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I Am the Child of a Borderline Parent

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 463 People

    Healing Requires Grieving

    For years, I grieved my father, or rather, not having a "daddy". Finally one day I realized that i didn't miss him, but the idea of him, the role he didn't fulfill, the hopes and dreams of a little girl who wanted a daddy. It was easier after that. I am learning to not to...
    mikamii mikamii 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 2, 2012

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    I Survived... Kinda

    I survived. Not by much but I did. I had no idea that what she was, was anything but pure Evil. The sad reality is most people don’t know what they are or that they exist. The general public is unaware that Borderline mothers are just as dangerous as serial killers...
    MaryannCiav MaryannCiav 26-30 14 Responses Apr 28, 2012

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    19 Year Old: Learning That My Mother Had Bpd Freed Me Emotionally.

    My mother had me when she was young, 16 to be exact. I never knew my father because she left him when I was a baby. I have repressed many memories from my childhood (like many children of BPD parents have) but I always felt it was my fault. I had ADHD so I always figured that I...
    youllneverknowyouwereright youllneverknowyouwereright 18-21 12 Responses Jul 12, 2012

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    I Found My Solution To The Bp Problem!

    I cut ALL contact with my Borderline mom 7 years ago and it was the best thing I could have ever done! I bet you've wanted to as well but are questioning whether you should or not...and lets face it as adults kids of BPD parents we're taught early on that our thoughts must be...
    hadenough68 hadenough68 41-45 5 Responses Oct 9, 2010

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    My Undiagnosed Borderline Father (please Read)

    I am a 19 year old psychology major living with an undiagnosed borderline father (who happens to have a Ph.D in psychology. Oh, the irony!)I remember walking into my first session with a psychologist at my university. One of the first things I said to her (the counselor) was, "I...
    lovepsych lovepsych 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 9, 2013

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    The techniques of brainwashing are simple.

    .. Isolate the victim, Expose them to inconsistent messages, mix with sleep deprivation, add some sort of abuse Get the person to doubt what they know and feel, keep them on their toes, wear them down and stir well. So what then becomes of this victim, what or how long does...
    Intuitivebynature Intuitivebynature 46-50 2 Responses Jan 3

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    A Broken Household

    First off, I'd just like to say how grateful I am to have found this site. It is incredibly comforting to be able to read about similar experiences and have the opportunity to be able to share my story. I have been working on finding ways to be able to open up to others about my...
    perfectlynotperfect perfectlynotperfect 18-21 7 Responses Mar 4, 2013

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    Round And Round

    I just got engaged. People gently brought up the subject of telling my mom, as if I may shatter. People expect you to share this moment with your mother. My fiancé has been extremely understanding this past year, sometimes I can't sleep at night, worrying that I'm repeating this...
    Naplesnurse Naplesnurse 22-25 1 Response Aug 19, 2013

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    Everything Old Is New Again

    Ahhhh mama drama! I had been so exhausted with it, and the anger has dissipated for the most part. I'd been trying to respectfully keep my distance, texting to check in, keeping it light. At first, it was the love bombs "I'm so proud of you." Et. Al, but I knew that wouldn't last...
    Naplesnurse Naplesnurse 22-25 2 Responses Sep 23, 2013

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    Out Of Chaos Comes Beauty....Right?

    When people share stories of their mothers, their childhood, their intimate momements with mother daughter time, I usually cringe. I haven't been able to put my finger on exactly why, until this last year. My life living with a borderline parent has been a roller coaster that I...
    fromoutofnoting fromoutofnoting 22-25, F 1 Response Sep 16, 2013

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    Finally Seeking Help

    I am a beautiful, good-hearted, compassionate and empathic person. I am an educated professional. I have many friends and several close friends. But I am plagued by low self-esteem, insecurity, thought distortions and negativity, anger and sometimes even impetuous episodes of...
    evelina123 evelina123 31-35, F 2 Responses May 26, 2013

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    Anger, Sadness, Confusion And Resentment Consumes Me. Long But Here Goes.

    To my family that this may hurt for the bitter truth, I apologize in advance, for I will not be a victim anymore. I am a 29 y/o female who has recently been able to put a label on my mother and know that she really does have a sickness. After speaking to a therapist for the first...
    TryingToRecover13 TryingToRecover13 26-30, F 5 Responses Sep 18, 2013

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    How Do You Cope, As An Adult Child Of A Bpd Mother?

    A couple months ago I was given a copy of the book Understanding the Borderline Mother, which I'm sure many of you here are familiar with (and if you're not I would recommend it). I was absolutely blown away by this book. So much of it hit so closely to home. After all these...
    llrrcc llrrcc 26-30, F 14 Responses Aug 22, 2012

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    Run. Don't Walk

    I'm the oldest of 4 children...born to parents who've stayed married 45 years now. Our story just gets pooh-poohed by people who only hear bits and pieces...so I was surprised and sad to find other people who've "been there"...I thought the rest of the world thought this was no...
    cutloosenow cutloosenow 41-45, F 2 Responses Jan 2, 2011

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    My Mother Is Just Hateful... I Need To Get This Out I Guess

    I’m sorry if this is long but I need to get it out... I’m about to turn 30 and I've been through alot but the emotions I’ve dealt with over the past few years as a result of my mothers actions have been unbearable. Over the past few years I've been watching my mother reach...
    DreamerStasia DreamerStasia 26-30, F 4 Responses Aug 27, 2013

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    I have gone through various cycles during my

    adulthood- hate, forgiveness, anger, indifference- all these emotions are geared towards my mom. I have cut her out of my life several times, only to reaccept her when guilt weakens my resolve. "What kind of terrible person would disown their mother?"...this is what everyone...
    DACastle DACastle 31-35, F 2 Responses Jan 19

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    Saving My Daughter

    It's the hardest thing in the world, fighting the authorities to save your daughter from what I recently found out borderline disorder. I have read your stories and wish I could have saved you all but in saying that it took two years of hell and over a hundred thousand dollars to...
    Survivordad Survivordad 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 22, 2013

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    Does Anyone Else Feel Guilty?

    Even after many years of my father being diagnosed with BPD, I still have trouble understanding and often feel guilty for being mad at him. Even though, in theory, I know he has difficulty controlling his emotions I still get mad at him for not being rational and overacting to...
    lleexxiiss1 lleexxiiss1 18-21 2 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Hi all! It's been a while.

    .. Too long actually. As some of you may know my history & feelings about BPD/my BPD mother from my last post I found myself being pulled to the, dare I say "dark side" this morning. I suppose before I start I should fill you in. As I was free from the drama and games of my...
    MaryannCiav MaryannCiav 26-30 3 Responses Jan 19

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    Trying To Move On

    Feel like I need to vent anonymously. My parents no longer talk to me and I'm having a very difficult time accepting this. As far back as childhood i have had issues with my mother. She has always been dysfunctional. As a kid, she hit me, attacked me, broke a broom stick over...
    LookinUp302 LookinUp302 31-35, F 4 Responses Oct 17, 2013

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    I Thought My Story Would End When She Passed Away.

    I am 59 and my BP Mom passed away about 4 years ago. I had been to therapy prior to her death. That was a great help. Unfortunately it has been a little tough kind of rewireing myself without her and that constant pain and stress. When the struggle is over, the reallity of what...
    bnewbrand bnewbrand 56-60 2 Responses Oct 24, 2012

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    I Cry Silent Tears

    My mother is borderline. For the longest time, it was difficult to accept this. As i child, if i would venture off on my own there was a paranoid panic to her voice that i should "stay close". She would be loving and comforting one minute and then the next she would flip out...
    healerdw healerdw 22-25 5 Responses Mar 26, 2011

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    It Was Never Me

    After 5 years in therapy for numerous problems :depression, anxiety, thinking i was crazy, relationship issues, I now know that I am ok.  The reason for my problems was because I was raised by two borderline parents.  After living through the war zone that was my child hood It...
    lifebeginsat33 lifebeginsat33 31-35, F 5 Responses Apr 3, 2011

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    My Mother Has Made My Life Hell.

    Posted by MeOct 23rd, 2013 at 10:24AM There's so much to say... My morning started off with my mother coming back to her house and getting upset at me for brushing my child's teeth. My mother has custody of my three year old son due to her lies and charades in the courtroom...
    Crashsolar Crashsolar 22-25 Oct 23, 2013

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    I just wanted to share with all of you two songs

    that have had an impact me. I feel that they really relate to being a child of a borderline parent. Even if that was not what the song was intentionally wrote about. The lyrics have always stuck with me and I have always been able to relate to them. If you know of anymore...
    estrellados estrellados 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 17

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    Understanding Bpd ~ Part III ~ Overview

    This is the third segment in a series on my Blogger blog that I am doing on Borderline Personality Disorder.  Most of the series, I give very personal examples as my mother is a severe BPD without treatment and I have BPD with treatment and I am doing very well. According...
    ClinicallyClueless ClinicallyClueless 41-45, F 4 Responses Aug 4, 2008

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    I've recently been seeing a new therapist to

    help "manage" my borderline mom and siblings. According to him I need to change my own beliefs about their behavior (no changing theirs) in order to be less affected by their hostile actions towards me. This I try, but a person would have to be a zen master to live in this...
    lostmarbles lostmarbles 26-30, F 1 Response Mar 26

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    God Rest Her Soul

    My mother and her mother dont speak, she jokingly refers to her mother as "god rest her soul" a title which i am now passing along to her, if this was a happy story, you wouldn't be reading it here. My mother was never officially diagnosed, but I have had two different therapists...
    Naplesnurse Naplesnurse 22-25 8 Responses Jan 15, 2013

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    Learning To Live Again

    I am one of 4 children. I have 2 younger brothers and 1 older sister. My father passed away from brain cancer a little over 2 years ago and my BPD mother is now remarried. Where to begin. I thought my family was normal. I know that my parents tried hard not to repeat the same...
    nurseanda nurseanda 26-30, F Jun 8, 2013

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    A Painful Story

    I wrote this, originally, for my blog but since that is under my real name and is connected with my professional work, I will post my story here instead. It is by no means complete, but I tried to write all that I could. I was an abused child; my mother's and grandmother's...
    annakarenina28 annakarenina28 26-30, F 2 Responses Jul 24, 2012

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    Wow... so many stories similar to mine.

    . The feeling that there is someone out there that can actually understands what it is like it is very soothing to me so I hope it is for other people too.. so here is my story: Since I was little my bigger fear was to be like my mother. I also felt guilty/bad for not wanting...
    moniva75 moniva75 36-40, F 1 Response Dec 19, 2013

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    My Mother Is Toxic.

    I grew up fighting with her, slamming doors, writing in my diary that she is crazy and I hated her. Cried myself to sleep most nights and felt trapped in a horrible place where I was always blamed for things and insulted for no reason. Now that I am 20, I am beginning to realise...
    Rainydays293 Rainydays293 18-21, F 4 Responses Dec 9, 2012

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    Now 48 and on the eve of my mother's 75th

    birthday, after a week of volatile family strife, I can now definitively say that I am the child of a borderline parent. I dabbled in the issue a few years back, but I think I was too caught up in understanding my own depression (now conquered for the most part) to absorb this...
    AmySF415 AmySF415 46-50, F 2 Responses Jan 25

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    Anger And Annoyance Lately With Bpd

    I am a 26 y/o female only child of a Borderline Personality Disorder mother.  She has no acceptance of her BPD and thinks I'm crazy for thinking it...she found one of my books a long time ago.  Of course, BPDs are great at 'acting' for the outside world, including for...
    saradanette saradanette 26-30 7 Responses Jan 22, 2011

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    Difficult Subject

    WARNING: What follows is possibly more than you would ever care to know about my life story (although it is only a fraction of what has shaped who I am today). It might be a little depressing and it might make you feel a little uncomfortable (I always feel a little uncomfortable...
    NaomiZero NaomiZero 26-30, F 27 Responses Apr 15, 2009

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    I am a child of a borderline mother

    and I am so happy to have met you all. I am now 27 years old and have just recently started researching bpd after a friend of the family profusely apologized to my brother, sister and I and suggested that I read up on BPD because she believed that my mother had the disorder...
    estrellados estrellados 26-30, F 2 Responses Dec 29, 2013

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    My Insane Life With My Single, Bdp Mother

    I am a 32 year old child of a borderline mother....it has taken a brilliant therapist to diagnose her without any contact with her...she is a direct result of my depression, anxiety, and past self-destructive behavior...I am currently reading "Understanding the Borderline Mother...
    ilovestaplers ilovestaplers 31-35 17 Responses Jul 12, 2011

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    Overcoming A Bpd Parent & Deciding I Deserved Happiness

    I was 7 the first time I tried to kill myself. My mother was at work and the other adults in the house were taking a nap. I quietly crept into the kitchen and rummaged through the knife drawer until I found a sharp knife longer than my wrist. I remember staring at the knife and...
    Anonymous216 Anonymous216 26-30 2 Responses Oct 30, 2012

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    I am thoroughly confused most days in dealing

    with my mom. Am I causing all the strife her attitude my upset or is she really BPD? My brother is and has always been the good one and to such a degree that he feels guilty if he doesn't see her weekly and help her our financially. There have been several times he haden't heard...
    Cwm6 Cwm6 31-35, F 1 Response Feb 25

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    It's More Painful To Remember Than To Forget...

    I am currently a 25 year old Psychology major in college. And it took me until recently to discover why my childhood was so painful and why I feel the need to punish myself even into adulthood. My mother's emotional roller-coaster seems to revolve around the men in her life...
    katriana katriana 22-25 8 Responses May 3, 2011

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    Forgive and Forget Because She May Have Cancer?

    I happened to stumble upon this site while looking for information on being a child of a BPD mother. I have to say, I am honestly blown away. Thank you all for sharing your stories. I too am the child of a BPD mother. I'm 29 now, but just coming to understand how deeply it has...
    heelsorhighh2o heelsorhighh2o 26-30, F 5 Responses Sep 22, 2013

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    Mixed Feelings: Emotional Terrorist Or Affectionate Perfectionist?

    Mixed feelings ... that would be an understatement! My mom was valedictorian of her high school class of 900. She graduated with a 4.0 GPA. She was class president. She was blonde, blue-eyed and smoking-hot gorgeous (Dad said 'everyone else's girlfriend in college was a 9, but...
    bethemusic bethemusic 26-30 3 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Question

    I am a child of a borderline parent... does anyone ever question if we married a person or surround ourselves with people like our controlling parent? Since it is all I know how can you tell?   Are we just continuing the cycle
    deleted deleted 26-30 5 Responses Oct 1, 2013

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    Survival

    Never heard of BPD until this Feb I am 53, trying to save our 30 year marriage, our therapist put the puzzle together, I hid who I really am so very well....death of my father at age 9, mothers severe emotional and physical abuse, fear I lived in everyday with no one there to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Sep 30, 2013

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    I Was Never Burnt With Cigarettes

    I am the adult child of an undiagnosed borderline mother. While I always knew that there was something very "off" about my mother it is only recently that I discovered the source of her endless manipulations and rage. What sealed the diagnosis for me, aside from her meeting the...
    neverburnt neverburnt 36-40, F 4 Responses Aug 22, 2013

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    Everything HAS To Be About Her!

    Hi, I'm new to this scene, but I've found it extremely helpful in identifying the craziness. I am the daughter of a borderline, & I knew from a very young age that something was wrong within this relationship. I have been verbally, physically, and emotionally abused for as...
    chiefprincess2 chiefprincess2 31-35 3 Responses Nov 6, 2013

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    For the longest time I bought into the lie

    that my family was like any other. I was fed that "truth" so much by mother. But the truth is it was not, and boy when that truth hit me as an adult it nearly destroyed my life. My life is still SO NOT RIGHT. I have trouble trusting others and have been victimized by people that...
    absentmemories absentmemories 46-50, F 1 Response Jan 5

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    So it seems that BPD fathers are much less

    common than BPD mothers. But that's what I've got. My father is undiagnosed, but I have a hard time seeing all of these stories and doing all this research without conceding that he must be borderline, narcissistic, or both. He's the type of person who is a dream to be with one...
    ipodfreek ipodfreek 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 12

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    My Borderline Experience With My Mother

    Well, today i am 18. Only by happenstance did i come across sites and such because i felt so down and wrong that i was looking for help. The more i read the more i became shocked. what i was reading could have easily come from the pages of my life. And that was about half and...
    AdamsKeyblade AdamsKeyblade 18-21, M 3 Responses Nov 19, 2009

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    Thrilled To Have Found This Group

    In middle-age now, a mother myself, my childhood so far behind me, yet i feel stuck and sad and often defeated, hopeless.  My mother died five years ago, and I feel unable to grieve because for so much of my life i'd wished her to die, feeling like that was the only way I could...
    AnnieEl AnnieEl 46-50 6 Responses Jan 12, 2012

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    I Think My Mother Is Borderline, I Think Her Mother Was Borderline

    I always thought they were just kind of depressed, angry people. I thought everyone lived like I did.... sudden rages, screaming, hitting me, kicking me out the house, lack of nurturing, telling me too much personal information, like we were friends and I wasn't a child...
    mikamii mikamii 41-45, F 6 Responses Aug 1, 2012

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    Your Stories...

    I apologise in advance for invading your place to share your stories. I have been reading them all and I have found them heartbreaking. In no way did any way did you deserve that. I am a BPD mother. I have son who is 8 years old. I have done my very best to shelter him from my...
    frillynat81 frillynat81 31-35, F 3 Responses Sep 9, 2013

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    Disabled And Dependant

    My mom and two of my siblings are borderline. None of them are willing to get help for it. And they feed off from each other on a daily basis. Unfortunately I am disabled and very dependent on them for help day to day. I try to find ways to separate myself from them (activities...
    lostmarbles lostmarbles 26-30, F 3 Responses Oct 18, 2013

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    Sorry, but this is going to be long.

    . I want to know what anyone else thinks. I have read many of your stories, and to be honest, I feel extremely fortunate. My husband (a mental health RN) and I both feel that my mother has some borderline tendencies, but these didn't really emerge (that I noticed, but who knows...
    brokenbutlucky brokenbutlucky 22-25, F 1 Response 14 hrs ago

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    I Recently Ended My Relationship With My Borderline Father

    7 months ago I stepped away from my relationship with my father. He was diagnosed a borderline personality and depressive after his divorce from my mother and admission into rehab for alcoholism 20 years ago. My childhood with him was what you would expect from a child of a...
    thetallest77 thetallest77 36-40, M 7 Responses Sep 8, 2013

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    Question For Adults With A Borderline Mother

    I'm 38 now. My relationship with my mother has improved greatly since I was a child -- or has it?!! Sometimes I can't tell. I thought everything was fine and recently I caught her deliberately pushing my buttons -- she does this in a way that you can't detect at first but when...
    ohmygooseness ohmygooseness 36-40, F 4 Responses Sep 28, 2013

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