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I Am In An Almost Sexless Marriage

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 699 People

    Vacation Why?

    So DW, who has gone out of her way to reject and emasculate me, is trying to plan a vacation. Who cares why go and spend the money, so I can be rejected in a hotel bed? I just do not get it , is she so deluded that planning this is going to change something?
    draumr draumr
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Jul 23, 2013

    I Need To Lower My Expectations

    There must be just hundreds of you that could relate. You understand your spouse has no interest in intimacy but yet you still remain hopeful.   For days and weeks at a time you try to peel away anything that remotely seems like pressure for sex. You never make overtures...
    PC2629 PC2629
    56-60, M
    9 Responses Apr 28, 2012

    Lack Of Intimacy With Partner Is Ruining My Self Image And Making Me Insecure

    I feel ashamed. I am ashamed that my partner does not want make love to me anymore. I am feeling desperate and alone. I am lost. I am confused. The rejection hurts and my hurt is turning into a list, from A-Z of every ugly emotion possible (which is only making it worse). I have...
    lake1107 lake1107
    31-35, F
    9 Responses Oct 30, 2012

    The Bead Method

    found "The Bead Method" online and intend to try it out. Check out the article below. Has anyone here already tried it? What was your experience? Thanks... ************************************************** Feel Like Having Sex? by Mark Gungor I just received yet another email...
    mls2878 mls2878
    56-60, M
    Oct 25, 2013

    Almost....but Not Quite....

    I guess the term "almost" could mean something different for different people. To me it means very infrequent. It also refers to a general lack of intimacy and affection. It means sleeping alone frequently. It also refers to what someone once called "plain vanilla" love...
    deleted deleted
    3 Responses Nov 2, 2012

    Marriage Void Of Intimacy

    We've been married 14 years. Everything is great except there is no passion and little to no intimacy. He even told me recently that he has sex with me only out of obligation. He said it like it was a good thing. This has been going on for about the last 4 years. I have tried...
    1 Response Feb 3, 2013

    I Wonder What It's Like

    I wonder what it's like... To receive a text at work, just because she's thinking of you and can't wait until you get home. To be greeted at the door with her wearing next to nothing, or maybe nothing at all. To slip into the shower without her asking, "what are you doing in...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater
    51-55, M
    1 Response Sep 19, 2013

    Is It Wrong To "count?"

    First some background.  I am in what I consider an almost sexless marriage.  Like many of you, mine did not start out that way but has ended up there.  I have struggled for years to make my wife understand how important sexual intimacy is to me.  Obviously, I have done a poor...
    deleted deleted
    12 Responses Mar 2, 2012


    At what point does "an almost" become "a"? It seems my wife and I are falling further and further apart as far as the sexual relationships go. I try, but am apparently doing everything wrong. I love her to death, can't imagine my life without her, don't think she would survive...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response May 13, 2013

    I Have A Question That Gets Ignored At The Appropriate Question Spot On This Site, But I Think It's Relevant Here.

    This is what I wrote, "How do I frame the question of why my wife continues to fall asleep with the kids more than 6 of 7 nights for 8+ year" The result of her falling asleep is that we have no alone time at night without kids. Also, she seems to have been allowing the kids to...
    stone022 stone022
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Aug 11, 2013

    Time To Take Back Control

    My story is just like most people's on here. I've been married for almost 10 years and haven't had a good sex life for all of them. We've had 100's of discussions and arguments about the lack of intimacy with no change. All the arguments basically come down to the "chicken and...
    deleted deleted
    3 Responses May 8, 2012

    My Friends Want To Swap .. I Think .. Hope .. I Must Be Imagining This

    At my birthday party, a couple we have been friends with for many years suggested that we wife swap. It is not the first time they have suggested it.  We flirt with each other all the time.  But my wife laughs it off and says they are kidding.  Maybe the first time 15 years...
    Adam4Eve Adam4Eve
    51-55, M
    2 Responses Dec 2, 2013

    Does Counseling Ever Help?

    Is. Counseling really going to help with a sexless marriage. Would love to hear what experiences folks are willing to share.
    LeftCoast2 LeftCoast2
    41-45, M
    3 Responses Nov 24, 2012

    25, Alone And Married.

    I’ve been perusing these support forums all over the web for the past few months. Looking for answers, looking for advice, trying to make sure it wasn’t just me out there experiencing this. Needless to say, I’m hardly alone, though it certainly feels that way. I’m...
    deleted deleted
    8 Responses Aug 22, 2012

    Sexless Marriage, Resentment And Commonality.

    I found this forum looking for a bit of daily consolation and a tidbit to carry forward. Searching for help on these marital topics brings the reminder that our problems/difficulties are experienced the world over. Thanks all. Be proactive and have a daily plan folks. It's going...
    robgibson726 robgibson726
    41-45, M
    1 Response Jan 16, 2013

    Craving Intimacy

    My wife of almost 7 years have had a strained relationship for a few months. It is like her sex drive was turned off. I don't get a sense of physical desire on her part any longer. We hug and kiss, and here recently it has gotten better, but it doesn't seem to measure up to...
    compressingfool compressingfool
    26-30, M
    Nov 8, 2012

    Less Than One Year Of Marriage...

    We have been together since we were 18, married now for less than one year. Sex never seems to happen unless it is a weekend and he is drunk. We often go 3-4 weeks without having sex. It was like this before we got married, and when we do have sex it is once a month at best. Even...
    someoneyouusedtoknow someoneyouusedtoknow
    22-25, F
    6 Responses May 7, 2012

    Brother-in-laws Touch

    As I stated before I long for anal sex, and for some reason am not having any luck. Last Thursday evening we had my husbands brother and his wife over for dinner, and a couple of drinks. Just as dinner was getting over my sister-in-law got a phone call, she excused...
    mrsmarleen mrsmarleen
    61-65, F
    14 Responses Jul 6, 2011

    A Half Assed Attempt...

    So, yesterday I almost had sex. My hubby was going to be at work and I was really horny...I mean really horny. So I dress up like a **** and I'm going to go to the sex toy shop to buy a few things. I have a short skirt on, my foxtail butt plug hanging below the seamline, my sheer...
    deleted deleted
    7 Responses Sep 2, 2012

    13 Years And Counting...maybe

    I love my husband. He is a great father and a good husband. He cares about me and my needs except for sexually. We used to have a great sex life until he became ill and depressed. He is now better on both but he sex drive has never recovered. When we first got together we would...
    LadylushT LadylushT
    3 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    I live in a nearly sexless marriage.

    Once every month or so, we have intercourse. Sometimes less. She has an extremely low libido, whereas I have a very high one. This is how it has always been. Aaaagh! It is so sexually frustrating. I wind up starring at the ceiling for three hours afterward. I should be...
    Adam4Eve Adam4Eve
    51-55, M
    1 Response Jan 26, 2014

    Letter To My Wife

    So we had another argument of this fun issue and I decide to send her an email about how I felt. I'm guessing it will fall on deaf ears, but at least she can't say I don't communicate with her. Two nights ago, the rare event happened where she initiated. Things were going fine...
    deleted deleted
    26 Responses Jun 8, 2012

    Maybe It's Me

    I've done some searching on EP, and I can't find the opposite to this group. Something like, "My husband wants to have sex all the time." Or, "All my wife thinks about is sex." Maybe those who are on the withholding end don't have the same desire to unburden themselves...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater
    51-55, M
    2 Responses Sep 19, 2013

    I Sometimes Feel Guilty

    We have been married for over 20 years and I love my husband dearly. For most of our marriage, we had a great sex life. But in the last two of years, morbid obesity and the related health problems have made it impossible for him to have sexual intercourse with me.At first, we...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response May 2, 2012

    To Special Friends

    I'm married in an almost sexless marriage and have gotten used to ************ at least once a day to relieve my sexual tension. While the wife could be satisfied with twice a year, I would be fine with 3 times a day. While on a social network, I noticed that a friend would...
    BasicDesire BasicDesire
    56-60, M
    Apr 29, 2013

    The Psychology Of It

    I live in a sexless marriage. It is nobody’s fault.  My wife has her sex drive.  I have mine.  If she lived with a man who liked to have basic sex about once every month or so, they would be in sexual bliss.  If I lived with a woman who liked to play, and flirt, and get it...
    Adam4Eve Adam4Eve
    51-55, M
    1 Response Nov 27, 2013

    Ever Wonder What Would Have Been If You Hadn't Said "hi"?

    I look back at that night on the dance floor and wonder what would have happened if I didn't ask for that number. I often ask myself what could have been if I hadn't called back after that first date, or pursued the exgf that had wanted to get back together around the time I met...
    deleted deleted
    7 Responses May 21, 2012

    When Do You Consider It A Sexless Marriage??

    I haven't had sex in 6 weeks.. We would normally have sex at least 2 x a week. For a little over a week, he's been in the spare bedroom.. Told him i need my space to figure things out and that I don't know if the marriage is right anymore. The whole relationship started negative...
    SexyRed33 SexyRed33
    31-35, F
    5 Responses Feb 4, 2013


    We had an item in the local news last week where a female prison guard was caught having sex with a male inmate. The first thought that popped into my head was that an inmate was having more sex than I, a married man, was having. I was actually jealous for a moment that a convict...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater
    51-55, M
    4 Responses Nov 25, 2013

    I Am The Refuser - But I Don't Want To Be

    After reading a lot of the stories here, I can guess that many people are frustrated with the refusers in their marriage. I am here because I am seeking advice and don't know who to talk to. I don't want to involve my family and we have tried therapy. To start from the beginning...
    lonelybella85 lonelybella85
    4 Responses Nov 29, 2012

    Help Need To Be Held And Have Sex Soon

    i am only 36 my husband is 41 we do not hardly ever have sex i am going crazy is it because he has hit a certain age or what the heck i am not dead we have been to gether for 21 years i need something more what to do
    turleyj turleyj
    36-40, F
    3 Responses May 2, 2012

    Wants And Needs

       There was a sex confession that caught my imagination called 'Mirror Image'. I think it would be super cool to sit and watch this happen. I wanna see him get soooo hard. And then I want him to ****  me hard. Fast. Rough. Maybe it'll get beat out of my system and I won't sit...
    Indie42 Indie42
    46-50, F
    2 Responses Jun 7, 2012

    Does Romance, Love, Sex Have To Die Off When You Get In Your 40's??

    I've been reading other similar posts on nearly sexless marriages, frustrations with low or no drive or if it does happen just being so-so or just going through the motions...I am in my mid 40's and didn't anticipate that that part of my life would be so disappointing (so soon...
    PL466 PL466
    46-50, F
    11 Responses Aug 17, 2011

    The Braille Wife

    I got to wondering the other day how long it's been since I've seen my wife naked. This may seem an odd comment as we do occasionally have sex (or I'd be in the other group). But on those rare occasions when she's in the mood, she will only make love in the bedroom, at night...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater
    51-55, M
    2 Responses Jul 10, 2013

    Things Do Get Better

    I posted in ILIASM and also I am the refuser in a sexless marriage. I am not going to repost but i just want to say refusers can gradually change. In my case something jarring had to happen to wake me up to my husbands feelings. four years later we are in a great place. I wish...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Dec 28, 2012

    Excuses Are All They Are

    A story this week and the responses have touched me deeply. I have been in a duty sex or sexless marriage for years. My wife’s says I have anger issues. I yell when I am really pissed off and I resort to name calling. Now I am a person that can get angry - but this week a...
    51-55, M
    2 Responses Sep 29, 2013

    Frustrated And Hopeless

    I have been monitoring this group as well as ILIASM, and I have never found a situation that quite matches mine. In a nutshell, my sex life is infrequent, predictable, and boring. However, the main problem is my chronic inability to talk to my wife about anything sexual, and my...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater
    51-55, M
    4 Responses Feb 7, 2013

    Not Sure What To Do Next....

    Well where to begin, I have been married for 24 years I am 43 and I still love my wife dearly with all my heart. We have two wonderful kids of collage age. I am an ex-military man that has adapted to civilian life as an electrical engineer. I am an A typical personality and...
    Mrwholehog Mrwholehog
    41-45, M
    2 Responses Apr 5, 2012

    I Stay For The Money??

    I'm a ILIASM member and I think one of the biggest reason I stay with my SO is for the money. It's not that simple really, but sometimes it is. I've been in a sexless marriage for 13 years and have grown accustomed to my lifestyle. We are NOT rich, but we live a nice life where I...
    Rousana Rousana
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Oct 25, 2012

    I think I finally figured out a relevant

    question. What is the point of us being together if you don't want to be with me, sexually and otherwise?
    stone022 stone022
    46-50, M
    Aug 26, 2014

    Getting More Confident Since Identifying With Many

    So now, I have read many stories on this site that have hit so close to the nail on the head, that it has literally resulted in a change in my attitude and my actions. I know what a "refuser" is, and how long ago she actually "checked out" of our f***ed up relationship. I have...
    exstranger exstranger
    46-50, M
    5 Responses Oct 5, 2012

    I Guess It Really Is Me

    Posting is this forum over the last few months has allowed me to examine my relationship much more closely and face some issues that I really didn't want to deal with. Namely, me. I've always been one for ignoring a problem until it goes away, or until I become so numb to it...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater
    51-55, M
    4 Responses Oct 1, 2013

    Another Night In A Hidden Rage.

    Boy you would think the four books on relationships, sex, and marrage I'm reading would drive the point home. After the talk a year ago about 'not wanting a roommate'. Arghh I sleep more on the couch now. Just tired of getting no responce.
    KobayashiMaru KobayashiMaru
    1 Response Mar 25, 2012

    Almost Sexless Marriage Parameters

    Like everyone else I've read that 10 times or less a year is considered sexless. Now what parameters do you give Almost Sexless? The easy answer would to simply give a different number such 10-20 times a year. But I think "Almost sexless" is comprised of marriages with many...
    PC2629 PC2629
    56-60, M
    15 Responses Jan 5, 2012

    At A Crossroad

    I applaud everyone for sharing their stories here. I know it takes courage to do so. This is uncomfortable to share, but maybe it will be cathartic for me. This story has been several years in the making and it’s not a situation that I ever thought I would be in, but I’m...
    deleted deleted
    9 Responses Jun 11, 2012

    Is This Why?

    Note: I've tried to figure where to put this on EP, but I also wonder if this happens to me because I don't get much sex... Anyone? I'm certain other women have experienced this... getting turned on, even to the point of ******, in the strangest places. People crack jokes all the...
    Indie42 Indie42
    46-50, F
    4 Responses Aug 22, 2012


    The sex is there, it's just that he **** so quickly. I don't get to finish and am left hanging. Guess I should just lay there but no, then I still wouldn't get off. It ******* sucks.
    sizzzlin69 sizzzlin69
    36-40, F
    10 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Where To Go From Here.

    My husband of 12 years recently caught me with some online foolishness and here I am again reaching out longline for answers. He is a good man, good to the kids, but sees me as an extension of them. We have almost no sex, and when we do he is desperate not to finish bc of...
    Queenoffake Queenoffake
    46-50, F
    Apr 16, 2013

    Reality Hits Hard.

    I write this, not as a means of trying to start conversations, just as a means of expressing myself and how I feel regarding the recent situations in my life.   Right now I find myself in a very melancholy state as I begin to truly realize that there is no way that she can find...
    mythos52003 mythos52003
    41-45, M
    4 Responses Feb 9, 2012

    Its In The Contract

    No, there isn't really a contract but it is so scheduled there might as well be. I get sex three times a month as long as his back is ok, and apparently I am suppose to be ok with that...hmmmm, not so much anymore.
    SimplyGlorious SimplyGlorious
    41-45, F
    6 Responses Apr 10, 2012

    The Experiment

    To be fair, my wife almost never refuses when I initiate. Our problem, as I have written about before, is that she never initiates, and as I am hesitant to do so, our sex life is almost non-existent. I was on a news website the other day and I saw an article pop up from Men's...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater
    51-55, M
    6 Responses Jun 20, 2013

    Missing Out

    So in the last week or so it's been Xmas and my birthday. You'd think that both of those days would be guaranteed but no, still haven't had any for either occasion
    Davo2800 Davo2800
    26-30, M
    1 Response Dec 25, 2012

    If Sex Is To Happen,,, Ever... It's Always Up To Me To Initiate It.

    And the quality of the passion recieved is not all that great. We're in a 30 year dedicated marriage. Not once has she ever initiated a sexual encounter. Sex seems almost mechanical from her. Affection has always been lacking. Zero public affection, If I didn't initiate it...
    Ndullgent1 Ndullgent1
    51-55, M
    20 Responses Dec 5, 2010


    Its horrible, i feel unwanted, needy, desperate for the touch of a woman, i feel ugly, i am full of passion and love to give and so so desperade.
    Poems Poems
    31-35, M
    1 Response May 4, 2013

    Reality Check

    This is a reality check for all you people who think you are in an "almost" sexless marriage. Although by technicality you might not qualify to be in a sexless marriage based on the magic number of 10 encounters/year or less, functionally you have the same problem. If you're...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo
    36-40, M
    2 Responses Dec 14, 2011

    I Don't Belong Here.

    An internet acquaintance told me about this group. I don't think excited is the right word to describe how I felt about joining. Maybe it was more like... relief? It was comforting to see I wasn't alone. But, then, once I got here and started reading everyone's stories, I...
    seattlechick seattlechick
    31-35, F
    5 Responses May 30, 2012
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