I Am Separated, Soon to Divorce Forum & Chat Board | soon to hopefully be divorced

It's been17months since i filed for divorce to who i thot was the man of my dreams of 32 yrs. when I discovered he had had an affair with my best friend (and i suspect more but he wouldn't tell me) It caused me to have a nervous breakdown and i was in the hospital for a week. I tried to make it with him, but it just seemed impossible, I had always let him be the boss and me the servant, as church taught us that the man was the head and the women were to be obedient to there husbands, so i got caught up in that and done what i thot was right, not knowing my husband and best friend fr. church were having an affair, so now i'm still waiting for my divorce to be final, not one penny of alimony, I'm on SSD and drawed $580 a month til last month when i got 686 because the agreed to pay me medicare premiums. Where do i go from here, at the age of 53 it's hard to start over, change is a hard thing especially when your older, but our relationship is over and we can't make it together, nor do i want to go back to being under subjection to him or any man, I feel God accepts my situation since he committed adultery, but i also see why many women stay with there husband to keep fr. having to try to make it on there own, It's a big world out there and change is hard, not knowing what the future holds for u, where you'll live and how you'll live? I hope no one else has had to deal witht his kind of situation, if so u have my heartfelt sympathy, I don't think no one deserves to be done this way, and should be told, as i was told everybody knew it but you,which is so sad. i have health problems, fibromaylgia, stomach problems, ibs, rls, diverticulitis, osteoarthritis, degenerative disc in my bac, and yet i keep pushing though i'm not able, i dedicated my life to taking care of him and our children working 3 jobs a day to see that our children dressed and looked like all the other kids so they wouldn't be shunned and made fun of life i was when i went to school, MY mood is confused, sad, concerned , uncertain, and worried. so where do i go from here?