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I Am Struggling Not To Fall Apart

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,076 People

    well it finally happened.

    my mom, the one person in the world I could always go to when I was struggling has grown tired of hearing my issues. I certainly don't blame her. when I struggle more days than not, it can get old to hear the same crap over and over. but now it's left me truly alone. home sick...
    superwholockimom superwholockimom 41-45, F 2 Responses Dec 10, 2014

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    I'm not doing well at all.

    I try to be strong as I can be each day but eventually I just break down as if I'm being smothered to death by endless despair. Tears swell up in my eyes as I watch my strong wall crumble down and turn into dust. Please make it go away...
    ThisStrangeEffect ThisStrangeEffect 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 11

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    Darkness

    I posted this poem that I wrote on another group, but it is pretty much my story for this group too. The whole I’ve dug is deep The tears that I would weep Are stuck inside my soul For weakness I would show If I were to let them out So I cannot scream and shout Instead I die...
    darkerside16 darkerside16 22-25 1 Response Dec 10, 2010

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    it's a daily battle for me.

    I was doing really well, then not so well, then okay. New news has made me go down the not so well path but I'm a lot better than I was months ago.
    EssScissorHands EssScissorHands 18-21, F Dec 30, 2015

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    So Sick Of Being In Pain!

    I am in pain everyday from osteo arthritis and structural damage in my spine, I have suffered with depression for approx 30yrs and have been on anti-depressants since my late teens. I took a break from them only when pregnant( twice), have changed them here and there...
    locomama locomama 41-45, F 6 Responses Mar 15, 2010

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    I don't really like who I am anymore.

    I'm always so sad. I don't think my heart knows what hope is anymore. There is nothing that can make me smile. Literally nothing. I have so little interest in things. What is happening? Am I already dead? I cry all the time. I don't want ppl to feel sorry for me. I just am at a...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Apr 25, 2015

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    I'm scared. The holidays scare me.

    I just miss my dad honestly. But I'll manage I suppose.
    Kailenalovesyou Kailenalovesyou 13-15, F Nov 27, 2014

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    Every day is a struggle to keep going.

    I'm so overwhelmed. Just keep crying. Really need to hold it together for my kids, but with all the pressures of life and having chronic illness and worrying about money I wish I had someone to share the burden with. Being a single mom with all of this is a lot. I'm exhausted...
    superwholockimom superwholockimom 41-45, F Nov 2, 2014

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    People find it fun to point out all my flaws

    even though I already see and obsess over them... It doesn't help that I have depression. The girl who was like a sister to me was killed, my uncle committed suicide, both my grandmas died, and my sisters and parents act like they don't care... To put it bluntly, I'm depressed...
    Amy1313 Amy1313 13-15, F 1 Response Nov 30, 2014

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    definitely the new challenge

    for me has been staying strong. and knowing that I have to have the confidence to continue doing what I want to do for my own well being and not for others
    CosmicEvan CosmicEvan 18-21, T Dec 30, 2015

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    I Have Been In Denial

    I have been throught a lot in my life but one of the worst phases I have ever been through was during my sophomore year in high school when I was anorexic for about 10 months. I thought I had recovered when my family and I started to get along better, made more friends, switched...
    thesuitelife285 thesuitelife285 18-21, F 15 Responses Dec 28, 2010

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    Just Keep Smiling

    If I put on a happy face and just keep smiling people will think that I am ok. I am actually far from ok. Its getting harder to put on that happy face. There is not one day that passes where I dont think about what if.... What if I could just be happy? What if I could make...
    ilovenature ilovenature 22-25 2 Responses Sep 21, 2011

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    So I fvcked up. Big fvcking deal.

    I am not the first nor will I be the last. It's OK, I'm picking myself up. Even Superman has his kryptonite. To you, wherever you are, I am not going to let you hurt me anymore. Yes, I still am feeling messed up but that doesn't mean I can't go back to who I am. I know myself...
    Qtrelle Qtrelle 26-30, F 2 Responses Jan 29, 2015

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    I'm a complete idiot!

    I do realize this somewhere deep inside. Doesn't make the heart ache any less. I stood by as a not so innocent bystander and watched him literally rip my best friends heart out and show almost no remorse for it. Very little empathy for her. My heart broke for her and my...
    mmarno mmarno 31-35, F 5 Responses Dec 9, 2014

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    Her strength is seeping out of her,

    like a deflating balloon. She looks up to the ceiling and whispers tearfully "I'm not okay.."
    Etherealinsanity Etherealinsanity 18-21, F 1 Response May 19, 2015

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    Another year is coming to a close,

    and I find myself in the same situation. Although, I do make improvements in all areas of my life, my marriage is a daily struggle. I cannot remember the last Holiday, where I felt happy. Every year comes, and every year I hope for a different outcome, and every year my heart...
    imabroken imabroken 36-40, F 7 Responses Dec 25, 2015

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    Overwhelmed By This Life Of Mine

    I am struggling not to fall apart,to just disappear from the world.Sometimes I get into a depressed state and wonder why I'm still here,breathing,living,when I feel as though I have no purpose.I don't talk about it,I don't ask for help.I'm afraid to be weak,afraid to show people...
    notreadytomakenice notreadytomakenice 22-25, F 2 Responses Jun 19, 2012

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    I am fighting so hard not to fall apart

    as hard as I could. I know someday it will get better.
    mabuhayka mabuhayka 31-35, F 1 Response Dec 29, 2015

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    Genuinely starting to worry

    that I'm on the verge of a total meltdown. I'm a broken damaged person. I'm not worthy of Love. I'm disgusted with who I am. I hate myself. How do I keep moving forward.
    0815Jade 0815Jade 22-25, F 1 Response Dec 2, 2014

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    everyday battle to try to keep myself together

    I've been through so much it's so hard the only thing keeping me going this long is my family even though my husband has to restrain me sometimes but that's because I an bipolar and have no way to get my medicine.
    babygirlransom babygirlransom 26-30, F Nov 1, 2014

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    It's been a month and a half now.

    No on'es aked me how I feel about it. At a point I couldn't see life without him. I feel pathetic. and confused.
    BluNLG BluNLG 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 16, 2015

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    All it takes is one look.

    then it all comes down, the world im desperately trying to hold together for those that i care about is threatened. my memories come back, i relive everything once again and my demons awaken in my mind. the tears wont stop, a million thoughts race through my brain. all that...
    SW33TdArkness SW33TdArkness 16-17, F 1 Response Jan 3

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    Cancer treatment destroyed my cancer

    but errevicably changed my life but not for the better. I can no longer swallow and my larynx is permanently damaged resulting in a tracheostomy and a feeding tube.
    mouadib41 mouadib41 51-55, M Sep 29, 2015

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    People around me throw words around

    so carelessly, that sometimes they don't even know it hurts. You do one "bad" thing, you never hear the end of it. You do great in something-- achieve something, sometimes you don't even hear a word about it.
    imaderp imaderp 16-17, F 3 Responses Jul 9, 2015

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    I am gay, I embrace it maybe

    even love it, I do love the sex, little as I get. Any one know what it is like to want something so bad it hurts you have to have. Then at the same time you don't want to want want what you want?
    Scott1954 Scott1954 61-65, M 2 Responses Dec 27, 2014

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    *laying on the operating table,

    surrounded by doctors, unconscious, being examined* Our patient has taken a lot of hits over the years. Abandonment, abuse, neglect, taken advantage of, mistreated... Jeez, look at these wounds; never seen scars like these. He must have had a rough life.... A lot of it is...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Dec 29, 2015

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    Everyday I struggle to get out of bed

    and start my day, I keep compromising my life to settle and be grateful but what if I wanted more am I a bad person for wanting to fight for a life I want, I want to live live in a life filled with colors but I keep living in black and white, I can't really be happy because Im...
    Kittyxfreak Kittyxfreak 18-21, F Nov 2, 2014

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    I am reaching the end of my rope.

    Every time I do something, or the world seems to be look up for me, I just get knocked down. I was so excited because I had finally finished all of my graduate applications. I was absolutely ecstatic and ready to roll whether I got accepted or not. Then I get an email from...
    anna0593 anna0593 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 11, 2015

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    I've been having more frequent psychotic

    episodes paranoia and frightening hallucinations. I am feeling very nervous and alone. I feel like I have no support. I am very afraid all the time and have no one close to talk to. A sinking feeling of despair I'm starting to feel hopeless...
    thebeautifulprincess thebeautifulprincess 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 7, 2015

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    Johnny cash said love would burn.

    I never though it'd hurt this bad.
    deleted deleted 26-30 Nov 19, 2014

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    I really need something good to happen in my

    life. Like really soon. Every time I turn around something else has broken and I am too sick and tired to have any hope left. really close to giving up
    superwholockimom superwholockimom 41-45, F 1 Response Nov 24, 2014

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    Giving Up Is Easy....

    There are times where all I want to do is give up. Where going to sleep and never waking up seems like bliss. But then I remember what I have, who I have. I remember my girlfriend for one, and that always gives me the strength to keep going.... Giving up is the easy, and I have...
    TheWanderingSupertramp TheWanderingSupertramp 26-30, M 4 Responses Dec 5, 2010

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      I have always been an ill child ,

    from the day i was born i was in and out of hospital , when I turned 6 I got better and wasn't ill that much. at the age of 9 I found out that the dad i live with now is not my biological dad and that really hit me hard I started to do things I shouldn't for example self harm...
    mbk123 mbk123 16-17, F Jan 26, 2015

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    I'm staring at mirror with tears streaming down

    my face and I'm begging myself to stay strong.
    staystrongandlive staystrongandlive 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 30, 2014

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    I need to stop moaning

    and complaing about my break up. but I'm in bits. My ex is completely fine which makes it hurt even more. I try every day to be happy and fine but it's to much I can't do it.
    0815Jade 0815Jade 22-25, F 2 Responses Nov 24, 2014

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    What Left Of Me

    When ever i move forwardif feel like a piece of meis left behindi falling to pieceand i don't even carewhy should ii'll never be able to put to it backto fix itto being repairso i just leave itleave it behindi walk aroundleaving trails of mei try to hold togetherbut the pieces...
    invisiblegirl904 invisiblegirl904 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 6, 2011

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    Its So Hard

    sometime i think that i must be the most inconsiderate person in the world. i have brains, looks and a great boyfriend; but i still feel as thought everything might fall apart. there is some sort of darkness festering inside of me. i try to tell them, but i cant make them...
    slideways slideways 22-25, F 4 Responses Mar 14, 2010

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    Pretty much,though i think i already have.

    .I'm having trouble even doing basic things to take care of myself,my sleeping is pretty ****** up too,going to bed in the afternoon and staying up all day lately,Don't even feel like eating though i have to because i have gastritis and my stomach hurts bad if i dont eat on time...
    simpleandpossible simpleandpossible 22-25, F Jan 19

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    I just wish someone would hold me

    and tell me that everything will be okay!
    Zora628 Zora628 41-45, F 3 Responses Feb 5, 2015

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    I Am Trying...very Hard

    I can be alright one minute....teary the next.... I can be smiling outside ...but deep within, I am aching... I can fake a laughter on gtalk and email....but sitting in front of this pc is a lady whose eyes has lose its glow ... I can tell you 'its alright, i'll pull thru...
    Eternal Eternal 31-35, F 9 Responses Apr 26, 2010

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    I have been on this planet many times before

    and always in the role of a wizard of some sort, and it drives me crazy since I can remember past lives and can see things others cannot see. I am a warrior against the dark ones, this is a full time job you struggle constantly to protect society from the pig. Although not liked...
    abstractoutthewindow abstractoutthewindow 56-60, M Dec 15, 2015

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    What I want is to get rid of this weight on my

    chest and have a peaceful sleep for once...isn't that what everybody wants? To go to bed every night knowing that as our eyes close so does the awful day we had? To go to bed knowing that the next day will be better because it will have nothing to do with the previous? To wake...
    Etherealinsanity Etherealinsanity 18-21, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    I am 13 years old. most 13 year olds haven't

    been what I've been thought. I've been thought a lot and still are. Most people that know me, think I'm happy and nothing wrong, but it is the complete opposite. I try everyday to put that smile on and carry on. Some many people have looked at me and said. be strong now because...
    PinkyChristina PinkyChristina 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 3

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    Today was bad. Yesterday too.

    I'm sick a lot with a chronic illness and I miss too much work. I'm responsible for my kids. If I lose my job we will lose our house. I have to keep working for the next thirty years but I am so tired, sick and overwhelmed that I can't even handle the thought of tomorrow, much...
    superwholockimom superwholockimom 41-45, F 3 Responses Nov 11, 2014

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    In February of last year,

    my boyfriend died. He was such a great guy. He had a heart attack. We were together for a little over 10 years. We were living together, even though I still had my own apartment. I am a teacher in a private school, where living together was against the moral code. But I didn't...
    QCAteacher QCAteacher 46-50, F Jan 4, 2014

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