I Am Unhappy In My Marriage Forum & Chat Board | I just don't know what to do

I posted this as a story as well, but didnt get much response.  I am new here so i'm not really sure how this all works...

It is refreshing to hear that I am not the only one going through this. As I read over some of your other stories and realize how similar they are to mine, I am kind of at ease that it is not just me, there's not just something horribly wrong with me, but that these kind of things happen. I, too, got married young, my husband was my best friend and i love him but i don't know if i was ever really 'in love' with him. like what other people have said, i often have thought of just running and never looking back but i have two young children and i am afraid of what it will do to them. my hubby and i have talked about this, and i feel like i have done what i can and there are times that things seem ok for a while but then they just slide right back down. I have the added element of deep regret of a past 'potential' love that was never saught out but those feelings are ever constant on my mind. I'm not the type of person to cheat but i feel like my heart has never fully belonged to my husband at all. How long am i supposed to 'stick it out' to make this marriage work before it is just useless efforts? my husband doesnt want me to leave, but really how unfair is it to him for me to stay? or is that just a lie i'm telling myself to give fire to the 'leaving' arguement...

I also feel like it is selfish of me to put my happiness over my kids', but at the same time realize that if i am in an unhappy marriage, how can that be a good atmosphere for my children to grow up in? Kids don't need to have two parents living together to grow up to be good people. They may be mad/resentful for a while, but eventually can learn to forgive the parent that left and move on. I think it is easier for them to accept if they are younger when it happens.
I am a christian who doesnt believe in simple divorce, but I also don't think it's black and white. I hear people saying that I made a commitment and now i have to live with that, but I just really don't think it's that simple. I know several people who are divorced, some where OK'd by pastors.
I love getting time away from my kids. I know that is one of the worst things to say as a parent. I love them, but i just really enjoy time without them. If I were to leave, because of the situation, my husband would have majority custody... but would I be ok with that? would they?
I just keep thinking of the little things i do around the house as a stay-at-home mom, it's not a lot cuz i have medical issues, but just the extra things my husband would have to pick up doing if I were gone and it's not fair to put that all on him, but is that a reason to stay in a marriage if i'm not in love?

Any responses greatly appreciated.

 

It is extremely refreshing to hear that others have the same feelings. 

Mine are also like yours.  I do love my husband but I still have the feeling that I haven't lived MY life to it's potential.  We do not have any children.  He wants them, and I don't, and I made him aware of this 6 years ago when we first started dating.  I originally never wanted to get married but getting caught up in the excitement of it, I thought that's what I wanted.  

Now I'm having feels of regret, for not doing things that I wanted to do.  Resentment, for putting my education on hold so he could further his and his career.  And restlessness, thinking that this is the end of the road.  I will be doing the same things, day in and day out for the rest of my life.  

I have also tried to talk to him about these feelings.  He chalks it up to S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) Thinking that once the weather warms I'll feel better.  He is a great guy and has never treated me poorly I just feel like I am stuck in rut.  I also worry about the things that he would have to take care of it I left.  He's never balanced a check book, I'm not sure if he's even ever written a check.  His mother used to pay all his bills for him, and when we moved in together, I took over.  I also worry about him being able to afford the bills without my income.  He's not exactly financially responsible.  And what would he eat?  He doesn't cook, but the occasional pasta or sloppy joe.  

I know leaving would absolutely tear him apart.  I know that he loves me. But is it fair to him for me to stick around, lying, when I don't have any passion for him. Doesn't he deserve better? Someone that truly and whole heartedly does love him and is in love with him.  And I know it sounds selfish, but is it fair to me to be unhappy and just deal with it.

 

I find myself in a similar situation. I'm married with two children.
My wife and I had a fast track relationship after a drunken night four months in.
Pregnant with our first child I did what I thought the right thing.
Now nine years later we both seem to be unhappy living separate lives in the same home.
I know that you should work on a relationship but what do you do when your feed up with trying. Feed up with the rows. Feed up with sitting at opposite sides of the room. With each day that goes by I work more hours in the hope I spend less time with my wife. I always feel like I'm in a rut. Is it me or what. Let me know how you managed to get though this.

 

I thought staying with my husband was right for the kids.  I don't know your financial status but if you can leave, i would do it.  After 22 years of marriage, my kids could see that we were not a loving couple.  Now, my kids are older and it has affected them.  They are not bad kids but there was lessons they did not learn from my relationship with my husband.  my daughter is not emotionally secure and that might have a lot to do with me.  I was financially able to leave but I want to give my children a secure life.  I managed to spoil them and that's about it.  If I could of saw the future, i would of left him a long time ago.  Staying in a unhappy marriage hurts the kids.  There is more to teach kids than money and getting the things they want from it.  They have to be taught and see with their own eyes, a loving relationship.  this does affect the children.