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I Am Screaming In Pain Under This Smile

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 549 People

    I'll be honest, I can't

    even fake the smile anymore......
    misslonelyplanet misslonelyplanet 31-35, F Apr 5

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    They Can't Understand

    I've accepted that life is pain a long time ago. I figured that my family doesn't need any of the pain that I let myself carry. Somehow it feels right that they should live as close to paradise as possible. So every single thing in the world hurts me. I hate it the same way a...
    hurts2much hurts2much 18-21, F Aug 6, 2010

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    I living with someone I love them

    and we have a child together but I feel like just want be my own . I can't deal living people 24/7 but I don't what I meant to do for the best I don't want hurt anyone but I feel dead inside
    DarkSide1986 DarkSide1986 22-25, F Jul 12

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    Yes I Am...

    This smile on my face has been painted on. The pain underneathe is what I am feeling. This Smile is to lead you on That everything is okay, and that the smile is what I am feeling.   However, can you see past the smile Try looking into my eyes Is that a real...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Nov 19, 2010

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    I Am Screaming In Pain Under This Smile

    most of the times i will be smilling not because i will be happy but i hide my pain under the smile.i wish i could have a real smile without any pain
    lucreatia lucreatia 22-25 1 Response Mar 13, 2012

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    Underneath all this happiness

    and acting and pretending I'm always ok, I'm actually dying inside. Slowly dying. Faster than others. But I'm dying. Cuz of the pain
    Britt199b Britt199b 16-17, F Jul 12

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    Look At My Smile And Ignore The Running Mascara

    I had been crying all morning as soon as a got to school the mascras wiped away and the smiles put on. "are you ok?" Im fine how can so many lies be in two small words how can so much pain be masked with those words and a simple smile. and if I let you in you tell me im a lier...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Feb 27, 2010

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    I'm sick of pretending I want to live.

    Or I have something to live for. Pretty sure my boyfriend hates me. My parents like my sister more. I have no drive to do anything anymore. I was supposed to work today, didn't show up. My boss texted me. Pretty sure I'm gonna get fired. I don't really give a **** tho. That's...
    madsgrammar madsgrammar 16-17, F Jul 12

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    Nobody ever sees me faking a smile.

    .. They think its all true. They're wrong. Behind this smile is a girl broken as if she was stabbed bit by bit by the people around her. They make sudden judgements, it makes me want to scream at them. Tell them that they've always been wrong and ask them why they ever judge...
    PureLies PureLies 13-15, F Mar 18

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    I know you pretend I'm not anymore.

    ..you treat me like a stranger...but i miss you...we had it all...but you let me fall...i miss you...maybe i just miss the feeling of seeing the one i love everyday. The feeling of lips touching mine...arms around me...i was safe. Being hand in hand that was the best...i was safe...
    LaBellaRosaLuna LaBellaRosaLuna 18-21, F Jan 9

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    So long.... So long in agony.

    I play the clown for all to see. I smile therefore I must be ok. No one cares that the clown is dying inside. But that's ok .... My friends need a clown and I do anything for them. It's ok, just so they remember me when they move on.
    popuptarget popuptarget 46-50, M Mar 8

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    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhj!

    !!!!! I hate my job!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh life sucks right now!!!! Just venting
    IloveLife14 IloveLife14 31-35, F Jan 12

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    No One Sees.

    Everyone is blind. That the smile is fake, the screams are real. Just because there's not tears, doesn't means my heart isn't crying. Because I am stable and strong on the out, doesn't mean I'm not falling apart to pieces inside. Walk away your oblivious self, ignore me and my...
    LoveLindseyMusic420 LoveLindseyMusic420 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 26, 2010

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    Unable To Breathe

    i am sick of this constant struggle just to breathe. I am sick of the constant feeling of wanting to scream until my voice is hoarse and my throat is a bloody mess. Sometimes i wish i could just scream while i am in a big group of people and just leave. I dont know why i even try...
    flyingabyss flyingabyss 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 13, 2011

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    Laugh , Laugh , Laugh

    The saying goes 'If you dont laugh you'll cry" thats been my life since , I honestly dont remember , I laugh alot lately and its not real laughter either you dont know how much I wish it was , My friend said to me yesterday "Hope your laugh has changed , its so different then it...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    No Knows

    Only my friends know what i feel but they don't understand it.....most of my friends i don't even tell....i go to school like a normal kid.....i laugh....i bord all the time....everyone thinks i nice....thinks im afraid to do anything....well there wrong under neath this fake...
    Suekru Suekru 16-17, T 2 Responses Mar 15, 2011

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    No One Notices

    It's amazing that no one can see under the false smile now a days. I grin, smile, and laugh with all of my friends, but I feel it clawing to escape. That need to scream to everyone in earshot "Can't you people see that I still struggle not to cut?!?!?! Can't you see that I wish I...
    CowgirlMagic CowgirlMagic 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 14, 2011

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    A Smile On The Outside....

    This smile on my face has been painted on. The pain underneathe is what I am feeling. This Smile is to lead you on That everything is okay, and that the smile is what I am feeling.   However, can you see past the smile Try looking into my eyes Is that a real...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Feb 17, 2010

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    Cleansed

    I was scrubbed clean There was nothing left My dignity gone My body wrecked I angered her With what he did She set it up And then she hid Behind excuses She made for them Animals fed on me Time and again We had a name For this game we played So none would know What was taken...
    SecretBrokenDoll SecretBrokenDoll 36-40, F 5 Responses Feb 24, 2012

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    A Quote I Found

    "I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the...
    AliceinWonderland121 AliceinWonderland121 16-17, F 1 Response Apr 25, 2010

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    Broken, Crushed, And Dead

    This guy and I...we were gonna be together. He said he'd fight for me and stay with me...he loved me, I loved him. Idk what I did wrong...but he told me last night he didn't love me like that. "We can still be friends though!!"-him...yea, right. That's like someone killing my dog...
    TrappedAbs TrappedAbs 18-21, F Jul 28, 2013

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    WILL I EVER GET BACK

    Those sweet looks of yours.. that mesmerize me... Those cute talks of yours... that edicts me.. Those smartest flirts of yours.. that makes me feel great... Those naughty words of yours... that kills me... will i ever get them back??
    chinnu56 chinnu56 18-21, F Jul 25, 2013

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    Haters

    Under this sarcastic, silly smile I am screaming.  I am screaming,"HELP ME!  SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!  WHY AM I ALONE?  WHAT DID I DO TO YOU TO MAKE YOU HATE ME?"  I try to be as friendly and nice as possible.  I don't know where I go wrong.  I...
    BBUDS BBUDS 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 24, 2010

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    Then There Is Me...

    There is me. I am the strong one. Depend on me. Look to me. Talk to me. My advice is sound. Nay, stellar. I never panic or raise my voice. My temperament is stoic, as a lighthouse in a storm. You won’t see me lose it with the antagonists. Won’t see me cry with the...
    SecretBrokenDoll SecretBrokenDoll 36-40, F 12 Responses Oct 9, 2011

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    Facing The World

    wipe the tears, put the smile on, and get ready to face the world :P that's me everyday, but it's always better when someone's there to talk to.... but i'm alone again ^^ guess that's just the way things are supposed to be.... I sometimes find someone to talk to, but they always...
    turtlefudgecakes turtlefudgecakes 18-21, F 2 Responses May 22, 2011

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    Fake Smile

    when i was seven my mom lost her job at a factory because it moved to mexico.so my mom found a job waitressing at a pub and grill. she also started to drink more heavily so did my dad. my mom worked every day till closing but the manager and her would stay till later and drink. i...
    lullababy lullababy 13-15, F Jul 26, 2010

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    I Dont Understand It.

    My lifes getting better but yet I still wanna scream! I still have to force a smile on my face everyday! I want to scream in fustration that others dont understand me!!! But I smile happily and laugh and though you wont ever see it, Im screaming.
    deleted deleted 26-30 Aug 20, 2010

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    Practice made perfect

    when I'm forced into keeping others from seeing what's behind my smile
    SurpriseMeToday SurpriseMeToday 18-21, F Apr 5

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    Pain

    I hide my pain behind a smile! I go around smiling and I seem so happy but I'm actually dying inside! I cut myself, and beat myself up, and i seem ok! Tht smile I give everyone! It's fake and forced! I say I'm fine when im not so I don't become a bother or a burden! I've always...
    Ellias95 Ellias95 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 21, 2013

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    DepressedKidd DepressedKidd 13-15, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Just A Poem...

    This smile on my face has been painted on. The pain underneathe is what I am feeling. This Smile is to lead you on That everything is okay, and that the smile is what I am feeling.   However, can you see past the smile Try looking into my eyes Is...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 16, 2010

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    F*cking Sick Of Everything...

       I am really sick of all the bullshit... Some "friends" of mine are always taking me down >_< They always judge me for what I like, for what I do, for what I listen to, for what I watch, etc, and they sometimes start playing bad jokes on me. The thing is, it has always been...
    Nervly Nervly 16-17, M 2 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    I Dont Know What To Do Anymore :( Someone Please Help...

    Anxiety. One seven letter word that ruins everything for me. That discusting feeling in my stomach, that feeling that means i need to cut. As soon as I start to bleed some of that pain just pours out with my blood and the more I cut the better it feels untill next time when i...
    SomeonePleaseHelpMe SomeonePleaseHelpMe 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 6, 2012

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    Abused,raped,neglected,forgotten

    My 1st  father never wanted me. As soon as he found out that my mother was pregnant, he ran for the hills. Then before i was even living a year, she married my 2nd father. He started hitting her first. She thought that as long as he was hitting her he wasn't hitting...
    princessofpunk princessofpunk 13-15, F 3 Responses Jul 17, 2010

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    It's All An Act

    It is all an act!!  scream in agony under this facade of a smile. I scream in pain under this happy face! I have been doing this for years and that is my life, Hide all the pain, agony, and suffering, under a happy face. The pain gets worse as the day goes on, and every day is...
    lingerieme lingerieme 51-55, M 1 Response Aug 19, 2011

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    Always Pretend I Am Fine....

    When I am anything but. I have a horrible homelife and have a difficult relationship with both my parents, particularly my mother. My job with kids is good for me but also incredibly stressful at times. After a difficult day, all I want is for someone to talk to, someone who will...
    Jenni855 Jenni855 26-30, F Oct 9, 2011

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    Just...

    ...sometimes. I'm often ready to burst into tears under this smile, and sometimes I do. I once saw God, Himself, as I was walking home back when I lived in my parents' house eight miles from here and I recall every detail of His miracle. I stopped across the street when I...
    eleanorssong eleanorssong 56-60, F Nov 3, 2011

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    Lets Play Pretend

    I smile I laugh and giggle I pretend that every things fine when no one knows that I'm crying and screaming underneath that I'm in so much pain and all I can do is smile and I hope someone will realize how much pain I'm in but how will that happen if I keep playing pretend...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Feb 16, 2010

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    Little Girls Room

    I've said a lot somewhere else about this. If I have to be somewhere public it is so hard to not look strained. In my head I'm screaming and have this intense overpowering feeling I need to flee. Panic attack I'm told. I would hide in the bathroom stall for as long as I could...
    2rustno1 2rustno1 36-40 2 Responses Mar 29, 2012

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    New Beginnings

    I just want the injustice to end. We have all the documented proof. There is no need for them to continue to fight. They have already lost and the war has barely begun. Three years is long enough. It is time for justice to prevail. We are ready to move on to new beginnings. We...
    Legalities Legalities 46-50, F Aug 3, 2010

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    I loved him.... He is an alcoholic

    and he hurts me but I can't stay away from him and the joy and pain he brings into my life. Why do I always fall in love with the ones who hurt me? I smile so no one knows how much he is hurting me. I just can't stay away. I love him now and forever.
    ridme ridme 22-25, F 2 Responses Apr 23

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    Big Smiles -- People confuse me.

    I put on a front, a bubbly, happy young adult with all the opportunities in the world before her, a young woman who is grateful for-- sorry, this is all a cheap front. I mirror people, show them what they want because I know the truth they will not be able to handle. I laugh...
    CharlotteKitten CharlotteKitten 18-21, T Dec 20, 2013

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    I can't remember the last time I was actually

    happy. I'm quite remarkable at feigning happiness and content, but in all honesty, I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. My family has never been one to get mushy and emotional, so having real feelings that go against the ebb and flow of the household isn't much of an...
    wallflower817 wallflower817 18-21 Jul 23

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    Scream No One Will Hear You

    Smile no one will see what your hiding behind it laugh no one will know what your really thinking giggle pretend your ok and no one will think different. But im not ok I wanna scream and cry I want someone to know how I feel I want them to tell me it'll be ok even if I dont...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Mar 30, 2010

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    AllLoveXOXO AllLoveXOXO 18-21, M Feb 16

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    Inside, I'm screaming, but if you were to look at me, you would find a smile. On the outside, my face holds no emotion, but in the inside, I'm bursting with it. I pretend it...
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    Bright colors yet to be painted everywhere.. the beige-grey walls of my spinning, humming prison cell screaming out to me, beckoning my senses in seductive whispers and commanding...
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    Julia :) I dont know if I can write a post worthy of you. You have been an awesome friend...though you are gone for the summer, I hope you read this when you return and it can...
    popuptarget popuptarget 46-50, M 2 days ago

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    The very first day I had my period, I had just turned twelve a week before. My parents birthday gift to me was to trust me walking around town alone for a set time, and then...
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    My mom says I'm "too nice" to people. She thinks I help people often more than they help me. I think she fears I'm being used or played. But I just can't stand to see anyone in...
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    There was once a time where I smile my brightest. Nowadays, not so much. Whenever I did smile, I always end up heartbroken, disappointed, or hurt some time later, not shortly...
    bkf2 bkf2 22-25, M Jul 22

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