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I Battle Codependency

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 117 People

    Jan. 16. Prayer. As a matter of fact,

    prayer is the only real action in the full sense of the word, because prayer is the only thing that changes one's character. A change in character, or a change in soul, is a real change. —Emmet Fox, The Sermon on the Mount Erica Jong has said that we are spiritual beings who...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 16

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    Http://www.codependents.org/

    Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers. Denial Patterns: I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I minimize, alter...
    justaSeeker justaSeeker 56-60, M 2 Responses May 4, 2010

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    November 2. The Grief Process.

    To let ourselves wholly grieve our losses is how we surrender to the process of life and recovery. Some experts, like Patrick Carnes, call the Twelve Steps "a program for dealing with our losses, a program for dealing with our grief." How do we grieve? Awkwardly. Imperfectly...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 2

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    April 10. Using Others to Stop Our Pain.

    Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 10

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    “Being a low-maintenance child

    or partner (a nice word for self-neglect) is idealized as a valuable attribute.” – Charlotte Z. Cavatica Many children who cannot rely upon their immediate environment to meet their needs, become as low-maintenance as possible. Some refer to this as an avoidant personality...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M Jan 19

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    November 10. Beliefs about Money.

    "I was starting a new job for a corporation. I was good at what I did for a living. The personnel manager and I were down to the details of employment, and he asked me how much money I believed I deserved. I thought about it and came up with a figure of $400 a month. This was...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 10

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    October 29. Acceptance.

    A magical potion is available to us today. That potion is called acceptance. We are asked to accept many things: ourselves, as we are; our feelings, needs, desires, choices, and current status of being. Other people, as they are. The status of our relationships with them...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 29

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    November 12. Timing. Wait

    until the time is right. It is self-defeating to postpone or procrastinate; it is also self-defeating to act too soon, before the time is right. Sometimes, we panic and take action out of fear. Sometimes, we take untimely action for revenge or because we want to punish someone...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 12

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    Enjoying The Good Days - May 10

    Good feelings can become a habitual part of our life. There is absolutely no virtue in the unnecessary suffering, which many of us have felt for much of our life. We don't have to allow others to make us miserable, and we don't have to make ourselves miserable. A good day does...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses May 10, 2013

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    I Feel Silly Writing This, And I May Be Wrong In Writing It....

    I've known I'm codependent for years now. . . The very last therapist I had, introduced codependency to me, I'd never heard the term before her. I thought I'd rid myself of the codependency after I put my foot down with my alcoholic mother. She went into rehab, a month later...
    Greeneyedandcurious Greeneyedandcurious 22-25, F 6 Responses Feb 16, 2013

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    March 10. Taking Care of Ourselves.

    We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person's feelings. It's impossible; the two acts contradict. What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries! It's good to care about other...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 9

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    October 24. Opening Ourselves to Love.

    Open ourselves to the love that is available to us. We do not have to limit our sources of love. God and the Universe have an unlimited supply of what we need, including love. When we are open to receiving love, we will begin to receive it. It may come from the most...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 24

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    Characteristics Of A Codependent

    Think and feel responsible for other people - for other people's feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being and ultimate destiny. Feel compelled - almost forced - to help that person solve the problem, such as offering unwanted advice...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jan 31, 2013

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    Shaking Off Codependant Traits

    Yes, I was raised in a very unhealthy codependent family. My brother involved with drugs from childhood. My parents were at a loss of how to deal with this problem. Father tried to deal with it, even turning to the police. My mother was too soft and quickly went into denial and...
    AceofPentacles AceofPentacles 46-50, F 6 Responses Nov 29, 2011

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    November 3. Denial. Denial is fertile breeding

    ground for the behaviors we call codependent: controlling, focusing on others, and neglecting ourselves. Illness and compulsive or addictive behaviors can emerge during denial. Denial can be confusing because it resembles sleeping. We're not really aware we're doing it until we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 3

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    Nov. 4

    Anger Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance. As we come to terms with loss and change, we may...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 4, 2013

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    Intimacy - May 12

    We can let ourselves be close to people. Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instinctively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy. When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 12, 2013

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    Boundaries - May 17

    Sometimes, life and people seem to push and push. Because we are so used to pain, we may tell ourselves it doesn't hurt. Because we are so used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves there is something wrong with us. There's nothing wrong with us. Life...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response May 17, 2013

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    2014 Affirmations 1.

    I know that life always supports me. 2. I experience life as a joyous dance. 3. I lovingly release the past. They are free and I am free. All is well in my heart now. 4. I am loved. I now choose to love and approve of myself. I see others with love. 5. I now release the anger in...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 21

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    Soul Groups

    Every one of us has a group of souls we are spiritually connected to, just that little more than we are connected with the collective consciousness. A group we are meant to connect with in both the spirit world, and here by choice in physical form. This is our soul group. The...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 3 Responses May 8, 2013

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    Some Recovery Patterns Of Codependence

    The 1st entry of each section shows a Codependent Trait.  The 2nd entry of each section shows the corresponding Recovery Trait   I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment. I...
    justaSeeker justaSeeker 56-60, M 4 Responses May 4, 2010

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    November 11. Discipline.

    Children need discipline to feel secure; so do adults. Discipline means understanding there are logical consequences to our behavior. Discipline means taking responsibility for our behavior and the consequences. Discipline means learning to wait for what we want. Discipline...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Nov 11

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    November 4. Anger. Feeling angry - and,

    sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance. As we come to terms with loss and change, we may blame our higher Power...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 4

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    Codependency, I'm sick of you.

    .I've felt you would be the death of me one way or another.. One person or another.. One thought.. To the other.. Feeling worthless, used, disposable.. At a loss for words, afraid to have a face, to have a voice, to have a ******* identity.. being intimidated by the world and...
    morsecodes morsecodes 22-25, F Nov 1

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    Jan. 4. Separating from Family Issues.

    We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between our nuclear family and ourselves. We can separate ourselves from their issues.Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction.Some of us may...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 4

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    I first wrote this entry

    for its therapeutic value. I grew up clueless and highly disconnected when it came to emotional inner reality. To make matters worse, I never paid attention to the consequences of this nameless, soul-killing condition I am about to describe. Leo Tolstoy, an awe-inspiring...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M Jan 19

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    Dec. 6. Letting Go of Shame.

    Many of us were victimized, sometimes more than once. We may have been physically abused, sexually abused, or exploited by the addictions of another.Understand that if another person has abused us, it is not cause for us to feel shame. The guilt for the act of abuse belongs...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 6, 2013

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    Two Codependents - A Fable

    Two codependents were out walking one morning when they came to a shallow river. "I’m scared of getting wet." said one. "If you really love me you will carry me across the river." The first codependent naturally agreed to this but, as codependents do, also added a...
    gia99 gia99 18-21, F 10 Responses Oct 29, 2010

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    Recovery - Oct. 11

    How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . . Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 11, 2013

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    November 14. Letting Our Anger Out.

    It's okay to be angry, but it isn't healthy to be resentful. Regardless of what we learned as children, no matter what we saw role modeled, we can learn to deal with our anger in ways that are healthy for us and for those around us. We can have our angry feelings. We can...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 6 days ago

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    Not A Victim - Sept. 30

    You are not a victim. How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 30, 2013

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    November 5. Let's Make a Deal.

    "The relationship just wasn't working out, and I wanted it to so badly. I kept thinking if I just made myself look prettier, if I just tried to be a more loving, kind person, then he would love me. I turned myself inside out to be something better, when all along, who I was was...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 5

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    May 18. Don't stop living your life!

    So often, when a problem occurs, inside or around us, we revert to thinking that if we put our life on hold we can positively contribute to the solution. If a relationship isn't working, if we face a difficult decision, if we're feeling depressed, we may put our life on hold...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 18

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    October 23. Morning Cues.

    There is an important message for us first thing every day. Often, once we get started with the day, we may not listen as closely to life and ourselves as we do in those still moments when we first awaken. An ideal time to listen to ourselves is when we are laying quietly...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 23

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    Is This A Weakness?

    I'm not sure if this is because my mom didn't love me enough throughout my life, or if it has to do with my depression. I don't know what to do without someone to love, I'm too selfless to love myself. I always feel so lost and empty like I'm missing out on something I lost...
    LivingToLearnLearningToLove LivingToLearnLearningToLove 22-25, M 2 Responses Aug 25, 2013

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    Jan. 19. Owning Our Power.

    There is one feeling we need to pay particular attention to in recovery: feeling victimized. We do not need to become comfortable with that feeling. How do we feel when we've been victimized? Helpless. Rageful. Powerless. Frustrated. Feeling victimized is dangerous. Often...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 19

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    October 27. Step Eleven.

    "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." —Step Eleven of Al Anon "... praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 27

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    March 10. Living with Families.

    I was forty-six years old before I finally admitted to myself and someone else that my grandfather always managed to make me feel guilty, angry, and controlled. —Anonymous We may love and care about our family very much. Family members may love and care about us. But...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 10

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    October 25. Letting Go of the Past.

    "... in thy book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me when as yet there was none of them." —Ps. 139:16 Some people believe that each of our days were planned, Divinely Ordered, before we were born. God knew, they say, and planned exactly what...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 25

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    November 1. Transformation through Grief.

    We're striving for acceptance in recovery - acceptance of our past, other people, our present circumstances, and ourselves. Acceptance brings peace, healing, and freedom - the freedom to take care of ourselves. Acceptance is not a one step process. Before we achieve...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 1

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    Nov. 29.

    Step Twelve. The Twelfth Step says that having had a spiritual awakening, we try to carry this message to others. Our message is one of hope, love, comfort, health - a better way of life, one that works. How do we carry it? Not by rescuing. Not by controlling. Not by obsessing...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 29, 2013

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    November 19. Accepting Our Feelings.

    Why do we struggle so with our feelings? Why do we work so hard to deny our emotions, especially concerning other people? They are only feelings! In the course of a day, we may deny we feel frustrated in reaction to someone who is selling us a service. We may deny that we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 day ago

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    November 18. Allowing Ourselves to be Nurtured.

    Let yourself be nurtured and loved. Let people be there for you. Allow yourself to be held when it would feel good. Let someone listen to you, support and encourage you when you need that. Receive comfort from someone's physical presence when you need that. Allow yourself to be...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 days ago

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    November 20. Wants and Needs.

    So many of us have been brainwashed to think that we can't have what we want in life. That is the belief of the martyr. It is born of deprivation and fear. Identifying what we want and need, then writing it down, sets in motion a powerful chain of events. It indicates that we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 10 hrs ago

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    November 8. True to Ourselves.

    "This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou 'canst not then be false to any man." —William Shakespeare To thine own self be true. A grounding statement for those of us who get caught up in the storm of needs and feelings of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 8

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    November 16. The Victim Trap.

    The belief that life has to be hard and difficult in the belief that makes a martyr. We can change our negative beliefs about life, and whether we have the power to stop our pain and take care of ourselves. We aren't helpless. We can solve our problems. We do have power - not...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 4 days ago

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    Jan. 3. Nurturing Self Care.

    ...there isn't a guidebook for setting boundaries. Each of us has our own guide inside ourselves. If we continue to work at recovery, our boundaries will develop. They will get healthy and sensitive. Our selves will tell us what we need to know, and we'll love ourselves enough to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 3

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    October 28. Meditation

    and Prayer. The Eleventh Step asks us to meditate as a route to improving our conscious contact with God. Meditation is different than obsessing or worrying. Obsession and worrying are fear connections. Meditation means opening our mind and our spiritual energy to the God...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 28

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    November 17. Grief and Action.

    "Trust in God and do something." —Mary Lyon It's important to let ourselves grieve as a passage between yesterday and tomorrow. But we do not have to be controlled unduly by our grief, or our pain. There are times when we have grieved, surrendered to the heaviness...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 3 days ago

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    October 30. Self Value.

    We have a real life of our own. Yes, we do. That empty feeling, that senses that everyone except us has a life - an important life, a valuable life, a better life - is a remnant from the past. It is also a self-defeating belief that is inaccurate. We are real. So is our life...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 30

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    May 24. Letting the Cycles Flow.

    Life is cyclical, not static. Our relationships benefit when we allow them to follow their own natural cycles. Like the tide ebbs and flows, so do the cycles in relationships. We have periods of closeness and periods of distance. We have times of coming together and times of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 24

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