I Am Secretly Depressed

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,628 People

    No one knows. No one needs to know.

    I've been secretly depressed for a year now. Way too many things have been happening in my so far short life. But, I won't tell anyone, because my mother would cry, my sister would feel responsible, my brother's just...no and my dad wouldn't understand. Anyone else feel like...
    Ai101 Ai101
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Aug 19, 2015

    Well not so secretly to those EP members

    who know me. It is likely manic depression because it comes over me in waves. I can be high, excitable, fun and crazy for a period of time then I crash to feelings of despair, loneliness and heartache. I have been treated for depression in my past after certain events but...
    deleted deleted
    6 Responses Apr 25, 2015

    My thoughts are eating me alive.

    I feel like I'm dying inside. I am supposed to be that girl who is invincible. I am always smiling no matter what I've gone through, but it's gotten worse. I'm not happy despite what people think. Everything in my life is going wrong and there isn't anything I can do. I want to...
    silence3412 silence3412
    18-21, F
    Jul 17, 2015
    deleted deleted
    2 Responses Jul 19, 2015

    God forbid you talk about it,

    everyone thinks you're an attention seeker. I don't even have a bad life or anything, I enjoy my job, I have a loving family and a roof over my head. I have no right to be depressed and I refuse to take drugs for it. So I just don't tell anyone, at least not anyone I know in...
    HannahSavannah HannahSavannah
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Mar 21, 2016

    For a while now, I haven't been able to wake up

    without feeling sad. I've been smoking weed every day and drinking much more frequently to try and make this go away, but every time I sober up, there's depression waiting for me. Some of it might be caused by things in my life, but honestly I just think there's something wrong...
    Dudeickle Dudeickle
    36-40, M
    1 Response Sep 19, 2015

    I think it's kind of funny how history does

    repeat itself. I mean, my history is repeating itself rn. I remember 3 years ago staying up for the longest time, sitting on my floor with a butcherknife in one hand and a bottle full of pills in the other. I was seeing which would be a better way to go. & I did this so often...
    Gorgeoushobo Gorgeoushobo
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Mar 21, 2016

    So Happy! ... On The Outside... For You My Friends

    I put on a smile for the world, i come to your house to make you feel better i laugh at your jokes even though there not funny i cheer you up by being a clown i come to you when you are in need i show up when ever you summon me i tell you your a great...
    mellycaroline mellycaroline
    2 Responses Apr 22, 2011

    EP turned out to be a joke.

    I let my guard down and let someone in just to be judged, played, and crapped on......Thanks....really needed that.
    Mike14inPA Mike14inPA
    22-25, M
    2 Responses Jan 19, 2016
    GirlyCasey123 GirlyCasey123
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jul 26, 2015

    I was cleaning my brushes.

    You know what one does when they have to because when you have acne you NEED make up. My dad was like teasing me and I could feel myself getting defensive. Then he kept going on and ONNNNN. The things he said was: "Look you don't need it like I do." "See if you eat circus you'd...
    LoveisBeautiful5013 LoveisBeautiful5013
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jan 18, 2016

    i m 23 years old..i am from india.

    i am a girl.and now sometimes i wanna kill myself.last year i have completed my graduation and m still unemployed.my friend told me about this site.m very depressed.most of the time i cannot sleep.my parents r not supporting.in india parents marry their children with their choice...
    111dreamy 111dreamy
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Mar 22, 2016

    i wish I didn't **** everything Up I'm just a

    terrible person who should die no one thinks that im actually sensitive but I am my boss made me cry today and I didn't do anything wrong to get yelled at and my gf wants a break I'm just drowning in pain and tears my anxiety is really bad right now
    bisexualboy02 bisexualboy02
    22-25, M
    Jul 17, 2015

    No one knows how I'm feeling most days,

    I tend to smile so people won't notice I'm off balance...
    sheherme83 sheherme83
    31-35, F
    5 Responses Aug 18, 2014

    The problem with depression is.

    .. -You know you'll be ok, but you still feel awful. -You know people love you, but it doesn't feel like they do.
 -You know doing something will make you feel better, but you just don't know how to.
 -You want to be well, but you just can't seem to get there.
    Shygirl917 Shygirl917
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Oct 13, 2014

    I had a thought time

    and decided to do something not to be depressed and that is to go to the gym and work out just to feel better about myself and do something positive,I was feeling excited until i told my father that i wanted to work out , and he said ohh you would work out i would love to see...
    Anka97 Anka97
    18-21, F
    Dec 22, 2015

    I keep looking at my phone,

    but there's nothing there. Nothing to fill this emptiness.
    kg54933 kg54933
    26-30, F
    Aug 18, 2015

    Yeah... It's bad. I woke up today; My first

    thought was "Oh ****, I'm still alive." I didn't try to kill myself or anything... I just don't want to be on this planet anymore. I don't wanna feel, or see, or hear, or smell, or taste, anything. I just wanna disappear, maybe not even die; just disappear. Anybody feel the...
    NearAsFarCanBe NearAsFarCanBe
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jul 25, 2014

    I don't know what to do.

    I'm still being checked for scars, but it's not helping. My eyes are heavy but I can't cry. I can't cut. I feel too bad. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to therapy or called the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. So what should I do to help the pain go away?
    AveiraAmaria AveiraAmaria
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Feb 1, 2015

    My family doesn't understand

    why I act the way I do sometimes because they don't see how depressed I am feeling. I have been lonely and sad in the past, and have gotten used to it, but inside I feel so much worse than any of those times. Mostly, I have no one to talk to or trust with my feelings...I want...
    MaroonMandy19 MaroonMandy19
    16-17, F
    1 Response Jun 13, 2014

    Everyday I am secretly depressed

    but I don't tell the people that surround me because I don't want them to treat me any different or look and me a different way. I'm tired of hiding it because it gets harder and harder to fake a smile and act like the happy person.
    Unknown7411 Unknown7411
    18-21, F
    Mar 30, 2015

    I don't let onto people

    that I'm depressed. I just go through life pretending I don't have a problem. I know I show signs of depression, but people in rl don't take an interest in me, not since highschool at least. I did have a friend that did tho. I don't see her much anymore, and the last time I did...
    DragonTheDragon DragonTheDragon
    26-30, M
    1 Response Apr 11, 2016

    Hi, I'm a 21 year old medical student living

    abroad, I was diagnosed with bipolar nearly 3 years ago, and before that I struggled a lot. I let it get quite far before my family told me to seek medical help, and finally gave me the courage to take a step forward. I've dealt with severe depression and bipolar for as long as...
    lily449 lily449
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Apr 26, 2015

    The Illusion

    Suffering depression is an illusion; That makes you believe that you can't be better; That you can't become better than what and where you are right now; We like to deceive ourselves because we don't like change. Hey but real growth lies outside of the comfort zone; How can you...
    indigowitch indigowitch
    22-25, F
    1 Response Apr 29, 2012

    I really need to figure out what i need to do

    to move forward. I put on a good face but deep down the people who know me know I haven't been myself i a really long time.
    tmantx tmantx
    31-35, M
    1 Response Mar 20, 2016

    Why Not Start By Listening?

    Call it what you will, but there is this part of you – an innate wisdom, if you will – that has tried and tried and tried to get you to stop and fix a part of you that broke a long time ago but you've told yourself that you either don't have enough money, don't have enough...
    maxximiliann maxximiliann
    36-40, M
    Apr 20, 2012

    Geting a place for people to get help people

    without any horid people to tell u what to do :) you could sleep or just play ps3/xbox
    Lasbutterfly Lasbutterfly
    18-21, F
    Jun 24, 2015

    Does anyone else get short bursts of depression?

    Sometimes I am really happy, and then all of a sudden, I get really depressed. All I want to to be alone, but not lonely. I feel like my friends aren't really my friends and don't care about me. I think darkly, and sadly. I wish I wouldn't feel like this, but I do. It started...
    Smileydork Smileydork
    16-17, F
    5 Responses Jan 8, 2015

    Learning To Talk Again

    So this is me. I come from a good family, with a good amount of money. I live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I go to a good school full of good people. Nothing terrible has ever happened to me. I should be happy, and grateful, and untroubled, and on the outside, that is...
    PseudonymousPerson PseudonymousPerson
    13-15, F
    4 Responses Dec 19, 2012

    My purity My virginity Why doesn't anyone take

    it seriously Is it just a game Do I have to tame you My sacrifices My mind I feel I have lost my own mind Trying to find out why Put on a fake smile They can't see you cry
    Moonlighwolf Moonlighwolf
    18-21, F
    Jul 12, 2015

    Everyone thinks I'm the happiest person.

    I'll hang out with my friends and if I'm not smiling they'll think something's wrong. I'm known as a tough person, I hate crying in front of people. I just break down at home thought when nobody there. My friends sometimes don't even act like friends. People would never guess...
    alddepalma1 alddepalma1
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 20, 2016

    I Am A Potato

    i am reaching 18 years of age soon and i have been unhappy for a while. since about 14 years old have been very insecure and i have a low self-esteem. i do have my days when i feel so great about myself but they don't last long. I feel like i am always a second choice to everyone...
    kyleesmiley kyleesmiley
    18-21, F
    Dec 1, 2012

    I've honestly been fighting this

    for so long and well now I might as well be honest about it...people wonder why I quit school some get angry some just question my decision well here it is, when I was younger I was abused...thrown down stairs pushed against walls smacked even kicked while I was down... I was...
    lonelydancergirl lonelydancergirl
    22-25, F
    1 Response Dec 12, 2015

    I think i may be depressed.

    ..i have no close friends at all despite all efforts to make ones(all i get is just fellow workmates/churchmates but not close friends)...and i always cry whenever am alone in my room because i have no one to talk to. now days i just find my self crying unknowingly.
    fairy2015 fairy2015
    26-30, F
    Nov 9, 2015

    I always thought people could tell

    that I was insecure and depressed, but I have a mask that I put on and everyone says I look perfect. You can almost never tell that I'm depressed I always wear a big smile to hide the pain. I can't kill myself, everytime I think about committing suicide, I think of all of the...
    deleted deleted
    3 Responses Jun 24, 2015

    I'm tired of pretending

    that I'm happy when I'm actually depressed. I try so hard to keep my "I'm happy" face on all day so I don't have the very few people who care about me to worry. Then, I just let out all my tears at night when I hope no one can hear me. But I just feel horrible all the time.
    Lcy2472 Lcy2472
    13-15, F
    Jul 20, 2015

    I'm seriously contemplating suicide .

    .. Again ... I thought I was over this
    alm0718 alm0718
    31-35, F
    1 Response Jul 8, 2015

    I Have to Put On a Brave Face

    It's hard but someone has to do it and in these cases, it has to be me. I've been depressed since Hurricane Katrina, I packed up what I could and we all headed for the open road and didn't really know where we were going. Since Katrina, so much has happened. An event that should...
    Dimples87 Dimples87
    26-30, F
    12 Responses Jul 14, 2008

    People think I am strong

    but deep down inside.. I'm just pretend to be strong. I'm laughing when I'm nervous. I'm always laugh to cover what's inside my head.
    arkhamel arkhamel
    31-35, F
    3 Responses Dec 11, 2014

    Decided I would write some songs to help with

    my depression some...wish me luck
    TheHuntress101 TheHuntress101
    22-25, F
    1 Response Mar 21, 2016

    I really need to figure out what i need to do

    to move forward. I put on a good face but deep down the people who know me know I haven't been myself i a really long time.
    tmantx tmantx
    31-35, M
    2 Responses Mar 20, 2016

    Dr. appt.today. I broke down crying

    and talked a little about what has been going on. the Dr didnt seem to sympathetic. he suggested counseling and maybe an anti depressant. maybe I will.
    beforethecalm beforethecalm
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Apr 15, 2016

    My name is Cooper Rose.

    I am 20 years old, and I am from Brighton, England. I am a closet lesbian afraid to tell my strict religious parents. I'm very lonely and I fell in love with this site as I can chat to so many great people. I used to cut myself, but I've been clear for a year now, but I'm still...
    infinitemoments infinitemoments
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Jan 8, 2014


    "Denise, look at me" why? "What happen, to your arm?" Nothing.....[covers arms] "Then where did the big gashes come from.?" No where.... "......Den--" STOP trying to make me talk! its not going to work, i've been talking all my life. about mom about dad about being in foster...
    SameOllove SameOllove
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Feb 21, 2013

    Well I guess it's not a secret on here,

    but in real life I hide it as best I can. I don't tell my friends that even though we may be out doing stuff, my heart is hurting. I don't tell my mom that when I'm driving down the road, sometimes I just pray that I'll crash and die. I don't tell my sister that I have her stay...
    Rachel335 Rachel335
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Mar 20, 2016

    The End

    Somedays I just want to end it all. I'm so lonely, I have no friends and hardly see my family. No one knows how I feel, what's the point. No one would notice if I was wrong, so I may as well stop myself from being this unhappy right? I can't take this anymore, I'm worth nothing.
    JustJay18 JustJay18
    1 Response Aug 8, 2013

    I wake up everyday and try to smile about my

    situation. It's not easy and most days I fail. I just can't seem to find peace and move on from this baggage that continues to hold me down. I really need to separate myself and make changes. Easier said then done. Any advice?
    wise0025 wise0025
    26-30, M
    1 Response Sep 28, 2015

    only a couple of my close friends known,

    only the ones that have seen me break down and cry, or not say anything for an entire day, because I'm afraid I'll cry if I open my mouth. My parents don't know, most of the people in my life are clueless. and I hope to keep it that way
    olone olone
    22-25, M
    1 Response Aug 29, 2015
    savant84 savant84
    31-35, M
    1 Response Aug 2, 2015

    I constantly think about laying in the water

    until it takes me somewhere nice n peaceful...
    NormalWeirdo NormalWeirdo
    26-30, F
    Sep 8, 2015

    Hiding It From Most...

    I don't know why the sorrow goes so deep. Why there is no bottom to the pain at times. I try to surround myself with humor and have much to be thankful for. But the ache is always there. Has been there as long as I can remember. Very few people know. Why can't the sun...
    Snapple10 Snapple10
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Apr 7, 2012

    Unhappy With Where You Are?

    Where we are in life is exactly where we want to be. Not necessarily because it's what we want but because it's good enough. When good enough isn't good enough anymore THAT'S when we start living :)
    maxximiliann maxximiliann
    36-40, M
    2 Responses Apr 20, 2012

    Nobody knows. I put a mask on everyday.

    I won't tell anyone though. They would worry too much about me and take me to a specialist or someone like that. I don't really want to talk about it. I just want it to go away. I don't chose to feel like this. I don't know why...I don't know anything...
    Give2Schitts Give2Schitts
    16-17, T
    2 Responses Apr 20, 2015
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