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I Am Not Okay

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 580 People

    I can't even eat properly from worrying about

    my boyfriend and his bad influencing friends. After the last few weeks I've just began constantly worrying after he lied to me pretending he was in danger and doing drugs. And last night I threw up from the constant nervousness and worrying. I'm making myself more ill yet I can...
    HarrietAC HarrietAC 18-21, F 3 Responses Aug 15, 2014

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    Nothing is going the way I thought it would be

    going. I'm only 18 I don't know where I thought Id be but it wasn't here. It makes me stressed just thinking about it all. I'm just not okay ...
    username1767 username1767 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 26, 2014

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    I hate being ignored.

    It hurts like eating broken glass! I'm so sick of trying to be friends with people who CLEARLY don't want to be. And everytime I give up on this guy I always get the urge to speak to him to try again. It never works. And he loves to play mind games by not replying to me, when I...
    Fierrrrce Fierrrrce 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 21

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    I'm getting the urge to self harm ): I last

    self harmed 7 months ago today
    TheDevilInTheMirror TheDevilInTheMirror 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 1, 2014

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    I think i see things

    or people from the vietnam war. I never served but i c the soldiers. Hear choppers guns exct why me how is it posible . It bothers me so. I dont watch movies on this so i dont get it help
    lostchild62 lostchild62 41-45, M Feb 3

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    I'm generally probably not ok,

    even though I say I am.
    trayomis trayomis 31-35, F 3 Responses Dec 3, 2014

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    Actually, I'm worst than not ok.

    I would say depressed but that word is so overused. People use it to express their sadness. I thought I was depressed, because I thought about suicide all the time. My life sucks, worthless, lonely, that's always the common theme. For years, I've use my sadness as an excuse to...
    feint30 feint30 26-30, M 4 Responses Nov 16, 2014

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    ravenzewolf ravenzewolf 13-15, F Oct 21, 2014

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    Round And Round

    Nightmares, medications, hospitalizations, overdoses, group homes. i will never be okay..........just one more cog messing with the gears. I go around and around and get nowhere except where I began from.
    bluehaiku bluehaiku 41-45, F Nov 7, 2010

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    I'm never going to be okay again

    after this. You just.. left me? This can't be happening..
    jiayong jiayong 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 11

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    Just find it hard to see the purpose

    for living. People disappoint me, life disappoints me and I disappoint myself. Everything is fake and in the end of the day no one really really cares of no one else than themselves and I'm thinking I'm probably one of them too.
    MiaHel MiaHel 36-40, F 3 Responses Sep 22, 2014

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    to all my ep friends

    and family, i have something to say. i am not okay. i was getting better for months and i thought i was finely gonna beat depression once and for all, but something happened. something in my mind clicked i finely relised life is not gonna get better and im not gonna be stuck in...
    crazyhyperkid crazyhyperkid 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    im reallyyy horny right now

    and i want someone to turn me off cuz i dont want to **********..im quitting ************
    mostafa01998 mostafa01998 18-21, M 1 Response Apr 23, 2014

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    Probably never will be.

    I just wished I could be happy
    DeterminedToMakeLifeWorthIt DeterminedToMakeLifeWorthIt 16-17, F 3 Responses Jan 14

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    I hate my school I hate myself I hate everything

    and I just need peter to be here for me but he never is :'(
    bluegirlie98 bluegirlie98 16-17, F Oct 29, 2014

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    TURNS OUT MY BF was with 3 girls last night

    getting up to no good! Better than him! I'm better than this :)
    HarrietAC HarrietAC 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 29, 2014

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    I put on a smile everyday

    but no one can actually tell that I'm dying inside.
    LittleBeelzebub LittleBeelzebub 18-21, F 4 Responses Aug 5, 2014

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    I am not. And when everyone asks I say I am.

    I am tired of saying I am not, and even though I am still not, I say I am. Maybe if I continue to say I am then I will be. Fingers crossed, I hope some day I will not feel like crying.
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Nov 11, 2014

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    If somebody asks me "how are you?

    " or "Are you ok?" I WILL respond with "I'm fine!! How are you?" I will plaster that smile on my face and avoid talking about myself at all costs. But I'm lying. I'm not okay. I wonder if I have ever been okay. I am hurting inside and I don't even know what's wrong with me. I...
    ToBeAnOtaku101 ToBeAnOtaku101 16-17, F 2 Responses Oct 22, 2014

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    I consider and appear to be confident

    but when im thinking I become crazy abt myself. sometimes I really love myself and sometimes I wanna b dead. I blame no one at all I jus wish sometimes things can go smooth for me. just once. this good bad good bad pattern needs to stop. unless its part of my life. but id say...
    pizzababyxo pizzababyxo 13-15, F Feb 21

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    I guess it's hard for me to say,

    but I'm not okay. I guess if I tell everyone that I'm okay, then I feel as if I am okay, but I'm not. I space out in the middle of people talking to me, questioning my own existence. I hug people just a little too long because it keeps me tied down on earth. I long to have...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Dec 23, 2013

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    smilingtolie smilingtolie 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    My pants aren't baggy from the not eating.

    They're baggy from the constant wear. I can afford barely more than one pair. I am tired and my stomach aches.. Not from hunger I am never hungry and when I am it makes me sick... It aches from the cuts and scars I hide. From my hitting myself and trying to wear myself down like...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 20

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    because my friends graduated today,

    but since I moved to another country to pursue my dream career, I didn't graduate, instead I watched the graduation video with nostalgia.
    NostalgicSpirit NostalgicSpirit 22-25, F Sep 21, 2014

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    Stuck in a horrible rut everything is the same

    nothing changed I'm sick of life. For 6 years now same bedsit still no boyfriend no successful job nothing goes right and and I'm in a vicious circle. Online dating has been disastrous and I have one tiny room to live in a tiny bedsit . Family don't help just brag about their...
    kittykat789 kittykat789 31-35, F Oct 12, 2014

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    Not at all. I really am not okay.

    I'm not. But ask me and I'll tell you I'm just fine. I'm fine. But...I'm not really.
    ImagineA ImagineA 16-17 1 Response Aug 27, 2014

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    When I hear the words come from my girlfriend's

    mouth my heart breaks in two. When I see her wrist and her side I cry inside. I lean down and kiss the cuts I see as many times as I can before she has to leave. It doesn't help though... As soon as she's cone she starts again and it's killing me inside. I cut myself so why...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F Feb 21

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    I love how I say I am not okay

    and then you keep asking me if I am. My answer is still no, I am not okay. When I tell you I am tired of people asking me if I am okay, you turn around and ask me.. I am not okay. Even when I say I am. I am not.
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 22

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    smilingtolie smilingtolie 18-21, F Nov 2, 2014

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    If you wanted honesty that's all you had

    so say. I never thought I'd let you down or have you go "it's better off this way".
    Brimmless Brimmless 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 30, 2014

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    No, no I'm ******* not.

    People would know this if they could be bothered to ask. I need new friends.
    ShatteredSoundwaves ShatteredSoundwaves 22-25, M 2 Responses Jan 19

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    Its pathetic how people think they can comment

    on your profile nasty things or target someone personally. EP is here to post experiences and/or ask for advice or help. Yet people are using it to target people and be nasty or harass the vulnerable. EP needs to change its rules
    HarrietAC HarrietAC 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 7, 2014

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    "Are you ok?" I hear this question at least

    once a day. Three little words, to which the obvious answer is "I'm fine", but I never am. There's no way to tell the people who call themselves my 'friends' how I really feel. I've become an expert at faking that I'm ok, when inside I'm hurting so bad.
    SevenWaysToFakeIt SevenWaysToFakeIt 13-15, F 2 Responses Apr 21, 2014

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    bluegirlie98 bluegirlie98 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 27, 2014

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    When people tell me they're fine,

    whe clearly they're sad, I want to be there for them and talk to them and let them know it's okay to cry. But when I'm sad or upset, I say I'm fine. And all they say is okay. And walk away.
    SomeDepressedTeenx SomeDepressedTeenx 13-15, F 1 Response Dec 4, 2014

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    bluegirlie98 bluegirlie98 16-17, F 4 Responses Nov 15, 2014

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    I Don'T Know How Much Longer I Can Fake It.

    I'm not okay. I've been fighting this darkness for years. I've been fighting myself for years. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. Ha. Either way one side loses and wins every time. It's just which side. The said that says smile through it, you'll make it. Or the side that...
    lalalaarawrr lalalaarawrr 18-21, F Nov 9, 2013

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    Sometimes when I say “I’m okay”,

    what I really want is for someone to hold my hand, look me in the eyes and say “I know that you’re not okay, here is $1000".
    Synthessisong Synthessisong 16-17, F Aug 11, 2014

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    going though surgeries is not easy,

    especially when you're alone.
    NostalgicSpirit NostalgicSpirit 22-25, F Sep 24, 2014

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    I am started off with bad thoughts again.

    .. Thinking about what ifs. What if he killed me what if it wasn't my mom, it was me. What if he ran after me down the street screaming. What if my other brother was a another him and wasn't satisfied with one bruise.. What if he got to me when I barricaded myself in my room...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F 5 days ago

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    So today is not a good day.

    I graduated and every one I know is already in college or preparing to go to college next week and I start late. I have no one to talk to, I can't reach any of my siblings or my best friend. I am so sick of wasting my day by watching stuff online. My ears hurt from listening...
    Shamandora Shamandora 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 18, 2014

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    My dads in the hospital.

    .. His heart is ****** up... I can't keep listening o the words "chest pains again..." My friends are broken and I can't help cause I am the same... My stomach aches cause the cuts that run deep... My mom yells and I can't take it... She's stressed I know.. I am scared they'll...
    LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 20

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    I'm definitely not working my hardest at school

    this year and my grades a suffering because of it
    bluegirlie98 bluegirlie98 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 27, 2014

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    I haven't posted in a while

    so I thought this would be a good time to post. •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• So I am on Christmas break. I got a lot of things and mostly...
    SomeDepressedTeenx SomeDepressedTeenx 13-15, F 1 Response Dec 25, 2014

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    Related Experiences

    I'm so tired of tell people in fine when I'm really not okay ... Everyday someone new asks If I'm okay ... I don know why? Maybe because I have lost the will to fake a smile...
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    "Are you okay?" No. The last time I am really okay was before I met you. Before I became so needy about you. Before I became too worried about you. I could be okay without you...
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    I became clinical depressed when I was 15. I tried to kill myself for the first time when I was 16, after my emotionally abusive boyfriend dumped me. I am 20 years old now, I don't...