I Am Screaming In Pain Inside While Being Calm Outside

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,032 People

    Inside I'm tormented

    while outside I appear fine. I've gotten way to good at pretending it doesn't hurt that sometimes I even forget about the cuts that line my arms and the bruises on my heart. Right now as the tears drip down my face I can't ignore the reality of the situation I'm in anymore. I...
    blahlahblah599 blahlahblah599
    18-21, F
    Aug 6, 2014

    I So Sorry Mom

    4 years ago DEC 17 ..I lost  much of my world and stepped into another..I lost my mom in an accident in which I let her drive..I was thrown about and suffered  very serious head and body injuries I lost my hearing ..I loved playing cello...i  no longer play cello...
    rbrponylezli rbrponylezli
    31-35, M
    8 Responses Dec 17, 2008
    jack912 jack912
    22-25, M
    2 Responses Oct 25, 2014

    I think that almost everyone

    who knows me thinks I'm always happy, calm and not very sentimental or easily moved. I'd even been told by a few friends that I have a boyish personality hah. They can't be more wrong... Underneath my "mask" I am probably one of a most sensitive and sentimental people I know. I...
    littleayeaye littleayeaye
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jan 17, 2014

    People's words hurt so badly .

    Saying that I'm lazy and I don't care about any one and being bullied and all that . My heart is paining I can feel the pain it hurts so badly but I neither can cry nor scream I'm just calm feeling all this pain and acting as something never was . I don't treat myself as a...
    Silentsuffer Silentsuffer
    16-17, F
    May 20, 2014

    Most of the Time.

    mine is physical pain, but still invisible. my muscles and joints have been in constant and increasing pain for months now. the best diagnoses doctor's have been able to come up with are "fibromyalgia" for muscle pain and "some sort of arthritis" for joint...
    journeyfulloflaughter journeyfulloflaughter
    26-30, F
    15 Responses Dec 28, 2007

    My Anger Inside Me.

    When I get really angry or frustrated with someone or something (which happens to be very often), I tend to stay calm around that time. But before I go to sleep I think about what had upset me and anger builds up inside me. It sometimes gets to the point where I can't take it...
    elivasquez elivasquez
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 29, 2013
    Lilred17 Lilred17
    18-21, F
    1 Response Sep 16, 2014

    You Never Look Into My Eyes.. Are You Afraid of What You'll See?

    On the outside, always calm, always smiling.. never let your guard down and never falter. Never show anything but contentness and joy. The perfect hostess in a way, no?  Cater to everyone, soothe their wounds while hiding your own scars from the prying eyes.  Never...
    kittenoftheblade kittenoftheblade
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Sep 27, 2008

    Don'T Worry About Me

    i'm very clam on the outside and a chaotic mess on the inside. i'm a drug addict who's recovering and schizoaffective on top of that. i have little friends i hang out with, and the friends i do hang out with are all meth heads. i can't take my pain for the most part. and suicide...
    Spilled Spilled
    22-25, F
    1 Response Mar 20, 2013

    At Least I Have Been The Past Few Days.

    I hate to complain about physical..or emotional pain..but damnit I hurt. I have Rheumatoid arthritis and the past flare up I couldn't even type! I have ovarian cysts that make me scream out and fall to my knees. But I only let that out when I'm alone. I hate to tell...
    luckypickle luckypickle
    16 Responses Oct 31, 2009


    If you look at me, you see an outgoing, loud, happy kid. but look just a little deeper, and you would see a creature like no other. For those that saw little nemo as a kid, imagine The Nightmare but 10x worse... If anger and hatred would take a solid form and leave me, it would...
    deleted deleted
    Sep 9, 2013
    loveumybabyliam loveumybabyliam
    18-21, F
    May 3, 2015
    xxalicerosexx xxalicerosexx
    18-21, F
    1 Response Oct 19, 2014

    I've lost so many things in my life

    that are piercing my soul to this day. I never had a father to support me, my grandfather died years ago after my birthday, I've lost many great friends, and I've lost the love of my life. I can't believe I was able to live through these things for so long.
    BloodFanatic BloodFanatic
    18-21, M
    1 Response May 20, 2014

    He left me. He did . I was crazy in love with

    him and now i am screaming inside and dying in pain. He got married and was left alone here. So lonely and tired of everything. Please if you are going to say you will find someone better don't bother putting a comment
    Boombutterflyeffect Boombutterflyeffect
    16-17, F
    1 Response Oct 1, 2015

    I never should've told you how I felt about you.

    I should've just kept quiet and lied because I made myself look like an idiot by telling you that I love you and all you said was ok. I'm just going to focus on myself and leave you alone. I'm sorry that I care about you, but oh well....
    fallout07 fallout07
    18-21, F
    1 Response Oct 21, 2014

    Inside, I'm screaming,

    but if you were to look at me, you would find a smile. On the outside, my face holds no emotion, but in the inside, I'm bursting with it. I pretend it doesn't hurt, but in reality, it's torture. I try to stay strong, but I always reach for that knife.
    TheOneAndOnlyZella TheOneAndOnlyZella
    16-17, F
    1 Response Jul 19, 2014

    I am in love with someone.

    She is my closest friend and she knows. She has a boyfriend whom she seems to care a great deal about. Even as a friend, i feel like an outsider... She treats all her other friends differently than she does me. I don't know if I can trust her or If I can. She seems to forgot I...
    tytimmy tytimmy
    22-25, M
    Aug 31, 2015
    UnconditionallyGone UnconditionallyGone
    18-21, M
    2 Responses Oct 19, 2014
    lalagibson99 lalagibson99
    41-45, F
    Aug 10, 2014

    Drowning in my own sadness

    when u just look and walk away y do u walk away when I need u the most can't u tell I'm hurt on the inside can't u tell i need my mom to be there for me but u walk away why what did I do all i want is u to love me I'm sorry I'm not like my sister or brother I'm sorry my birth...
    alina10912 alina10912
    18-21, F
    Jan 7, 2014

    Truth is, I fall to hard,

    to fast when I care about someone and it always backfires. I thought I had finally met someone that cared about me but I guess I was wrong. Ik it's not true but I blame myself for being a worthless piece of **** that doesn't deserve happiness even though I know I'm being hard on...
    fallout07 fallout07
    18-21, F
    1 Response Sep 1, 2014

    Honestly just done with everything.

    Really considering walking out of class because I don't want to be here and can't deal with anything right now.
    fallout07 fallout07
    18-21, F
    1 Response Sep 15, 2014

    I Sometimes Scream

    I have been diagnosed with PTSD due to adverse experiences. I often feel very bothered and I am not sure why. I feel as though I must have such little faith in order to be so bothered when I should feel the calm that I used to get by having faith. I often feel like being hyper...
    Eriniserin Eriniserin
    1 Response Jan 29, 2013

    Anger and sadness built up inside turns to hurt.

    Everyday I put on a fake smile to cover up I can't cry. I've bottled up my emotions for so long crying just never happens. You make me happy I could never be mad at you I love you as a best friend superman. I will be your shoulder to cry on and I will be strong for you Because...
    Lilred17 Lilred17
    18-21, F
    Sep 16, 2014

    When Will I Be Pain Free?

    I am in pain, what the hell is new.  My legs are killing me again, it didn't stop and doesn't seem to stop.  I am constantly on a rollercoaster.  I don't know if its fun being a woman when someone is constantly in pain due to women stuff or non on women stuff.
    Whateverrrrr Whateverrrrr
    36-40, F
    1 Response Mar 18, 2012

    Me I Guess

    I only a youngen. Well thats what others say. The tell me I do not know anything about real life..But the truth is I do. Im a 16.I've been selfharming since I was a eleven the only people who ever helped have left me sitting in the dust like my parents did when they used...
    starsandscares starsandscares
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Mar 28, 2010

    For who I am and how I act,

    I think about my death every day. But I always smile, speak with a soft voice, and be nice... I hate it so much.
    WinterSkyout WinterSkyout
    18-21, F
    Aug 10, 2014

    Today I felt like my heart was going to rupture

    from all the panic and terror and heartbreak but I looked at him and told him it was okay. He believed me. Then I went home and cried until my ribs hurt.
    Iamsad1234 Iamsad1234
    18-21, F
    Aug 30, 2014

    Life is becoming unbearable.

    ..and I just don't know what to do next...the worst part is I don't know how to let people in...our house is about to be auctioned a house with so many memories...my family is falling apart and being the peace guru that I am am trying so hard to make people laugh and talk... On...
    CurvyandChic CurvyandChic
    22-25, F
    Aug 6, 2014

    Just So You Know...

    I want you to know that I was dragged to hell by him. He didn't force me. I was a volunteer prey .... like twilight quotes, "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…What a stupid lamb. What a sick, masochistic lion." So, don't ask me the address to the streets of hell as if...
    EmotionJammer EmotionJammer
    22-25, F
    1 Response Aug 23, 2013

    Sometimes words hurt.

    Sometimes they make people want to kill themselves. It hurts them so much that they would rather take their own life. I grabbed a knife and held it up to my chest before. I grabbed a razor and pressed it against my wrist before. I stared at a pair of scissors while silent tears...
    callmedemonchild callmedemonchild
    16-17, F
    3 Responses Jun 22, 2014

    The Pain Still Remains...

    I felt something very different recently... It wasn't pain, it wasn't sadness, In fact I'm not too sure what it was but it was something and I liked that feeling. It had came from a person but this person who was there before now I feel is gone. Now that they are gone that...
    dejin1 dejin1
    22-25, M
    3 Responses Jun 6, 2011

    My Son

    I let him down and now iv lost him, I'm trying to get him back, I stay strong on the outside but inside I'm dying, screaming, crying, heartbroken, a mess, lost, feel guilty, sad, hopeless. I miss him I just want him home and to be given another chance I'm not the only parent to...
    Carla808 Carla808
    22-25, F
    May 4, 2013

    So it's actually over between me

    and him. Words can't explain how much I miss him. We haven't text for 1 week and 2 days. And I miss him so much, I miss texting, talking to him and hugging him. When I'm at school I'm distracted so that's good but when I'm home especially on Friday and Saturday I start thinking...
    maria0112 maria0112
    18-21, F
    Dec 1, 2013

    Have You Ever

    Felt like inside you collapsed inside and were wanting to cry and scream, but couldn't on the outside. That's how I feel.
    drcynic drcynic
    26-30, M
    3 Responses Dec 27, 2007

    I can't help but miss the days

    when I had dreams and aspirations...I let them go and live empty and tortured in limbo. I see that picture of me with my jest skateboard and weep inside. I want to dream and be as alive as I was then.
    deleted deleted
    Jun 20, 2015
    loveumybabyliam loveumybabyliam
    18-21, F
    May 3, 2015

    Physical, Emotional, Hell Even Spiritual

    I don't know why, scratch that I know exactly why, I just hate the fact that I can't seem to break the cycle of not showing pain. My face always remain that calm mask despite the tormenting physical pain my body goes through on a daily basis. Extreme physical pain only seems to...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response May 29, 2012

    I Am...Calm. Too Calm.

    I feel emotionless. I feel like my veins are running cold, and my body is stiff yet limp. I feel..........weird. I feel weak, and low energy. I feel broken, and numb. I feel like I have nothing to say. I am not hungry, not thirsty, I feel sick. I am hurting and paranoid and...
    NotTheAmericanAveragexx NotTheAmericanAveragexx
    18-21, F
    Nov 1, 2013
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