I Am Struggling With The Urge Of Wanting To Hurt Myself

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,040 People

    My head is a mess. I think I can't do this

    anymore, but then I think well I have to. By this, I mean life. I've felt this way before, a long time ago, but that came in surges usually when I was especially upset, now it's constant. It's more the feeling of not wanting to exist, if you were never born, so you had no impact...
    ForBetterOrForWorse ForBetterOrForWorse
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Aug 9, 2014

    I want to...but I'm not going to.

    It's just hard to stay strong :(
    ACyanideSurprise ACyanideSurprise
    18-21, M
    1 Response Feb 28, 2015

    I used to cut myself

    as a preteen but stopped when my guardians tried to institutionalize me. But when I'm down I still imagine cutting myself, seeing the blood run down my arm. It felt like a good release and I would probably act on it if it weren't for the social stigma.
    HoneyBeeOfRedMountain HoneyBeeOfRedMountain
    26-30, F
    1 Response Sep 9, 2015

    Just looking at the old scars makes me want to

    reopen them all. To feel the cold, dull blade of the scissors clawing away on my wrists, my legs, my whole being. I feel nostalgic almost, thinking about doing it, but then I remember the looks I get and discussions I have to have. People don't understand why I want to hurt...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Jun 20, 2015

    I don't usually. The only times I have hurt

    myself it's out of immense anger or frustration, as in I can't lash out at what or who I really want to lash out at, so I hurt myself instead. Even when I do, it's nothing serious. I'll scratch myself, or hit my head. I rarely ever even break the skin. Today I got the urge. I...
    Hush92 Hush92
    18-21, F
    1 Response May 19, 2014
    kassidia kassidia
    18-21, F
    1 Response Dec 2, 2014

    I'm losing control. I need control.

    I don't know what to do.. I just want to stop feeling this way. Am I going crazy?
    lininsayy lininsayy
    18-21, F
    1 Response Feb 17

    I used to think about hanging myself

    and imagine the moment my neck snapped at the bottom of the drop. It seemed so satisfying in my imagination. Like cracking a joint but a thousand times better.
    iacob iacob
    26-30, T
    1 Response Aug 17, 2015

    Hanging On The Edge Of Gloom

    its been over 4 years since i last cut. i wanted to see myself bleed. i needed to feel that there was someone called 'me' inside. it was a tough time...well it still is. it doesn't have anything to do w/ my husband or my 2 kids, just me. i am clinically depressed. that's...
    strangerinacrowd strangerinacrowd
    31-35, F
    1 Response Jul 10, 2012

    Since you left, I haven't changed When you were

    here, I was still the same I hid it well, I played the part Though I missed my bleeding works of art I felt the ache inside my chest And I, of course, knowing best After your words broke my heart Began to tear my skin apart Since you left, I haven't changed You told me I'd...
    wishingforrecovery wishingforrecovery
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Mar 26

    I used to cut myself like two years ago.

    With some counseling, I managed to stop. And I've promised some of my friends I won't do it ever again. But sometimes its just so hard. I feel like I deserve it. And it just feels so good to channel all the pain I feel into that one cut. That once place. And for a little while...
    21cookielover21 21cookielover21
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Jul 28, 2014

    You try to be different

    but your constantly victimized, you know deep inside that its wrong to be this despised, still you cant help but believe your to blame, your hearts aching strongly when you breathe your in pain, you keep what your feeling hidden from your family, you don’t want them knowing...
    mylifeishopeless mylifeishopeless
    16-17, F
    Feb 14

    Nevaeh

    the only reason im alive today is because of my little niece. one night at about 4AM i was too depressed to deal with life any more so i went to my hiding place i grabbed my razors and some pain pills and went to the bathroom. i hesitated tears streaming down my face i put the...
    dishon24 dishon24
    18-21
    1 Response Oct 14, 2011

    I've cut myself once,

    and I dont know if I should tell someone or not. I really don't know what to do or who I can trust.
    jeanine281 jeanine281
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Mar 2, 2015

    It's been about two months

    since I cut myself and I really want to it's eating me alive.....
    kassidia kassidia
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Dec 1, 2014

    my therapist asked me to stay clean from

    January 8 to February 8, and I don't think I can. Im trying to stop but I have this craving to feel the blood poring down my thighs. Im crazy...
    Rtwwaqe5 Rtwwaqe5
    16-17, F
    4 Responses Jan 10

    I hide away in my shower at home,

    my parents always yell at me and I'm tired of it. right now I'm in the shower its where I go when I need support on ep, can anyone help?
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Apr 27, 2015

    I really need to cut.

    ...I can't find my razor and the urge has been driving me crazy for days....I'm about to break
    huntersveil248 huntersveil248
    16-17, F
    4 Responses Nov 4, 2015

    sometimes it's all I can think about I've been

    self harming sense I was 7 I don't do it as often as It use to was an everyday thing. but lately I want bad. I tired all of the stuff I am supposed to do instead but none of that stuff works all I want is for all the hurt,and emotion to just go away
    Alexismarie9314 Alexismarie9314
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jan 13

    I just keep scratching myself every night,

    it looks like I've burnt myself, I like the feeling of pain though. I feel like it's a punishment for being me though. It feels like I'm letting out rage as well. They form into scabs though hopefully they heal. I want to stop consciously but unconsciously it feels righteous...
    BeCautious1 BeCautious1
    16-17, M
    Jan 10
    Mylo248 Mylo248
    16-17, F
    3 Responses Nov 29, 2014

    Right now everything is falling into thousand

    pieces..I might be losing my job, my roof had a washer dryer through it, I have no friends in this big city, 3 major college exams im totally unprepared for. I am struggling with staying positive, Ive been thinking about letting myself leave this world. Ive lost three friends...
    sadieblue44 sadieblue44
    18-21, F
    1 Response Nov 17, 2014

    I just get lost in my mind

    and lose all control. I feel like I just want to rip my skin apart sometimes!! I try not to but it's getting harder and harder not to reach for the blade.
    lonewolf3149 lonewolf3149
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Nov 30, 2015

    It sucks when you close your eyes

    and all you can think about is death and self-harm. Like WTF is wrong with me?
    CNUSax CNUSax
    18-21, M
    3 Responses Aug 16, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Dec 8, 2015

    I'm so sick of my anxiety!

    I just can't stand it anymore. Everyday is the same thing. I'd give anything to feel something else even if it's just for a couple of minutes. I want to hurt myself. I want to take a glass and smash it; squeeze the pieces in my hand. I feel like I can't handle this. I just can't...
    solivagant86 solivagant86
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Nov 4, 2015

    I want it so badly. The razor is ready,

    and my hands are shaking... but stupid big-mouthed me had to promise to someone more important to me than anything that I would never cut. I'll try to sleep instead. Maybe tomorrow I wont feel so broken. I'm not getting my hopes up.
    themanoflegends themanoflegends
    26-30, M
    2 Responses Feb 21

    I'm slipping into a downward spiral,

    I feel like I can no longer cope, I'm being driven back to where I once was, a dark place, blade in hand, unable to reason my way out of it any more.. I crave the blood flowing again, the searing pain drawing me back to reality but not enough.. Never enough. I don't want to go...
    alphapuppy alphapuppy
    18-21, T
    1 Response Feb 3

    I know I shouldn't...

    I mean there is no real reason to....but the numbness is washing over and I just want to so bad...
    Mylo248 Mylo248
    16-17, F
    Feb 1, 2015

    I ended up digging my nails into my arm this

    morning just to stop crying! I hate it when he treats me like I'm less than nothing!!
    angelpumpkin36 angelpumpkin36
    36-40, F
    3 Responses Mar 11

    Why . . On Selfharming . .

    You know why people cut . . ? Because it is a distraction . For one moment , you don't feel all the pain , the loss , the hurt . All you feel is the razor going inside your skin . The blood dripping down your arm , leg , stomach . you don't think about how alone you are or how...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    8 Responses Apr 7, 2013

    Have you ever wanted to be

    so loved that they never had to tell you the words "I love you" because you could already feel it from them? I dream of that, I dream of being kissed on and looked at like they are just in awe. I'd love to be held onto and hugged all the time. You'd think all of those things...
    PandaCat314 PandaCat314
    22-25, F
    1 Response Feb 11

    Humiliated. Afraid Of Doing Really Stupid Right Now.

    I was discovered, and everybody already had noticed it. And still, I had to bear ******* indirect and malicious comments, as if I was a ******* hooker. They know it: I have a crush on that ******. Because I, unconsciously, stare back to him when I Ieave the office. Just this. And...
    fadedawaylife fadedawaylife
    22-25, F
    1 Response Feb 8, 2012

    I have hurt myself before

    but I feel so stupid for doing it. I selfharmed and **** and I just regret all of it. But seeing these scars tells me that I am strong. Because eve tho I did self harm, I never ever gave up on life. If you're having trouble with something like this. Feel free to message me and I...
    kimm1203 kimm1203
    13-15, F
    Apr 3

    I hate this part of meI've been bullied by girls

    and boys back in Elementary.. some called me witch because my hair was always a mess.. I hated it. A boy even punched me in the face when I was in the 5th grade and I just end up crying so much that I had a hard time breathing.. I hate crying.. I've always hurt myself whenever I...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    6 Responses Jan 1, 2014

    On the surface I'm the perfect girl; heels

    and dress, flawless make-up, bright personality, college educated, a role-model, and always willing to help those who need it. But on the inside I'm shattered into a million pieces. I smoke behind closed doors, I drink myself into oblivion every chance I get, I'm promiscuous. I...
    Felicia209 Felicia209
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Aug 16, 2015

    It Hurts

    On days like today, when I lie in bed for hours, not eating, unwashed and lethargic, seething with anger and disgust toward myself, my fingernails are my only weapon. I drag shallow red scratch marks across my breasts and stomach, as though performing an autopsy. Even my longest...
    Naomi506 Naomi506
    22-25
    4 Responses Mar 31, 2013

    I've been so self destructive lately.

    ....and it's so dangerous when I get like this.
    huntersveil248 huntersveil248
    16-17, F
    1 Response Sep 8, 2015

    I remember thinking at the age of eight

    that ten was a wonderful age to live to. I remember before then at the age of six hiding behind the recliner, digging my nails into my forehead while listening to my parents fight, I even remember biting my dog, who was my only friend, and have no idea why. At 21 I started...
    DizzieDazie DizzieDazie
    22-25, F
    1 Response Mar 25

    I need to cut. I need to cut.

    I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to...
    BrokeAssBxtch BrokeAssBxtch
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Dec 13, 2014

    I don't know what's wrong with me.

    This isn't my usual self. I just wish I didn't exist right now :(
    ACyanideSurprise ACyanideSurprise
    18-21, M
    1 Response Jan 3, 2015

    There are times, usually

    when I screw up, where I just want to scratch and scratch at my forearms until I bleed. Luckily I'm in a good place at the moment but the struggle is still there.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 1, 2015

    I've been self harming

    for about 2 years. Well traditionally anyways. I've been ripping my toenails off for as long as I can remember. I only started cutting 2 years ago. Whenever I feel like I'm not in control and there isn't an immediate fix I want to kill myself. It doesn't matter what the problem...
    GothicSkeleton GothicSkeleton
    16-17, F
    3 Responses Dec 18, 2015

    everything can be going right then.

    ...snap...I want to cut
    huntersveil248 huntersveil248
    16-17, F
    1 Response Sep 14, 2015

    I've been doing it for 4 years.

    . I just relapsed this month and I was so close to 6 months. I stopped but the urge to do it is so damn strong. I was so close to 6 months but I couldn't help it. I was hurting.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Apr 28, 2015

    April 28, 2014, my father found out about my

    planned suicide attempt. He has "helped" me (yelled at me, told me I'm overreacting, says there's nothing to be sad about, etc.) for 365 days. It had been 394 days since I self-harmed. Last night and this morning, I cut myself. I got in a massive argument with my mom this...
    MadiofAsgard MadiofAsgard
    18-21, F
    6 Responses Apr 28, 2015

    my ex's friend just told me to go kill myself.

    I've been struggling with suicide and self harm for awhile now. the fact that some people can be so awful astounds me.
    NightshadesSnowflake NightshadesSnowflake
    13-15, F
    3 Responses Feb 9

    Life has been impossible

    for me these past 6 months especially the last two. I am miserable, in agony, I want to live but I can't right now. I've always flirted with the thought of suicide but now its more of an obsession. I would love to just blow my head off because I'm tired of this pain, I don't...
    Thefightingangel Thefightingangel
    22-25, M
    Dec 18, 2014

    Hey...don't ignore this,

    just give me a chance to explain Don't grab your "tools" whenever you feel bad.Remind yourself what will happen if you give up.How are you going to deal with it and how are you going to feel?Then refocus your goals,is giving up that easy?The relief that comes from self-harming...
    ghostdolly ghostdolly
    13-15, F
    Jan 24
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