now I know. It's time to make the changes. I want a healthy relationship. I want the lies to myself and those around me to stop. The manipulation. The self loathing. The searching for something and not even knowing what it was I was...
    Lingaloo83 Lingaloo83 26-30 1 Response Feb 7, 2013

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    October 23. Morning Cues.

    There is an important message for us first thing every day. Often, once we get started with the day, we may not listen as closely to life and ourselves as we do in those still moments when we first awaken. An ideal time to listen to ourselves is when we are laying quietly...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 23

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    Write about your experienceOctober 16.

    Being Honest with Ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we need to maintain. The quality of that relationship will determine the quality of our other relationships. When we can tell ourselves how we feel, and accept our feelings, we can...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 16

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    October 5. Knowledge.

    Learn to let yourself be guided into truth. We will know what we need to know, when we need to know that. We don't have to feel badly about taking our own time to reach our insights. We don't have to force insight or awareness before it's time. Yes! Maybe the whole world saw...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 5

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    October 4. Faith and Money.

    Sometimes, there is not enough money to make ends meet, much less afford any luxuries. People may tell us to do a budget, and we chuckle. The expenses we need to pay for survival surpass the income. We look at the situation; shake our heads, and say, "No way." Many of us...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 4

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    October 27. Step Eleven.

    "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." —Step Eleven of Al Anon "... praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 4 days ago

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    October 18. Throwing Out the Rule Book.

    Many of us feel like we need a rulebook, a microscope, and a warranty to get through life. We feel uncertain, frightened. We want the security of knowing what's going to happen, and how we shall act. We don't trust life or ourselves. We don't trust the Plan. We want to be in...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 18

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    Feeling Lost

    I recently broke it off with the man I'd been seeing on and off for two years. I want to be strong and keep away from him as he's not good for me. He's always pushing my buttons. The problem is that he sweet talks me into getting back with him and I fall for it everytime. When we...
    cmcy cmcy 51-55 3 Responses Nov 17, 2008

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    Oh God , It's True . . . .

    I'm still getting over a ten year relationship involving our children and being married twice to her . It never worked out but we kept trying . All we accomplished was hurting each other and confusing the kids . I can only hope that we have finally ended it at last and the...
    WisestFool WisestFool 41-45, M 5 Responses Sep 7, 2011

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    October 15. Letting Go of Chaos.

    No good work comes from unrest. Unrest, fear, anger, or sadness may motivate us. These feelings are sometimes intended to compel action. But our best work emerges after these feelings have been replaced by peace. We will not accomplish our task any sooner, or any better, by...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 15

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    October 7. Letting Go of Naivete.

    We can be loving, trusting people and still not allow ourselves to be used or abused. We don't have to let people do whatever they want to us. Not all requests are legitimate! Not all requests require a yes! Life may test us. People may seek out our weak spots. We may see a...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 7

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    July 10. Ending Relationships.

    It takes courage and honesty to end a relationship - with friends, loved ones, or a work relationship. Sometimes, it may appear easier to let the relationship die from lack of attention rather than risk ending it. Sometimes, it may appear easier to let the other person take...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 10

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    It's amazing that when you really start living

    life for yourself and start helping yourself first and loving yourself first, it's amazing how it inadvertently and effortlessly helps others.
    OhGK OhGK 26-30, F 2 Responses Oct 8

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    October 19. Our Good Points.

    "What's a codependent? The answer's easy. They're some of the most loving, caring people I know." —Beyond Codependency We don't need to limit an inventory of ourselves to the negatives. Focusing only on what's wrong is a core issue in our codependency. Honestly...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 19

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    June 4. Trusting God.

    A married couple, friends of mine, decided to make some changes in their living situation. They had always lived in the city, and now they decided they wanted to live in the country, on a lake. They found a small lake home. It wasn't the house of their dreams, but when they...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 4

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    July 22. Learning to Trust Again.

    Many of us have trust issues. Some of us tried long and hard to trust untrustworthy people. Over and again, we believed lies and promises never to be kept. Some of us tried to trust people for the impossible; for instance, trusting a practicing alcoholic not to drink again...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 22

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    I Am A Codie...

    My wife is an alcoholic.  I enabled her.  I helped her by buying the stuff.  The sex was great because she was dulling her pain and could get over it.  Sober she has no desire.  She feels ashamed of herself because of alcohol fueled sexual activities...
    another40 another40 46-50, M 4 Responses May 18, 2010

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    October 17. Feelings

    and Surrender. Surrendering is a highly personal and spiritual experience. Surrender is not something we can do in our heads. It is not something we can force or control by willpower. It is something we experience. Acceptance, or surrender, is not a tidy package. Often, it is...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 17

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    October 8. Learning to Wait.

    "I've started to realize that waiting is an art, that waiting achieves things. Waiting can be very, very powerful. Time is a valuable thing. If you can wait two years, you can sometimes achieve something that you could not achieve today, however hard you worked, however much...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 8

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    June 6. The Gift of Readiness.

    Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. —Step Six of Al-Anon We progress to the Sixth Step by working diligently, to the best of our ability, on the first Five Steps. This work readies us for a change of heart, openness to becoming changed by...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 6

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    October 3. Getting Through the Discomfort.

    "Surrender to the pain. Then learn to surrender to the good. It's there and more is on the way." —Beyond Codependency Our goal in recovery is to make us feel comfortable, peaceful, and content. Happy. We want to be at peace with our environment and ourselves. Sometimes, to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 3

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    August 28. Taking Care of Ourselves on the Job.

    It's okay to take care of ourselves on the job. It is not only okay - it is necessary. Taking care of ourselves on the job means we deal with feelings appropriately; we take responsibility for ourselves. We detach, when detachment is called for. We set boundaries, when we need...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 28

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    October 31. All Our Needs.

    "And my God shall supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory..." —Phil. 4:19 This verse has helped me many times. It has helped me when I have wondered where my next friend bit of wisdom, insight, or meal was coming from. Everything I need today shall be...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 5 hrs ago

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    July 11. Bring Any Request to God.

    Bring any request you have to God. No request is too large; none too small or insignificant. How often we limit God by not bringing to God everything we want and need. Do we need help getting our balance? Getting through the day? Do we need help in a particular relationship...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 11

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    June 8. Fun. Have some fun - with life,

    with the day. Life is not drudgery; that is an old belief. Let go of it. We are on an adventure, a journey. Events will come to pass that we cannot now fathom. Replace heaviness and weariness of spirit with joy. Surround yourself with people and things that bring lightness of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 8

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    July 17. Love, in Words

    and Actions. Many of us have confused notions about what it means to be loved and cared about. Many of us were loved and cared for by people who had discrepancies between what they said and did. We may have had a mother or father who said, "I love you" to us, and then...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 17

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    August 21. Detaching in Relationships.

    When we first become exposed to the concept of detachment, many of us find it objectionable and questionable. We may think that detaching means we don't care. We may believe that by controlling, worrying, and trying to force things to happen, we're showing how much we care. We...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 21

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    Slowly realizing that I go

    after emotionally unavailable women. The one I'm currently pursuing just broke up with her boyfriend last week. But we've flirted on an off for a year. I don't know why I'm still doing it though. I've been working really hard to become closer to myself and not run from my...
    Wbyogimaso Wbyogimaso 26-30, M 2 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    October 30. Self Value.

    We have a real life of our own. Yes, we do. That empty feeling, that senses that everyone except us has a life - an important life, a valuable life, a better life - is a remnant from the past. It is also a self-defeating belief that is inaccurate. We are real. So is our life...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 day ago

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    October 13. Substance over Form.

    "I'm learning that for a variety of reasons, I've spent much of my life focusing on form rather than substance. My focus has been on having my hair done perfectly, wearing the right clothes, having my makeup applied perfectly, living in the right place, furnishing it with the...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 13

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    October 20. Detaching with Love.

    Sometimes people we love do things we don't like or approve of. We react. They react. Before long, we're all reacting to each other, and the problem escalates. When do we detach? When we're hooked into a reaction of anger, fear, guilt, or shame. When we get hooked into a power...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 20

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    I Admit It

    I try to be independent, I shut out most of my friends, not big on visitors, seek safety in my own compound... and yet somehow I've become codependent on that one. I've done much better at distancing myself from him but there are still times when I just want to lay down and allow...
    mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality 36-40, F 4 Responses Apr 6, 2008

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    August 27. Procrastination.

    Procrastination - not acting when the time is right - is a self-defeating behavior. It produces anxiety, guilt, disharmony, and a nagging consciousness of the task that life is telling us it's time to do. We are not always procrastinating when we put off doing something...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 27

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    August 8. Saying Yes.

    Yesterday we talked about learning to say no. Today, let's discuss another important word: Yes. We can learn to say yes to things that feel good, to what we want - for others and ourselves. We can learn to say yes to fun. Yes to meetings, to calling a friend, asking for help...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 8

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    October 11. Recovery.

    How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . . Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 11

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    June 1. Directness. We feel safe around direct,

    honest people. They speak their minds, and we know where we stand with them. Indirect people, people who are afraid to say who they are, what they want, and what they're feeling, cannot be trusted. They will somehow act out their truth even though they do not speak it. And it...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 1

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