I Am Fluent In Sarcasm

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,483 People

    Nothing offends me more

    than when someone explains that they were being sarcastic. Snarky remarks are my bread and butter.
    VioletVivid VioletVivid
    26-30
    Feb 18, 2016

    My ex boyfriend has been texting me lately

    trying to get me to go out with him again..today he told me that I was the best kisser he's ever had... I thought..awwww...that must suck for you then...knowing you'll never get to kiss these lips again..haha
    LOOKN4NSIGHT43 LOOKN4NSIGHT43
    46-50, F
    2 Responses Jun 18, 2014

    True story! I was at a friends house

    and his dog was in the floor and began to lick himself "there". Here's the conversation. Friend: "I wish I could do that." Me: "That dog would probably bite you if you did."
    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots
    36-40, M
    2 Responses Jan 28, 2016

    Spoiled rotten: What children become

    after as little as 15 minutes with grandparents. Suspected to be an act of revenge from parents to their ex-teenagers.
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    1 Response Jan 2, 2016
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    1 Response Dec 30, 2015

    When someone starts a sentence with "No offense.

    ...." You can be sure they are about to offend you.
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    Dec 27, 2015
    Differentisgood Differentisgood
    18-21, F
    1 Response Jun 16, 2014
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    1 Response Jan 2, 2016

    Nothing more disappointing

    than running into a wall with an erection and breaking your nose.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 16, 2016

    I bet you people here are

    so good and original at being sarcastic.
    Plouton3600 Plouton3600
    18-21, M
    Feb 11, 2016
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    Jan 6, 2016
    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots
    36-40, M
    1 Response Jan 19, 2016

    Nah, I suck in Sarcasm.

    I don't even know meaning of sarcasm.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Dec 29, 2015

    I Am Fluent Sarcasm.

    I speak sarcasm more than I even speak English. Its fun you should try it sometime.
    applescruffs applescruffs
    22-25, F
    7 Responses Jul 30, 2009

    I don't care if it's supposedly the lowest form

    of wit, watching someone slow trying to figure out whether or not you're serious is hilarious!
    Kitten2005 Kitten2005
    26-30, F
    4 Responses Feb 22, 2015
    cashetty69 cashetty69
    51-55, M
    Dec 26, 2015

    I'm so good at speaking Sarcasm.

    Who else got a good grade in speaking that language? :D
    Music4Us Music4Us
    16-17, F
    Sep 13, 2015
    Negglesgirl Negglesgirl
    41-45, F
    1 Response Nov 30, 2014

    Don't make excuses for nasty people,

    you can't put a flower in an a**hole and call it a vase
    AnthonyCumia AnthonyCumia
    46-50, M
    4 Responses Nov 10, 2015
    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots
    36-40, M
    2 Responses Mar 16, 2015

    sometimes i feel like i am the only one keeping

    sarcasm alive!!! i love to confuse and amaze my customers on a daily basis with my sarcastic comments. sometimes i cannot help it, it is just a reflex and it oozes out just like poetry lol
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Aug 27, 2015
    yourguardingangel yourguardingangel
    22-25, M
    Jun 21, 2015
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    1 Response Jan 1, 2016

    Some people can't handle a conversation

    consisting of my sarcasm, people who's profiles are a totally representation of an anime cartoon character......
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Nov 17, 2014

    Yup, I'm from England

    but sarcasm is 100% second language
    CamSpeeed CamSpeeed
    18-21, M
    Jan 2, 2016

    Why do people say "The alarm just went off"

    when really it just came on
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    Jan 3, 2016

    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots
    36-40, M
    1 Response Dec 28, 2015
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    Dec 30, 2015

    Sarcasm if you mastered it it will b the

    ability 2 insult stupid people & they'll give you even right 4 that onlycopyrights@unknownzerometatron69
    Egolikeme69 Egolikeme69
    46-50, M
    Nov 18, 2015
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    Dec 30, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses May 2, 2015

    I love being ignored :))))) it's the best

    feeling in the world :))))))) please ignore me :))))))
    Suspect00 Suspect00
    16-17, F
    1 Response Apr 14, 2016

    Yes but I look on it

    as being quick witted I don't b sarcastic as in being rude
    prettyflamingo prettyflamingo
    46-50, F
    2 Responses May 11, 2014

    A dog will happily stick it's head out the car

    window but freaks if someone blows in their face
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    2 Responses Dec 30, 2015

    Made a startling discovery today.

    .. Don't go shopping when you're hungry is one thing. You're going to spend a small fortune.. Go shopping at a warehouse while hungry just take a second mortgage out its easier and less painful at the end when they give you the total... Lol
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Jan 5, 2016

    You know sarcasm is at it's peak

    when you pour a bucket of it on someone and they don't even know they've just been drenched in it. ~ Me
    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots
    36-40, M
    2 Responses Feb 18, 2015

    I would like to personally thank every child

    who lies and posts their age as 18+, every underage person who chats and shares pics with pedophiles, and every ********* for your illegal and immoral behavior. I wouldn't be surprised if that kind of behavior is the reason EP is getting in trouble with the government/law...
    thisisnotanexit thisisnotanexit
    26-30, F
    4 Responses Mar 28, 2016

    so fluent , you can't

    even tell I'm using it 89% of the time.
    heha57zla heha57zla
    18-21, F
    1 Response Dec 13, 2015

    Time flies like an arrow.

    Fruit flies like a banana.
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    Jan 4, 2016

    That moment when you're being sarcastic

    and someone thinks you're being legit *facepalm*
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Jul 26, 2015

    If you think nothing is impossible,

    try slamming a revolving door
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    Dec 28, 2015

    I think that sarcasm is just THE best!

    too many people take every single aspect of the world seriously, and sometimes it needs to be a little more light-hearted. I am mostly sarcastic when someone asks me a stupid question, because that stupid question requires a funny stupid reply back, u think your gunna get a...
    MissMay97 MissMay97
    18-21, F
    Oct 28, 2015

    "So what if violence on TV desensitizes people.

    Marriage does too but you don't see them cancelling that." ~ Al Bundy
    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots
    36-40, M
    2 Responses Dec 30, 2015

    Relationships are like fat people.

    .. Most of them don't work out.
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    Jan 5, 2016

    Because of it a lot of people think I am a

    crazy over the top overly eccentric *****. I.LOVE.IT.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Oct 27, 2015
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    1 Response Jan 7, 2016

    Before you can be old

    and wise, you have to master being young and stupid.
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    41-45, M
    1 Response Dec 27, 2015
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