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I Am Self Destructive

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,288 People

    I'm my biggest enemy.

    There isn't a time when I'm not trying to self destruct unless my friends are stopping me...
    leaguegirl97 leaguegirl97 18-21, F Nov 15, 2014

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    It's Frustrating When People Don't Understand

    In my boyfriend's mind breaking bones is better than cutting because it leaves no outward marks. Thankfully he doesn't try to change me. My best friend pities me because she says that I must feel so much worse than her to be driven to carve up my own skin. How do I explain that...
    beatrixrose beatrixrose 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 7, 2007

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    i cut my nails and hair

    now i miss mii :(
    Rain0069 Rain0069 26-30, F 1 Response Nov 11, 2015

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    I am destructive. Everything I care about I

    destroy. I seem like answer understanding person but in the end I am only pain and suffering. Don't bother with me. Don't trust me- don't even love me. I will ruin you-us-this. And you will wish you never met me.
    Mangocupcakes Mangocupcakes 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 13, 2014

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    sometimes death is the only thing

    which can make us free from pain
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jan 8

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    So... apparently, I've got issues.

    I just had a talk to my brother, or more like an argument. He says that I'm not at all reaching my potential because of how I think about myself. At some level, I believe I'm destined for isolation and loneliness. At some level, although I might put up the guise to try and...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Aug 24, 2015

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    I'm on the road to self destruction,

    but it's all my own fault, I pushed the button.
    HidingInTheMusic HidingInTheMusic 18-21, F Dec 10, 2015

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    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Jan 4, 2015

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    I have needed to be restrained

    before now because of the damage I would of done. Lucky I have got passed most of it but the feeling still lingers.
    sroonaka616 sroonaka616 18-21 Sep 27, 2015

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    I am very self destructive.

    I eat too much...or used to...used to cut myself, had sex with numerous people & didn't know most of them...didn't really care at the time. I gamble too much (that would be great if I had the money to do so or if I was winning money, but I'm not). Luckily I never started...
    RubyLane RubyLane 46-50, F Sep 23, 2014

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    I push away anyone and everyone worth while

    and I don't know if it's because I care for them too much or I just don't know how to cope with being loved by people because I can't get over all my past regrets. This was stupid and pointless more so an outlet so sorry if you made it to the bottom :).
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Mar 29, 2015

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    its time to go. no more fighting

    for what will never happen.
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 17, 2015

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    It seems that way sometimes.

    I always tend to do things and make the decisions that I know I shouldn't.
    funluvnangel funluvnangel 46-50, F 2 Responses Dec 17, 2015

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    I am slowly overcoming the urge to want to

    destroy myself completely.
    ErraticSarcastic ErraticSarcastic 26-30, F 3 Responses Oct 31, 2015

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    I've been cutting for three years now

    and I feel so lost. I beat myself up beause I know I am not worth it at all and I just want I curl up and throw myself out of a window. I'm scared
    lllie lllie 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 27, 2014

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    Time-bomb

    I'm a ticking time-bomb at times.... a self-destructive mess, set on maximum damage infliction, but only to myself i fear..... I don' t know what it is... or why I do it, but I do...... usually as a pre-emtive strike, a form of rejection before I am rejected.  I know its a form...
    lostlittlefirefly lostlittlefirefly 36-40, F 1 Response Jun 11, 2012

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    I want to crush my own head.

    Or stab my heart. Or jump from a skyscraper. I hate myself. I am useless. I can't do things I should do. I don't want to be here, but I am also not sure what I really want. I can't just leave and hurt people, but I can't find a win-win solution. I am so stupid. No, I've made no...
    69moonchild 69moonchild 70+ 1 Response May 27, 2014

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    I'm afraid of what I've become.

    I don't know who I am anymore. I'm confused. Depression has become my life, I wouldn't know how to live without it. I have destroyed myself with depression, I let it take over me. I have lost my excitement in things, I stopped believing in people and I don't want to believe...
    Allaloneandpoisoned Allaloneandpoisoned 22-25, F Sep 11, 2014

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    I feel like I am incapable of letting myself to

    be truly happy. I need to be perfect, I need to always do the right thing -and if I don't, I get anxious. I feel like I don't deserve to feel pleasure and enjoyment. I don't deserve to be happy. So most of the time I only have "emptiness" or "sadness" inside me. It sucks. But I...
    69moonchild 69moonchild 70+ 1 Response Oct 10, 2014

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    Self Harm

    Pretty self explanatory really.
    anonymousme anonymousme 18-21, F 5 Responses Sep 5, 2007

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    With Tear In Her Eyes She Said

    I just took five pills sean I might take more Im not going to feel good tomorrow sean Maybe you wont do this to me anymore I doubt it though You dont care how I feel you dont care that I took those pills You don't care at all I thought we battled with the same emotional...
    YoucancallmeJuliet YoucancallmeJuliet 26-30, F Oct 27, 2011

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    u always said I will destroy u.

    ......there u have it.....happy..........I am gone........a bridge is harder than a car.....I am willing to test that theory......btw....they will call u first.....the note is there........its all on u......
    huckleberrybunches huckleberrybunches 36-40, M 3 Responses Feb 15, 2015

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    It Makes Me Feel Good

    well,when my feelings of strong loneliness,betrayal,pain,helplessness and PARANOIA get me,i feel such a strong need for drinking,trying new drugs,isolation and cigarettes..i cut my arms because i don't know how to handle those mixed feelings..i always start fights with my friends...
    wilddarksick wilddarksick 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 31, 2010

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    I have a boy friend I've only been with him

    for a little while. But I fell head over heels in love with him. And I always somehow manage to hurt him.....I don't mean to. I love him i do. But I have trust issues and intimacy issues. And every guy in my life that has ever told me they love me had left me. Or hurt me. Or...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Dec 4, 2013

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    Hollow, I fall.

    Sometimes I just feel such emptiness, so hollow, so dark. I might be saying "Hello how are you" but I really mean "I'm empty and hollow, how are you ?". When I'm feeling this way, there's seems no point in trying to be positive or hopeful but rather my mind just justifies me...
    frankiegee frankiegee 46-50, M 2 Responses Mar 14, 2013

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    Drinking

    I don't drink alcohol very often, and I don't consider myself alcoholic. I do enjoy the occasional drink, but I don't crave it. Except, "occasional drink" is a bit of an understatement. See, whenever I am with friends on a night out, I either have to have nothing to drink at...
    Emptysoul30 Emptysoul30 22-25, M 10 Responses Apr 21, 2010

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    And I need somebody to help hold me together.

    .. I have such a hard time and i feel so alone now since it seems nobody cares enough about me to stay... I just want to find a love that wont hurt...
    EclecticDay EclecticDay 22-25, F Jun 11, 2015

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    I dont mine taking risk

    or doing dangerous stuff, i dont mind drinking And smoking, even in My family all the Men has suffer from cancer, i dont think twice when i have to do something dangerous, if u tell me "dont jump from the 10000 floor" maybe i Will do it just for fun. I dont need enemies, vais...
    Rustedarmor Rustedarmor 22-25, M 1 Response Mar 1, 2015

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    Why

    I just always set myself up for failure in everything I do. In school I just don't work hard enough and then I wonder why my grades are low. I try to fix "broken guys", which always ends in tears. I wait for my grandma to call me after not talking to her in a year. I...
    finalegirl15 finalegirl15 16-17, F 3 Responses Dec 16, 2007

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    I trick myself into thinking nobody likes me

    and then because of that I act weird and thus nobody likes me
    hebr0 hebr0 18-21, F 2 Responses Aug 15, 2014

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    came up with yet another silly reason not

    jumping on the treadmill today .......
    Rain0069 Rain0069 26-30, F 2 Responses Nov 21, 2015

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    sometimes i ask myself

    why im enjoying doing bad things , why i cant control myself and take good decesions ....
    AlbertOlami1 AlbertOlami1 22-25, M Mar 27, 2014

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    What is one self destructive habbit

    which you have never had the courage or the motivation to abandon?
    FreedFromFallacy FreedFromFallacy 22-25, F 4 Responses Dec 16, 2015

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    TheGirlFromJupiter TheGirlFromJupiter 18-21 1 Response Jan 15, 2015

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    Why am I so angry! I have

    so much anger inside of me. It's been there for a very long time. My anger came out today on someone- I wouldn't say they didn't deserve it but the rush I felt after made me anxious and I questioned myself "why are you so angry". I know I've been hurt and upset and depressed...
    lostneverfound lostneverfound 26-30, F Dec 27, 2015

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    My boyfriend who I thought I was going to spend

    the rest of my life with left me. We lived together, slept with each other every night. Took baths with each other made dinner for each other. He got me a ring and said he promises to be with me forever. My heart is broken: he said the relationship is not something he wants. He...
    Mangocupcakes Mangocupcakes 18-21, F Sep 14, 2014

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    I am the type of person

    that would try anything once. I like everything that is bad for me physically and emotionally. I think it has to do with the fact that i am my worst enemy so in a way i am trying to destroy this malice and loneliness inside of me. I am reckless and i will hurt those i care about...
    neptunemermaids neptunemermaids 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 28, 2015

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    Only sometimes... Work sometimes activates my

    self destruct sequence. My living situation also activates it. It will take on the form of feeling bored, then going out somewhere...it could involve eating good food, going to a movie, going to a park to think, sometimes a bar where I play pool...and sometimes nothing. I try...
    AdviceCannon AdviceCannon 31-35, M Aug 13, 2015

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    You never actually remember what suicidal feels

    like. What ready to run, not walk into the kitchen and stick a knife into your arm in primal hysteria is. When the desire to end yourself is as frantic as fight or flight. Never. Until you’re the one writhing on the dining room floor surrounded by scattered luggage screaming...
    WithoutChemicals WithoutChemicals 22-25, F Jun 23, 2015

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    I sabatoged my favorite relationship

    because I could trust and wait patiently. Now I'm sad and lonely. I can't love myself. I am dangerously brave and spontaneous. I like being alone to a degree. I talk too much. I'm always negative talking about my past which has traumatized me. I want to be happy with myself so I...
    soullover13 soullover13 36-40, F May 7, 2015

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    "Depression is a form of aggression.

    Transformed, this aggression is directed at the depressed person rather than at his environment. This regime of repressed and mutated aggression is a characteristic of both narcissism and depression. Indeed, narcissism is sometimes described as a form of “low-intensity...
    UndyingWraith UndyingWraith 31-35, M 1 Response Nov 19, 2015

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    There is no peace. In any given moment,

    I am finding ways to ruin things. I am finding excuses to not lead a normal life. Burning bridges. I have paved this road to nowhere and insist on walking it alone and with a bottle in hand. I don't trust the relationships in my life. I don't trust people enough to take their...
    bunnyXbunny bunnyXbunny 26-30, M 1 Response Aug 9, 2015

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    Destroy To Create

    Ever since I was a little girl, I have been self-destructive. In grade 3 I began to lie constantly, and it did not stop until I hit rock bottom a month ago. I have just recently found out that I have obsessive compulsive lying disorder. If that weren't enough to ruin every decent...
    BornofAshes BornofAshes 18-21, F 2 Responses Aug 18, 2012

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    Through and Through

    I am told this, even when I don't see it in myself.  I was told by someone close to me the other day that they know that I am feeling unfulfilled in my career at present and I asked how, and they responded that it was due to my self destructive behaviour- that once my job...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jul 31, 2008

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    I am a recovering alcoholic

    and trying to get clean from cocaine, legal, and weed. I enjoy talking to men 30+ years older than me. My favorite thing to do is drive 120 mph on the highway. I honestly feel the feeling of that, when my suicidal thoughts are racing and I want nothing more to do then drive into...
    uicke uicke 18-21, F 2 Responses