I Am Sarcastic

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 78,353 People

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    The most greatest challenge!

    When you're trying to be cool while all people around you are giving you blood pressure.
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    Apr 8

    dear girls. The main use

    for makeup is to make your face look pretty, not to hide it. Sometimes less is more.
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    1 Response Apr 9

    If I'm still able to walk to the kitchen

    after sex, you don't deserve a sandwich.
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    8 Responses Nov 7, 2015

    I agree that I should learn from you how to

    work hard, but you also should learn from me how to relax. XD
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    2 Responses Apr 8

    Hello, make yourself comfortable.

    Ah, please wash your hands before you touch anything. Don't you see how lily white this place is? Please don't taint my home. Also, please watch your step, you don't want to trip over this stick that's sticking out of my ***.
    VioletVivid VioletVivid
    26-30
    Mar 26

    I have to use sarcasm at work,

    because apparently, slapping the hell out of your co-workers is frowned upon by management.
    HeyyMrsCarter HeyyMrsCarter
    22-25, F
    12 Responses Jul 9, 2015

    Over thinking causes depression.

    So to alleviate self infliction of sadness, I've stopped thinking altogether... You're welcome universe, wait universe karma...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Mar 26

    I'm actually not funny.

    I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    18 Responses Oct 1, 2015
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    8 Responses Dec 30, 2015

    I asked her once "imagine

    that you had tow options, either to shoot yourself or to marry me, what would you choose?" She looked at me with her pretty eyes, smiled at me and said " how come there's no options to shoot you?" XD
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    2 Responses Mar 30

    If you're still virgin,

    be proud. if they laugh at you, say " i can be like you overnight, but you'll never be like me again " ;)
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    4 Responses Mar 26

    I don't have a bucket list,

    but my fucket list is a mile long.
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    9 Responses Nov 3, 2015

    Sarcasm is now a language

    that I speak fluently in. It's annoying when there are those times when people don't know I'm being sarcastic. And there are those other times when people don't understand sarcasm and sound serious.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Apr 3

    I might not always crush,

    but when I do, I wear an "I Love Aaron Samuels" t-shirt under all my clothes. ;)
    ERMAHGERD1 ERMAHGERD1
    26-30, F
    1 Response Apr 4
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    9 Responses Feb 26

    Life is so much funnier

    when you have a dirty mind.
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    1 Response Feb 14
    whyacinth whyacinth
    31-35, F
    1 Response Mar 24

    lets make this site friendly to everyone.

    oh wait there are actual bad guys in the world. wat are children doing on here? the solution is very genius. lets shut it down instead of just simply blocking kids from getting on a site we had no flipping idea was for adults. u guys get to lose a wonderful thing while we run...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    5 Responses Mar 31

    My best friend took this pic

    and I had to share it....some times even the heavens say **** you
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    7 Responses Sep 8, 2015

    I'm going to miss EP.

    where else are people going to declare they have poopy pants and complain they can't find love and don't have a gf and get too many unsolicited D pics and what not... where else would we spend countless hours of countless days answering insane and otherwise pointless questions...
    MeowBird MeowBird
    31-35, F
    7 Responses Apr 6

    Are some people actually born stupid,

    or do they get up early every morning and practice?
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    23 Responses Apr 25, 2015

    FYI this is me everyday.

    .. Did you do the dishes no look in the kitchen. Did you clean You're room..yes yes I did.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Apr 8
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    14 Responses Nov 10, 2015

    I think I should tell guys I am man.

    Just so I can't be bothered.Nothing wrong with transgender people.I support them....but it'll be funny to me.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Apr 9
    JustAGayGuyHere JustAGayGuyHere
    13-15, M
    1 Response Apr 11

    this moment when I and she get comfortable to

    each other & have a VERY nice talk and when she take of her clothes and almost take off her bra, then suddenly my roommate shout at me "wake up! We're late!" Seriously! It's sucks. XD
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    Apr 9

    I'm trying to give up sexual innuendos.

    But it's hard. So hard.
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    9 Responses Jan 14

    I've reached the age

    where Happy Hour is a Nap.
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    9 Responses Mar 16
    YouCantEscapeMyDemons YouCantEscapeMyDemons
    16-17, M
    8 Responses May 14, 2015

    We had a nice chat but she blocked me

    after she told she's wet! All what I said was " of course you're wet, let me guess you're in a swimming pool right? ??" I wonder why? ??
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    1 Response Apr 3

    Girls are like glasses,

    once they're broken, well, it's VERY difficult to put them together again. So please be careful with them guys! while guys are like a rubber balls, you can bounce them against walls or floors as long as you like with zero damages, just watch out for nails and sharp edges ladies...
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    3 Responses Mar 28

    "When I think about you,

    I touch myself"... which translates to I rub my temples, because you give me a fukcing migraine.
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    12 Responses Nov 23, 2015

    If I can make at least one person smile,

    or pee their pants a little, then my day was not wasted. XD
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    Apr 9

    "Give it to me!" she yelled.

    "I'm so ******* wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella.
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    9 Responses Feb 7

    *passes you a pill* Here,

    have a chill pill.
    VioletVivid VioletVivid
    26-30
    9 Responses Apr 7

    Yes, I know there's a special place in hell

    for me. It's called the throne.
    FinnyFunny FinnyFunny
    22-25, F
    5 Responses Jun 4, 2015

    Menstruation, menopause,

    mental breakdown... ...notice how all women's problems start with Men
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    23 Responses Jan 13

    See this is what I mean.

    ... I love older men for this very reason, they don't act like ignorant children. Little boys should stick by there mommy's hip until he finds a woman willing to grow him into a man...Ain't nobody my age got time for that!! Blocked
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    4 Responses Apr 12

    And totally dig people

    who understand when I'm being that way and give it to me right back. Quick wit is really sexy on anyone.
    MissCocoGr MissCocoGr
    31-35, F
    7 Responses Feb 12, 2015

    It's all fun and games

    until someone doesn't pick up on the sarcasm.
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    10 Responses Oct 10, 2015

    I'm here on EP only to read about your issues

    and problems to feel better about mine.
    oNanori oNanori
    22-25, F
    9 Responses Oct 19, 2015

    come on EP! all what I want is a date!

    and a coffee. :) the coffee is optional btw. XD
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    Mar 31

    "OMG, I'm so ugly!" Yes,

    that's why you have 197 photos in an album called "ME".
    Kittygirl17 Kittygirl17
    16-17, F
    10 Responses Sep 14, 2015

    My friend asked me once " what's your dream?

    " I answered him " just a simple one, my dream is to live in peace, have a nice job, a loyal wife with an adorable kids, and a comfortable shelter" he gave me this wierd look and said " hey dude! I'm asking you what's your dream not your rights!" I said " well, my dream is to get...
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    Mar 29

    "Some people are alive simply

    because it's illegal to kill them"
    moonblaze moonblaze
    22-25, F
    11 Responses Sep 15, 2014
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    20 Responses Mar 22
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    6 Responses Feb 26

    Who taughten you to spoken inglish?

    Come quick here for twice a seconds please.
    Lee124 Lee124
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Apr 1

    No matter how smart you think you are,

    sarcasm is something everybody can enjoy. But especially the ones who are smarter than you.
    Angelcum Angelcum
    18-21, F
    17 Responses Feb 20, 2015
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    11 Responses Feb 14

    Person: *washes car* Neighbour: Are you washing

    your car? Person: No, i'm watering it so it'll grow in to a bus.
    DreamingSouls DreamingSouls
    16-17, F
    8 Responses Oct 17, 2014

    FYI..... Guys if a girl doesn't respond to your

    inbox, it is because she doesn't want to. Here are some reasons for that: She's not interested. She sees that you have no activity and no friends. She reads some of your past activities and it seems like you are not of mutual intelligence. She thinks you seem a little needy...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    25 Responses Apr 8

    t.v. was much colorful

    when it was black and white. I missed the old days! :)
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    Mar 30

    Relatetothat.com is the new ExperienceProject.

    :| don't know what to think about it yet. Hate the layout and 10 word count to make a posting! Why EP, why?
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    3 Responses Mar 24

    this moment when I and she get comfortable to

    each other & have a VERY nice talk, and when she take off her clothes and almost take off her bra, then suddenly my roommate shout at me "wake up! We're late!" Seriously! It's sucks. ??
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    Apr 9

    generally all people are very kind,

    friendly and nice, it's just my appearance make them moody.
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    1 Response Mar 30

    1 Universe, 8 Planets,

    192 Countries, 180497 Islands, 85 Seas, 7 Billion People, & I'm still single!!! XD
    jouryhiyou jouryhiyou
    31-35, M
    1 Response Mar 29

    You text him, he doesn't text back.

    He was obviously so fecking excited that you texted him, that he fainted.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    11 Responses Mar 18

    Don't tell me I haven't got BALLS.

    I just happen to wear mine on my chest and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours.
    Unine Unine
    36-40, F
    13 Responses Mar 2
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