I Am Depressed But Try to Hide It

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,433 People

    been suppressing my feeling

    for so long i cant even figure out my emotional state anymore
    zerofivenosh zerofivenosh
    Nov 11, 2015

    I find it hard to express my emotions.

    Years of bullying means I've had to suppress/hide them away and to become invisible to others including family. There have been countless times where I've been tempted to give up and commit suicide... I've recently had councelling where I could finally release all of my emotions...
    stacey1447 stacey1447
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Jun 26, 2015

    I have not even thought

    that much about this topic for a while. Maybe because the mask I wear for my son, his friends and the people I know is not so huge. I can say objectively that I am not as depressed. I am still depressed, I still have standards that guarantee failure. I still (deep in secret...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Sep 8, 2015

    I cry every day. I can't tell anyone

    that I do because I can't trust anyone. People will always want to see you fail even through they congratulate you when you succeed. I will not let this be a sign of weaknesss for others to take advantage of. That's why I have EP; to escape the real world, where everything you...
    Kiva10 Kiva10
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Aug 17, 2015

    My life has gone to ****

    and hasn't even started. I'm 21 taking care of two kids that arnt even mine... My mom is horribly sick and doesn't do anything about it, my dad doesn't care about anything as long as we all do as he says. I'm so depressed I'm tired of trying to push it away, so it turns into...
    Lhokw Lhokw
    22-25, F
    Sep 24, 2015

    I just realized something,

    I've been hiding it for so long,the mask won't come off,my brother hurt me once again today,and threatened me,i tried taking off the mask that im alright so I could show him I'm not,i just looking angry,not in pain,i can't take it off anymore,I'm even lying to myself now....
    silverleafdeimos silverleafdeimos
    16-17, F
    1 Response Dec 13, 2015

    I'm so done living in this house full of hatred

    , bitterness and pain. It's dragging me down so much. Recently got into a heartbreak and then now I'm liking someone who will never like me back. Plus to top it all off...i am struggling financially and emotionally. I don't know how to even live and handle and make everything...
    margarett19 margarett19
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Sep 7, 2015

    I crack jokes for you.

    I smile for you. I try to put a strong appearance for you. I'll become an optimist, a cheerful person, if that's what you want me to be. I pretend as if everything is okay... For you. For everyone around. I don't want you to see this. It's ugly. It's my battle, and I am...
    asktni asktni
    18-21, F
    2 Responses May 13, 2015

    Right now, I'm going

    for the 'fake it until you make it' strategy in terms of being positive about myself.
    LittleMidnight LittleMidnight
    2 Responses Sep 7, 2015

    A locked door, a rusty razor,

    a towel stained with red. A folded note, a broken mirror, and a young girl lays there dead. Their emotions tangle, the room begins to swirl, she was mommy's perfect angel and daddy's little girl.
    princessxsuicide princessxsuicide
    16-17, F
    1 Response Sep 19, 2015

    Pretending To Be Happy

    i feel like the only reason i do anything is for my friends' benefit. i have to be positive, energetic, and smile for them when i see them at school, or whenever we have plans even if i feel terrible. sometimes it feels like they are being so selfish, dragging me along with them...
    deleted deleted
    4 Responses Jul 1, 2011

    mostly because i don't like the attention

    and being bothered about it.
    zerofivenosh zerofivenosh
    Sep 8, 2015

    It's peaceful in the deep,

    cathedral where you cannot breathe. No need to pray, no need to speak. Now I am under... And it's breaking over me, a thousand miles down to the sea bed. Found the place to rest my head. And the arms of the ocean are carrying me, and all this devotion was rushing out of me. And...
    jaygatz926 jaygatz926
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jul 10, 2015

    it just makes me sick to my stomach

    that they are stuck with the impression that im responsible for him leaving us..forever..when I never said anything like that..i hate my sister that she feels that way,,but at the same time..i don't think I can be around her..
    MyraTomPhil MyraTomPhil
    26-30, F
    Sep 8, 2015

    Yeah nobody wants to hear it.

    I don't want to burden people with my problems anyways. So I just put my mask back on and continue this happy go lucky role I play. I hold on to the hope things will get better idk maybe they will or not only time will tell
    jsadhappyface jsadhappyface
    18-21, M
    2 Responses Sep 25, 2015
    deleted deleted
    Aug 17, 2015

    Most of the time I dont let other people see my

    sadness coz I dont want to bring them down.
    mabuhayka mabuhayka
    31-35, F
    4 Responses May 14, 2015

    I'm tired of living a lie.

    ...my smile is fake but no one notices
    huntersveil248 huntersveil248
    16-17, F
    3 Responses Sep 8, 2015

    i just can't really be honest with everyone,

    with myself. i just trying to forget all the pain i feel inside, and there are times when i just tired with all of this. what should i do?
    vousmevoyez vousmevoyez
    16-17, F
    Dec 1, 2015

    People who know me say I smile alot

    and they aren't wrong I really do because I though that if I smiled enough I could trick myself into being happy.it didn't work instead I just learnt fake a smile so natural no one sees thru it.but thats ok because I'd like everyone to think I'm happy. because apparently thats...
    late0 late0
    18-21, M
    1 Response May 14, 2015

    It's surprising how much a fake smile

    and a simple 'I'm Fine' can hide.
    ItsNotJustABand ItsNotJustABand
    13-15, F
    1 Response Dec 7, 2014

    I have to hide my true feelings.

    I don't want to scare people away or have my mother yell at me.
    logan1997 logan1997
    3 Responses Jun 26, 2015

    Iv gotten so used to hiding my real feelings

    around people i dont know or dont want to share with, to the extent that i walk around work sometimes with no expressions on my face at all, just blank like im looking off into the distance but thinking of something intensely. I hate to think of what people must think when...
    Pixel91 Pixel91
    22-25, M
    Mar 10

    Today, I am still front of my computer.

    Its the first time I imagine that there is chains going out of the screen and holding me up. I hardly do anything on computer that is really productive anyway. People find me talkative and sympathic but yet I hardly feel any good, even receiving those kind of compliment. I have...
    31-35, M
    Sep 8, 2015

    Every night, I lie in my bed.

    And I cry. I cry for some many things. I cry for my past. I cry for the way I look. For the way I feel. I will never be good enough. I'll never be beautiful enough. I'll never be small enough. I hate myself. I do. But I don't show it.. That's weak. And when I do show it, no one...
    jordantl2016 jordantl2016
    18-21, F
    6 Responses Jun 7, 2014

    Hid it for awhile but recently self medicated

    by adding another anti - depressant med during the day......Wrong. Started to think seriously about suicide, running away from everything. Emotions went wild, cried over everything, even checked into how many of my pain meds i needed to take to guarantee death. Picked up a...
    deleted deleted
    Nov 18, 2015

    I've had a difficult time growing up.

    I've had to hide my sadness from the rest of my peers hoping that, eventually, I could trick myself into being happy. But there comes a time in your life when you don't want to pretend anymore. Why should I have to hide how I feel so that everyone else won't have to give me...
    BlackSeoul BlackSeoul
    22-25, F
    2 Responses May 14, 2015

    someone told me depression was nothing

    and easy to go through i felt like slapping him. depression is horrible but i still try hide i try hide the marks i have all over my arms i feel ashamed by what i have done to my body and all the time i have had to be locked up in to mental institutions my parents cant be be...
    anon93uk anon93uk
    22-25, M
    1 Response Sep 8, 2015
    Zurea Zurea
    26-30, T
    Oct 1, 2015

    Well, only in real life

    because on here, no one knows me, and no one can stop it.
    CheshireSmile4049 CheshireSmile4049
    26-30, F
    Oct 10, 2015
    deleted deleted
    Oct 3, 2015

    I'm glad I am off today.

    I can stay in bed, in my depression and not worry about trying to appear like everything is OK. At least for a little while.
    angelpumpkin36 angelpumpkin36
    36-40, F
    Mar 17
    deademotion11 deademotion11
    22-25, M
    Jun 30, 2015

    I Wake Up In The Morning And Put A Fake Smile On.

    I've been depressed for almost two years now. It use to be so bad that I would often think of suicide. I'm afriad I will come back to that point. If my friends ask me what's wrong, I say nothing. I put on a fake smile and laugh so they don't worry. I don't want attention drawn...
    sotiredofthem sotiredofthem
    16-17, F
    3 Responses Mar 28, 2010

    No one will ever know how sad I am .

    . I laugh a lot, I joke a lot and I appear to be very happy! People even ask me how I manage to always be so happy. But when I go home and I lay in bed I feel empty and sad! And I almost feel as if I am taking off and putting on a mask...
    AaliyahLove AaliyahLove
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Nov 1, 2014

    I Have a team building outing

    for our department but i have no close friends at work not even one.. and am so afraid of how it is gonna go for me...i really want to go because it is such an awesome adventure but the fact that i have no one to count on for company is terrifying.. I transfered to this...
    fairy2015 fairy2015
    26-30, F
    1 Response Nov 9, 2015

    I've taken a ton of "are you depressed/have

    anxiety" quizzes and questionaires in the last 24hrs. Pretty much all of them said "yes", "it's bad" and "seek help asap"...but there's not really anywhere I can go for help. Mental health stuff is not covered by my provincial health plan. Id rather not have to go onto meds that...
    NopieNoperson NopieNoperson
    31-35, F
    1 Response Feb 25

    Today in health and social I forced my self to

    be a cheery girl I use to be. People laughed and said I was funny but as soon as uneasy away from them I just broke down.
    deleted deleted
    3 Responses Sep 7, 2015

    I think what it really comes down to is

    that in your mid twenties you have to come to terms with your expectations for adulthood.
    honestlyanonymouslyme honestlyanonymouslyme
    22-25, F
    Sep 10, 2015

    I have everyone fooled.

    They all think I'm happy because I smile and laugh. But they don't know how exhausted I am. I don't like pretending to be happy anymore. I want to break down and scream that I'm not ok. I want to just stop smiling for once and tell them how miserable I have been for the last...
    deleted deleted
    2 Responses Sep 20, 2015

    I don't tell people because

    whenever I do, they look at me like a kicked puppy. I am still me so why can't they f*cking see it? **** them.
    cyraalana2000 cyraalana2000
    13-15, F
    May 11, 2014

    I am so good at acting fine

    and presenting fine to others (maybe to good sometimes) when I really just want to scream IM NOT FINE!!! but I just cant do it. I really dnt know why I cant just do it, Im sick of dealing with everything on my own.
    LJglasgow LJglasgow
    26-30, F
    9 Responses Aug 17, 2015

    To lose everything you've longed for

    and built cuts through the heart so completely there is no chance of ever being truly whole or happy again. The tears come without warning and I just wish I didn't care. I wish I could just sleep the pain away but it hurts to much to sleep. All my sleep is medicated. My life is...
    Ranae414 Ranae414
    51-55, F
    Oct 10, 2015

    Before sacrificing everythin you have got

    for one person please think twice else you will regret later:(
    deleted deleted
    Oct 5, 2015

    I hide sadness behind smiles

    and jokes but when I make someone laugh I feel a little better.
    Bruhguy Bruhguy
    1 Response Sep 3, 2014

    I got diagnosed with severe depression,

    have been dealing with that, self harm, thoughts of suicide in the front of my head, and trying to hide it. :( No one really seems like they'd care if I died. :( only a few people
    OtakuTimeLord OtakuTimeLord
    16-17, M
    Mar 5, 2014
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