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I Am Struggling To Keep Myself Together

It's hard, considering the circumstances. 5,723 People

    I'm 42 years old, am mother of 4 (19,

    about to become a father, 16, and 12 year old twins). Their father and I have been apart for 6 years. I've struggled with poverty, depression and alcohol abuse. My family all lives overseas, but my mother has NPD and has no interest in a relationship with me now anyway. I'm...
    Goodsunflower Goodsunflower 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 3, 2014

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    Which sounds lame. but it's true.

    The last five days have been...rough. and eye opening. heart breaking. it's gonna be rough for a while I guess. I just wish I knew something. anything for sure.
    ZombieBaitMaiden ZombieBaitMaiden 31-35, F Jan 4

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    I constantly fight myself internally.

    I am over emotional and it's getting worse. I can't control my crying or how I feel about the things people say. I take everything to heart; knowing those things shouldn't make or break me. Those things matter too much and I break down. I spaz out on people cause they talk to me...
    Kayylinda Kayylinda 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 3, 2014

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    I'm not suicidal , but tend to think of

    disappearing most of the time. Like who cares anymore...but I stop myself and realize "I ain't the only one!" I feel jealousy towards happily married young couples, I feel I should be making more cash, I feel like I should be more confident, I should have ppl begging to chill on...
    Frenchgal11 Frenchgal11 26-30, F 2 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    they say, how can you hate yourself

    so much when they barely even know me and whisper , you are too young to be so sad when they read my writing and when i cannot bring myself to attend their parties, they laugh, why are you always tired but if they spent two minutes inside of my head, they would realize...
    ProfessorPsycho ProfessorPsycho 13-15, F 2 Responses Feb 4, 2014

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    Feeling like an empty shell.

    Every day is a struggle and some days I know why and other days I can't explain what is making me feel this way. The past two days I have cried day and night. Not sleeping at night my mind races all day even at work it affects me. I can't escape this awful feeling.
    Aml4 Aml4 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 7, 2014

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    I am new here and I just want to share my

    experience. As you can see, I am struggling to keep myself together. I have no job, I am an undergrad, and I barely keep myself afloat. But I have a family, a mom, a dad, a sister, that cares for me and this is what scares me the most. I'm in denial of being depressed. I am a...
    reffotsirk03 reffotsirk03 26-30, M 1 Response Oct 22, 2014

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    I am at the point where I just do not care,

    at times I wish I was dead
    111888my 111888my 41-45, M 4 Responses Apr 23, 2014

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    I have never been a normal kid,

    and high school is ripping the very fabric that holds my sad excuse for a life together to shreds. My awkwardness, inability to socialize, and confused sexuality are making me a prime target for bullying. My family isn't the most stable. I don't have many friends and I'm not...
    sophomorefreakshow sophomorefreakshow 13-15, M 1 Response Jul 9, 2014

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    Have you ever thought about all the

    contradicting views the world forces on everyone? You can...but... You should, you shouldn’t. Too young, too old. You do, you don’t. Wait, don’t wait. Wrong, right. Too much, not enough. You can, you can’t. That is logical, it’s illogical. You need it, no you don’t...
    thereisnothingwrongwithyou thereisnothingwrongwithyou 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 11

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    Hang On.

    No matter how badly we feel, it is only for now. When in deep pain and confusion When in the depths of darkness and despair, it can be hard to remember there will be light again. There are so many lessons in the cycles of nature. Sometimes they may sound trite but truth is...
    BuddyBo BuddyBo 56-60, F 2 Responses Oct 9, 2012

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    Why Can't It Be Seen Easy.......

    I was told by a few friends that I am in my element when I talk about work and that I need to put that into my personal life.....  Problem is that in my life things aren't cut and dry like they are the machines. I love to work on a machine it is clear and it is supposed...
    mtvlm mtvlm 41-45, M 18 Responses Dec 9, 2009

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    what a cyanide surprise I had lived

    for his eyes if I had common sense I d cut my self or curl up and die since life isn t what it seem to be...god gave me him but than took him away.... :''{
    IAmACatXP IAmACatXP 13-15, F 10 Responses Dec 6, 2014

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    I am broken. Now I am having a difficult time

    trying to pick up all of my pieces and putting them back together.. 😔
    SleepyRose22 SleepyRose22 22-25, F 3 Responses Apr 19, 2014

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    Day By Day, Sometimes Minute By Minute!

    I struggle everyday to keep myself together. It's not pleasant to have all that I have to deal with and the pain that I must cope with also, is enough for anyone to lose their mind. I struggle each day, some so painful that I have to take them minute my minute, or hour by hour to...
    TwilightDream TwilightDream 36-40, F 6 Responses Feb 17, 2012

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    This year has changed my life dramatically.

    Parents got a divorce and I moved to Florida with my mother. We are struggling financially and I'm having a hard time dealing with my mother partying so much. I just don't feel as close to her as I once did. I live in a crowded house with 7 people and I'm not comfortable with it...
    ComplicatedGirl18 ComplicatedGirl18 18-21, F 5 Responses Dec 20, 2014

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    I'm going to go ******* insane.

    I feel like such an ******* for telling people to hold strong if I'm just as bad physically and mentally as they are. I'm so far over the edge now, any day now.. I'll fall. I have no one, so letting go will be so much easier.
    TheGhostofAGirl TheGhostofAGirl 16-17, F Sep 24, 2014

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    It Seems So

    I am struggling inside. I am fighting my negative thoughts and trying to find a good place, but Im having a really hard time. This is nothing new. Im always like this. Up and down, up and down. Just trying to maintain something that is okay. I am looking for a solution. A...
    soulrunher soulrunher 41-45, F 25 Responses Jul 12, 2013

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    I wake up sad daily .

    .. I am in a sexless marriage I am now in my 40's I want to feel pretty again . I want a man to crave me I have so much to offer
    likemeforwhoiam likemeforwhoiam 41-45, F 7 Responses Mar 1, 2014

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    I have been diagnosed 3 months ago with

    Alopecia Areata, i cant except it and it really brings me down emotionally :( my hair used to be really long and thick but now its short and thin :( 50% of my hair is gone..
    carmz87 carmz87 26-30, F 9 Responses Jan 3, 2014

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    jhastme jhastme 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 23, 2014

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    Everyday, I struggle with trying to continue to

    push forward. Everyday, I want to commit suicide, literally. But everyday, I manage not to over dose on pills for whatever small reason keeps me here.
    BIackyChan BIackyChan 22-25, M 3 Responses Oct 6, 2014

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    Life kinda suck right now.

    I'm not going to go into detail since its sort of pathetic to tell the truth. Its just that lately Ive became alone, like seriously alone. In a blink of the eye I lost everyone, my family have started hating me, my friends blame me and well I cant even sleep anymore. Man this...
    SmileTheTearsAway SmileTheTearsAway 16-17, F 4 Responses May 25, 2014

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    jhastme jhastme 18-21, F 3 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    I Feel Like I'm Having A Constant Battle Against Myself...

    I've never really acknowledged this before, but I kind of want to now. It's getting old. I'm calm and collect on the outside but on the inside I just feel crazy. Like with my mom, on the outside. I show that I'm happy, even at times that I'm like whatever she's gone. But when I...
    Greeneyedandcurious Greeneyedandcurious 22-25, F Jul 23, 2012

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    Ive always believed u r to respect

    and cherish woman i was raised to notice the little things like when u cut ur hair or change the style when u change ur perfume or nail color when u buy new shoes or clothes. Was also raised to always make the woman im with feel appreciated wanted loved cared for yet all the...
    Time4kush Time4kush 26-30, M Nov 14, 2014

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    There is so much to do

    but I am weak and fragile. Lost to the winds of old, my strength is. Seeking tirelessly to find an anchor to call home. An anchor I cannot reach or even see. With time caring not for me but its own, I desperately grapple with the forces of my will to be in equilibrium. I'm...
    Aamulus Aamulus 18-21, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Right now i feel like this is it

    for me.... i hate my job an some of the persons i work with plus myself for being such a nice person to people who dish me dirt everyday. No one is in my concern now, i failed myself a people who look up to me like my niece an nephew i dont wanna die an leave them but what else...
    vernie12 vernie12 26-30, M 2 Responses Dec 10, 2014

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    I am so very lonely. My husband had a total

    breakdown last year and tried to kill himself, horribly. Since then all of my friends have found excuses to cut me out. My husband had been my best friend but that person has gone now. Our good marriage is now in pieces. I can't talk to him and I have no one to talk to. His...
    rosadon rosadon 36-40, F 8 Responses Mar 1, 2014

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    I'm kinda lost, I guess?

    Everyday on my way to home, I wonder if I can kill myself when I'm home. It gives me chills tho. I wish someone could stay alive with my heart, kidneys or lungs or something. I would love to keep them alive tho.
    queeenbey queeenbey 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 6, 2014

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    jhastme jhastme 18-21, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Identity

    Recently, a very good and trusted friend reminded me of a truth that I had forgotten: We are not our possessions, our job, house, spouse, or family. We are separate from all of that. We have an intrinsic value that we often forget to appreciate within ourselves. We have a...
    BozoBuckets BozoBuckets 51-55, M 1 Response Nov 28, 2012

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    I really am I am falling apart

    as the minutes pass. I am aching from head to toe I can't sleep or eat I'm not living any more just simply existing. I'm sick of feeling this way I would give anything just to be able to stop crying for for a day and just feel average or normal or just to feel happiness or to...
    milichja milichja 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 4, 2014

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    civilengasdfg civilengasdfg 18-21, F Dec 14, 2014

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    I'm lying in bed... Thoughts running through my

    head... They don't stop... I can't find silence... I'm struggling. I need to find myself again. I feel like I'm suffocating. I'm in a miserable marriage. I know he resents me and pretty much hates me. At least that's how I feel or he makes me feel. We have two beautiful...
    MyLifeAsViolet MyLifeAsViolet 31-35, F 5 Responses Jan 23, 2014

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    Striving to being better then this girl has

    caused me to ruined my life, caused me to hate myself... I'll never win.
    DeterminedToMakeLifeWorthIt DeterminedToMakeLifeWorthIt 16-17, F 4 Responses Oct 14, 2014

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    My sister is pregnant.

    She is 29 years old. I am 20 and away at college. My sister has severe bipolar disorder and the guy she is having the child with has anger issues... They met in therapy. My parents want me to support her, but I just can't. My sister and I haven't been close for a very long time...
    Doeeyedgirl Doeeyedgirl 18-21, F 1 Response Oct 14, 2014

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    Yesterday was dramatic,

    today was ok.
    AndreiTarkovsky AndreiTarkovsky 26-30, M 1 Response Sep 30, 2014

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    Lesson From Pfophet Job's(peace Be Upon Him) Struggle

    Those afflicted with calamities and distress should remember the story of Prophet Job (Qur’an calls him Aiyub). Ah! What a heart-melting story of pain and suffering, of patience and forbearance, of faith and gratitude, and ultimately of reward and success!   Prophet Job...
    sunshines333 sunshines333 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 20, 2012

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    jhastme jhastme 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 13

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    For as long as I can remember I've never been

    comfortable in my own skin. Most of the little confidence I did have was shattered a few years ago, when the girls at my school started to bully me about how I looked. I felt, alone and they often isolated me from everything. So o began to isolate myself to save myself from any...
    Awhiteorchid Awhiteorchid 16-17, F 5 Responses Nov 22, 2014

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    Never...

    This story was inspired by Elie Wiesel, a survivor of the Holocaust. Never shall I forget the pain in my parents eyes when my sister was dying. Never shall I forget the fear of becoming "fat" resulting in starvation in 1st grade. Never shall I forget my innocence and virginity...
    DanniDarling DanniDarling 16-17, F Mar 4, 2013

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    Darkness Inside.....

    It is like a plague, never goes away,like an animal and its prey, it waitsuntil that right moment to strike,you think your ready, you think your prepared,then it closes in to devour you,no defence can keep it away,like a cancer from the inside out, All you see now is shadows,of...
    DarkThornedLilyRose43 DarkThornedLilyRose43 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 23, 2013

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    Every day is another fake laugh

    or another fake smile. I'm so tired of it. All i want to do is cry and say how i'm feeling. But i know i cant, because nobody will care. Because they'll just think im a freak. I dont know how much longer i can keep faking hapiness...
    ItsPriscila ItsPriscila 13-15, F 5 Responses Jan 21, 2014

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    Today I received a letter from my dad

    who has been incarcerated since April. This is the first letter he has sent me. I have not seen him due to circumstances in the family that has forced me to seclude myself in order to protect myself. I have been hurting for a long time due to my abortion 6 years ago that was...
    Aml4 Aml4 22-25, F 2 Responses Nov 28, 2014

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    Woke up this morning feeling

    so low. Feeling anxious and felt the rising panic inside. Wondering if I will ever know what it feels like to be loved and wanted by a Man. So tired of it always being one way. I give everything but it's never enough. Rejection always. So tired of it all.
    chrissie58 chrissie58 46-50, F 8 Responses Sep 23, 2014

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    I feel like my life experiences have tainted me,

    when I hang out with "normal people" I feel so out of place. Everything I say or do feels wrong even if I know I'm with my close friends... How do I over come this? I can bluff as if I don't feel this way but inside I feel as if ill never belong ( not that I want to be a part of...
    wildhorsefeathers wildhorsefeathers 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 23, 2014

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    I Understand How You Are Feeling X

    Signed in tonight to see that almost all stories shared tonight are about people who are hurt, alone, sad, depressed and upset about something. I feel very upset at seeing this and remember how i used to feel 4 years ago when i was so alone i was also homeless and begging on the...
    Rocks08 Rocks08 22-25, F 3 Responses Dec 12, 2010

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    anasteel2 anasteel2 41-45, F 7 Responses Aug 18, 2014

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    My wicked ways have caught up to me,

    but I'm too deep to change... I am having problems trusting anyone and it has turned me into a prisoner of my own home.
    OGDM OGDM 31-35, M Feb 27, 2014

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    I have a hard time trying to keep myself sane.

    I fall apart and it's difficult to put the peices back the way they were before. and what hurts the most is that I can't tell anyone what's wrong with me because I'll lose them forever
    savvy1998 savvy1998 16-17, F 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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