before I send them, because I rarely say something that's not hilarious.
and problems to feel better about mine.
and I had to share it....some times even the heavens say **** you
everyone assumes I'm mean, yet that's besides the point. sarcasm isn't mean it's just a way of interaction. you assume too much and get hurt from your own conclusion you're jumping to.
to have fun.
You don't need running shoes to run but it fucken helps.
.. Books Before Boys Because Boys Bring Babies
that's why you have 197 photos in an album called "ME".
Person: No, i'm watering it so it'll grow in to a bus.
sarcasm is something everybody can enjoy.
But especially the ones who are smarter than you.
if I'm being sarcastic or I'm just a *****!
"I'm so ******* wet, give it to me now!"
She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella.
that could have been wine.
I'm serious, this facial expression does not mean I am stabbing you mentally. What? Me? Want to kill like everyone today? Nah, I'm just overjoyed to see you
or do they get up early every morning and practice?
I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.
after sex, you don't deserve a sandwich.
encouragement. I feel like saying "Shut up I know I can do it, I just don't want to."
because apparently, slapping the hell out of your co-workers is frowned upon by management.
So you don't like my attitude blame yourself!
*the demon possessing my body blushes*
...notice how all women's problems start with Men
and it could be taken in a couple different ways, always go with sarcasm. Your chances of being wrong are incredibly low.
It's called the throne.
who understand when I'm being that way and give it to me right back. Quick wit is really sexy on anyone.
because it's illegal to kill them"
than a bad boy??
A badass man who has his **** together.
that I don't put enough gas in my car when we go out to eat. So I went to a Gas Station and we ate snacks there. 2 birds with 1 stone. #GasStationDating
Like break your ****** neck.
Especially frozen into cubes and completely surrounded by vodka.
. people take me seriously and take it all up the *** haha
your man, just smile really big and ask "Notice anything different?"
tubes of hemorrhoid cream?
suffered from insanity. I replied No, we all seem to enjoy it.
but my fucket list is a mile long.
What's the best one liner you have used to shut someone down?