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I Am Not Okay

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 942 People

    My best friend tried to end his life last night.

    He lives in Texas and sent me a goodbye note via email. I tried to stop him by saying that if he did it, I would too but he didn't listen. He's now in hospital and hasn't woken up yet but he's going to be okay hopefully. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life.
    itscassi itscassi 13-15, F 4 Responses Apr 10

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    You're the person I wanna go to.

    But then you tell me you can't deal with serious things. I lie an say I am alright. I am not alright. You see through that but... How can I say those things you just judged are what I am thinking about... What if that very thing you didn't wanna talk about was what's bugging me...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 16-17, F 1 Response May 4

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    Actually, I'm worst than not ok.

    I would say depressed but that word is so overused. People use it to express their sadness. I thought I was depressed, because I thought about suicide all the time. My life sucks, worthless, lonely, that's always the common theme. For years, I've use my sadness as an excuse to...
    feint30 feint30 26-30, M 4 Responses Nov 16, 2014

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    I wasn't yesterday but I am today.

    Tomorrow might be rain and by Sunday raging fires. I'm all over the showroom selling you something to admire, take you for a test drive to deliver to another buyer. I am Not Okay; too much has gone wrong, I've started writing rhymes while humming my own song. I am...
    SoberingBabySteps SoberingBabySteps 31-35, M 1 Response Jul 7

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    This darkness is suffocating me.

    It’s killing me slowly and I feel it. I feel the numbness rush through my soul, the cracks tearing at my heart. It’s trapping me and I see no escape. I want this suffering to end, I don’t have patience to wait it out. It’ll kill me before I kill it. I want to breathe...
    BeingSara BeingSara 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 15

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    The weeks filled with doctors appointments

    and tests/treatments don't make me feel wasted and lazy but the days I sit around and remember I no longer attend college with the rest of my friends kills me. This week I will officially be a year behind my class to graduate from college, and it's killing me.
    gottakeepyourheadup gottakeepyourheadup 18-21, F 2 Responses May 5

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    bluegirlie98 bluegirlie98 16-17, F 4 Responses Nov 15, 2014

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    "Are you ok?" I hear this question at least

    once a day. Three little words, to which the obvious answer is "I'm fine", but I never am. There's no way to tell the people who call themselves my 'friends' how I really feel. I've become an expert at faking that I'm ok, when inside I'm hurting so bad.
    SevenWaysToFakeIt SevenWaysToFakeIt 13-15, F 2 Responses Apr 21, 2014

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    More and more health complications.

    New hospital and doctors appointments everyday. False hope, false solution, false sense of safety and stabilized health... Can I do this again tomorrow ?
    gottakeepyourheadup gottakeepyourheadup 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 10

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    Sometimes, being not okay is okay.

    We grow. We learn new things. Most importantly, being okay means we try to be OK and this means, we're getting stronger. I guess this life is just making me stronger. Maybe it'll keep making me strong until I'll be lifeless..
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Mar 24

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    My dads in the hospital.

    .. His heart is ****** up... I can't keep listening o the words "chest pains again..." My friends are broken and I can't help cause I am the same... My stomach aches cause the cuts that run deep... My mom yells and I can't take it... She's stressed I know.. I am scared they'll...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 16-17, F 1 Response Feb 20

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    I'd have to say I'm fantastic at pretending I'm

    ok :P all I need to do is add a few emoticons and keep up the conversation then they never know I'm upset. I think I should get an award.
    wedgieshurtalot wedgieshurtalot 16-17, F Jun 21

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    At one point or another.

    We must all face the monsters inside. And whether they do good or bad depends on the kind of person you are. Starve them and you'll never know, but feed them and you'll regret it. It's time I faced facts. I am not okay. I never will be. Let me explain why. For as long as I can...
    Darktooth41 Darktooth41 18-21, M 1 Response Jul 8

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    I hope that it doesn't matter I'm posting this

    so late at night. I need it to do this to calm down a bit, even though I'll talk about it "tomorrow" (today) with my psychotherapist. Some months ago, I had a pretty much traumatic experience with a jackass who unfortunately happened to buy the house next to mine. It's a family...
    somniatorlupus somniatorlupus 18-21, M 1 Response May 15

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    thickmadame25 thickmadame25 22-25, F Jun 15

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    ZuckerOaksPilgrim ZuckerOaksPilgrim 18-21, M 1 Response a week ago

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    I can't sleep.. I've barely been eating.

    . I feel like such a ******* failure to everyone.. ugh this is ******* great..
    WeighMeDown WeighMeDown 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 4

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    i want to feel accepted by my mum.

    .. I'm gay and she treats me like I'm a murder, a dealer or prostitute.
    jeruo jeruo 18-21, F Jul 21

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    Its pathetic how people think they can comment

    on your profile nasty things or target someone personally. EP is here to post experiences and/or ask for advice or help. Yet people are using it to target people and be nasty or harass the vulnerable. EP needs to change its rules
    HarrietAC HarrietAC 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 7, 2014

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    If somebody asks me "how are you?

    " or "Are you ok?" I WILL respond with "I'm fine!! How are you?" I will plaster that smile on my face and avoid talking about myself at all costs. But I'm lying. I'm not okay. I wonder if I have ever been okay. I am hurting inside and I don't even know what's wrong with me. I...
    ToBeAnOtaku101 ToBeAnOtaku101 16-17, F 2 Responses Oct 22, 2014

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    I'm getting the urge to self harm ): I last

    self harmed 7 months ago today
    TheDevilInTheMirror TheDevilInTheMirror 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 1, 2014

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    TURNS OUT MY BF was with 3 girls last night

    getting up to no good! Better than him! I'm better than this :)
    HarrietAC HarrietAC 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 29, 2014

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    miimii0069 miimii0069 26-30, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Why can't people love me back.

    ..? Do I just always fall for unaffectionet people or people that will never love me back... I feel like I am always in a one sided relationship with people that know exactly what I want but don't care about how I feel...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 16-17, F Mar 24

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    I'm bossed around all the time

    and I feel like crap. I understand how I can't express how I feel because what I feel is never important to anyone else but me. I keep everything to myself and it seems better that way.
    BecomingBrave BecomingBrave 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 17

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    Anxiety and stress are hugging me today.

    I need help. I don't even know where to begin.
    asinc5157 asinc5157 16-17 1 Response Jun 14

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    I hide in shame for what you did to me.

    These scares are from you. I didn't want them or the words that you yelled at me. We were best friends but what happened. Was it because of my lover or that you loved me. But I'm sorry that you left. But now that your back I don't think I can let you back. I hear what they say...
    kamikoshinok kamikoshinok 16-17, F Jun 15

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    I put on a smile everyday

    but no one can actually tell that I'm dying inside.
    LittleBeelzebub LittleBeelzebub 18-21, F 4 Responses Aug 5, 2014

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    I guess it's hard for me to say,

    but I'm not okay. I guess if I tell everyone that I'm okay, then I feel as if I am okay, but I'm not. I space out in the middle of people talking to me, questioning my own existence. I hug people just a little too long because it keeps me tied down on earth. I long to have...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Dec 23, 2013

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    I don't usually like making a big deal out of

    things. But I am seriously depressed..
    Thenamesjess Thenamesjess 16-17, F 6 Responses May 7

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    I hate being ignored.

    It hurts like eating broken glass! I'm so sick of trying to be friends with people who CLEARLY don't want to be. And everytime I give up on this guy I always get the urge to speak to him to try again. It never works. And he loves to play mind games by not replying to me, when I...
    Fierrrrce Fierrrrce 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 21

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    I am not okay. I haven't been okay.

    Everytime something good happens, something worse happens. I am not okay. My manic depression has been going crazy, and I can't even keep up with myself. I am not okay. I have never been okay
    RxpperGirl RxpperGirl 18-21, F Mar 24

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    if our living conditions reflect  our social

    status than  most are tame and dull furniture is designed to not be of a distraction & manufactured by the masses..... no of us are hardly unique 
    miimii0069 miimii0069 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I feel like I am being squeezed right now.

    And all I can do is sit here in darkness, alone. I'm typing this as some sort of relief but it's not really working. I know no one will read this, and that no one can help me. But maybe, just maybe... If I can articulate it... Maybe I can try to just understand it. I've been...
    TubaAtheist TubaAtheist 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 27

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    this weekend me, my mom

    and my two brothers are moving to a nother place and my step-dad and step-sister are staying at the house that I'm about to move out of
    snbreeden20000 snbreeden20000 13-15, F 1 hr ago

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    I've gotten so good at faking a smile.

    It's hard for me to determine if my smiles are genuine, I've gotten so good at faking. It's always kind of funny when I talk to people and smile, because they think it's real. It's very rare that my smiles are genuine
    ZiggyZebra ZiggyZebra 13-15, F Jul 4

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    All there's left to do

    for me is complaining. I can't stand it anymore, this city, these people. Everybody disappoints, in one way or another, they all do. And people will never turn out the way you think they would. One moment they might seem to be your shelter, your best friend, lover or even your...
    BMTH99 BMTH99 16-17, F Apr 5

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    When people tell me they're fine,

    whe clearly they're sad, I want to be there for them and talk to them and let them know it's okay to cry. But when I'm sad or upset, I say I'm fine. And all they say is okay. And walk away.
    SomeDepressedTeenx SomeDepressedTeenx 13-15, F 1 Response Dec 4, 2014

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    SammiSakura SammiSakura 13-15, F 1 Response Apr 6

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    Everything was going

    so well but now I stay up all night overthinking things and it's driving me insane
    camasf camasf 13-15, F 3 Responses May 24

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    How is it possible that someone

    who I gave everything to just dropped me for someone else?
    gabbieceleste gabbieceleste 18-21 Jun 28

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    CallmeHopelessNotRomantic CallmeHopelessNotRomantic 36-40, F Jun 14

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    I am sad that our former President Prof.

    A PJ.Abdul Kalam has passed away.May he rest in peace .
    whitesunshine87 whitesunshine87 51-55, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    divinitydragon divinitydragon 26-30, M 2 Responses Mar 24

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    again. oh how doctors ?

    how nurses ? how how how ??? I am just so scared
    Thedepressedgirlatthewindow Thedepressedgirlatthewindow 16-17, F 2 Responses May 8

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    I am not. And when everyone asks I say I am.

    I am tired of saying I am not, and even though I am still not, I say I am. Maybe if I continue to say I am then I will be. Fingers crossed, I hope some day I will not feel like crying.
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 16-17, F Nov 11, 2014

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    Today I lost a best friend.

    At the same time I sit here holding the hand of my mother as she is dying. This is so overwhelming. It feels like my world falling apart. I am not ok!!