Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Am Living With An Adult Child of An Alcoholic

Share your experience with either living with (or living life as) an Adult Child of an Alcoholic 94 People

    My, former life, w an ACoA,

    has added "cold indifference" into my coping toolbox. I deeply regret this.........
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 2 Responses Oct 6, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How Do I Deal With An Acoa?

    I don't know how this can be brief....I'm struggling with how I should behave with my boyfriend.  He is 48 (I am 35) and is an Adult Child of a brutally abusive and neglectful Alcoholic father.  His father was a high powered lawyer in a big city, who was an extreme alcoholic...
    b429steph b429steph 31-35 10 Responses Sep 17, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Prints Of Its Handlers....

    “All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.” ― Mitch Albom, The Five People You...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 1 Response Aug 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Help Me Understand... : )

    A man was riding his Harley along a California beach, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Aug 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Experience ( Sorry So Long)

    I have been with my girlfriend for a little over a year and a half now. For the most part, we have a great relationship. We are absolute best friends, and I love my life with her. She and I come from very different backgrounds, and sometimes our different life...
    MedianStrip MedianStrip 26-30, M 6 Responses Apr 16, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Denial

    Denial is the name of the game for my ACOA. We have been separated for 9 months. He "should" know that divorce is inevitable. The last 13 yrs of our 29 yr relationship has been pure hell. He will lose his marriage, his business, his house and his family will be split apart...
    Time2chainj Time2chainj 46-50, F 3 Responses Jul 12, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Fog Is Lifting

    For all those out there that come from functional healthy family backgrounds but unfortunately got involved with or married an ACOA/Codependent, this is my rollercoaster ride of dysfunction, disease, confusion and pain. Trying to have a functional relationship with a...
    tmjwuwei tmjwuwei 41-45 6 Responses Aug 23, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Acoa Fortress??

    I found this in the EP group called "I Build Walls Around My Heart “ written by AzoruAn ancient Chinese emperor sits on his throne after his daily security check. His fortress is build like a labyrinth, littered with infantry highly trained swordsmen’s, units of Calvary, and...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Feb 8, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just Some Things...

    “We are not bad people trying to get good, just sick people trying to get well.” Just some things that moved me while trying to understand. ....and my songs to her
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 2 Responses Nov 26, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Face Of Acoa......

    So others can understand.......
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 2 Responses Sep 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Sometimes, I need to be right" Living with my

    father who is ACoA is a constant doubt about my thoughts, feelings, actions; constant doubt about what is reality. Yesterday, my mom was showing to him some old pants, she thought they were green; my father says they are blue; my mother doubtfully needed another opinion so she...
    cureav cureav 31-35, M 2 Responses Sep 17, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Trying To Change For Her

    Hello,Just looking for some insight. I am engaged to a wonderful woman who happens to be an ACOA. Im trying to understand and be as supportive as I possibly can but it seems like its never ever good enough. I am working really hard to support the both of us and am most of the...
    gearsrsticking gearsrsticking 31-35 3 Responses Aug 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Does anyone here have experience being in a

    relationship with or being married to an Adult Child of Alcoholic? My husband is an acoa and I have only recently realized that a lot of our relationship problems are probably due in part to his chaotic and abusive upbringing with two alcoholic parents. This is all sort of new...
    hangonavocado hangonavocado 31-35, F 4 Responses Dec 30, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Revive The Group?

    I just ran across this group. I am an ACoA and as somebody who identifies with "The Problem" I see a lot of misinformation being put across and a great deal of misunderstanding about the issues involved. But I wonder if I were to post here, would anybody notice? Can I start...
    icDavey icDavey 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 16, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm The Acoa

    Hi everyone,I'm the ACO(violent)A with trust issues and I'm looking for advice from those who have dated, or are dating, ACOAs.Dating in general frightens me, although I'm really looking forward to meeting "Mr. Right" and raising a happy family.One thing I tend to do, with...
    CarchariousCarcharadon CarchariousCarcharadon 22-25, F 4 Responses Jan 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Welcome!

    Hello all! I created this group because this topic is very close to me. I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful woman who is also an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA). Through all of the research I have done on ACOA, there is virtually nothing written on those of...
    MedianStrip MedianStrip 26-30, M 3 Responses Apr 16, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    21 Years Of Marriage

    My wife is the daughter of an alcoholic father and an emotionally unavailable mother. I'm a psychologist, so I understand all of the in's and out's of personality disorders and how to deescalate tantrum-like behavior. But I find myself breathing easier when my wife works late...
    1800clyde 1800clyde 51-55, M 1 Response Sep 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    9 Years Of Life With A Acoa

    I dated a guy for over a year.  He was loving and tender and funny, but wasn't perfect.  Then again, who is?   Two weeks after being married he changed.  So for 9 years I have been his yo you.  He is hot or cold to me.  Has had 2 affairs and...
    cntrgrl cntrgrl 51-55 9 Responses Mar 25, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Heart Of A Monster....

    ...And the little boy looked to his father and said..”Father what is that?” Pointing to the dark and twisted object hanging from the door. An object that gave even the most casual of observers a cold and ominous feeling... an electric, primal shiver of recognition, that...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 1 Response Jun 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I recently started dating an ACOA

    and I was hoping some more experienced people could give me tips on how best to interact with him. I myself manage depression so it is difficult for me to understand his needs. Thank you :)
    Chiaramiren Chiaramiren 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 27, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Down The Rabbit Hole

    My marriage of twelve years to an ACOA/codependent/boderline came to an end last year when I discovered her nasty monstrous secret she had hoped I would never find out. After the birth of our second child in 2006, her true colors began to show and it was just a matter of time...
    tmjwuwei tmjwuwei 41-45 2 Responses Jul 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Living With Coa

        I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He is 43. We have lived together for the past 3 months. We are both madly in love with each other and care about each other a great deal. He is an adult child of an alcoholic. He doesn't talk about it...
    lanah101 lanah101 22-25 2 Responses Aug 16, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    : (

    I just wanna' go home.....
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Feb 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Not Ready To Walk Away

    Hi all I have been with Nat for a little over 9 years know and we have and 6 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. She had a really bad childhood, mother was a alcoholic bringing different men to the house on a weekly basis and her Dad was and still is all but useless as a father...
    Dazz101 Dazz101 26-30, M Sep 8, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Relationship With An Adult Child of An Alcoholic.

     Hi there... My boyfriend's mother is a raging alcoholic and has been for most of her life.   His Dad is a really sweet guy, totally addicted to marijuana, and seems to attract people with addiction problems.   So, he comes from this pretty stereotypical...
    FlyingNinjas FlyingNinjas 26-30, F 11 Responses Jul 6, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I've been married for 7 years to an ACOA

    and recovering alcoholic. The issues were hidden for a long time, even his alcoholism was only truly realized about 3 years ago. As soon as he identified his addiction, he stopped drinking and has been sober for 3 years. It didn't get any easier, in fact things were worse. He...
    tejpreet9 tejpreet9 36-40, F 2 Responses Jun 25, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Have A Question....

    “I have a question. IF the ACOA gets help, possibly goes through a 12 step program and gets a little better (?) do they then leave the broken and damaged person that they were married to behind? The one that was healthy before the ACOA destroyed them... “cntrgrl The answer is...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 6 Responses Apr 8, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "When you use an excuse like,

    “I’ve tried everything” what that generally means is that you’ve tried until something got hard and then gave up" M. Kipp :)
    rtvbvfde rtvbvfde 26-30, M Nov 21, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Living With An .....

    I am now married for 20 years. We are both in recovery for good 10 years from addiction and codependency. A light bulb just went off when I was in an meeting when another person (also an adult child of an alcoholic) shared that to stay in control "he could not give" and just...
    tsoede tsoede 51-55 Aug 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Apparently we gotta make good from evil

    because there is no other way. If only evil would agree to this idea as well :) Wishing everyone to find something funny in their pain today and have a great day
    rtvbvfde rtvbvfde 26-30, M Nov 29, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Was Told, But Didn't Listen

    I am married to a 44 year old AcOa...a child of alcoholism on both sides of his family. His father was a physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic...more the latter than the former. His mother is an AcOa herself. When I was dating my husband, I went to an Alanon meeting...
    ainmama2001 ainmama2001 41-45, F 1 Response Sep 30, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Give Up

    I m an ACOA, and I give up. I think it is probably best if I stay out of intimate relationships altogether. I don t really understand them, I don t understand what hurts people and what doesn t or why it does. I m not sure if this is to do with being an ACOA, but I guess it...
    21again45 21again45 31-35 2 Responses Oct 5, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My fiance' is an ACOA.

    When we first started dating I was in heaven. He was attentive, fun, affectionate and so easy to be around. I was in awe. I couldn't believe I had finally found the love of my life. We've been together now for 9mths and it's been in the last 4mths that I've really noticed a...
    Kia76 Kia76 36-40, F 2 Responses May 6, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Cope With My Boyfriend's Periods Of Isolation

     I'm so happy I found this website because I've been at a loss for what to do about my current situation with my boyfriend. I have been dating him for 6 months and he is an adult child of an alcoholic. His mother drinks almost every night, can become violent, and has...
    texaslove1721 texaslove1721 18-21, F 7 Responses Jan 27, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Armed With A Broken Heart...

    How long will I stay armed with a broken heart?.... It was a poor choice of a weapon to fight a monster....it's jagged edges only served to cut....me. With each thrust it tore a vicious, self inflicted, gash from deep within my soul...falling so very short of its intended target...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Jun 9, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have a question to spouses of ACOAs

    or people whose relative or friend is a spouse of anACOA - how did living with an ACOA changed you personally? I really appreciate your input and you can leave entries here or through my private messages. Thank you.
    rtvbvfde rtvbvfde 26-30, M Dec 25, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Until now, I have felt completely lost

    when it comes to understanding certain aspects of my significant other. We are in a committed, long-term relationship, and I love and care for him so deeply. He's recently taken the step to keep a job in the city where I work, in large part so we can maintain our relationship...
    nic225 nic225 22-25, F 3 Responses Aug 27, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My 5 Years

    Hi to everyone, I was very relieved to see this forum.   For the past five years I have been in a relationship with an ACOA and quite frankly until recently had never heard about the behaviour patterns they exhibit.  When I started reading up on ACOA it was like reading a...
    tmler tmler 26-30, M 6 Responses Jan 4, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Resource For Spouses Of Acoa

    I am in my 40's, and just started dating an ACOA. We hit it off pretty quickly, and on our 2nd date, she let me know that alcoholism ran in her family, and that she is a recovering alcoholic (9 years sober). Side note: I here there is a joke about how you can tell two alcoholics...
    gsee60606 gsee60606 22-25, M 9 Responses Jan 28, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I just got married to an ACOA in June.

    Although we've had our share of communication issues during the years that we dated, it escalated exponentionally as soon as we said "I do." In fact, I didn't even know he was ACOA until after we married and he confessed it to me one night. He's been told by multiple therapists...
    lagoonsoverflamingo lagoonsoverflamingo 26-30 3 Responses Jan 6, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Feather

    Like the improbable catch of a feather from a waterfall, my heart insists on grasping and fixating on a fleeting memory... a very personal, private, delicate , indescribable moment...witnessed by no one... a shimmering flicker of what once was. ..the force of a waterfall called...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Feb 3, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A 'Lizard' from Jesus.... (1:20)

    The song in my head.....  (Listen once...Just because you should.  Listen again while reading...If you read.) The one year anniversary of my separation has passed. Today, I awoke to find my feet mired with unusual gravity. Unable to move forward or fall back. My heart...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 6 Responses Nov 28, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Related Experiences

    My mother in law moved in with us from across the country at the drop of a hat. She has not a penny to her name, although now she works part time and still has no money to...
    daydreamr611 daydreamr611 26-30, F 1 Response Jan 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Been living with my grandmother since I was born. Always act like she's right and all that. All she good at is giving people lectures but not on herself. Think she knows everything...
    msunique1989 msunique1989 22-25, F Jan 13

    Your Response

    Cancel
    My mom has been an alcoholic for years and i dont know what to do. Im only a junior in high school so there isnt much i can do. i have had countless talks with her about it and she...
    Kateq989 Kateq989 16-17, F Dec 29, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel
    How do you get over the fear of getting close and having a relationship with a man? I am going to therapy..but theres is always that fear of finding out I'm wrong about them. I...
    cas1965 cas1965 46-50, F 6 Responses Jan 21

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I'm probably the most selfish person to have ever lived on this planet. I know that very well. I take advantage of peoples kindness but I don't do it to intentionally hurt them...
    ChildOfHarmony ChildOfHarmony 16-17, F Jan 18

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I FINALLY got my Visa and will travel in 10 days :) I just can't wait to start my new life with my love !! Yaaay !!!
    Beyrouth Beyrouth 22-25, F Jan 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Download What?s Poppin to see all the cool events going on in YOUR CITY!> Download it now with my link and help me win a $1000 bonus this month!!! http://tinyurl.com/freeappmoney...
    stacy7737 stacy7737 16-17 Jan 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    My MIL moved in with us 6 months ago. Before this my wife told me she would help with things around the house, well the only thing she has done is help my son unload the dish...
    Fotoman Fotoman 46-50, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel