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I Battle Codependency

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 106 People

    Not A Victim - Sept. 30

    You are not a victim. How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 30, 2013

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    Nov. 29.

    Step Twelve. The Twelfth Step says that having had a spiritual awakening, we try to carry this message to others. Our message is one of hope, love, comfort, health - a better way of life, one that works. How do we carry it? Not by rescuing. Not by controlling. Not by obsessing...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 29, 2013

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    July 25. Keep at It. Keep practicing your

    recovery behaviors, even when they feel awkward, even when they haven't quite taken yet, even if you don't get it yet. Sometimes it takes years for a recovery concept to move from our mind into our heart and soul. We need to work at recovery behaviors with the diligence, effort...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 6 days ago

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    March 10. Living with Families.

    I was forty-six years old before I finally admitted to myself and someone else that my grandfather always managed to make me feel guilty, angry, and controlled. —Anonymous We may love and care about our family very much. Family members may love and care about us. But...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 10

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    Is This A Weakness?

    I'm not sure if this is because my mom didn't love me enough throughout my life, or if it has to do with my depression. I don't know what to do without someone to love, I'm too selfless to love myself. I always feel so lost and empty like I'm missing out on something I lost...
    LivingToLearnLearningToLove LivingToLearnLearningToLove 22-25, M 2 Responses Aug 25, 2013

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    July 12. Letting Go of Fear of Abandonment.

    "Where are you, God? Where did you go?" So many people have gone away. We may have felt so alone so much. In the midst of our struggles and lessons, we may wonder if God has gone away too. There are wondrous days when we feel God's protection and presence, leading and guiding...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 12

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    July 15. Self-care with Family Members.

    "I was thirty- five years old the first time I spoke up to my mother and refused to buy into her games and manipulation. I was terribly frightened and almost couldn't believe I was doing this. I found I didn't have to be mean. I didn't have to start an argument. But I could say...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 15

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    July 21. Being Is Enough.

    We are not always clear about what we are experiencing, or why. In the midst of grief, transition, transformation, learning, healing, or discipline - it's difficult to have perspective. That's because we have not learned the lesson yet. We are in the midst of it. The gift of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 21

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    March 10. Taking Care of Ourselves.

    We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person's feelings. It's impossible; the two acts contradict. What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries! It's good to care about other...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 9

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    Jan. 4. Separating from Family Issues.

    We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between our nuclear family and ourselves. We can separate ourselves from their issues.Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction.Some of us may...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 4

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    July 11. Bring Any Request to God.

    Bring any request you have to God. No request is too large; none too small or insignificant. How often we limit God by not bringing to God everything we want and need. Do we need help getting our balance? Getting through the day? Do we need help in a particular relationship...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 11

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    Http://www.codependents.org/

    Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers. Denial Patterns: I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I minimize, alter...
    justaSeeker justaSeeker 56-60, M 2 Responses May 4, 2010

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    Some Recovery Patterns Of Codependence

    The 1st entry of each section shows a Codependent Trait.  The 2nd entry of each section shows the corresponding Recovery Trait   I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment. I...
    justaSeeker justaSeeker 56-60, M 4 Responses May 4, 2010

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    2014 Affirmations 1.

    I know that life always supports me. 2. I experience life as a joyous dance. 3. I lovingly release the past. They are free and I am free. All is well in my heart now. 4. I am loved. I now choose to love and approve of myself. I see others with love. 5. I now release the anger in...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 21

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    July 14. We Are Lovable.

    "Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay." —Codependent No More Do you ever find yourself thinking: How could anyone possibly love me? For many of us, this is a deeply ingrained belief that can become a self...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 14

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    July 18. Time to Get Angry.

    It's about time you got angry - yes, that angry. Anger can be such a potent, frightening emotion. It can also be a feeling that guides us to important decisions, sometimes decisions difficult to make. It can signal other people's problems, our problems, or simply problems we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 18

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    April 10. Using Others to Stop Our Pain.

    Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 10

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    July 20. Letting Go of Resistance.

    Do not be in such a hurry to move on. Relax. Breathe deeply. Be. Be in harmony today. Be open. There is beauty around and in us today. There is purpose and meaning in today. There is importance in today - not so much in what happens to us, but in how we respond. Let today...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 20

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    July 22. Learning to Trust Again.

    Many of us have trust issues. Some of us tried long and hard to trust untrustworthy people. Over and again, we believed lies and promises never to be kept. Some of us tried to trust people for the impossible; for instance, trusting a practicing alcoholic not to drink again...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 22

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    July 8. Going with the Flow.

    Go with the flow. Let go of fear and your need to control. Relinquish anxiety. Let it slip away, as you dive into the river of the present moment, the river of your life, your place in the universe. Stop trying to force the direction. Try not to swim against the current...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 8

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    July 19. Proving It to Ourselves.

    "I spent a year trying to prove to my husband how much his drinking was hurting me. When I began to recover, I realized I was the one who needed to realize how much his drinking was hurting me." —Anonymous "I spent months trying to prove to a man I was dating how...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 19

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    Jan. 16. Prayer. As a matter of fact,

    prayer is the only real action in the full sense of the word, because prayer is the only thing that changes one's character. A change in character, or a change in soul, is a real change. —Emmet Fox, The Sermon on the Mount Erica Jong has said that we are spiritual beings who...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 16

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    May 18. Don't stop living your life!

    So often, when a problem occurs, inside or around us, we revert to thinking that if we put our life on hold we can positively contribute to the solution. If a relationship isn't working, if we face a difficult decision, if we're feeling depressed, we may put our life on hold...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 18

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    Enjoying The Good Days - May 10

    Good feelings can become a habitual part of our life. There is absolutely no virtue in the unnecessary suffering, which many of us have felt for much of our life. We don't have to allow others to make us miserable, and we don't have to make ourselves miserable. A good day does...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses May 10, 2013

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    July 9. Overspending

    and Underspending. "I used to beat my husband to death with my credit card. It made me feel like I had some control, some way to get even with him." —Anonymous "I spent ten years buying everything for myself at garage sales. I didn't even buy myself a new pair of shoes...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 9

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    Recovery - Oct. 11

    How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . . Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 11, 2013

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    July 30. Accepting Powerlessness.

    Since I've been a child, I've been in an antagonistic relationship with an important emotional part of myself: my feelings. I have consistently tried to ignore, repress, or force my feelings away. I have tried to create unnatural feelings or force away feelings that were...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 day ago

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    July 24. Denial. Denial is a powerful tool.

    Never underestimate its ability to cloud your vision. Be aware that, for many reasons, we have become experts at using this tool to make reality more tolerable. We have learned well how to stop the pain caused by reality - not by changing our circumstances, but by pretending...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F a week ago

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    July 4. Celebrate. Take time to celebrate.

    Celebrate your successes, your growth, and your accomplishments. Celebrate you and who you are. For too long you have been too hard on yourself. Others have spilled their negative energy - their attitudes, beliefs, and pain - on you. It had nothing to do with you! All along...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 4

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    July 13. God as We Understand God.

    "God is subtle, but he is not malicious." —Albert Einstein Recovery is an intensely spiritual process that asks us to grow in our understanding of God. Our understanding may have been shaped by early religious experiences or the beliefs of those around us. We may wonder if...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 13

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    July 7. Getting It All Out.

    "Let yourself have a good gripe session." From: " Woman, Sex, and Addiction" —Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D. Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 7

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    Intimacy - May 12

    We can let ourselves be close to people. Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instinctively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy. When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 12, 2013

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    Nov. 4

    Anger Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance. As we come to terms with loss and change, we may...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 4, 2013

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    May 24. Letting the Cycles Flow.

    Life is cyclical, not static. Our relationships benefit when we allow them to follow their own natural cycles. Like the tide ebbs and flows, so do the cycles in relationships. We have periods of closeness and periods of distance. We have times of coming together and times of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 24

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    July 3. Directness. So much of our

    communication can reflect our need to control. We say what we think others want to hear. We try to keep others from getting angry, feeling afraid, going away, or disliking us. But our need to control traps us into feeling like victims and martyrs. Freedom is just a few words...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 3

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    Shaking Off Codependant Traits

    Yes, I was raised in a very unhealthy codependent family. My brother involved with drugs from childhood. My parents were at a loss of how to deal with this problem. Father tried to deal with it, even turning to the police. My mother was too soft and quickly went into denial and...
    AceofPentacles AceofPentacles 46-50, F 6 Responses Nov 29, 2011

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    July 27. Letting Go. Stop trying

    so hard to control things. It is not our job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, and life. Maybe in the past we couldn't trust and let things happen. But we can now. The way life is unfolding is good. Let it unfold. Stop trying so hard to do better, be better, and be...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 4 days ago

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    July 10. Ending Relationships.

    It takes courage and honesty to end a relationship - with friends, loved ones, or a work relationship. Sometimes, it may appear easier to let the relationship die from lack of attention rather than risk ending it. Sometimes, it may appear easier to let the other person take...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 10

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    May 25. Loving Ourselves Unconditionally.

    Love yourself into health and a good life of your own. Love yourself into relationships that work for you and the other person. Love yourself into peace, happiness, joy, success, and contentment. Love yourself into all that you always wanted. We can stop treating ourselves...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 25

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    I first wrote this entry

    for its therapeutic value. I grew up clueless and highly disconnected when it came to emotional inner reality. To make matters worse, I never paid attention to the consequences of this nameless, soul-killing condition I am about to describe. Leo Tolstoy, an awe-inspiring...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M Jan 19

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    July 31. Letting Go of What We Want.

    "For those of us who have survived by controlling and surrendering, letting go may not come easily." —Beyond Codependency In recovery, we learn that it is important to identify what we want and need. Where does this concept leave us? With a large but clearly identified...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 12 hrs ago

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    July 29. Have Some Fun.

    Have some fun. Loosen up a bit. Enjoy life! We do not have to be so somber and serious. We do not have to be so reflective, so critical, so bound up within the rigid parameters and ourselves others, and often ourselves, have placed around us. This is life, not a funeral...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 days ago

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    July 6. Step Seven. Humbly asked God to remove

    our shortcomings. —Step Seven of Al-Anon In the Sixth and Seventh Steps of the program, we become willing to let go of our defects of character - issues, behaviors, old feelings, unresolved grief, and beliefs that are blocking us from the joy that is ours. Then we ask God...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 6

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    July 17. Love, in Words

    and Actions. Many of us have confused notions about what it means to be loved and cared about. Many of us were loved and cared for by people who had discrepancies between what they said and did. We may have had a mother or father who said, "I love you" to us, and then...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 17

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    I Feel Silly Writing This, And I May Be Wrong In Writing It....

    I've known I'm codependent for years now. . . The very last therapist I had, introduced codependency to me, I'd never heard the term before her. I thought I'd rid myself of the codependency after I put my foot down with my alcoholic mother. She went into rehab, a month later...
    Greeneyedandcurious Greeneyedandcurious 22-25, F 6 Responses Feb 16, 2013

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    July 26. Owning Our Power.

    Don't you see? We do not have to be so victimized by life, by people, by situations, by work, by our friends, by our love relationships, by our family, by our feelings, our thoughts, our circumstances, and ourselves. We are not victims. We do not have to be victims. That is...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 5 days ago

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    July 16. Insisting on the Best.

    We deserve the best life and love has to offer, but we are each faced with the challenge of learning to identify what that means in our life. We must each come to grips with our own understanding of what we believe we deserve, what we want, and whether we are receiving it...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 16

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    “Being a low-maintenance child

    or partner (a nice word for self-neglect) is idealized as a valuable attribute.” – Charlotte Z. Cavatica Many children who cannot rely upon their immediate environment to meet their needs, become as low-maintenance as possible. Some refer to this as an avoidant personality...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M Jan 19

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    April 11. Financial Goals.

    Taking responsibility for our financial affairs will improve our self-esteem and lessen anxiety. Each of us, today, has a present set of financial circumstances. We have a certain amount of money in hand, and money due to us. We have a pile of bills that we owe. We have taxes...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 11

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    Two Codependents - A Fable

    Two codependents were out walking one morning when they came to a shallow river. "I’m scared of getting wet." said one. "If you really love me you will carry me across the river." The first codependent naturally agreed to this but, as codependents do, also added a...
    gia99 gia99 18-21, F 10 Responses Oct 29, 2010

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    July 28. Fear. One day,

    I decided to try something new. I took my ten-year-old son out on the St. Croix River on a Waverunner. A Waverunner is a small boating vehicle resembling a motorcycle. We donned life jackets and embarked on an experience that turned out to be both exhilarating and frightening...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 3 days ago

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    Dec. 6. Letting Go of Shame.

    Many of us were victimized, sometimes more than once. We may have been physically abused, sexually abused, or exploited by the addictions of another.Understand that if another person has abused us, it is not cause for us to feel shame. The guilt for the act of abuse belongs...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 6, 2013

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    Jan. 19. Owning Our Power.

    There is one feeling we need to pay particular attention to in recovery: feeling victimized. We do not need to become comfortable with that feeling. How do we feel when we've been victimized? Helpless. Rageful. Powerless. Frustrated. Feeling victimized is dangerous. Often...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 19

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