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I Am Sarcastic

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 60,127 People

    Person: *washes car* Neighbour: Are you washing

    your car? Person: No, i'm watering it so it'll grow in to a bus.
    DreamingSouls DreamingSouls 13-15, F 7 Responses Oct 17, 2014

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    FutileSuperiority FutileSuperiority 22-25 1 Response Dec 10, 2014

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    athenalovlies athenalovlies 18-21, F 11 Responses May 7, 2014

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    Oh, I'm sorry I washed your TITANIUM scissors

    in the dish washer. Maybe next time it'll be your Mac book. Then we can argue. Stfu.
    LifeLacksLuster LifeLacksLuster 22-25, F 5 Responses Aug 21, 2014

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    The problem with being very sarcastic is

    that through text/computer, it can go unnoticed a lot of times. I try to tone it down when texting but in person, i love being sarcastic
    sammy0216 sammy0216 22-25, F 7 Responses Aug 12, 2014

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    IceUpSon19 IceUpSon19 13-15, M 6 Responses a week ago

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    Mom: Hey, go clean up your room,

    we're having a company over tonight for dinner. Daughter/Son: Oh sorry, I didn't know dinner would be held in my bedroom. :O Mom: Just do it -_-
    secret7148 secret7148 16-17, F 3 Responses Dec 31, 2014

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    Lividstone Lividstone 16-17, M 2 Responses Aug 5, 2014

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    In the most syrupy voice he asks "So.

    .. did you miss me?" To which she replies in the bluntest of tones... "Like a cat misses licking it's own arsehole". Fit's perfectly I'd day
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 1 Response Dec 29, 2014

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    LOL

    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 13 Responses Jul 10, 2014

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    I am sarcastic and proud :P who doesn't loves

    to have a special ability to insult idiots without them realizing :D
    beckygg beckygg 18-21, F 9 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    Sarcasm is the biggest thing

    that gets me through my day. And coffee. Coffee helps too.
    meghandanielle meghandanielle 18-21 7 Responses Jan 18

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    I hate it when people ask me: "Hey,

    that's the shirt you wore the other day, right?" Yes, *****. This is the shirt I wore the other ******* day. I have this awesome thing at home called a "WASHING MACHINE" you should get one :)
    SweeterThanToblerone SweeterThanToblerone 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 5

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    I am not looking forward to the zombie

    apocalypse. I am going to have my brains eaten. But you, you have nothing to worry about.
    IncongruousAnne IncongruousAnne 26-30, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    The world is that funny place

    where people who shed tears for the poor are heroes, while businessmen who give them jobs are often villains
    samshungg samshungg 26-30, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    A sense of humor few get.

    Damn it people. :)
    Turningofthetides Turningofthetides 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 28, 2014

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    The true art of sarcasm is

    when nobody can tell when you are serious or sarcastic. No, I'm not making fun of you. I totally like you..
    maddgirl maddgirl 18-21, F 9 Responses May 31, 2014

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    ifaizanm ifaizanm 22-25, M 1 Response Jan 4

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    When people ask me dumb questions I can't help

    but answer with a dumb answer ... Really obvious questions deserve to be shut down by a joke sorry lol that's who I am ✋☺️
    Liveandlovefree Liveandlovefree 22-25, F 4 Responses Nov 29, 2013

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    One good thing about being 50 is

    that the Internet wasn't around when I was young and did stupid things.
    cheersfromaz cheersfromaz 46-50, F 4 Responses Feb 8, 2014

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    When people see you at the grocery store

    and they're like, "Hey, what are you doing here?!" and you're like, "Oh, you know, hunting elephants!" *idiot*
    EmereyTragedy EmereyTragedy 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 30, 2014

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    People say: "oh you're my everything.

    " "You're all I need." "I couldn't live without you." In school they taught me that i couldn't live without: Shelter. Water. Food. Oxygen. Ect. My text book never mentioned that guy I liked in 6th period. I'm pretty sure you can still survive without having someone "love" you...
    BrokenInnocence BrokenInnocence 13-15, F 10 Responses Jan 10

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    megamd megamd 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 24, 2014

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    Sarcasm, the lowest form of wit,

    The highest form of intelligence
    LittleLep LittleLep 26-30, F 2 Responses Sep 19, 2014

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    Remember: You can't face the problem.

    .. If the problem is your face. :P
    secret7148 secret7148 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 31, 2014

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    "Some people are alive simply

    because it's illegal to kill them"
    moonblaze moonblaze 22-25, F 14 Responses Sep 15, 2014

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    It is my second language.

    ...beware all you sensitive individuals.
    Sweetchic5 Sweetchic5 36-40, F 7 Responses Nov 16, 2014

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    Happy New Years Guys!

    New fresh! New start! :) ....(I didn't mean it guys)
    562alex 562alex 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 1

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    Noooooo I'm not sarcastic at all.

    Okay, that was sarcastic. I'm very sarcastic. So yeah. Sarcasm.
    enviouseyes enviouseyes 18-21, F 10 Responses Dec 19, 2014

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    Especially when people try to insult me by

    calling me fat. "Really? I'm fat? I had no idea! Is THAT why I can't see my feet when I look down? I'm SO glad you told me. I never would've know I was fat without your help."
    SerSean SerSean 18-21, M 5 Responses Dec 27, 2014

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    TCL009 TCL009 41-45, F 4 Responses Oct 4, 2014

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    My friend asked me if I had a bathroom,

    I replied, "nope we **** in the corner"
    suicideDepression suicideDepression 13-15, M 1 Response Aug 18, 2014

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    There is not much better

    than a sarcastic conversation that goes on and on without a break!! :)
    SmilesAwaitYou SmilesAwaitYou 31-35, F 16 Responses Nov 28, 2014

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    bbbrrriiiaaan bbbrrriiiaaan 13-15, M Jan 14

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    Oh you have no idea how hilarious I can be with

    sarcasm...... That's why my Minecraft name is "The_Sarcasmist_"
    Lollipop948 Lollipop948 13-15, M Jan 7

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    Boy: Want to go to the cinema?

    Girl: To see a movie? Boy: No, to count the seats.
    DreamingSouls DreamingSouls 13-15, F 9 Responses Sep 1, 2014

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    Sarcasm is needed when: 1.

    People point at their wrist and ask what the time is. It's not as if I point at my crotch and ask where the toilet is. 2. People say, "oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it, too" - well, obviously! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 3. People say, "can I ask you a...
    ThatAwkwardPanda ThatAwkwardPanda 13-15 7 Responses Jun 15, 2014

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    When someone ask you if: How to be HOT in front

    of other people. Tell him/her: SET YOURSELF ON FIRE. -_-
    secret7148 secret7148 16-17, F Jan 7

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    Yesterday in science we had a substitute

    teacher. He was doing attendance and called out my friend's name. He said, "Is Vanessa here?" Then I answered, "No she died."
    chocolategumdrop16 chocolategumdrop16 16-17, F 4 Responses Nov 15, 2014

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    Sometimes when i'm in a awkward place I just

    say something sarcastic so it's not so awkward. Also once I say the sarcastic remark sometimes people don't understand what I say so they stand there trying to figure out what I said:)
    Girlinpink0075 Girlinpink0075 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 15

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    People don't even understand sarcasm anymore.

    they take life so serious. sometimes you need to laugh even if sarcasm is hurting you inside. just stop being so grumpy. and laugh! !! (just don't laugh at me...) hahaha
    danna223 danna223 22-25, F 6 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    Me: *falls down the stairs.

    breaks every bone in my body and coughs up blood* friend: OMG ARE YOU OKAY?!!!!? CAN YOU STAND UP?!?! ARE YOU HURT!?!! ME: Nah I'm fine because I didn't just fall down the stairs and I'm definitely not laying in a puddle of blood. yeah Im perfectly fine -_-
    BrokenInnocence BrokenInnocence 13-15, F 4 Responses Dec 31, 2014

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    yourguardingangel yourguardingangel 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 4

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    ...because it's easier

    than saying all the things I'd really like to say.
    juniper12 juniper12 22-25, F 4 Responses Jun 11, 2014

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    this is why most people hate me

    but I don't mind if you can't take my sarcasm we won't get along anyway
    Mal33ha123 Mal33ha123 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 3

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    Waitress : table for two?

    Me: nahhhhhh carpet for 97.
    BrokenInnocence BrokenInnocence 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 10

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    I'm such a *****. I roll my eyes at posts

    where people proclaim their desire to commit suicide.
    dreamingoptimist dreamingoptimist 22-25, F 7 Responses Dec 15, 2014

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    I am a bit of a sarcastic troll.

    Trolling is the fine art of using witty humour to challenge other people's' intelligence. And I am proud to say that I enjoy making clever jokes. Anything else is rather dull and not worth the effort! haha
    russianprincessdoll russianprincessdoll 18-21, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    That moment when: Someone: what are you wearing?

    Me: I mean duhh.. CLOTHES of course
    secret7148 secret7148 16-17, F 2 Responses Jan 7

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    I use sarcasm because flat out telling you

    that you're a ******* moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon and i was raised better than that
    CanYouHearTheSilence CanYouHearTheSilence 13-15, T 3 Responses Aug 27, 2014

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    If some one breaks your trust ,

    just punch them in the jaw . Seriously , just punch them in the jaw and go get some Beer.
    samshungg samshungg 26-30, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    People say that money is not the key to

    happiness but i always figured . . . if you had enough money you could have a key made!!
    samshungg samshungg 26-30, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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