I Am Self Destructive

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,274 People

    My boyfriend who I thought I was going to spend

    the rest of my life with left me. We lived together, slept with each other every night. Took baths with each other made dinner for each other. He got me a ring and said he promises to be with me forever. My heart is broken: he said the relationship is not something he wants. He...
    Mangocupcakes Mangocupcakes
    18-21, F
    Sep 14, 2014

    It's Frustrating When People Don't Understand

    In my boyfriend's mind breaking bones is better than cutting because it leaves no outward marks. Thankfully he doesn't try to change me. My best friend pities me because she says that I must feel so much worse than her to be driven to carve up my own skin. How do I explain that...
    beatrixrose beatrixrose
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Dec 7, 2007

    I am a recovering alcoholic

    and trying to get clean from cocaine, legal, and weed. I enjoy talking to men 30+ years older than me. My favorite thing to do is drive 120 mph on the highway. I honestly feel the feeling of that, when my suicidal thoughts are racing and I want nothing more to do then drive into...
    uicke uicke
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jul 23, 2015
    TheGirlFromJupiter TheGirlFromJupiter
    18-21, F
    Jan 15, 2015

    There is no peace. In any given moment,

    I am finding ways to ruin things. I am finding excuses to not lead a normal life. Burning bridges. I have paved this road to nowhere and insist on walking it alone and with a bottle in hand. I don't trust the relationships in my life. I don't trust people enough to take their...
    bunnyXbunny bunnyXbunny
    26-30, M
    1 Response Aug 9, 2015

    I am very self destructive.

    I eat too much...or used to...used to cut myself, had sex with numerous people & didn't know most of them...didn't really care at the time. I gamble too much (that would be great if I had the money to do so or if I was winning money, but I'm not). Luckily I never started...
    RubyLane RubyLane
    46-50, F
    Sep 23, 2014

    Self Harm

    Pretty self explanatory really.
    anonymousme anonymousme
    22-25, F
    5 Responses Sep 5, 2007

    I push away anyone and everyone worth while

    and I don't know if it's because I care for them too much or I just don't know how to cope with being loved by people because I can't get over all my past regrets. This was stupid and pointless more so an outlet so sorry if you made it to the bottom :).
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    4 Responses Mar 29, 2015

    It seems that way sometimes.

    I always tend to do things and make the decisions that I know I shouldn't.
    funluvnangel funluvnangel
    46-50, F
    2 Responses Dec 17, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    7 Responses Jan 4, 2015

    What is one self destructive habbit

    which you have never had the courage or the motivation to abandon?
    FreedFromFallacy FreedFromFallacy
    22-25, F
    4 Responses Dec 16, 2015

    came up with yet another silly reason not

    jumping on the treadmill today .......
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Nov 21, 2015

    I have needed to be restrained

    before now because of the damage I would of done. Lucky I have got passed most of it but the feeling still lingers.
    sroonaka616 sroonaka616
    18-21
    Sep 27, 2015

    Why am I so angry! I have

    so much anger inside of me. It's been there for a very long time. My anger came out today on someone- I wouldn't say they didn't deserve it but the rush I felt after made me anxious and I questioned myself "why are you so angry". I know I've been hurt and upset and depressed...
    lostneverfound lostneverfound
    26-30, F
    Dec 27, 2015

    With Tear In Her Eyes She Said

    I just took five pills sean I might take more Im not going to feel good tomorrow sean Maybe you wont do this to me anymore I doubt it though You dont care how I feel you dont care that I took those pills You don't care at all I thought we battled with the same emotional...
    YoucancallmeJuliet YoucancallmeJuliet
    26-30, F
    Oct 27, 2011

    I sabatoged my favorite relationship

    because I could trust and wait patiently. Now I'm sad and lonely. I can't love myself. I am dangerously brave and spontaneous. I like being alone to a degree. I talk too much. I'm always negative talking about my past which has traumatized me. I want to be happy with myself so I...
    soullover13 soullover13
    36-40, F
    May 7, 2015

    You never actually remember what suicidal feels

    like. What ready to run, not walk into the kitchen and stick a knife into your arm in primal hysteria is. When the desire to end yourself is as frantic as fight or flight. Never. Until you’re the one writhing on the dining room floor surrounded by scattered luggage screaming...
    WithoutChemicals WithoutChemicals
    22-25, F
    Jun 23, 2015

    People keep telling me

    that it's going to get better but they don't see the full truth. At some point, I began to resent my life and everything in it. Maybe it's because I realised that I am fundamentally unhappy. Now I find myself fighting to maintain a smiling face so that I can wither away in peace...
    songoutofplace songoutofplace
    18-21, F
    1 Response Feb 28

    I've been cutting for three years now

    and I feel so lost. I beat myself up beause I know I am not worth it at all and I just want I curl up and throw myself out of a window. I'm scared
    lllie lllie
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Mar 27, 2014

    I trick myself into thinking nobody likes me

    and then because of that I act weird and thus nobody likes me
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Aug 15, 2014

    So... apparently, I've got issues.

    I just had a talk to my brother, or more like an argument. He says that I'm not at all reaching my potential because of how I think about myself. At some level, I believe I'm destined for isolation and loneliness. At some level, although I might put up the guise to try and...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Aug 24, 2015

    Fell Back Into The Habit

    Well...today I broke my clean streak of cutting. I was 2 years and 5 months clean. I would always feel the urge to do it, but I always talked myself back out of it. And I got help for it when I first stopped. But today...I just felt overwhelmed and I broke down. I am not proud of...
    ladidoddy ladidoddy
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Oct 25, 2012

    u always said I will destroy u.

    ......there u have it.....happy..........I am gone........a bridge is harder than a car.....I am willing to test that theory......btw....they will call u first.....the note is there........its all on u......
    huckleberrybunches huckleberrybunches
    36-40, M
    3 Responses Feb 15, 2015

    So Many Times

    for years i have battled with reckless,destructive and addictive behaviour im not sure why i do it,but i will do something so stupid or fuckd upand feel low about it+then do something to numb the painit can be a vicious cycleits almost like there is something in my mind saying...
    geekoftheweek geekoftheweek
    26-30, F
    1 Response May 22, 2012

    Hollow, I fall.

    Sometimes I just feel such emptiness, so hollow, so dark. I might be saying "Hello how are you" but I really mean "I'm empty and hollow, how are you ?". When I'm feeling this way, there's seems no point in trying to be positive or hopeful but rather my mind just justifies me...
    frankiegee frankiegee
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Mar 14, 2013

    "Depression is a form of aggression.

    Transformed, this aggression is directed at the depressed person rather than at his environment. This regime of repressed and mutated aggression is a characteristic of both narcissism and depression. Indeed, narcissism is sometimes described as a form of “low-intensity...
    UndyingWraith UndyingWraith
    31-35, M
    1 Response Nov 19, 2015
    FreedFromFallacy FreedFromFallacy
    22-25, F
    Feb 2

    It Makes Me Feel Good

    well,when my feelings of strong loneliness,betrayal,pain,helplessness and PARANOIA get me,i feel such a strong need for drinking,trying new drugs,isolation and cigarettes..i cut my arms because i don't know how to handle those mixed feelings..i always start fights with my friends...
    wilddarksick wilddarksick
    18-21, F
    1 Response Aug 31, 2010

    sometimes death is the only thing

    which can make us free from pain
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Jan 8

    Time-bomb

    I'm a ticking time-bomb at times.... a self-destructive mess, set on maximum damage infliction, but only to myself i fear..... I don' t know what it is... or why I do it, but I do...... usually as a pre-emtive strike, a form of rejection before I am rejected.  I know its a form...
    lostlittlefirefly lostlittlefirefly
    36-40, F
    1 Response Jun 11, 2012

    Through and Through

    I am told this, even when I don't see it in myself.  I was told by someone close to me the other day that they know that I am feeling unfulfilled in my career at present and I asked how, and they responded that it was due to my self destructive behaviour- that once my job...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Jul 31, 2008

    Why

    I just always set myself up for failure in everything I do. In school I just don't work hard enough and then I wonder why my grades are low. I try to fix "broken guys", which always ends in tears. I wait for my grandma to call me after not talking to her in a year. I...
    finalegirl15 finalegirl15
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Dec 16, 2007

    well...it's true. ..but idk how to create

    without destruction.. lol, sounds like art.
    Nonotu Nonotu
    26-30, F
    Apr 5

    I am the type of person

    that would try anything once. I like everything that is bad for me physically and emotionally. I think it has to do with the fact that i am my worst enemy so in a way i am trying to destroy this malice and loneliness inside of me. I am reckless and i will hurt those i care about...
    neptunemermaids neptunemermaids
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Apr 28, 2015

    I'm my biggest enemy.

    There isn't a time when I'm not trying to self destruct unless my friends are stopping me...
    leaguegirl97 leaguegirl97
    18-21, F
    Nov 15, 2014

    Destroy To Create

    Ever since I was a little girl, I have been self-destructive. In grade 3 I began to lie constantly, and it did not stop until I hit rock bottom a month ago. I have just recently found out that I have obsessive compulsive lying disorder. If that weren't enough to ruin every decent...
    BornofAshes BornofAshes
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Aug 18, 2012

    I'm afraid of what I've become.

    I don't know who I am anymore. I'm confused. Depression has become my life, I wouldn't know how to live without it. I have destroyed myself with depression, I let it take over me. I have lost my excitement in things, I stopped believing in people and I don't want to believe...
    Allaloneandpoisoned Allaloneandpoisoned
    22-25, F
    Sep 11, 2014

    I have a boy friend I've only been with him

    for a little while. But I fell head over heels in love with him. And I always somehow manage to hurt him.....I don't mean to. I love him i do. But I have trust issues and intimacy issues. And every guy in my life that has ever told me they love me had left me. Or hurt me. Or...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Dec 4, 2013

    i cut my nails and hair

    now i miss mii :(
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Nov 11, 2015

    I am destructive. Everything I care about I

    destroy. I seem like answer understanding person but in the end I am only pain and suffering. Don't bother with me. Don't trust me- don't even love me. I will ruin you-us-this. And you will wish you never met me.
    Mangocupcakes Mangocupcakes
    18-21, F
    1 Response Aug 13, 2014

    sometimes i ask myself

    why im enjoying doing bad things , why i cant control myself and take good decesions ....
    AlbertOlami1 AlbertOlami1
    22-25, M
    Mar 27, 2014

    I am slowly overcoming the urge to want to

    destroy myself completely.
    ErraticSarcastic ErraticSarcastic
    31-35, F
    1 Response Oct 31, 2015

    its time to go. no more fighting

    for what will never happen.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    May 17, 2015

    I Keep Mucking Up Relationships

    I can't shut up my brain. And then that gets really loud and so it has to come out of my mouth. I keep destroying my relationships. In an effort to try to avoid this I have become a recluse, but then I start online relationships, but sooner or later I muck up those too. Even...
    Gamora Gamora
    41-45, F
    May 8, 2012

    And I need somebody to help hold me together.

    .. I have such a hard time and i feel so alone now since it seems nobody cares enough about me to stay... I just want to find a love that wont hurt...
    EclecticDay EclecticDay
    22-25, F
    Jun 11, 2015

    I'm on the road to self destruction,

    but it's all my own fault, I pushed the button.
    HidingInTheMusic HidingInTheMusic
    18-21, F
    Dec 10, 2015
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