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I Am Struggling With The Urge Of Wanting To Hurt Myself

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 484 People

    End.

    more than just "hurt", more than a cut, burn, hit. more than just "hurt". i want it to all go away. i want this life to end. so many people push me closer and closer to the edge and im already about to fall off. what they will never realize until something happens is that theyre...
    monsterwithinme monsterwithinme 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 25, 2011

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    I have never hurt myself

    but it has crossed my mind multiple times. I like to think that its just a thought and I would never hurt myself but I am afraid that one day I really wont care.
    cheybear96 cheybear96 18-21, F 4 Responses Dec 1

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    I hate this part of meI've been bullied by girls

    and boys back in Elementary.. some called me witch because my hair was always a mess.. I hated it. A boy even punched me in the face when I was in the 5th grade and I just end up crying so much that I had a hard time breathing.. I hate crying.. I've always hurt myself whenever I...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Jan 1

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    kassidia kassidia 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 2

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    I need to cut. I need to cut.

    I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    With Words' - They Hurt Me So Bad.

    My health care team REFUSES to put up with it because they know for me, that the WORDS hurt MORE then actions' - I cannot always understand words' as well as actions' - so they confuse and HURT much deeper and more... So when I really want to hurt me, I call myself LOTS of ugly...
    stigmafree stigmafree 31-35 1 Response Jul 6, 2011

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    My Hand Or Your Mouth

    i perfer a womens touch.well tonight ill work.but can u assist me
    larryblue larryblue 31-35 May 19, 2011

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    Frustrated With Life

    I'm so frustrated with everything right now, I just want to cut and forget about all my ******* problems. Life is starting to go downhill again. Just as I START to feel better, I start feeling like ****...again. I'm so tired of everything going wrong...I feel like the only way to...
    TragedyxInxWaiting TragedyxInxWaiting 18-21, F Dec 26, 2011

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    Humiliated. Afraid Of Doing Really Stupid Right Now.

    I was discovered, and everybody already had noticed it. And still, I had to bear ******* indirect and malicious comments, as if I was a ******* hooker. They know it: I have a crush on that ******. Because I, unconsciously, stare back to him when I Ieave the office. Just this. And...
    fadedawaylife fadedawaylife 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 8, 2012

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    Struggling For 8 Yrs

    I haven't hurt myself in a couple of months. Thats a huge accomplishment for me. But as the days go on it seems to get harder to fight the urges to cut. Unfortunately this has been my life for 8 yrs. If anyone is going through a similar experience and needs to talk please...
    LittleFerrett LittleFerrett 22-25, F 4 Responses May 14, 2011

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    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 5

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    Wanting To Bare My Marks

    I asked my mom a hypothetical question last night and she about flipped. I asked her what she would say if I started cutting. She said "If youre going to do that, you can go a mile up the road. I will not have a self-mutilator living under my house." The mile up the road is a...
    BelievingButterfly BelievingButterfly 26-30, F 3 Responses May 13, 2013

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    So I Did....

    Don’t freak, it was like 2 weeks ago... probably shortly after I wrote that last posting in here. If you know my stories you'd know I have a lot going on. Not that everybody doesn’t in theory... BUT well..... the things I have discovered about my family recently that urk me...
    AlyceOverTheRainbow AlyceOverTheRainbow 26-30, F 8 Responses Jul 5, 2011

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    Wanting Revenge On Others

    i think that most people who hurt themselves do so because they know they will have consequences if they hurt their abuser(s). i wanted to punish my birth mother. But i knew she would be angry so i beat my own head instead. So did my sister.
    astounded1088 astounded1088 31-35, M Mar 10, 2013

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    Mylo248 Mylo248 16-17, F 5 Responses Nov 29

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    Haha, I don't even understand life anymore.

    for real, what is my purpose anymore. I can't do anything right. maybe tonight is the night. ??????
    nnawsnahta nnawsnahta 18-21, M 1 Response Dec 6

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    It's been about two months

    since I cut myself and I really want to it's eating me alive.....
    kassidia kassidia 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 1

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    I Feel Like I Deserve It

    i feel like i deserve it when i hit myself. i feel like after biting the inside of my mouth or stubbing my toe or something self-injurious like that Look, nothing is unintentional. People chew the inside of their mouth or hurt their feet for a reason even if subconscious. See...
    astounded1088 astounded1088 31-35, M 1 Response Mar 10, 2013

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    I used to cut myself like two years ago.

    With some counseling, I managed to stop. And I've promised some of my friends I won't do it ever again. But sometimes its just so hard. I feel like I deserve it. And it just feels so good to channel all the pain I feel into that one cut. That once place. And for a little while...
    21cookielover21 21cookielover21 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 28

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    Skipping School

    I skipped school today and I lied to my parents.... I wish I didn't but I don't know how I could have gone to school. I woke up with the urge (yet again) to cut myself. I used to believe that the consequences of cutting far out way the benefits but.... I'm not sure now. I woke...
    ArtistGrey ArtistGrey 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 3, 2013

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    I burn myself with almost boiling water,

    so the scars are not obvious. If I have a toothache I push on it and pick at it to make it hurt more. If I have a scratch from my cat, I pick at it to make it hurt. I do anything to make pains worse. I hate seeing wounds, so I never cut myself, but I still want to cause...
    DearYou DearYou 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 11

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    I don't know what's going to Happen

    and I'm freaking out.
    Mylo248 Mylo248 16-17, F 3 hrs ago

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    Life has been impossible

    for me these past 6 months especially the last two. I am miserable, in agony, I want to live but I can't right now. I've always flirted with the thought of suicide but now its more of an obsession. I would love to just blow my head off because I'm tired of this pain, I don't...
    thefightingangel thefightingangel 18-21, M 17 hrs ago

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    Today the 3 year anniversary of

    when I was raped...
    KC94 KC94 18-21, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Road To Hell Again

    i am cutting again but every day its getting more and more i feel its out control again i cut so much it worries even me i get loses init my mind even forgets i cutting sense of relive when i cut is amazing
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 15, 2011

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    A overly large penis.

    #thestruggle
    LongNeckJoe LongNeckJoe 16-17, M Nov 30

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    I Want To

    I want to. I can't tell you, whoever the hell that is, how much. I want to break the skin, see the blood grow and spill over the edge. I need too. So badly. I can't tell you how much how much I god damn want too! But I can't hurt myself, not today. Not because I'm trying not too...
    TwistedHope TwistedHope 16-17, F 2 Responses Apr 19, 2012

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    Wish To Stop

    My boyfriend is mad at me when i give into it.. but i don't know what to tell him sometimes.. Because it's so hard not to and when i give into it he thinks im weak and i dont want him to be upset.. but sometimes it's voice is bigger then his.. and i can't help it.. I need help...
    HeartAndWings HeartAndWings 16-17, F 1 Response Jan 21, 2013

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    I am extremely depressed.

    I feel so bad. I just want to die or hurt myself really bad. No one likes to be around me. I'm a burden to my family. I feel like I have an anchor tied to my feet and I'm drowning. I just wanna curl up in bed and never ever wake again. But I have to act like I'm at least ok. I...
    yonnie97 yonnie97 16-17, F 3 Responses Nov 30

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    One thing I can't cope with is the urge's,

    well I can get through them but it feels like such a war, and I'm tired of it, because it seems as if I could also scream for help to people and they'd still blank met out, but once something is done and they see the result of the actions, they of course approach "You can talk...
    LivinLifeAsAMisfit LivinLifeAsAMisfit 18-21, F May 18

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    It Hurts

    On days like today, when I lie in bed for hours, not eating, unwashed and lethargic, seething with anger and disgust toward myself, my fingernails are my only weapon. I drag shallow red scratch marks across my breasts and stomach, as though performing an autopsy. Even my longest...
    Naomi506 Naomi506 22-25 4 Responses Mar 31, 2013

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    Dying

    I think of dying everyday.......I have 3 reasons that keep me breathing today and that is my children......without them I dont know where I would be........now my husband is trying to take my babies away from me....omg if that happens I would just die.........how can he be so...
    Tyrdofjusgetnby Tyrdofjusgetnby 26-30, F May 11, 2013

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    Right now everything is falling into thousand

    pieces..I might be losing my job, my roof had a washer dryer through it, I have no friends in this big city, 3 major college exams im totally unprepared for. I am struggling with staying positive, Ive been thinking about letting myself leave this world. Ive lost three friends...
    sadieblue44 sadieblue44 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 17

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    It's been just over a year

    since the last time I cut myself. This time of year is really hard for me. I miscarried last year, 5 days after the 1 year anniversary of my rape... For those who do cut, you understand that it's not meant to kill yourself, or be a cry for help, it's a way to pull yourself out...
    KC94 KC94 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 1

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    It feels like I'm walking upstream through a

    current strong enough to pull me under four times over. There are others with me but they are walking along the banks telling me to "just get out of the water". But instead of extending a hand in help they just move on and leave me behind. Every once in a while I find a rock...
    nnawsnahta nnawsnahta 18-21, M 1 Response Dec 4

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    Lost With No Direction

    there is so much going on. since December (especially) i have had strong thoughts of suicide. the school counselor had asked my mother to take me in for a psych evaluation but she refused. CPS got involved, but it did nothing but get me bitched at more. i'm dealing with a lot...
    monsterwithinme monsterwithinme 18-21, F Jun 9, 2012

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    Why . . On Selfharming . .

    You know why people cut . . ? Because it is a distraction . For one moment , you don't feel all the pain , the loss , the hurt . All you feel is the razor going inside your skin . The blood dripping down your arm , leg , stomach . you don't think about how alone you are or how...
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Apr 7, 2013

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    Hanging On The Edge Of Gloom

    its been over 4 years since i last cut. i wanted to see myself bleed. i needed to feel that there was someone called 'me' inside. it was a tough time...well it still is. it doesn't have anything to do w/ my husband or my 2 kids, just me. i am clinically depressed. that's...
    strangerinacrowd strangerinacrowd 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 10, 2012

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    Lack Of Self-worth

    I am not a violent person, nor am I ever in need to physically hurt myself, but currently I am lacking the strength to bring myself out of this deep, black pit. I am having a hard time seeing the point in my life. Perhaps if I had a child or maybe someone I could always confine...
    MissMoxy MissMoxy 22-25, F 4 Responses May 19, 2011

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    Psychgirl.

    So just as I get out of the stage of hurting myself, I go and do it again. This time I really did think I was stopping it and that I wouldn't resort to self harm, I guess that was pretty naive of me to think. Im so out of control and I just know what to do or who I am anymore...
    girlinterrupted95 girlinterrupted95 16-17, F Jul 15, 2011

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    I Am....

    But I shouldnt. I feel like sometimes the only reason I dont is so I dont have to explain myself to others. I have been there. But I'd rather just be a recluse and live in solitude. I dont know how I am going to get through this next phase of my life. I have no idea...... I have...
    AlyceOverTheRainbow AlyceOverTheRainbow 26-30, F 4 Responses Jun 12, 2011

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    The Day Of March 17th And What Happened

    On March 17th this was the day when I had called first call for help. I had told them that I was thinking about taking pills which was an impulse decision which I didn't act on and I also told them I had wanted to hurt myself so I was unable to convince the person that I could...
    ajm1993 ajm1993 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 4, 2013

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    I don't usually. The only times I have hurt

    myself it's out of immense anger or frustration, as in I can't lash out at what or who I really want to lash out at, so I hurt myself instead. Even when I do, it's nothing serious. I'll scratch myself, or hit my head. I rarely ever even break the skin. Today I got the urge. I...
    PinkMellow PinkMellow 18-21, F 1 Response May 19

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    My Desire Is Fighting With My Brain!

    I keep pulling hair. Half the time I'm aware that I'm doing it. The other half, it's just subconscious because it's habit. And this whole summer, I've been in this phase where I haven't wanted to stop pulling. I want to keep pulling. I love the follicles and the neat things I...
    MusicNinja2 MusicNinja2 22-25, F Aug 20, 2013

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    My head is a mess. I think I can't do this

    anymore, but then I think well I have to. By this, I mean life. I've felt this way before, a long time ago, but that came in surges usually when I was especially upset, now it's constant. It's more the feeling of not wanting to exist, if you were never born, so you had no impact...
    ForBetterOrForWorse ForBetterOrForWorse 16-17, F 3 Responses Aug 9

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    Related Experiences

    Ok so, I am going to school, working, paying car insurance every three months, supporting myself with my little bit of income; Food, Gas, Phone Bill etc. No I am not living on my...
    beachygirl91 beachygirl91 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 3

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    Every time I make any kind of mistake- even just getting a bad grade on a test or saying something stupid- I feel like I deserve to be punished for it by hurting myself. I cut my...
    kaleidoscopic21 kaleidoscopic21 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm struggling with one right now. I am out on my way shopping and the bus is stuck in traffic and its raining anyone want to make me struggle more? ;)
    Justbeingmeok Justbeingmeok 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 28

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    As the years have gone by, dunno exactly where to start but merely understanding things cannot be replayed. In a roll of life, I guess I need to bleed for once just to stop this...
    Choirayla Choirayla 22-25, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Sometimes I hurt myself on purpose just to have an excuse for crying. It's different from cutting, because I don't do it to hide my feelings. I do it so I don't feel as bad for...
    RestlessDreamer22 RestlessDreamer22 26-30, F 2 Responses Dec 5

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    I've been with my husband over 4 years and the first 2 were miserable because of my stepdaughters mother. She abused her child physically and verbally. Over a year ago, she was...
    xomambr14 xomambr14 18-21, F