I Am Socially Awkward Forum & Chat Board | Awkward in college

So I have been stressing over my social awkwardness and anxiety for years now.  Ever since junior high hit, I have been pulling back more and more socially.  I become very upset over this issue, seeing everyone here at college making new friends and hanging out. Last year, one of my good friends went to college with me, so I was alright with just hanging out with her.  This year, she transferred, so I requested a single room because I just could not handle living with someone I did not know.  Although, this seemed to make me worse.  I go to class, work, and then come back and hibernate in my room.  

Being in my second year at a University, you would think many people would have made good friends and would be involved on campus, but I am far from that.  When I am forced to talk to others in class, when doing group work, I get nervous and do not know what to say.  I am usually quiet in class and do not speak out.  When I have to get up in front of the class, I talk really fast and my face gets bright red.  I just dont know what to do to improve my situation.  I just want to beable to make some friends or at least beable to talk to someone I dont know, normally, and stop running away from my fears.  On the weekends, I will not go out and have fun because big crowds make me so nervous and my anxiety gets very high.  I need some advice/help! I dont know what to do 

 

Been there, done that!  I missed so much that college had to offer because I was just too shy - and had serious social anxiety - to put myself out there.  I went all through college without making a single friend on campus!  This is one of my big regrets in life.  Had I been more social, perhaps I wouldn't have made such horrible decisions in my love life.

First, see your medical doctor.  Unlike when I was in college, there are meds for that now!  Decades later, when I started taking zoloft for depression (which is very common among the socially anxious) I found that it helped relieve the anxiety too. 

Second, get therapy.  Almost all of the socially awkward are that way because we never learned social skills, and just as many had childhood experiences that "taught" them that being vulnerable (as one has to be in order to risk trying to make friends) is just too dangerous.

You need to articulate your specific fears, figure out where they come from (but don't spend decades in therapy on this one!  It's really not that hard once you get started), and CHOOSE to take a different approach.

Also, seriously consider attending freshman social activities on campus.  They are designed to help students make friends and develop a support network.  If anyone asks, just tell them that you're attending even though you're not a freshman because your support network needs work.  They don't need to know more than that.

If you're working on all that, then the benefit to having a single dorm room is that you can escape when the stress of socializing becomes too much.  Just resist the urge to use it as a hiding place.

You can choose to set your life on a more productive, rewarding and satisfying course.  Take the chance!  You have nothing to lose.  Trust me.

 

I am in the same boat as you. I too have my own room. but it is within a campus apartment, so I share the kitchen/living with 3 other girls. I had a couple friends, but they too transferred. I hate sitting alone in the lunch area, and so tend to stay in my apartment to eat.

Although I do regret missing out on the "tv college life", I am okay with what I am doing.  You will graduate and get a job where you will meet other people. You will have a life you want to life, you just have to get through these 4 years.

 

Take it a day at a time. Stay positive and just keep trying everyday to make progress, maybe face some of these fears and just get brave and keep persevering until you become more comfortable. 
Have you checked out any of the campus activities? Like if there were clubs that you were genuinely interested in, I suggest giving that a try.

But most importantly, I think you should just try to experience college with a smile, you don't know how many people talk to me or remembered my face (when I later met them at a party) just because they said I was always smiling and that they thought I looked really approachable. 

In college, the work is something you "get through", and the rest of it is something you should enjoy. I'm glad that you want to make things better, but you need to stop kicking yourself for being in your second year and not in the situation you would like to be in, the way i see it is:
okay, so those two years in the past, forget about them. they already passed. but what about the next two?