on 01:00PM at Oct 27th, 2008
And what were your mistakes. A LOT of people seem to think that everyone always gets caught. That can't be true, because I know there are people out there who have had VERY long affairs and kept them discreet. My lover and I are both married. His wife is my best friend. Awful, I know. I know. Anyway, just curious who has been successful and keeping the secret, and who has blown it. And how?!
on 08:09PM at Nov 6th, 2008
Phone records caught me the first time. That was it though so I just played it off that we were only talking. Hopefully this time around nothing. But if anyone who has been caught has any tips as to how not to get caught I would love to hear them!
on 01:05AM at Dec 14th, 2008
I've been in my affair for over two years now. Her husband is my friend. Long story (Posting on the story side soon) But so far I've had only one slip up and I played it off well enough.
on 01:19PM at Dec 30th, 2008
When you talk to your lover, never use their name, use a name you use with your SO. As hard as it is to not talk about it with other people, don't. Best friends, SO's are often lovers, why not, they like the same person you do. Yes it is hard because they are your friend, but enjoy them anyway.
I personally think the amount of time I have in my married life prevents me from having an affair.
Good luck and enjoy your life.
on 01:10PM at Mar 18th, 2009
iam having an afair with 2 men been caught bye hubby, the first one is in fl and dont et to see much (well never have seen him) he is from my home town meet him on classmates.com and one thi n lead to another i fell in love with him but now it has come to he telling me about other women been at his house and him comin up here but stayin iwth someone else, he knows i love him but still doin all this and it hurts like heck, he is not married HELP!!! hubby caught us talking on line and i was planning on goin to see him, and now i cant do anything for him saying iam going to do something, and the other one is about 2hrs from me and married we have meet 2times but nothin sexually just some kissing, but again got caught and he got caught with wife by phonerecords we do still talk while he is at work and when i get home, we came close for all of us meeti ng and him and i was wanted for all of us to become friends, we used to talk every day but now i thi nk he is getti n afraid he still says he wants to meet again but iam not sure if he does or not, i want to be with both i do love both and myhusband but iam so confussed about what to do any more i have tired to end iut with the o ne in fl but i cant, i love my husband but iam not i n love with him, PLEASE HELP!!!
on 01:42PM at May 26th, 2009
One thing I've heard is to not get involved with anyone who has less to lose than you do. It helps if both parties clearly understand what each expects from the relationship and are comfortable with it, and what will happen if either of you get busted.
on 05:46PM at May 26th, 2009
I have managed to avoid being caught, but the last time I met with my friend, it was under the pretense of going out for drinks with some co-workers. However once I was alone with him, time slipped away from me. I tried to leave a couple of times, but he would ask for a few more minutes and I obliged. I got home at 4 a.m. Luckily my husband was asleep on the couch when I got home so I had the opportunity to hop in the shower and go to bed without my late night entry being an issue. But I don't know how I would have explained coming in so late had he been awake. It was very careless, and I am more careful now. I force myself to erase any text messages I send to him or receive from him immediately after I read them. I don't change my routine, and since we don't get together that much I don't have to account for a lot of time away from home. Not that it would necessarily be an issue anyway.
on 05:12AM at Jul 12th, 2009
From my experience, men in an affair are more reckless and think of the consequences less, they have all kinds of fantasies about coming to your house and having sex which is funny but a recipe for disaster, how the ripples can affect so many. My first affair was a disaster, he was an old friend and I really liked him alot. When my husband attacked me (strangled me), I went to my friends, and this guy was all over me like a rash. Our affair was quite open because I thought we were going to be together, my kids were even with me over at his place and we took his daughter to the zoo, the beach etc.
Told me he loved me. Then the problems started, he could not get it up and I was in a sexless marriage! Just my luck lol.
I went out with my girlfriends one night and then I went to my BF BUT in the morning my girlfriend rang my house to see if I got home OK, he thought I was with my girlfriends, ****.
Then he freaked and finished it with me, thanks mate, he got some sex and then got impotent and then bolted, I will never make those mistakes again to involve my kids and be so stupid, make sure that you keep your life seperate.
So now I try not tell anyone about my affair and I do not make anyone my beard, I say I am going for a work drink, or I am going to town be back tomorrow. He does not tell me every little thing so why should I? When in doubt, Say nothing.
Be discreet, ask questions e.g. when is a good time to ring, when are you free, and make sure that the other person respects that you have a lot to lose, unless they are prepared to pick up the pieces, do not let them ruin your life.
on 06:43PM at Jul 13th, 2009
Hi B, sorry to hear about your run of bad luck with the first affair. You are right about not letting them ruin your life. You are in the driver seat and a lot depends on you.
This brings me back to my drug dealer friend I will call H. He is not a drug user, just a dealer. He loves the money and has plenty of it stashed in his house, not bank. Cops and tax man hang around banks. Anyway, H said, first sign of trouble, regardless of whether its just your intuition or fact, get the hell out. Run!! Leave the money, the house and everything else, just run!
Ok how is this related to having an affair? H loves money the same way you love your lover, the sex and companionship, but first sign of trouble, be it intuition or fact, get the hell out!
Cause if you don't, you will be left with nothing...husband will divorce you, lover will bolt because he sees things are falling apart and kids? now husband is filing for full custody and you're praying your lawyer is better than his.
H does not have a big house, cadillac or fancy luxury items. He lives in the suburb modestly, drives a mid-size average car and works. Yes, you heard me he works. He bought a liquor store. Don't draw attention to yourself, and always, always have a cover or explanation why you got all this money. Thats where the liquor store comes in, a cover up.
Weird, but makes sense don't you think? Where's H now? haha not tellin...
on 09:32PM at Aug 2nd, 2009
I not only got caught having an affair, but I got caught swinging with my lover. I admitted everything in detail and asked my wife to swing with me. She refuses. I really want to return to swinging. I absolutely loved it!
on 08:31AM at Nov 24th, 2009
I had to just come out with it and tell my wife before she found out from the growing number of people that knew.
on 05:06PM at Dec 10th, 2009
I've been very successful in having an affair. I'm married, my lover is married. This is my second affair. It all started 15 years ago and I never, ever get caught.
on 05:42PM at Dec 10th, 2009
Well Enchanted! sounds like you have much good advice to impart to those of us here. I certainly would to know how you do it! I want what I have to last a very, very long time.
on 08:58PM at Sep 7th, 2010
I've been involved for over 3 years in an emotional affair, that we have kept very discreet. It's difficult to sometimes function in both worlds, but I have never regreted it and have learned much from my partner
on 07:31AM at Sep 8th, 2010
I had an affair for almost 5 years (just recently ended). I got caught, sort of, about 2 years into the affair when my wife went into my email account and read a message from my lover. there was nothing explicit, just some things that would be highly unusual for 2 people who are just friends to be saying to one another. i had to plead guilty to a lesser offense - that of having a flirtatious but otherwise innocuous affair.
steps i have taken to avoid discovery since then - new secret email address used for this purpose only. using internet explorer InPrivate feature (Ctrl-Shift-P while in web browser) - no traces are left of where you've been on the web. i use pay as you go cell phone. and keeping to routine as much as possible.
on 09:55PM at Jan 27th, 2011
You are having ANOTHER affair? Didn't the first scare tell you something - like it was hurting yout marraige partner? How caould you look in the mirror and live with yourself?
on 11:17PM at Feb 1st, 2011
some wives show no intimacy at all to their spouses...don't be so judgemental
on 11:27PM at Feb 1st, 2011
I have not gotten caught but he suspects something is up. So no I am very discreet and I try to stick to my routine so as to not set off his suspicions.
on 09:46AM at Apr 3rd, 2011
I still can't believe how indiscreet men can be.
I think women are much more discreet because we are more aware of the ripples.
My lover continues to text me without checking if I am alone first! We are supposed to txt S? first to see if it is safe I do it but he never does!!
I love him so much but it is almost as if he wants me to get caught!
on 10:46PM at Apr 15th, 2012
I was caught. 3 mths into my affair with my current bf I left my cell unlocked & fell asleep. I left a little of our conversation which hubby read & I lied my way out of it, sorta. After he was more suspicious and when I thought he was sleep I started texting my bf & hubby grabbed my cell & read everything in it & called my bf.
Its been a year, back with hubby who accepts the bf now & realizes he was a major part of our marriage issues. I'm still with both men.