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I Am Struggling With The Urge Of Wanting To Hurt Myself

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 785 People

    I've been doing it for 4 years.

    . I just relapsed this month and I was so close to 6 months. I stopped but the urge to do it is so damn strong. I was so close to 6 months but I couldn't help it. I was hurting.
    PureLies PureLies 13-15, F 2 Responses Apr 28

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    It feels like I'm walking upstream through a

    current strong enough to pull me under four times over. There are others with me but they are walking along the banks telling me to "just get out of the water". But instead of extending a hand in help they just move on and leave me behind. Every once in a while I find a rock...
    nnawsnahta nnawsnahta 18-21, M 1 Response Dec 4, 2014

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    I've cut myself once,

    and I dont know if I should tell someone or not. I really don't know what to do or who I can trust.
    jeanine281 jeanine281 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 2

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    Hanging On The Edge Of Gloom

    its been over 4 years since i last cut. i wanted to see myself bleed. i needed to feel that there was someone called 'me' inside. it was a tough time...well it still is. it doesn't have anything to do w/ my husband or my 2 kids, just me. i am clinically depressed. that's...
    strangerinacrowd strangerinacrowd 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 10, 2012

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    I don't know what's wrong with me.

    This isn't my usual self. I just wish I didn't exist right now :(
    xGNFx xGNFx 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 3

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    Just looking at the old scars makes me want to

    reopen them all. To feel the cold, dull blade of the scissors clawing away on my wrists, my legs, my whole being. I feel nostalgic almost, thinking about doing it, but then I remember the looks I get and discussions I have to have. People don't understand why I want to hurt...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jun 20

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    kassidia kassidia 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 2, 2014

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    Mylo248 Mylo248 16-17, F 3 Responses Nov 29, 2014

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    I used to cut myself like two years ago.

    With some counseling, I managed to stop. And I've promised some of my friends I won't do it ever again. But sometimes its just so hard. I feel like I deserve it. And it just feels so good to channel all the pain I feel into that one cut. That once place. And for a little while...
    21cookielover21 21cookielover21 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 28, 2014

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    I don't know who to believe.

    ...or who to trust.... I just want to end it... I'm done with getting hurt... I'm tired of getting hurt...
    nomnommings nomnommings 16-17, F 1 Response Feb 28

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    It Hurts

    On days like today, when I lie in bed for hours, not eating, unwashed and lethargic, seething with anger and disgust toward myself, my fingernails are my only weapon. I drag shallow red scratch marks across my breasts and stomach, as though performing an autopsy. Even my longest...
    Naomi506 Naomi506 22-25 4 Responses Mar 31, 2013

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    On the surface I'm the perfect girl; heels

    and dress, flawless make-up, bright personality, college educated, a role-model, and always willing to help those who need it. But on the inside I'm shattered into a million pieces. I smoke behind closed doors, I drink myself into oblivion every chance I get, I'm promiscuous. I...
    Felicia209 Felicia209 18-21, F 2 Responses Aug 16

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    So I Did....

    Don’t freak, it was like 2 weeks ago... probably shortly after I wrote that last posting in here. If you know my stories you'd know I have a lot going on. Not that everybody doesn’t in theory... BUT well..... the things I have discovered about my family recently that urk me...
    AlyceOverTheRainbow AlyceOverTheRainbow 26-30, F 8 Responses Jul 5, 2011

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    I don't usually. The only times I have hurt

    myself it's out of immense anger or frustration, as in I can't lash out at what or who I really want to lash out at, so I hurt myself instead. Even when I do, it's nothing serious. I'll scratch myself, or hit my head. I rarely ever even break the skin. Today I got the urge. I...
    PinkMellow PinkMellow 18-21, F 1 Response May 19, 2014

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    It sucks when you close your eyes

    and all you can think about is death and self-harm. Like WTF is wrong with me?
    CNUSax CNUSax 18-21, M 3 Responses Aug 16

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    Haha, I don't even understand life anymore.

    for real, what is my purpose anymore. I can't do anything right. maybe tonight is the night. ??????
    nnawsnahta nnawsnahta 18-21, M 1 Response Dec 6, 2014

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    Right now everything is falling into thousand

    pieces..I might be losing my job, my roof had a washer dryer through it, I have no friends in this big city, 3 major college exams im totally unprepared for. I am struggling with staying positive, Ive been thinking about letting myself leave this world. Ive lost three friends...
    sadieblue44 sadieblue44 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 17, 2014

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    Smelyalata97 Smelyalata97 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 5, 2014

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    I think of hurting myself a lot its been a bad

    couple of years my apartment burned with everything in about a year ago and I lost my job 3 months ago I didn't even get to get my kids anything for Christmas life is just bad right now for us its just me and my kids.I think my daughter is losing faith in me and my two sons...
    tremaine37 tremaine37 36-40, M Dec 21, 2014

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    My head is a mess. I think I can't do this

    anymore, but then I think well I have to. By this, I mean life. I've felt this way before, a long time ago, but that came in surges usually when I was especially upset, now it's constant. It's more the feeling of not wanting to exist, if you were never born, so you had no impact...
    ForBetterOrForWorse ForBetterOrForWorse 18-21, F 3 Responses Aug 9, 2014

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    April 28, 2014, my father found out about my

    planned suicide attempt. He has "helped" me (yelled at me, told me I'm overreacting, says there's nothing to be sad about, etc.) for 365 days. It had been 394 days since I self-harmed. Last night and this morning, I cut myself. I got in a massive argument with my mom this...
    MadiofAsgard MadiofAsgard 16-17, F 6 Responses Apr 28

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    Life has been impossible

    for me these past 6 months especially the last two. I am miserable, in agony, I want to live but I can't right now. I've always flirted with the thought of suicide but now its more of an obsession. I would love to just blow my head off because I'm tired of this pain, I don't...
    Thefightingangel Thefightingangel 22-25, M Dec 18, 2014

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    There are times, usually

    when I screw up, where I just want to scratch and scratch at my forearms until I bleed. Luckily I'm in a good place at the moment but the struggle is still there.
    deleted deleted 26-30 Mar 1

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    I really wanna cut tonight,

    but it's so hard to fight the urge. I'm trying to be strong, buts it's not easy.
    lostgirl2001 lostgirl2001 13-15, F 2 Responses Jan 12

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    I hide away in my shower at home,

    my parents always yell at me and I'm tired of it. right now I'm in the shower its where I go when I need support on ep, can anyone help?
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Apr 27

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    I keep fantasizing about throwing a punch at

    someone so they will beat me up until I feel alive. I feel so guilty lately and It's such a lie that plays in my head, but I feel so undeserving.
    sweetsavanna sweetsavanna 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 9

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    It's been about two months

    since I cut myself and I really want to it's eating me alive.....
    kassidia kassidia 16-17, F 2 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    It's been 5 months, but the urge never goes

    away.... How do you distract yourself??
    SimplyEm SimplyEm 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 27

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    I have never hurt myself

    but it has crossed my mind multiple times. I like to think that its just a thought and I would never hurt myself but I am afraid that one day I really wont care.
    cheybear96 cheybear96 18-21, F 4 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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    I want to...but I'm not going to.

    It's just hard to stay strong :(
    xGNFx xGNFx 18-21, M 1 Response Feb 28

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    Today the 3 year anniversary of

    when I was raped...
    KC94 KC94 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 12, 2014

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    I am extremely depressed.

    I feel so bad. I just want to die or hurt myself really bad. No one likes to be around me. I'm a burden to my family. I feel like I have an anchor tied to my feet and I'm drowning. I just wanna curl up in bed and never ever wake again. But I have to act like I'm at least ok. I...
    Smelyalata97 Smelyalata97 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 30, 2014

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    I used to think about hanging myself

    and imagine the moment my neck snapped at the bottom of the drop. It seemed so satisfying in my imagination. Like cracking a joint but a thousand times better.
    iacob iacob 26-30, T 1 Response Aug 17

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    I need to cut. I need to cut.

    I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to cut. I need to...
    Smelyalata97 Smelyalata97 18-21, F 3 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    I know I shouldn't...

    I mean there is no real reason to....but the numbness is washing over and I just want to so bad...
    Mylo248 Mylo248 16-17, F Feb 1

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    I don't know what's going to Happen

    and I'm freaking out.
    Mylo248 Mylo248 16-17, F Dec 18, 2014

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    I can't find another way of feeling alive.

    ..i often avoid eating or sleeping...i am not cutting cuz my parents would be really upset but i want to do it so much...and our family has so many problems already.. it feels like pain takes away all the suicidal thoughts...i know future is coming but i got so many problems...
    anderlr anderlr 13-15, M Dec 26, 2014

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    I hate this part of meI've been bullied by girls

    and boys back in Elementary.. some called me witch because my hair was always a mess.. I hated it. A boy even punched me in the face when I was in the 5th grade and I just end up crying so much that I had a hard time breathing.. I hate crying.. I've always hurt myself whenever I...
    deleted deleted 26-30 7 Responses Jan 1, 2014

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    Why . . On Selfharming . .

    You know why people cut . . ? Because it is a distraction . For one moment , you don't feel all the pain , the loss , the hurt . All you feel is the razor going inside your skin . The blood dripping down your arm , leg , stomach . you don't think about how alone you are or how...
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Apr 7, 2013

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    Humiliated. Afraid Of Doing Really Stupid Right Now.

    I was discovered, and everybody already had noticed it. And still, I had to bear ******* indirect and malicious comments, as if I was a ******* hooker. They know it: I have a crush on that ******. Because I, unconsciously, stare back to him when I Ieave the office. Just this. And...
    fadedawaylife fadedawaylife 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 8, 2012

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    It's been just over a year

    since the last time I cut myself. This time of year is really hard for me. I miscarried last year, 5 days after the 1 year anniversary of my rape... For those who do cut, you understand that it's not meant to kill yourself, or be a cry for help, it's a way to pull yourself out...
    KC94 KC94 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 1, 2014

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