calling me fat.
"Really? I'm fat? I had no idea! Is THAT why I can't see my feet when I look down? I'm SO glad you told me. I never would've know I was fat without your help."
just punch them in the jaw .
Seriously , just punch them in the jaw and go get some Beer.
than a sarcastic conversation that goes on and on without a break!! :)
because it's illegal to kill them"
Girl: To see a movie?
Boy: No, to count the seats.
Apparently, I'm not really good at it since people take me seriously and I get into trouble for it.
I replied, "nope we **** in the corner"
say something sarcastic so it's not so awkward. Also once I say the sarcastic remark sometimes people don't understand what I say so they stand there trying to figure out what I said:)
" "You're all I need." "I couldn't live without you."
In school they taught me that i couldn't live without:
My text book never mentioned that guy I liked in 6th period.
I'm pretty sure you can still survive without having someone "love" you...
If the problem is your face. :P
in the dish washer. Maybe next time it'll be your Mac book. Then we can argue. Stfu.
teacher. He was doing attendance and called out my friend's name. He said,
"Is Vanessa here?"
Then I answered, "No she died."
that gets me through my day.
And coffee. Coffee helps too.
and they're like, "Hey, what are you doing here?!" and you're like, "Oh, you know, hunting elephants!" *idiot*
.. did you miss me?"
To which she replies in the bluntest of tones... "Like a cat misses licking it's own arsehole".
Fit's perfectly I'd day
that you're a ******* moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon and i was raised better than that
Me: I mean duhh.. CLOTHES of course
...beware all you sensitive individuals.
where people proclaim their desire to commit suicide.
Okay, that was sarcastic. I'm very sarcastic. So yeah. Sarcasm.
sarcasm...... That's why my Minecraft name is "The_Sarcasmist_"
we're having a company over tonight for dinner.
Daughter/Son: Oh sorry, I didn't know dinner would be held in my bedroom. :O
Mom: Just do it -_-
Person: No, i'm watering it so it'll grow in to a bus.
that through text/computer, it can go unnoticed a lot of times. I try to tone it down when texting but in person, i love being sarcastic
to have a special ability to insult idiots without them realizing :D
Me: nahhhhhh carpet for 97.
that's the shirt you wore the other day, right?"
Yes, *****. This is the shirt I wore the other ******* day. I have this awesome thing at home called a "WASHING MACHINE" you should get one :)
Pessimists say the glass is half empty,
I say 'repeat my drink '
they take life so serious. sometimes you need to laugh even if sarcasm is hurting you inside. just stop being so grumpy.
and laugh! !!
(just don't laugh at me...) hahaha
The highest form of intelligence
apocalypse. I am going to have my brains eaten. But you, you have nothing to worry about.
of other people.
Tell him/her: SET YOURSELF ON FIRE. -_-
that the Internet wasn't around when I was young and did stupid things.
where people who shed tears for the poor are heroes, while businessmen who give them jobs are often villains
People point at their wrist and ask what the time is. It's not as if I point at my crotch and ask where the toilet is.
2. People say, "oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it, too" - well, obviously! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
3. People say, "can I ask you a...
happiness but i always figured
if you had enough money you could have a key made!!
but answer with a dumb answer ... Really obvious questions deserve to be shut down by a joke sorry lol that's who I am ✋☺️
than saying all the things I'd really like to say.
when nobody can tell when you are serious or sarcastic. No, I'm not making fun of you. I totally like you..
especially over the Internet, but I hope it's a cute trait and not a bitchy one haha
New fresh! New start! :)
....(I didn't mean it guys)
breaks every bone in my body and coughs up blood*
friend: OMG ARE YOU OKAY?!!!!? CAN YOU STAND UP?!?! ARE YOU HURT!?!!
ME: Nah I'm fine because I didn't just fall down the stairs and I'm definitely not laying in a puddle of blood. yeah Im perfectly fine -_-