I Am Living With An Adult Child of An Alcoholic

Share your experience with either living with (or living life as) an Adult Child of an Alcoholic 109 People

    My fiance' is an ACOA.

    When we first started dating I was in heaven. He was attentive, fun, affectionate and so easy to be around. I was in awe. I couldn't believe I had finally found the love of my life. We've been together now for 9mths and it's been in the last 4mths that I've really noticed a...
    Kia76 Kia76
    41-45, F
    2 Responses May 6, 2014

    9 Years Of Life With A Acoa

    I dated a guy for over a year.  He was loving and tender and funny, but wasn't perfect.  Then again, who is?   Two weeks after being married he changed.  So for 9 years I have been his yo you.  He is hot or cold to me.  Has had 2 affairs and...
    cntrgrl cntrgrl
    9 Responses Mar 25, 2010

    I Am And L Lived With An Acoa

    I had only began to accept my father was an alcoholic and discover its impact on my life when I moved in with my bf......who happened to also be an ACOA, it felt like another way or reason we understood each other and were meant to be. Something else we shared with each other...
    1 Response Jan 7, 2013

    I Give Up

    I m an ACOA, and I give up. I think it is probably best if I stay out of intimate relationships altogether. I don t really understand them, I don t understand what hurts people and what doesn t or why it does. I m not sure if this is to do with being an ACOA, but I guess it...
    21again45 21again45
    3 Responses Oct 5, 2013

    Revive The Group?

    I just ran across this group. I am an ACoA and as somebody who identifies with "The Problem" I see a lot of misinformation being put across and a great deal of misunderstanding about the issues involved. But I wonder if I were to post here, would anybody notice? Can I start...
    icDavey icDavey
    61-65, M
    4 Responses Jul 16, 2013

    Prints Of Its Handlers....

    “All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.” ― Mitch Albom, The Five People You...
    1GR81 1GR81
    1 Response Aug 10, 2013

    Does anyone here have experience being in a

    relationship with or being married to an Adult Child of Alcoholic? My husband is an acoa and I have only recently realized that a lot of our relationship problems are probably due in part to his chaotic and abusive upbringing with two alcoholic parents. This is all sort of new...
    hangonavocado hangonavocado
    31-35, F
    4 Responses Dec 30, 2013

    Resource For Spouses Of Acoa

    I am in my 40's, and just started dating an ACOA. We hit it off pretty quickly, and on our 2nd date, she let me know that alcoholism ran in her family, and that she is a recovering alcoholic (9 years sober). Side note: I here there is a joke about how you can tell two alcoholics...
    gsee60606 gsee60606
    22-25, M
    10 Responses Jan 28, 2010

    21 Years Of Marriage

    My wife is the daughter of an alcoholic father and an emotionally unavailable mother. I'm a psychologist, so I understand all of the in's and out's of personality disorders and how to deescalate tantrum-like behavior. But I find myself breathing easier when my wife works late...
    1800clyde 1800clyde
    56-60, M
    1 Response Sep 10, 2013

    The Face Of Acoa......

    So others can understand.......
    1GR81 1GR81
    2 Responses Sep 19, 2013

    "Sometimes, I need to be right" Living with my

    father who is ACoA is a constant doubt about my thoughts, feelings, actions; constant doubt about what is reality. Yesterday, my mom was showing to him some old pants, she thought they were green; my father says they are blue; my mother doubtfully needed another opinion so she...
    cureav cureav
    31-35, M
    Sep 17, 2014

    I just got married to an ACOA in June.

    Although we've had our share of communication issues during the years that we dated, it escalated exponentionally as soon as we said "I do." In fact, I didn't even know he was ACOA until after we married and he confessed it to me one night. He's been told by multiple therapists...
    lagoonsoverflamingo lagoonsoverflamingo
    4 Responses Jan 6, 2014

    I Have A Question....

    “I have a question. IF the ACOA gets help, possibly goes through a 12 step program and gets a little better (?) do they then leave the broken and damaged person that they were married to behind? The one that was healthy before the ACOA destroyed them... “cntrgrl The answer is...
    1GR81 1GR81
    6 Responses Apr 8, 2012

    Relationship With An Adult Child of An Alcoholic.

     Hi there... My boyfriend's mother is a raging alcoholic and has been for most of her life.   His Dad is a really sweet guy, totally addicted to marijuana, and seems to attract people with addiction problems.   So, he comes from this pretty stereotypical...
    FlyingNinjas FlyingNinjas
    26-30, F
    12 Responses Jul 6, 2009


    Denial is the name of the game for my ACOA. We have been separated for 9 months. He "should" know that divorce is inevitable. The last 13 yrs of our 29 yr relationship has been pure hell. He will lose his marriage, his business, his house and his family will be split apart...
    Time2chainj Time2chainj
    46-50, F
    3 Responses Jul 12, 2012

    My, former life, w an ACoA,

    has added "cold indifference" into my coping toolbox. I deeply regret this.........
    1GR81 1GR81
    3 Responses Oct 6, 2014

    I've known my ACoA for 35 yrs,

    been married 29, six kids, one grandchild. I have never been "happy", something has always been off. I've been hurt for decade with constant emotional distance, minimizing of pain, denial, self defense, lack of focus, claims of ignorance....the list is too long. He is now...
    missycon missycon
    46-50, F
    1 Response Aug 23, 2015

    Until now, I have felt completely lost

    when it comes to understanding certain aspects of my significant other. We are in a committed, long-term relationship, and I love and care for him so deeply. He's recently taken the step to keep a job in the city where I work, in large part so we can maintain our relationship...
    nic225 nic225
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Aug 27, 2014

    It's great to find a group like this

    and better understand that other people are experiencing the same thing as me
    keepmyheadup keepmyheadup
    41-45, M
    Jul 3, 2015

    My Experience ( Sorry So Long)

    I have been with my girlfriend for a little over a year and a half now. For the most part, we have a great relationship. We are absolute best friends, and I love my life with her. She and I come from very different backgrounds, and sometimes our different life...
    MedianStrip MedianStrip
    26-30, M
    6 Responses Apr 16, 2009

    The Heart Of A Monster....

    ...And the little boy looked to his father and said..”Father what is that?” Pointing to the dark and twisted object hanging from the door. An object that gave even the most casual of observers a cold and ominous feeling... an electric, primal shiver of recognition, that...
    1GR81 1GR81
    1 Response Jun 10, 2012

    Help Me Understand... : )

    A man was riding his Harley along a California beach, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge...
    1GR81 1GR81
    Aug 3, 2011

    Hi..I'm new here and hoping to connect with

    people who can relate to my situation. I'm in a tough spot and not sure where to go from here. I've been married for close to 10 years to, who I just discovered, is an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. My husband's father is now sober but was a terrible, mean alcoholic when my...
    AndHereIAm AndHereIAm
    41-45, F
    1 Response Apr 2, 2015

    Living With Coa

        I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He is 43. We have lived together for the past 3 months. We are both madly in love with each other and care about each other a great deal. He is an adult child of an alcoholic. He doesn't talk about it...
    lanah101 lanah101
    2 Responses Aug 16, 2010

    How To Cope With My Boyfriend's Periods Of Isolation

     I'm so happy I found this website because I've been at a loss for what to do about my current situation with my boyfriend. I have been dating him for 6 months and he is an adult child of an alcoholic. His mother drinks almost every night, can become violent, and has...
    texaslove1721 texaslove1721
    18-21, F
    7 Responses Jan 27, 2010

    Armed With A Broken Heart...

    How long will I stay armed with a broken heart?.... It was a poor choice of a weapon to fight a monster....it's jagged edges only served to cut....me. With each thrust it tore a vicious, self inflicted, gash from deep within my soul...falling so very short of its intended target...
    1GR81 1GR81
    Jun 9, 2012

    I'm The Acoa

    Hi everyone,I'm the ACO(violent)A with trust issues and I'm looking for advice from those who have dated, or are dating, ACOAs.Dating in general frightens me, although I'm really looking forward to meeting "Mr. Right" and raising a happy family.One thing I tend to do, with...
    CarchariousCarcharadon CarchariousCarcharadon
    22-25, F
    4 Responses Jan 5, 2011

    How Do I Deal With An Acoa?

    I don't know how this can be brief....I'm struggling with how I should behave with my boyfriend.  He is 48 (I am 35) and is an Adult Child of a brutally abusive and neglectful Alcoholic father.  His father was a high powered lawyer in a big city, who was an extreme alcoholic...
    b429steph b429steph
    10 Responses Sep 17, 2011

    I Am Living With An .....

    I am now married for 20 years. We are both in recovery for good 10 years from addiction and codependency. A light bulb just went off when I was in an meeting when another person (also an adult child of an alcoholic) shared that to stay in control "he could not give" and just...
    tsoede tsoede
    Aug 18, 2013

    I Am Not Ready To Walk Away

    Hi all I have been with Nat for a little over 9 years know and we have and 6 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. She had a really bad childhood, mother was a alcoholic bringing different men to the house on a weekly basis and her Dad was and still is all but useless as a father...
    Dazz101 Dazz101
    31-35, M
    Sep 8, 2013

    "When you use an excuse like,

    “I’ve tried everything” what that generally means is that you’ve tried until something got hard and then gave up" M. Kipp :)
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Nov 21, 2014

    My 5 Years

    Hi to everyone, I was very relieved to see this forum.   For the past five years I have been in a relationship with an ACOA and quite frankly until recently had never heard about the behaviour patterns they exhibit.  When I started reading up on ACOA it was like reading a...
    tmler tmler
    26-30, M
    6 Responses Jan 4, 2010

    I have a question to spouses of ACOAs

    or people whose relative or friend is a spouse of anACOA - how did living with an ACOA changed you personally? I really appreciate your input and you can leave entries here or through my private messages. Thank you.
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Dec 25, 2014

    Down The Rabbit Hole

    My marriage of twelve years to an ACOA/codependent/boderline came to an end last year when I discovered her nasty monstrous secret she had hoped I would never find out. After the birth of our second child in 2006, her true colors began to show and it was just a matter of time...
    tmjwuwei tmjwuwei
    2 Responses Jul 2, 2012

    Read this pearl on Ministry Health website,

    in an article about ACoAs: " If you have an ACOA/ACDF as your friend and supporter, you have a friend for life...unless they sense reasons (albeit imagined) to be afraid, suspicious, or distrusting ." I laughed so hard I cried. It's like a weather forecast "Tomorrow's sunny...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Mar 10, 2015


    What you desire the most is for me to not desire you the most... How can you love me more for loving you less?
    1GR81 1GR81
    1 Response Dec 13, 2011

    Trying To Change For Her

    Hello,Just looking for some insight. I am engaged to a wonderful woman who happens to be an ACOA. Im trying to understand and be as supportive as I possibly can but it seems like its never ever good enough. I am working really hard to support the both of us and am most of the...
    gearsrsticking gearsrsticking
    3 Responses Aug 18, 2012

    I've been married for 7 years to an ACOA

    and recovering alcoholic. The issues were hidden for a long time, even his alcoholism was only truly realized about 3 years ago. As soon as he identified his addiction, he stopped drinking and has been sober for 3 years. It didn't get any easier, in fact things were worse. He...
    tejpreet9 tejpreet9
    36-40, F
    2 Responses Jun 25, 2014

    I Was Told, But Didn't Listen

    I am married to a 44 year old AcOa...a child of alcoholism on both sides of his family. His father was a physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic...more the latter than the former. His mother is an AcOa herself. When I was dating my husband, I went to an Alanon meeting...
    ainmama2001 ainmama2001
    46-50, F
    1 Response Sep 30, 2013

    "Addicted to an ACoA" I was wondering

    if someone could closely describe his own experiences living with an ACoA, in terms of 'relationship addiction'. To me it is like being compulsively over-focused on the actions, appearance and welfare of an ACoA, having constant thoughts and this desperate need to help him cause...
    cureav cureav
    31-35, M
    May 4, 2015

    Apparently we gotta make good from evil

    because there is no other way. If only evil would agree to this idea as well :) Wishing everyone to find something funny in their pain today and have a great day
    deleted deleted
    Nov 29, 2014


    Hello all! I created this group because this topic is very close to me. I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful woman who is also an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA). Through all of the research I have done on ACOA, there is virtually nothing written on those of...
    MedianStrip MedianStrip
    26-30, M
    3 Responses Apr 16, 2009

    The Fog Is Lifting

    For all those out there that come from functional healthy family backgrounds but unfortunately got involved with or married an ACOA/Codependent, this is my rollercoaster ride of dysfunction, disease, confusion and pain. Trying to have a functional relationship with a...
    tmjwuwei tmjwuwei
    7 Responses Aug 23, 2012
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