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I Am Living With An Adult Child of An Alcoholic

Share your experience with either living with (or living life as) an Adult Child of an Alcoholic 80 People

    Armed With A Broken Heart...

    How long will I stay armed with a broken heart?.... It was a poor choice of a weapon to fight a monster....it's jagged edges only served to cut....me. With each thrust it tore a vicious, self inflicted, gash from deep within my soul...falling so very short of its intended target...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Jun 9, 2012

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    My 5 Years

    Hi to everyone, I was very relieved to see this forum.   For the past five years I have been in a relationship with an ACOA and quite frankly until recently had never heard about the behaviour patterns they exhibit.  When I started reading up on ACOA it was like reading a...
    tmler tmler 26-30, M 6 Responses Jan 4, 2010

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    9 Years Of Life With A Acoa

    I dated a guy for over a year.  He was loving and tender and funny, but wasn't perfect.  Then again, who is?   Two weeks after being married he changed.  So for 9 years I have been his yo you.  He is hot or cold to me.  Has had 2 affairs and...
    cntrgrl cntrgrl 51-55 9 Responses Mar 25, 2010

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    I Am And L Lived With An Acoa

    I had only began to accept my father was an alcoholic and discover its impact on my life when I moved in with my bf......who happened to also be an ACOA, it felt like another way or reason we understood each other and were meant to be. Something else we shared with each other...
    1 Response Jan 7, 2013

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    Prints Of Its Handlers....

    “All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.” ― Mitch Albom, The Five People You...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 1 Response Aug 10, 2013

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    "Whenever you are considering throwing in the

    towel, remember that just creates more laundry." Have no idea who said that. For all those having a bad day - it does get better. Once you stop blaming others for how you feel, it gets worse. Once you are letting yourself feel it gets unbearable. Then emotions do what they are...
    rtvbvfde rtvbvfde 26-30, M Aug 18

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    Just Some Things...

    “We are not bad people trying to get good, just sick people trying to get well.” Just some things that moved me while trying to understand. ....and my songs to her
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 2 Responses Nov 26, 2011

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    Welcome!

    Hello all! I created this group because this topic is very close to me. I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful woman who is also an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA). Through all of the research I have done on ACOA, there is virtually nothing written on those of...
    MedianStrip MedianStrip 26-30, M 3 Responses Apr 16, 2009

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    I Have A Question....

    “I have a question. IF the ACOA gets help, possibly goes through a 12 step program and gets a little better (?) do they then leave the broken and damaged person that they were married to behind? The one that was healthy before the ACOA destroyed them... “cntrgrl The answer is...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 6 Responses Apr 8, 2012

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    : (

    I just wanna' go home.....
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Feb 14, 2012

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    The worst about any relashionship

    that truly matters is the pain it brings up. If the pain was not there already there would not be much to bring up, but it's there and it sucks to deal with it, to feel it, to let it heal. I'd rather blame someone else than feel it. I'd rather be agnry. I'd rather point a finger...
    rtvbvfde rtvbvfde 26-30, M Aug 17

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    I've been married for 7 years to an ACOA

    and recovering alcoholic. The issues were hidden for a long time, even his alcoholism was only truly realized about 3 years ago. As soon as he identified his addiction, he stopped drinking and has been sober for 3 years. It didn't get any easier, in fact things were worse. He...
    tejpreet9 tejpreet9 31-35, F 2 Responses Jun 25

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    Revive The Group?

    I just ran across this group. I am an ACoA and as somebody who identifies with "The Problem" I see a lot of misinformation being put across and a great deal of misunderstanding about the issues involved. But I wonder if I were to post here, would anybody notice? Can I start...
    icDavey icDavey 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 16, 2013

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    I Give Up

    I m an ACOA, and I give up. I think it is probably best if I stay out of intimate relationships altogether. I don t really understand them, I don t understand what hurts people and what doesn t or why it does. I m not sure if this is to do with being an ACOA, but I guess it...
    21again45 21again45 31-35 2 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    I recently started dating an ACOA

    and I was hoping some more experienced people could give me tips on how best to interact with him. I myself manage depression so it is difficult for me to understand his needs. Thank you :)
    Chiaramiren Chiaramiren 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 27

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    The Heart Of A Monster....

    ...And the little boy looked to his father and said..”Father what is that?” Pointing to the dark and twisted object hanging from the door. An object that gave even the most casual of observers a cold and ominous feeling... an electric, primal shiver of recognition, that...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 1 Response Jun 10, 2012

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    I Am Not Ready To Walk Away

    Hi all I have been with Nat for a little over 9 years know and we have and 6 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. She had a really bad childhood, mother was a alcoholic bringing different men to the house on a weekly basis and her Dad was and still is all but useless as a father...
    Dazz101 Dazz101 26-30, M Sep 8, 2013

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    I really believed when I came here

    that this group (and some related others) are for people who have an ACoA loved one so they could share their story and be understood and given hope and help each other undestand their loved ones better and to make progress. Yes my brother is an ACoA. Yes he checks out, yes he...
    rtvbvfde rtvbvfde 26-30, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Relationship With An Adult Child of An Alcoholic.

     Hi there... My boyfriend's mother is a raging alcoholic and has been for most of her life.   His Dad is a really sweet guy, totally addicted to marijuana, and seems to attract people with addiction problems.   So, he comes from this pretty stereotypical...
    FlyingNinjas FlyingNinjas 26-30, F 11 Responses Jul 6, 2009

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    Denial

    Denial is the name of the game for my ACOA. We have been separated for 9 months. He "should" know that divorce is inevitable. The last 13 yrs of our 29 yr relationship has been pure hell. He will lose his marriage, his business, his house and his family will be split apart...
    Time2chainj Time2chainj 46-50, F 3 Responses Jul 12, 2012

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    A Longing... (words that never come.)

    Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face You told me how proud you were, but I walked away If only I knew what I know today, ooh, ooh I would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away Thank you for all you've done, forgive all your mistakes There's nothing I wouldn...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 3 Responses Dec 9, 2011

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    I'm The Acoa

    Hi everyone,I'm the ACO(violent)A with trust issues and I'm looking for advice from those who have dated, or are dating, ACOAs.Dating in general frightens me, although I'm really looking forward to meeting "Mr. Right" and raising a happy family.One thing I tend to do, with...
    CarchariousCarcharadon CarchariousCarcharadon 22-25, F 4 Responses Jan 5, 2011

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    Help Me Understand... : )

    A man was riding his Harley along a California beach, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Aug 3, 2011

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    21 Years Of Marriage

    My wife is the daughter of an alcoholic father and an emotionally unavailable mother. I'm a psychologist, so I understand all of the in's and out's of personality disorders and how to deescalate tantrum-like behavior. But I find myself breathing easier when my wife works late...
    1800clyde 1800clyde 51-55, M 1 Response Sep 10, 2013

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    My fiance' is an ACOA.

    When we first started dating I was in heaven. He was attentive, fun, affectionate and so easy to be around. I was in awe. I couldn't believe I had finally found the love of my life. We've been together now for 9mths and it's been in the last 4mths that I've really noticed a...
    Kia76 Kia76 36-40, F 2 Responses May 6

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    Acoa Fortress??

    I found this in the EP group called "I Build Walls Around My Heart “ written by AzoruAn ancient Chinese emperor sits on his throne after his daily security check. His fortress is build like a labyrinth, littered with infantry highly trained swordsmen’s, units of Calvary, and...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Feb 8, 2012

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    Resource For Spouses Of Acoa

    I am in my 40's, and just started dating an ACOA. We hit it off pretty quickly, and on our 2nd date, she let me know that alcoholism ran in her family, and that she is a recovering alcoholic (9 years sober). Side note: I here there is a joke about how you can tell two alcoholics...
    gsee60606 gsee60606 22-25, M 7 Responses Jan 28, 2010

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    So.... s*** happens. Sometimes people make

    mistakes. Huge ones. Sometimes they get into things you've hated your whole life and fought against. And now it's part of your loved ones lives. Part of your life. In other words, sometimes all is great. Just fabuluos. You've made progress. Life is amazing. And then the s...
    rtvbvfde rtvbvfde 26-30, M 1 Response Aug 21

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    A 'Lizard' from Jesus.... (1:20)

    The song in my head.....  (Listen once...Just because you should.  Listen again while reading...If you read.) The one year anniversary of my separation has passed. Today, I awoke to find my feet mired with unusual gravity. Unable to move forward or fall back. My heart...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 6 Responses Nov 28, 2011

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    Trying To Change For Her

    Hello,Just looking for some insight. I am engaged to a wonderful woman who happens to be an ACOA. Im trying to understand and be as supportive as I possibly can but it seems like its never ever good enough. I am working really hard to support the both of us and am most of the...
    gearsrsticking gearsrsticking 31-35 3 Responses Aug 18, 2012

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    I just got married to an ACOA in June.

    Although we've had our share of communication issues during the years that we dated, it escalated exponentionally as soon as we said "I do." In fact, I didn't even know he was ACOA until after we married and he confessed it to me one night. He's been told by multiple therapists...
    lagoonsoverflamingo lagoonsoverflamingo 26-30 3 Responses Jan 6

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    Desire....

    What you desire the most is for me to not desire you the most... How can you love me more for loving you less?
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 1 Response Dec 13, 2011

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    Until now, I have felt completely lost

    when it comes to understanding certain aspects of my significant other. We are in a committed, long-term relationship, and I love and care for him so deeply. He's recently taken the step to keep a job in the city where I work, in large part so we can maintain our relationship...
    nic225 nic225 22-25, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I Was Told, But Didn't Listen

    I am married to a 44 year old AcOa...a child of alcoholism on both sides of his family. His father was a physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic...more the latter than the former. His mother is an AcOa herself. When I was dating my husband, I went to an Alanon meeting...
    ainmama2001 ainmama2001 41-45, F 1 Response Sep 30, 2013

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    How Do I Deal With An Acoa?

    I don't know how this can be brief....I'm struggling with how I should behave with my boyfriend.  He is 48 (I am 35) and is an Adult Child of a brutally abusive and neglectful Alcoholic father.  His father was a high powered lawyer in a big city, who was an extreme alcoholic...
    b429steph b429steph 31-35 10 Responses Sep 17, 2011

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    Down The Rabbit Hole

    My marriage of twelve years to an ACOA/codependent/boderline came to an end last year when I discovered her nasty monstrous secret she had hoped I would never find out. After the birth of our second child in 2006, her true colors began to show and it was just a matter of time...
    tmjwuwei tmjwuwei 41-45 2 Responses Jul 2, 2012

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    My Experience ( Sorry So Long)

    I have been with my girlfriend for a little over a year and a half now. For the most part, we have a great relationship. We are absolute best friends, and I love my life with her. She and I come from very different backgrounds, and sometimes our different life...
    MedianStrip MedianStrip 26-30, M 6 Responses Apr 16, 2009

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    How To Cope With My Boyfriend's Periods Of Isolation

     I'm so happy I found this website because I've been at a loss for what to do about my current situation with my boyfriend. I have been dating him for 6 months and he is an adult child of an alcoholic. His mother drinks almost every night, can become violent, and has...
    texaslove1721 texaslove1721 18-21, F 7 Responses Jan 27, 2010

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    Does anyone here have experience being in a

    relationship with or being married to an Adult Child of Alcoholic? My husband is an acoa and I have only recently realized that a lot of our relationship problems are probably due in part to his chaotic and abusive upbringing with two alcoholic parents. This is all sort of new...
    hangonavocado hangonavocado 31-35, F 4 Responses Dec 30, 2013

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    The Face Of Acoa......

    So others can understand.......
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 1 Response Sep 19, 2013

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    The Fog Is Lifting

    For all those out there that come from functional healthy family backgrounds but unfortunately got involved with or married an ACOA/Codependent, this is my rollercoaster ride of dysfunction, disease, confusion and pain. Trying to have a functional relationship with a...
    tmjwuwei tmjwuwei 41-45 6 Responses Aug 23, 2012

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    Feather

    Like the improbable catch of a feather from a waterfall, my heart insists on grasping and fixating on a fleeting memory... a very personal, private, delicate , indescribable moment...witnessed by no one... a shimmering flicker of what once was. ..the force of a waterfall called...
    1GR81 1GR81 46-50 Feb 3, 2012

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    Note to self: live what you preach baby.

    What do you think? Was too tired, too sick, too many worries, and kept thinking that I will feel my emotions and do yoga and take care of myself... right, just a lil later. He is hurting horribly, he was pushing alll my buttons with all the ways he knew how and today he finally...
    rtvbvfde rtvbvfde 26-30, M 7 hrs ago

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    I Am Living With An .....

    I am now married for 20 years. We are both in recovery for good 10 years from addiction and codependency. A light bulb just went off when I was in an meeting when another person (also an adult child of an alcoholic) shared that to stay in control "he could not give" and just...
    tsoede tsoede 51-55 Aug 18, 2013

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    Living With Coa

        I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He is 43. We have lived together for the past 3 months. We are both madly in love with each other and care about each other a great deal. He is an adult child of an alcoholic. He doesn't talk about it...
    lanah101 lanah101 22-25 2 Responses Aug 16, 2010

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    Related Experiences

    EP was a site that I visited almost daily. It has been taken over by inexperienced, immature, opionated members who seem to lack the ability to think on their own. When one seeks...
    SmrtGuyUT SmrtGuyUT 61-65, M Aug 15

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    Your such an ****! You talk to me like you own me, and guess what you don't. I am my own person I don't need you tearing me down all the time. I'm already having a hard time living...
    DiamondNikki12 DiamondNikki12 18-21, F Jul 30

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    Especially that they duped me into leaving a blooming business and a comfortable, independent life overseas and coming back to the States to live with them. As soon as I'd...
    FryMorgan FryMorgan 22-25, M 1 Response 21 hrs ago

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    Just watched movie flight. Drunk pilot. Got clean and sober in prison. Wish my dad would. Kid asked dad who are you. Have same question for mine. Know what he...
    Livyn4pals Livyn4pals 46-50, M Aug 4

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    I have been married for 15 years. The crossdressing came out about 8 years ago. I was really supportive and loving about it. Felt sorry for Husband that he had had to hide it all...
    LadyLana39 LadyLana39 51-55, F 6 Responses Aug 1

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    It was a day from hell. I went to the hospital for some regular blood work, an I was asked to settle down because the doc wanted to talk about something 'important'. I did not...
    anormalguy anormalguy 26-30, M 2 Responses Aug 18

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    Extremely attractive and a glorious site. As they hold their childs hand and walk down the street. Or push them gently on the swing at park. Or have their child sit on their lap...
    angie0222 angie0222 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 16

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