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I Am Struggling With The Urge Of Wanting To Hurt Myself

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 355 People

    So I Did....

    Don’t freak, it was like 2 weeks ago... probably shortly after I wrote that last posting in here. If you know my stories you'd know I have a lot going on. Not that everybody doesn’t in theory... BUT well..... the things I have discovered about my family recently that urk me...
    AlyceOverTheRainbow AlyceOverTheRainbow 26-30, F 8 Responses Jul 5, 2011

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    I burn myself with almost boiling water,

    so the scars are not obvious. If I have a toothache I push on it and pick at it to make it hurt more. If I have a scratch from my cat, I pick at it to make it hurt. I do anything to make pains worse. I hate seeing wounds, so I never cut myself, but I still want to cause...
    DearYou DearYou 22-25, F 3 Responses Feb 11

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    One thing I can't cope with is the urge's,

    well I can get through them but it feels like such a war, and I'm tired of it, because it seems as if I could also scream for help to people and they'd still blank met out, but once something is done and they see the result of the actions, they of course approach "You can talk...
    LivinLifeAsAMisfit LivinLifeAsAMisfit 16-17, F May 18

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    My Desire Is Fighting With My Brain!

    I keep pulling hair. Half the time I'm aware that I'm doing it. The other half, it's just subconscious because it's habit. And this whole summer, I've been in this phase where I haven't wanted to stop pulling. I want to keep pulling. I love the follicles and the neat things I...
    MusicNinja2 MusicNinja2 22-25, F Aug 20, 2013

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    It Hurts

    On days like today, when I lie in bed for hours, not eating, unwashed and lethargic, seething with anger and disgust toward myself, my fingernails are my only weapon. I drag shallow red scratch marks across my breasts and stomach, as though performing an autopsy. Even my longest...
    Naomi506 Naomi506 22-25 4 Responses Mar 31, 2013

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    I Am....

    But I shouldnt. I feel like sometimes the only reason I dont is so I dont have to explain myself to others. I have been there. But I'd rather just be a recluse and live in solitude. I dont know how I am going to get through this next phase of my life. I have no idea...... I have...
    AlyceOverTheRainbow AlyceOverTheRainbow 26-30, F 4 Responses Jun 12, 2011

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    Nevaeh

    the only reason im alive today is because of my little niece. one night at about 4AM i was too depressed to deal with life any more so i went to my hiding place i grabbed my razors and some pain pills and went to the bathroom. i hesitated tears streaming down my face i put the...
    dishon24 dishon24 18-21 1 Response Oct 14, 2011

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    With Words' - They Hurt Me So Bad.

    My health care team REFUSES to put up with it because they know for me, that the WORDS hurt MORE then actions' - I cannot always understand words' as well as actions' - so they confuse and HURT much deeper and more... So when I really want to hurt me, I call myself LOTS of ugly...
    stigmafree stigmafree 31-35 1 Response Jul 6, 2011

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    Wish To Stop

    My boyfriend is mad at me when i give into it.. but i don't know what to tell him sometimes.. Because it's so hard not to and when i give into it he thinks im weak and i dont want him to be upset.. but sometimes it's voice is bigger then his.. and i can't help it.. I need help...
    HeartAndWings HeartAndWings 16-17, F 1 Response Jan 21, 2013

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    I Want To

    I want to. I can't tell you, whoever the hell that is, how much. I want to break the skin, see the blood grow and spill over the edge. I need too. So badly. I can't tell you how much how much I god damn want too! But I can't hurt myself, not today. Not because I'm trying not too...
    TwistedHope TwistedHope 16-17, F 2 Responses Apr 19, 2012

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    I Feel Like I Deserve It

    i feel like i deserve it when i hit myself. i feel like after biting the inside of my mouth or stubbing my toe or something self-injurious like that Look, nothing is unintentional. People chew the inside of their mouth or hurt their feet for a reason even if subconscious. See...
    astounded1088 astounded1088 31-35, M 1 Response Mar 10, 2013

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    Lack Of Self-worth

    I am not a violent person, nor am I ever in need to physically hurt myself, but currently I am lacking the strength to bring myself out of this deep, black pit. I am having a hard time seeing the point in my life. Perhaps if I had a child or maybe someone I could always confine...
    MissMoxy MissMoxy 22-25, F 4 Responses May 19, 2011

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    Road To Hell Again

    i am cutting again but every day its getting more and more i feel its out control again i cut so much it worries even me i get loses init my mind even forgets i cutting sense of relive when i cut is amazing
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 15, 2011

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    I'm Losing The Battle

    I've tried so many times to stop cutting but I can't. I want to, but I can't do it. I love the feel of a blade slicing through my skin. One of the few things that makes me happy. So yeah I cut. I wanna stop but I won't.
    AlleyFreakingKat AlleyFreakingKat 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 26, 2012

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    The Day Of March 17th And What Happened

    On March 17th this was the day when I had called first call for help. I had told them that I was thinking about taking pills which was an impulse decision which I didn't act on and I also told them I had wanted to hurt myself so I was unable to convince the person that I could...
    ajm1993 ajm1993 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 4, 2013

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    Hanging On The Edge Of Gloom

    its been over 4 years since i last cut. i wanted to see myself bleed. i needed to feel that there was someone called 'me' inside. it was a tough time...well it still is. it doesn't have anything to do w/ my husband or my 2 kids, just me. i am clinically depressed. that's...
    strangerinacrowd strangerinacrowd 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 10, 2012

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    Wanting Revenge On Others

    i think that most people who hurt themselves do so because they know they will have consequences if they hurt their abuser(s). i wanted to punish my birth mother. But i knew she would be angry so i beat my own head instead. So did my sister.
    astounded1088 astounded1088 31-35, M Mar 10, 2013

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    Wanting To Bare My Marks

    I asked my mom a hypothetical question last night and she about flipped. I asked her what she would say if I started cutting. She said "If youre going to do that, you can go a mile up the road. I will not have a self-mutilator living under my house." The mile up the road is a...
    BelievingButterfly BelievingButterfly 22-25, F 3 Responses May 13, 2013

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    End.

    more than just "hurt", more than a cut, burn, hit. more than just "hurt". i want it to all go away. i want this life to end. so many people push me closer and closer to the edge and im already about to fall off. what they will never realize until something happens is that theyre...
    monsterwithinme monsterwithinme 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 25, 2011

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    New Meds

    i am on these new meds but they don't seem to be helping. i actually took my favorite knife and cut myself with it, but because the blade was dull it didn't even break the skin. so much for that.
    strangerinacrowd strangerinacrowd 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 29, 2012

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    Psychgirl.

    So just as I get out of the stage of hurting myself, I go and do it again. This time I really did think I was stopping it and that I wouldn't resort to self harm, I guess that was pretty naive of me to think. Im so out of control and I just know what to do or who I am anymore...
    girlinterrupted95 girlinterrupted95 16-17, F Jul 15, 2011

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    Skipping School

    I skipped school today and I lied to my parents.... I wish I didn't but I don't know how I could have gone to school. I woke up with the urge (yet again) to cut myself. I used to believe that the consequences of cutting far out way the benefits but.... I'm not sure now. I woke...
    ArtistGrey ArtistGrey 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 3, 2013

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    I used to cut myself like two years ago.

    With some counseling, I managed to stop. And I've promised some of my friends I won't do it ever again. But sometimes its just so hard. I feel like I deserve it. And it just feels so good to channel all the pain I feel into that one cut. That once place. And for a little while...
    21cookielover21 21cookielover21 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Yesterday...

    ....I looked up how to obtain a gun in my state of residence. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for an extremely long time, but I've never actually had it as an option. Sadly, getting all the permits and then the gun itself with the ammo is something I can't even afford at...
    fightthedayaway fightthedayaway 26-30, F May 4, 2012

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    Struggling For 8 Yrs

    I haven't hurt myself in a couple of months. Thats a huge accomplishment for me. But as the days go on it seems to get harder to fight the urges to cut. Unfortunately this has been my life for 8 yrs. If anyone is going through a similar experience and needs to talk please...
    LittleFerrett LittleFerrett 18-21, F 4 Responses May 14, 2011

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    Frustrated With Life

    I'm so frustrated with everything right now, I just want to cut and forget about all my ******* problems. Life is starting to go downhill again. Just as I START to feel better, I start feeling like ****...again. I'm so tired of everything going wrong...I feel like the only way to...
    TragedyxInxWaiting TragedyxInxWaiting 18-21, F Dec 26, 2011

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    My Hand Or Your Mouth

    i perfer a womens touch.well tonight ill work.but can u assist me
    larryblue larryblue 31-35 May 19, 2011

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    I don't usually. The only times I have hurt

    myself it's out of immense anger or frustration, as in I can't lash out at what or who I really want to lash out at, so I hurt myself instead. Even when I do, it's nothing serious. I'll scratch myself, or hit my head. I rarely ever even break the skin. Today I got the urge. I...
    PinkMellow PinkMellow 18-21, F 1 Response May 19

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    Humiliated. Afraid Of Doing Really Stupid Right Now.

    I was discovered, and everybody already had noticed it. And still, I had to bear ******* indirect and malicious comments, as if I was a ******* hooker. They know it: I have a crush on that ******. Because I, unconsciously, stare back to him when I Ieave the office. Just this. And...
    fadedawaylife fadedawaylife 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 8, 2012

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    Dying

    I think of dying everyday.......I have 3 reasons that keep me breathing today and that is my children......without them I dont know where I would be........now my husband is trying to take my babies away from me....omg if that happens I would just die.........how can he be so...
    Tyrdofjusgetnby Tyrdofjusgetnby 26-30, F May 11, 2013

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    I hate this part of meI've been bullied by girls

    and boys back in Elementary.. some called me witch because my hair was always a mess.. I hated it. A boy even punched me in the face when I was in the 5th grade and I just end up crying so much that I had a hard time breathing.. I hate crying.. I've always hurt myself whenever I...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Jan 1

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    The Pain Wanting Hurt Myself

    i been elf harmer since i was 12 now 39 i havent cut while now i still dream abouted how good i felt when i used cut myself with razors i have so many scares i used cut my faces arms and legs i still feel i luv to cut now when i in supermarket stilll stand at were razors i think...
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 27, 2011

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    Why . . On Selfharming . .

    You know why people cut . . ? Because it is a distraction . For one moment , you don't feel all the pain , the loss , the hurt . All you feel is the razor going inside your skin . The blood dripping down your arm , leg , stomach . you don't think about how alone you are or how...
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Apr 7, 2013

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    Lost With No Direction

    there is so much going on. since December (especially) i have had strong thoughts of suicide. the school counselor had asked my mother to take me in for a psych evaluation but she refused. CPS got involved, but it did nothing but get me bitched at more. i'm dealing with a lot...
    monsterwithinme monsterwithinme 16-17, F Jun 9, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    Not physically. At least not anymore. But I always wanna put myself in danger. I always talk to people who I know will just hurt me. I always do dangerous things, especially if I...
    21cookielover21 21cookielover21 18-21, F 1 hr ago

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    Here I am again being dragged back in to the darkness, that evil inside me trying to push its way to the surface but I am fighting with all I have to push it back in to stay near...
    Gentleandlovingsoul Gentleandlovingsoul 36-40, F Jun 29

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    Everybody needs love. I've spent my time trying to dispute that; trying to convince myself that there is no need for it, but alas to no avail. So now i supplement my lack of real...
    EndSeeker EndSeeker 18-21, M Jul 15

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    Most religious groups are against gay marriage (I said most not all) I remember in high school one of my Christian friends fell out with me because I was gay and called it...
    ElizaChloe ElizaChloe 18-21, F 5 Responses Jun 30

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    I hate my ex boyfriend who couldn't be with me any more because he wasn't attracted to me. I hate him for saying that he wanted to be my forever and watched while I planned our...
    mooflower mooflower 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 11

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    God will love you no matter what! I've been thinking about guys since I was a little boy. No one made me think about this. I was born this way. But like you, I had a religious...
    cranename cranename 46-50, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    15 years old, marks my 4 year journey with acne-- and still ongoing. Not only does it upset me so much that its been 4 years and still nothing has yet to help me with my acne, but...
    nikkimorgs nikkimorgs 13-15, F Jul 1

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    I was diagnosed with pots in January of this year after going through a lot of pain and discomfort and not knowing what was wrong with me. My husbands and our families told me it...
    Dagreenfairy Dagreenfairy 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 5

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    so basically i am a girl, and so very attrected to this other girl. I think she likes me because of the things she does and says to me and about me, but i think she doesnt want to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jul 8

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    Alright so, Forgiveness - the art in which we "Allow oneself to overlook something someone has done" I've spent weeks, months, years even...talking to people researching, trying to...
    OGPrefix OGPrefix 26-30, M Jul 11

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    I am so frustrated with my grown 7 year old child she loves to take pictures and dance and just all around act like a grown women she is alway in my conversation!! She is throwing...
    cherrikisses22 cherrikisses22 22-25 2 Responses Jul 18

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    hey all ! ... this is important and big. can i have a small time of yours, just little.. few minutes.. i sign up here around a year back to share my story with people and i did. i...
    heartless2 heartless2 22-25, M a week ago

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    hey all ! ... this is important and big. can i have a small time of yours, just little.. few minutes.. i sign up here around a year back to share my story with people and i did. i...
    heartless2 heartless2 22-25, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    I battle with the homosexual spirit.... I want a family a wife and kids..... I love God and my savior Jesus Christ... I know the homosexual life style is wrong.... But I don't...
    Tired23 Tired23 22-25, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    So drained, Pulled down by the chains, Pain, Tiredness, The darkness seeks, Waiting, Hiding, It prays on the weak, Waiting, Hiding, To jump in and take! X
    Gentleandlovingsoul Gentleandlovingsoul 36-40, F Jun 30

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    I am falling for a guy I met over a cam site, i think he's really genuine... I don't think that he's just amusing me... He lives a short plane ride away and i don't even know if he...
    RecycledEmotions RecycledEmotions 18-21, M 3 Responses Jun 30

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