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I Am Not Okay

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 639 People

    I am not okay. I haven't been okay.

    Everytime something good happens, something worse happens. I am not okay. My manic depression has been going crazy, and I can't even keep up with myself. I am not okay. I have never been okay
    RxpperGirl RxpperGirl 18-21, F 5 days ago

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    When people tell me they're fine,

    whe clearly they're sad, I want to be there for them and talk to them and let them know it's okay to cry. But when I'm sad or upset, I say I'm fine. And all they say is okay. And walk away.
    SomeDepressedTeenx SomeDepressedTeenx 13-15, F 1 Response Dec 4, 2014

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    I told one of my friend's everything today,

    about my situation at home, about my suicidal tendencies, about how I'm sad. I don't know how she did it but she managed to get it out of me. I felt like such a charity case, I hate pity and that's exactly what I was receiving. I haven't even told her the full extent f what's on...
    yoursecretlifestylee yoursecretlifestylee 13-15, F 6 days ago

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    I'm getting the urge to self harm ): I last

    self harmed 7 months ago today
    TheDevilInTheMirror TheDevilInTheMirror 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 1, 2014

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    I put on a smile everyday

    but no one can actually tell that I'm dying inside.
    LittleBeelzebub LittleBeelzebub 18-21, F 4 Responses Aug 5, 2014

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    Its pathetic how people think they can comment

    on your profile nasty things or target someone personally. EP is here to post experiences and/or ask for advice or help. Yet people are using it to target people and be nasty or harass the vulnerable. EP needs to change its rules
    HarrietAC HarrietAC 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 7, 2014

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    I say I am over and over

    but all I think is can't you see, can't you see the constant pain I'm in please just look a little closer.
    nonamerr nonamerr 13-15, F Mar 19

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    Thenamesjess Thenamesjess 16-17, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    When I hear the words come from my girlfriend's

    mouth my heart breaks in two. When I see her wrist and her side I cry inside. I lean down and kiss the cuts I see as many times as I can before she has to leave. It doesn't help though... As soon as she's cone she starts again and it's killing me inside. I cut myself so why...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Feb 21

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    "Are you ok?" I hear this question at least

    once a day. Three little words, to which the obvious answer is "I'm fine", but I never am. There's no way to tell the people who call themselves my 'friends' how I really feel. I've become an expert at faking that I'm ok, when inside I'm hurting so bad.
    SevenWaysToFakeIt SevenWaysToFakeIt 13-15, F 2 Responses Apr 21, 2014

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    I told my mother today,

    that I was raped when I was 14. I'm turning 21 this year so it's been seven years since this event. This whole time I was too afraid to tell her, too ashamed to say it out loud, in denial about everything. she asked a few questions, and I tried to keep her as relaxed or calm as...
    KitCatBar14 KitCatBar14 18-21, F Mar 10

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    I'm so tired and sick of this.

    . I'm tired of pretending to be strong.. I really want to give up.. >.<
    Rourou19 Rourou19 18-21, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    I guess it's hard for me to say,

    but I'm not okay. I guess if I tell everyone that I'm okay, then I feel as if I am okay, but I'm not. I space out in the middle of people talking to me, questioning my own existence. I hug people just a little too long because it keeps me tied down on earth. I long to have...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Dec 23, 2013

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    going though surgeries is not easy,

    especially when you're alone.
    NostalgicSpirit NostalgicSpirit 22-25, F Sep 24, 2014

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    lilbiatch lilbiatch 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 8

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    Today I lost a best friend.

    At the same time I sit here holding the hand of my mother as she is dying. This is so overwhelming. It feels like my world falling apart. I am not ok!!
    sml4 sml4 46-50, F 6 Responses 6 days ago

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    No, no I'm ******* not.

    People would know this if they could be bothered to ask. I need new friends.
    ShatteredSoundwaves ShatteredSoundwaves 22-25, M 2 Responses Jan 19

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    I hide from everyone just

    so they will be happy. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't. It is much easier to lie then to tell the truth though since I am not hurting anyone. I can't bother anyone with my trivial feelings, I just can't...
    Saya66 Saya66 16-17, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I am stressed,sad,lonely,

    worried and feel soooo ******* down today so yes obviously I'm not okay. I'm emotionally and physically not okay.
    akirayuuki akirayuuki 26-30, F 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    Stuck in a horrible rut everything is the same

    nothing changed I'm sick of life. For 6 years now same bedsit still no boyfriend no successful job nothing goes right and and I'm in a vicious circle. Online dating has been disastrous and I have one tiny room to live in a tiny bedsit . Family don't help just brag about their...
    kittykat789 kittykat789 31-35, F Oct 12, 2014

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    I love how I say I am not okay

    and then you keep asking me if I am. My answer is still no, I am not okay. When I tell you I am tired of people asking me if I am okay, you turn around and ask me.. I am not okay. Even when I say I am. I am not.
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 22

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    So today is not a good day.

    I graduated and every one I know is already in college or preparing to go to college next week and I start late. I have no one to talk to, I can't reach any of my siblings or my best friend. I am so sick of wasting my day by watching stuff online. My ears hurt from listening...
    Shamandora Shamandora 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 18, 2014

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    i feel bit of confused.

    ..i dont know if i made the right choice...when im still single,im practicing my profession as a nurse,but when we get married i had to give up my career,because we had a 1 y/o son and my husband wants me to stay in the house while he is working..after 2yrs of being together,i...
    yrinmairi25 yrinmairi25 26-30, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    The cuts on my thigh.

    The cuts on my wrist. The cuts on my stomach. They're not making it okay. I am not okay. And when you tickle me or u move the wrong way the pain is so great I want to cry. And I know I am stupid, everything I do is stupid. But I am not okay... And no one questions it.
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Mar 5

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    Nothing is going the way I thought it would be

    going. I'm only 18 I don't know where I thought Id be but it wasn't here. It makes me stressed just thinking about it all. I'm just not okay ...
    username1767 username1767 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 26, 2014

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    to all my ep friends

    and family, i have something to say. i am not okay. i was getting better for months and i thought i was finely gonna beat depression once and for all, but something happened. something in my mind clicked i finely relised life is not gonna get better and im not gonna be stuck in...
    crazyhyperkid crazyhyperkid 18-21, M 2 Responses Mar 1

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    divinitydragon divinitydragon 22-25, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    The thoughts happen everyday.

    Should I take the pills? Should I stick a knife in the socket? Should I fall asleep and never wake up again? What would it be like? It doesn't matter... I know that no one else cares..
    Saya66 Saya66 16-17, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I am started off with bad thoughts again.

    .. Thinking about what ifs. What if he killed me what if it wasn't my mom, it was me. What if he ran after me down the street screaming. What if my other brother was a another him and wasn't satisfied with one bruise.. What if he got to me when I barricaded myself in my room...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Feb 25

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    I hate being ignored.

    It hurts like eating broken glass! I'm so sick of trying to be friends with people who CLEARLY don't want to be. And everytime I give up on this guy I always get the urge to speak to him to try again. It never works. And he loves to play mind games by not replying to me, when I...
    Fierrrrce Fierrrrce 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 21

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    I hope to God the people I love love me.

    I hope I am not giving out my love with only pity in return. I really hope... I fear it so...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Mar 11

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    Sometimes, being not okay is okay.

    We grow. We learn new things. Most importantly, being okay means we try to be OK and this means, we're getting stronger. I guess this life is just making me stronger. Maybe it'll keep making me strong until I'll be lifeless..
    chocolateinmyblood chocolateinmyblood 16-17 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I am not. And when everyone asks I say I am.

    I am tired of saying I am not, and even though I am still not, I say I am. Maybe if I continue to say I am then I will be. Fingers crossed, I hope some day I will not feel like crying.
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Nov 11, 2014

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    im reallyyy horny right now

    and i want someone to turn me off cuz i dont want to **********..im quitting ************
    mostafa01998 mostafa01998 18-21, M 1 Response Apr 23, 2014

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    I feel like I am being squeezed right now.

    And all I can do is sit here in darkness, alone. I'm typing this as some sort of relief but it's not really working. I know no one will read this, and that no one can help me. But maybe, just maybe... If I can articulate it... Maybe I can try to just understand it. I've been...
    TubaAtheist TubaAtheist 18-21, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    I consider and appear to be confident

    but when im thinking I become crazy abt myself. sometimes I really love myself and sometimes I wanna b dead. I blame no one at all I jus wish sometimes things can go smooth for me. just once. this good bad good bad pattern needs to stop. unless its part of my life. but id say...
    pizzababyxo pizzababyxo 13-15, F Feb 21

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    My pants aren't baggy from the not eating.

    They're baggy from the constant wear. I can afford barely more than one pair. I am tired and my stomach aches.. Not from hunger I am never hungry and when I am it makes me sick... It aches from the cuts and scars I hide. From my hitting myself and trying to wear myself down like...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 20

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    Round And Round

    Nightmares, medications, hospitalizations, overdoses, group homes. i will never be okay..........just one more cog messing with the gears. I go around and around and get nowhere except where I began from.
    bluehaiku bluehaiku 41-45, F Nov 7, 2010

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    Why can't people love me back.

    ..? Do I just always fall for unaffectionet people or people that will never love me back... I feel like I am always in a one sided relationship with people that know exactly what I want but don't care about how I feel...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F 5 days ago

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    I Don'T Know How Much Longer I Can Fake It.

    I'm not okay. I've been fighting this darkness for years. I've been fighting myself for years. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. Ha. Either way one side loses and wins every time. It's just which side. The said that says smile through it, you'll make it. Or the side that...
    lalalaarawrr lalalaarawrr 18-21, F Nov 9, 2013

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    Not at all. I really am not okay.

    I'm not. But ask me and I'll tell you I'm just fine. I'm fine. But...I'm not really.
    ImagineA ImagineA 16-17 1 Response Aug 27, 2014

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    lilbiatch lilbiatch 16-17, F Mar 4

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    TURNS OUT MY BF was with 3 girls last night

    getting up to no good! Better than him! I'm better than this :)
    HarrietAC HarrietAC 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 29, 2014

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    Just find it hard to see the purpose

    for living. People disappoint me, life disappoints me and I disappoint myself. Everything is fake and in the end of the day no one really really cares of no one else than themselves and I'm thinking I'm probably one of them too.
    MiaHel MiaHel 36-40, F 3 Responses Sep 22, 2014

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    bluegirlie98 bluegirlie98 16-17, F 4 Responses Nov 15, 2014

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    I don't know what's wrong with me.

    There's something wrong with my mind, i've been hallucinating for about 2 years now. But i'm not crazy, there's something out there
    TheresSomethingReallyWrongHere TheresSomethingReallyWrongHere 18-21, M Mar 5

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    I feel like slicing my wrists

    and crawling in the tub. Just to let go... Please.. Can someone make me not..
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Mar 5