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I Am Secretly Depressed

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,590 People

    I'm tired of pretending

    that I'm happy when I'm actually depressed. I try so hard to keep my "I'm happy" face on all day so I don't have the very few people who care about me to worry. Then, I just let out all my tears at night when I hope no one can hear me. But I just feel horrible all the time.
    Lcy2472 Lcy2472 13-15, F Jul 20, 2015

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    EP turned out to be a joke.

    I let my guard down and let someone in just to be judged, played, and crapped on......Thanks....really needed that.
    Mike14inPA Mike14inPA 18-21, M 2 Responses Jan 19

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    I think i may be depressed.

    ..i have no close friends at all despite all efforts to make ones(all i get is just fellow workmates/churchmates but not close friends)...and i always cry whenever am alone in my room because i have no one to talk to. now days i just find my self crying unknowingly.
    fairy2015 fairy2015 26-30, F Nov 9, 2015

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    Sumtimes I think its like mental.

    I will have a good day with ppl but then when im home i just like get riduculously lonley and feel like crap alot. freinds r getting tired of it too but sometimes its like i cant help it and its for no reason at all. People dont no cuz i act happy alot around them, i date lots...
    KrystalHi KrystalHi 13-15, F May 13, 2015

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    I don't know what to do.

    I'm still being checked for scars, but it's not helping. My eyes are heavy but I can't cry. I can't cut. I feel too bad. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to therapy or called the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. So what should I do to help the pain go away?
    AveiraAmaria AveiraAmaria 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 1, 2015

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    I've honestly been fighting this

    for so long and well now I might as well be honest about it...people wonder why I quit school some get angry some just question my decision well here it is, when I was younger I was abused...thrown down stairs pushed against walls smacked even kicked while I was down... I was...
    lonelydancergirl lonelydancergirl 22-25, F 1 Response Dec 12, 2015

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    Unhappy With Where You Are?

    Where we are in life is exactly where we want to be. Not necessarily because it's what we want but because it's good enough. When good enough isn't good enough anymore THAT'S when we start living :)
    maxximiliann maxximiliann 36-40, M 2 Responses Apr 20, 2012

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    I Have to Put On a Brave Face

    It's hard but someone has to do it and in these cases, it has to be me. I've been depressed since Hurricane Katrina, I packed up what I could and we all headed for the open road and didn't really know where we were going. Since Katrina, so much has happened. An event that should...
    Dimples87 Dimples87 26-30, F 12 Responses Jul 14, 2008

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    I wake up everyday and try to smile about my

    situation. It's not easy and most days I fail. I just can't seem to find peace and move on from this baggage that continues to hold me down. I really need to separate myself and make changes. Easier said then done. Any advice?
    wise0025 wise0025 22-25, M 1 Response Sep 28, 2015

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    People think I am strong

    but deep down inside.. I'm just pretend to be strong. I'm laughing when I'm nervous. I'm always laugh to cover what's inside my head.
    arkhamel arkhamel 31-35, F 4 Responses Dec 11, 2014

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    The problem with depression is.

    .. -You know you'll be ok, but you still feel awful. -You know people love you, but it doesn't feel like they do.
 -You know doing something will make you feel better, but you just don't know how to.
 -You want to be well, but you just can't seem to get there.
    Shygirl917 Shygirl917 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 13, 2014

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    My family doesn't understand

    why I act the way I do sometimes because they don't see how depressed I am feeling. I have been lonely and sad in the past, and have gotten used to it, but inside I feel so much worse than any of those times. Mostly, I have no one to talk to or trust with my feelings...I want...
    MaroonMandy19 MaroonMandy19 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 13, 2014

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    I was cleaning my brushes.

    You know what one does when they have to because when you have acne you NEED make up. My dad was like teasing me and I could feel myself getting defensive. Then he kept going on and ONNNNN. The things he said was: "Look you don't need it like I do." "See if you eat circus you'd...
    LoveisBeautiful5013 LoveisBeautiful5013 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 18

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    No one knows. No one needs to know.

    I've been secretly depressed for a year now. Way too many things have been happening in my so far short life. But, I won't tell anyone, because my mother would cry, my sister would feel responsible, my brother's just...no and my dad wouldn't understand. Anyone else feel like...
    Ai101 Ai101 22-25, F 3 Responses Aug 19, 2015

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    a long time ago i was at my best friend.

    and her husband's home with my other best friend, all the kids were there and we were drinking. usually my one would get buzzed and the other drunk (the married one) and i would stay sober. we always stayed over on these nights. one day, they insisted they wanted to see how i...
    Breeze82b Breeze82b 31-35, F May 19, 2015

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    For a while now, I haven't been able to wake up

    without feeling sad. I've been smoking weed every day and drinking much more frequently to try and make this go away, but every time I sober up, there's depression waiting for me. Some of it might be caused by things in my life, but honestly I just think there's something wrong...
    Dudeickle Dudeickle 31-35, M 1 Response Sep 19, 2015

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    i wish I didn't **** everything Up I'm just a

    terrible person who should die no one thinks that im actually sensitive but I am my boss made me cry today and I didn't do anything wrong to get yelled at and my gf wants a break I'm just drowning in pain and tears my anxiety is really bad right now
    bisexualboy02 bisexualboy02 18-21, M Jul 17, 2015

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    I want to tell but I just can't.

    It's so hard to hide it but I have to.
    happytobeanon happytobeanon 13-15, F 2 Responses Aug 24, 2014

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    I constantly think about laying in the water

    until it takes me somewhere nice n peaceful...
    NormalWeirdo NormalWeirdo 26-30, F Sep 8, 2015

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    I always thought people could tell

    that I was insecure and depressed, but I have a mask that I put on and everyone says I look perfect. You can almost never tell that I'm depressed I always wear a big smile to hide the pain. I can't kill myself, everytime I think about committing suicide, I think of all of the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jun 24, 2015

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    I wish someone in real life would

    even be interested in me. It seems like I'm invisible to everyone :/
    Mselisa Mselisa 18-21, F 19 Responses May 3, 2015

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    Sometimes when I'm really depressed

    and I'm almost at my limit. I listen to this song and I try to calm myself down. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK42Jgs9GTY
    Xemplefied Xemplefied 26-30, M 1 Response May 28, 2015

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    I keep looking at my phone,

    but there's nothing there. Nothing to fill this emptiness.
    kg54933 kg54933 26-30, F Aug 18, 2015

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    The other day in class,

    I remember a girl very loudly declaring, "Well I think suicide is stupid, and that the people who do it are dumb and selfish." This girl is the richest person I know, and she is both pretty and popular. And in that moment, all I wanted to do was ask her, "What do you know? Do...
    MeganeChan MeganeChan 13-15, F Jun 18, 2015

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    I'm that person who can make you laugh,

    I'm that person who will listen carefully, I'm that person who will supports and stay in difficult condition. But my past, my reality, haunts me and makes me feel torn apart. I laugh a lot to avoid these tears fall. it hurts in the middle of my chest.
    Ikimoem0 Ikimoem0 18-21, F 6 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jul 19, 2015

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    So Happy! ... On The Outside... For You My Friends

    I put on a smile for the world, i come to your house to make you feel better i laugh at your jokes even though there not funny i cheer you up by being a clown i come to you when you are in need i show up when ever you summon me i tell you your a great...
    mellycaroline mellycaroline 18-21 2 Responses Apr 22, 2011

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    Nobody knows. I put a mask on everyday.

    I won't tell anyone though. They would worry too much about me and take me to a specialist or someone like that. I don't really want to talk about it. I just want it to go away. I don't chose to feel like this. I don't know why...I don't know anything...
    Give2Schitts Give2Schitts 13-15, T 3 Responses Apr 20, 2015

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    The End

    Somedays I just want to end it all. I'm so lonely, I have no friends and hardly see my family. No one knows how I feel, what's the point. No one would notice if I was wrong, so I may as well stop myself from being this unhappy right? I can't take this anymore, I'm worth nothing.
    JustJay18 JustJay18 18-21 1 Response Aug 8, 2013

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    My thoughts are eating me alive.

    I feel like I'm dying inside. I am supposed to be that girl who is invincible. I am always smiling no matter what I've gone through, but it's gotten worse. I'm not happy despite what people think. Everything in my life is going wrong and there isn't anything I can do. I want to...
    silence3412 silence3412 16-17, F Jul 17, 2015

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    My name is Cooper Rose.

    I am 20 years old, and I am from Brighton, England. I am a closet lesbian afraid to tell my strict religious parents. I'm very lonely and I fell in love with this site as I can chat to so many great people. I used to cut myself, but I've been clear for a year now, but I'm still...
    infinitemoments infinitemoments 22-25, F 4 Responses Jan 8, 2014

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    savant84 savant84 31-35, M 1 Response Aug 2, 2015

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    Sometimes, while lying in bed trying to sleep,

    a wave of sadness rolls over me. Draining me of all my sense of good judgment Nothing's really wrong. It just hits u
    pyro2079 pyro2079 18-21, M Jun 16, 2015

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    12

    "Denise, look at me" why? "What happen, to your arm?" Nothing.....[covers arms] "Then where did the big gashes come from.?" No where.... "......Den--" STOP trying to make me talk! its not going to work, i've been talking all my life. about mom about dad about being in foster...
    SameOllove SameOllove 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 21, 2013

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    I don't have anyone to talk to

    so I'm going to write it on here in hopes to feel a relief I guess. For starters I'm a 19 year old woman I am from SLC, UT. I guess I'll just write a little bit about myself from the beginning actually. I've lived in salt lake almost my whole life, growing up I was a pretty good...
    chana801 chana801 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 16, 2015

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    GirlyCasey123 GirlyCasey123 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 26, 2015

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    No one knows how I'm feeling most days,

    I tend to smile so people won't notice I'm off balance...
    sheherme83 sheherme83 31-35, F 5 Responses Aug 18, 2014

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    The Illusion

    Suffering depression is an illusion; That makes you believe that you can't be better; That you can't become better than what and where you are right now; We like to deceive ourselves because we don't like change. Hey but real growth lies outside of the comfort zone; How can you...
    indigowitch indigowitch 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 29, 2012

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    My purity My virginity Why doesn't anyone take

    it seriously Is it just a game Do I have to tame you My sacrifices My mind I feel I have lost my own mind Trying to find out why Put on a fake smile They can't see you cry
    Moonlighwolf Moonlighwolf 16-17, F Jul 12, 2015

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    I'm seriously contemplating suicide .

    .. Again ... I thought I was over this
    alm0718 alm0718 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 8, 2015

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    I had a thought time

    and decided to do something not to be depressed and that is to go to the gym and work out just to feel better about myself and do something positive,I was feeling excited until i told my father that i wanted to work out , and he said ohh you would work out i would love to see...
    Anka97 Anka97 18-21, F Dec 22, 2015

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    Learning To Talk Again

    So this is me. I come from a good family, with a good amount of money. I live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I go to a good school full of good people. Nothing terrible has ever happened to me. I should be happy, and grateful, and untroubled, and on the outside, that is...
    PseudonymousPerson PseudonymousPerson 13-15, F 4 Responses Dec 19, 2012

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    only a couple of my close friends known,

    only the ones that have seen me break down and cry, or not say anything for an entire day, because I'm afraid I'll cry if I open my mouth. My parents don't know, most of the people in my life are clueless. and I hope to keep it that way
    olone olone 18-21, M 1 Response Aug 29, 2015

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    Why Not Start By Listening?

    Call it what you will, but there is this part of you – an innate wisdom, if you will – that has tried and tried and tried to get you to stop and fix a part of you that broke a long time ago but you've told yourself that you either don't have enough money, don't have enough...
    maxximiliann maxximiliann 36-40, M Apr 20, 2012

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    Does anyone else get short bursts of depression?

    Sometimes I am really happy, and then all of a sudden, I get really depressed. All I want to to be alone, but not lonely. I feel like my friends aren't really my friends and don't care about me. I think darkly, and sadly. I wish I wouldn't feel like this, but I do. It started...
    AngelAmongClouds AngelAmongClouds 13-15, F 5 Responses Jan 8, 2015

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