I Am the Child of a Borderline Parent

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 617 People

    I have no idea where to

    even start. My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder (she has been diagnosed) and her mental health has reeked havoc on my entire life. I suffered years of emotional and physical abuse. Of course, no one believed me as a child because she comes across as mother of the year...
    urbancowgrl7152 urbancowgrl7152
    3 Responses Jan 21, 2015

    Finally Seeking Help

    I am a beautiful, good-hearted, compassionate and empathic person. I am an educated professional. I have many friends and several close friends. But I am plagued by low self-esteem, insecurity, thought distortions and negativity, anger and sometimes even impetuous episodes of...
    evelina123 evelina123
    36-40, F
    3 Responses May 26, 2013

    I have four daughters

    who are still under 8 and my mother tries the conquer and divide tactic with them, with the oldest by bribing her, showering g her with gifts that are just for her. She tries to sculpt her in her own image, through the very limited interactions she has with her. And my daughter...
    Pressi75 Pressi75
    1 Response Sep 20, 2015

    I Cry Silent Tears

    My mother is borderline. For the longest time, it was difficult to accept this. As i child, if i would venture off on my own there was a paranoid panic to her voice that i should "stay close". She would be loving and comforting one minute and then the next she would flip out...
    healerdw healerdw
    8 Responses Mar 26, 2011

    I was a child of a very emotionally abusive BPD

    father. So many years later I still struggle with the deep residual effects. The awful reality is that you are left holding the bag after the chaotic storms of a borderline parent have left, and the world judges and punishes you for the residual effects in myriad ways... and you...
    humbom humbom
    31-35, M
    Dec 14, 2014

    Hi there Dont know where to start- Im 31 years

    old now and a mother of two girls born 2011&2013. My mum is still undiagnosed but my therapist is sure that she has Boarderline Syndrome. Im the oldest of two daughters my sister is 10 years younger and I left Home with 16 into a house of the youth welfare service. With 18 I had...
    girlsmommy girlsmommy
    31-35, F
    3 Responses Jun 22, 2014

    How Do You Cope, As An Adult Child Of A Bpd Mother?

    A couple months ago I was given a copy of the book Understanding the Borderline Mother, which I'm sure many of you here are familiar with (and if you're not I would recommend it). I was absolutely blown away by this book. So much of it hit so closely to home. After all these...
    llrrcc llrrcc
    26-30, F
    24 Responses Aug 22, 2012

    I am a 24 year old Psychiatric Nurse.

    My mother inspired my career choice without me even realizing it. Ever since I can remember, my sister and I have been told daily what is wrong with us and what we have done wrong. My mother when in a bad mood would enter our bedrooms and bathroom just to inspect them and find...
    Nln91 Nln91
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Jan 8, 2016

    I've suspected that my mother was undiagnosed

    bpd for a few years now but for some reason never thought to search "bpd mother". Reading this thread has cemented what was previously a strong suspicion. My mother grew up in a nightmare environment of both sexual and emotional abuse, and I can't even begin to imagine what that...
    sg318 sg318
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Aug 31, 2014

    Hey everyone, I think a lot of you might enjoy

    this. It's my personal way of trying to understand who I am considering I was never allowed that growing up, so please check it out for me! Thanks www.ajourneyblogged.wordpress.com
    kxCobra kxCobra
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Dec 30, 2014

    Learning To Live Again

    I am one of 4 children. I have 2 younger brothers and 1 older sister. My father passed away from brain cancer a little over 2 years ago and my BPD mother is now remarried. Where to begin. I thought my family was normal. I know that my parents tried hard not to repeat the same...
    nurseanda nurseanda
    31-35, F
    Jun 8, 2013

    Hey everyone, do you think it is possible

    for children who have borderline parents to have PTSD? I know a lot of it depends on what kind of abuse we experienced and to what level, but it is just a thought.
    kxCobra kxCobra
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Feb 22, 2016

    Today in my intro level English creative

    writing class In college we had to read aloud essays that we wrote in our own time- we were free to write about anything, but it had to be a certain word count, so I wrote about my relationship with my mother, how she works, my experiences, etc. I started crying at the end of...
    kxCobra kxCobra
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Sep 8, 2015

    A Broken Household

    First off, I'd just like to say how grateful I am to have found this site. It is incredibly comforting to be able to read about similar experiences and have the opportunity to be able to share my story. I have been working on finding ways to be able to open up to others about my...
    perfectlynotperfect perfectlynotperfect
    7 Responses Mar 4, 2013

    I Survived... Kinda

    I survived. Not by much but I did. I had no idea that what she was, was anything but pure Evil. The sad reality is most people don’t know what they are or that they exist. The general public is unaware that Borderline mothers are just as dangerous as serial killers...
    MaryannCiav MaryannCiav
    18 Responses Apr 28, 2012

    Research: What do children of parents with

    Borderline need? Hello everyone, I am a German social worker who has been interested in the topic of Borderline since my studies (of course, that has personal reasons, too). Now I work in a mother-child-project. And here I wondered what support children of a parent with...
    searcher4 searcher4
    31-35, F
    5 Responses Aug 3, 2015

    A prison of pain and emotional rape,

    isolation, betrayal, fear, hopelessness, OVERWHELMING WEIGHT to meet others needs when I was emotionally and mentally bankrupt, invisible, mute, suffocating, feeling buried alive, an object of scorn, teased and bullied by the only ones I had to look to for nurture, support...
    poeticxpression poeticxpression
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Mar 7, 2015

    My Mother Is Toxic.

    I grew up fighting with her, slamming doors, writing in my diary that she is crazy and I hated her. Cried myself to sleep most nights and felt trapped in a horrible place where I was always blamed for things and insulted for no reason. Now that I am 20, I am beginning to realise...
    Rainydays293 Rainydays293
    18-21, F
    5 Responses Dec 9, 2012

    I don't speak to Rosi,

    the woman who birthed me. I would call her Mom or even Mother, if she qualified for either title. The woman who was to have been my Mom, died in her early childhood from abuse, adoption, and of course BPD. The shell of a human left over is Rosi, a black hole of neediness, and...
    MarcyBrawner MarcyBrawner
    41-45, F
    1 Response Jul 30, 2014

    My mom was diagnosed

    as borderline years before I was born. I found out less than a year ago, I am now 28. She was not the person who told me. My brother was in the states on a surprise visit from the Peace Corps and she went through his phone and read his texts, mainly the ones between him and...
    nboyd123 nboyd123
    3 Responses Jul 1, 2014

    A Painful Story

    I wrote this, originally, for my blog but since that is under my real name and is connected with my professional work, I will post my story here instead. It is by no means complete, but I tried to write all that I could. I was an abused child; my mother's and grandmother's...
    annakarenina28 annakarenina28
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Jul 24, 2012

    I am 37 years old. I found this board

    because I had to get some things off my chest about my mom. I downloaded the app and then had to hide it in case I ever leave my phone in her presence and she clicks on the app and sees what I post. Even my phone is not private with a bpd. It is sad at my age I panic if I leave...
    poeticxpression poeticxpression
    31-35, F
    Mar 7, 2015

    I'm happy that in the last few days I

    discovered what was with my mother all this time. Today was the first time I spoke with a doctor about it, next is the physiatrist. Like most children of bpd mothers
    sabina44 sabina44
    46-50, F
    2 Responses Apr 20, 2015

    I am an only child of a single parent

    who is a mother with borderline personality disorder. It's been just her and I since I was 4. I'm now 32. I'm a lesbian, in love...and finding it terribly difficult to move forward with my life, (and partner). For instance, things such as moving in together, getting married...
    Coro121 Coro121
    31-35, F
    1 Response Feb 13, 2015

    It Was Never Me

    After 5 years in therapy for numerous problems :depression, anxiety, thinking i was crazy, relationship issues, I now know that I am ok.  The reason for my problems was because I was raised by two borderline parents.  After living through the war zone that was my child hood It...
    lifebeginsat33 lifebeginsat33
    31-35, F
    6 Responses Apr 3, 2011

    Overcoming A Bpd Parent & Deciding I Deserved Happiness

    I was 7 the first time I tried to kill myself. My mother was at work and the other adults in the house were taking a nap. I quietly crept into the kitchen and rummaged through the knife drawer until I found a sharp knife longer than my wrist. I remember staring at the knife and...
    Anonymous216 Anonymous216
    2 Responses Oct 30, 2012

    I'm 21 years old, and this is probably the

    first time I've really let myself believe that what I have experienced is not something I brought upon myself. For so long I've felt so distressed in who I am as a person, feeling like there is something 'wrong' with me, that I don't fit anywhere, I cant relate to other people...
    mjh92 mjh92
    22-25, F
    5 Responses Sep 12, 2014

    My Borderline Experience With My Mother

    Well, today i am 18. Only by happenstance did i come across sites and such because i felt so down and wrong that i was looking for help. The more i read the more i became shocked. what i was reading could have easily come from the pages of my life. And that was about half and...
    AdamsKeyblade AdamsKeyblade
    18-21, M
    3 Responses Nov 19, 2009

    My Insane Life With My Single, Bdp Mother

    I am a 32 year old child of a borderline mother....it has taken a brilliant therapist to diagnose her without any contact with her...she is a direct result of my depression, anxiety, and past self-destructive behavior...I am currently reading "Understanding the Borderline Mother...
    ilovestaplers ilovestaplers
    17 Responses Jul 12, 2011

    I just wanted to share with all of you two songs

    that have had an impact me. I feel that they really relate to being a child of a borderline parent. Even if that was not what the song was intentionally wrote about. The lyrics have always stuck with me and I have always been able to relate to them. If you know of anymore...
    estrellados estrellados
    31-35, F
    3 Responses Feb 17, 2014

    After christmas break,

    my mother decided to finally tell me that she wanted to "let me go" because she "just didn't enjoy spending time with me." This is after I spent a lot of time and money to see her in some outer corner of the world. When I asked her why I always come to see her and she never me...
    sideffex sideffex
    36-40, F
    1 Response Jan 3, 2015

    It just sucks and it never gets better.

    The best I can do is placate and try to pacify, but it is so wearing. You can't even begin to suggest that she seek help because everything in her world is fine, it's everyone else who has the problem. Technically, she's right, with the only caveat being that she's the reason...
    loresmom loresmom
    46-50, F
    3 Responses Jan 18, 2015

    God Rest Her Soul

    My mother and her mother dont speak, she jokingly refers to her mother as "god rest her soul" a title which i am now passing along to her, if this was a happy story, you wouldn't be reading it here. My mother was never officially diagnosed, but I have had two different therapists...
    Naplesnurse Naplesnurse
    8 Responses Jan 15, 2013

    I am 35 years old and my mother suffers from

    undiagnosed BPD. I have devoted so much of my life trying to get her to see me and love me. She has rejected me every step of the way. Growing up I walked on egg shells because I didn't know when she would explode and start berating and belittling me. When she wasn't raging...
    Sunshine127 Sunshine127
    36-40, F
    4 Responses Nov 13, 2014

    I recently decided it was time to do something,

    anything about the toxic relationship between my mother and I. As others have written on this site, it is both empowering and validating to know that other people have had similar experiences with one of their parents. Growing up I believed that I had normal parents who provided...
    BradyG15 BradyG15
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Jan 16, 2015

    Difficult Subject

    WARNING: What follows is possibly more than you would ever care to know about my life story (although it is only a fraction of what has shaped who I am today). It might be a little depressing and it might make you feel a little uncomfortable (I always feel a little uncomfortable...
    NaomiZero NaomiZero
    26-30, F
    24 Responses Apr 15, 2009

    Saving My Daughter

    It's the hardest thing in the world, fighting the authorities to save your daughter from what I recently found out borderline disorder. I have read your stories and wish I could have saved you all but in saying that it took two years of hell and over a hundred thousand dollars to...
    Survivordad Survivordad
    46-50, M
    1 Response Apr 22, 2013

    I Thought My Story Would End When She Passed Away.

    I am 59 and my BP Mom passed away about 4 years ago. I had been to therapy prior to her death. That was a great help. Unfortunately it has been a little tough kind of rewireing myself without her and that constant pain and stress. When the struggle is over, the reallity of what...
    bnewbrand bnewbrand
    2 Responses Oct 24, 2012

    Most recent event: My mom was going to stay at

    my place for one night on a road trip. She had her dogs with her (which she clearly loves more than me and often makes jokes about how much it hurts me). They track dirt and no matter how many times I ask her to wipe their feet before letting them into my home she never does it...
    tinklas tinklas
    26-30, F
    1 Response Jun 2, 2014

    I have just gotten on here

    as a way to connect and get support/give support with other healthy children of a borderline parent. I have recently come to grips with this issue and it has been a bit overwhelming but puts so many things into context. I know I am not alone nor crazy.
    pschrap pschrap
    56-60, F
    1 Response Aug 6, 2015

    I haven't really got any solutions

    for this issue. But I did have a small measure of triumph. For years, I didn't know what my moms issue was until I saw a therapist who explained what I was dealing with. After doing a little reading, I found out that borderlines have a hard time seeking help because they don't...
    Emojinoid Emojinoid
    36-40, F
    3 Responses Mar 7, 2015

    19 Year Old: Learning That My Mother Had Bpd Freed Me Emotionally.

    My mother had me when she was young, 16 to be exact. I never knew my father because she left him when I was a baby. I have repressed many memories from my childhood (like many children of BPD parents have) but I always felt it was my fault. I had ADHD so I always figured that I...
    youllneverknowyouwereright youllneverknowyouwereright
    11 Responses Jul 12, 2012

    I'm 25 and my mom is 50 years old.

    She hasn't been diagnosed, but she is the textbook definition of borderline personality disorder. I moved out at 18 to another state to get away from her, which has done WONDERS to my mental and physical health. I'm now surrounded by people who love me and care about me and...
    DustyLion DustyLion
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Sep 17, 2014

    I Think My Mother Is Borderline, I Think Her Mother Was Borderline

    I always thought they were just kind of depressed, angry people. I thought everyone lived like I did.... sudden rages, screaming, hitting me, kicking me out the house, lack of nurturing, telling me too much personal information, like we were friends and I wasn't a child...
    mikamii mikamii
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Aug 1, 2012

    My mom had 4 kids. 3 boys

    and me. As far as favorites go, I think I'm it. I remember being as young as 5 and being so defiant. I was intelligent, and I was starved for other activities. I had potential and I knew it and I wanted to shine. She told me no constantly. In reading some of these stories, I...
    lnorthstarl lnorthstarl
    26-30, F
    1 Response Jan 10, 2016

    Hello, all. I was raised by a borderline mother

    who also has traits of narcissism. I am currently undergoing psychotherapy to detach from my mother, once and for all. I have received a lot of support and encouragement from the few family members who know the truth, plus my husband has been the key in keeping me on track...
    ElleMoon ElleMoon
    22-25, F
    Sep 5, 2015

    Thrilled To Have Found This Group

    In middle-age now, a mother myself, my childhood so far behind me, yet i feel stuck and sad and often defeated, hopeless.  My mother died five years ago, and I feel unable to grieve because for so much of my life i'd wished her to die, feeling like that was the only way I could...
    AnnieEl AnnieEl
    6 Responses Jan 12, 2012


    Hello, I am new to this site and like everyone else, I am simply in awe at the similarity in these experiences with a borderline mother. I have been encouraged, inspired, and just saddened when reading some of the posts. Most of all, I have found validation that it's not me...
    B1961 B1961
    56-60, F
    Oct 27, 2014

    It's More Painful To Remember Than To Forget...

    I am currently a 25 year old Psychology major in college. And it took me until recently to discover why my childhood was so painful and why I feel the need to punish myself even into adulthood. My mother's emotional roller-coaster seems to revolve around the men in her life...
    katriana katriana
    9 Responses May 3, 2011

    Mixed Feelings: Emotional Terrorist Or Affectionate Perfectionist?

    Mixed feelings ... that would be an understatement! My mom was valedictorian of her high school class of 900. She graduated with a 4.0 GPA. She was class president. She was blonde, blue-eyed and smoking-hot gorgeous (Dad said 'everyone else's girlfriend in college was a 9, but...
    bethemusic bethemusic
    4 Responses Jun 4, 2012

    Healing Requires Grieving

    For years, I grieved my father, or rather, not having a "daddy". Finally one day I realized that i didn't miss him, but the idea of him, the role he didn't fulfill, the hopes and dreams of a little girl who wanted a daddy. It was easier after that. I am learning to not to...
    mikamii mikamii
    41-45, F
    1 Response Aug 2, 2012

    My mother has been diagnosed with BPD,

    according to my father, who was told by their therapist that she has this disorder. The more I research it, the more I realize that this is, indeed, what my mother must suffer from. However, I am trying to deal with her attacks and, being almost 30 years old and happily married...
    wylieatf wylieatf
    31-35, F
    3 Responses May 6, 2014

    My daughter turned 13 today.

    The very first promise I made her was that I would never treat her the way my BPD mom had treated me. And I've kept it. I've always intended to protect her from that. I tried to keep a relationship with my mother over the years so that they could know each other. I won't...
    AmandainFL AmandainFL
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Mar 9, 2015

    My mother is diagnosed with BPD.

    I've kinda known for several years, however her alcoholism was taking the blame for all of her verbal berating & the time, 2 years ago, when she physically hit me (because I refused to go buy her more alcohol), knocking me to the floor while on vacation & then left & called the...
    AmandainFL AmandainFL
    41-45, F
    Jan 13, 2015
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