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I Am Secretly Depressed

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,493 People

    I'm tired of pretending

    that I'm happy when I'm actually depressed. I try so hard to keep my "I'm happy" face on all day so I don't have the very few people who care about me to worry. Then, I just let out all my tears at night when I hope no one can hear me. But I just feel horrible all the time.
    Lcy2472 Lcy2472 13-15, F Jul 20

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    I Have to Put On a Brave Face

    It's hard but someone has to do it and in these cases, it has to be me. I've been depressed since Hurricane Katrina, I packed up what I could and we all headed for the open road and didn't really know where we were going. Since Katrina, so much has happened. An event that should...
    Dimples87 Dimples87 22-25, F 12 Responses Jul 14, 2008

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    I'm that girl that's bubbly

    and happy. That makes everyone else smile. I'm the funny one that's never sad. Or so it seems Im in high school. I had a great life. I was always happy. Now, I'm never happy. I go to school and put on a brave face. None of my friends know I'm depressed. My parents don't know...
    JustThatNobody JustThatNobody 16-17, F 4 Responses Jan 1, 2014

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    Geting a place for people to get help people

    without any horid people to tell u what to do :) you could sleep or just play ps3/xbox
    Lasbutterfly Lasbutterfly 16-17, F Jun 24

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    thumper15 thumper15 18-21, F 4 Responses Jul 19

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    Learning To Talk Again

    So this is me. I come from a good family, with a good amount of money. I live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I go to a good school full of good people. Nothing terrible has ever happened to me. I should be happy, and grateful, and untroubled, and on the outside, that is...
    PseudonymousPerson PseudonymousPerson 13-15, F 4 Responses Dec 19, 2012

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    Everyday I am secretly depressed

    but I don't tell the people that surround me because I don't want them to treat me any different or look and me a different way. I'm tired of hiding it because it gets harder and harder to fake a smile and act like the happy person.
    Unknown7411 Unknown7411 16-17, F Mar 30

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    Hi, I'm a 21 year old medical student living

    abroad, I was diagnosed with bipolar nearly 3 years ago, and before that I struggled a lot. I let it get quite far before my family told me to seek medical help, and finally gave me the courage to take a step forward. I've dealt with severe depression and bipolar for as long as...
    lily449 lily449 22-25, F 2 Responses Apr 26

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    So I don't know what happened i sold my iPhone

    6+ and bought an iPad mini and feel so good...don't have to answer any phone call read any text msg now everyone try to find me want to know where i am or what happening to me...I'm fine and enjoying be with myself alone I just don't want to talk or hear from anyone I just want...
    privacyboy privacyboy 22-25, M May 14

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    My family doesn't understand

    why I act the way I do sometimes because they don't see how depressed I am feeling. I have been lonely and sad in the past, and have gotten used to it, but inside I feel so much worse than any of those times. Mostly, I have no one to talk to or trust with my feelings...I want...
    MaroonMandy19 MaroonMandy19 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 13, 2014

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    i wish I didn't **** everything Up I'm just a

    terrible person who should die no one thinks that im actually sensitive but I am my boss made me cry today and I didn't do anything wrong to get yelled at and my gf wants a break I'm just drowning in pain and tears my anxiety is really bad right now
    bisexualboy02 bisexualboy02 18-21, M 1 Response Jul 17

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    No one knows. No one needs to know.

    I've been secretly depressed for a year now. Way too many things have been happening in my so far short life. But, I won't tell anyone, because my mother would cry, my sister would feel responsible, my brother's just...no and my dad wouldn't understand. Anyone else feel like...
    Ai101 Ai101 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 19

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    Hiding It From Most...

    I don't know why the sorrow goes so deep. Why there is no bottom to the pain at times. I try to surround myself with humor and have much to be thankful for. But the ache is always there. Has been there as long as I can remember. Very few people know. Why can't the sun...
    Snapple10 Snapple10 31-35, F 2 Responses Apr 7, 2012

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    Why Not Start By Listening?

    Call it what you will, but there is this part of you – an innate wisdom, if you will – that has tried and tried and tried to get you to stop and fix a part of you that broke a long time ago but you've told yourself that you either don't have enough money, don't have enough...
    maxximiliann maxximiliann 36-40, M Apr 20, 2012

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    The problem with depression is.

    .. -You know you'll be ok, but you still feel awful. -You know people love you, but it doesn't feel like they do.
 -You know doing something will make you feel better, but you just don't know how to.
 -You want to be well, but you just can't seem to get there.
    Shygirl917 Shygirl917 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 13, 2014

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    Well not so secretly to those EP members

    who know me. It is likely manic depression because it comes over me in waves. I can be high, excitable, fun and crazy for a period of time then I crash to feelings of despair, loneliness and heartache. I have been treated for depression in my past after certain events but...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Apr 25

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    The other day in class,

    I remember a girl very loudly declaring, "Well I think suicide is stupid, and that the people who do it are dumb and selfish." This girl is the richest person I know, and she is both pretty and popular. And in that moment, all I wanted to do was ask her, "What do you know? Do...
    MeganeChan MeganeChan 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 18

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    Nobody knows. I put a mask on everyday.

    I won't tell anyone though. They would worry too much about me and take me to a specialist or someone like that. I don't really want to talk about it. I just want it to go away. I don't chose to feel like this. I don't know why...I don't know anything...
    Give2Schitts Give2Schitts 13-15, T 3 Responses Apr 20

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    I don't feel like everyone's against me

    or that things are hopeless, but I have been hurt by too many people and finally just don't care what happens to me anymore and I know better than to trust anyone again.
    thumper15 thumper15 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 23

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    I'm that person who can make you laugh,

    I'm that person who will listen carefully, I'm that person who will supports and stay in difficult condition. But my past, my reality, haunts me and makes me feel torn apart. I laugh a lot to avoid these tears fall. it hurts in the middle of my chest.
    Ikimoem0 Ikimoem0 18-21, F 6 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    I want to tell but I just can't.

    It's so hard to hide it but I have to.
    happytobeanon happytobeanon 13-15, F 2 Responses Aug 24, 2014

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    I don't know what to do.

    I'm still being checked for scars, but it's not helping. My eyes are heavy but I can't cry. I can't cut. I feel too bad. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to therapy or called the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. So what should I do to help the pain go away?
    AveiraAmaria AveiraAmaria 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 1

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    People think I am strong

    but deep down inside.. I'm just pretend to be strong. I'm laughing when I'm nervous. I'm always laugh to cover what's inside my head.
    arkhamel arkhamel 26-30, F 4 Responses Dec 11, 2014

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    I keep looking at my phone,

    but there's nothing there. Nothing to fill this emptiness.
    kg54933 kg54933 26-30, F Aug 18

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    No one knows how I'm feeling most days,

    I tend to smile so people won't notice I'm off balance...
    sheherme83 sheherme83 31-35, F 6 Responses Aug 18, 2014

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    LittleUnicorn LittleUnicorn 18-21 2 Responses May 1

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    a long time ago i was at my best friend.

    and her husband's home with my other best friend, all the kids were there and we were drinking. usually my one would get buzzed and the other drunk (the married one) and i would stay sober. we always stayed over on these nights. one day, they insisted they wanted to see how i...
    Breeze82b Breeze82b 26-30, F May 19

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    My purity My virginity Why doesn't anyone take

    it seriously Is it just a game Do I have to tame you My sacrifices My mind I feel I have lost my own mind Trying to find out why Put on a fake smile They can't see you cry
    ggbeauty2 ggbeauty2 16-17, F Jul 12

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    I always thought people could tell

    that I was insecure and depressed, but I have a mask that I put on and everyone says I look perfect. You can almost never tell that I'm depressed I always wear a big smile to hide the pain. I can't kill myself, everytime I think about committing suicide, I think of all of the...
    sirianstarsoul sirianstarsoul 18-21, M 3 Responses Jun 24

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    I'm seriously contemplating suicide .

    .. Again ... I thought I was over this
    alm0718 alm0718 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 8

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    GirlyCasey123 GirlyCasey123 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 26

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    Right now my life really sucks

    and I don't know what to do anymore. Can someone help me make sense of it all?
    davombcono davombcono 16-17, M 5 days ago

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    i am secretly depressed,

    well at least i think i am, i have felt this way for around 5 years and no one knows. no one not even my parents, i made sure they would never find out. but recently one of my friends, suspected something and i had to tell him but he wants me to tell my school friends so they...
    xox17xox xox17xox 13-15, F 2 Responses May 2

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    Sometimes when I'm really depressed

    and I'm almost at my limit. I listen to this song and I try to calm myself down. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK42Jgs9GTY
    Xemplefied Xemplefied 26-30, M 1 Response May 28

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    thumper15 thumper15 18-21, F 6 Responses Jul 17

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    only a couple of my close friends known,

    only the ones that have seen me break down and cry, or not say anything for an entire day, because I'm afraid I'll cry if I open my mouth. My parents don't know, most of the people in my life are clueless. and I hope to keep it that way
    olone olone 18-21, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    My name is Cooper Rose.

    I am 20 years old, and I am from Brighton, England. I am a closet lesbian afraid to tell my strict religious parents. I'm very lonely and I fell in love with this site as I can chat to so many great people. I used to cut myself, but I've been clear for a year now, but I'm still...
    infinitemoments infinitemoments 22-25, F 4 Responses Jan 8, 2014

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    I Am A Potato

    i am reaching 18 years of age soon and i have been unhappy for a while. since about 14 years old have been very insecure and i have a low self-esteem. i do have my days when i feel so great about myself but they don't last long. I feel like i am always a second choice to everyone...
    kyleesmiley kyleesmiley 18-21, F Dec 1, 2012

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    I don't have anyone to talk to

    so I'm going to write it on here in hopes to feel a relief I guess. For starters I'm a 19 year old woman I am from SLC, UT. I guess I'll just write a little bit about myself from the beginning actually. I've lived in salt lake almost my whole life, growing up I was a pretty good...
    chana801 chana801 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 16

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    My thoughts are eating me alive.

    I feel like I'm dying inside. I am supposed to be that girl who is invincible. I am always smiling no matter what I've gone through, but it's gotten worse. I'm not happy despite what people think. Everything in my life is going wrong and there isn't anything I can do. I want to...
    silence3412 silence3412 16-17, F Jul 17

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    I wish someone in real life would

    even be interested in me. It seems like I'm invisible to everyone :/
    Mselisa Mselisa 18-21, F 18 Responses May 3

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    So Happy! ... On The Outside... For You My Friends

    I put on a smile for the world, i come to your house to make you feel better i laugh at your jokes even though there not funny i cheer you up by being a clown i come to you when you are in need i show up when ever you summon me i tell you your a great...
    mellycaroline mellycaroline 18-21 2 Responses Apr 22, 2011

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    12

    "Denise, look at me" why? "What happen, to your arm?" Nothing.....[covers arms] "Then where did the big gashes come from.?" No where.... "......Den--" STOP trying to make me talk! its not going to work, i've been talking all my life. about mom about dad about being in foster...
    SameOllove SameOllove 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 21, 2013

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    If I decide to commit suicide,

    I'm not going to tell anyone or leave a note. I'll just do it
    Lexceee Lexceee 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 16

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    Sumtimes I think its like mental.

    I will have a good day with ppl but then when im home i just like get riduculously lonley and feel like crap alot. freinds r getting tired of it too but sometimes its like i cant help it and its for no reason at all. People dont no cuz i act happy alot around them, i date lots...
    KrystalHi KrystalHi 13-15, F May 13

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    Sometimes, while lying in bed trying to sleep,

    a wave of sadness rolls over me. Draining me of all my sense of good judgment Nothing's really wrong. It just hits u
    pyro2079 pyro2079 18-21, M Jun 16