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I Am the Family Scapegoat

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 544 People

    I have just become estranged from my parents

    and only sister. I feel devastated, angry but also relieved. I'm so sick of not being good enough and being bullied by them. It's exhausting. I'm so emotional and fed up and tired of life.
    mrsteece mrsteece 36-40, F 2 Responses May 30

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    On The Path To Enlightenment And Freedom!

    I am 33yrs. old and just began therapy about a year and a half ago. I have always felt like I did not belong in my family. I thought it was because of some major defect or because I wasn't as good as everyone else. When I would be honest about these feelings with them, they...
    mamamma1971 mamamma1971 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 12, 2013

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    Can a Parent Be the Scapegoat?

    It has taken me decades to realise what has happened to me. I write my story in the hope that others will see in it their own situation and reach an awareness  that will save them some of the heartbreak I have suffered, especially in the last three...
    Bantry Bantry 56-60 9 Responses Sep 27, 2009

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    Scapegoat Hell

    I was born the youngest of two children, both female, to two alcoholic parents.  My mother died from alcoholism at age 50 and my father died at 62.  My older sister is almost five years older than I am, and she has made my life a living hell for as long as I can remember...
    Lucinda43 Lucinda43 61-65, F 4 Responses Jul 4, 2010

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    I finally divorced myself mentally

    and severed contact. They are dead to me now. Very likely, I won't even be at my parents funerals. It was far more confusing and damaging for me than for many, because the situation with my parents is that they actually loved their kids, at least somewhere in their hearts, but...
    Ajushi Ajushi 31-35, M 2 Responses Jun 28

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    I have just recently discovered the many years

    of torment I have experienced was because of the behavior of my narcissistic mother and sister. Yes, I have now realized , I am the family scapegoat. My only fear now is how much damage have I done on my relationship with my husband and grown children.Starting therapy next week...
    Lynchbay4 Lynchbay4 51-55 2 Responses Jan 17

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    Endless Cycle Of Abuse

    They say a child first develops their outlook on the world and sense of self primarily through interactions within the family dynamics. An essential and significant role for a healthy and positive personal identity for a young child is to have a sense of security, sense of...
    Moonjava Moonjava 26-30, F 7 Responses Oct 7, 2011

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    The Old "scapegoat" Copout

    here is a scapegoat in every family. Unfortunately at times this was my role in the family. To be honest, I really didn't mind it because I was protecting my three younger sisters. I was stronger,, tougher than they were and so it was ok to take the blame all the time. Later...
    2 Responses Jan 18, 2013

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    Am I A Scapegoat?

        I hate that I can’t tell if everything is all just in my head and I am just crazy....or if I have been sabotaged all of my life by being Scapegoated.  I am the second daughter between an older son and younger daughter to two teenage parents. ...
    middleone middleone 41-45, F 2 Responses Apr 9, 2010

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    Christmas Scapegoat

    Well here it is again, another holiday as the family scapegoat.  No matter my mood, I know this for sure, I will be ignored. Christmas, and all holidays, have been a living hell for me. thanks to my mom, who is a cleaning FREAK and thinks I'm the one who should make...
    crazynotcrazy crazynotcrazy 31-35, F 2 Responses Dec 25, 2009

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    My Past Affects My Social Skills.

    I am  42 year old, the 3rd child of 4. I was born and raised in France. My dad is French and mother from Central America, raised in San Francisco. My dad took my mom back to France after having my 2 brothers born in the States. My mother suffered depression my entire childhood...
    lytimi lytimi 41-45 2 Responses May 8, 2011

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    Tired Of Feeling This Way

    I'm not sure where to begin or in which group to post this. I am here and writing this because for the past year and a half I have been unhappy with almost every close and important relationship in my life (except of course the one I have with my amazing and precious baby). I...
    littledoritt13 littledoritt13 31-35, F 2 Responses Jan 27, 2013

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    I'm at the point where I don't know

    if it's better to cut all ties or try to make it work. I feel so alone. My family hates me and blames me for everything. I can't survive on my own but the abuse is torture.
    username2443 username2443 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 10

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    So Utterly, Utterly Unfair and Hopeless

    Being the scapegoat in my family couldn't be clearer or more obvious,and yet it has taken me nearly 40 years to realize, and I still doubt it sometimes--because of them and their almost unanimous chorus of dismissals when I broach the subject. I'm the middle child--one older...
    evanrude evanrude 36-40, M 11 Responses Oct 2, 2009

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    Philosophical Detachment

    I have been scapegoated in so many different types of situations and circumstances that I've been able to develop a high degree of detachment to the process and the actions of others. This is also unfortunate because life at such times feels more like a play that is being...
    nplnsolo nplnsolo 36-40, M 8 Responses Mar 11, 2011

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    It Always Stays The Same...

    I, like the others in this group, have been the scapegoat of my family.  After reading all of the stories on here, I was shocked to see that there are other people in the world like me.My role as the scapegoat stems from my mother.  She has never been nice to me.  In my young...
    EmilyP25 EmilyP25 31-35 11 Responses May 24, 2011

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    Fooled Again

    I worked for my brother, did a good job always on time and he plotted and dumped me in the street. Long story but he allowed me to store furniture in the building he owned because my house sold so fast I had nowhere to go and had a crazy ex husband after me. I got permission etc...
    lambeaux lambeaux 51-55, F 1 Response Aug 28, 2013

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    Just Figured It Out!

    I am a sobbing wreck.  After an entire lifetime of making horrible choices and bad decisions I am just now coming to the realization of why.  I am my family’s scapegoat.  I just figured it out on my own reading several books on personality disorder...
    MamaAnna MamaAnna 56-60, F 2 Responses Feb 15, 2010

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    They Always Blame Me!

    For many years I have been the one who my family blames.  No matter what I do, I seem to be wrong and I'm excluded from family gatherings (Christmases, weddings and other get-togethers).  However, some of my family still use me for hospitality when it suits them!I have tried so...
    SFlyte SFlyte 61-65 10 Responses Apr 24, 2011

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    "Go Away Or Kill Yourself."

    I'm an 18 year old, refused for diagnosis migraine patient. My parents disowned me, and unregistered me from the home. I'm basically homeless now. And I'll likely will do as my parents asked. I'm not their son anymore probably because of these reasons. - My School, who...
    SeaDragonST SeaDragonST 18-21, M 3 Responses Feb 15, 2013

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    I've Been Where I'm Going

    There is no need to go into a deep monologue regarding why I decided to cut off all family ties. Only that I have. I know it means that I wasted years of money, time,effort I poured into their wants, needs with no appreciation of my sacrifice. I wanted them to treat me well...
    1flewovercuckoonest 1flewovercuckoonest 56-60 2 Responses Nov 5, 2013

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    I Feel Depressed and Anxious

    My family treats me like ****, specially my mother, but they all sing the same song. I feel desperate and lonely. She manipulates aunt and grandparents, and somehow they all behave the same distorted way and blame me or simply don't even listen to me. I am very isolated now...
    havana25 havana25 26-30 6 Responses Nov 23, 2008

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    My children's father went out of their lives

    when he remarried and had another family. They were 8, 5 and 4 at the time. They are now adults. My youngest son has always blamed me for everything and I have not seen him for 26 years. I did meet his wife and their two sons because she wanted contact. My son soon put a...
    dozybean dozybean 70+ 3 Responses Aug 4

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    Just Discovered The Truth I Was/am Family Scapegoat.

    i have been homeless for the last eight months. in April 2012 i was invited by my 24 year old son to move west to live with him learn to garden etc. we did great but the specter of the past reared its ugly head,unfortunately he was using meth and all the old **** came out and...
    mitchiefourtwenty mitchiefourtwenty 41-45 1 Response Jan 4, 2013

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    Hello my fellow scapegoats,

    I want to tell my story to kind of release myself from my past. I have told different parts of it many times to my husband, and a friend, but I seem to need to talk about it more and more and I cannot keep on disturbing them with it. The injustice done to me is so grave (well, I...
    nomoremssnice nomoremssnice 36-40, F 1 Response Sep 4

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    My brother tried to abuse me

    when I was ten ( he is five years older) I told him where to go and luckily he kept away but at the time ( had he had his way) it could have been ******. I live for years without telling anyone and then when I finally told my mum, she had a go at my brother but then that was it...
    GardenFaery GardenFaery 41-45 Dec 17, 2013

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    My brother did it? My fault.

    My mom did something? Can't believe you're owning up to it. My sister or other brother did it? It was me, and if it wasn't, it was somehow my fault. I love having this role. I only get negative attention, which is very constructive. Amazing childhood 10/10 would recommend.
    Anonliljokergirl Anonliljokergirl 16-17, F 3 Responses May 30

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    It took me a long time to realize what role I

    played in my dysfunctional family. Both my parents are narcs and each of them chose their own "golden child" and "scapegoat" so my childhood was not only consumed by chaos it was also very confusing. My oldest brother was adopted and my mother treats him as though his is...
    amazingyou amazingyou 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 18

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    Scapegoat Poem

    My story is very long and drawn out.  But instead of my story,  I will post this poem I wrote.  I think many may be able to relate.  Also hope it encourages you all:  The Scapegoat   I know they made me the scapegoat, and I never had a choice. All the...
    rejectedandfree rejectedandfree 36-40, F 7 Responses May 13, 2011

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    Black Sheep

    My parents are narcissists. I am the Family scapegoat. Psychologically and physically abused. Married twice - both abusive narcissists (actually second husband was a sociopath not narcissist). I cannot begin to describe the life long horror and pain I have experienced at these...
    Azure33 Azure33 31-35, F 7 Responses Jan 29, 2013

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    Bullied

    ALL OF US GOATS,THE STORY IS THE SAME,THE MOTHER ALWAYS STARTS IT AND IT IS SPREAD TO THE DAD,SIBLINGS AND ALL RELATIVES, AND ALWAYS WE ARE INSANE AND WE DID IT,WE DONE EVERY THING-WRONG THAT IS.WHAT IS THIS BULLYING AND BY OUR OWN BLOOD?
    baydog2 baydog2 61-65, F 3 Responses May 28, 2012

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    Refusing To Be A Victim

    It all started when I was merely a tot and it's taken until the age of 31 to understand the sad reality of being the "famous" family scapegoat.  Having read others post there feelings and experiences has compelled me to share my story in the hopes that it may help someone...
    wanting2bheard wanting2bheard 31-35, F 2 Responses Jun 6, 2010

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    Twilight zone Im writing on this support forum

    because my therapist isnt always available. Sadly my therapist is the only person not abusing me emotionally or psychologically in my life. The scapegoating in my family have gotten to a level that is irreparable and now I have to deal with feelings of anger for not knowing...
    bedriddenbeauty bedriddenbeauty 26-30, F 2 Responses May 15

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    My Best Is Never Good Enough.

    I am half Native American. I only mention this because sometimes it feels as though this is a factor when it comes to how my mother and siblings treat me. My mother got pregnant with me and then gave me away to her mother and stepfather. She got married two years later and...
    Arwen2 Arwen2 36-40, F Mar 28, 2013

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    As The Scapegoat, Im Busy Googling How I Can Speak In A Way That Wont Make People Angry

    Growing up, I was the brat and crybaby. We spent a lot of time with extended family, and everyone agreed that I was the brat - the family was encouraged to point out opportunities to punish me. My brother (2 years older) was very physically abusive to me. Left "in charge" of...
    bellybelle bellybelle 36-40 5 Responses Dec 3, 2012

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    A Question For Scapegoats.

    How many of you would describe the people in your families who scapegoat you as being racist,  prejudiced or discriminatory? I would have a hard time believing that the conduct they engage in at home never carries off into society. If they band together to pick on one member of...
    nplnsolo nplnsolo 36-40, M 9 Responses May 27, 2011

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    Vilify The Scapegoat

    Sometimes we think we are the only ones... that it only happens to us.   That we are the only ones accused, abused, torn apart.   But we are not alone - we are legion.   Just look at the history of the scapegoat.  From ancient times an animal...
    claraindigo claraindigo 56-60 22 Responses Jun 16, 2010

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    60 And Still Learning.

    Just did some reading and learned about the concept of 'family scapegoat'. As children my older sister was always Dad's favorite. My younger brother was Mom's favorite. Therefore, whenever something happened the first question asked was 'Where's Steve?' There was even a family...
    Steven1952 Steven1952 61-65, M 3 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Being The Only Girl

    I feel so uncomfortable in my house I'm always getting yelled at for the smallest things my mother treats me as if I am still a teenager it's so frustrating. And when I ask her why she isn't this way with my younger and older brother she responds with they are boys women are...
    mizzthang15 mizzthang15 22-25, F 2 Responses May 13, 2013

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    I Must Look Funny

    because I don't understand. People try to treat me like **** more so than others. I've taken so many personality tests honestly and they say I am a normal healthy albeit paranoid person. The psychologist who administered the test said I was not paranoid. My life is just one that...
    JasmineSalt JasmineSalt 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 24, 2011

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    I used to believe at 13

    or so that if I just behaved perfectly my parents would be nice to me. It didn't occur to me that this was not realistic, my parents weren't out to get me after all. It was all my fault. Then one day I realized, it actually wasn't. A few examples of my family scapegoating me...
    amy7777777 amy7777777 22-25, F 3 Responses May 30

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    Scapegoating Observation

     I have been the family scapegoat of years. I suffer from depression.  that aside, I've noticed something strange. my friends and family can't stand for me to be "not depressed". If I am happy about some idea I have or something I can do to improve my life...
    drbonedaddy drbonedaddy 51-55 20 Responses Nov 2, 2008

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    Woke Up And Smelled The Coffee!

    Yup, it is all too true.  Despite a 6 figure income and complete loyality to my family of orgin, I am the family failure! Oh please.Anyway, I have gotten off the tread mill of being made fun of all the time, having my accomplishments turned to nothing, and being falsely acused...
    Justmegettingwell Justmegettingwell 51-55 7 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    The Fog Has Lifted

    From out of the fog, I finally realize I am a scapegoat. I don't even know quite where to start, but here goes. Honestly, I think it probably started with my very existence. My mother was a young mother, she had me at 19 due to a quickie marriage and quickie divorce. I must...
    paralleluniverse paralleluniverse 31-35, F 4 Responses Feb 24, 2011

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    My Turn

    I'm the oldest of two and I feel as though I'm the mom. My mom acts like I'm suppose to be responsible for everything and she and my brother don't have to do anything! When something goes wrong its always my fault or why didn't I do this or that ...I have my issues which are...
    AsAlwaysAlone AsAlwaysAlone 31-35, F 1 Response Feb 20, 2013

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    Just Two Words

    When I was young, only about five years old, my parents divorced and little family of just mom and my older brother had to move in with my aunt, my aunt's daughter and my grandmother. From the moment we did however I was put in charge. Both my mother and aunt were single parents...
    JeTaimeMaCherie18 JeTaimeMaCherie18 18-21, F Mar 29, 2013

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    Finally Getting Better

    I was recently laid off from a terrible job. My co-workers had bullied the previous four people in my position and it was truly terrible to be at the receiving end of their abuse. Screaming and backstabbing. I had three months from the time that I received the news of my layoff...
    TriciaAnne TriciaAnne 56-60 Nov 2, 2013

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    I Can Do Nothing Right In My Family

    I hate feeling afraid or anxious all the time. I am the family scapegoat but also the peace-keeper. I am the daughter of an alcoholic mother and even though I am an adult I am still not over the **** I went through as a child. My mother repeatedly put me down for being overweight...
    scapegoat scapegoat 36-40 9 Responses May 8, 2008

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    The Wanted Child.

    Yes, actually wanted with a capital W. (btw, English is not my native language, so forgive me for any mistakes you might find). So nearly 20 years ago I was born. Not because my parents wanted a lovely baby girls, no. The thing is, a had an older brother. No, that sounds wrong...
    Solomeya Solomeya 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 17, 2013

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    wow I only just found out about all this stuff

    - it finally explained so much about who I am and how I am. From everything I have read recently it reads like a textbook case that my mother is narcissistic There are 4 siblings and I realised for a long time that my mother was kind of detached from me and ambivalent - yet a...
    ignoredeldest ignoredeldest 41-45, F 1 Response Feb 1

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    I Have Resigned From That Position

    Wow. What a relief to see all the stories in this group. Misery does love company ... lol. Not really. It is nice to know I'm not the only one who has been through this experience. I have a large extended family. I've written my tales of woe & despair too many times...
    SeriouslySappy SeriouslySappy 51-55, F 5 Responses Oct 27, 2011

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    As with the others Ive read .

    . . very very grateful to find this site . . . At age 68 it's just now becoming clear to me that I've spent my life as the family Scapegoat. I was a 'teenage rebel' and did all the things I wasnt supposed to do . . . acting out I guess . . . and then ran away at age 18...
    diane321 diane321 66-70, F 2 Responses Mar 11

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    I Am My Families Scapegoat.

    I'm not exactly sure when it started but i have been the designated scapegoat in my family for at least 20 years. Do ALL families have scapegoats? Or is it just the millions of dysfunctional families that have this dynamic. It can be difficult at times when you realize no matter...
    AlwaysRemembers AlwaysRemembers 41-45, F 45 Responses May 25, 2007

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