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I Am Secretly Depressed

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,592 People

    I wake up everyday and try to smile about my

    situation. It's not easy and most days I fail. I just can't seem to find peace and move on from this baggage that continues to hold me down. I really need to separate myself and make changes. Easier said then done. Any advice?
    wise0025 wise0025 22-25, M 1 Response Sep 28, 2015

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    I don't know what to do.

    I'm still being checked for scars, but it's not helping. My eyes are heavy but I can't cry. I can't cut. I feel too bad. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to therapy or called the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. So what should I do to help the pain go away?
    AveiraAmaria AveiraAmaria 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 1, 2015

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    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jul 19, 2015

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    12

    "Denise, look at me" why? "What happen, to your arm?" Nothing.....[covers arms] "Then where did the big gashes come from.?" No where.... "......Den--" STOP trying to make me talk! its not going to work, i've been talking all my life. about mom about dad about being in foster...
    SameOllove SameOllove 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 21, 2013

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    GirlyCasey123 GirlyCasey123 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 26, 2015

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    So Happy! ... On The Outside... For You My Friends

    I put on a smile for the world, i come to your house to make you feel better i laugh at your jokes even though there not funny i cheer you up by being a clown i come to you when you are in need i show up when ever you summon me i tell you your a great...
    mellycaroline mellycaroline 18-21 2 Responses Apr 22, 2011

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    Idk Anymore

    Have no friends I just have a boring depressing life.I cry each day ,I don't even know why my friends stop talking to me when it was during summer break. I tell myself I'm done with people, and Facebook but I'm actually not. I don't know who to trust or nothing .I have nobody...
    Heyitsjalenn Heyitsjalenn 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    So I don't know what happened i sold my iPhone

    6+ and bought an iPad mini and feel so good...don't have to answer any phone call read any text msg now everyone try to find me want to know where i am or what happening to me...I'm fine and enjoying be with myself alone I just don't want to talk or hear from anyone I just want...
    privacyboy privacyboy 22-25, M May 14, 2015

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    i wish I didn't **** everything Up I'm just a

    terrible person who should die no one thinks that im actually sensitive but I am my boss made me cry today and I didn't do anything wrong to get yelled at and my gf wants a break I'm just drowning in pain and tears my anxiety is really bad right now
    bisexualboy02 bisexualboy02 18-21, M Jul 17, 2015

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    Unhappy With Where You Are?

    Where we are in life is exactly where we want to be. Not necessarily because it's what we want but because it's good enough. When good enough isn't good enough anymore THAT'S when we start living :)
    maxximiliann maxximiliann 36-40, M 2 Responses Apr 20, 2012

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    i am secretly depressed,

    well at least i think i am, i have felt this way for around 5 years and no one knows. no one not even my parents, i made sure they would never find out. but recently one of my friends, suspected something and i had to tell him but he wants me to tell my school friends so they...
    xox17xox xox17xox 13-15, F 2 Responses May 2, 2015

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    I constantly think about laying in the water

    until it takes me somewhere nice n peaceful...
    NormalWeirdo NormalWeirdo 26-30, F Sep 8, 2015

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    I keep looking at my phone,

    but there's nothing there. Nothing to fill this emptiness.
    kg54933 kg54933 26-30, F Aug 18, 2015

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    My family doesn't understand

    why I act the way I do sometimes because they don't see how depressed I am feeling. I have been lonely and sad in the past, and have gotten used to it, but inside I feel so much worse than any of those times. Mostly, I have no one to talk to or trust with my feelings...I want...
    MaroonMandy19 MaroonMandy19 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 13, 2014

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    No one knows how I'm feeling most days,

    I tend to smile so people won't notice I'm off balance...
    sheherme83 sheherme83 31-35, F 5 Responses Aug 18, 2014

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    Sometimes, while lying in bed trying to sleep,

    a wave of sadness rolls over me. Draining me of all my sense of good judgment Nothing's really wrong. It just hits u
    pyro2079 pyro2079 18-21, M Jun 16, 2015

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    I was cleaning my brushes.

    You know what one does when they have to because when you have acne you NEED make up. My dad was like teasing me and I could feel myself getting defensive. Then he kept going on and ONNNNN. The things he said was: "Look you don't need it like I do." "See if you eat circus you'd...
    LoveisBeautiful5013 LoveisBeautiful5013 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 18

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    Well not so secretly to those EP members

    who know me. It is likely manic depression because it comes over me in waves. I can be high, excitable, fun and crazy for a period of time then I crash to feelings of despair, loneliness and heartache. I have been treated for depression in my past after certain events but...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Apr 25, 2015

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    I had a thought time

    and decided to do something not to be depressed and that is to go to the gym and work out just to feel better about myself and do something positive,I was feeling excited until i told my father that i wanted to work out , and he said ohh you would work out i would love to see...
    Anka97 Anka97 18-21, F Dec 22, 2015

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    Sometimes when I'm really depressed

    and I'm almost at my limit. I listen to this song and I try to calm myself down. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK42Jgs9GTY
    Xemplefied Xemplefied 26-30, M 1 Response May 28, 2015

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    a long time ago i was at my best friend.

    and her husband's home with my other best friend, all the kids were there and we were drinking. usually my one would get buzzed and the other drunk (the married one) and i would stay sober. we always stayed over on these nights. one day, they insisted they wanted to see how i...
    Breeze82b Breeze82b 31-35, F May 19, 2015

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    My thoughts are eating me alive.

    I feel like I'm dying inside. I am supposed to be that girl who is invincible. I am always smiling no matter what I've gone through, but it's gotten worse. I'm not happy despite what people think. Everything in my life is going wrong and there isn't anything I can do. I want to...
    silence3412 silence3412 16-17, F Jul 17, 2015

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    Everyday I am secretly depressed

    but I don't tell the people that surround me because I don't want them to treat me any different or look and me a different way. I'm tired of hiding it because it gets harder and harder to fake a smile and act like the happy person.
    Unknown7411 Unknown7411 16-17, F Mar 30, 2015

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    My purity My virginity Why doesn't anyone take

    it seriously Is it just a game Do I have to tame you My sacrifices My mind I feel I have lost my own mind Trying to find out why Put on a fake smile They can't see you cry
    Moonlighwolf Moonlighwolf 16-17, F Jul 12, 2015

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    Geting a place for people to get help people

    without any horid people to tell u what to do :) you could sleep or just play ps3/xbox
    Lasbutterfly Lasbutterfly 16-17, F Jun 24, 2015

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    For a while now, I haven't been able to wake up

    without feeling sad. I've been smoking weed every day and drinking much more frequently to try and make this go away, but every time I sober up, there's depression waiting for me. Some of it might be caused by things in my life, but honestly I just think there's something wrong...
    Dudeickle Dudeickle 31-35, M 1 Response Sep 19, 2015

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    Learning To Talk Again

    So this is me. I come from a good family, with a good amount of money. I live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. I go to a good school full of good people. Nothing terrible has ever happened to me. I should be happy, and grateful, and untroubled, and on the outside, that is...
    PseudonymousPerson PseudonymousPerson 13-15, F 4 Responses Dec 19, 2012

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    Hi, I'm a 21 year old medical student living

    abroad, I was diagnosed with bipolar nearly 3 years ago, and before that I struggled a lot. I let it get quite far before my family told me to seek medical help, and finally gave me the courage to take a step forward. I've dealt with severe depression and bipolar for as long as...
    lily449 lily449 22-25, F 2 Responses Apr 26, 2015

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    Does anyone else get short bursts of depression?

    Sometimes I am really happy, and then all of a sudden, I get really depressed. All I want to to be alone, but not lonely. I feel like my friends aren't really my friends and don't care about me. I think darkly, and sadly. I wish I wouldn't feel like this, but I do. It started...
    AngelAmongClouds AngelAmongClouds 13-15, F 5 Responses Jan 8, 2015

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    only a couple of my close friends known,

    only the ones that have seen me break down and cry, or not say anything for an entire day, because I'm afraid I'll cry if I open my mouth. My parents don't know, most of the people in my life are clueless. and I hope to keep it that way
    olone olone 18-21, M 1 Response Aug 29, 2015

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    The problem with depression is.

    .. -You know you'll be ok, but you still feel awful. -You know people love you, but it doesn't feel like they do.
 -You know doing something will make you feel better, but you just don't know how to.
 -You want to be well, but you just can't seem to get there.
    Shygirl917 Shygirl917 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 13, 2014

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    Why Not Start By Listening?

    Call it what you will, but there is this part of you – an innate wisdom, if you will – that has tried and tried and tried to get you to stop and fix a part of you that broke a long time ago but you've told yourself that you either don't have enough money, don't have enough...
    maxximiliann maxximiliann 36-40, M Apr 20, 2012

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    savant84 savant84 31-35, M 1 Response Aug 2, 2015

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    Sumtimes I think its like mental.

    I will have a good day with ppl but then when im home i just like get riduculously lonley and feel like crap alot. freinds r getting tired of it too but sometimes its like i cant help it and its for no reason at all. People dont no cuz i act happy alot around them, i date lots...
    KrystalHi KrystalHi 13-15, F May 13, 2015

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    The Illusion

    Suffering depression is an illusion; That makes you believe that you can't be better; That you can't become better than what and where you are right now; We like to deceive ourselves because we don't like change. Hey but real growth lies outside of the comfort zone; How can you...
    indigowitch indigowitch 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 29, 2012

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    EP turned out to be a joke.

    I let my guard down and let someone in just to be judged, played, and crapped on......Thanks....really needed that.
    Mike14inPA Mike14inPA 18-21, M 2 Responses Jan 19

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    I Have to Put On a Brave Face

    It's hard but someone has to do it and in these cases, it has to be me. I've been depressed since Hurricane Katrina, I packed up what I could and we all headed for the open road and didn't really know where we were going. Since Katrina, so much has happened. An event that should...
    Dimples87 Dimples87 26-30, F 12 Responses Jul 14, 2008

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    People think I am strong

    but deep down inside.. I'm just pretend to be strong. I'm laughing when I'm nervous. I'm always laugh to cover what's inside my head.
    arkhamel arkhamel 31-35, F 4 Responses Dec 11, 2014

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    I Am A Potato

    i am reaching 18 years of age soon and i have been unhappy for a while. since about 14 years old have been very insecure and i have a low self-esteem. i do have my days when i feel so great about myself but they don't last long. I feel like i am always a second choice to everyone...
    kyleesmiley kyleesmiley 18-21, F Dec 1, 2012

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    I don't have anyone to talk to

    so I'm going to write it on here in hopes to feel a relief I guess. For starters I'm a 19 year old woman I am from SLC, UT. I guess I'll just write a little bit about myself from the beginning actually. I've lived in salt lake almost my whole life, growing up I was a pretty good...
    chana801 chana801 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 16, 2015

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    The End

    Somedays I just want to end it all. I'm so lonely, I have no friends and hardly see my family. No one knows how I feel, what's the point. No one would notice if I was wrong, so I may as well stop myself from being this unhappy right? I can't take this anymore, I'm worth nothing.
    JustJay18 JustJay18 18-21 1 Response Aug 8, 2013

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    I'm that person who can make you laugh,

    I'm that person who will listen carefully, I'm that person who will supports and stay in difficult condition. But my past, my reality, haunts me and makes me feel torn apart. I laugh a lot to avoid these tears fall. it hurts in the middle of my chest.
    Ikimoem0 Ikimoem0 18-21, F 6 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    I'm seriously contemplating suicide .

    .. Again ... I thought I was over this
    alm0718 alm0718 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 8, 2015

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    I always thought people could tell

    that I was insecure and depressed, but I have a mask that I put on and everyone says I look perfect. You can almost never tell that I'm depressed I always wear a big smile to hide the pain. I can't kill myself, everytime I think about committing suicide, I think of all of the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jun 24, 2015

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    Hiding It From Most...

    I don't know why the sorrow goes so deep. Why there is no bottom to the pain at times. I try to surround myself with humor and have much to be thankful for. But the ache is always there. Has been there as long as I can remember. Very few people know. Why can't the sun...
    Snapple10 Snapple10 31-35, F 2 Responses Apr 7, 2012

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