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I Am Mentally Damaged Due To My Past

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,091 People

    There are many sayings about your future being

    whatever you want it to be. However, how does one get past a messed up childhood? I am having a hard time forgiving!
    AmethystMoon77 AmethystMoon77 36-40, F 1 Response Mar 11

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    When You Are Grateful The Abuse Happened To You

    Hi, ok this is different to be able to share sories and maybe give anyone some hope or see the light at the end of a long dark tunnel. I am 33yrs old. my first memories before 5, are of violence between my father horribly beating my mother. My mother yelling and hitting me. And...
    Jaclarke Jaclarke 31-35, F 7 Responses Apr 14, 2012

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    Hello. Are you listening to me?

    Are you talking to me? Are you trying to give me a lesson? Just give me a sign.. I feel silly talking to myself in my head, and crazy when I hear/feel answers.  I feel like I’m going crazy, or have been traumatized and I am interpreting things wrong.  I’ve had my in’s...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Mar 29

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    He slips into my room at night,

    and climbs up to my bed. He acts like what he's doing is right, and I'm his only little toy. He touches me in places I dare not speak of, and each time he penetrates me all I wanna do is yelp. He grasps around my youthful neck and soon I can hardly breathe, if only someone would...
    boundbycuffs0613 boundbycuffs0613 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 13

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    It Makes You Stronger At The End..

    When I was 11 years old I remember my mom and step dad had been going through this horrible break up.Those were the worst years of my life...Everyday was a living hell the constant arguing,screaming and this terrible feeling I would feel at the pit of my stomach."Why was it...
    BattyBites BattyBites 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 14, 2011

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    So many bad things have happened to me the last

    few years that I have self image problems, I battle depression, and I feel like if people find out about my past they will judge me or leave...people always leave
    madydaniels madydaniels 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 30

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    What is the point of me living

    if I am just going to die anyways honestly if I died I would just be forgotten anyways everyone would be fine and eventually forget about me anyways I've only been hurt my whole life and it will Never end so there is no point
    BrokenAngelx BrokenAngelx 18-21, F 16 Responses Feb 14

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    I no longer have any self esteem

    and have become withdrawn due to the bad treatment by others.
    DailyEdition DailyEdition 46-50, F 1 Response Jan 18

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    My Zopiclone Overdose

    I wanted to share with you my experience of zopiclone overdose which happened almost 10 months ago. I had drunk alot of vodka prior to taking 65 7.5mg tablets of zopiclone. I counted them out then shoved handfuls in my mouth. It took about 15 minutes till they really kicked in...
    melancolique melancolique 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 30, 2012

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    I guess to understand the full depth of my

    story, it's best to start at the very beginning It all started when I turned 7. Up until that age, I has a great family. My mom and dad were still together, we had a nice house, in a great suburban neighborhoods, my dad has a good job and my 2 brothers and I were doing great...
    heartsofgold22 heartsofgold22 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 29

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    Major Depressive Disorder

    I have been very very depressed for a very long time and I've taken tests on psychiatric sites that always give me the same result "Major Depressive Disorder". I have not been diagnosed by a physician as of yet, but I have no reason to doubt it either because I have every single...
    Idealizer Idealizer 16-17, F 5 Responses Dec 27, 2012

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    I tried to be myself.

    I got bullied endlessly. Rather than go on and say my life, let's all just agree that life isn't the same when you're older than it was when you were younger.
    jaycampos5423 jaycampos5423 16-17, M Feb 10

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    Yeah, i had something horrible happen.

    ..and it's crazy to say it was nearly 5 years ago. I can't believe that much time has gone by. The world has moved on, while i've just wasted away. I'm ready for some real change.
    08pbls 08pbls 26-30, F 2 Responses Mar 19

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    Last year i was overthinking about everything.

    I was fighting with depression at the same time. Hurts.
    lindemannobsession lindemannobsession 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 21

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    I itch my self sometimes it well get

    so bad that it bleeds i hate doing it but I can't stop
    funnygirl32226 funnygirl32226 13-15, F Feb 22

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    A True Product Of My Environment

    So I certainly dont want to turn this into a pity session. There was a time in my life when I felt sorry for myself & used my childhood as an excuse for my reckless behavior. However, there are times when certain stories, memories, even songs will trigger the onset of a near...
    dublingal5 dublingal5 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 7, 2013

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    Everyone has their own special damage.

    You know, the thing that creates them? Such a little thing, can create such a devastating affect on a person, especially at a younger age. When your younger, you have such little memory at the time. You have no other choice but to focus on your past which was easily 3-5 years...
    Tman456789 Tman456789 16-17, M Dec 18, 2013

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    Lost, Broken, Molested, And In Need Of Guidence.

                  My whole life story is just pathetic, in my opinion it was never my fault and I was always the victim. I really need some advice and in need of friends. I just want someone to finally tell me that their proud, that they love me. It seems whenever I got...
    LoneWolf101 LoneWolf101 18-21, F 7 Responses Jan 10, 2012

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    Life Has Made Me A Bitter Person

    throughout my life, it has been one form of conflict to the next, and at some point, i just stopped caring all together now i can't seem to give a damn about anyone or anything, im like the walking dead, just unable to be fased or surprised by anything, regret or shame, pity or...
    randomact100 randomact100 16-17, M 3 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    I stand true.. I stand tall.

    .. The things that have happened made me strong and more beautiful. I was not a victim of my past but a warrior fighting for my future....
    jojo777333 jojo777333 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 21

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    It Came Crashing Back Today

    A man met a women They fell in love She already had a son and a divorce under her belt But he didn't mind He loved her More than anything She loved him He loved her son Cherished him Then they had a daughter Daddy's little girl She slowly stopped loving him He slowly drifted...
    Reneetodd Reneetodd 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 30, 2013

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    I survived depression

    and self harm :) anyone else?
    emilyaddalung emilyaddalung 13-15, F 3 Responses Feb 1

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    When I was in fourth grade my dad was involved

    in the Virginia Tech shootings. Luckily he survived but a fellow professor, who's room was directly next to his own, was shot and killed. The man had two daughters in elementary school.
    Knyx Knyx 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 5

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    I'm not that far into my life

    but more has happened than I like to think about. I let what a pour excuse for a man take advantage of me for months. The only way I got away was from him throwing me down two flights if steps. I lost trust in people and in men in general for a long time
    Cortney1016 Cortney1016 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 14

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    PTSD, anxiety, trust issues etc.

    not fun but we can't change the past right?? It's part of who I am now. Some people can't accept who it's made me, even the ones who caused it. But I am me. :)
    kaye23e kaye23e 22-25, F 2 Responses Mar 8

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    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

    THIS IS INSANE INSANE INSANE AND INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND SINCE THIS IS ALREADY INSANE, I'D PUSH IT TO THE HIGHEST LEVEL.
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Nov 14, 2013

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    My childhood was a nightmare.

    I was the subject of my mothers evil ways. I took her abuse daily then the abuse of her " boy toys". I was put down, blamed for everything that went wrong her in life and emotionally beating. I lived in and out of foster care until I was taking away by my grandparents after I...
    lover4life33 lover4life33 31-35, F 2 Responses Mar 9

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    Because of my dad I don't think I will ever be

    normal, brave or independent. I was beaten and raped by him many times when lived there. Even though it only been 8 months since I moved in with my mom I don't think I will ever gett better. I have nightmares every night about him attacking me and most of them are very realistic...
    misaka12 misaka12 13-15, F 3 Responses Dec 29, 2013

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    My Past Is My Scars........

    As strange as this mood is, I am at peace with who I am & why I am the way I am. I have tried changing, tried losing weight to make myself more 'attractive'. I've tried to bury the fears, & work through the ghosts of my past. I have spent the last 10 yrs doing all that I...
    WynterAngel WynterAngel 36-40 34 Responses Nov 29, 2009

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    I had panic attacks every hour of every day in

    elementary school. It will scare me for the rest of my life, but I do not regret them. Having them has made me strong, and more grateful for everything I have.
    VioletCarroll VioletCarroll 13-15, F 2 Responses Mar 8

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    I think it's sad that I'm on this site posting

    things about my past, because everyone expects me to be the "strong one". So on other sites. If I say anything really crazy and sad. They'll think different. I am a strong person and I know for a fact I am. I have been through a lot. I am emotionally scarred, and I've seen many...
    alice214 alice214 18-21, F Mar 8

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    Broken

    Funny enough that...My abuse was pedestrian. Sadly not exceptionally bad. Evil is banal.  It really is. Every so often the world throws up a Hitler, a Stalin. But there's a tinpot torturer behind many ordinary doors. I even had one sane parent...in denial, yeah, but sane. And I...
    hylierandom hylierandom 41-45 7 Responses Jun 12, 2011

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    Please for my health

    and safety. Don't use the word rape towards me.
    jessixoxo4 jessixoxo4 16-17, F Apr 3

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    Here I Sit-in My Box

    so, here i sit- in my box on the verge of blacking out. a boy riddled as a father whittles a 'gentleman' from the devils mouth. intoxicated aggression unhealthy obsession teaches the boy a mans clout. a young man with the world at command hot tempered, indeed a devils disease...
    JAsEBASTIAN JAsEBASTIAN 31-35 6 Responses Jan 12, 2013

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    My past has damaged my ability to believe in

    myself everyday I look at myself and think to myself I will never be good enough for anyone, whether it's a girl I like or a friend or even my own family members, a lot of the time I feel like such a burden, I am very shy and self conscious and feel the need to break the ice...
    LatinoJ LatinoJ 26-30, M 1 Response Jan 27

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    papasshortie papasshortie 18-21, F Mar 4

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    Everyday I cry. It's all

    because I used to do drugs a lot and my dad used to get really mad at me and talk to me for hours focusing on every little thing I did wrong in my life.. His said the rudest most meanest things to me.. That was like 1 year ago maybe? But they pop in my head all the time and I'm...
    ermirad ermirad 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 28

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    I have been diagnosed with PTSD

    because of multiple sexual assaults from the age of 16-20 all the result of drinking with people who left me when I blacked out.
    kreativebelle kreativebelle 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 30

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    Thursday, December 26th 2013.

    My third evaluation and papers from the doctor. I am officially and certifiably nuts. Diagnosis changes and additions, new therapies and medication on it's way, in between another rather complicated surgery I was elected for the very next day. So to all those people who were...
    Dantescircle Dantescircle 36-40, M 4 Responses Dec 28, 2013

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    I'm not mentally damaged,

    I just can't trust people because of my past and what others have done to me.. :/
    Cheesyboy Cheesyboy 18-21, M 4 Responses Dec 20, 2013

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    I'm So Damaged....

    I have no idea who I am anymore. I loved a guy to the extent of killing who I am for him. All this was for the day he left me for another woman. I have lost who I was and I cant seem to find myself. I grew so dependent on him,he was my strength and my only happiness. The day he...
    confusdsoul12345 confusdsoul12345 18-21, F 38 Responses Dec 13, 2010

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    The past 2 hours my new neighbour has been

    venting every 10-20 minutes, on his 17 year old daughter. It's nearing midnight and none of the neighbours have rang the cops yet. It sounds like verbal/emotional abuse, doors/objects have made loud noises but it doesn't sound like it will lead to physical violence. Bottom line...
    lonewolfgemini lonewolfgemini 26-30, M 1 Response Dec 8, 2013

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    What Therapists Don't Tell You...

    ...I remember shopping in a used bookstore. Their self-help book section had a placard that said "All better now? Sell us your used self-help books!" I always believed I could be fixed if I worked hard. I always held out hope...someday I was going to put the shadows behind me. I...
    hylierandom hylierandom 41-45 9 Responses Sep 21, 2013

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    Abuse

    He was my fathers friend. I trusted him. i was only 3 when it started, and my dad killed himself after finding out. I now have severe depression and post tramatic stress disorder. i cant sleep and i cant eat
    TayGirl TayGirl 16-17, F 7 Responses May 13, 2012

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    I had been bullied before in my life to a point

    where I wanted to commit suicide along side with being young and having other problems to deal with... I'm now living my life almost stuck in this box where I feel to scared to do anything and living with this fear just built inside of me...
    ForeverLife ForeverLife 13-15, F 6 Responses Jan 28

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    My Two Cents' Worth

      I am mentally damaged due to my past, as well as other contributing factors. I have been taking a few weeks to assess myself and I have arrived at some pretty interesting conclusions that I would like to share here, so here they are:     I am a loving, valuable, person with...
    northguy northguy 46-50, M 2 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    Depression, life is a *****,

    when I lost my company and investments, it was like a large weight magically materialized and started dragging me downward into a endless abyss, and I just made my point, not to mention I've been drunk for the majority of this year.
    httpdeathawaits httpdeathawaits 22-25, M 1 Response Mar 9

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    Between be placed in foster care,

    being on welfare and employment insurance many times, friends always leaving me, facing discrimination because of my disability all contribute of me being mentally ill. I thought when I join EP I would meet support people to make me fell better. This did happen. However...
    ChillyWilly82 ChillyWilly82 31-35, M 3 Responses Dec 5, 2013

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    I was picked on in elementary school

    for being overweight. For three straight years I took those kids' crap. Now I have a severe social anxiety disorder. It really sucks.
    mongo275 mongo275 22-25, M Mar 30

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    Hey guys... I figured out how to feel better

    about myself, and be happier and I'd like to share it with you all. (I am aware this might all sound very hippie like...but I'm just trying to help others...) I have advice that might help .. I don't know if you're a spiritual person(meaning you find animals, humans...
    xxersabooxx xxersabooxx 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 29

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    How can you kill yourself

    when your already dead inside?
    skye1984red skye1984red 26-30, F 7 Responses Dec 19, 2013

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    Bullying That Just Won't Mentally Go Away

    As much as I try to move on, learn from experiences and grow stronger, it just doesn't seem to work.   I am suffering severe depression, because I allowed someone to hurt me.  My self respect was lost, my ego crushed and my world came tumbling down. Never thought it...
    ignored42long ignored42long 36-40, F 22 Responses Dec 14, 2009

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    Girls flirt with me but I don't pursue.

    In the end, I'm a reasonable and capable person. Whatever problems I do have, I'm aware they exist. But you can't simply say, "I'm coming through this position, please wait I'll I travel to over there". It's not easy for someone who just met me to understand. They can't see the...
    AtheistsForJesus AtheistsForJesus 22-25, M 2 Responses Jan 16

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    I have been abused, sexually,

    physically (5-13), I've abused drugs due to my mother dying (age 12) and being molested by my dad ( I abused alcohol, weed, pills until I was 14), I had children young (15&then at 18), got back into alcohol and pills (in between pregnancies), and dealing with depression and...
    KaiiSavage KaiiSavage 18-21, T 4 Responses Feb 9

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    Five Years Of Being Serverely Verbally Bullied And Harassed

    Hello, those of you who are reading this. My name is Samantha. I'm seventeen years old and a senior in high school. I'm going to share with you what my life's been like for the past 5 years. 6th Grade- This is where it all started. There were these four girls. I'm not going to...
    Blackbutterfly97 Blackbutterfly97 18-21 13 Responses Oct 6, 2010

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    People told me I'm worthless

    and I don't matter at all I'm always stuck doing the hose work And one day when I was younger my uncle was stick and when I walked in her screams yelled to get out because he didn't want an ugly ***** there and threw glass plates at me till I was gone. I'm unwanted and insecure...
    Frozensilence Frozensilence 16-17, F 4 Responses Dec 11, 2013

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