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I Am Struggling With The Urge Of Wanting To Hurt Myself

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,011 People

    sometimes it's all I can think about I've been

    self harming sense I was 7 I don't do it as often as It use to was an everyday thing. but lately I want bad. I tired all of the stuff I am supposed to do instead but none of that stuff works all I want is for all the hurt,and emotion to just go away
    Alexismarie9314 Alexismarie9314 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 13

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    Humiliated. Afraid Of Doing Really Stupid Right Now.

    I was discovered, and everybody already had noticed it. And still, I had to bear ******* indirect and malicious comments, as if I was a ******* hooker. They know it: I have a crush on that ******. Because I, unconsciously, stare back to him when I Ieave the office. Just this. And...
    fadedawaylife fadedawaylife 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 8, 2012

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    I don't know what's wrong with me.

    This isn't my usual self. I just wish I didn't exist right now :(
    PopulaceInOne PopulaceInOne 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 3, 2015

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    BrokeAssBxtch BrokeAssBxtch 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 5, 2014

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    I want to...but I'm not going to.

    It's just hard to stay strong :(
    PopulaceInOne PopulaceInOne 18-21, M 1 Response Feb 28, 2015

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    I have never hurt myself

    but it has crossed my mind multiple times. I like to think that its just a thought and I would never hurt myself but I am afraid that one day I really wont care.
    cheybear96 cheybear96 18-21, F 4 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    I just get lost in my mind

    and lose all control. I feel like I just want to rip my skin apart sometimes!! I try not to but it's getting harder and harder not to reach for the blade.
    lonewolf3149 lonewolf3149 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 30, 2015

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    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Dec 8, 2015

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    It Hurts

    On days like today, when I lie in bed for hours, not eating, unwashed and lethargic, seething with anger and disgust toward myself, my fingernails are my only weapon. I drag shallow red scratch marks across my breasts and stomach, as though performing an autopsy. Even my longest...
    Naomi506 Naomi506 22-25 4 Responses Mar 31, 2013

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    Just looking at the old scars makes me want to

    reopen them all. To feel the cold, dull blade of the scissors clawing away on my wrists, my legs, my whole being. I feel nostalgic almost, thinking about doing it, but then I remember the looks I get and discussions I have to have. People don't understand why I want to hurt...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jun 20, 2015

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    There are times, usually

    when I screw up, where I just want to scratch and scratch at my forearms until I bleed. Luckily I'm in a good place at the moment but the struggle is still there.
    deleted deleted 26-30 Mar 1, 2015

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    I used to cut myself like two years ago.

    With some counseling, I managed to stop. And I've promised some of my friends I won't do it ever again. But sometimes its just so hard. I feel like I deserve it. And it just feels so good to channel all the pain I feel into that one cut. That once place. And for a little while...
    21cookielover21 21cookielover21 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 28, 2014

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    I hide away in my shower at home,

    my parents always yell at me and I'm tired of it. right now I'm in the shower its where I go when I need support on ep, can anyone help?
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Apr 27, 2015

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    I've been so self destructive lately.

    ....and it's so dangerous when I get like this.
    huntersveil248 huntersveil248 16-17, F 1 Response Sep 8, 2015

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    Hanging On The Edge Of Gloom

    its been over 4 years since i last cut. i wanted to see myself bleed. i needed to feel that there was someone called 'me' inside. it was a tough time...well it still is. it doesn't have anything to do w/ my husband or my 2 kids, just me. i am clinically depressed. that's...
    strangerinacrowd strangerinacrowd 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 10, 2012

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    Hey...don't ignore this,

    just give me a chance to explain Don't grab your "tools" whenever you feel bad.Remind yourself what will happen if you give up.How are you going to deal with it and how are you going to feel?Then refocus your goals,is giving up that easy?The relief that comes from self-harming...
    ghostdolly ghostdolly 13-15, F Jan 24

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    my therapist asked me to stay clean from

    January 8 to February 8, and I don't think I can. Im trying to stop but I have this craving to feel the blood poring down my thighs. Im crazy...
    Rtwwaqe5 Rtwwaqe5 13-15, F 5 Responses Jan 10

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    I keep fantasizing about throwing a punch at

    someone so they will beat me up until I feel alive. I feel so guilty lately and It's such a lie that plays in my head, but I feel so undeserving.
    sweetsavanna sweetsavanna 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 9, 2015

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    I used to think about hanging myself

    and imagine the moment my neck snapped at the bottom of the drop. It seemed so satisfying in my imagination. Like cracking a joint but a thousand times better.
    iacob iacob 26-30, T 1 Response Aug 17, 2015

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    I don't usually. The only times I have hurt

    myself it's out of immense anger or frustration, as in I can't lash out at what or who I really want to lash out at, so I hurt myself instead. Even when I do, it's nothing serious. I'll scratch myself, or hit my head. I rarely ever even break the skin. Today I got the urge. I...
    Hush92 Hush92 18-21, F 1 Response May 19, 2014

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    I'm so sick of my anxiety!

    I just can't stand it anymore. Everyday is the same thing. I'd give anything to feel something else even if it's just for a couple of minutes. I want to hurt myself. I want to take a glass and smash it; squeeze the pieces in my hand. I feel like I can't handle this. I just can't...
    solivagant86 solivagant86 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 4, 2015

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    I don't know who to believe.

    ...or who to trust.... I just want to end it... I'm done with getting hurt... I'm tired of getting hurt...
    nomnommings nomnommings 16-17, F 1 Response Feb 28, 2015

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    I need to cut. I need to cut.

    I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to...
    BrokeAssBxtch BrokeAssBxtch 18-21, F 3 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    I used to cut myself

    as a preteen but stopped when my guardians tried to institutionalize me. But when I'm down I still imagine cutting myself, seeing the blood run down my arm. It felt like a good release and I would probably act on it if it weren't for the social stigma.
    HoneyBeeOfRedMountain HoneyBeeOfRedMountain 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 9, 2015

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    April 28, 2014, my father found out about my

    planned suicide attempt. He has "helped" me (yelled at me, told me I'm overreacting, says there's nothing to be sad about, etc.) for 365 days. It had been 394 days since I self-harmed. Last night and this morning, I cut myself. I got in a massive argument with my mom this...
    MadiofAsgard MadiofAsgard 16-17, F 6 Responses Apr 28, 2015

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    My head is a mess. I think I can't do this

    anymore, but then I think well I have to. By this, I mean life. I've felt this way before, a long time ago, but that came in surges usually when I was especially upset, now it's constant. It's more the feeling of not wanting to exist, if you were never born, so you had no impact...
    ForBetterOrForWorse ForBetterOrForWorse 18-21, F 3 Responses Aug 9, 2014

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    Right now everything is falling into thousand

    pieces..I might be losing my job, my roof had a washer dryer through it, I have no friends in this big city, 3 major college exams im totally unprepared for. I am struggling with staying positive, Ive been thinking about letting myself leave this world. Ive lost three friends...
    sadieblue44 sadieblue44 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 17, 2014

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    I've been doing it for 4 years.

    . I just relapsed this month and I was so close to 6 months. I stopped but the urge to do it is so damn strong. I was so close to 6 months but I couldn't help it. I was hurting.
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Apr 28, 2015

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    kassidia kassidia 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 2, 2014

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    I just keep scratching myself every night,

    it looks like I've burnt myself, I like the feeling of pain though. I feel like it's a punishment for being me though. It feels like I'm letting out rage as well. They form into scabs though hopefully they heal. I want to stop consciously but unconsciously it feels righteous...
    BeCautious1 BeCautious1 13-15, M 1 Response Jan 10

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    I'm slipping into a downward spiral,

    I feel like I can no longer cope, I'm being driven back to where I once was, a dark place, blade in hand, unable to reason my way out of it any more.. I crave the blood flowing again, the searing pain drawing me back to reality but not enough.. Never enough. I don't want to go...
    alphapuppy alphapuppy 18-21, T a week ago

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    Life has been impossible

    for me these past 6 months especially the last two. I am miserable, in agony, I want to live but I can't right now. I've always flirted with the thought of suicide but now its more of an obsession. I would love to just blow my head off because I'm tired of this pain, I don't...
    Thefightingangel Thefightingangel 22-25, M Dec 18, 2014

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    I know I shouldn't...

    I mean there is no real reason to....but the numbness is washing over and I just want to so bad...
    Mylo248 Mylo248 16-17, F Feb 1, 2015

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    I hate this part of meI've been bullied by girls

    and boys back in Elementary.. some called me witch because my hair was always a mess.. I hated it. A boy even punched me in the face when I was in the 5th grade and I just end up crying so much that I had a hard time breathing.. I hate crying.. I've always hurt myself whenever I...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Jan 1, 2014

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    I really need to cut.

    ...I can't find my razor and the urge has been driving me crazy for days....I'm about to break
    huntersveil248 huntersveil248 16-17, F 4 Responses Nov 4, 2015

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    It sucks when you close your eyes

    and all you can think about is death and self-harm. Like WTF is wrong with me?
    CNUSax CNUSax 18-21, M 3 Responses Aug 16, 2015

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    I've cut myself once,

    and I dont know if I should tell someone or not. I really don't know what to do or who I can trust.
    jeanine281 jeanine281 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 2, 2015

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    Mylo248 Mylo248 16-17, F 3 Responses Nov 29, 2014

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    I've been self harming

    for about 2 years. Well traditionally anyways. I've been ripping my toenails off for as long as I can remember. I only started cutting 2 years ago. Whenever I feel like I'm not in control and there isn't an immediate fix I want to kill myself. It doesn't matter what the problem...
    GothicSkeleton GothicSkeleton 16-17, F 3 Responses Dec 18, 2015

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    Nevaeh

    the only reason im alive today is because of my little niece. one night at about 4AM i was too depressed to deal with life any more so i went to my hiding place i grabbed my razors and some pain pills and went to the bathroom. i hesitated tears streaming down my face i put the...
    dishon24 dishon24 18-21 1 Response Oct 14, 2011

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    It's been 5 months, but the urge never goes

    away.... How do you distract yourself??
    SimplyEm SimplyEm 22-25, F Apr 27, 2015

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    It's been about two months

    since I cut myself and I really want to it's eating me alive.....
    kassidia kassidia 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    my ex's friend just told me to go kill myself.

    I've been struggling with suicide and self harm for awhile now. the fact that some people can be so awful astounds me.
    NightshadesSnowflake NightshadesSnowflake 13-15, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    I really wanna cut tonight,

    but it's so hard to fight the urge. I'm trying to be strong, buts it's not easy.
    lostgirl2001 lostgirl2001 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 12, 2015

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    Why . . On Selfharming . .

    You know why people cut . . ? Because it is a distraction . For one moment , you don't feel all the pain , the loss , the hurt . All you feel is the razor going inside your skin . The blood dripping down your arm , leg , stomach . you don't think about how alone you are or how...
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Apr 7, 2013

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