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I Am Married to a Passive Aggressive

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 145 People

    Married To Pa Female For Many Years And I Am Dying

    I love her. I always have. She says she loves me. But she cannot possibly, because love doesn't "do" this. She denies what she does. Then we fight and she slowly admits it, then says she didn't know she was doing it, then, finally, says she didn't mean it. We have two or...
    linehart linehart 61-65 4 Responses Jan 16, 2013

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    Good News Anyone?

    I've been with my husband for 25+ years now and finally figured it out last month that he is PA and that I wasn't crazy and what I was feeling was valid. It explains all the years of struggle and loneliness. Everything became too much for me to dismiss as accidental or just...
    Hiskeeper Hiskeeper 36-40, F 5 Responses Jul 20, 2012

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    Okay, I Am Passive Aggressive If You Say So..

    Seriously, I just found out that all the distrust, regrets, sneaky suspicions, lack of intimacy among everything else is because he is passive aggressive. I have become unhealthy with "bad dieting", obsessing over what to change, feeling unimportant and so on...
    NeuroticAsh NeuroticAsh 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    The Passive-aggressive Husband Unloads The Dishwasher

    So, the P/A husband unloads the dishwasher.  We bought this house almost 13 years ago, where things go in the kitchen hasn't changed too much over the years.  Plus, if I did make changes, I always made sure to tell him what changes I made.  It shouldn't have been THAT hard for...
    SadAt40 SadAt40 41-45, F 5 Responses Aug 14, 2013

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    I Finally Recognize His Behavior For What It Is.

    I have been married to a passive aggressive man for 9 and a half years, but there really was no sing of his anger problem until 18 months into our marriage. It was like a switch flipped the first time I had a seriously disagreed with him. I have issues of my own that I am dealing...
    nmsky74 nmsky74 51-55 5 Responses Apr 17, 2012

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    Small Vent

    So, since I've decided to divorce my PA husband and have largely disconnected from him emotionally, I've become able to look at his behavior in new light. We had some friends over the other night. He did his regular freak out about the house being "a wreck" (though strangely...
    liltree liltree 31-35, F 2 Responses May 7, 2013

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    Not Passive-Aggressive, Just Passive

    I'm disappointed not to see a group on EP called "I am Married to a Passive Person". Anyone in this same boat? My husband is by nature a very passive, reticent person. Pleasant, accommodating, agreeable to a fault. He avoids confrontation and is not good at standing his ground or...
    belovedblue belovedblue 41-45, F 4 Responses Apr 21, 2013

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    My husband never admits he is wrong.

    I have been married 4 yrs together 6 . It's getting worse it's not all the time every few months but he is becoming more angry each time , the fights are lasting longer and he shows no emotion. This last time he made fun of me while we were arguing it really hurt me. What can I...
    dawnnorman dawnnorman 31-35, F 3 Responses Feb 14

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    The Pa Profile, Due To Health Reasons Believe It Or Not They Can Kill You.

    Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors referenced from About.com with my insights : Ambiguity: I think of the proverb, "Actions speak louder than words" when it comes to the passive aggressive and how ambiguous they can be. They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean. The...
    it4o it4o 46-50, M 4 Responses Dec 17, 2012

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    I have been with my boyfriend

    for almost 10 years. We got together at a young age, and I have always wanted to be more financially stable, and have majority, if not all of my schooling done before we got married. We have talked about it for years, as if we would eventually get married. I was always very...
    cheetachicklet cheetachicklet 26-30 Apr 8

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    She Bought A One Way Ticket Out Of The USA

    In about a month, my 2 daughters and myself will be able to experience peace, harmony, and freedom from fear.She bought herself a 1 way ticket out of the country - LOL!
    it4o it4o 46-50, M Jun 8, 2013

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    Divorce And Passive-Aggressives

    Actually, I am attempting to divorce from a PA. Learning the hard way that... "The first rule for dealing with a passive-aggressive personality is to refrain from getting into a power struggle. They have had a lifetime of practice in doing this and you probably will not win this...
    PeachesGalore PeachesGalore 46-50, F 10 Responses Mar 30, 2012

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    Job Interview - What On Earth??

    Its 8AM, i just got back from completing the kinder car pool. My wife greets me at the door to inform that their's a couple coming over, with a 2yr old baby girl, to interview her for a baby sitting position. So i said WOW!, ok what time? I asked, she said in 2hrs. I said...
    it4o it4o 46-50, M 1 Response Jan 3, 2013

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    Is He Passive Agressive?

    Hi, I would like some advise. I've been married twice. My second husband was great to me except he was a cheater so I divorced him. During our separation my best friend introduced me to her husbands best friend who was also going through a divorce himself. His wife had been in...
    Fabi1920 Fabi1920 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 22, 2013

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    It Is Crazy. No Wait: He Is Crazy

    I have been married for almost 35 years to a PA. I should have left 10 years ago when I found out that he was in love with a ******** but I hung in, mostly for the kids, plus the fact that he played the part of "repentant husband" for about 6 months. Hey, I was so grateful...
    nansei1 nansei1 56-60, F 2 Responses Nov 25, 2013

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    Trying To Chew Thru The Restraints

    The big problem is that the passive aggressive spouse is married to money. It is his love. He controls all of it and I used to trust his decisions but now realize what an idiot I have been. I left my career to partner w/him in a building and owning a restaurant. We now have eight...
    nansei1 nansei1 56-60, F 2 Responses Nov 30, 2013

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    This morning he stomped into the bedroom

    where I for once was sleeping in. I've had a bad cold with a cough for 2 weeks so I'm a bit tired. We had spoken about the family coming along to his work BBQ this am but never said a set time, only that we had to leave pretty early. So, after I fed the dog at 5am I went back to...
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce 41-45, F Jul 20

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    Confusion!

    I've been married for nearly 25 years before I left my PA husband. I married him after only knowing him for 3 months and I was pregnant. I was young and naive. I truly believed "love" will get us through anything. Maybe I thought love between husband and wife is suppose to be...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Dec 16, 2012

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    The Passive-aggressive Husband And The Dry-erase Board.

    How hard is it to get a P/A husband to use a dry-erase board? Apparently it would take the sun setting in the east for my P/A STBX to use a dry-erase board to keep track of what we needed to buy. I bought a magnetic board for the fridge over 10 (TEN!) years ago. Just before my...
    SadAt40 SadAt40 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 14, 2013

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    It Has Nothing to Do With Me

    On one hand, it was fantastic to learn that most of the troubles in my marriage had nothing to do with me.  On the other hand it was overwhelming to learn that there really isn't that much I can do to help or change the situation.  I've been married to a passive...
    influx influx 41-45, F 8 Responses Sep 12, 2009

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    Kicking Myself

    Married for the 2nd time at age 52 (55 now).  I knew before we married that he was PA.  Played head games with myself ("But he's great 85% of the time.  He loves me.  We have fun together.")  85% great is awesome, but when that 15% pure sh*t kicks-in, it's nearly unbearable...
    DejaVuZoo DejaVuZoo 51-55, F 4 Responses Jul 23, 2011

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    Married 17-Seperated 10-Now I Am Crazy

    I was married and lived with a PA for 17 yrs and we have 2 daughters. I learned that one will never get what they need from a PA, they are always holding back and providing just crumbs. Early on, he once told me that he would not tell me he loved me often because that would...
    attitude17 attitude17 51-55 4 Responses Jun 20, 2013

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    I'Ve Seen The Light

    After seven years of foolishness I moved away from my PA husband. He was very sweet at first. Then all of the love and caring stopped about a year ago. I became very frustrated and angry as I tried to make our relationship work. I had enough and 3 months ago I left. We don't have...
    Sj101 Sj101 51-55, F 1 Response Nov 23, 2013

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    PA World'S Greatest Salesmen

    After beng groomed to spend my life being tortured by a PA husband. I realize they are the world's greatest salesmen. They love to romance, dazzle, amaze, and "please".. Oh but wait into they get you trapped, dependent, vulnerable in their web of smoke & mirrors. That is when the...
    SpirituallyLed9 SpirituallyLed9 31-35, F 3 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    And I feel like I'm going insane.

    How much more of this crap can I take? Is there a limit? Just had couples therapy today but I feel like he just happily agrees with therapist, then does exactly the same crap the second we're out of there. I've agreed to dismiss divorce case (yesterday) and today - up pops the...
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce 41-45, F 2 Responses Sep 23

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    I Am So Glad I Found All Of You!!!

    I am married to a PA! This is a second marriage for me. I am a widow. I am 44, my first husband passed away almost 9 years ago of cancer and I have 2 children from him, 2 boys ages 16 and 18. My marriage to my first husband was wonderful. We were together 17 years, 12 of...
    frustratedwife116 frustratedwife116 41-45 3 Responses Aug 2, 2011

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    I Guess I'll Never Understand...

    After reading through everyone's posts, it has confirmed my suspicious that my soon-to-be XH is a passive aggressive. My main question is: How can he (and people like him) remain "content" with living life in that fashion? I don't understand it. It's amazing how they can pretend...
    FearfulandFree FearfulandFree 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 4, 2013

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    Frustrated

    I have been married to my husband for almost two years, we have a beautiful daughter together. At first I was so impressed with him always being "fine" with everything. Now I am starting to feel more alone in the relationship. He has never answered any of my direct questions...
    amyjoh amyjoh 31-35, F 3 Responses May 23, 2013

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    Things Looking Up....

    This is more of a general update.As I've stated in previous stories, I'm with my husband for a reason.He DOES want to work on his PA, our relationship, and we love each other.Getting him to open up to his feelings is a long and hard process. One that we are fortunate enough to...
    we446 we446 36-40, F 1 Response Jan 2, 2013

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    When Your Heart Speaks, Take Notes...

    During another explosive fight with my husband, my son interjected for the first time and screamed repeatedly, "STOP! JUST STOP!". After that fight and 15 years of marriage, I decided I had traumatized my children enough and checked out books from the library on how to know if...
    25March 25March 36-40, F 2 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    Losing One's Self To A Pa Spouse

    Before I go on, allow me to to write a brief history and disclaimer: Having a Co-Dependency nature has led me into the love/hate life I lead today. Since marrying my spouse (and finding a personal relationship with God), my life has changed for the better in so many ways. I come...
    we446 we446 36-40, F 2 Responses Dec 22, 2012

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    Pets And The Passive Aggressive Person

    Among the host of other dubious behaviors from my Passive Aggressive housemate is the mistreatment of our beloved pet. I returned home last night, having been away for 6 days.  Our dog rushed to me and was licking the watered plants I brought in with me.  I looked at her large...
    ubasti ubasti 70+ 2 Responses Oct 17, 2013

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    After All This Time....

    In an effort not to be too wordy, I will try to cut and splice my story. I met my spouse 11 years ago. Looking back, all the signs were there. It was my own unwillingness to realize it, that brings us where we are today. This is my second marriage. Who wants two failed ones...
    finallysee finallysee 41-45, F 6 Responses Sep 5, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    From the book 'Living with the Passive Aggressive Man': The truth is that the passive-aggressive man does not ride an emotional seesaw (although he may put you on one)... So true...
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce 41-45, F 1 Response Nov 15

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    I loathe that some women are so petty and passive aggressive. Speak up or save the attitude. But that's too logical for you.
    Rosebox Rosebox 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 12

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    I am not overly passive aggressive, but I do have its' tendencies. Regardless, I was contemplating today on my past and remembering all the withered friendships. Today, I thought...
    leesalee1290 leesalee1290 22-25, M Nov 16

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    Whoever said life with one of these creatures is 'soul-sucking' knew what they were talking about. When one's soul has been sucked out, one Surely has nothing left in them to make...
    MamaAbby MamaAbby 56-60, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    Marriage There are two kinds of things in life, basically: logical, and emotional. Emotionally driven things tend to turn out badly, for me anyway. I’ve been in love 7 or more...
    Regrets472 Regrets472 26-30, F 1 Response Nov 11

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    Marriage There are two kinds of things in life, basically: logical, and emotional. Emotionally driven things tend to turn out badly, for me anyway. I’ve been in love 7 or more...
    Regrets472 Regrets472 26-30, F Nov 11

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    Marriage There are two kinds of things in life, basically: logical, and emotional. Emotionally driven things tend to turn out badly, for me anyway. I’ve been in love 7 or more...
    Regrets472 Regrets472 26-30, F 1 Response Nov 11

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    Marriage There are two kinds of things in life, basically: logical, and emotional. Emotionally driven things tend to turn out badly, for me anyway. I’ve been in love 7 or more...
    Regrets472 Regrets472 26-30, F Nov 11

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    Marriage There are two kinds of things in life, basically: logical, and emotional. Emotionally driven things tend to turn out badly, for me anyway. I’ve been in love 7 or more...
    Regrets472 Regrets472 26-30, F 1 Response Nov 11

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    I am married to wonderful man who takes great care of me but I sulk over the past I guess... Would you be okay if your husband was friends with someone of the opposite sex? My...
    Nannyxd Nannyxd 18-21, F 6 Responses 5 days ago

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    I know, that's not supposed to be possible. People say it's not possible, that I'm deluding myself. I'm looking for a way out, I secretly hate her, we must have a sexless...
    roykirk roykirk 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    My husband and I got married because I was pregnant with our daughter, which was fine, but neither of us really wanted to get married. Our families pressured us into it (both are...
    katinbell katinbell 22-25, F 9 Responses Oct 30

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    It's been a long time since I've posted. A lot has happened and so much to say. The divorce finalised over two years ago we lived with each other for the past 2 years, I got to...
    popsydoodle popsydoodle 18-21, F Nov 2

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    I want a lot of odd things from my mate and on top of everything is the fact that I don't want to be married or have kids. For many those two things are the climax of a LTR so a...
    newasexy newasexy 26-30, F 1 Response Nov 3

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    Ok, I got married in secret this weekend and am already tired of feeling like I am living a double life. I want to tell my parents, but they will be livid and disappointed. They...
    CheyC CheyC 18-21 Nov 12

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    I was married before I graduated from high school, divorced, and pregnant before I was legally able to drink alcohol so I've had more than a few great lessons prior to reaching...
    PricelessJourney PricelessJourney 31-35, F Nov 14

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