I Am the Family Scapegoat

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 690 People

    Can a Parent Be the Scapegoat?

    It has taken me decades to realise what has happened to me. I write my story in the hope that others will see in it their own situation and reach an awareness  that will save them some of the heartbreak I have suffered, especially in the last three...
    Bantry Bantry
    9 Responses Sep 27, 2009

    I'm at the point where I don't know

    if it's better to cut all ties or try to make it work. I feel so alone. My family hates me and blames me for everything. I can't survive on my own but the abuse is torture.
    username2443 username2443
    26-30, F
    3 Responses Jan 10, 2014

    My mother would say exactly this kind of stuff.

    But in fact she was and is a severely dissociated and disturbed woman, who was completely incapable of providing attachment or anything resembling love to her children. She was violently abusive both emotionally and physically, and kept us all completely isolated from...
    Ajushi Ajushi
    41-45, M
    2 Responses Jan 22, 2015

    My Turn

    I'm the oldest of two and I feel as though I'm the mom. My mom acts like I'm suppose to be responsible for everything and she and my brother don't have to do anything! When something goes wrong its always my fault or why didn't I do this or that ...I have my issues which are...
    AsAlwaysAlone AsAlwaysAlone
    31-35, F
    1 Response Feb 20, 2013

    Finally Getting Better

    I was recently laid off from a terrible job. My co-workers had bullied the previous four people in my position and it was truly terrible to be at the receiving end of their abuse. Screaming and backstabbing. I had three months from the time that I received the news of my layoff...
    TriciaAnne TriciaAnne
    Nov 2, 2013


    I don't have the obviously ****** up and abusive family. **** it man, everyone thinks they're cool. I get gaslit every time I try to legitimize my experience and I honestly kick myself in the teeth trying to defend and apologize for them. I first knew I was the scapegoat when I...
    BudFrancis BudFrancis
    2 Responses Apr 20, 2013

    My Best Is Never Good Enough.

    I am half Native American. I only mention this because sometimes it feels as though this is a factor when it comes to how my mother and siblings treat me. My mother got pregnant with me and then gave me away to her mother and stepfather. She got married two years later and...
    Arwen2 Arwen2
    36-40, F
    Mar 28, 2013

    Black Sheep

    My parents are narcissists. I am the Family scapegoat. Psychologically and physically abused. Married twice - both abusive narcissists (actually second husband was a sociopath not narcissist). I cannot begin to describe the life long horror and pain I have experienced at these...
    Azure33 Azure33
    31-35, F
    4 Responses Jan 29, 2013

    I Don't Belong...

    I am 30 and the middle child of my family. I have an older sister and a younger brother. I was a very spunky child, and when something didn't seem right I was never afraid to stand up for what I believed in at 5, or even 20. I also was the sibling to share what I had...
    KateriLee KateriLee
    6 Responses Oct 4, 2012

    Woke Up And Smelled The Coffee!

    Yup, it is all too true.  Despite a 6 figure income and complete loyality to my family of orgin, I am the family failure! Oh please.Anyway, I have gotten off the tread mill of being made fun of all the time, having my accomplishments turned to nothing, and being falsely acused...
    Justmegettingwell Justmegettingwell
    8 Responses Nov 20, 2011

    I used to believe at 13

    or so that if I just behaved perfectly my parents would be nice to me. It didn't occur to me that this was not realistic, my parents weren't out to get me after all. It was all my fault. Then one day I realized, it actually wasn't. A few examples of my family scapegoating me...
    amy7777777 amy7777777
    22-25, F
    4 Responses May 30, 2014

    The Old "scapegoat" Copout

    here is a scapegoat in every family. Unfortunately at times this was my role in the family. To be honest, I really didn't mind it because I was protecting my three younger sisters. I was stronger,, tougher than they were and so it was ok to take the blame all the time. Later...
    1 Response Jan 18, 2013

    I Can Do Nothing Right In My Family

    I hate feeling afraid or anxious all the time. I am the family scapegoat but also the peace-keeper. I am the daughter of an alcoholic mother and even though I am an adult I am still not over the **** I went through as a child. My mother repeatedly put me down for being overweight...
    scapegoat scapegoat
    8 Responses May 8, 2008

    Twilight zone Im writing on this support forum

    because my therapist isnt always available. Sadly my therapist is the only person not abusing me emotionally or psychologically in my life. The scapegoating in my family have gotten to a level that is irreparable and now I have to deal with feelings of anger for not knowing...
    bedriddenbeauty bedriddenbeauty
    31-35, F
    5 Responses May 15, 2014

    I finally divorced myself mentally

    and severed contact. They are dead to me now. Very likely, I won't even be at my parents funerals. It was far more confusing and damaging for me than for many, because the situation with my parents is that they actually loved their kids, at least somewhere in their hearts, but...
    Ajushi Ajushi
    41-45, M
    2 Responses Jun 28, 2014

    Being The Only Girl

    I feel so uncomfortable in my house I'm always getting yelled at for the smallest things my mother treats me as if I am still a teenager it's so frustrating. And when I ask her why she isn't this way with my younger and older brother she responds with they are boys women are...
    mizzthang15 mizzthang15
    26-30, F
    2 Responses May 13, 2013

    Scapegoat Poem

    My story is very long and drawn out.  But instead of my story,  I will post this poem I wrote.  I think many may be able to relate.  Also hope it encourages you all:  The Scapegoat   I know they made me the scapegoat, and I never had a choice. All the...
    rejectedandfree rejectedandfree
    36-40, F
    6 Responses May 13, 2011

    As with the others Ive read .

    . . very very grateful to find this site . . . At age 68 it's just now becoming clear to me that I've spent my life as the family Scapegoat. I was a 'teenage rebel' and did all the things I wasnt supposed to do . . . acting out I guess . . . and then ran away at age 18...
    diane321 diane321
    70+, F
    2 Responses Mar 11, 2014

    Scapegoat Hell

    I was born the youngest of two children, both female, to two alcoholic parents.  My mother died from alcoholism at age 50 and my father died at 62.  My older sister is almost five years older than I am, and she has made my life a living hell for as long as I can remember...
    Lucinda43 Lucinda43
    61-65, F
    4 Responses Jul 4, 2010

    Philosophical Detachment

    I have been scapegoated in so many different types of situations and circumstances that I've been able to develop a high degree of detachment to the process and the actions of others. This is also unfortunate because life at such times feels more like a play that is being...
    nplnsolo nplnsolo
    36-40, M
    5 Responses Mar 11, 2011

    I Have Resigned From That Position

    Wow. What a relief to see all the stories in this group. Misery does love company ... lol. Not really. It is nice to know I'm not the only one who has been through this experience. I have a large extended family. I've written my tales of woe & despair too many times...
    SeriouslySappy SeriouslySappy
    51-55, F
    6 Responses Oct 27, 2011

    As The Scapegoat, Im Busy Googling How I Can Speak In A Way That Wont Make People Angry

    Growing up, I was the brat and crybaby. We spent a lot of time with extended family, and everyone agreed that I was the brat - the family was encouraged to point out opportunities to punish me. My brother (2 years older) was very physically abusive to me. Left "in charge" of...
    bellybelle bellybelle
    5 Responses Dec 3, 2012

    "Go Away Or Kill Yourself."

    I'm an 18 year old, refused for diagnosis migraine patient. My parents disowned me, and unregistered me from the home. I'm basically homeless now. And I'll likely will do as my parents asked. I'm not their son anymore probably because of these reasons. - My School, who...
    SeaDragonST SeaDragonST
    18-21, M
    3 Responses Feb 15, 2013

    The Wanted Child.

    Yes, actually wanted with a capital W. (btw, English is not my native language, so forgive me for any mistakes you might find). So nearly 20 years ago I was born. Not because my parents wanted a lovely baby girls, no. The thing is, a had an older brother. No, that sounds wrong...
    Solomeya Solomeya
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jun 17, 2013

    Tired Of Feeling This Way

    I'm not sure where to begin or in which group to post this. I am here and writing this because for the past year and a half I have been unhappy with almost every close and important relationship in my life (except of course the one I have with my amazing and precious baby). I...
    littledoritt13 littledoritt13
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Jan 27, 2013

    My son told me I can no longer see my grands

    and is no longer in our life. A year goes by no contact we are excluded from birthdays and holidays. Our daughter was just arrested and is sending me nasty texts saying I abused her stole from her and now will pay the consequences. We were a regular family no drugs no abuse...
    absoph absoph
    51-55, F
    1 Response Jan 22, 2015

    Vilify The Scapegoat

    Sometimes we think we are the only ones... that it only happens to us.   That we are the only ones accused, abused, torn apart.   But we are not alone - we are legion.   Just look at the history of the scapegoat.  From ancient times an animal...
    claraindigo claraindigo
    20 Responses Jun 16, 2010

    Hello my fellow scapegoats,

    I want to tell my story to kind of release myself from my past. I have told different parts of it many times to my husband, and a friend, but I seem to need to talk about it more and more and I cannot keep on disturbing them with it. The injustice done to me is so grave (well, I...
    nomoremssnice nomoremssnice
    36-40, F
    Sep 4, 2014

    A Question For Scapegoats.

    How many of you would describe the people in your families who scapegoat you as being racist,  prejudiced or discriminatory? I would have a hard time believing that the conduct they engage in at home never carries off into society. If they band together to pick on one member of...
    nplnsolo nplnsolo
    36-40, M
    7 Responses May 27, 2011

    So Utterly, Utterly Unfair and Hopeless

    Being the scapegoat in my family couldn't be clearer or more obvious,and yet it has taken me nearly 40 years to realize, and I still doubt it sometimes--because of them and their almost unanimous chorus of dismissals when I broach the subject. I'm the middle child--one older...
    evanrude evanrude
    36-40, M
    10 Responses Oct 2, 2009

    I Am My Families Scapegoat.

    I'm not exactly sure when it started but i have been the designated scapegoat in my family for at least 20 years. Do ALL families have scapegoats? Or is it just the millions of dysfunctional families that have this dynamic. It can be difficult at times when you realize no matter...
    AlwaysRemembers AlwaysRemembers
    41-45, F
    44 Responses May 25, 2007

    Find Your Seed

    Golden long hair and blue eyes were the features of my older sister. My mother loved them and often told people of her child's beauty. I had hazel eyes and brown thick curly hair. My mother seem to find me ugly. She would often tell people she didn't know how I would "turn out...
    melong melong
    36-40, F
    5 Responses Feb 19, 2011

    I have just recently discovered the many years

    of torment I have experienced was because of the behavior of my narcissistic mother and sister. Yes, I have now realized , I am the family scapegoat. My only fear now is how much damage have I done on my relationship with my husband and grown children.Starting therapy next week...
    Lynchbay4 Lynchbay4
    4 Responses Jan 17, 2014

    It took me a long time to realize what role I

    played in my dysfunctional family. Both my parents are narcs and each of them chose their own "golden child" and "scapegoat" so my childhood was not only consumed by chaos it was also very confusing. My oldest brother was adopted and my mother treats him as though his is...
    amazingyou amazingyou
    36-40, F
    1 Response Jan 18, 2014

    Endless Cycle Of Abuse

    They say a child first develops their outlook on the world and sense of self primarily through interactions within the family dynamics. An essential and significant role for a healthy and positive personal identity for a young child is to have a sense of security, sense of...
    Moonjava Moonjava
    31-35, F
    6 Responses Oct 7, 2011

    My brother did it? My fault.

    My mom did something? Can't believe you're owning up to it. My sister or other brother did it? It was me, and if it wasn't, it was somehow my fault. I love having this role. I only get negative attention, which is very constructive. Amazing childhood 10/10 would recommend.
    Anonliljokergirl Anonliljokergirl
    18-21, F
    3 Responses May 30, 2014

    I Feel Depressed and Anxious

    My family treats me like ****, specially my mother, but they all sing the same song. I feel desperate and lonely. She manipulates aunt and grandparents, and somehow they all behave the same distorted way and blame me or simply don't even listen to me. I am very isolated now...
    havana25 havana25
    5 Responses Nov 23, 2008

    Am I A Scapegoat?

        I hate that I can’t tell if everything is all just in my head and I am just crazy....or if I have been sabotaged all of my life by being Scapegoated.  I am the second daughter between an older son and younger daughter to two teenage parents. ...
    middleone middleone
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Apr 9, 2010

    Just Two Words

    When I was young, only about five years old, my parents divorced and little family of just mom and my older brother had to move in with my aunt, my aunt's daughter and my grandmother. From the moment we did however I was put in charge. Both my mother and aunt were single parents...
    JeTaimeMaCherie18 JeTaimeMaCherie18
    18-21, F
    Mar 29, 2013

    I Must Look Funny

    because I don't understand. People try to treat me like **** more so than others. I've taken so many personality tests honestly and they say I am a normal healthy albeit paranoid person. The psychologist who administered the test said I was not paranoid. My life is just one that...
    JasmineSalt JasmineSalt
    18-21, F
    1 Response Dec 24, 2011

    Man Of The House

    My parents divorced when I was five. I decided that since my father was gone, we would need a new "man of the house". Since there wasn't one, I would just have to become that person myself. The fact that I was a kindergartner - or a girl - really didn't register to me. I was...
    evenme evenme
    31-35, F
    Apr 1, 2013

    My children's father went out of their lives

    when he remarried and had another family. They were 8, 5 and 4 at the time. They are now adults. My youngest son has always blamed me for everything and I have not seen him for 26 years. I did meet his wife and their two sons because she wanted contact. My son soon put a...
    dozybean dozybean
    4 Responses Aug 4, 2014

    I have just become estranged from my parents

    and only sister. I feel devastated, angry but also relieved. I'm so sick of not being good enough and being bullied by them. It's exhausting. I'm so emotional and fed up and tired of life.
    mrsteece mrsteece
    41-45, F
    2 Responses May 30, 2014

    I've Been Where I'm Going

    There is no need to go into a deep monologue regarding why I decided to cut off all family ties. Only that I have. I know it means that I wasted years of money, time,effort I poured into their wants, needs with no appreciation of my sacrifice. I wanted them to treat me well...
    1flewovercuckoonest 1flewovercuckoonest
    3 Responses Nov 5, 2013

    Scapegoating Observation

     I have been the family scapegoat of years. I suffer from depression.  that aside, I've noticed something strange. my friends and family can't stand for me to be "not depressed". If I am happy about some idea I have or something I can do to improve my life...
    drbonedaddy drbonedaddy
    16 Responses Nov 2, 2008

    It Always Stays The Same...

    I, like the others in this group, have been the scapegoat of my family.  After reading all of the stories on here, I was shocked to see that there are other people in the world like me.My role as the scapegoat stems from my mother.  She has never been nice to me.  In my young...
    EmilyP25 EmilyP25
    10 Responses May 24, 2011


    baydog2 baydog2
    61-65, F
    3 Responses May 28, 2012

    Not Easy to Escape the Scapegoating Nightmare

    Hi there fellow Scapegoatees, all I can say is I'm herein' ya! I think my scapegoating started when I became depressed at age 18, I'm now 35 and probably stuggling more now than then, because I've only just started dealing with lots of stuff, including my family history...
    lennie1 lennie1
    29 Responses Nov 2, 2008

    Just Figured It Out!

    I am a sobbing wreck.  After an entire lifetime of making horrible choices and bad decisions I am just now coming to the realization of why.  I am my family’s scapegoat.  I just figured it out on my own reading several books on personality disorder...
    MamaAnna MamaAnna
    56-60, F
    2 Responses Feb 15, 2010

    They Always Blame Me!

    For many years I have been the one who my family blames.  No matter what I do, I seem to be wrong and I'm excluded from family gatherings (Christmases, weddings and other get-togethers).  However, some of my family still use me for hospitality when it suits them!I have tried so...
    SFlyte SFlyte
    9 Responses Apr 24, 2011

    wow I only just found out about all this stuff

    - it finally explained so much about who I am and how I am. From everything I have read recently it reads like a textbook case that my mother is narcissistic There are 4 siblings and I realised for a long time that my mother was kind of detached from me and ambivalent - yet a...
    ignoredeldest ignoredeldest
    41-45, F
    1 Response Feb 1, 2014

    Refusing To Be A Victim

    It all started when I was merely a tot and it's taken until the age of 31 to understand the sad reality of being the "famous" family scapegoat.  Having read others post there feelings and experiences has compelled me to share my story in the hopes that it may help someone...
    wanting2bheard wanting2bheard
    31-35, F
    1 Response Jun 6, 2010

    My brother tried to abuse me

    when I was ten ( he is five years older) I told him where to go and luckily he kept away but at the time ( had he had his way) it could have been ******. I live for years without telling anyone and then when I finally told my mum, she had a go at my brother but then that was it...
    GardenFaery GardenFaery
    Dec 17, 2013

    60 And Still Learning.

    Just did some reading and learned about the concept of 'family scapegoat'. As children my older sister was always Dad's favorite. My younger brother was Mom's favorite. Therefore, whenever something happened the first question asked was 'Where's Steve?' There was even a family...
    Steven1952 Steven1952
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Fooled Again

    I worked for my brother, did a good job always on time and he plotted and dumped me in the street. Long story but he allowed me to store furniture in the building he owned because my house sold so fast I had nowhere to go and had a crazy ex husband after me. I got permission etc...
    lambeaux lambeaux
    51-55, F
    2 Responses Aug 28, 2013
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