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I Am Mentally Damaged Due To My Past

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,568 People

    What Therapists Don't Tell You...

    ...I remember shopping in a used bookstore. Their self-help book section had a placard that said "All better now? Sell us your used self-help books!" I always believed I could be fixed if I worked hard. I always held out hope...someday I was going to put the shadows behind me. I...
    hylierandom hylierandom 41-45 8 Responses Sep 21, 2013

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    Thursday, December 26th 2013.

    My third evaluation and papers from the doctor. I am officially and certifiably nuts. Diagnosis changes and additions, new therapies and medication on it's way, in between another rather complicated surgery I was elected for the very next day. So to all those people who were...
    Dantescircle Dantescircle 36-40, M 6 Responses Dec 28, 2013

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    RagnarLodbrok RagnarLodbrok 41-45, M 1 Response Sep 10, 2014

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    Family Portrait.....

    I guess you could say that most of my problems began before I was even born. My mom was 22 when she got pregnant with me, and my dad was 25. Both young, immature, and clueless! My dad left the day my mom told him she was pregnant, but she didnt let that bother her. During her...
    Blackbarbie1987 Blackbarbie1987 26-30, F 18 Responses Aug 7, 2011

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    "You rock." The psychologist said

    when I walked into the room at the student health centee and sat down. I looked at him like he was crazy. "You rock yourself back and forth." He clarified. "It's a coping mechanism and classic sign of past trauma." I had never before noticed that I rocked myself. "Also...
    TenThousandSorrows TenThousandSorrows 22-25, F 4 Responses Dec 12, 2014

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    I'm not mentally damaged,

    I just can't trust people because of my past and what others have done to me.. :/
    Cheesyboy Cheesyboy 18-21, M 3 Responses Dec 20, 2013

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                                  i wrote the girls name that i love but she never loves me
    abd133 abd133 18-21, M 1 Response May 27

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    My childhood was a nightmare.

    I was the subject of my mothers evil ways. I took her abuse daily then the abuse of her " boy toys". I was put down, blamed for everything that went wrong her in life and emotionally beating. I lived in and out of foster care until I was taking away by my grandparents after I...
    lover4life33 lover4life33 31-35, F 3 Responses Mar 9, 2014

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    Hello. Are you listening to me?

    Are you talking to me? Are you trying to give me a lesson? Just give me a sign.. I feel silly talking to myself in my head, and crazy when I hear/feel answers.  I feel like I’m going crazy, or have been traumatized and I am interpreting things wrong.  I’ve had my in’s...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Mar 29, 2014

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    What is the point of me living

    if I am just going to die anyways honestly if I died I would just be forgotten anyways everyone would be fine and eventually forget about me anyways I've only been hurt my whole life and it will Never end so there is no point
    BrokenAngelx BrokenAngelx 18-21, F 15 Responses Feb 14, 2014

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    Sometimes when I'm out doing random things with

    my friends, I get random flashbacks of my past. I either almost faint or cry. I end up feeling ill and numb for the rest of the day. It's terrible
    neptunegurl neptunegurl 13-15, F 4 Responses Jun 27, 2014

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    I've been through so much.

    I'm such a good person but I always hook up with the wrong type of people. Once they get to know me they me they find a weakness and use me. Or try to..the antics they use. That's why I try not to give my all in friendships and relationships. I am not the same person I was...
    SentimentalMood SentimentalMood 36-40, F 4 Responses Jul 17, 2014

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    You can be done with the past,

    but the past chooses when to be done with you.
    anonymousdrummer anonymousdrummer 16-17, M Apr 22

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    Let me rephrase... I am not damaged.

    I have some little scars in my mind from the past, but I do not let it rule my life. I let it go and move forward with life. I become a better human being every day because I learn from the past and don't let it come between living a full and happy life.
    MissyMo MissyMo 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 19, 2014

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    howard1945 howard1945 56-60, M 1 Response Dec 19, 2014

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    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

    THIS IS INSANE INSANE INSANE AND INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND SINCE THIS IS ALREADY INSANE, I'D PUSH IT TO THE HIGHEST LEVEL.
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Nov 14, 2013

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    My entire life, I was always told to shut up

    so all throughout my school days, I was awkwardly mute. Because I was so used to being shushed, I just became caught up in my thoughts because all I could do was think. Nobody wanted to hear what a child had to say. I think this is how I began to write poetry and lyrics. I began...
    VincenteLime VincenteLime 18-21 Jul 10

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    PTSD, anxiety, trust issues etc.

    not fun but we can't change the past right?? It's part of who I am now. Some people can't accept who it's made me, even the ones who caused it. But I am me. :)
    kaye23e kaye23e 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 8, 2014

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    I was a very happy child growing up

    and that all changed the day that I went to high school. I was not rich I did not dress well I had bad hygiene therefore People insulted me. I moved to another school a continuation school and I was bullied like you can not Imagine I would count the days in a calendar for the...
    Jennabybel Jennabybel 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 5

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    My Past Is My Scars........

    As strange as this mood is, I am at peace with who I am & why I am the way I am. I have tried changing, tried losing weight to make myself more 'attractive'. I've tried to bury the fears, & work through the ghosts of my past. I have spent the last 10 yrs doing all that I...
    WynterAngel WynterAngel 36-40 32 Responses Nov 29, 2009

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    I have been in many mental hospitals,

    due to my alcoholic mother sending me to them... I've felt insane, and unloved and unwanted. I matured to be bitter and closed.. I don't have any true friends in my life, I only have one or two that knows what has happened but none of which I speak to. I grew up with so much...
    asdfnx asdfnx 18-21, F 4 Responses Oct 13, 2014

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    My parents are alcoholics.

    They were horribly abused in their childhoods. They abused me. It took me a long time to allow myself to feel the feelings surrounding my family or origin. I always made excuses for them. Until finally a therapist showed it was okay to be angry and grieve my childhood. I...
    jkester2014outlookcom jkester2014outlookcom 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 10, 2014

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    I am becoming ill again.

    It has been going on for some time. The paranoia is getting out of hand and the depression is getting a grip. If it was not for my sons I would gladly be dead as I feel utterly worthless. I don't know what to do as I live in a small community where there is not much support from...
    Eggyegg Eggyegg 46-50, F 2 Responses Oct 24, 2014

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    It Came Crashing Back Today

    A man met a women They fell in love She already had a son and a divorce under her belt But he didn't mind He loved her More than anything She loved him He loved her son Cherished him Then they had a daughter Daddy's little girl She slowly stopped loving him He slowly drifted...
    Reneetodd Reneetodd 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 30, 2013

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    I'm So Damaged....

    I have no idea who I am anymore. I loved a guy to the extent of killing who I am for him. All this was for the day he left me for another woman. I have lost who I was and I cant seem to find myself. I grew so dependent on him,he was my strength and my only happiness. The day he...
    confusdsoul12345 confusdsoul12345 18-21, F 36 Responses Dec 13, 2010

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    Unchecking this with the realization the past

    is over and I am no longer being damaged therefore any invisible scars can be conciously erased by the master of my brain-me. I hope this helps the people here. No excuses. You are the choices you make TODAY not your past, unless you make that choice.
    syntheticrhyme syntheticrhyme 46-50, F 2 Responses Feb 22

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    I used to be in love.

    Deeply madly in love. I used to sleep with his sweatshirt as a pillow just so I can breathe him in. He would cross my mind non stop. I was whole with him. One day it just ended right before my eyes. I cried myself to sleep for months. I still do sometimes over a year later. I...
    rebeccab2 rebeccab2 16-17, F 2 Responses Jun 11, 2014

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    A True Product Of My Environment

    So I certainly dont want to turn this into a pity session. There was a time in my life when I felt sorry for myself & used my childhood as an excuse for my reckless behavior. However, there are times when certain stories, memories, even songs will trigger the onset of a near...
    dublingal5 dublingal5 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 7, 2013

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    I guess to understand the full depth of my

    story, it's best to start at the very beginning It all started when I turned 7. Up until that age, I has a great family. My mom and dad were still together, we had a nice house, in a great suburban neighborhoods, my dad has a good job and my 2 brothers and I were doing great...
    heartsofgold22 heartsofgold22 26-30, F 2 Responses Mar 29, 2014

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    I think it's sad that I'm on this site posting

    things about my past, because everyone expects me to be the "strong one". So on other sites. If I say anything really crazy and sad. They'll think different. I am a strong person and I know for a fact I am. I have been through a lot. I am emotionally scarred, and I've seen many...
    alice214 alice214 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 8, 2014

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    I was taken for granted I was the one

    who lead the big social circle of my classmates back in 7th grade, but then two girls were fighting over a boy, it makes all the classmates turned their back to one girl, i was never taking any side, now then the gang splits into two groups, which is like enemy to each other...
    LilyGlass LilyGlass 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 27, 2014

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    Everyone has their own special damage.

    You know, the thing that creates them? Such a little thing, can create such a devastating affect on a person, especially at a younger age. When your younger, you have such little memory at the time. You have no other choice but to focus on your past which was easily 3-5 years...
    Tman456789 Tman456789 16-17, M Dec 18, 2013

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    I'm crazy its hereditary

    but I have a lot of emotional scarring. I'm mostly superglue and duct-tape at this point.
    Alylovespuppies Alylovespuppies 18-21, F 2 Responses Aug 28, 2014

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    This is only a small amount of the abuse

    that has happened in my childhood. It happened by many people for a long time. But this is what I need to talk about right now. I have a very large amount of stuff to talk about. I just got out of therapy and I'm just shaking like a leaf right now. It was a very difficult...
    ChantelSurvived ChantelSurvived 22-25, F 4 Responses Mar 24

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    Probably a slightly different story from the

    usual. I come from a family obsessed with image and showing that they are better than others pretty much. It is something that has given me trust issues because of all the hypocrisy I've witnessed since young. But thats not the point, i suffer from social anxiety, low self...
    Jothic Jothic 22-25, M May 25

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    Because of my dad I don't think I will ever be

    normal, brave or independent. I was beaten and raped by him many times when lived there. Even though it only been 8 months since I moved in with my mom I don't think I will ever gett better. I have nightmares every night about him attacking me and most of them are very realistic...
    misaka12 misaka12 13-15, F 2 Responses Dec 29, 2013

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    positive, be positive.

    . that's all I I seem to hear... if it was that easy I think EP wouldnt have as many users
    willazrael willazrael 18-21, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    He slips into my room at night,

    and climbs up to my bed. He acts like what he's doing is right, and I'm his only little toy. He touches me in places I dare not speak of, and each time he penetrates me all I wanna do is yelp. He grasps around my youthful neck and soon I can hardly breathe, if only someone would...
    boundbycuffs0613 boundbycuffs0613 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 13, 2014

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    My Zopiclone Overdose

    I wanted to share with you my experience of zopiclone overdose which happened almost 10 months ago. I had drunk alot of vodka prior to taking 65 7.5mg tablets of zopiclone. I counted them out then shoved handfuls in my mouth. It took about 15 minutes till they really kicked in...
    melancolique melancolique 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 30, 2012

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    I was talking to someone

    and she said that I might have intimacy issues because I won't let a guy make me ******... this has been going on for a while.. I'm the kind of girl that when I have sex I feel like I have to focus on the guy and have him do nothing to me.. I am now 20 and damaged..when I have...
    Moniquefra Moniquefra 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 14

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    I hate hate hate hate myself.

    Ive been treated so badly in the past by my partners that im just expecting my current to do it too :/ my heart tells me that he wont but my head tells me "everyone else has done it what makes him different"... My head just wont listen to my heart and let me move on :/. Im...
    DrDeathDefying DrDeathDefying 18-21, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    VincenteLime VincenteLime 18-21 Jul 10

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    Here I Sit-in My Box

    so, here i sit- in my box on the verge of blacking out. a boy riddled as a father whittles a 'gentleman' from the devils mouth. intoxicated aggression unhealthy obsession teaches the boy a mans clout. a young man with the world at command hot tempered, indeed a devils disease...
    JAsEBASTIAN JAsEBASTIAN 31-35 7 Responses Jan 12, 2013

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    Stopped meds and now feeling like I should go

    back onto them. I feel like I will never get better. I am so scared. It is not normal to feel this terrible all the time. How will I ever get a career if I can't even get the energy to do anything else other than lie down and cry. This is not fair..
    kbeary kbeary 18-21, F 4 Responses Jul 19, 2014

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    ***I had no idea where to post this

    so I threw it here*** Ppl I talk to one on one, face to face or through social media, I can spill my guts about events. They have no emotions attached to them for me. But what I rarely share is my emotions. If you get my emotions. Then you know I'm letting you in close. Like...
    BeautifullySickkk BeautifullySickkk 31-35, F 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    I was sitting down and thinking about the

    source of my unhappiness, anger, social timidness, passive aggression, and dismissive attitude towards other people, depression. naturally i am very defensive, but i haven't learned to take that energy to a good place. Instead i direct it towards others to protect myself from...
    AliKru AliKru 18-21, F