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I Am In An Almost Sexless Marriage

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 731 People

    Does Romance, Love, Sex Have To Die Off When You Get In Your 40's??

    I've been reading other similar posts on nearly sexless marriages, frustrations with low or no drive or if it does happen just being so-so or just going through the motions...I am in my mid 40's and didn't anticipate that that part of my life would be so disappointing (so soon...
    PL466 PL466 46-50, F 13 Responses Aug 17, 2011

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    Excuses Are All They Are

    A story this week and the responses have touched me deeply. I have been in a duty sex or sexless marriage for years. My wife’s says I have anger issues. I yell when I am really pissed off and I resort to name calling. Now I am a person that can get angry - but this week a...
    NWFLMan NWFLMan 51-55, M 2 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Horrible

    Its horrible, i feel unwanted, needy, desperate for the touch of a woman, i feel ugly, i am full of passion and love to give and so so desperade.
    Poems Poems 31-35, M May 4, 2013

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    To Special Friends

    I'm married in an almost sexless marriage and have gotten used to ************ at least once a day to relieve my sexual tension. While the wife could be satisfied with twice a year, I would be fine with 3 times a day. While on a social network, I noticed that a friend would...
    BasicDesire BasicDesire 56-60, M Apr 29, 2013

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    My Wife From Then, To Now!

    When my wife and I met, it was love at first sight. As we got to know eachother, we knew we would be together, and eventually get married. We get along very well, and still do even with the issue at hand. The issue we face at this moment is her slowly diminishing sex drive. For...
    experienceman11 experienceman11 46-50, M 6 Responses Feb 5, 2013

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    Wants And Needs

       There was a sex confession that caught my imagination called 'Mirror Image'. I think it would be super cool to sit and watch this happen. I wanna see him get soooo hard. And then I want him to ****  me hard. Fast. Rough. Maybe it'll get beat out of my system and I won't sit...
    Indie42 Indie42 46-50, F 4 Responses Jun 7, 2012

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    I Don'T Want To "Hope" Anymore

    Hoping just sets you up for heartache and frustration.
    LostInTheWoulds LostInTheWoulds 46-50, M 6 Responses Apr 16, 2013

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    Is This Why?

    Note: I've tried to figure where to put this on EP, but I also wonder if this happens to me because I don't get much sex... Anyone? I'm certain other women have experienced this... getting turned on, even to the point of ******, in the strangest places. People crack jokes all the...
    Indie42 Indie42 46-50, F 4 Responses Aug 22, 2012

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    25, Alone And Married.

    I’ve been perusing these support forums all over the web for the past few months. Looking for answers, looking for advice, trying to make sure it wasn’t just me out there experiencing this. Needless to say, I’m hardly alone, though it certainly feels that way. I’m...
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Aug 22, 2012

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    Lack Of Intimacy With Partner Is Ruining My Self Image And Making Me Insecure

    I feel ashamed. I am ashamed that my partner does not want make love to me anymore. I am feeling desperate and alone. I am lost. I am confused. The rejection hurts and my hurt is turning into a list, from A-Z of every ugly emotion possible (which is only making it worse). I have...
    lake1107 lake1107 31-35, F 12 Responses Oct 30, 2012

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    I Stay For The Money??

    I'm a ILIASM member and I think one of the biggest reason I stay with my SO is for the money. It's not that simple really, but sometimes it is. I've been in a sexless marriage for 13 years and have grown accustomed to my lifestyle. We are NOT rich, but we live a nice life where I...
    Rousana Rousana 41-45, F 2 Responses Oct 25, 2012

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    A Half Assed Attempt...

    So, yesterday I almost had sex. My hubby was going to be at work and I was really horny...I mean really horny. So I dress up like a **** and I'm going to go to the sex toy shop to buy a few things. I have a short skirt on, my foxtail butt plug hanging below the seamline, my sheer...
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    Maybe It's Me

    I've done some searching on EP, and I can't find the opposite to this group. Something like, "My husband wants to have sex all the time." Or, "All my wife thinks about is sex." Maybe those who are on the withholding end don't have the same desire to unburden themselves...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 46-50, M 2 Responses Sep 19, 2013

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    I Have A Question That Gets Ignored At The Appropriate Question Spot On This Site, But I Think It's Relevant Here.

    This is what I wrote, "How do I frame the question of why my wife continues to fall asleep with the kids more than 6 of 7 nights for 8+ year" The result of her falling asleep is that we have no alone time at night without kids. Also, she seems to have been allowing the kids to...
    stone022 stone022 41-45, M 3 Responses Aug 11, 2013

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    The Experiment

    To be fair, my wife almost never refuses when I initiate. Our problem, as I have written about before, is that she never initiates, and as I am hesitant to do so, our sex life is almost non-existent. I was on a news website the other day and I saw an article pop up from Men's...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 46-50, M 6 Responses Jun 20, 2013

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    The Psychology Of It

    I live in a sexless marriage. It is nobody’s fault.  My wife has her sex drive.  I have mine.  If she lived with a man who liked to have basic sex about once every month or so, they would be in sexual bliss.  If I lived with a woman who liked to play, and flirt, and get it...
    Adam4Eve Adam4Eve 51-55, M 1 Response Nov 27, 2013

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    When Do You Consider It A Sexless Marriage??

    I haven't had sex in 6 weeks.. We would normally have sex at least 2 x a week. For a little over a week, he's been in the spare bedroom.. Told him i need my space to figure things out and that I don't know if the marriage is right anymore. The whole relationship started negative...
    SexyRed33 SexyRed33 31-35, F 5 Responses Feb 4, 2013

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    Is It Wrong To "count?"

    First some background.  I am in what I consider an almost sexless marriage.  Like many of you, mine did not start out that way but has ended up there.  I have struggled for years to make my wife understand how important sexual intimacy is to me.  Obviously, I have done a poor...
    deleted deleted 26-30 15 Responses Mar 2, 2012

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    Invitations And Acceptance

    Last night, my wife and I were enjoying a quiet evening in. My wife was sitting in her chair doing a crossword puzzle, one of her favorite things to do. It got late, and I decided I needed to go to bed so I could get up in the morning. As I got up to go upstairs, I kissed her and...
    LostInTheWoulds LostInTheWoulds 46-50, M 10 Responses Feb 13, 2013

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    My Friends Want To Swap .. I Think .. Hope .. I Must Be Imagining This

    At my birthday party, a couple we have been friends with for many years suggested that we wife swap. It is not the first time they have suggested it.  We flirt with each other all the time.  But my wife laughs it off and says they are kidding.  Maybe the first time 15 years...
    Adam4Eve Adam4Eve 51-55, M 3 Responses Dec 2, 2013

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    At A Crossroad

    I applaud everyone for sharing their stories here. I know it takes courage to do so. This is uncomfortable to share, but maybe it will be cathartic for me. This story has been several years in the making and it’s not a situation that I ever thought I would be in, but I’m...
    deleted deleted 26-30 10 Responses Jun 11, 2012

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    Ever Wonder What Would Have Been If You Hadn't Said "hi"?

    I look back at that night on the dance floor and wonder what would have happened if I didn't ask for that number. I often ask myself what could have been if I hadn't called back after that first date, or pursued the exgf that had wanted to get back together around the time I met...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses May 21, 2012

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    The Bead Method

    found "The Bead Method" online and intend to try it out. Check out the article below. Has anyone here already tried it? What was your experience? Thanks... ************************************************** Feel Like Having Sex? by Mark Gungor I just received yet another email...
    mls2878 mls2878 56-60, M Oct 25, 2013

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    I think I finally figured out a relevant

    question. What is the point of us being together if you don't want to be with me, sexually and otherwise?
    stone022 stone022 41-45, M Aug 26

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    The Braille Wife

    I got to wondering the other day how long it's been since I've seen my wife naked. This may seem an odd comment as we do occasionally have sex (or I'd be in the other group). But on those rare occasions when she's in the mood, she will only make love in the bedroom, at night...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 46-50, M 2 Responses Jul 10, 2013

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    If Sex Is To Happen,,, Ever... It's Always Up To Me To Initiate It.

    And the quality of the passion recieved is not all that great. We're in a 30 year dedicated marriage. Not once has she ever initiated a sexual encounter. Sex seems almost mechanical from her. Affection has always been lacking. Zero public affection, If I didn't initiate it...
    Ndullgent1 Ndullgent1 51-55, M 21 Responses Dec 5, 2010

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    Another Night In A Hidden Rage.

    Boy you would think the four books on relationships, sex, and marrage I'm reading would drive the point home. After the talk a year ago about 'not wanting a roommate'. Arghh I sleep more on the couch now. Just tired of getting no responce.
    KobayashiMaru KobayashiMaru 36-40 2 Responses Mar 25, 2012

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    Incarcerated

    We had an item in the local news last week where a female prison guard was caught having sex with a male inmate. The first thought that popped into my head was that an inmate was having more sex than I, a married man, was having. I was actually jealous for a moment that a convict...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 46-50, M 2 Responses Nov 25, 2013

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    Reality Check

    This is a reality check for all you people who think you are in an "almost" sexless marriage. Although by technicality you might not qualify to be in a sexless marriage based on the magic number of 10 encounters/year or less, functionally you have the same problem. If you're...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 2 Responses Dec 14, 2011

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    Sexless Marriage, Resentment And Commonality.

    I found this forum looking for a bit of daily consolation and a tidbit to carry forward. Searching for help on these marital topics brings the reminder that our problems/difficulties are experienced the world over. Thanks all. Be proactive and have a daily plan folks. It's going...
    robgibson726 robgibson726 41-45, M 1 Response Jan 16, 2013

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    I Guess It Really Is Me

    Posting is this forum over the last few months has allowed me to examine my relationship much more closely and face some issues that I really didn't want to deal with. Namely, me. I've always been one for ignoring a problem until it goes away, or until I become so numb to it...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 46-50, M 3 Responses Oct 1, 2013

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    Frustrated And Hopeless

    I have been monitoring this group as well as ILIASM, and I have never found a situation that quite matches mine. In a nutshell, my sex life is infrequent, predictable, and boring. However, the main problem is my chronic inability to talk to my wife about anything sexual, and my...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 46-50, M 5 Responses Feb 7, 2013

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    Brother-in-laws Touch

    As I stated before I long for anal sex, and for some reason am not having any luck. Last Thursday evening we had my husbands brother and his wife over for dinner, and a couple of drinks. Just as dinner was getting over my sister-in-law got a phone call, she excused...
    mrsmarleen mrsmarleen 61-65, F 18 Responses Jul 6, 2011

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    I live in a nearly sexless marriage.

    Once every month or so, we have intercourse. Sometimes less. She has an extremely low libido, whereas I have a very high one. This is how it has always been. Aaaagh! It is so sexually frustrating. I wind up starring at the ceiling for three hours afterward. I should be...
    Adam4Eve Adam4Eve 51-55, M 2 Responses Jan 26

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    I Need To Lower My Expectations

    There must be just hundreds of you that could relate. You understand your spouse has no interest in intimacy but yet you still remain hopeful.   For days and weeks at a time you try to peel away anything that remotely seems like pressure for sex. You never make overtures...
    PC2629 PC2629 56-60, M 9 Responses Apr 28, 2012

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    Reality Hits Hard.

    I write this, not as a means of trying to start conversations, just as a means of expressing myself and how I feel regarding the recent situations in my life.   Right now I find myself in a very melancholy state as I begin to truly realize that there is no way that she can find...
    mythos52003 mythos52003 41-45, M 5 Responses Feb 9, 2012

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    Things It Took Me A While To Figure Out

    The overwhelming negativity of the posts in experiences like this one is the reason why I have not read or posted much here recently. Two key reasons for that is that I don't need to be more depressed about my situation than I already am, and also my wife is not as evil as most...
    LostInTheWoulds LostInTheWoulds 46-50, M 8 Responses Dec 6, 2012

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    Sadface

    The sex is there, it's just that he **** so quickly. I don't get to finish and am left hanging. Guess I should just lay there but no, then I still wouldn't get off. It ******* sucks.
    sizzzlin69 sizzzlin69 31-35, F 11 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    How To Make Time With A Baby In The House?

    My wife and I very much desire each other, but she doesn't *make* time for us. We've gone from multiple times a week to *maybe* a couple times a month... and the few opportunities we get are always rushed because she wants to get it over with before the baby wakes up. A couple...
    onlymortal onlymortal 26-30, M 1 Response Feb 12, 2013

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    Almost?

    At what point does "an almost" become "a"? It seems my wife and I are falling further and further apart as far as the sexual relationships go. I try, but am apparently doing everything wrong. I love her to death, can't imagine my life without her, don't think she would survive...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses May 13, 2013

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    Less Than One Year Of Marriage...

    We have been together since we were 18, married now for less than one year. Sex never seems to happen unless it is a weekend and he is drunk. We often go 3-4 weeks without having sex. It was like this before we got married, and when we do have sex it is once a month at best. Even...
    someoneyouusedtoknow someoneyouusedtoknow 22-25, F 6 Responses May 7, 2012

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    Where To Go From Here.

    My husband of 12 years recently caught me with some online foolishness and here I am again reaching out longline for answers. He is a good man, good to the kids, but sees me as an extension of them. We have almost no sex, and when we do he is desperate not to finish bc of...
    Queenoffake Queenoffake 41-45, F Apr 16, 2013

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    The other day hubby and I found ourselves home

    alone as our daughters were both out. I suggested we take advantage of the opportunity. He replied, "I wanted to watch the hockey game". It was RECORDED!!!! He could watch it whenever. After I pointed this out he agreed and we adjourned to our bedroom. We played for a bit...
    Sparkle20 Sparkle20 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 17

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    I Don't Belong Here.

    An internet acquaintance told me about this group. I don't think excited is the right word to describe how I felt about joining. Maybe it was more like... relief? It was comforting to see I wasn't alone. But, then, once I got here and started reading everyone's stories, I...
    seattlechick seattlechick 31-35, F 6 Responses May 30, 2012

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    Back To The Once A Month Plan

    We had sex 4 times in February, while we were attempting the 10 day challenge, but the last time we were intimate was Feb 23 ... so i guess we have gone back to the once a month plan. Although we both have a very full schedule for the rest of March, so its not looking good for...
    LostInTheWoulds LostInTheWoulds 46-50, M 8 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    I Am So Glad She Cleared That Up For Me

    I was discussing the lack of sexual frequency in our marriage with my wife, and to prove to her that some women actually do pursue sex, I told her about the marriage blogs I read that talk about women who have higher drives tan their husbands. She informed me that women who...
    LostInTheWoulds LostInTheWoulds 46-50, M 35 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    Vacation Why?

    So DW, who has gone out of her way to reject and emasculate me, is trying to plan a vacation. Who cares why go and spend the money, so I can be rejected in a hotel bed? I just do not get it , is she so deluded that planning this is going to change something?
    draumr draumr 46-50, M 2 Responses Jul 23, 2013

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    I Wonder What It's Like

    I wonder what it's like... To receive a text at work, just because she's thinking of you and can't wait until you get home. To be greeted at the door with her wearing next to nothing, or maybe nothing at all. To slip into the shower without her asking, "what are you doing in...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 46-50, M Sep 19, 2013

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    Getting More Confident Since Identifying With Many

    So now, I have read many stories on this site that have hit so close to the nail on the head, that it has literally resulted in a change in my attitude and my actions. I know what a "refuser" is, and how long ago she actually "checked out" of our f***ed up relationship. I have...
    exstranger exstranger 46-50, M 6 Responses Oct 5, 2012

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    Marital Rights?

    I read this blog post this morning, and a had an epiphany... http://mydangspace.com/pleasing/the-right-to-*********/ The author states that men are biologically wired to want more than one woman and that although noble, monogamy is not natural. THAT is why marriage takes so...
    LostInTheWoulds LostInTheWoulds 46-50, M Jun 26, 2012

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    Time To Take Back Control

    My story is just like most people's on here. I've been married for almost 10 years and haven't had a good sex life for all of them. We've had 100's of discussions and arguments about the lack of intimacy with no change. All the arguments basically come down to the "chicken and...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses May 8, 2012

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