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I Amuse Myself

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 370 People

    What Do I Look Like???

    A woman was nagging her husband that he needs to cut the grass, the husband answer was: "What do I look like to you? A landscaper?" Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again: "Honey, can you fix the faucet? The husband replied: "What do I look like to you? A Plumber...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F 3 Responses Mar 13, 2011

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    My A$$

    A 50-year-old lady is standing in front of a mirror, looking at herself. Her husband walks in and says: "What are you doing?" She says: "My doctor told me I had the breast of a 20-year-old. He said: "Well, what did he say about your 50-year-old butt?" "Well, he didn't ask about...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F 4 Responses Feb 25, 2011

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    All the Time....

    All the time over the stupidest things. I will just burst out laughing and if someone is in the room that I didn't remember being there they just look at me like I'm mad... entertaining me even more!
    GoddessNakiBean GoddessNakiBean 36-40, F 3 Responses Dec 27, 2008

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    If I was an orangatan,

    I would put on a face like this all the time. :D
    deleted deleted 26-30 Aug 19, 2014

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    Untilted

    i laugh sometimes when know one else is...ill think of something inside of my head and it will be really funny...ill laugh for ever about it. but i cant tell anyone else about it because they dont find it to funny! not like i do!
    noodlehead noodlehead 16-17, F Dec 11, 2008

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    Oh Ya...that...

    A blonde just totaled her car in a horrific accident. The cop asks her: "What happened?" "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" replies the blonde. "I was driving down the road when all of a sudden this tree pops out of nowhere. So I swerved to the left and out pops another tree...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Mar 3, 2011

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    Oh Boy...

    A man receives a phone call from his doctor. The doctor says: "I have some good news and some bad news." The man says: "OK, give me the good news first." The doctor says: "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live." The man replies: "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Feb 24, 2011

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    Amusing to Me

    People say that I have a strange personality because of the fact that I can easily amuse myself.  I don't really see a problem in that at all.  Here's how I see it, if you can't amuse yourself how in the world can you amuse anyone else?  I'm the type of person who...
    dragon143 dragon143 18-21, F Jan 8, 2009

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    This Is Just Really Cute!!!

    Never know what an old guy will say. I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes [he's 66]. We decided to get a bite to eat at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in different colors-green, red...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Feb 25, 2011

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    Got Chya Talking...

    One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him: "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 27, 2011

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    I Don't Know If I Amuse Myself More...

    I don't know if I amuse myself more than other people do but i do know that I find more things amusing than most people do... I see something and it cracks me up and other people around me don't see the humor in it... it could something small like a pen laying oddly that looks...
    phidget phidget 31-35, F 1 Response May 12, 2008

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    Sometimes Just By Not Being Amused.

    All this silliness around here and the things that I could waste a breath with amusement.  Instead, I look in the mirror and think an intangible sneer, and then I feel better.
    deleted deleted 26-30 Mar 14, 2009

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    Amusing Myself ...

    I have to admit i probably amuse myself more than anyone else can amuse me lol. Sometimes i write stupid comments to peoples abusive words with a kiss and such kindness that they don't know what to say or do about it ... maybe it frustrates them a tad more but i am here giggling...
    deadinsideout deadinsideout 26-30, F Jul 30, 2013

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    Funny to Me Thats All That Matters

    I amuse my self alot. Random thoughts can make me laugh but come on thats most people so i dont like when people stare at me for laughing. I think that if you dont amuse yourself then life would be boring and ur just weird.
    InnerVoices InnerVoices 16-17, M 3 Responses Mar 2, 2009

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    Well...would Ya?

    A man and his wife are driving home from a friends funeral, contemplating their own mortality. After a few minutes the woman asks her husband, "if I died would you remarry?" Knowing that no matter what, his answer will be wrong, he tells her that, "because we have three small...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F 1 Response Mar 7, 2011

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    The Minute Clinic

    One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him: "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 27, 2011

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    Sure Do!

    i am the most ridiculous person i know. so incredibly proud of the fact that i'm finally able to laugh at myself. i find humor in just about everything i do.it helps that i'm slight clumsy and say crazy things allll the time. it's my weapon. (even when no one else is laughing...
    gypsysoul gypsysoul 22-25, F Jan 5, 2009

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    Amuse Me

    I'm more of a serious girl.  At times, I also can be funny.  I will say something and I will laugh at my own joke so to speak. haha.
    Whateverrrrr Whateverrrrr 36-40, F 1 Response Aug 10, 2011

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    I Know ...

    I know it sounds conceited but I've never met anyone who can make me laugh harder than I make myself laugh. Sometimes I'm the only one who gets my jokes but I find them hilarious!!!
    missing missing 21-25, F 2 Responses May 11, 2008

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    It's One of the Reasons I'm Here

    sometimes I can be rather entertaining. I'm witty, mildly talented as a triple threat (sing, dance, act). I have fun with myself - it's a good thing.
    RavenLee RavenLee 46-50, F 2 Responses Sep 2, 2009

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    O Hai

    I'm glad I'm not the only one. I personally think I am extremely funny, though I haven't met many people who agree. heh The people I do make laugh though make it all worth it...but even more than that, I make myself laugh EVERY day and I am not diagnosed as insane so I'm...
    soulshadow soulshadow 36-40, F 2 Responses Apr 10, 2010

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    School Vacation Week...

    Okay...so they call it vacation week...let's be realistic here...just because there is no school...doesn't mean there's a vacation time for parents. I have found that everything in my current world is taking 45 minutes to an hour longer than it should. If I have to be at work by...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Feb 23, 2011

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    Ohhh... Our Daughters...

    Three blonds talking: "I found cigarettes in my daughters purse. I think she has become a smoker." "I found cocaine in my daughters purse. I think she has become a junkie." "I found condoms in my daughters purse... Oh my God! I think she has become a man!!!"
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Feb 26, 2011

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    I'm a funny ****** or at least I think so.

    I'm always cracking myself up. Have you ever told someone there going to take it in the *** with a zucchini? Well I have and I find it amusing. Earlier today at the store this lady said some guy told her woman all have big boob and an attitude. She said she got screwed. I told...
    holehearted79 holehearted79 31-35, F 1 Response Dec 10, 2013

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    Realtors And Speeding Tickets...

    A Realtor, driving his buyers around looking at houses, is suddenly pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the Realtor’s car door, and the Realtor says "Is there a problem officer?" The policeman says, "Sir you were speeding. Can I see your driver’s license...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Feb 24, 2011

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    Viewer Discretion Is Advised...

    There was this newly wed couple that was just married and the bride was home naked waiting for her husband to get home. Well, the mother-in-law decided to stop by and seen the young bride naked and asked what she was doing. And she said: "This is my love dress." The young girl...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F 1 Response Feb 26, 2011

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    Whe You Live...

    in the country in fair seclusion...you have to learn to amuse yourself..
    txwoman2 txwoman2 36-40, F Feb 13, 2010

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    Thinking It Works A Little Too Well....

    An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance," says Mrs.. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache." "No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he...
    marlon70 marlon70 36-40, F Feb 25, 2011

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    Related Experiences

    I was eavesdropping on this group of Chinese people who were seated next to us at a bistro last night and this guy was telling his friends how drunk his girlfriend was the night...
    AthenaJones AthenaJones 36-40, F 6 Responses Jan 3

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    I set off hobbling through the forestWhere I came upon a Goblin florist.I told him "my friend's health is chronic!"He said "Don't fret young toad I've got just the tonic!!"And...
    Bobhoglin Bobhoglin 46-50, M 1 Response Jan 11

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    I have an urgent need to forgive myself for something I did in high school. For years I've been very harsh with myself about this mistake and I've been telling myself that what I...
    NamelessNomad NamelessNomad 22-25, F Jan 20

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    I hated how I say to people that Im proud of myself and I loved it. I hated how **** I am. I hated how I can be so confident. I hated how I interact with others. I hated how I feel...
    shishishosho97 shishishosho97 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 4

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    Honestly I am 34 and no high school education. I had kids at 18,29,21 . Been married 2x and never done a damn thing for myself . I come from a place and daily that has the...
    KittenHasClaws1980 KittenHasClaws1980 31-35, F 2 Responses Jan 2

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    I'm fifteen. I'm a sophomore and I've been continually depressed since last summer when the first girl I legitimately fell for got really mad at me and then moved away. I just sent...
    GuiltyLover GuiltyLover 13-15, M 1 Response Jan 17

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    narcissistic maybe- i grew up with no self confidence. i was the black sheep of my family and the middle child, chubby and shy. when i graduated i started loosing my "baby weight...
    snelletrail snelletrail 26-30, F 3 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    The title says it all. Well yeah, I really do hate myself. I've been hospitalized 3 times in the past year for suicide attempts, self-harm, and drug use. I've done so many things...
    shecancareless shecancareless 22-25, F 1 Response Dec 30, 2014

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    Last year was a game changer for me..i left my boyfriend of five years last February. It was difficult to do but I don't regret it. It took me over a year to work up the courage...
    lambkin lambkin 26-30, F 4 Responses Jan 6

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    I feel like I do of course im a walking contradiction so maybe im not after all..uhhh I dont know why the hell it's so hard for me to give a crap about myself anymore unless I have...
    simpleandpossible simpleandpossible 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 8

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    …and I never get bored of myself or hate myself... I love being myself at all times; perhaps I am a little narcissistic... Oh well, better than self hating, no? Although I don't...
    MissGaga MissGaga 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 15

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    I want to break down and slash my wrist and watch the blood hit the ground. I think to myself, what urges this on? Why am I so depressed, so angry, confused, upset. I just wanna...
    fade77 fade77 13-15, F 1 Response 11 hrs ago

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    I feel like I am always giving more than I can. I try to fix everyone without taking the time to fix myself. I am attracted to people who have many problems. I don't know why, I...
    SkyDean SkyDean 16-17, F Dec 31, 2014

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    so here we are - 2015!!! a whole new year to mess up, lol :) I hope this one is good to me, and that I am successful at improving myself. I have really lived a very long life - I...
    milehighHeartbreak milehighHeartbreak 31-35, M 2 Responses Jan 1

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    I annoy myself so much. my mind never stops talking. i hate the sound of my own voice. i hate my reflection. i hate the way i look. i hate my personality. i hate everything about...
    EnjoyTheSilenceX EnjoyTheSilenceX 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 2

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    I do not know why I posted the last story. I think I'm just weird and over it. All of my sh!t's gonna be on blast one day. If not, then I've pretty much given up on becoming famous...
    adianoeta adianoeta 26-30, F 2 Responses Jan 2

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    Even though i felt lonely, felt depression and suicidal things creeping up on my back bone, the only thing thats keeping me now from waking up with a razor and slitted wrist is the...
    CursedRaven CursedRaven 16-17, F 1 Response Jan 2

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    I was 12 years old when I and thirty other kids were waiting outside in front of the school. It was the first week of secondary school. In a few minutes we would bike to a nearby...
    Jemoeder Jemoeder 26-30 1 Response Jan 4

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    if I make someone important upset or make myself upset I'll say negative things to myself and lock myself in my room and starve myself no matter how hungry I am
    LilahWolf LilahWolf 16-17, F Jan 5

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    I'm so fat and ugly and stupid. I'm a massive screw up, I can't do anything right. I can't stick to a diet because I'm such a fatass. I have no self control. I barely have any...
    SheSaid15 SheSaid15 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 7

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    Now I will pick myself up and brush myself off. Do what's exactly right by me: study hard, workout hard, take great care of myself... love myself so completely. I will be even...
    Summerandroses Summerandroses 22-25, F 7 Responses Jan 9