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I Am Married to a Woman With Borderline Personality Disorder

For men who struggle with and cherish their women with BPD 189 People

    My question is: For those

    who have BPD, are aware of it, seek treatment, and are willing to talk honestly about it ... How on earth did that happen? My wife (the BP) and I have been married nearly 19 years and have three beautiful children. The first 15 were a roller coaster ride, varying dramatically...
    vanillavodka vanillavodka 41-45, M 3 Responses Jan 20

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    What Do You Do If Your Spouse Cheats?

    I wanted to try to fix my marriage and I know my wife has a terrible disease. I read a lot about this disease I watch videos. I see that people with this issue do things they shouldnt and it really hurts their partners or spouses. I dont know how to handle the cheating part. I...
    cutie7710 cutie7710 36-40, F 6 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    I left my wife in August

    and immediatly went to speak to a lawyer to file for divorce. I'm still not divorced. She and I have signed papers twice all ready, and we will have to do it again. The first set of paperwork was because of bumbling and the second set was because of bureaucratic nonsense. I...
    VeloAficionado VeloAficionado 26-30, M Apr 10

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    The fragility of a BPD woman can also plug into

    a man’s hero complex. Her constant need for reassurance and support can exaggerate an insecure person’s sense of importance. In fact, it’s not uncommon for narcissistic men to gravitate to BPD women, because each disorder serves the other, says Freed.The borderline patient...
    nikeboy488 nikeboy488 26-30, M 3 Responses Jan 15

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    I left my wife in August

    and immediatly went to speak to a lawyer to file for divorce. I'm still not divorced. She and I have signed papers twice all ready, and we will have to do it again. The first set of paperwork was because of bumbling and the second set was because of bureaucratic nonsense. I...
    VeloAficionado VeloAficionado 26-30, M 3 Responses Apr 10

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    Newly Married To BPD

    Hi all and please excuse my English , it's not my first languge . I get married last January and discover that my wife have BPD ..I have no good reason to trust her actions, she have no problems in building any crazy theory and completely believe it and then act on it . For...
    george86 george86 26-30 6 Responses Jul 26, 2013

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    I Thought I Was Alone

    HelloI was blind to the illness that my wife had, hoping that she would get better, they were taking her off her meds and everything, she THOUGHT she was getting better, but that couldn't haven't been further from the truth. our arguments started to escalate and finally i had had...
    reacto reacto 36-40, M 1 Response Sep 26, 2013

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    About To Give Up

    I have finally plucked up the courage to open up about what has been happening in my marriage so here goes… From the beginning my wife seemed addicted to drama. Anyone who criticizes is “going off at her”. Any horn that beeps in the street or overheard comment of a...
    breakingeggshells breakingeggshells 26-30, M 14 Responses Oct 3, 2012

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    Two Years Wasted, But A Lifetime Ahead Of Me

    I headed back up north three years ago to a world that I had left only months earlier, but it seemed so different. I was completely lost at the time. Between my failed business and my partner now overseas, I started over, though I had no idea what I was doing. Feeling a...
    VeloAficionado VeloAficionado 26-30, M Aug 26, 2013

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    Wife With Borderline Personality

    I have to sneak to write this. I belong to an online support group where everyone else does the same. I think I am finally ready to at least see an attorney. My wife has terrible moods swings, can get mad about anything and will not tolerate an negative emotion from anyone. the...
    OmyTVC15 OmyTVC15 51-55, M 19 Responses Jan 1, 2012

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    Inside Their Mind

      A helpful video but it doesnt help in knowing what it feels like to live with a BPD patient constantly. My wife is going to thrapy finally after 6 years of our marriage. She is better than before already, and the medicine is helping. There have been times she drove me so...
    HelleblueStick HelleblueStick 36-40, M 3 Responses Oct 5, 2010

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    At my end but hard to leave.

    Married 2 years, together 6. I saw the BPD before the marriage but thought we could work through it. Thought I wasn't trying hard enough. It's hard knowing someone that seems to love you more than you've ever known love but in the same moment make me wish I were on a deserted...
    constantRevelation constantRevelation 31-35, F 7 Responses Mar 11

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    No I haven't married a women with bpd.

    I am writing to defend people who have bpd. I think it's grossly unfair how people on this site have written about people with bpd. We are not a diagnoses, we are real people with feelings. I do not like the negativity in the posts. People with bpd can have happy for-filling...
    Gothicbabe Gothicbabe 26-30, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    My brother married a narcissist bpd alcoholic

    that has actually set him on fire. These women can be dangerous too. I won't speak for him but can tell you I like commiserating with him because his devil voodoo queen is so much worse than mine. My wife is high functioning classic bpd from sexual trauma at a young age, death...
    sesesh sesesh 31-35 3 Responses Jun 13

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    It's critical to understand

    that both narcissistic and borderline personality disordered individuals incurred similar types of wounds to their developing sense of Self, and isn't it simply natural to be drawn to someone with whom you have things in common, or who echoes personality aspects in yourself...
    nikeboy488 nikeboy488 26-30, M 1 Response Jan 14

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    And yet I stay because she's young

    and I love her. I'm older than she is, and while she says things to me like "Kill yourself/do it in front of me so I can see it!" and my eardrums have almost burst from the sheer pitch and intensity of the screeching when she's angry, I know where it all comes from. While she...
    DrFlamecane DrFlamecane 36-40, M 5 Responses Jan 19

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    Friends And Counselors Of No Help

    Counselors and BPD: How badly they mishandled it or missed it:   I've had to struggle with my wife's issues for years. A counselor recommended that she be tested for BPD- since she fits the profile. She refuses- because she says there is nothing wrong with her. But her extremely...
    airshow1 airshow1 51-55 8 Responses Mar 2, 2012

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    I Have Been Married To A Borderline For 24 Years.

    I have been married to a woman with BPD for 24 years. I joke its the best five years of my life. Don't get me wrong, there have been many good times in our years together, but they haven't been easy. I had never even heard of BPD until she was diagnosed with it in 2007 after...
    Slartibart Slartibart 46-50, M 3 Responses Jul 22, 2013

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    I just love how some of you people

    who are BPD wives want to come here for sympathy and help with your issue. I'll get to my story sometime later, but first I want to talk about the abuse that you people put us through. You want us to care and be loving, etc. From the post I read from you people, I think you...
    Poloist71 Poloist71 41-45, M 4 Responses Jan 8

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    Hi everyone, That's my first post here.

    I'm writing because I'm really desperate, and need some help. I've come a long way till I discovered what is BPD. I'm 41 years old. My wife and I are together for 20 years now. We have a beautiful 12 year boy, my greatest pride in life. When I first met my wife, she was a sweet...
    RodW RodW 41-45, M 12 Responses Jan 9

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    Walking On Egg Shells

    We've been married 10 years, and together for 19 years. In the first few months we were together everything was perfect as it usually is with new couples. In the next few years I was surprised at how easy it was for her to complain rather loudly about things I did that annoyed...
    Nickelman Nickelman 46-50, M 10 Responses Jul 11, 2013

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    The Other Side

    I am not a guy in love with a BPD women. I AM that women.  I am so very sorry all of you guys suffer because of us. I also commend and acknowledge your love and commitment to your wives/gf. I am so very much aware of what it takes to live AND be with us. We will eat you alive...
    alwaystwisted alwaystwisted 46-50 11 Responses Apr 23, 2012

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    I Was Feeling Like Forced Into A Plastic Pedophiliac Relationship

    Hello, I had a BPD girl friend for about one year, she was a "high functioning" adult women and when having sex (*1) with her, I felt like being drawn against my will in some sort of ped0philia sexuality on the top of the dummy thing (*1) so it seems that having sex with a...
    plasticRelationship plasticRelationship 41-45, M 4 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Got Hacked!!!

    So I got a text from my wife last night that she found out that I had sex with another person. It was a bit hurtful cause we are separated and I was very drunk which led a really bad mistake. My wife cheating on me before while we are married and so I felt for one she shouldn't...
    cutie7710 cutie7710 36-40, F 4 Responses Oct 27, 2013

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    Please Help Yourself First

    I wrote a story on hear nearly a year ago. It is so similar to everyone else's. lying, debt, rages, manipulation, the list goes on and on. I had just decided to get a divorce. I simply could not and would not participate in that world any longer. It was truly a nightmare. I was...
    pantherfan9625 pantherfan9625 31-35, M 6 Responses Jul 27, 2013

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    Married To A BPD Wife! Any Success Stories?

    17 years of marriage, 4children and she attempted suicide. I put up with lots and realized that's not ok. I called 911 after. Are there any success stories? I love her but hate feeling she does not know what love is! The reason it took so long to stand my ground is a combination...
    RyanKM RyanKM 36-40, M 8 Responses May 20, 2013

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    My Story Of BPD My Wife Has It...

    Well my story is I meet my now wife in 2003 and My friends told me I was instantly in love but I was stubborn and wanted to be friends. I had a bad breakup before and just wanted to be free. We started dating and we went through normal stages in life, we got married, we had a...
    cutie7710 cutie7710 36-40, F 2 Responses Aug 23, 2013

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    I will start by saying

    that my wife does not have a BPD diagnosis... However, I have suspected for a long time that she has this disorder. I am told that it is just me, that it is "all in my head" and that I am crazy... That in mind, I would like to share some experiences and get honest feedback from...
    joeswink joeswink 31-35, M 8 Responses Dec 11, 2013

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    An Open Letter To Stbx

    One of my favorite movies is the big sleep with humphrey bogart. There is a great scene at the end of the movie where bogart is being held captive by Eddie Mars and Eddie's wife comes in and Bogie tells her "you think you husband is just a gambler don;t you" and she says yes...
    OmyTVC15 OmyTVC15 51-55, M 2 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    Borderline Personality Disorder Series~part 1 Or 3,4 Maybe 5

    Growing up with a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder           If you are a parent with borderline personality disorder or any other type of mental illness, do not run away and I hope you don’t take this personally or become defensive...
    ClinicallyClueless ClinicallyClueless 41-45, F 3 Responses Jul 26, 2008

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    Been separated from my wife

    for almost 16 months now. I sporadically hear from her, usually near the holidays, the last time a few weeks before Christmas. She texts and leaves voice mails asking if I have done "anything", meaning filing for divorce. Why doesn't she do this herself? And she can never use...
    cockfrot cockfrot 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 1

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    Wifes/Significant Others With BPD On This Site.

    My wife is Borderline and I came here to check for new coping skills. Reading through the stories and/or replies, I see wifes/significant others posting here. GO AWAY!!!! Borderlines cannot stand it if something else threatens their domain. I feel they are on here trying to...
    fireman6 fireman6 41-45, M 6 Responses Jul 20, 2013

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    The Worst Has Passed, And I Am No Longer In Love.

    I don't know if my wife was full fledged BPD, but I do know that after eight years of being tortured it was the only answer that fit every criteria. Once I finally stood up for myself, it was a hellacious couple of years. The marriage almost fell apart several times. Honestly...
    ShellOfAMan ShellOfAMan 31-35 15 Responses Jan 3, 2013

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    Update: I Live In A Town Full Of Incompetents

    So as an update to my situation, two months I left my ubstable, borderline wife, filed for divorce, and moved into a new place. I find out yesterday that my petition for divorce never was filed properly. Considering her relationship to some people within the courts, I can't...
    VeloAficionado VeloAficionado 26-30, M 2 Responses Sep 18, 2013

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    A Bpd Epiphany

    My wife of almost 11 years has proven most of those years to be manipulative, hostile, sexless and demeaning. She can also be incredibly nice but it usually has a price. She uses her pocetbook to impress me and doesn't realize I'm not impressed with gits. A recent reply...
    deguarddog deguarddog 51-55, M 22 Responses Mar 23, 2009

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    Why Did I Stay So Long?

    Alright, so I very dutifully say that I staid for all those years because of my kids. And deep inside I know that's a big big thing... I really couldn't see myself missing any part of my kids lives or maybe more likely I couldn't live with myself if somehow I lost my right to be...
    yomismo51 yomismo51 56-60 6 Responses Jun 26, 2011

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    I was married for 15 years

    until I decided to separate from my wife. I ask myself why it took so long, but upon reflection, I did love her. So I have torn apart my family unit, (which includes my 2 beautiful daughters) and live a lonely existence where everyday I question whether or not I have done the...
    catsfan1972 catsfan1972 41-45, M 5 Responses Dec 29, 2013

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    Things I Have Had To Deal With

    For those who do not know what it is like to live with someone with a borderline personality. Here is a small list of the things I could never do in front of my soon to be ex. Touch her on the arm or shoulder to get her attention because that is considered tapping and she hates...
    OmyTVC15 OmyTVC15 51-55, M 16 Responses Sep 24, 2012

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    nelson222 nelson222 22-25, M 1 Response Nov 30, 2013

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    My Mother Was Narcissistic, My Now-separated Wife Is A Borderline

    I've been separated from my wife for two months. We were married for 10 years, during which I put up with some of the worst forms of verbal and emotional abuse any person could possibly endure. Seeing a counsellor during my separation has revealed that my mother was a narcissist...
    JasKay JasKay 36-40, M 7 Responses Aug 6, 2013

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    We Can Fix This

    That's what the text message read. It made me happy. I wanted so much for us to work together to fix the problems. Little did I know that the only problems were me. I came to discover that by saying "WE can fix this" she meant that we would both focus full-tilt on changing...
    BozoBuckets BozoBuckets 51-55, M 10 Responses Oct 27, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    Called the police last night. This day has been coming since 2 weeks after I married this "perfect" man. It started out with him getting "hung up" on little things. The sort of...
    DebC75 DebC75 36-40, F 4 Responses Jul 19

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    I am married to a man with BPD. I am absolutely exhausted. Is there any hope for a happy marriage or family? Will things ever get better? I am such a fighter and want so badly for...
    mbennett1984 mbennett1984 26-30, F 4 Responses Jul 19

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    I was a straight woman who fell in love with a lesbian BPD almost 2 years ago, deeply and madly in love. Last spring, she "needed space," announcing this days before an...
    Dim485 Dim485 51-55, F 4 days ago

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    This is my second post. I really like the idea that I can share what I'm going through with hundreds of others around the world. Anyway I live in Bentonville AR and I hate it here...
    Indigo29 Indigo29 26-30 Jul 3

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    I used to have a gf who would seek me out, ask me out then dump me like a week later-wash, rinse, repeat. Anyway, I found other signs of her having it besides what I just put above...
    ninathecat ninathecat 31-35 1 Response Jul 9

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    i dont know what to say im worn out and all i feel is pain im so depressed that i dont want o socialixw i cant even rember what i did a minute ago im so sick and fricken tired of...
    hannahabbie hannahabbie 46-50, F Jul 23

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    Hello, I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I am really freaking out about it. Since I was 18, I thought I had Bipolar disorder and now I am 25 and they...
    LostAriel LostAriel 22-25, F 5 Responses Jul 14

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    hello , I been in a relation with woman has borderline personality disorder .. It ended in the most painful way to me , I can't get over it , she just abandoned me gradually until...
    xthedreamerx xthedreamerx 41-45, M 4 Responses Jul 16

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    After being diagnosed with what seems like everything I was finally diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It had taken a long time to get my meds right and to find a...
    skatinem13 skatinem13 26-30, F Jul 1

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    What a difference a day makes. Today I got my diagnosis This morning my knowledge about borderline was somewhat limited. I have had friends who had borderline and those were very...
    Fireleaf1991 Fireleaf1991 22-25, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    Borderline ruins my life. I'm almost 15 and at least here in Sweden you have to be 18 to get diagnosed with Borderline. But I do have it. I'm sure. They even say I do and I'm...