Post

I Am Self Destructive

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 972 People

    My Self Destruction

    Around 2000 I had a major self destruction. I was attending a great university and I kept having issues with my father. He always put so much pressure on me to be perfect and would always threaten me if I didnt meet up to his expectations. I would get these threats about 3 times...
    Silver01ta Silver01ta 26-30, M 1 Response Apr 14, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    22 And I'm Shutting Down.

    I'm not new to EP, just a new account. I thought I would start over and see how I differ from a few years back. The fact is, there's not much of a difference. I am self destructive in many ways. I'm a bulimic. I really hate my body. I really love food. I really hate my...
    ashleynw90 ashleynw90 22-25, F 1 Response Sep 20, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It Has Always Been So Normal To Me.

    Since I was a little 5 year old child. It started as simple nail biting, which then developed into skin biting. Gross, sort of. In some years, I managed to stop it - I didnt want to end like my father, half of his nails chewed off forever - but the minor destructive behavior was...
    DionStrifer DionStrifer 13-15 Sep 22, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Always Being Destructive

    i am 14 i have diabetes i thought it was the endi have tried to kill my self 57 times at least i have tons of cuts and scars i always choose lieng over telling the truth i have severe depression i take meds but they dont help i cut alot i drink everynight i was once so fudged up...
    epicnick13 epicnick13 13-15, M 1 Response Aug 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A B U S E D

    I am self-destructive because I was abused by my parents. They saw that I deserved pain, Now I see that I deserve it too. Recently moving out of the house has only changed one thing. My abuser is now me instead of my parents. I have been self-destructive for a few years And...
    wannabeuhrockstar wannabeuhrockstar 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Despair

    Despair My hatred breeds stronger. A claim about wanting to be friends. Why? I already was your friend, your soul mate. most people confuse sou mate with lover. Maybe I did, you never did. In the end, you did, and I didn't. I imagined I was a good friend. I made the...
    worknplayhard13 worknplayhard13 36-40, M Sep 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    With Tear In Her Eyes She Said

    I just took five pills sean I might take more Im not going to feel good tomorrow sean Maybe you wont do this to me anymore I doubt it though You dont care how I feel you dont care that I took those pills You don't care at all I thought we battled with the same emotional...
    YoucancallmeJuliet YoucancallmeJuliet 26-30, F Oct 27, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When I was younger and reality was too much to

    handle and I was too upset to know what to do with myself,I'd freakout and bash my head on walls.I think all the trauma is starting to catch up with me. I get lost in my head from time to time and forget things or make the wrong decision.I know what the right answer is but I do...
    KindaCrazy KindaCrazy 18-21, F Dec 4, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Pain.

    I wear long sleeves. Mostly sweaters and jackets to hide them, my battle scars. Why do you self-harm? I do it to feel something. I am so used to being let down that i want to feel something. When you're let down you're numb right? Or is that just me? They started off small...
    gurotik gurotik 18-21, F Nov 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Story

    It all started when I was just 3 years old, when my dad left home, fortunately he didn’t leave forever like some other fathers do… Until I turned 7 we had a lot of contact. He lived near us, and every very weekend I got to see him and spend time with him, I remember how happy...
    AnotherFuckingBlogger AnotherFuckingBlogger 22-25 Aug 30, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am

    I am self destructive in many ways. I push my friends away, I'm rude to them, I don't show them how much I appreciate them, and these last few days I haven't answerd them when they have called or texted me. I think they have started to realize that I've got some serious issues...
    SimplyGinger SimplyGinger 18-21, F 3 Responses May 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    sometimes i ask myself

    why im enjoying doing bad things , why i cant control myself and take good decesions ....
    AlbertOlami1 AlbertOlami1 18-21, M Mar 27

    Your Response

    Cancel

    expression

    Whenever I argue with someone, I can never talk about it with them because I'm typically the passive one. So I engage in a lot of risky behaviour, such as abusing solvents to the point of hallucinations and passing out. I smoke, I self-harm and I'm one of the most sarcastic...
    AsherBarakat AsherBarakat 22-25, F 1 Response Jun 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I've been cutting for three years now

    and I feel so lost. I beat myself up beause I know I am not worth it at all and I just want I curl up and throw myself out of a window. I'm scared
    lllie lllie 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 27

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cutting Myself Down

    It's a mode of negativity that my mind gets into. I put myself down so that when someone else does it it won't hurt as bad. The reality is that I'm screwing myself over. I ruin myself by doing this. Mental harm sometimes progresses to physical harm. I can see now just how bad...
    McDreamy McDreamy 16-18, M 1 Response Jan 23, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Keep Hurting Myself

    I really don't understand it.  I'm trying to develop a healthy self-value and yet I seem to be sabotaging myself.   This week it has been eating crap (sugar!!!! - which makes me sick, but like an addiction, I keep on going to it), popping pills just to pop them and...
    spudgirl spudgirl 41-45 Oct 14, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I reliesed recently that i am ,

    actually it can get very bad at times ,especially when E was gone:'(
    AussieListener AussieListener 18-21, M 2 Responses Dec 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I left my box cutter at work

    for a co-worker....it is not the only means I have to cut myself with... ...What is wrong with me?.. "It's a silent murder, the grave that sings your song." ....my grave sings for me this night....I want to be cold in the ground, immobile, unfeeling...but I cannot...I will not...
    BlackRosesTurnBlue BlackRosesTurnBlue 18-21, F Mar 17

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Fell Back Into The Habit

    Well...today I broke my clean streak of cutting. I was 2 years and 5 months clean. I would always feel the urge to do it, but I always talked myself back out of it. And I got help for it when I first stopped. But today...I just felt overwhelmed and I broke down. I am not proud of...
    ladidoddy ladidoddy 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 25, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I don't know what it is,

    but I do these things that I know have bad consequences. How could they turn out well? And then I try to absolve myself of guilt afterwards all the while feeling self-destructive in my bones.
    Jenuinely Jenuinely 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Self Harm

    Pretty self explanatory really.
    anonymousme anonymousme 21-25, F 5 Responses Sep 5, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    That Mode

    I can get into that mode so easily. Too manic, too down, either one can send me into a destructive spiral. Caring less, driving faster, taking more chances... like walking on the ledge of a five story garage in Ybor. Lots of brick roads below to catch my fall. I think it's a game...
    mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality 36-40, F 1 Response Oct 27, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    One Solution

    Have you ever really looked at your life? I mean taken a long, hard, look and thought to yourself, what happened? I've always been somewhat of a self destructive person, for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, things for my family were always rough. Financially, we never...
    lacedup77 lacedup77 26-30, M 1 Response Jun 24, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    And I just realized it.

    I've been self-sabotaging my relationships, career, health, and happiness all along - and for completely selfish reasons.
    boneknuckleskin boneknuckleskin 26-30, M Feb 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So Many Times

    for years i have battled with reckless,destructive and addictive behaviour im not sure why i do it,but i will do something so stupid or fuckd upand feel low about it+then do something to numb the painit can be a vicious cycleits almost like there is something in my mind saying...
    geekoftheweek geekoftheweek 26-30, F 1 Response May 22, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's Frustrating When People Don't Understand

    In my boyfriend's mind breaking bones is better than cutting because it leaves no outward marks. Thankfully he doesn't try to change me. My best friend pities me because she says that I must feel so much worse than her to be driven to carve up my own skin. How do I explain that...
    beatrixrose beatrixrose 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 7, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It Makes Me Feel Good

    well,when my feelings of strong loneliness,betrayal,pain,helplessness and PARANOIA get me,i feel such a strong need for drinking,trying new drugs,isolation and cigarettes..i cut my arms because i don't know how to handle those mixed feelings..i always start fights with my friends...
    wilddarksick wilddarksick 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 31, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Ending Cycle...

    First I blame other people for how they made me feel.... Then I feel stupid and start creating random problems that don't even exist due to my depression and I blame myself for everything, for f***ing my life up and making myself this way so I punish myself by cutting or not...
    ElliePhantomhive ElliePhantomhive 13-15, F Jun 12, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Nexus of Crisis...origin of Storms

    i think this suicidal streak runs in my family. I dont think im mentally ill or disturbed....im a genius and im misunderstood. Family doesnt appreciate isolation or reflectig...thus im the outcast. ha! i pop pills...smoke weed...though thats recreational not destructive. I fall...
    jackass jackass 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 25, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Destroy To Create

    Ever since I was a little girl, I have been self-destructive. In grade 3 I began to lie constantly, and it did not stop until I hit rock bottom a month ago. I have just recently found out that I have obsessive compulsive lying disorder. If that weren't enough to ruin every decent...
    BornofAshes BornofAshes 18-21, F 2 Responses Aug 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have a boy friend I've only been with him

    for a little while. But I fell head over heels in love with him. And I always somehow manage to hurt him.....I don't mean to. I love him i do. But I have trust issues and intimacy issues. And every guy in my life that has ever told me they love me had left me. Or hurt me. Or...
    Innocentangel69 Innocentangel69 13-15, F 4 Responses Dec 4, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Drinking

    I don't drink alcohol very often, and I don't consider myself alcoholic. I do enjoy the occasional drink, but I don't crave it. Except, "occasional drink" is a bit of an understatement. See, whenever I am with friends on a night out, I either have to have nothing to drink at...
    Emptysoul30 Emptysoul30 22-25, M 10 Responses Apr 21, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hollow, I fall.

    Sometimes I just feel such emptiness, so hollow, so dark. I might be saying "Hello how are you" but I really mean "I'm empty and hollow, how are you ?". When I'm feeling this way, there's seems no point in trying to be positive or hopeful but rather my mind just justifies me...
    frankiegee frankiegee 46-50, M 2 Responses Mar 14, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When Bored

    I tend to do stupid things when I'm unbearably bored.
    Sinaname Sinaname 26-30 1 Response Jul 13, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Through and Through

    I am told this, even when I don't see it in myself.  I was told by someone close to me the other day that they know that I am feeling unfulfilled in my career at present and I asked how, and they responded that it was due to my self destructive behaviour- that once my job...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jul 31, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Story...

    When I was younger I used to cut myself and it worked for me. I really felt better after doing it, and was even proud of my scars. Now life has changed, I´ve seen a lot since then and lost that habit. But I see that I´m even more self-destructive than then. Now what...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Oct 25, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    For some reason I like to punish myself.

    Through eating disorders, drinking, drugs and self harm. I just like making myself suffer...
    ScarlettDarkness ScarlettDarkness 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am no longer okay. Again.

    I had a major break down today. I think it might’ve been an anxiety attack. It was really bad. I cried and cried. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like there was someone pushing down on my chest. I couldn’t take a full breath. I felt my skin go cold then warm and I felt chills...
    WinterUnicorn WinterUnicorn 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why

    I just always set myself up for failure in everything I do. In school I just don't work hard enough and then I wonder why my grades are low. I try to fix "broken guys", which always ends in tears. I wait for my grandma to call me after not talking to her in a year. I...
    finalegirl15 finalegirl15 16-18, F 3 Responses Dec 16, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Destrxctive Destrxctive 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 23

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Self Destructive

    I think i hurt myself in to many ways its hard to explain...I hate growing up in a ****** *** life..with no one believeing me..No one to trust and no one to care for me..its like i am in a shelter of a **** hole... I mean its like i was abused by my own mother in past and now...
    Tazz917 Tazz917 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 29, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Time-bomb

    I'm a ticking time-bomb at times.... a self-destructive mess, set on maximum damage infliction, but only to myself i fear..... I don' t know what it is... or why I do it, but I do...... usually as a pre-emtive strike, a form of rejection before I am rejected.  I know its a form...
    lostlittlefirefly lostlittlefirefly 31-35, F 1 Response Jun 11, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Im Not Even Sure Why...

    Im 14. And I cut myself. Alot. Almost every night I cut my arms and my legs and my things and...well anything. But I dont know why I do it. I love the way my blood looks. I like how it makes me feel alive and important when I see my blood. I kinda cut myself just because I like...
    Russian0Ice Russian0Ice 13-15, F Aug 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Self Destruct Button

    Sometimes,I wonder,What it would be like,A self destruct button,Pushing it,Waiting to see,What happens next,What if it works?What if it don't?Perhaps,I'll never know,I'm not that silly,Oh ****,Just pushed the button!
    lazycrazybasket lazycrazybasket 46-50, M Dec 22, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Scars

    Before I was put on medication, I was going through a very hard time trying to control my emotions. Every time I look at my arm, I am reminded of the time when i took scissors and cut three 2 -inch deep gashes into my arm. I remember just watching blood, and feeling so calm. My...
    holysantorinis holysantorinis 16-17 1 Response Aug 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Relapse

    I thought i had stopped. I was clean for a year and a half. But in the last two weeks i have self harmed more than 20 times. But what can i say, the blade is my worst ennemy, it's my best friend. I use it when i feel no more alive than a rag doll. It makes me feel relief. But...
    hippiegirlxox hippiegirlxox 16-17, F Oct 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Related Experiences

    All Things Run In Cycles - The Path Through The Darkness If there is one thing I have learned for certain it is that ALL things run in cycles. Funerals and weddings and...
    NoahBody123 NoahBody123 51-55 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ❗️ my be trigging ❗️I have self-harmed in about 7-8weeks and I'm finding it harder and harder. I miss that blade going throw my skin and the blood dripping off me. I have...
    leon789 leon789 18-21, M 3 Responses 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    my selfie game is strong, never weak. 😊
    VictoriaHall VictoriaHall 13-15, F 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I love taking selfies cause I'm Beautiful even if no one else thinks I am I LOVE ME
    SomeThingSweat SomeThingSweat 36-40, F 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    For you (many, girls), who cut yourselves. Please remember that some of us love you, care about you. ----- Food for thought (an article from Psychology Today) ----- Sax on Sex...
    Karll Karll 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Have you ever felt like your driving force in your mind made a bad turn? You off the right road and somehow got lost? Negative self talk can do damage to self esteem. It can have...
    aries3296 aries3296 46-50, F 1 Response 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I self harm. I've been self harming since i was 11 years old i am now 14 and i am slowly starting to recover. A year ago i attempted suicide and nearly succeed, but my best mate...
    jayspiller1 jayspiller1 13-15, F 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    It started when I was 10 or 11. Things were going badly at home and I was struggling with undiagnosed depression and anxiety. I'd cut to relieve my anxiety and keep me calm, to...
    skinnylittlewrists skinnylittlewrists 16-17, F Mar 31

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I don't know where to begin when It comes to my experience with self harm. I started cutting when I was 13, the first time I had ever self harmed was in my bathroom with a large...
    musicforthemorningafter musicforthemorningafter 13-15, F Apr 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    That night I was scrolling through tumblr. I recently searched up the words skinny, thigh gap, anorexia, collar bones, death, self harm,....etc. I decided I would film what goes...
    MorbidRainbow MorbidRainbow 13-15, F 1 Response a week ago