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I Am Living With An Adult Child of An Alcoholic

Share your experience with either living with (or living life as) an Adult Child of an Alcoholic 69 People

    Down The Rabbit Hole

    My marriage of twelve years to an ACOA/codependent/boderline came to an end last year when I discovered her nasty monstrous secret she had hoped I would never find out. After the birth of our second child in 2006, her true colors began to show and it was just a matter of time...
    tmjwuwei tmjwuwei 41-45 1 Response Jul 2, 2012

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    Quixote

    I have been thinking allot about pushing buttons... Polite society teaches me to ignore, 'tolerate' and walk softly around them, yet I constantly seek them out. In the questionable workings of my mind, what I believe I am striving for, is to shine a light on the fact that we all...
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 Jan 23, 2012

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    I Have A Question....

    “I have a question. IF the ACOA gets help, possibly goes through a 12 step program and gets a little better (?) do they then leave the broken and damaged person that they were married to behind? The one that was healthy before the ACOA destroyed them... “cntrgrl The answer is...
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 6 Responses Apr 8, 2012

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    Armed With A Broken Heart...

    How long will I stay armed with a broken heart?.... It was a poor choice of a weapon to fight a monster....it's jagged edges only served to cut....me. With each thrust it tore a vicious, self inflicted, gash from deep within my soul...falling so very short of its intended target...
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 Jun 9, 2012

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    Trying To Change For Her

    Hello,Just looking for some insight. I am engaged to a wonderful woman who happens to be an ACOA. Im trying to understand and be as supportive as I possibly can but it seems like its never ever good enough. I am working really hard to support the both of us and am most of the...
    gearsrsticking gearsrsticking 31-35 2 Responses Aug 18, 2012

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    The Heart Of A Monster....

    ...And the little boy looked to his father and said..”Father what is that?” Pointing to the dark and twisted object hanging from the door. An object that gave even the most casual of observers a cold and ominous feeling... an electric, primal shiver of recognition, that...
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 1 Response Jun 10, 2012

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    Help Me Understand... : )

    A man was riding his Harley along a California beach, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge...
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 Aug 3, 2011

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    I recently started dating an ACOA

    and I was hoping some more experienced people could give me tips on how best to interact with him. I myself manage depression so it is difficult for me to understand his needs. Thank you :)
    Chiaramiren Chiaramiren 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 27

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    I'm The Acoa

    Hi everyone,I'm the ACO(violent)A with trust issues and I'm looking for advice from those who have dated, or are dating, ACOAs.Dating in general frightens me, although I'm really looking forward to meeting "Mr. Right" and raising a happy family.One thing I tend to do, with...
    CarchariousCarcharadon CarchariousCarcharadon 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 5, 2011

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    Just Some Things...

    “We are not bad people trying to get good, just sick people trying to get well.” Just some things that moved me while trying to understand. ....and my songs to her
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 2 Responses Nov 26, 2011

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    Prints Of Its Handlers....

    “All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.” ― Mitch Albom, The Five People You...
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 1 Response Aug 10, 2013

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    I just got married to an ACOA in June.

    Although we've had our share of communication issues during the years that we dated, it escalated exponentionally as soon as we said "I do." In fact, I didn't even know he was ACOA until after we married and he confessed it to me one night. He's been told by multiple therapists...
    lagoonsoverflamingo lagoonsoverflamingo 26-30 3 Responses Jan 6

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    Revive The Group?

    I just ran across this group. I am an ACoA and as somebody who identifies with "The Problem" I see a lot of misinformation being put across and a great deal of misunderstanding about the issues involved. But I wonder if I were to post here, would anybody notice? Can I start...
    icDavey icDavey 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 16, 2013

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    21 Years Of Marriage

    My wife is the daughter of an alcoholic father and an emotionally unavailable mother. I'm a psychologist, so I understand all of the in's and out's of personality disorders and how to deescalate tantrum-like behavior. But I find myself breathing easier when my wife works late...
    1800clyde 1800clyde 51-55, M 1 Response Sep 10, 2013

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    The Face Of Acoa......

    So others can understand.......
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 1 Response Sep 19, 2013

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    My Experience ( Sorry So Long)

    I have been with my girlfriend for a little over a year and a half now. For the most part, we have a great relationship. We are absolute best friends, and I love my life with her. She and I come from very different backgrounds, and sometimes our different life...
    MedianStrip MedianStrip 26-30, M 6 Responses Apr 16, 2009

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    I Am And L Lived With An Acoa

    I had only began to accept my father was an alcoholic and discover its impact on my life when I moved in with my bf......who happened to also be an ACOA, it felt like another way or reason we understood each other and were meant to be. Something else we shared with each other...
    1 Response Jan 7, 2013

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    I Was Told, But Didn't Listen

    I am married to a 44 year old AcOa...a child of alcoholism on both sides of his family. His father was a physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic...more the latter than the former. His mother is an AcOa herself. When I was dating my husband, I went to an Alanon meeting...
    ainmama2001 ainmama2001 41-45, F 1 Response Sep 30, 2013

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    : (

    I just wanna' go home.....
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 Feb 14, 2012

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    I Give Up

    I m an ACOA, and I give up. I think it is probably best if I stay out of intimate relationships altogether. I don t really understand them, I don t understand what hurts people and what doesn t or why it does. I m not sure if this is to do with being an ACOA, but I guess it...
    21again45 21again45 31-35 2 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    Relationship With An Adult Child of An Alcoholic.

     Hi there... My boyfriend's mother is a raging alcoholic and has been for most of her life.   His Dad is a really sweet guy, totally addicted to marijuana, and seems to attract people with addiction problems.   So, he comes from this pretty stereotypical...
    FlyingNinjas FlyingNinjas 26-30, F 11 Responses Jul 6, 2009

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    How Do I Deal With An Acoa?

    I don't know how this can be brief....I'm struggling with how I should behave with my boyfriend.  He is 48 (I am 35) and is an Adult Child of a brutally abusive and neglectful Alcoholic father.  His father was a high powered lawyer in a big city, who was an extreme alcoholic...
    b429steph b429steph 31-35 10 Responses Sep 17, 2011

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    How To Cope With My Boyfriend's Periods Of Isolation

     I'm so happy I found this website because I've been at a loss for what to do about my current situation with my boyfriend. I have been dating him for 6 months and he is an adult child of an alcoholic. His mother drinks almost every night, can become violent, and has...
    texaslove1721 texaslove1721 18-21, F 7 Responses Jan 27, 2010

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    Acoa Fortress??

    I found this in the EP group called "I Build Walls Around My Heart “ written by AzoruAn ancient Chinese emperor sits on his throne after his daily security check. His fortress is build like a labyrinth, littered with infantry highly trained swordsmen’s, units of Calvary, and...
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 Feb 8, 2012

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    My 5 Years

    Hi to everyone, I was very relieved to see this forum.   For the past five years I have been in a relationship with an ACOA and quite frankly until recently had never heard about the behaviour patterns they exhibit.  When I started reading up on ACOA it was like reading a...
    tmler tmler 26-30, M 6 Responses Jan 4, 2010

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    9 Years Of Life With A Acoa

    I dated a guy for over a year.  He was loving and tender and funny, but wasn't perfect.  Then again, who is?   Two weeks after being married he changed.  So for 9 years I have been his yo you.  He is hot or cold to me.  Has had 2 affairs and...
    cntrgrl cntrgrl 51-55 9 Responses Mar 25, 2010

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    I Am Not Ready To Walk Away

    Hi all I have been with Nat for a little over 9 years know and we have and 6 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. She had a really bad childhood, mother was a alcoholic bringing different men to the house on a weekly basis and her Dad was and still is all but useless as a father...
    Dazz101 Dazz101 26-30, M Sep 8, 2013

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    Feather

    Like the improbable catch of a feather from a waterfall, my heart insists on grasping and fixating on a fleeting memory... a very personal, private, delicate , indescribable moment...witnessed by no one... a shimmering flicker of what once was. ..the force of a waterfall called...
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 Feb 3, 2012

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    A Longing... (words that never come.)

    Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face You told me how proud you were, but I walked away If only I knew what I know today, ooh, ooh I would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away Thank you for all you've done, forgive all your mistakes There's nothing I wouldn...
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 3 Responses Dec 9, 2011

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    Living With Coa

        I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He is 43. We have lived together for the past 3 months. We are both madly in love with each other and care about each other a great deal. He is an adult child of an alcoholic. He doesn't talk about it...
    lanah101 lanah101 22-25 2 Responses Aug 16, 2010

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    The Fog Is Lifting

    For all those out there that come from functional healthy family backgrounds but unfortunately got involved with or married an ACOA/Codependent, this is my rollercoaster ride of dysfunction, disease, confusion and pain. Trying to have a functional relationship with a...
    tmjwuwei tmjwuwei 41-45 6 Responses Aug 23, 2012

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    Desire....

    What you desire the most is for me to not desire you the most... How can you love me more for loving you less?
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 1 Response Dec 13, 2011

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    A 'Lizard' from Jesus.... (1:20)

    The song in my head.....  (Listen once...Just because you should.  Listen again while reading...If you read.) The one year anniversary of my separation has passed. Today, I awoke to find my feet mired with unusual gravity. Unable to move forward or fall back. My heart...
    1GR81 1GR81 41-45 6 Responses Nov 28, 2011

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    Welcome!

    Hello all! I created this group because this topic is very close to me. I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful woman who is also an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA). Through all of the research I have done on ACOA, there is virtually nothing written on those of...
    MedianStrip MedianStrip 26-30, M 3 Responses Apr 16, 2009

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    I Am Living With An .....

    I am now married for 20 years. We are both in recovery for good 10 years from addiction and codependency. A light bulb just went off when I was in an meeting when another person (also an adult child of an alcoholic) shared that to stay in control "he could not give" and just...
    tsoede tsoede 51-55 Aug 18, 2013

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    Denial

    Denial is the name of the game for my ACOA. We have been separated for 9 months. He "should" know that divorce is inevitable. The last 13 yrs of our 29 yr relationship has been pure hell. He will lose his marriage, his business, his house and his family will be split apart...
    Time2chainj Time2chainj 46-50, F 3 Responses Jul 12, 2012

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    Does anyone here have experience being in a

    relationship with or being married to an Adult Child of Alcoholic? My husband is an acoa and I have only recently realized that a lot of our relationship problems are probably due in part to his chaotic and abusive upbringing with two alcoholic parents. This is all sort of new...
    hangonavocado hangonavocado 31-35, F 4 Responses Dec 30, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    One day my husband took his mom to a doctor's appointment. When he took her back home, to his sister's house where she had been living for six months, most of her belongings were...
    Lumps1love Lumps1love 41-45, F 3 Responses Mar 24

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    Hello, been a member of this site for a while and have never posted before. I am around 40 and have been living with Dysthymia for 20 years now. I guess I'm looking for someone...
    Broken73 Broken73 41-45, M 1 Response Mar 30

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    Hi - so I have been living with CES for four years without diagnosis. I have recently been diagnosed. The diagnosis came with a penalty. In order to take all of the tests I...
    Sunshine537 Sunshine537 26-30, F Mar 31

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    Hi - so I have been living with CES for four years without diagnosis. I have recently been diagnosed. The diagnosis came with a penalty. In order to take all of the tests I...
    Sunshine537 Sunshine537 26-30, F Mar 31

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    After living with both parents, due to them being divorced, I can finally tell you that the grass is never greener on the other side! I would attempt to fill you in on what us...
    SilverQuaid SilverQuaid 16-17 Apr 7

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    I'm 27 going on 28 by end of this year. I'm still living with my parents and a younger sister whose life seems to go so much better than mine,... she has a stable job that keeps...
    DontreallyknowwhoIam DontreallyknowwhoIam 26-30, F Mar 21

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    I have Lupus and Lupus nephritis an incurable autoimmune disease and kidney involvement. One of the issues of living with an incurable disease is that its also an invisible...
    Young24Lupus Young24Lupus 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 27

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    Living with my parents is doing my head in. They are always telling me what to do and when to do it. I've had to live with them because I've just split from my boyfriend. I...
    lmp89 lmp89 22-25, F 2 Responses Apr 2

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    I have been living with HIV since August of 2008 and have a stronger than normal immune system than an average person. I only take two pills at night per day and I only became...
    JRyanNYC JRyanNYC 22-25, M 1 Response Apr 2

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    The sky was milky gray and the ocean was fierce. The light dappled through the clouds. He stood in a circle of four other friends, skateboard underfoot and as aloof as the azure...
    streck32 streck32 26-30, F Apr 5

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    My mother is an alcoholic. She refuses to take responsibility for anything she does and she turns herself into the victim in every situation. I can't have a relationship with her...
    swhickman swhickman 26-30, F Mar 24

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    I wish there was a way to tell my mother how much her untreated alcoholism effects us all. One would think that it she be as simple as verbally telling her, but the rage and...
    skcbanana skcbanana 26-30, F 1 Response Mar 30

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    I detest my daughter. I love her dearly but I can't stand the way she treats me. she's a bi-polar, alcoholic, selfish user who has been beating me since she was 12 years old and...
    R2RS R2RS 46-50, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    But I don't hate them. However, right now I can hear my mother crying in the next room. My father has been grumpy with me the whole week. I don't know what is going on! I just...
    Eisbrecher Eisbrecher 18-21, F Mar 22

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    Last week I got out of an abusive relationship. Last week my whole life changed. I am now living the "single" life. Which I haven't for a while. At first with my boyfriend...
    laneyrn laneyrn 18-21, F Apr 3

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    I'm really struggling at the moment to find a reason to keep on living or to look to the future. I split from my ex a while ago but we have been on and off since. We have a...
    isthereanypoint isthereanypoint 26-30 Apr 8

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    It's going on 4 months since we have separated and I am starve for intimacy and attention. I am home all alone all the time, he works at night and sleeps during the day, which I...
    LovelyOne84 LovelyOne84 26-30, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Ok, so I come from an Arabic culture but I am American and I am American born. My husband is an amazing man and it was a wonderfully romantic story how we became together. HOWEVER...
    frustratedwomantn frustratedwomantn 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 21