I Am Married to a Passive Aggressive

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 189 People

    I'Ve Seen The Light

    After seven years of foolishness I moved away from my PA husband. He was very sweet at first. Then all of the love and caring stopped about a year ago. I became very frustrated and angry as I tried to make our relationship work. I had enough and 3 months ago I left. We don't have...
    Sj101 Sj101
    56-60, F
    Nov 23, 2013

    Small Vent

    So, since I've decided to divorce my PA husband and have largely disconnected from him emotionally, I've become able to look at his behavior in new light. We had some friends over the other night. He did his regular freak out about the house being "a wreck" (though strangely...
    liltree liltree
    31-35, F
    1 Response May 7, 2013

    Kicking Myself

    Married for the 2nd time at age 52 (55 now).  I knew before we married that he was PA.  Played head games with myself ("But he's great 85% of the time.  He loves me.  We have fun together.")  85% great is awesome, but when that 15% pure sh*t kicks-in, it's nearly unbearable...
    DejaVuZoo DejaVuZoo
    51-55, F
    4 Responses Jul 23, 2011

    Married To Pa Female For Many Years And I Am Dying

    I love her. I always have. She says she loves me. But she cannot possibly, because love doesn't "do" this. She denies what she does. Then we fight and she slowly admits it, then says she didn't know she was doing it, then, finally, says she didn't mean it. We have two or...
    linehart linehart
    4 Responses Jan 16, 2013

    Is He Passive Agressive?

    Hi, I would like some advise. I've been married twice. My second husband was great to me except he was a cheater so I divorced him. During our separation my best friend introduced me to her husbands best friend who was also going through a divorce himself. His wife had been in...
    Fabi1920 Fabi1920
    36-40, F
    Jul 22, 2013

    Pets And The Passive Aggressive Person

    Among the host of other dubious behaviors from my Passive Aggressive housemate is the mistreatment of our beloved pet. I returned home last night, having been away for 6 days.  Our dog rushed to me and was licking the watered plants I brought in with me.  I looked at her large...
    ubasti ubasti
    2 Responses Oct 17, 2013

    The Passive-aggressive Husband Unloads The Dishwasher

    So, the P/A husband unloads the dishwasher.  We bought this house almost 13 years ago, where things go in the kitchen hasn't changed too much over the years.  Plus, if I did make changes, I always made sure to tell him what changes I made.  It shouldn't have been THAT hard for...
    SadAt40 SadAt40
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Aug 14, 2013

    Yes, the sociopathic narcissist is passive

    aggressive too. I read a book about toxic personalities and the book concluded that the passive aggressive is the most toxic to live with. There are degrees of passivity but all passive aggression is a form of hostility. It's a brutal under lying tone of contempt and destruction...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    8 Responses Feb 8, 2015


    I have been married to my husband for almost two years, we have a beautiful daughter together. At first I was so impressed with him always being "fine" with everything. Now I am starting to feel more alone in the relationship. He has never answered any of my direct questions...
    amyjoh amyjoh
    31-35, F
    3 Responses May 23, 2013

    Trying To Chew Thru The Restraints

    The big problem is that the passive aggressive spouse is married to money. It is his love. He controls all of it and I used to trust his decisions but now realize what an idiot I have been. I left my career to partner w/him in a building and owning a restaurant. We now have eight...
    nansei1 nansei1
    56-60, F
    2 Responses Nov 30, 2013

    I do everything for my "husband"

    and he treats me like ****, lies to my face, goes behind my back. I've only got a few weeks left of my pregnancy 1st, and I'm dying to leave him cause it's torture being around him but would I be a bad person for leaving the situation? Feel guilty and I know I shouldn't but he...
    jessiblue jessiblue
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jan 22, 2016

    I Am So Glad I Found All Of You!!!

    I am married to a PA! This is a second marriage for me. I am a widow. I am 44, my first husband passed away almost 9 years ago of cancer and I have 2 children from him, 2 boys ages 16 and 18. My marriage to my first husband was wonderful. We were together 17 years, 12 of...
    frustratedwife116 frustratedwife116
    3 Responses Aug 2, 2011

    After All This Time....

    In an effort not to be too wordy, I will try to cut and splice my story. I met my spouse 11 years ago. Looking back, all the signs were there. It was my own unwillingness to realize it, that brings us where we are today. This is my second marriage. Who wants two failed ones...
    finallysee finallysee
    41-45, F
    6 Responses Sep 5, 2013

    I Finally Recognize His Behavior For What It Is.

    I have been married to a passive aggressive man for 9 and a half years, but there really was no sing of his anger problem until 18 months into our marriage. It was like a switch flipped the first time I had a seriously disagreed with him. I have issues of my own that I am dealing...
    nmsky74 nmsky74
    5 Responses Apr 17, 2012

    And I feel like I'm going insane.

    How much more of this crap can I take? Is there a limit? Just had couples therapy today but I feel like he just happily agrees with therapist, then does exactly the same crap the second we're out of there. I've agreed to dismiss divorce case (yesterday) and today - up pops the...
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Sep 23, 2014

    Divorce And Passive-Aggressives

    Actually, I am attempting to divorce from a PA. Learning the hard way that... "The first rule for dealing with a passive-aggressive personality is to refrain from getting into a power struggle. They have had a lifetime of practice in doing this and you probably will not win this...
    PeachesGalore PeachesGalore
    46-50, F
    6 Responses Mar 30, 2012

    Losing One's Self To A Pa Spouse

    Before I go on, allow me to to write a brief history and disclaimer: Having a Co-Dependency nature has led me into the love/hate life I lead today. Since marrying my spouse (and finding a personal relationship with God), my life has changed for the better in so many ways. I come...
    we446 we446
    36-40, F
    2 Responses Dec 22, 2012

    My husband never admits he is wrong.

    I have been married 4 yrs together 6 . It's getting worse it's not all the time every few months but he is becoming more angry each time , the fights are lasting longer and he shows no emotion. This last time he made fun of me while we were arguing it really hurt me. What can I...
    dawnnorman dawnnorman
    36-40, F
    3 Responses Feb 14, 2014

    It Has Nothing to Do With Me

    On one hand, it was fantastic to learn that most of the troubles in my marriage had nothing to do with me.  On the other hand it was overwhelming to learn that there really isn't that much I can do to help or change the situation.  I've been married to a passive...
    influx influx
    41-45, F
    8 Responses Sep 12, 2009

    After 10 years and two therapists,

    I have to wonder if it's worth trying any more. Especially since I'm the one who's always "losing it." And he's the one who insists "there's nothing wrong." Yes I reap the benefit of his major tantrums every 6 months over a mix-up in plans that I've already fixed. Please...
    janaykirk janaykirk
    46-50, F
    1 Response Dec 17, 2015

    Good News Anyone?

    I've been with my husband for 25+ years now and finally figured it out last month that he is PA and that I wasn't crazy and what I was feeling was valid. It explains all the years of struggle and loneliness. Everything became too much for me to dismiss as accidental or just...
    Hiskeeper Hiskeeper
    36-40, F
    5 Responses Jul 20, 2012

    This morning he stomped into the bedroom

    where I for once was sleeping in. I've had a bad cold with a cough for 2 weeks so I'm a bit tired. We had spoken about the family coming along to his work BBQ this am but never said a set time, only that we had to leave pretty early. So, after I fed the dog at 5am I went back to...
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce
    41-45, F
    Jul 20, 2014

    There are numerous older men in the world

    who are single and seeking someone special in their life. For all such men, AgeMeet.com has been created as a reliable online platform to find women for dating and companionship. The spokesperson reports that many older men have started finding perfect companions through their...
    kyliecc11 kyliecc11
    26-30, F
    Jun 10, 2015

    the heck with this bs.

    and he's passed it on to his daughter. they both make me sick.
    amydextrous1 amydextrous1
    46-50, F
    Jun 9, 2015

    Okay, I Am Passive Aggressive If You Say So..

    Seriously, I just found out that all the distrust, regrets, sneaky suspicions, lack of intimacy among everything else is because he is passive aggressive. I have become unhealthy with "bad dieting", obsessing over what to change, feeling unimportant and so on...
    NeuroticAsh NeuroticAsh
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Jul 10, 2009

    PA World'S Greatest Salesmen

    After beng groomed to spend my life being tortured by a PA husband. I realize they are the world's greatest salesmen. They love to romance, dazzle, amaze, and "please".. Oh but wait into they get you trapped, dependent, vulnerable in their web of smoke & mirrors. That is when the...
    SpirituallyLed9 SpirituallyLed9
    31-35, F
    3 Responses Feb 6, 2013

    Things Looking Up....

    This is more of a general update.As I've stated in previous stories, I'm with my husband for a reason.He DOES want to work on his PA, our relationship, and we love each other.Getting him to open up to his feelings is a long and hard process. One that we are fortunate enough to...
    we446 we446
    36-40, F
    Jan 2, 2013

    It Is Crazy. No Wait: He Is Crazy

    I have been married for almost 35 years to a PA. I should have left 10 years ago when I found out that he was in love with a ******** but I hung in, mostly for the kids, plus the fact that he played the part of "repentant husband" for about 6 months. Hey, I was so grateful...
    nansei1 nansei1
    56-60, F
    2 Responses Nov 25, 2013

    Not Passive-Aggressive, Just Passive

    I'm disappointed not to see a group on EP called "I am Married to a Passive Person". Anyone in this same boat? My husband is by nature a very passive, reticent person. Pleasant, accommodating, agreeable to a fault. He avoids confrontation and is not good at standing his ground or...
    belovedblue belovedblue
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Apr 21, 2013

    has yours ever made plans

    for the fsmily? followed through with anything?
    amydextrous1 amydextrous1
    46-50, F
    2 Responses Apr 6, 2015

    The Passive-aggressive Husband And The Dry-erase Board.

    How hard is it to get a P/A husband to use a dry-erase board? Apparently it would take the sun setting in the east for my P/A STBX to use a dry-erase board to keep track of what we needed to buy. I bought a magnetic board for the fridge over 10 (TEN!) years ago. Just before my...
    SadAt40 SadAt40
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Aug 14, 2013


    I answered a question tonight- I got swung on and I flinched and he missed- I left the light on- hes stomping around… I cooked a good dinner- wasn’t good enough- getting punished ( Its either rage for hours or silence and attitude for days) BUT..it is enough I know my place...
    3 Responses Jan 27, 2013


    I've been married for nearly 25 years before I left my PA husband. I married him after only knowing him for 3 months and I was pregnant. I was young and naive. I truly believed "love" will get us through anything. Maybe I thought love between husband and wife is suppose to be...
    deleted deleted
    3 Responses Dec 16, 2012

    When Your Heart Speaks, Take Notes...

    During another explosive fight with my husband, my son interjected for the first time and screamed repeatedly, "STOP! JUST STOP!". After that fight and 15 years of marriage, I decided I had traumatized my children enough and checked out books from the library on how to know if...
    25March 25March
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Mar 27, 2013

    A new survey has revealed

    that one 25% of women prefer to be with men 10+ years older than they are, while one third of men prefer to be with women 10+ years younger than them.The study, conducted by online younger women older men dating site www.agemeet.com , collected data from 53,233 users with the...
    Katycc11 Katycc11
    26-30, F
    Nov 27, 2014

    Married 17-Seperated 10-Now I Am Crazy

    I was married and lived with a PA for 17 yrs and we have 2 daughters. I learned that one will never get what they need from a PA, they are always holding back and providing just crumbs. Early on, he once told me that he would not tell me he loved me often because that would...
    attitude17 attitude17
    4 Responses Jun 20, 2013

    extreme procrastinator husband.

    Nothing, and I mean nothing an be done right now. No matter what. like a form of OCD. can you take out the garbage? "In a minute". even if nothing is happening. then he'll go outside to smoke, come back in, I'll mention it again, he blows up at me. Every day I hear " I was...
    amydextrous1 amydextrous1
    46-50, F
    4 Responses Apr 3, 2015

    I have been with my boyfriend

    for almost 10 years. We got together at a young age, and I have always wanted to be more financially stable, and have majority, if not all of my schooling done before we got married. We have talked about it for years, as if we would eventually get married. I was always very...
    cheetachicklet cheetachicklet
    Apr 8, 2014
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