I Am Getting a Divorce Forum & Chat Board | Are there really men out there who don't think about sex all the time?

Are there really men out there who are not sexually driven?  Is there such a thing as a man who can hug someone he is attracted to without getting sexually excited?  Or a man who doesn't need sex every day?  I am so jaded by my 23 year relationship with my soon to be ex-husband who proved to be a sexually addicted, lieing cheater, sociopath.  I am terrified to even go on a date without wanting to know if the man I am sitting across from needs sex often or not.  I cannot go thru this again.  Even when we had sex and he said it was great, it was never enough.  We were in counseling for so long.  He even told our counselor in front of me one session, that we hadn't had sex for 2 months.  OMG.  That was a total lie.  I had written down every time we had sex for several months before that because of this, and what we did  so I had proof, and he said he didn't remember.  She said it was because he used sex as a self esteem fulfillment of being wanted.  That when I said no, for whatever reason, it was a serious rejection of him as my husband and as a man.  I knew he had a *********** addiction, but not how badly.  And, he knew I hated it, and kept lieing about looking at it.  I would love to hear from older  men especially about this, as I am in my 50's and worried that i will never find a man who really respects women, and feels sex should be wanted by both. 

 

I read your post and instantly empathized but probably not in the way you think.

I am just under 50 and would happily make love every day if it were possible. But notice that there is a distinction. Making love and having sex, while physically similar, are really quite different. I didn't discover that until recently. The contrast is so stark that when you have experienced both, you will never, ever mistake them again.

We have not met and obviously I do not know you. All I can tell you is to have faith. There are men who know the difference and who do not mistake frequency for quality, and who will trade off one connection of quality against one hundred quick rolls in the hay. They are out there. Trust me. 

If nothing else, let me serve as a proof point that it exists.

 

Ummm Yes there are men out there not interested in sex - my spouse for example, we're going into our second year of no sex (well according to him I have to include the times that failed, one really lame quickie and two epic fails) It's not the dream boat you'd imagine - it's quite the opposite.

I would say look for someone who has a sex drive similar to yours.

 

Honestly, reply to me, I think most of the readers of this forum wished we had your problem. Relationships fall apart not too long after the sex stops.