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I Am Not Okay

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 723 People

    I don't know what's wrong with me.

    There's something wrong with my mind, i've been hallucinating for about 2 years now. But i'm not crazy, there's something out there
    TheresSomethingReallyWrongHere TheresSomethingReallyWrongHere 18-21, M Mar 5

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    again. oh how doctors ?

    how nurses ? how how how ??? I am just so scared
    Thedepressedgirlatthewindow Thedepressedgirlatthewindow 16-17, F 2 Responses May 8

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    More and more health complications.

    New hospital and doctors appointments everyday. False hope, false solution, false sense of safety and stabilized health... Can I do this again tomorrow ?
    gottakeepyourheadup gottakeepyourheadup 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 10

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    I Don'T Know How Much Longer I Can Fake It.

    I'm not okay. I've been fighting this darkness for years. I've been fighting myself for years. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. Ha. Either way one side loses and wins every time. It's just which side. The said that says smile through it, you'll make it. Or the side that...
    lalalaarawrr lalalaarawrr 18-21, F Nov 9, 2013

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    deleted deleted 26-30 Mar 4

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    I'm getting the urge to self harm ): I last

    self harmed 7 months ago today
    TheDevilInTheMirror TheDevilInTheMirror 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 1, 2014

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    No, no I'm ******* not.

    People would know this if they could be bothered to ask. I need new friends.
    ShatteredSoundwaves ShatteredSoundwaves 22-25, M 2 Responses Jan 19

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    I don't usually like making a big deal out of

    things. But I am seriously depressed..
    Thenamesjess Thenamesjess 16-17, F 6 Responses May 7

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    bluegirlie98 bluegirlie98 16-17, F 4 Responses Nov 15, 2014

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    I say I am over and over

    but all I think is can't you see, can't you see the constant pain I'm in please just look a little closer.
    nonamerr nonamerr 13-15, F Mar 19

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    If somebody asks me "how are you?

    " or "Are you ok?" I WILL respond with "I'm fine!! How are you?" I will plaster that smile on my face and avoid talking about myself at all costs. But I'm lying. I'm not okay. I wonder if I have ever been okay. I am hurting inside and I don't even know what's wrong with me. I...
    ToBeAnOtaku101 ToBeAnOtaku101 16-17, F 2 Responses Oct 22, 2014

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    I feel like I am being squeezed right now.

    And all I can do is sit here in darkness, alone. I'm typing this as some sort of relief but it's not really working. I know no one will read this, and that no one can help me. But maybe, just maybe... If I can articulate it... Maybe I can try to just understand it. I've been...
    TubaAtheist TubaAtheist 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 27

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    TURNS OUT MY BF was with 3 girls last night

    getting up to no good! Better than him! I'm better than this :)
    HarrietAC HarrietAC 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 29, 2014

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    divinitydragon divinitydragon 70+, M 3 Responses Mar 24

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    The cuts on my thigh.

    The cuts on my wrist. The cuts on my stomach. They're not making it okay. I am not okay. And when you tickle me or u move the wrong way the pain is so great I want to cry. And I know I am stupid, everything I do is stupid. But I am not okay... And no one questions it.
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Mar 5

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    I guess it's hard for me to say,

    but I'm not okay. I guess if I tell everyone that I'm okay, then I feel as if I am okay, but I'm not. I space out in the middle of people talking to me, questioning my own existence. I hug people just a little too long because it keeps me tied down on earth. I long to have...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Dec 23, 2013

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    When people tell me they're fine,

    whe clearly they're sad, I want to be there for them and talk to them and let them know it's okay to cry. But when I'm sad or upset, I say I'm fine. And all they say is okay. And walk away.
    SomeDepressedTeenx SomeDepressedTeenx 13-15, F 1 Response Dec 4, 2014

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    I hope that it doesn't matter I'm posting this

    so late at night. I need it to do this to calm down a bit, even though I'll talk about it "tomorrow" (today) with my psychotherapist. Some months ago, I had a pretty much traumatic experience with a jackass who unfortunately happened to buy the house next to mine. It's a family...
    somniatorlupus somniatorlupus 18-21, M 1 Response May 15

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    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Mar 8

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    Why can't people love me back.

    ..? Do I just always fall for unaffectionet people or people that will never love me back... I feel like I am always in a one sided relationship with people that know exactly what I want but don't care about how I feel...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Mar 24

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    "Are you ok?" I hear this question at least

    once a day. Three little words, to which the obvious answer is "I'm fine", but I never am. There's no way to tell the people who call themselves my 'friends' how I really feel. I've become an expert at faking that I'm ok, when inside I'm hurting so bad.
    SevenWaysToFakeIt SevenWaysToFakeIt 13-15, F 2 Responses Apr 21, 2014

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    to all my ep friends

    and family, i have something to say. i am not okay. i was getting better for months and i thought i was finely gonna beat depression once and for all, but something happened. something in my mind clicked i finely relised life is not gonna get better and im not gonna be stuck in...
    crazyhyperkid crazyhyperkid 18-21, M 3 Responses Mar 1

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    I feel like slicing my wrists

    and crawling in the tub. Just to let go... Please.. Can someone make me not..
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Mar 5

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    Sometimes, being not okay is okay.

    We grow. We learn new things. Most importantly, being okay means we try to be OK and this means, we're getting stronger. I guess this life is just making me stronger. Maybe it'll keep making me strong until I'll be lifeless..
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Mar 24

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    Its pathetic how people think they can comment

    on your profile nasty things or target someone personally. EP is here to post experiences and/or ask for advice or help. Yet people are using it to target people and be nasty or harass the vulnerable. EP needs to change its rules
    HarrietAC HarrietAC 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 7, 2014

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    Today I lost a best friend.

    At the same time I sit here holding the hand of my mother as she is dying. This is so overwhelming. It feels like my world falling apart. I am not ok!!
    sml4 sml4 46-50, F 5 Responses Mar 23

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    He's there in the seat in front of me again.

    Even with the "Gays go to hell" comments and the occasional offensive word... It was getting better. But now sixth period is miserable all over again. I am back to that scared point... Uncontactable shaking and wanting to run out the door. Hands here... Where there not suppose...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Mar 4

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    All there's left to do

    for me is complaining. I can't stand it anymore, this city, these people. Everybody disappoints, in one way or another, they all do. And people will never turn out the way you think they would. One moment they might seem to be your shelter, your best friend, lover or even your...
    BMTH99 BMTH99 16-17, F Apr 5

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    My best friend tried to end his life last night.

    He lives in Texas and sent me a goodbye note via email. I tried to stop him by saying that if he did it, I would too but he didn't listen. He's now in hospital and hasn't woken up yet but he's going to be okay hopefully. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life.
    itscassi itscassi 13-15, F 4 Responses Apr 10

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    I am not. And when everyone asks I say I am.

    I am tired of saying I am not, and even though I am still not, I say I am. Maybe if I continue to say I am then I will be. Fingers crossed, I hope some day I will not feel like crying.
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Nov 11, 2014

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    I hate being ignored.

    It hurts like eating broken glass! I'm so sick of trying to be friends with people who CLEARLY don't want to be. And everytime I give up on this guy I always get the urge to speak to him to try again. It never works. And he loves to play mind games by not replying to me, when I...
    Fierrrrce Fierrrrce 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 21

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    Not at all. I really am not okay.

    I'm not. But ask me and I'll tell you I'm just fine. I'm fine. But...I'm not really.
    ImagineA ImagineA 16-17 1 Response Aug 27, 2014

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    I am not okay. I haven't been okay.

    Everytime something good happens, something worse happens. I am not okay. My manic depression has been going crazy, and I can't even keep up with myself. I am not okay. I have never been okay
    RxpperGirl RxpperGirl 18-21, F Mar 24

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    Thenamesjess Thenamesjess 16-17, F 3 Responses Mar 23

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    I told one of my friend's everything today,

    about my situation at home, about my suicidal tendencies, about how I'm sad. I don't know how she did it but she managed to get it out of me. I felt like such a charity case, I hate pity and that's exactly what I was receiving. I haven't even told her the full extent f what's on...
    yoursecretlifestylee yoursecretlifestylee 13-15, F Mar 23

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    This sentence just keeps repeating itself in my

    head. Almost like the My Chemical Romance song. I am sick to death of feeling this way. Trapped and totally alone. Feeling betrayed by so many people. I am not okay. I want to run away. I want to escape. Nothing seems to be going right at the moment. Everything in my world is...
    js246 js246 22-25 Apr 5

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    SammiSakura SammiSakura 13-15, F 1 Response Apr 6

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    I put on a smile everyday

    but no one can actually tell that I'm dying inside.
    LittleBeelzebub LittleBeelzebub 18-21, F 4 Responses Aug 5, 2014

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    Nothing is going the way I thought it would be

    going. I'm only 18 I don't know where I thought Id be but it wasn't here. It makes me stressed just thinking about it all. I'm just not okay ...
    username1767 username1767 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 26, 2014

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    Round And Round

    Nightmares, medications, hospitalizations, overdoses, group homes. i will never be okay..........just one more cog messing with the gears. I go around and around and get nowhere except where I began from.
    bluehaiku bluehaiku 41-45, F Nov 7, 2010

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    You're the person I wanna go to.

    But then you tell me you can't deal with serious things. I lie an say I am alright. I am not alright. You see through that but... How can I say those things you just judged are what I am thinking about... What if that very thing you didn't wanna talk about was what's bugging me...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F 1 Response May 4

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    My dads in the hospital.

    .. His heart is ****** up... I can't keep listening o the words "chest pains again..." My friends are broken and I can't help cause I am the same... My stomach aches cause the cuts that run deep... My mom yells and I can't take it... She's stressed I know.. I am scared they'll...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 20

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    I hope to God the people I love love me.

    I hope I am not giving out my love with only pity in return. I really hope... I fear it so...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Mar 11

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    i feel bit of confused.

    ..i dont know if i made the right choice...when im still single,im practicing my profession as a nurse,but when we get married i had to give up my career,because we had a 1 y/o son and my husband wants me to stay in the house while he is working..after 2yrs of being together,i...
    yrinmairi25 yrinmairi25 26-30, F Mar 23

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    The weeks filled with doctors appointments

    and tests/treatments don't make me feel wasted and lazy but the days I sit around and remember I no longer attend college with the rest of my friends kills me. This week I will officially be a year behind my class to graduate from college, and it's killing me.
    gottakeepyourheadup gottakeepyourheadup 18-21, F 2 Responses May 5

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    I am stressed,sad,lonely,

    worried and feel soooo ******* down today so yes obviously I'm not okay. I'm emotionally and physically not okay.
    akirayuuki akirayuuki 26-30, F 4 Responses Mar 24

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    I told my mother today,

    that I was raped when I was 14. I'm turning 21 this year so it's been seven years since this event. This whole time I was too afraid to tell her, too ashamed to say it out loud, in denial about everything. she asked a few questions, and I tried to keep her as relaxed or calm as...