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I Am Sarcastic

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 77,476 People

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    I have to use sarcasm at work,

    because apparently, slapping the hell out of your co-workers is frowned upon by management.
    HeyyMrsCarter HeyyMrsCarter 22-25, F 13 Responses Jul 9, 2015

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    My doctor asked if any members of our family

    suffered from insanity. I replied No, we all seem to enjoy it.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 8 Responses Jan 29

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    I don't have a bucket list,

    but my fucket list is a mile long.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 11 Responses Nov 3, 2015

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    Unine Unine 36-40, F 16 Responses Dec 8, 2015

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    I hate when people say you don't need alcohol

    to have fun. You don't need running shoes to run but it fucken helps.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 14 Responses 5 days ago

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    Chronotis Chronotis 51-55, M 3 Responses Jan 28

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    I'm actually not funny.

    I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 21 Responses Oct 1, 2015

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    Unine Unine 36-40, F 3 Responses Jan 27

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    I'm too old to drop it like it's hot.

    I'm just gonna sit down like it's warm.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    I'm at that age where my mind goes from "I

    probably shouldn't do this" to "**** it, let's see what happens."
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 4 Responses Jan 30

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    Unine Unine 36-40, F 6 Responses Jan 30

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    I'm trying to give up sexual innuendos.

    But it's hard. So hard.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 20 Responses Jan 14

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    Sometimes I hate when people give me

    encouragement. I feel like saying "Shut up I know I can do it, I just don't want to."
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    I'm really not miserable.

    I'm all peace, love and go **** yourself.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Unine Unine 36-40, F 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    Are some people actually born stupid,

    or do they get up early every morning and practice?
    deleted deleted 26-30 24 Responses Apr 25, 2015

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    Thou shall not judge,

    because thou has ****** up before too.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    I kill pride. I hurt feelings.

    Click clack. Bang bang.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 3 Responses Jan 27

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    YouCantEscapeMyDemons YouCantEscapeMyDemons 13-15, M 9 Responses May 14, 2015

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    Menstruation, menopause,

    mental breakdown... ...notice how all women's problems start with Men
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 31 Responses Jan 13

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    And totally dig people

    who understand when I'm being that way and give it to me right back. Quick wit is really sexy on anyone.
    MissCocoGr MissCocoGr 31-35, F 12 Responses Feb 12, 2015

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    If I'm still able to walk to the kitchen

    after sex, you don't deserve a sandwich.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 9 Responses Nov 7, 2015

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    My best friend took this pic

    and I had to share it....some times even the heavens say **** you
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Sep 8, 2015

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    I wanna do bad things to you.

    Like break your ****** neck.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F Jan 30

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    If I comment on your post

    and it could be taken in a couple different ways, always go with sarcasm. Your chances of being wrong are incredibly low.
    scrimshaw scrimshaw 46-50, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into

    your man, just smile really big and ask "Notice anything different?"
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 10 Responses Jan 29

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    Unine Unine 36-40, F 17 Responses Nov 10, 2015

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    "When I think about you,

    I touch myself"... which translates to I rub my temples, because you give me a fukcing migraine.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 14 Responses Nov 23, 2015

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    Unine Unine 36-40, F 10 Responses Nov 5, 2015

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    Unine Unine 36-40, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    "OMG, I'm so ugly!" Yes,

    that's why you have 197 photos in an album called "ME".
    Kittygirl17 Kittygirl17 16-17, F 12 Responses Sep 14, 2015

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    Unine Unine 36-40, F 5 Responses Jan 30

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    Teach your daughters the 7 B's.

    .. Books Before Boys Because Boys Bring Babies
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 3 Responses Jan 28

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    "Some people are alive simply

    because it's illegal to kill them"
    moonblaze moonblaze 22-25, F 11 Responses Sep 15, 2014

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    Yes, I know there's a special place in hell

    for me. It's called the throne.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 6 Responses Jun 4, 2015

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    I'm here on EP only to read about your issues

    and problems to feel better about mine.
    oNanori oNanori 22-25, F 13 Responses Oct 19, 2015

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    Whenever someone says "It's getting hot in

    here", I automatically think "So take off all your clothes."
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 14 Responses Jan 20

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    Person: *washes car* Neighbour: Are you washing

    your car? Person: No, i'm watering it so it'll grow in to a bus.
    DreamingSouls DreamingSouls 16-17, F 8 Responses Oct 17, 2014

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    My attitude is a result of your actions!

    So you don't like my attitude blame yourself!
    xthefeelingsmutualx xthefeelingsmutualx 13-15, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Seriously, I'm fine. No,

    I'm serious, this facial expression does not mean I am stabbing you mentally. What? Me? Want to kill like everyone today? Nah, I'm just overjoyed to see you
    chasetheweirdo8 chasetheweirdo8 13-15, M 2 Responses Feb 19, 2015

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    "Give it to me!" she yelled.

    "I'm so ******* wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    I love the taste of water.

    Especially frozen into cubes and completely surrounded by vodka.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 5 Responses Jan 28

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    "It's what's inside that makes you

    beautiful" *the demon possessing my body blushes*
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny 22-25, F 1 Response Sep 12, 2015

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    Lyra42 Lyra42 13-15, F 2 Responses Jan 30

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    Unine Unine 36-40, F 4 Responses Jan 28

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