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I Am Still Recovering

Recovery is a process. 284 People

    I'm trying so hard to be happy,

    and live life in a positive way... But it's so difficult and I want to cut so bad I feel the need to but I don't know if I even care what anyone else will say if they see... Idk what to even do anymore):
    InsecureTiana InsecureTiana 13-15, F 2 Responses Jan 22

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    http://youtu.be/dS5y3IHWOB4 Old me.

    New me sets boundaries and strives to defeat the urge to be the old me.
    Livyn4pals Livyn4pals 46-50, M Feb 21

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    Since 3 years I had depressions.

    I lived in a small town in Germany and my class hated me. From the very first moment 'til the last I had there.In 7th grade they started bullying me, I thought about suicide and started cutting.I stopped for a few months, started again. When I wasn't cutting I hit myself, took...
    LilySophieGreen LilySophieGreen 16-17, F May 26

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    I Won't Lie

    Some nights, many nights, I pace outside the bathroom door. I have felt the weight of last night's meal, heavy, gluey, I have felt it itching to crawl back up my esophagus. Some nights, well. (I won't lie.) But this night, many nights, I turn away, Back to bed, back to sleep.
    mariacaterina mariacaterina 16-17, F Dec 30, 2012

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    Voices Are Still Here

    I know I said that this will be my positive account but it is so damn hard to think and be positive all the time, to shut up and not listen voices in my head saying: dont eat that, you dont need food, exercise more.. and I am really trying to be better but i just feel such a...
    WayToHappiness WayToHappiness 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 4, 2012

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    Hey guys. It's been..

    a month+ since everything happened? The depression.. I'm not sure about that but I've surely procrastinated. I was a top student. I'm so behind. Besides that I've been.. hiding myself. Flirting, distracting myself from him. But today he was brought up and now he's back in my...
    ThanhN ThanhN 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 27, 2013

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    Recovery-july 4, 2013 At 8:36 Am.

    Recovery! I am in recovery! LOL. Sounds a bit like I am recovering some furniture. I am recovering myself! Listen! What does recovery mean? As defined, it means regaining or improving a former condition. And it also means the regaining of something lost. Many of us think of...
    PoetryNEmotion PoetryNEmotion 51-55, F 2 Responses Jul 4, 2013

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    It's been about what,

    a week since I experienced my "heartbreak"? Don't get me wrong; my heart still aches for him. But I'm getting better. I haven't cried every single minute to the hour. But I decided to catch up with family and friends. And it feels pretty good, very exciting. I don't know how...
    ThanhN ThanhN 16-17, F Dec 1, 2013

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    Disordered

    I've been eating disordered since i was 16 years old. I'm 24 now. It started out as anorexia, turned into bulimia, and then binge eating. I am so unhappy with my weight. I've been trying to recover for the past 8 years - a long time to struggle with something that is a daily...
    Mary1634 Mary1634 22-25, F 1 Response May 7, 2011

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    A Day In The Life Of A Nobody.

    Major depression. Cyclothymia. Schizotypal. Anxiety. Anxiety. Anxiety. Self harm. Lie. Razors. Suicide. Therapy. Pills. Overdose. Suicide. Lie. Mental hospital. Lie. Suicide. Overdose. Cut. Cut. Cut. Lie. Therapy. Overdose. Suicide. Mental hospital. Molested. Lie. Overdose...
    somethingbecomingnothing somethingbecomingnothing 18-21, F Sep 3, 2012

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    Fighting For Freedom

    When I think back to my dark times, I remember that they were only a few weeks ago. Sometimes I miss them as odd as it may seem. Not eating and throwing up everyday made me feel strong. I thought I was strong for hurting myself. Three days after I started recovery I descovered a...
    StarvedAndScarred StarvedAndScarred 18-21, F Sep 13, 2012

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    Time That Has Past But Still Hangs Over Head...

    So last March i had a major breakdown... I had been having a lot of problems with depression... I took my life into my own hands and swallowed enough anti depressants to put myself into respiratory arrest, damage my liver and kidneys, and give myself a sever case of pneumonia...
    Thatguywiththebluehair Thatguywiththebluehair 22-25, M 1 Response Feb 20, 2011

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    Our Path - February 19

    I just spent several hours with someone from my group, and I feel like I'm losing my mind. This woman insisted that the only way I would make progress in my program was to go to her church and succumb to her religious rules. She pushed and insisted, and insisted and pushed. She's...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Feb 18, 2013

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    I've had various eating disorders

    for the last six and a half years. (That number makes me so angry, and sad.) I've been actively trying to recover (on my own) for about a year/a year and a half now, with not much success. The hardest part (if I had to choose one) is probably the constant fight that goes on...
    letsmakeithappen letsmakeithappen 18-21, F Jan 18

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    Grace Over Repression

    I still have days When my wounded self Overrides my hard-earned recovery A vague sub-consciousness Of some debilitating grip Common emotional neglect Useless insecurities and doubts Slithering fears They loom large at times And out of proportion Seems unfair To wage war with the...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M 1 Response Dec 25, 2012

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    How To Recover Pictures And Video From Kingston Sdhc Card?

    What’s SDHC card?SDHC (Secure Digital High Capacity) is an extension of the SD standard which increases card’s storage capacity up to 32 GB. Its family includes SDHC, miniSDHC and microSDHC, and they have a capacity of 4GB to 32GB. It is FAT32 file system. SDHC cards share...
    maggiena maggiena 26-30, F May 17, 2011

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    Hello, I don't know why I'm addressing this

    as if I'm talking to someone but I think it's nice to think I'm talking to someone else. These posts are mostly for me to see my growth but it doesn't matter. Anyways, what I wanted to talk about Is the fact that it's been 2 and a half months and it's the middle of summer. I...
    MorbidRainbow MorbidRainbow 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 14

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    Today's One Sentence Inspiration

    I may have escaped the blaming eyes of my mother, and the reproachful eyes of my brother, but I cannot escape myself. The only thing that I can do to save myself is to stop obsessing over my past and let go of my resentments. I need to only focus on today, and keep working...
    RLLauren RLLauren 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 10, 2013

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    Relapse

    I recently relapsed.ive been smoking meth for the past week and a half everyday.i want to stop-i think im getting sucked in again.Do i have to go back into treatment or can  i just go everyday next week to NA meetings. I dont even have a sponser yet and i think thats why...
    angelwingz angelwingz 18-21, F 4 Responses Jul 4, 2009

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    I See That Light At The End Of The Tunnel!

    And I'm not on any pink cloud, just working on the whole positive thing. I can do this, regardless what people think or do. I finally have hope, and that's something I'm proud of.
    Kidd12 Kidd12 16-17, F 1 Response Jun 14, 2012

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    Bipolar and Drug and Alcohol Problems

    I have been drinking for years and have always abused substances. After being told for at least 2 years I had a problem i finally seeked help. I went to a residential rehab for 3months and tried really hard and learned a lot. I managed to stay clean for 7 months. I was drinking...
    fergyshmerg fergyshmerg 31-35 1 Response Jul 15, 2009

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    Imbatgirl Imbatgirl 22-25, F 3 Responses Apr 26

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    Always Recovering,never Recovered

    First AA meeting in 1977.According to statistics will never get my "diploma"recovering is a lifetime thing.no longer attend meetings,81 and shut in cause of health.AA was (is) the best thing ever happened to me,Forever grateful,Pray others that need help find it or...
    foreverme foreverme 70+, F 6 Responses Mar 8, 2009

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    Not Working...

    It seems like i will never be happy about my look and my body... i think almost every day how i should starve myself again to become skinny again and i feel like i am getting fat, i suppose i am getting fat because i eat more, but my friends tell me that i look the same as before...
    WayToHappiness WayToHappiness 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 5, 2012

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    Living In The Present - February 21

    The present moment is all we have. Yes, we have plans and goals, a vision for tomorrow. But now is the only time we possess. And it is enough. We can clear our mind of the residue of yesterday. We can clear our mind of fears of tomorrow. We can be present, now. We can make...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Feb 21, 2013

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    Recovery Is A Journey...

    I truly believe this.I am recovering from a number of issues in my life, and I always will be until the day I die.The first step in my recovery was to recognise and also accept that I have a problem and things need to change. And I need to keep reminding myself of this. Then I...
    GreenMonsterGal GreenMonsterGal 22-25 1 Response May 8, 2011

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    Trying To Recover

    Some of you may know me as NeverThinEnough... that is my old depressed, anorexic account here, on EP... but i decided to recover from anorexia. It is hard, you know, like - sometimes you feel like you can beat this and you eat,you feel happy, you feel full of motivation and...
    WayToHappiness WayToHappiness 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 3, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    19 weeks clean today...that's right!! Every week I just get more excited!! I can't believe I'm almost at 5 months...last time I made it 4 and I lost it all...this time is different...
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 4

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    I have spent my entire life seeking and yearning for only one thing… relief from the pain of my horrific childhood. I have always fought alone and tried to do the best I could...
    Overwhelmed15 Overwhelmed15 26-30, F 3 Responses a week ago

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    11 months This month was marked with highs and lows. I had, for the first time in my life, two solid weeks of total happiness, a calm and completely normal life where I was...
    Overwhelmed15 Overwhelmed15 26-30, F 2 Responses Aug 11

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    I Was in a 7 year relationship (I was 17 he was 25 when we met),And in the beginning it was great (or so I Naively thought....) but slowly he became controlling,demanding and what...
    Naggi12 Naggi12 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 25

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    For a sociopath to find a site where every statement begins with "I" is pretty awesome. But I can use my powers for good instead of evil. This makes life more rewarding. I like...
    rasputinoob rasputinoob 31-35, M 1 Response Jul 26

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    Its been about 6 or 7 weeks clean now. Relapsed a little and still am but not as much as i expected. I even stopped my meds which i regret because now i have stopped everything in...
    patches1999 patches1999 13-15, F Jul 29

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    18.5 weeks clean...I've been doing a good job but today I lost another friend...a friend of mine says he still has feelings for me and even though I've told him I just want to be...
    ashricard ashricard 18-21, F Jul 31

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    since the age of 12 i have self harmed, i have a lot of scars and i regret them all but i still cant help but cut myself, however i used to do it daily and now its once a week or...
    fantasycaver fantasycaver 22-25, F 2 Responses Aug 2

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    I still don't know how I feel about this. I realized how unhealthy my old ways were so I realized I had to gain some weight back. It's just to hard. I mean today I hit 105 lbs and...
    snowunderthestars snowunderthestars 13-15, F 4 Responses Aug 4

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    I have almost 10 months clean and so much going on in my life that is stressful. I'm still not really used to feeling because for 10 years whenever I would feel I would take care...
    tar4814 tar4814 31-35, F 6 days ago

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    My BF/ fiancé of 12 years had an emotional affair. I'm so hurt and was blind sided by this. He says it's done and he loves me, it was a month of purely texts then one day he said...
    jeslynn26 jeslynn26 31-35, F 6 days ago

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    I'm in a normal weight range now, but I still weigh myself every day. 104 is good 105 is not. Is this the typical experience?
    married1987 married1987 41-45, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Among the list of “Small Luxury Lodges of the World,” colonial-type The Luang Say Home demonstrates the gracious areas of everyday living within the colonial period...
    Jewelgzr Jewelgzr 31-35, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    i still accident in my bed and panties
    Babybella3030 Babybella3030 31-35, F 4 hrs ago

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    Well umm don't know how to start, but I am currently happily married 27 and still think about my childhood crush. We met when I was 8 we were in the same school / grade but not...
    indigo1987 indigo1987 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 21

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    I am 19 years old. Two years ago, when I was 17, I met someone who would end up completely altering who I thought I was. I was a happy girl. I enjoyed being single and flirting...
    sheonlysighs sheonlysighs 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 30

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    My sons Anniversary is in 3 more months, the starting of my third year, has it been this long? but it seems like yesterday, still excepting my second year I'm finding it still hard...
    streets718 streets718 56-60, F 2 days ago

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    It has been over 30 years since I last saw her,I amm married and so is she. But I have never really had any closure from my love for her. We met by way of my step sister ,after we...
    highlander21666 highlander21666 46-50, M a week ago

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    They can't tell me who to be 'Cause I'm not what they see Yeah, the world is still sleepin' while I keep on dreamin' for me And their words are just whispers and lies that I'll...
    kevinnc1 kevinnc1 18-21, M Jul 29

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    I was in Australia for about a month. We had been in contact a few times over viber, a lot of which were hurtful messages. Not abuse but through the messages I could tell he was...
    EBAAA EBAAA 18-21, F Aug 11

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    I know it's hard for many of you to even begin to believe some of the things I'm been tell you and I'm going to tell you more things that you'll find it hard to believe but I'm...
    streets718 streets718 56-60, F 2 days ago

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    I still love that person.i wrote a post last month or something.got loads of help and advice.and my craving to hear his voice or see him has reduced.but still I can't forget him...
    Naina94 Naina94 18-21, F Jul 28

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    Am I crazy for still being in love with my ex boyfriend? Or am I even in love with him. It's complicated really, our relationship was up and down, and four years of hurt and pain...
    PassionOnFire PassionOnFire 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 5

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