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I Am Secretly Depressed

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,302 People

    I Am A Potato

    i am reaching 18 years of age soon and i have been unhappy for a while. since about 14 years old have been very insecure and i have a low self-esteem. i do have my days when i feel so great about myself but they don't last long. I feel like i am always a second choice to everyone...
    kyleesmiley kyleesmiley 18-21, F Dec 1, 2012

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    ever since i laid eyes on her.

    .. i know that she is my happiness... i know this isnt the right thing to do... to base my feelings for the day off of how she feels or what she says but i cant help it... i want to give her my all... i want her to know how deeply she affects my life... "but to what cost?" some...
    MentallyUnsound MentallyUnsound 16-17, M 1 Response Mar 28

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    thumper15 thumper15 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 3

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    Everyday I am secretly depressed

    but I don't tell the people that surround me because I don't want them to treat me any different or look and me a different way. I'm tired of hiding it because it gets harder and harder to fake a smile and act like the happy person.
    Unknown7411 Unknown7411 16-17, F Mar 30

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    No one knows how I'm feeling most days,

    I tend to smile so people won't notice I'm off balance...
    sheherme83 sheherme83 31-35, F 6 Responses Aug 18, 2014

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    I think I am depressed

    because I lack positive people in my life. In family everyone cribs about life. Cribs about getting by. They seek pleasure in material things. Which is fine but then when their pleasures are met they find another object to crave over and get cranky about. Fights are rampant so...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jan 10, 2014

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    I just feel like I need someone to talk to.

    Everyone seems like they don't have time for me and I have no real friends. I am getting more sad and depressed.
    kennedypenn kennedypenn 13-15, F Mar 11

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    I Have to Put On a Brave Face

    It's hard but someone has to do it and in these cases, it has to be me. I've been depressed since Hurricane Katrina, I packed up what I could and we all headed for the open road and didn't really know where we were going. Since Katrina, so much has happened. An event that should...
    Dimples87 Dimples87 22-25, F 12 Responses Jul 14, 2008

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    Hi. I love my mom so much

    and I've spent the last 4 ish years trying to get her to like me and I think she does but in the meantime I've lost who I am. I don't know how to get me back. I wanted her to like me so bad I stopped everything I was doing. I completely isolated myself from my friends and things...
    ParanoidGirl ParanoidGirl 26-30 1 Response Mar 27

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    I don't know how much more of this sh*t I can

    take. I'm 15 and feel like I'm 80. I'm suppose to be having fun not waiting for my psycho mom to show up and kill me and my dad. And I HATE it that I let her get to me and that I'm depressed all the time because of HER. I've even wanted to die just to make it all stop but...
    thumper15 thumper15 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 13

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    Learning To Talk Again

    So this is me. I come from a good family, with a good amount of money. I live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I go to a good school full of good people. Nothing terrible has ever happened to me. I should be happy, and grateful, and untroubled, and on the outside, that is...
    PseudonymousPerson PseudonymousPerson 13-15, F 4 Responses Dec 19, 2012

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    Why Not Start By Listening?

    Call it what you will, but there is this part of you – an innate wisdom, if you will – that has tried and tried and tried to get you to stop and fix a part of you that broke a long time ago but you've told yourself that you either don't have enough money, don't have enough...
    maxximiliann maxximiliann 36-40, M Apr 20, 2012

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    Just **** it all --- Jsyk my new account

    is/will be: SpectrumOfTears
    AveiraAmaria AveiraAmaria 18-21, F 4 Responses Feb 1

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    God I hate it when I'm like this.

    It's like all I do is think about ways to die and the only thing that stops me is that I know who'd find me and I don't wanna do that to them.
    thumper15 thumper15 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 3

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    I'm not a depression sufferer.

    ..but sometimes I feel like I am. Relationships and loneliness trigger it. Sometimes I just feel like laying in bed doing nothing and feeling nothing.
    Fierrrrce Fierrrrce 18-21, F Apr 5

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    So Happy! ... On The Outside... For You My Friends

    I put on a smile for the world, i come to your house to make you feel better i laugh at your jokes even though there not funny i cheer you up by being a clown i come to you when you are in need i show up when ever you summon me i tell you your a great...
    mellycaroline mellycaroline 18-21 2 Responses Apr 22, 2011

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    If I decide to commit suicide,

    I'm not going to tell anyone or leave a note. I'll just do it
    Lexceee Lexceee 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 16

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    Ever since it happened it became a weird habit .

    I've been depressed before when I'm out my buddies I show sign of happiness but deep inside I'm so depressed I don't know what makes me happy! I see people happy with colorful joy and became something that I haven't became I'm so sad about it that I haven't achieved my goals yet...
    billyaldo billyaldo 22-25, M Mar 27

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    Well not so secretly to those EP members

    who know me. It is likely manic depression because it comes over me in waves. I can be high, excitable, fun and crazy for a period of time then I crash to feelings of despair, loneliness and heartache. I have been treated for depression in my past after certain events but...
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Apr 25

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    It sucks to admit that i am secretly depressed.

    No one has no clue. I come from a good family and i have friends that care for me. I have problems mainly with letting people in. Especially guys. Every single guy i have been with has either hurt me & i stayed with him or has hidden me. No one notices me or pays any attention...
    noone852 noone852 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 7

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    Yeah... It's bad. I woke up today; My first

    thought was "Oh ****, I'm still alive." I didn't try to kill myself or anything... I just don't want to be on this planet anymore. I don't wanna feel, or see, or hear, or smell, or taste, anything. I just wanna disappear, maybe not even die; just disappear. Anybody feel the...
    NearAsFarCanBe NearAsFarCanBe 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 25, 2014

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    My name is Cooper Rose.

    I am 20 years old, and I am from Brighton, England. I am a closet lesbian afraid to tell my strict religious parents. I'm very lonely and I fell in love with this site as I can chat to so many great people. I used to cut myself, but I've been clear for a year now, but I'm still...
    infinitemoments infinitemoments 22-25, F 4 Responses Jan 8, 2014

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    Only a few people I trust know about my

    depression, my mum, and my friend, that's it. I've just got to put on a brave face for everyone else to look normal
    CalZe CalZe 16-17, M 1 Response Mar 30

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    UNDecodable UNDecodable 18-21, F 2 Responses May 1

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    I've been going through a really rough patch.

    I lost my job at the beginning of the year. I went on one interview, tried to remain hopeful, kept looking for work but not really "looking for work". Then that's when my sister brought her dogs to my house to stay for a while since she was in the process of moving to her new...
    WildWoman25 WildWoman25 26-30, F 2 Responses Mar 11

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    i am secretly depressed,

    well at least i think i am, i have felt this way for around 5 years and no one knows. no one not even my parents, i made sure they would never find out. but recently one of my friends, suspected something and i had to tell him but he wants me to tell my school friends so they...
    xox17xox xox17xox 13-15, F 2 Responses May 2

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    People think I am strong

    but deep down inside.. I'm just pretend to be strong. I'm laughing when I'm nervous. I'm always laugh to cover what's inside my head.
    arkhamel arkhamel 26-30, F 4 Responses Dec 11, 2014

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    12

    "Denise, look at me" why? "What happen, to your arm?" Nothing.....[covers arms] "Then where did the big gashes come from.?" No where.... "......Den--" STOP trying to make me talk! its not going to work, i've been talking all my life. about mom about dad about being in foster...
    SameOllove SameOllove 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 21, 2013

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    I wish someone in real life would

    even be interested in me. It seems like I'm invisible to everyone :/
    Mselisa Mselisa 18-21, F 14 Responses May 3

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    For a long time I have been depressed.

    I've self harmed, going through anorexia and I've felt like wanting to end it all. I honestly don't know what to do? It's like there's a constant battle going on inside my head and the bad side is winning! I'm always ready to just give up and end it all. I'm just so confused and...
    TheAngelFromMyNightmare TheAngelFromMyNightmare 13-15, F 1 Response May 14, 2014

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    I'm that girl that's bubbly

    and happy. That makes everyone else smile. I'm the funny one that's never sad. Or so it seems Im in high school. I had a great life. I was always happy. Now, I'm never happy. I go to school and put on a brave face. None of my friends know I'm depressed. My parents don't know...
    JustThatNobody JustThatNobody 16-17, F 3 Responses Jan 1, 2014

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    Nobody knows. I put a mask on everyday.

    I won't tell anyone though. They would worry too much about me and take me to a specialist or someone like that. I don't really want to talk about it. I just want it to go away. I don't chose to feel like this. I don't know why...I don't know anything...
    Give2Schitts Give2Schitts 13-15, T 3 Responses Apr 20

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    My life is generally good,

    but I have been so sad lately, and when I am sad, I envision ways I could commit suicide. It's almost like it's an automatic reaction. When I am embarrassed or frustrated or disappointed in myself, I imagine nooses and jumping off of the roof. I don't know how to fix myself, and...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Mar 13

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    So I don't know what happened i sold my iPhone

    6+ and bought an iPad mini and feel so good...don't have to answer any phone call read any text msg now everyone try to find me want to know where i am or what happening to me...I'm fine and enjoying be with myself alone I just don't want to talk or hear from anyone I just want...
    privacyboy privacyboy 22-25, M May 14

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    I want to tell but I just can't.

    It's so hard to hide it but I have to.
    happytobeanon happytobeanon 13-15, F 2 Responses Aug 24, 2014

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    I'm deceitful I'm like an empty shell; I lie

    about my excitement for my brother and sister in law being pregnant. I lie about my interest in my sister graduating medical school in just two months.. I could care less. People love me and no matter what I do.. How much I want to feel close to someone, I feel nothing but...
    Quietwonderland Quietwonderland 16-17, F 3 Responses Mar 28

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    Sumtimes I think its like mental.

    I will have a good day with ppl but then when im home i just like get riduculously lonley and feel like crap alot. freinds r getting tired of it too but sometimes its like i cant help it and its for no reason at all. People dont no cuz i act happy alot around them, i date lots...
    KrystalHi KrystalHi 13-15, F May 13

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    Does anyone else get short bursts of depression?

    Sometimes I am really happy, and then all of a sudden, I get really depressed. All I want to to be alone, but not lonely. I feel like my friends aren't really my friends and don't care about me. I think darkly, and sadly. I wish I wouldn't feel like this, but I do. It started...
    Icrossmyheart Icrossmyheart 13-15, F 5 Responses Jan 8

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    The Illusion

    Suffering depression is an illusion; That makes you believe that you can't be better; That you can't become better than what and where you are right now; We like to deceive ourselves because we don't like change. Hey but real growth lies outside of the comfort zone; How can you...
    indigowitch indigowitch 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 29, 2012

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    How do you stop thinking about someone.

    . i love this guy with all my heart its only been like a couple of weeks but i just love him his my world .. my everything .. and i screwed up things between us .. i only wish i hadn't said what i said to him .. coz now i miss him so much .. we don''t talk at all ... its been...
    MinnieMelaMouse MinnieMelaMouse 16-17, F 1 Response Apr 12

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    The problem with depression is.

    .. -You know you'll be ok, but you still feel awful. -You know people love you, but it doesn't feel like they do.
 -You know doing something will make you feel better, but you just don't know how to.
 -You want to be well, but you just can't seem to get there.
    Shygirl917 Shygirl917 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 13, 2014

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    My family doesn't understand

    why I act the way I do sometimes because they don't see how depressed I am feeling. I have been lonely and sad in the past, and have gotten used to it, but inside I feel so much worse than any of those times. Mostly, I have no one to talk to or trust with my feelings...I want...
    MaroonMandy19 MaroonMandy19 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 13, 2014

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    Hi, I'm a 21 year old medical student living

    abroad, I was diagnosed with bipolar nearly 3 years ago, and before that I struggled a lot. I let it get quite far before my family told me to seek medical help, and finally gave me the courage to take a step forward. I've dealt with severe depression and bipolar for as long as...
    lily449 lily449 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 26

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    I don't know what to do.

    I'm still being checked for scars, but it's not helping. My eyes are heavy but I can't cry. I can't cut. I feel too bad. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to therapy or called the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. So what should I do to help the pain go away?
    AveiraAmaria AveiraAmaria 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 1

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    I'm drowning, I don't know

    if I can last through the night
    Lexceee Lexceee 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 13

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    I don't feel like everyone's against me

    or that things are hopeless, but I have been hurt by too many people and finally just don't care what happens to me anymore and I know better than to trust anyone again.
    thumper15 thumper15 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 23

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