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I Am Fluent In Sarcasm

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,591 People

    Don't make excuses for nasty people,

    you can't put a flower in an a**hole and call it a vase
    AnthonyCumia AnthonyCumia 46-50, M 5 Responses Nov 10, 2015

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    so fluent , you can't

    even tell I'm using it 89% of the time.
    heha57zla heha57zla 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 13, 2015

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    My ex boyfriend has been texting me lately

    trying to get me to go out with him again..today he told me that I was the best kisser he's ever had... I thought..awwww...that must suck for you then...knowing you'll never get to kiss these lips again..haha
    LOOKN4NSIGHT43 LOOKN4NSIGHT43 46-50, F 2 Responses Jun 18, 2014

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    cashetty69 cashetty69 51-55, M Dec 26, 2015

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    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M 1 Response Jan 7

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    If you think nothing is impossible,

    try slamming a revolving door
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M Dec 28, 2015

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    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M 1 Response Dec 30, 2015

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    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots 36-40, M 2 Responses Mar 16, 2015

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    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M Jan 6

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    Time flies like an arrow.

    Fruit flies like a banana.
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M Jan 4

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    Nah, I suck in Sarcasm.

    I don't even know meaning of sarcasm.
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Dec 29, 2015

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    Differentisgood Differentisgood 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 16, 2014

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    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots 36-40, M 1 Response Jan 19

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    I think that sarcasm is just THE best!

    too many people take every single aspect of the world seriously, and sometimes it needs to be a little more light-hearted. I am mostly sarcastic when someone asks me a stupid question, because that stupid question requires a funny stupid reply back, u think your gunna get a...
    MissMay97 MissMay97 18-21, F Oct 28, 2015

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    When someone starts a sentence with "No offense.

    ...." You can be sure they are about to offend you.
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M 1 Response Dec 27, 2015

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    Why do people say "The alarm just went off"

    when really it just came on
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M 1 Response Jan 3

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    I bet you people here are

    so good and original at being sarcastic.
    Plouton3600 Plouton3600 18-21, M 2 days ago

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    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses May 2, 2015

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    True story! I was at a friends house

    and his dog was in the floor and began to lick himself "there". Here's the conversation. Friend: "I wish I could do that." Me: "That dog would probably bite you if you did."
    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots 36-40, M 1 Response Jan 28

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    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M 1 Response Jan 1

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    Yup, I'm from England

    but sarcasm is 100% second language
    CamSpeeed CamSpeeed 18-21, M Jan 2

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    sometimes i feel like i am the only one keeping

    sarcasm alive!!! i love to confuse and amaze my customers on a daily basis with my sarcastic comments. sometimes i cannot help it, it is just a reflex and it oozes out just like poetry lol
    deleted deleted 26-30 Aug 27, 2015

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    A dog will happily stick it's head out the car

    window but freaks if someone blows in their face
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M 2 Responses Dec 30, 2015

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    Made a startling discovery today.

    .. Don't go shopping when you're hungry is one thing. You're going to spend a small fortune.. Go shopping at a warehouse while hungry just take a second mortgage out its easier and less painful at the end when they give you the total... Lol
    Havegreatfriends Havegreatfriends 41-45, F 7 Responses Jan 5

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    Because of it a lot of people think I am a

    crazy over the top overly eccentric *****. I.LOVE.IT.
    lilacadventures lilacadventures 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 27, 2015

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    Some people can't handle a conversation

    consisting of my sarcasm, people who's profiles are a totally representation of an anime cartoon character......
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Nov 17, 2014

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    Before you can be old

    and wise, you have to master being young and stupid.
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M 1 Response Dec 27, 2015

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    I'm so good at speaking Sarcasm.

    Who else got a good grade in speaking that language? :D
    Music4Us Music4Us 13-15, F Sep 13, 2015

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    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M Dec 30, 2015

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    I am very sarcastic, maybe

    that would explain why I'm single?
    adhane05 adhane05 22-25, M Nov 6, 2014

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    I don't care if it's supposedly the lowest form

    of wit, watching someone slow trying to figure out whether or not you're serious is hilarious!
    Kitten2005 Kitten2005 26-30, F 4 Responses Feb 22, 2015

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    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M 2 Responses Jan 2

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    Negglesgirl Negglesgirl 41-45, F 1 Response Nov 30, 2014

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    Relationships are like fat people.

    .. Most of them don't work out.
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M Jan 5

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    yourguardingangel yourguardingangel 22-25, M Jun 21, 2015

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    You know sarcasm is at it's peak

    when you pour a bucket of it on someone and they don't even know they've just been drenched in it. ~ Me
    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots 36-40, M 2 Responses Feb 18, 2015

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    Yes but I look on it

    as being quick witted I don't b sarcastic as in being rude
    prettyflamingo prettyflamingo 41-45, F 2 Responses May 11, 2014

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    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M Dec 30, 2015

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    Sarcasm if you mastered it it will b the

    ability 2 insult stupid people & they'll give you even right 4 that onlycopyrights@unknownzerometatron69
    Egolikeme69 Egolikeme69 46-50, M 1 Response Nov 18, 2015

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    Spoiled rotten: What children become

    after as little as 15 minutes with grandparents. Suspected to be an act of revenge from parents to their ex-teenagers.
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76 36-40, M 1 Response Jan 2

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    I wrote on my FB "hey,

    I heard that some Star Wars movie is opening this week" and everyone commented "were you living under a rock?".... guess my sarcasm doesn't come through very well
    DesiredUserNameandStuff DesiredUserNameandStuff 31-35, F 2 Responses Dec 16, 2015

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    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots 36-40, M 2 Responses Dec 28, 2015

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    "So what if violence on TV desensitizes people.

    Marriage does too but you don't see them cancelling that." ~ Al Bundy
    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots 36-40, M 2 Responses Dec 30, 2015

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    NOT! I joined this group to surround myself

    with people who are. Can anyone teach me?
    QuestionMarks QuestionMarks 41-45, F 3 Responses Nov 15, 2015

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    That moment when you're being sarcastic

    and someone thinks you're being legit *facepalm*
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jul 26, 2015

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