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I Am Married to a Passive Aggressive

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 153 People

    I Finally Recognize His Behavior For What It Is.

    I have been married to a passive aggressive man for 9 and a half years, but there really was no sing of his anger problem until 18 months into our marriage. It was like a switch flipped the first time I had a seriously disagreed with him. I have issues of my own that I am dealing...
    nmsky74 nmsky74 51-55 5 Responses Apr 17, 2012

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    Is He Passive Agressive?

    Hi, I would like some advise. I've been married twice. My second husband was great to me except he was a cheater so I divorced him. During our separation my best friend introduced me to her husbands best friend who was also going through a divorce himself. His wife had been in...
    Fabi1920 Fabi1920 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 22, 2013

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    A new survey has revealed

    that one 25% of women prefer to be with men 10+ years older than they are, while one third of men prefer to be with women 10+ years younger than them.The study, conducted by online younger women older men dating site www.agemeet.com , collected data from 53,233 users with the...
    Katycc11 Katycc11 26-30, F Nov 27

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    Job Interview - What On Earth??

    Its 8AM, i just got back from completing the kinder car pool. My wife greets me at the door to inform that their's a couple coming over, with a 2yr old baby girl, to interview her for a baby sitting position. So i said WOW!, ok what time? I asked, she said in 2hrs. I said...
    it4o it4o 46-50, M 1 Response Jan 3, 2013

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    Small Vent

    So, since I've decided to divorce my PA husband and have largely disconnected from him emotionally, I've become able to look at his behavior in new light. We had some friends over the other night. He did his regular freak out about the house being "a wreck" (though strangely...
    liltree liltree 31-35, F 2 Responses May 7, 2013

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    Kicking Myself

    Married for the 2nd time at age 52 (55 now).  I knew before we married that he was PA.  Played head games with myself ("But he's great 85% of the time.  He loves me.  We have fun together.")  85% great is awesome, but when that 15% pure sh*t kicks-in, it's nearly unbearable...
    DejaVuZoo DejaVuZoo 51-55, F 4 Responses Jul 23, 2011

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    Married 17-Seperated 10-Now I Am Crazy

    I was married and lived with a PA for 17 yrs and we have 2 daughters. I learned that one will never get what they need from a PA, they are always holding back and providing just crumbs. Early on, he once told me that he would not tell me he loved me often because that would...
    attitude17 attitude17 51-55 4 Responses Jun 20, 2013

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    She Bought A One Way Ticket Out Of The USA

    In about a month, my 2 daughters and myself will be able to experience peace, harmony, and freedom from fear.She bought herself a 1 way ticket out of the country - LOL!
    it4o it4o 46-50, M Jun 8, 2013

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    I Guess I'll Never Understand...

    After reading through everyone's posts, it has confirmed my suspicious that my soon-to-be XH is a passive aggressive. My main question is: How can he (and people like him) remain "content" with living life in that fashion? I don't understand it. It's amazing how they can pretend...
    FearfulandFree FearfulandFree 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 4, 2013

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    It Is Crazy. No Wait: He Is Crazy

    I have been married for almost 35 years to a PA. I should have left 10 years ago when I found out that he was in love with a ******** but I hung in, mostly for the kids, plus the fact that he played the part of "repentant husband" for about 6 months. Hey, I was so grateful...
    nansei1 nansei1 56-60, F 2 Responses Nov 25, 2013

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    And I feel like I'm going insane.

    How much more of this crap can I take? Is there a limit? Just had couples therapy today but I feel like he just happily agrees with therapist, then does exactly the same crap the second we're out of there. I've agreed to dismiss divorce case (yesterday) and today - up pops the...
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce 41-45, F 2 Responses Sep 23

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    It Has Nothing to Do With Me

    On one hand, it was fantastic to learn that most of the troubles in my marriage had nothing to do with me.  On the other hand it was overwhelming to learn that there really isn't that much I can do to help or change the situation.  I've been married to a passive...
    influx influx 41-45, F 8 Responses Sep 12, 2009

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    Things Looking Up....

    This is more of a general update.As I've stated in previous stories, I'm with my husband for a reason.He DOES want to work on his PA, our relationship, and we love each other.Getting him to open up to his feelings is a long and hard process. One that we are fortunate enough to...
    we446 we446 36-40, F 1 Response Jan 2, 2013

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    The Passive-aggressive Husband And The Dry-erase Board.

    How hard is it to get a P/A husband to use a dry-erase board? Apparently it would take the sun setting in the east for my P/A STBX to use a dry-erase board to keep track of what we needed to buy. I bought a magnetic board for the fridge over 10 (TEN!) years ago. Just before my...
    SadAt40 SadAt40 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 14, 2013

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    Oh no. This day is going to be a disaster.

    He woke up in a foul mood and I diffused it only for him to look out the window a few hours later and see that the dog kicked mulch onto the driveway again. I heard him start yelling at the dog and I ran downstairs and yelled at him to leave the dog alone! He slammed the door...
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 6 Responses Nov 27

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    This morning he stomped into the bedroom

    where I for once was sleeping in. I've had a bad cold with a cough for 2 weeks so I'm a bit tired. We had spoken about the family coming along to his work BBQ this am but never said a set time, only that we had to leave pretty early. So, after I fed the dog at 5am I went back to...
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce 41-45, F Jul 20

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    Frustrated

    I have been married to my husband for almost two years, we have a beautiful daughter together. At first I was so impressed with him always being "fine" with everything. Now I am starting to feel more alone in the relationship. He has never answered any of my direct questions...
    amyjoh amyjoh 31-35, F 3 Responses May 23, 2013

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    Losing One's Self To A Pa Spouse

    Before I go on, allow me to to write a brief history and disclaimer: Having a Co-Dependency nature has led me into the love/hate life I lead today. Since marrying my spouse (and finding a personal relationship with God), my life has changed for the better in so many ways. I come...
    we446 we446 36-40, F 2 Responses Dec 22, 2012

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    Okay, I Am Passive Aggressive If You Say So..

    Seriously, I just found out that all the distrust, regrets, sneaky suspicions, lack of intimacy among everything else is because he is passive aggressive. I have become unhealthy with "bad dieting", obsessing over what to change, feeling unimportant and so on...
    NeuroticAsh NeuroticAsh 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    Pets And The Passive Aggressive Person

    Among the host of other dubious behaviors from my Passive Aggressive housemate is the mistreatment of our beloved pet. I returned home last night, having been away for 6 days.  Our dog rushed to me and was licking the watered plants I brought in with me.  I looked at her large...
    ubasti ubasti 70+ 2 Responses Oct 17, 2013

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    I'Ve Seen The Light

    After seven years of foolishness I moved away from my PA husband. He was very sweet at first. Then all of the love and caring stopped about a year ago. I became very frustrated and angry as I tried to make our relationship work. I had enough and 3 months ago I left. We don't have...
    Sj101 Sj101 51-55, F 1 Response Nov 23, 2013

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    After All This Time....

    In an effort not to be too wordy, I will try to cut and splice my story. I met my spouse 11 years ago. Looking back, all the signs were there. It was my own unwillingness to realize it, that brings us where we are today. This is my second marriage. Who wants two failed ones...
    finallysee finallysee 41-45, F 6 Responses Sep 5, 2013

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    The Passive-aggressive Husband Unloads The Dishwasher

    So, the P/A husband unloads the dishwasher.  We bought this house almost 13 years ago, where things go in the kitchen hasn't changed too much over the years.  Plus, if I did make changes, I always made sure to tell him what changes I made.  It shouldn't have been THAT hard for...
    SadAt40 SadAt40 41-45, F 5 Responses Aug 14, 2013

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    I Am So Glad I Found All Of You!!!

    I am married to a PA! This is a second marriage for me. I am a widow. I am 44, my first husband passed away almost 9 years ago of cancer and I have 2 children from him, 2 boys ages 16 and 18. My marriage to my first husband was wonderful. We were together 17 years, 12 of...
    frustratedwife116 frustratedwife116 41-45 3 Responses Aug 2, 2011

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    Confusion!

    I've been married for nearly 25 years before I left my PA husband. I married him after only knowing him for 3 months and I was pregnant. I was young and naive. I truly believed "love" will get us through anything. Maybe I thought love between husband and wife is suppose to be...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Dec 16, 2012

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    I have been with my boyfriend

    for almost 10 years. We got together at a young age, and I have always wanted to be more financially stable, and have majority, if not all of my schooling done before we got married. We have talked about it for years, as if we would eventually get married. I was always very...
    cheetachicklet cheetachicklet 26-30 Apr 8

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    Trying To Chew Thru The Restraints

    The big problem is that the passive aggressive spouse is married to money. It is his love. He controls all of it and I used to trust his decisions but now realize what an idiot I have been. I left my career to partner w/him in a building and owning a restaurant. We now have eight...
    nansei1 nansei1 56-60, F 2 Responses Nov 30, 2013

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    Good News Anyone?

    I've been with my husband for 25+ years now and finally figured it out last month that he is PA and that I wasn't crazy and what I was feeling was valid. It explains all the years of struggle and loneliness. Everything became too much for me to dismiss as accidental or just...
    Hiskeeper Hiskeeper 36-40, F 5 Responses Jul 20, 2012

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    My husband never admits he is wrong.

    I have been married 4 yrs together 6 . It's getting worse it's not all the time every few months but he is becoming more angry each time , the fights are lasting longer and he shows no emotion. This last time he made fun of me while we were arguing it really hurt me. What can I...
    dawnnorman dawnnorman 31-35, F 3 Responses Feb 14

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    The Pa Profile, Due To Health Reasons Believe It Or Not They Can Kill You.

    Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors referenced from About.com with my insights : Ambiguity: I think of the proverb, "Actions speak louder than words" when it comes to the passive aggressive and how ambiguous they can be. They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean. The...
    it4o it4o 46-50, M 4 Responses Dec 17, 2012

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    When Your Heart Speaks, Take Notes...

    During another explosive fight with my husband, my son interjected for the first time and screamed repeatedly, "STOP! JUST STOP!". After that fight and 15 years of marriage, I decided I had traumatized my children enough and checked out books from the library on how to know if...
    25March 25March 36-40, F 2 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    Married To Pa Female For Many Years And I Am Dying

    I love her. I always have. She says she loves me. But she cannot possibly, because love doesn't "do" this. She denies what she does. Then we fight and she slowly admits it, then says she didn't know she was doing it, then, finally, says she didn't mean it. We have two or...
    linehart linehart 61-65 4 Responses Jan 16, 2013

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    Not Passive-Aggressive, Just Passive

    I'm disappointed not to see a group on EP called "I am Married to a Passive Person". Anyone in this same boat? My husband is by nature a very passive, reticent person. Pleasant, accommodating, agreeable to a fault. He avoids confrontation and is not good at standing his ground or...
    belovedblue belovedblue 41-45, F 4 Responses Apr 21, 2013

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    Divorce And Passive-Aggressives

    Actually, I am attempting to divorce from a PA. Learning the hard way that... "The first rule for dealing with a passive-aggressive personality is to refrain from getting into a power struggle. They have had a lifetime of practice in doing this and you probably will not win this...
    PeachesGalore PeachesGalore 46-50, F 10 Responses Mar 30, 2012

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    PA World'S Greatest Salesmen

    After beng groomed to spend my life being tortured by a PA husband. I realize they are the world's greatest salesmen. They love to romance, dazzle, amaze, and "please".. Oh but wait into they get you trapped, dependent, vulnerable in their web of smoke & mirrors. That is when the...
    SpirituallyLed9 SpirituallyLed9 31-35, F 3 Responses Feb 6, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    Today he saw that I accidentally over drafted our checking account while ordering Christmas presents. It's rare that I do that but I'm not as good as I used to be at keeping it...
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 6 Responses Dec 5

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    I am 58 years old and have a passive aggressive mother. My sister in law classified this behavior and I have just started to research. I just came back from a visit with mom and...
    marlenesdaughter marlenesdaughter 56-60, F Dec 20

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    Married to a PA for 42 years that I still love, but hate the way he treats me and I just can't do it anymore. I am feeling so guilty because I have finally made the decision to...
    Jeannie1952 Jeannie1952 61-65, F Dec 18

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    Been sat here reeling after my last 'contact' with my mother three days ago. We hadn't spoken for two months after our last argument (which resulted in me screaming at her after...
    powderkeg powderkeg 31-35, F Dec 14

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    I've started treating him like he treats me the last few weeks. It's kinda funny to watch him try to figure out why he's not being pampered anymore. He looks scared. I think he...
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 4 Responses Nov 30

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    This morning my husband had said he would take our teen son to the top of the road where the bus stops. I didn't even ask him to. I noticed my husband seemed to be running late for...
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 1 Response Dec 1

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    I believe my husband is mentally and emotionally abusive to me. He does so many things to mess with my mind and self esteem that I am no longer myself anymore. I am very withdrawn...
    MarylouD MarylouD 51-55, F 1 Response Dec 2

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    I suppose I really need to vent, to perhaps hear other stories of how this behaviour is so so damaging, to hear that to accept it is to accept the nothingness you feel you have...
    liloldme77 liloldme77 70+, F Dec 3

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    I woke up this morning, and walked outside to see my mother and older brother working outside. My mother looks over at me, smiles and tells me "Good morning. We've just been...
    LittleClouds LittleClouds 18-21, F Dec 9

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    We are taught growing up that we have to accept people for who they are. I think it's more important to learn to accept yourself and love yourself for who you are. Then you will...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 13 Responses Dec 6

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    my husband has passive-aggressive personality disorder. He often complains about my lack of doing things "right", has expectations about what I should do but does not communicate...
    KaySage KaySage 36-40, F 19 Responses 1 day ago

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    Forgive me and my harshness right about now. But I need to purge my angst at this time. If you have something to say, say it to my face! Don't use your stories to indirectly...
    AquariusLife AquariusLife 26-30, F 3 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    This morning I turned him down. A "refuser" they would say on the sexless marriage thread. But it was 3:45 am. He had to be up for work and I WAS sleeping. I felt the stroke of...
    bethany444 bethany444 46-50, F 20 Responses Dec 13

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    How do i know if he's still married? I met this guy two months a go. He's 10 years older than me. From the first time i met him i can totally feel that there was a mutual...
    LovelyLilly13 LovelyLilly13 22-25, F Dec 13

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