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I Am Living With An Adult Child of An Alcoholic

Share your experience with either living with (or living life as) an Adult Child of an Alcoholic 91 People

    The Heart Of A Monster....

    ...And the little boy looked to his father and said..”Father what is that?” Pointing to the dark and twisted object hanging from the door. An object that gave even the most casual of observers a cold and ominous feeling... an electric, primal shiver of recognition, that...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 1 Response Jun 10, 2012

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    I recently started dating an ACOA

    and I was hoping some more experienced people could give me tips on how best to interact with him. I myself manage depression so it is difficult for me to understand his needs. Thank you :)
    Chiaramiren Chiaramiren 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 27

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    My 5 Years

    Hi to everyone, I was very relieved to see this forum.   For the past five years I have been in a relationship with an ACOA and quite frankly until recently had never heard about the behaviour patterns they exhibit.  When I started reading up on ACOA it was like reading a...
    tmler tmler 26-30, M 6 Responses Jan 4, 2010

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    Denial

    Denial is the name of the game for my ACOA. We have been separated for 9 months. He "should" know that divorce is inevitable. The last 13 yrs of our 29 yr relationship has been pure hell. He will lose his marriage, his business, his house and his family will be split apart...
    Time2chainj Time2chainj 46-50, F 3 Responses Jul 12, 2012

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    Acoa Fortress??

    I found this in the EP group called "I Build Walls Around My Heart “ written by AzoruAn ancient Chinese emperor sits on his throne after his daily security check. His fortress is build like a labyrinth, littered with infantry highly trained swordsmen’s, units of Calvary, and...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Feb 8, 2012

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    Apparently we gotta make good from evil

    because there is no other way. If only evil would agree to this idea as well :) Wishing everyone to find something funny in their pain today and have a great day
    rtvbvfde rtvbvfde 26-30, M Nov 29

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    I Give Up

    I m an ACOA, and I give up. I think it is probably best if I stay out of intimate relationships altogether. I don t really understand them, I don t understand what hurts people and what doesn t or why it does. I m not sure if this is to do with being an ACOA, but I guess it...
    21again45 21again45 31-35 2 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    : (

    I just wanna' go home.....
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Feb 14, 2012

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    I just got married to an ACOA in June.

    Although we've had our share of communication issues during the years that we dated, it escalated exponentionally as soon as we said "I do." In fact, I didn't even know he was ACOA until after we married and he confessed it to me one night. He's been told by multiple therapists...
    lagoonsoverflamingo lagoonsoverflamingo 26-30 3 Responses Jan 6

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    My Experience ( Sorry So Long)

    I have been with my girlfriend for a little over a year and a half now. For the most part, we have a great relationship. We are absolute best friends, and I love my life with her. She and I come from very different backgrounds, and sometimes our different life...
    MedianStrip MedianStrip 26-30, M 6 Responses Apr 16, 2009

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    I Have A Question....

    “I have a question. IF the ACOA gets help, possibly goes through a 12 step program and gets a little better (?) do they then leave the broken and damaged person that they were married to behind? The one that was healthy before the ACOA destroyed them... “cntrgrl The answer is...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 6 Responses Apr 8, 2012

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    I Was Told, But Didn't Listen

    I am married to a 44 year old AcOa...a child of alcoholism on both sides of his family. His father was a physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic...more the latter than the former. His mother is an AcOa herself. When I was dating my husband, I went to an Alanon meeting...
    ainmama2001 ainmama2001 41-45, F 1 Response Sep 30, 2013

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    A 'Lizard' from Jesus.... (1:20)

    The song in my head.....  (Listen once...Just because you should.  Listen again while reading...If you read.) The one year anniversary of my separation has passed. Today, I awoke to find my feet mired with unusual gravity. Unable to move forward or fall back. My heart...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 6 Responses Nov 28, 2011

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    "When you use an excuse like,

    “I’ve tried everything” what that generally means is that you’ve tried until something got hard and then gave up" M. Kipp :)
    rtvbvfde rtvbvfde 26-30, M Nov 21

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    The more loyal and loving you are to an ACoA,

    the longer you stay by their side, the more they see that you are not hating them, not abandoning them despite all and everything they do, you will face with being accused in things so bad and ridiculous you will literally not know what to do. You will see you loved one trust in...
    rtvbvfde rtvbvfde 26-30, M a week ago

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    My, former life, w an ACoA,

    has added "cold indifference" into my coping toolbox. I deeply regret this.........
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Oct 6

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    Relationship With An Adult Child of An Alcoholic.

     Hi there... My boyfriend's mother is a raging alcoholic and has been for most of her life.   His Dad is a really sweet guy, totally addicted to marijuana, and seems to attract people with addiction problems.   So, he comes from this pretty stereotypical...
    FlyingNinjas FlyingNinjas 26-30, F 11 Responses Jul 6, 2009

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    Living With Coa

        I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He is 43. We have lived together for the past 3 months. We are both madly in love with each other and care about each other a great deal. He is an adult child of an alcoholic. He doesn't talk about it...
    lanah101 lanah101 22-25 2 Responses Aug 16, 2010

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    Trying To Change For Her

    Hello,Just looking for some insight. I am engaged to a wonderful woman who happens to be an ACOA. Im trying to understand and be as supportive as I possibly can but it seems like its never ever good enough. I am working really hard to support the both of us and am most of the...
    gearsrsticking gearsrsticking 31-35 3 Responses Aug 18, 2012

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    Until now, I have felt completely lost

    when it comes to understanding certain aspects of my significant other. We are in a committed, long-term relationship, and I love and care for him so deeply. He's recently taken the step to keep a job in the city where I work, in large part so we can maintain our relationship...
    nic225 nic225 22-25, F 3 Responses Aug 27

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    Down The Rabbit Hole

    My marriage of twelve years to an ACOA/codependent/boderline came to an end last year when I discovered her nasty monstrous secret she had hoped I would never find out. After the birth of our second child in 2006, her true colors began to show and it was just a matter of time...
    tmjwuwei tmjwuwei 41-45 2 Responses Jul 2, 2012

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    9 Years Of Life With A Acoa

    I dated a guy for over a year.  He was loving and tender and funny, but wasn't perfect.  Then again, who is?   Two weeks after being married he changed.  So for 9 years I have been his yo you.  He is hot or cold to me.  Has had 2 affairs and...
    cntrgrl cntrgrl 51-55 9 Responses Mar 25, 2010

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    Does anyone here have experience being in a

    relationship with or being married to an Adult Child of Alcoholic? My husband is an acoa and I have only recently realized that a lot of our relationship problems are probably due in part to his chaotic and abusive upbringing with two alcoholic parents. This is all sort of new...
    hangonavocado hangonavocado 31-35, F 4 Responses Dec 30, 2013

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    "Storybook holidays are limited to storybooks.

    ...But extraordinary moments often masquerade as ordinary life. So maybe what's perfect about Thanksgiving is the opportunity to notice what makes our lives worth living. Even in hard times, there's so much to be grateful for." L. Markham My family is sure far away from...
    rtvbvfde rtvbvfde 26-30, M Nov 26

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    I've been married for 7 years to an ACOA

    and recovering alcoholic. The issues were hidden for a long time, even his alcoholism was only truly realized about 3 years ago. As soon as he identified his addiction, he stopped drinking and has been sober for 3 years. It didn't get any easier, in fact things were worse. He...
    tejpreet9 tejpreet9 36-40, F 2 Responses Jun 25

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    I Am Living With An .....

    I am now married for 20 years. We are both in recovery for good 10 years from addiction and codependency. A light bulb just went off when I was in an meeting when another person (also an adult child of an alcoholic) shared that to stay in control "he could not give" and just...
    tsoede tsoede 51-55 Aug 18, 2013

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    How To Cope With My Boyfriend's Periods Of Isolation

     I'm so happy I found this website because I've been at a loss for what to do about my current situation with my boyfriend. I have been dating him for 6 months and he is an adult child of an alcoholic. His mother drinks almost every night, can become violent, and has...
    texaslove1721 texaslove1721 18-21, F 7 Responses Jan 27, 2010

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    I'm The Acoa

    Hi everyone,I'm the ACO(violent)A with trust issues and I'm looking for advice from those who have dated, or are dating, ACOAs.Dating in general frightens me, although I'm really looking forward to meeting "Mr. Right" and raising a happy family.One thing I tend to do, with...
    CarchariousCarcharadon CarchariousCarcharadon 22-25, F 4 Responses Jan 5, 2011

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    Help Me Understand... : )

    A man was riding his Harley along a California beach, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Aug 3, 2011

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    I Am Not Ready To Walk Away

    Hi all I have been with Nat for a little over 9 years know and we have and 6 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. She had a really bad childhood, mother was a alcoholic bringing different men to the house on a weekly basis and her Dad was and still is all but useless as a father...
    Dazz101 Dazz101 26-30, M Sep 8, 2013

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    Welcome!

    Hello all! I created this group because this topic is very close to me. I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful woman who is also an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA). Through all of the research I have done on ACOA, there is virtually nothing written on those of...
    MedianStrip MedianStrip 26-30, M 3 Responses Apr 16, 2009

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    The Fog Is Lifting

    For all those out there that come from functional healthy family backgrounds but unfortunately got involved with or married an ACOA/Codependent, this is my rollercoaster ride of dysfunction, disease, confusion and pain. Trying to have a functional relationship with a...
    tmjwuwei tmjwuwei 41-45 6 Responses Aug 23, 2012

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    Armed With A Broken Heart...

    How long will I stay armed with a broken heart?.... It was a poor choice of a weapon to fight a monster....it's jagged edges only served to cut....me. With each thrust it tore a vicious, self inflicted, gash from deep within my soul...falling so very short of its intended target...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Jun 9, 2012

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    Resource For Spouses Of Acoa

    I am in my 40's, and just started dating an ACOA. We hit it off pretty quickly, and on our 2nd date, she let me know that alcoholism ran in her family, and that she is a recovering alcoholic (9 years sober). Side note: I here there is a joke about how you can tell two alcoholics...
    gsee60606 gsee60606 22-25, M 9 Responses Jan 28, 2010

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    My fiance' is an ACOA.

    When we first started dating I was in heaven. He was attentive, fun, affectionate and so easy to be around. I was in awe. I couldn't believe I had finally found the love of my life. We've been together now for 9mths and it's been in the last 4mths that I've really noticed a...
    Kia76 Kia76 36-40, F 2 Responses May 6

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    "Sometimes, I need to be right" Living with my

    father who is ACoA is a constant doubt about my thoughts, feelings, actions; constant doubt about what is reality. Yesterday, my mom was showing to him some old pants, she thought they were green; my father says they are blue; my mother doubtfully needed another opinion so she...
    cureav cureav 31-35, M 2 Responses Sep 17

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    Just Some Things...

    “We are not bad people trying to get good, just sick people trying to get well.” Just some things that moved me while trying to understand. ....and my songs to her
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 2 Responses Nov 26, 2011

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    How Do I Deal With An Acoa?

    I don't know how this can be brief....I'm struggling with how I should behave with my boyfriend.  He is 48 (I am 35) and is an Adult Child of a brutally abusive and neglectful Alcoholic father.  His father was a high powered lawyer in a big city, who was an extreme alcoholic...
    b429steph b429steph 31-35 10 Responses Sep 17, 2011

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    Revive The Group?

    I just ran across this group. I am an ACoA and as somebody who identifies with "The Problem" I see a lot of misinformation being put across and a great deal of misunderstanding about the issues involved. But I wonder if I were to post here, would anybody notice? Can I start...
    icDavey icDavey 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 16, 2013

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    The Face Of Acoa......

    So others can understand.......
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 2 Responses Sep 19, 2013

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    Prints Of Its Handlers....

    “All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.” ― Mitch Albom, The Five People You...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 1 Response Aug 10, 2013

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    21 Years Of Marriage

    My wife is the daughter of an alcoholic father and an emotionally unavailable mother. I'm a psychologist, so I understand all of the in's and out's of personality disorders and how to deescalate tantrum-like behavior. But I find myself breathing easier when my wife works late...
    1800clyde 1800clyde 51-55, M 1 Response Sep 10, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    I'm living with a Difficult father I've been looking and searching 8 months, i finally got a job (part-time) but i still get treated like I'm 8 yrs old by parents and relatives...
    Storyboard0241 Storyboard0241 22-25, M Nov 20

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    Living with problems is like being in quick sand. It is not something that you can escape from or overcome with quick action. It takes slow and deliberate action to come to terms...
    tryingagainII tryingagainII 56-60, M 4 days ago

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    The year was 98 I playing on trampoline with my childhood crush.We were coping stone colds wrestling on each other.Then he randomly pecked me on the lips.I was surprised when he...
    ThePunkDreamer ThePunkDreamer 22-25, F Dec 2

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    I have been with a man for 15 years we met while I was married to another man that had committed suicide. I immediately jumped into a relationship with this man. I fell madly in...
    Molley97 Molley97 36-40 Nov 27

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    The night the ashtray broke was when I first understood something was wrong at my house. I noticed things before, like my parents spending hours at the table talking, or the time...
    ColdMountain ColdMountain 61-65, M Nov 25

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    I was fourteen or so, a sensitive, alienated, geeky nerd. No friends. I was talking to my father, begging him to stop drinking. I wasn’t begging for his sake anymore at that...
    ColdMountain ColdMountain 61-65, M 1 Response Nov 26

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    I just discovered this page and I thought I could give it a try. I'm 20 years old now and I experienced alcoholism in my family for nearly 13 years of my life. It's hard to believe...
    laurajessica laurajessica 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 30

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    My mother has chronic pancreatitis from drinking wine for years and years with naturally faulty kidneys. Shes been getting progressively sicker the last 3 years. When I was younger...
    sleepingbeauty13 sleepingbeauty13 26-30, F 1 Response Nov 30

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