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I Am Not Okay

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 670 People

    I am not okay. I haven't been okay.

    Everytime something good happens, something worse happens. I am not okay. My manic depression has been going crazy, and I can't even keep up with myself. I am not okay. I have never been okay
    RxpperGirl RxpperGirl 18-21, F Mar 24

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    Today I lost a best friend.

    At the same time I sit here holding the hand of my mother as she is dying. This is so overwhelming. It feels like my world falling apart. I am not ok!!
    sml4 sml4 46-50, F 6 Responses Mar 23

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    I told one of my friend's everything today,

    about my situation at home, about my suicidal tendencies, about how I'm sad. I don't know how she did it but she managed to get it out of me. I felt like such a charity case, I hate pity and that's exactly what I was receiving. I haven't even told her the full extent f what's on...
    yoursecretlifestylee yoursecretlifestylee 13-15, F Mar 23

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    More and more health complications.

    New hospital and doctors appointments everyday. False hope, false solution, false sense of safety and stabilized health... Can I do this again tomorrow ?
    gottakeepyourheadup gottakeepyourheadup 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 10

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    I put on a smile everyday

    but no one can actually tell that I'm dying inside.
    LittleBeelzebub LittleBeelzebub 18-21, F 4 Responses Aug 5, 2014

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    I Don'T Know How Much Longer I Can Fake It.

    I'm not okay. I've been fighting this darkness for years. I've been fighting myself for years. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. Ha. Either way one side loses and wins every time. It's just which side. The said that says smile through it, you'll make it. Or the side that...
    lalalaarawrr lalalaarawrr 18-21, F Nov 9, 2013

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    to all my ep friends

    and family, i have something to say. i am not okay. i was getting better for months and i thought i was finely gonna beat depression once and for all, but something happened. something in my mind clicked i finely relised life is not gonna get better and im not gonna be stuck in...
    crazyhyperkid crazyhyperkid 18-21, M 3 Responses Mar 1

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    Its pathetic how people think they can comment

    on your profile nasty things or target someone personally. EP is here to post experiences and/or ask for advice or help. Yet people are using it to target people and be nasty or harass the vulnerable. EP needs to change its rules
    HarrietAC HarrietAC 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 7, 2014

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    I guess it's hard for me to say,

    but I'm not okay. I guess if I tell everyone that I'm okay, then I feel as if I am okay, but I'm not. I space out in the middle of people talking to me, questioning my own existence. I hug people just a little too long because it keeps me tied down on earth. I long to have...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Dec 23, 2013

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    TURNS OUT MY BF was with 3 girls last night

    getting up to no good! Better than him! I'm better than this :)
    HarrietAC HarrietAC 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 29, 2014

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    Nothing is going the way I thought it would be

    going. I'm only 18 I don't know where I thought Id be but it wasn't here. It makes me stressed just thinking about it all. I'm just not okay ...
    username1767 username1767 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 26, 2014

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    bluegirlie98 bluegirlie98 16-17, F 4 Responses Nov 15, 2014

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    im reallyyy horny right now

    and i want someone to turn me off cuz i dont want to **********..im quitting ************
    mostafa01998 mostafa01998 18-21, M 1 Response Apr 23, 2014

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    "Are you ok?" I hear this question at least

    once a day. Three little words, to which the obvious answer is "I'm fine", but I never am. There's no way to tell the people who call themselves my 'friends' how I really feel. I've become an expert at faking that I'm ok, when inside I'm hurting so bad.
    SevenWaysToFakeIt SevenWaysToFakeIt 13-15, F 2 Responses Apr 21, 2014

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    Thenamesjess Thenamesjess 16-17, F 3 Responses Mar 23

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    I'm getting the urge to self harm ): I last

    self harmed 7 months ago today
    TheDevilInTheMirror TheDevilInTheMirror 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 1, 2014

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    lilbiatch lilbiatch 16-17, F Mar 4

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    This sentence just keeps repeating itself in my

    head. Almost like the My Chemical Romance song. I am sick to death of feeling this way. Trapped and totally alone. Feeling betrayed by so many people. I am not okay. I want to run away. I want to escape. Nothing seems to be going right at the moment. Everything in my world is...
    js246 js246 22-25 2 Responses Apr 5

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    i feel bit of confused.

    ..i dont know if i made the right choice...when im still single,im practicing my profession as a nurse,but when we get married i had to give up my career,because we had a 1 y/o son and my husband wants me to stay in the house while he is working..after 2yrs of being together,i...
    yrinmairi25 yrinmairi25 26-30, F 1 Response Mar 23

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    My dads in the hospital.

    .. His heart is ****** up... I can't keep listening o the words "chest pains again..." My friends are broken and I can't help cause I am the same... My stomach aches cause the cuts that run deep... My mom yells and I can't take it... She's stressed I know.. I am scared they'll...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 20

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    The cuts on my thigh.

    The cuts on my wrist. The cuts on my stomach. They're not making it okay. I am not okay. And when you tickle me or u move the wrong way the pain is so great I want to cry. And I know I am stupid, everything I do is stupid. But I am not okay... And no one questions it.
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Mar 5

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    I told my mother today,

    that I was raped when I was 14. I'm turning 21 this year so it's been seven years since this event. This whole time I was too afraid to tell her, too ashamed to say it out loud, in denial about everything. she asked a few questions, and I tried to keep her as relaxed or calm as...
    KitCatBar14 KitCatBar14 18-21, F Mar 10

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    I say I am over and over

    but all I think is can't you see, can't you see the constant pain I'm in please just look a little closer.
    nonamerr nonamerr 13-15, F Mar 19

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    I am started off with bad thoughts again.

    .. Thinking about what ifs. What if he killed me what if it wasn't my mom, it was me. What if he ran after me down the street screaming. What if my other brother was a another him and wasn't satisfied with one bruise.. What if he got to me when I barricaded myself in my room...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Feb 25

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    I am not. And when everyone asks I say I am.

    I am tired of saying I am not, and even though I am still not, I say I am. Maybe if I continue to say I am then I will be. Fingers crossed, I hope some day I will not feel like crying.
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Nov 11, 2014

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    I hate being ignored.

    It hurts like eating broken glass! I'm so sick of trying to be friends with people who CLEARLY don't want to be. And everytime I give up on this guy I always get the urge to speak to him to try again. It never works. And he loves to play mind games by not replying to me, when I...
    Fierrrrce Fierrrrce 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 21

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    Stuck in a horrible rut everything is the same

    nothing changed I'm sick of life. For 6 years now same bedsit still no boyfriend no successful job nothing goes right and and I'm in a vicious circle. Online dating has been disastrous and I have one tiny room to live in a tiny bedsit . Family don't help just brag about their...
    kittykat789 kittykat789 31-35, F Oct 12, 2014

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    All there's left to do

    for me is complaining. I can't stand it anymore, this city, these people. Everybody disappoints, in one way or another, they all do. And people will never turn out the way you think they would. One moment they might seem to be your shelter, your best friend, lover or even your...
    BMTH99 BMTH99 16-17, F Apr 5

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    lilbiatch lilbiatch 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 8

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    I am stressed,sad,lonely,

    worried and feel soooo ******* down today so yes obviously I'm not okay. I'm emotionally and physically not okay.
    akirayuuki akirayuuki 26-30, F 4 Responses Mar 24

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    I don't know what's wrong with me.

    There's something wrong with my mind, i've been hallucinating for about 2 years now. But i'm not crazy, there's something out there
    TheresSomethingReallyWrongHere TheresSomethingReallyWrongHere 18-21, M Mar 5

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    I'm so tired and sick of this.

    . I'm tired of pretending to be strong.. I really want to give up.. >.<
    Rourou19 Rourou19 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 26

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    My best friend tried to end his life last night.

    He lives in Texas and sent me a goodbye note via email. I tried to stop him by saying that if he did it, I would too but he didn't listen. He's now in hospital and hasn't woken up yet but he's going to be okay hopefully. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life.
    itscassi itscassi 13-15, F 4 Responses Apr 10

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    When people tell me they're fine,

    whe clearly they're sad, I want to be there for them and talk to them and let them know it's okay to cry. But when I'm sad or upset, I say I'm fine. And all they say is okay. And walk away.
    SomeDepressedTeenx SomeDepressedTeenx 13-15, F 1 Response Dec 4, 2014

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    divinitydragon divinitydragon 22-25, M 4 Responses Mar 24

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    I consider and appear to be confident

    but when im thinking I become crazy abt myself. sometimes I really love myself and sometimes I wanna b dead. I blame no one at all I jus wish sometimes things can go smooth for me. just once. this good bad good bad pattern needs to stop. unless its part of my life. but id say...
    pizzababyxo pizzababyxo 13-15, F Feb 21

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    SammiSakura SammiSakura 13-15, F 1 Response Apr 6

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    Why can't people love me back.

    ..? Do I just always fall for unaffectionet people or people that will never love me back... I feel like I am always in a one sided relationship with people that know exactly what I want but don't care about how I feel...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Mar 24

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    He's there in the seat in front of me again.

    Even with the "Gays go to hell" comments and the occasional offensive word... It was getting better. But now sixth period is miserable all over again. I am back to that scared point... Uncontactable shaking and wanting to run out the door. Hands here... Where there not suppose...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Mar 4

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    I feel like I am being squeezed right now.

    And all I can do is sit here in darkness, alone. I'm typing this as some sort of relief but it's not really working. I know no one will read this, and that no one can help me. But maybe, just maybe... If I can articulate it... Maybe I can try to just understand it. I've been...
    TubaAtheist TubaAtheist 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 27

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    If somebody asks me "how are you?

    " or "Are you ok?" I WILL respond with "I'm fine!! How are you?" I will plaster that smile on my face and avoid talking about myself at all costs. But I'm lying. I'm not okay. I wonder if I have ever been okay. I am hurting inside and I don't even know what's wrong with me. I...
    ToBeAnOtaku101 ToBeAnOtaku101 16-17, F 2 Responses Oct 22, 2014

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    I hope to God the people I love love me.

    I hope I am not giving out my love with only pity in return. I really hope... I fear it so...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Mar 11

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    Round And Round

    Nightmares, medications, hospitalizations, overdoses, group homes. i will never be okay..........just one more cog messing with the gears. I go around and around and get nowhere except where I began from.
    bluehaiku bluehaiku 41-45, F Nov 7, 2010

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    So today is not a good day.

    I graduated and every one I know is already in college or preparing to go to college next week and I start late. I have no one to talk to, I can't reach any of my siblings or my best friend. I am so sick of wasting my day by watching stuff online. My ears hurt from listening...
    Shamandora Shamandora 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 18, 2014

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    No, no I'm ******* not.

    People would know this if they could be bothered to ask. I need new friends.
    ShatteredSoundwaves ShatteredSoundwaves 22-25, M 2 Responses Jan 19

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    Not at all. I really am not okay.

    I'm not. But ask me and I'll tell you I'm just fine. I'm fine. But...I'm not really.
    ImagineA ImagineA 16-17 1 Response Aug 27, 2014

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