I Am In a Long Distance Relationship - Forum & Chat Board | Unique Situation--24/7 to Long Distance- Anyone been there? Any Advice????

Okay, this is (I think) a pretty unique situation, spanning several different forums, I'm sure.  

I had 2 businesses in Florida.  One in the Orlando area (where I live), and one in Ft. Myers (around 4 hours away).  Around a year ago, I met this guy at a friend's party in Ft Myers.  Over the next couple of months, it went from a flirtation with major chemistry (which I resisted because he was 29 and I was 44--I know, that would be the age-gap/cougar forum...lol), to friends-with benefits (because of the distance), to a totally insane deeply in love soul mate thing....

He had a great job as Executive Chef at a prestigious private club ,which he left to move to Orlando to be with me, figuring there would be no problem getting a job at one of the many large resorts/hotels catering to the tourist trade...but the economy was crashing and jobs got scarce.  I worked from home, so we were more or less together 24 hours a day.   Then the economy actually DID crash, I had to close my businesses, his savings were running out and we had to do something......which ended up being him moving to Los Angeles, while I stayed behind in Florida to get the houses emptied out and all the loose ends gotten rid of.   We're HOPING for me to be able to get there in 4-6 months.

So, this relationship started out as a (negligible) long-distance relationship, went (for 9 months) as a totally together all the time relationship, and is now a bi-coastal relationship (with the attendant 3-hour time difference).

I find myself falling into depression (I think).   The house is empty, he's not there, and it feels like we're living different lives because of the time difference.   I'm so used to him being there for me ALL the time, and his absence is acutely felt.  He gets the brunt of it sometimes, when my insecurity about the age difference and him just not being available to me all the time throws me into "meltdown mode".  He's understanding and supportive and has become a professional at "talking me of the ledge" of my meltdown.  I've never been a needy person, and I'm finding myself in that category too much lately, which is disturbing to me on too many different levels for me to even get into.

My question (finally) is...has anybody been there?   What coping mechanisms did you use to get you through?  Any advice?  I'm willing to listen to anything that can get me through this....

I'm not trying to minimize the difficulty of couples involved in long-distance relationships who met online, or whose relationships have ALWAYS been long-distance.  I just think a whole different set of variables and difficulties come into play when the relationship goes from being one in which both people are used to being together all the time on a day-in day out basis and THEN have to deal with....I guess the term would be "separation anxiety"....

Any suggestions or advice would be most appreciated.....

I was with my boyfriend for 4years before we did a year long distance due to varying study goals.  So we went from a year living just the two of us to being 3days drive away and seeing each other about once every 4months. 

It was incredibly difficult on a lot of levels, it helped knowing it was temporary - we have been back under the same roof, more or less, for the last 6months.  And if anything, the experience has strengthened us.

Do you have a webcam?  I would suggest getting one and signing up to skype - which is either free or very cheap - and set up a once a week date to talk to each other on it - seeing each other face to face made a heap of difference to me.

Get yourself busy - pick a new hobby to try or get back in touch with old friends - the more you are out and about the less you have time to mope and miss him - and then you will also have fun things to talk about when you do chat to him next.

Those were the things that worked best for me.  Keep your chin up, best of luck, Aurora

I understand how you feel. I'm in the same situation.

Last year I was doing a master degree in the UK and I met the love of my life. He is an American and I am from Belgium.

We spent a lot of time together and ended up moving in together for four months during the summer.

Then we both had to go home. We went from 24/7 together to a time difference of 6 hours and seeing each other an hour every day on webcam.

I understand why you feel like you're going into a depression. I went through it. The only advice I could give you is to try and find enjoyable things to do. I know it's not easy.

My boyfriend and I have been together now for over a year and we're still going strong. I have tried to do different courses in the States so we could at least be together then. So far that has been going ok. I'm in the States at the moment, but I'll be leaving in 2 weeks, not looking forward to saying goodbye again.

I guess the most important thing is that you have something to look forward too. It helps when things get difficult.

Also please know that you are not alone in this situation. I've had many a time when my boyfriend had to calm me down because I was panicking over webcam. It happens, there are a lot of emotions in this situation.

I hope everything works out for you and you will be together again soon :-)

I don't have specific advice about your situation, but I do have some about your meltdowns.  You need to get control of that.  If the way you do that needs to be temporarily taking anti-depressants, than get that done.  You might be able to control it with exercise, meditation, yoga, or a combination of these coping mechanisms.

You're receiving positive feedback as he "talks you down"; this is intense emotional support.  But this is draining to him,  and the lack of trust you're showing may start to wear severely on him.

Don't blow what might be a wonderful forever relationship on some temporary insecurity.  You can share the challenges you're feeling with your partner, without all the drama.  Let him know that you trust him, love him, and although you miss him horribly (and it can't hurt to explain to him, in detail, how you plan on showing him how you've missed him), you know it will all work out for the best.

I'm in a similar situation too. My boyfriend and I met last september at our university. We fell in love (soulmate thing too) and practically moved in together (same apartment building one floor apart), spent each day together (except for some weekends when he had tornaments) and at the end of the year he even came to stay with me at home for 3 weeks. The problem is we live in two different states (michigan and seattle, 2,500 miles) and during this summer we're apart. So we went from every sinlge day and night together to none over night. 3 months of summer apart.

I was a wreck in the beginning. Depressed (no appetite, wanted to sleep all day, nothing was fun) and broke down at least 4 or 5 times a day. I'm a pretty dependent person so it was no surprise but it was and still is one of the hardest things of my life.

There's still a month and a half to go until i can fly out to visit him and I cry once everyday still. But we talk everyday (online, phone) so that helps. The mornings are hardest when I wake up and he's not in my arms. And everyday I think how can this go faster, I need it to speed up.

What has helped me is hanging out with friends, getting deeply involved in books and the internet and talking to him daily.

I also plan to start a work out routine next week.

Not much help I know. But at least it's always good to know other people are in your situation too. I wish you the best!

I know exactly how you feel - my relationship went from a lot of contact, from being pretty much best friends to long distance twice... and it still is. :/

I echo another's comment to take control of your depression with meds and perhaps some group therapy. Also, make sure you get out there, see your friends and keep yourself going for yourself! :)

well it looks like a lot of us have been through the same thing, ive never had the 24/7 with my man we randomly met through friends and he spent the next 4 nights with me then left (hes in the army) so not only am i doing the LDR thing but im also involved in the military life now, i know how it is when you wake up in the morning and just want to close your eyes and cry because hes not there, or when you have dreams of him being next to you and you wakeup alone. the only thing i can tell you that will help is having good communication, im so lucky that my boyfriend is able to express how he feels about me through mere words, when i see him it makes everything just fall into place.

just make sure its worth it, and that you are completely committed, if it wasnt for my boyfriend i would have never considered this, but id rather be with him then not.

no one said it was easy, but it is completely worth it when i fall asleep in his arms, if you ever need to talk feel free :) youll get through it and you always have us to chat with :)