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I Amuse Myself

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 371 People

    The Minute Clinic

    One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him: "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 27, 2011

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    Got Chya Talking...

    One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him: "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 27, 2011

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    Viewer Discretion Is Advised...

    There was this newly wed couple that was just married and the bride was home naked waiting for her husband to get home. Well, the mother-in-law decided to stop by and seen the young bride naked and asked what she was doing. And she said: "This is my love dress." The young girl...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 26, 2011

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    Whe You Live...

    in the country in fair seclusion...you have to learn to amuse yourself..
    txwoman2 txwoman2 36-40, F Feb 13, 2010

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    Thinking It Works A Little Too Well....

    An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance," says Mrs.. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache." "No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Feb 25, 2011

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    My A$$

    A 50-year-old lady is standing in front of a mirror, looking at herself. Her husband walks in and says: "What are you doing?" She says: "My doctor told me I had the breast of a 20-year-old. He said: "Well, what did he say about your 50-year-old butt?" "Well, he didn't ask about...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F 4 Responses Feb 25, 2011

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    What Do I Look Like???

    A woman was nagging her husband that he needs to cut the grass, the husband answer was: "What do I look like to you? A landscaper?" Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again: "Honey, can you fix the faucet? The husband replied: "What do I look like to you? A Plumber...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 13, 2011

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    Oh Boy...

    A man receives a phone call from his doctor. The doctor says: "I have some good news and some bad news." The man says: "OK, give me the good news first." The doctor says: "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live." The man replies: "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Feb 24, 2011

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    Realtors And Speeding Tickets...

    A Realtor, driving his buyers around looking at houses, is suddenly pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the Realtor’s car door, and the Realtor says "Is there a problem officer?" The policeman says, "Sir you were speeding. Can I see your driver’s license...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Feb 24, 2011

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    Oh Ya...that...

    A blonde just totaled her car in a horrific accident. The cop asks her: "What happened?" "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" replies the blonde. "I was driving down the road when all of a sudden this tree pops out of nowhere. So I swerved to the left and out pops another tree...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Mar 3, 2011

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    Untilted

    i laugh sometimes when know one else is...ill think of something inside of my head and it will be really funny...ill laugh for ever about it. but i cant tell anyone else about it because they dont find it to funny! not like i do!
    noodlehead noodlehead 16-17, F Dec 11, 2008

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    I'm a funny ****** or at least I think so.

    I'm always cracking myself up. Have you ever told someone there going to take it in the *** with a zucchini? Well I have and I find it amusing. Earlier today at the store this lady said some guy told her woman all have big boob and an attitude. She said she got screwed. I told...
    holehearted79 holehearted79 31-35, F 1 Response Dec 10, 2013

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    I Just Look In the Mirror and Laugh

     That's all it takes for me to start the day on a happy note.  It helps that I'm funny, but looks aren't everything now are they?
    dorobo dorobo 70+, M 2 Responses Dec 17, 2008

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    I Know ...

    I know it sounds conceited but I've never met anyone who can make me laugh harder than I make myself laugh. Sometimes I'm the only one who gets my jokes but I find them hilarious!!!
    missing missing 21-25, F 2 Responses May 11, 2008

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    Sure Do!

    i am the most ridiculous person i know. so incredibly proud of the fact that i'm finally able to laugh at myself. i find humor in just about everything i do.it helps that i'm slight clumsy and say crazy things allll the time. it's my weapon. (even when no one else is laughing...
    gypsysoul gypsysoul 22-25, F Jan 5, 2009

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    Amusing to Me

    People say that I have a strange personality because of the fact that I can easily amuse myself.  I don't really see a problem in that at all.  Here's how I see it, if you can't amuse yourself how in the world can you amuse anyone else?  I'm the type of person who...
    dragon143 dragon143 18-21, F Jan 8, 2009

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    Funny to Me Thats All That Matters

    I amuse my self alot. Random thoughts can make me laugh but come on thats most people so i dont like when people stare at me for laughing. I think that if you dont amuse yourself then life would be boring and ur just weird.
    InnerVoices InnerVoices 16-17, M 3 Responses Mar 2, 2009

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    Amusing Myself ...

    I have to admit i probably amuse myself more than anyone else can amuse me lol. Sometimes i write stupid comments to peoples abusive words with a kiss and such kindness that they don't know what to say or do about it ... maybe it frustrates them a tad more but i am here giggling...
    deadinsideout deadinsideout 26-30, F Jul 30, 2013

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    It's One of the Reasons I'm Here

    sometimes I can be rather entertaining. I'm witty, mildly talented as a triple threat (sing, dance, act). I have fun with myself - it's a good thing.
    RavenLee RavenLee 46-50, F 2 Responses Sep 2, 2009

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    Amuse Me

    I'm more of a serious girl.  At times, I also can be funny.  I will say something and I will laugh at my own joke so to speak. haha.
    Whateverrrrr Whateverrrrr 36-40, F 1 Response Aug 10, 2011

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    If I was an orangatan,

    I would put on a face like this all the time. :D
    deleted deleted 26-30 Aug 19

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    I Don't Know If I Amuse Myself More...

    I don't know if I amuse myself more than other people do but i do know that I find more things amusing than most people do... I see something and it cracks me up and other people around me don't see the humor in it... it could something small like a pen laying oddly that looks...
    phidget phidget 31-35, F 1 Response May 12, 2008

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    This Is Just Really Cute!!!

    Never know what an old guy will say. I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes [he's 66]. We decided to get a bite to eat at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in different colors-green, red...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Feb 25, 2011

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    School Vacation Week...

    Okay...so they call it vacation week...let's be realistic here...just because there is no school...doesn't mean there's a vacation time for parents. I have found that everything in my current world is taking 45 minutes to an hour longer than it should. If I have to be at work by...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Feb 23, 2011

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    Sometimes Just By Not Being Amused.

    All this silliness around here and the things that I could waste a breath with amusement.  Instead, I look in the mirror and think an intangible sneer, and then I feel better.
    deleted deleted 26-30 Mar 14, 2009

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    Ohhh... Our Daughters...

    Three blonds talking: "I found cigarettes in my daughters purse. I think she has become a smoker." "I found cocaine in my daughters purse. I think she has become a junkie." "I found condoms in my daughters purse... Oh my God! I think she has become a man!!!"
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Feb 26, 2011

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    All the Time....

    All the time over the stupidest things. I will just burst out laughing and if someone is in the room that I didn't remember being there they just look at me like I'm mad... entertaining me even more!
    GoddessNakiBean GoddessNakiBean 36-40, F 3 Responses Dec 27, 2008

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    O Hai

    I'm glad I'm not the only one. I personally think I am extremely funny, though I haven't met many people who agree. heh The people I do make laugh though make it all worth it...but even more than that, I make myself laugh EVERY day and I am not diagnosed as insane so I'm...
    soulshadow soulshadow 36-40, F 2 Responses Apr 10, 2010

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    Well...would Ya?

    A man and his wife are driving home from a friends funeral, contemplating their own mortality. After a few minutes the woman asks her husband, "if I died would you remarry?" Knowing that no matter what, his answer will be wrong, he tells her that, "because we have three small...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F 1 Response Mar 7, 2011

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    Related Experiences

    I am not amused .I just feel sad.I listen to people who are angry,sometimes violent,or sad.I don't get many who hear me or have a good conversation with me.Yesterday I did have a...
    restored87 restored87 46-50, F 3 Responses Dec 17

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    I've become so warped cynical and bitter... I'm not outwardly bitter not without good reason anyway I can't stand it I used to be so bright so colorful now it just seems im...
    Kitten2514 Kitten2514 22-25, F 4 hrs ago

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    Well I used too I found I made an absolute fool of myself by overthinking I thought Something was wrong when in fact it was good all along I'm an idiot but your idiot!
    RonSims RonSims 31-35, M 1 Response 11 hrs ago

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    This is me. I want to eat myself to immobility. I want to be held in my bed as a prisoner of my own fat. I would enjoy the journey of reaching that lifestyle as I slowly become...
    AspiringSSBHM AspiringSSBHM 18-21, M 1 Response 8 hrs ago

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    i was awoken today by my recent ex patents informing me that my beautiful amazing love killed herself last night claiming even after i finally let her go there was to much damage...
    itsalwaysme80 itsalwaysme80 31-35, M 3 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Oh gosh I find myself always saying "it's a secret" to people .__.
    PsychologyNerd PsychologyNerd 13-15, F 6 hrs ago

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    I'm on a road trip right now with my family and Im in the back seat by myself. Send me some hot stories and help me out?
    ShyButNaughtyGirl ShyButNaughtyGirl 18-21, F 1 hr ago

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    As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”. As...
    nivanvc nivanvc 36-40, M 1 Response Dec 9

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    Every time I make any kind of mistake- even just getting a bad grade on a test or saying something stupid- I feel like I deserve to be punished for it by hurting myself. I cut my...
    kaleidoscopic21 kaleidoscopic21 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 17

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    I get those days when I hate myself so much. I've always had the self destruction feeling in my mind but I try to ignore it. Some days it's really hard and I have a strong urge to...
    ponycupcake ponycupcake 18-21, F 4 Responses Nov 30

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    I hate myself..People always take avantaged from me. I know it but i don't know how to deny. I care their poeple feeling too much but they don't care my feeling. I cannot really...
    chombongkoch chombongkoch 31-35, F Dec 2

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    Almost?? I NEVER put myself first. you need me to drive you half way across the country? Sure!! I can't drive but ill be happy to carry you. the ex wants to talk? sure! Im suicidal...
    wishingforrecovery wishingforrecovery 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 8

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    So i asked a question earlier about whether or not i should go out to hang with friends. ive been at home since im sort of overwhelemed at the moment and having a hard time...
    spreadyourwings spreadyourwings 22-25, F 3 Responses Dec 17

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    I'm a little worried.... I used to cut myself when I was around 18 or so , I accidentally cut myself and I liked the feeling. I began cutting because I liked the feeling and was...
    Honee86 Honee86 26-30, F Dec 18

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    So I thought I should tell u guys all the things I have been threw in life this is hard for me telling u guys but bare with me so I was born on the 7 jan 1996 so as I got older and...
    Scarsdontfade Scarsdontfade 18-21, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    I have to say my kids have to be the best in the world I really did a great job as a mom and dad to them now they have their own kids and they are doing a great job with them both...
    monica0215 monica0215 51-55, F 2 days ago

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    Today I received a letter from my dad who has been incarcerated since April. This is the first letter he has sent me. I have not seen him due to circumstances in the family that...
    Aml4 Aml4 22-25, F 3 Responses Nov 28

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    I'm currently trying to starve myself and work out. I don't know why but I feel like I do that I'll feel better in myself.. I hate myself so much. If I had the opportunity to kill...
    oxoxJillianxoxo oxoxJillianxoxo 13-15, F 3 Responses Nov 30

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    I have sealed myself into a safe little box over the years. I am rediscovering myself now and branching out. I have blamed my husband for being controlling, but have realized that...
    NWBiggirl420 NWBiggirl420 36-40, F 4 Responses Dec 3

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