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I Am Depressed More Than People Realize

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,876 People

    Racing thoughts. Can't get my brain to shut

    down. I need to sleep!!! It's times like this that I start thinking about taking pills. So much to do.....not enough time to do it. So tired, but can't sleep.......help.
    CLKM CLKM 31-35, F May 2

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    I'am Depressed And Think I'am Losing My Mind

    life sucks! not knowing if i want to live any more or not in it's self is scary.i've been this way for a long time. i've been on meds. since 1995 i have had about all the drugs for depression but i still think of killing my self one day when i finaly get to tried to fight. i love...
    realmckoy realmckoy 51-55 2 Responses Feb 13, 2011

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    I Can't Hide My Hurt Anymore

    I try to live the normal life and smile and pretend that all is ok with me but I feel like my life is never going to be right. I'm 30 yrs old with no kids I have a wonderful home and all that but I cope with this deep hurtful feeling because I think I can not have kids this is...
    Ckane81 Ckane81 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 2, 2012

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    everyone just thinks I am happy all the time.

    .. truth is I am never happy. I'm depressed... always have been and always will be!😔
    bigtrucksss bigtrucksss 18-21, M 2 Responses Feb 26

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    Ok ik I'm not that new

    but compared to some of these members xD anyways I might be offline more or just seem distant for a while idk why but I've been wicked depressed lately more then usual I'm on my period ATM and I can't stand living I'm just so out of it like idk I might go bak to a therapist at...
    ImNotOkayWhyCantYouSeeThat ImNotOkayWhyCantYouSeeThat 13-15, F 2 Responses Jun 11

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    Recently I was placed back on antidepressants

    after being med-free for 4+ years. This time around the battle is worse, and I can DEFINITELY tell when I've accidentally skipped a day. I start feeling, well, depressed again. Only in a rush. I'm useless, really. I feel like I annoy everyone around me so I don't talk much...
    cyndercrys cyndercrys 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 29

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    No one knows. My family has some knowledge,

    but turn a blind eye. They don't want to hear about it. Too many years being depressed and alone. Just finished reading "The Fault in Our Stars", not a good book if you're depressed. Towards the end, they ask the main character, a girl dying of cancer, "why don't you die...
    chumiloons chumiloons 41-45, F 1 Response May 26

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    Ruined Paradise

    I did suicide. I hanged myself with a big green power cord off our balcony. I woke up an just did it. Idk how or why that way it was like I was watching it happen like tv. I was already gone an my sisters heard it happen an cut me down. I fell onto a glass table beside our pool...
    AquilaAqua AquilaAqua 13-15, M 5 Responses Sep 5, 2013

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    so hard to accept the things i cannot change,

    my ex bf is getting married with my cousin..
    letitgoletitgoletitgo letitgoletitgoletitgo 31-35, F Feb 26

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    :))) I'm fine. :) I'll stay happy

    for you. So, you don't have to deal with me.
    JadedDivinity JadedDivinity 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 3

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    Really??? I Did'nt Sign Up For This!!!

    Being me, well practicaly sucks... Yeah i know, positive thinking?? But, i mean, somewhere you just have to accept reality, and with that comes the obivous realisation that Karma, bad luck and murphies law, know you personaly! Or let me rephrase, you can't seem to be doing...
    Krieks Krieks 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 17, 2012

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    Irony

    A man I know quite well became prone to bouts of deep depression, bordering on suicide. In desperation, he sought the services of a psychologist, telling them: "I seem to see nothing but shadows and darkness everywhere; the world seems so full of anger, horror and evil...
    amberdextrous amberdextrous 51-55, M 10 Responses Nov 9, 2009

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    No More Strength

    [Hi! this is my first time ever sharing about me with other people] There's no one who really understands me. Maybe there's a few people who care about me, for example my parents. But there's no one who can help me out. Some people who know that I'm depressed keep saying that...
    VIKTOR5932 VIKTOR5932 18-21, F 4 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Don't Wanna Feel Vulnerable

    no body truly knows who i am yet people seem to think they have me figured out. i just have my guard up all the time and always try to put a smile on my face. its often not genuine but i refuse to let people see how sad i am or feel sorry for me. noww i know my problems are not...
    ullnevakno ullnevakno 16-17, F 1 Response Jun 29, 2010

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    Idiot Politicians And Doctors

    Since I have been injured - 14 months ago - I have found that marijuana helps two things. I had always heard it was great for pain, and it is. But it's also great for depression. I never knew that until I smoked some while utterly depressed. But until things change, I cannot...
    stankadiddlehopper stankadiddlehopper 51-55, M 1 Response Mar 7, 2013

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    I Hide It Well

    I hide the pain behind a smile. And I've done a good job. But now that I yearn for help, no one can hear me
    CrazyHippieChick CrazyHippieChick 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 11, 2010

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    I Am Depressed More Than People Realize

    .Depression has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. I've been on antidepressants that long too. It should be an old friend by now. Right? People who are not or have never been deeply depressed can't understand why you don't just "snap out of it", "you have so much...
    BCBoomer58 BCBoomer58 56-60, F 15 Responses May 23, 2010

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    I am 24. Ever since I was a baby,

    my mother and father have been fighting with each other like cats and dogs for every small reason. I had an elder brother (10 years older to me) who suffered from Muscular Dystrophy.He passed away when I was 11. He was the only one who gave me sorta motherly love as he took care...
    Samsinh Samsinh 22-25, F Mar 1

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    I've taken a big decision in my life:

    after 6 years living in Europe, I decided to go back to my homeland, with my husband, who is a very true European. I've got myself some nice degrees, and with my family's support, I got a job easily. The job is OK, and stable, but for now I can't afford much. Still in the...
    azureazalea azureazalea 22-25, F Jun 30

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    Why ......

    Yesterday I have disappointed with my man, and today my parents do same things to me. My father scream out to me in front of my all family and say that I'm a fool and trouble maker. Then my mother say that my father very hate me. It makes me feel more depressed than before, and...
    azmya azmya 26-30, F 3 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    I thought people didn't notice,

    but apparently some people at work figured it out and confronted me. But I can't tell them the truth. Why can't I ask for help? There are a couple people who would help, but I don't know that I want help. I wish I were dead. I've wished that for years. How long do I have to keep...
    chumiloons chumiloons 41-45, F 2 Responses Jul 20

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    HyperboleAndahalf. This girl writes a blog

    and this story is about depression
    hopecatcher hopecatcher 16-17, F 1 Response Apr 30

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    People don't know. Just wake up

    and put on my fake smile for the day. I don't let people in on what is going on with me, my boyfriend doesn't know that I cry myself to sleep. What should I do?
    tututata2126 tututata2126 16-17, F May 26

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    Ya that just about summarizes it.

    Like I can have a total breakdown like I won't talk, I lose life from my eyes, and it's like I'm not even me anymore but every1 sees me as fine. I only tell my closest friend my dark secrets so they try to cheer me up but it never works even though I act like it does. I feel...
    fredlez2306 fredlez2306 13-15, M 1 Response May 20

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    I've noticed that the things

    that I used to love doing I just don't care for anymore. I know I look ok on the outside but I'm just going through the motions I don't really care anymore and I wonder if I did kill myself would anyone care...I don't think so.
    Vonn0721 Vonn0721 22-25, F 2 Responses May 2

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    I don't know if I'm technically depressed,

    but I've been feeling like that for a long time now. I'm not saying that my life is **** or whatever, at least not totally, but definitely I've been screwing it up since my depression started. And it's hard because I don't have anyone to talk to about this. If someone out there...
    YukiUeda17 YukiUeda17 16-17, M 3 Responses Jun 9

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    Nothing Saves Me.

    I am all alone although someone holds me while I cry. Maybe I am way more depressed than people realize. Maybe that's the saddest f ucking thing that makes me lose all my hope.
    SomewhereTomorrow SomewhereTomorrow 18-21, F 5 Responses Jan 18, 2011

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    The stuff I write on here compared to how I act

    in person, is so different in mood. I wish the real me, that is here, was more like how I try and portray myself in real life: happy. I often to feel happy. So, I don't feel like I'm constantly depressed. But, with that being sad, I post more things to vent than I want. I'm...
    JadedDivinity JadedDivinity 18-21, F Jul 17

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    honestly what is there to say

    but I'm depressed i wake up depressed go to sleep depressed i cry myself to sleep i can give other people advice but i can't take my own advice! i really can't do this the littlest things can make me depressed doing the things that i used to enjoy makes me more depressed! i can...
    breebreet breebreet 13-15, F Jul 4

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    I Hate It Here

    I'm so angry and frustrated. I hate it here so bad. I hate this place I try to be strong for everyone that's how my dad taught me how to live. Today me and him were doing our workouts. I never knew how to do a pushup but I didn't want him to know. He kept on telling me to and...
    Pinklace44 Pinklace44 13-15, F Jul 21, 2012

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    Hey everyone. I want to just put this message

    out there. Many of us, including myself, have been helped by this site and some of the wonderful people who are a part of it. But there's still a lot of people who are still hurting. If you're like me, you want to help. The question is, how? Well, here's your answer...
    cyndercrys cyndercrys 18-21, F 3 days ago

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    Ive been even more quiet

    and even more distant. No one knows or cares to realize just how depressed I really am.
    underageloner underageloner 13-15, F 1 Response Mar 25

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    People usually think I'm fine

    and happy and always smiling but when they are not around I'm really depressed and sad I'm not living a bad life it's just that its hard of what things happened to me before
    vivian31745 vivian31745 13-15, F Apr 30

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    People look at me and see this happy go lucky

    person with a bubbly personality. Most of my friends, even my closest ones, can't name a time when I cried. However, that's not who I am. I have no one to go to. I hurt, emotionally. I hurt, all of the time, and I want to reach out. Really, I want to reach out, but there's a...
    faeriefate faeriefate 18-21 2 Responses Mar 3

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    Imagine!

    Think of the darkest place you could be. No answers no way out. Just dark. A feeling of doom, dread and no way out. You can't tell anyone because you would be thrown in a place you don't want to go. That is how I feel.
    AlnAlli AlnAlli 46-50, M 2 Responses May 2, 2011

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    I feel so down and I don't know why.

    My life has become about trying to feel ok but I just end up feeling really bad. I'm blessed with good health and a comfortable life and I'm not trying to be ungrateful. I don't know why I feel so bad.
    100akerwoods 100akerwoods 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 11

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    I'm too self conscious.

    I dislike my features, I don't like my teeth when I smile, or how my face looks when I do. I don't like my white face, that seems to be naturally red around the nose. i hate my white body that needs a tan. I feel too fat to show off my body. If I can't feel good, how can I enjoy...
    vaashapenin vaashapenin 13-15, F 1 Response May 14

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    This Is Not Easy

    It seems lately my depression comes in waves. Like I can wake up feeling ok, just enough to go trough the day, and then this wave comes crushing me. I try to shake it out, to be positive as much as I can, but most of the time I end up failing. Right now I cant get rid of this...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Nov 6, 2012

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    I know that it doesn't solve anything,

    but I would honestly rather die than be me. I would rather do that than me bothering people, than me disappointing people, than me living.
    jordins22 jordins22 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 13

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    I Am

    I am more depressed than people know i am always laughting and smiling but deep down iam so depressed . depresion you cant contole it like oh just be happy , ive had people sa that to me and its just not the answer . its something you cant change . my depression is...
    lunnas lunnas 41-45, F 14 Responses Apr 12, 2010

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    Liquid Hope

    I have battled with this before...for a couple of years now, actually. I've learned to put on the smile, the laugh, the flirt...all as a cover. I have had moments of happiness here and there...but they are fleeting, few and far now. I've mastered the looks...I had to. For work...
    amodelcitizen amodelcitizen 36-40, M 4 Responses May 18, 2013

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    wonderlustdreamer wonderlustdreamer 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 12

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    My friends and family know I've got depression,

    but even so, I feel like telling them didn't make any difference. I was already very negative to begin with, but even that feels pretends. I'm far more worse than that. (If I'd let the negativity take over, a cloud full of rain will probably start following me around.) And the...
    Sourminds Sourminds 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 8

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    otakudesu otakudesu 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 27

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    I Need Help And I Don't Know Where To Go

    I am supposed to be the strong person.  I am so sad lately and I just want to curl up in a ball and just cry.  I have become an almost hermit.  I go to work and then home again.  I have nearly cut off contact with all close friends and family.  I am not suicidal, but I have...
    pm1985 pm1985 41-45 2 Responses May 12, 2011

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    Of Course...

    ...because no one REALLY wants to know how depressed and sad you are all the time. What a buzzkill, they say. So you put on a happy face, or at the very least a neutral face, and pretend that you're just a "little sad" or "grumpy" at that moment. But oh no, don't act that way for...
    Tuva Tuva 31-35, M 5 Responses Feb 13, 2011

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    When You See Me Coming Home..

    Yea, when you see me coming home with a large bag of potato chips, know that I'm feeling horrible. I think that's going to happen more often.. who gives a f u q anyway yay :) see I'm smilling, I'm sooooo happy I can't believe how happy I am, I am so damn happy to the point I...
    PiecingMeBackTogether PiecingMeBackTogether 18-21 Nov 20, 2013

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    Just Letting It Out.

    After losing my partner to infidelity through my child catching her in the act. I lost the plot and threatened to kill her. I went to jail and suffered dearly. Ive overcome drugs and other partners cheating on me in the past also ive just recently beaten a disease. Im completely...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Dec 8, 2011

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    Born2Inspire Born2Inspire 18-21, M 3 Responses Jun 9

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    People always see me

    as this person with so much confidence and in control of ****,But this is totally the opposite of what i feel inside .Some days i feel like running and just hiding from the world.I am still trying to accept myself and love me for me but the journey is hard and keeps getting...
    shula23 shula23 16-17, F 1 Response May 10

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    I am actually depressed most of the time

    but nobody ever can see or realize it, I don't like to be sad. I just end up thinking of all the bad things in my life, and it seems almost impossible, but i can rarely remember any of the good things that have happened to me. I was never happy as a child, i'd never smile or...
    Anathina Anathina 18-21, F 1 Response May 5

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    I have been suffering depression

    for about 2 years. I see a psychologist but only every so often as I can't afford it as often as I need. My mum thinks that I am fine nothing's wrong. I can't approach her because I am not her "golden child". If I try talk to her she changes the subject. Any advice?
    unknown331 unknown331 16-17 1 Response Mar 26

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