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I Battle Codependency

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 129 People

    Jan. 4. Separating from Family Issues.

    We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between our nuclear family and ourselves. We can separate ourselves from their issues.Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction.Some of us may...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 4, 2014

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    March 10. Living with Families.

    I was forty-six years old before I finally admitted to myself and someone else that my grandfather always managed to make me feel guilty, angry, and controlled. —Anonymous We may love and care about our family very much. Family members may love and care about us. But...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 10, 2014

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    November 9. Asking for Help.

    It's okay to ask for help. One of the most absurd things we do to ourselves is not asking for the help we need from a friend, a family member, our Higher Power, or the appropriate resource. We don't have to struggle through feelings and problems alone. We can ask for help...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 9, 2014

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    December 12. God's Will.

    Each day, ask God what God wants us to do today; then ask God to help. A simple request, but so profound and far reaching it can take us anywhere we need to go. Listen: all that we want, all that we need, all the answers, all the help, all the good, all the love, all the...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 12, 2014

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    December 21. Balance.

    Strive for balanced expectations of others. Strive for healthy tolerance. In the past, we may have tolerated too much or too little. We may have expected too much or too little. We may swing from tolerating abuse, mistreatment, and deception to refusing to tolerate normal...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 21, 2014

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    December 23. Holiday Triggers.

    "One year, when I was a child, my father got drunk and violent at Christmas. I had just unwrapped a present, a bottle of hand lotion, when he exploded in an alcoholic rage. Our Christmas was disrupted. It was terrible. It was frightening for the whole family. Now, thirty-five...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 23, 2014

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    December 26. Growth. Just

    as when we were children and grew out of favorite toys and clothes, we sometimes grow out of things as adults - people, jobs, and homes. This can be confusing. We may wonder why someone or something that was so special and important to us last year doesn't fit the same way in...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 26, 2014

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    And lose. Why. Umm.

    Not enough caring in society. Poor. Gimped. Caring. Observant. Enraged by jerks. Redirected by caring. Smart enough to see the wealthy still making people fight each other for overpriced junk that wont be fun next christmas. Lol Sigh.
    Converted Converted 46-50, M Mar 21

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    December 14. Clear Thinking.

    Strive for clear thinking. Many of us have had our thinking clouded by denial. Some of us have even lost faith in ourselves because we've spent a degree of time in denial. But losing faith in our thinking isn't going to help us. What we need to lose faith in is denial. We didn...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 14, 2014

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    Jan. 19. Owning Our Power.

    There is one feeling we need to pay particular attention to in recovery: feeling victimized. We do not need to become comfortable with that feeling. How do we feel when we've been victimized? Helpless. Rageful. Powerless. Frustrated. Feeling victimized is dangerous. Often...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 19, 2014

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    December 19. Work Roles.

    How easy it is to dive into roles at work. How easy it is to place other people in roles. Sometimes, this is necessary, appropriate, and expedient. But we can also let our self-shine through our role. There is joy in giving our gift of skill at work, at giving ourselves to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 19, 2014

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    December 10. Empowerment.

    You can think. You can make good decisions. You can make choices that are right for you. Yes, we all make mistakes from time to time. But we are not mistakes. We can make a new decision that takes new information into account. We can change our mind from time to time. That's...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 10, 2014

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    Circle’s complete. 365 days.

    Thank you all for reading my daily posts from Melody Beattie’s book, “The Language of Letting Go.” Wishing you and yours an amazing New Year filled with infinite good, love and light.
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 1

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    December 16. Taking Care of Ourselves

    Emotionally. What does it mean to take care of myself emotionally? I recognize when I'm feeling angry, and I accept that feeling without shame or blame. I recognize when I'm feeling hurt, and I accept those feelings without attempting to punish the source of my pain. I...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 16, 2014

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    Soul Groups

    Every one of us has a group of souls we are spiritually connected to, just that little more than we are connected with the collective consciousness. A group we are meant to connect with in both the spirit world, and here by choice in physical form. This is our soul group. The...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 3 Responses May 8, 2013

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    Shaking Off Codependant Traits

    Yes, I was raised in a very unhealthy codependent family. My brother involved with drugs from childhood. My parents were at a loss of how to deal with this problem. Father tried to deal with it, even turning to the police. My mother was too soft and quickly went into denial and...
    AceofPentacles AceofPentacles 46-50, F 6 Responses Nov 29, 2011

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    December 18. Staying Open to Our Feelings.

    Many of us have gotten so good at following the "don't feel" rule that we can try to talk ourselves out of having feelings, even in recovery. "If I was really working a good program, I wouldn't feel angry." "I don't get angry. I'm a Christian. I forgive and forget." "I'm not...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 18, 2014

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    Dec. 25. The Holidays.

    Sometimes, the holidays are filled with the joy we associate with that time of year. The season flows. Magic is in the air. Sometimes, the holidays can be difficult and lonely. Here are some ideas I've learned through personal experience, and practice, to help us get through...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 24, 2014

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    October 22. Holding Your Own.

    Trust yourself. Trust what you know. Sometimes, it is hard to stand in our own truth and trust what we know, especially when others would try to convince us otherwise. In these cases, others may be dealing with issues of guilt and shame. They may have their own agenda. They...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 22, 2014

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    December 31. Affirming the Good.

    "Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living. And we become grateful." —Beyond Codependency Wait, and expect good things - for yourself and your loved ones. When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 31, 2014

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    Hi everyone im very new to this.

    I am a well educated married mother of 3 but got caught up in a codepenendant friendship with my best mate. We are no longer friends but I am trying to get used to not having her to talk to 24/7 Thanks for listening xox
    theUN theUN 31-35, F Feb 21

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    December 13. Giving. Don't be afraid of giving.

    For a while, we may need to back off from giving as we learn to discern the difference between healthy giving and caretaking, which leave us feeling victimized and others feeling resentful. This is a temporary spot. To be healthy, to do our part in this spiritual way of life...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 13, 2014

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    December 11. Affirmations.

    One of our choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think - using our mental energy positively. Positive mental energy, positive thinking, does not mean we think unrealistically or revert to denial. If we don't like something, we respect our own opinion. If we spot a...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 11, 2014

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    December 24. Getting Through the Holidays.

    For some, the sights, signs, and smells of the holidays bring joy and a warm feeling. But, while others are joyously diving into the season, some of us are dipping into conflict, guilt, and a sense of loss. We read articles on how to enjoy the holidays, we read about the...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 24, 2014

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    Enjoying The Good Days - May 10

    Good feelings can become a habitual part of our life. There is absolutely no virtue in the unnecessary suffering, which many of us have felt for much of our life. We don't have to allow others to make us miserable, and we don't have to make ourselves miserable. A good day does...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses May 10, 2013

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    March 10. Taking Care of Ourselves.

    We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person's feelings. It's impossible; the two acts contradict. What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries! It's good to care about other...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 9, 2014

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    December 22. Good Things Coming.

    Do not worry about how the good that has been planned for you will come. It will come. Do not worry, obsess, and think you have to control it, go out hunting for it, or tangle your mind trying to figure out how and when it will find you. It will find you. Surrender to your...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 22, 2014

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    December 29. Moving On.

    "Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief." —Codependent No More Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship. This is true in love, in...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 28, 2014

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    May 18. Don't stop living your life!

    So often, when a problem occurs, inside or around us, we revert to thinking that if we put our life on hold we can positively contribute to the solution. If a relationship isn't working, if we face a difficult decision, if we're feeling depressed, we may put our life on hold...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 18, 2014

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    Is This A Weakness?

    I'm not sure if this is because my mom didn't love me enough throughout my life, or if it has to do with my depression. I don't know what to do without someone to love, I'm too selfless to love myself. I always feel so lost and empty like I'm missing out on something I lost...
    LivingToLearnLearningToLove LivingToLearnLearningToLove 22-25, M 2 Responses Aug 25, 2013

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    May 25. Loving Ourselves Unconditionally.

    Love yourself into health and a good life of your own. Love yourself into relationships that work for you and the other person. Love yourself into peace, happiness, joy, success, and contentment. Love yourself into all that you always wanted. We can stop treating ourselves...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 25, 2014

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    April 10. Using Others to Stop Our Pain.

    Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 10, 2014

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    December 28. Panic. Don't panic!

    If panic strikes, we do not have to allow it to control our behaviors. Behaviors controlled by panic tend to be self-defeating. No matter what the situation or circumstance, panic is usually not a good foundation. No matter what the situation or circumstance, we usually have at...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 28, 2014

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    I Feel Silly Writing This, And I May Be Wrong In Writing It....

    I've known I'm codependent for years now. . . The very last therapist I had, introduced codependency to me, I'd never heard the term before her. I thought I'd rid myself of the codependency after I put my foot down with my alcoholic mother. She went into rehab, a month later...
    Greeneyedandcurious Greeneyedandcurious 22-25, F 6 Responses Feb 16, 2013

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    Jan. 16. Prayer. As a matter of fact,

    prayer is the only real action in the full sense of the word, because prayer is the only thing that changes one's character. A change in character, or a change in soul, is a real change. —Emmet Fox, The Sermon on the Mount Erica Jong has said that we are spiritual beings who...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 16, 2014

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    December 27. Near the Top.

    I know you're tired. I know you feel overwhelmed. You may feel as though this crisis, this problem, this hard time will last forever. It won't. You are almost through. You don't just think it has been hard; it has been hard. You have been tested, tried, and retested on what...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 27, 2014

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    Some Recovery Patterns Of Codependence

    The 1st entry of each section shows a Codependent Trait.  The 2nd entry of each section shows the corresponding Recovery Trait   I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment. I...
    justaSeeker justaSeeker 56-60, M 4 Responses May 4, 2010

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    December 15. Feelings.

    It's okay to have and feel our feelings - all of them. Years into recovery, we may still be battling with ourselves about this issue. Of all the prohibitions we've lived with, this one is potentially the most damaging and the most long-lived. Many of us needed to shut down...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 15, 2014

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    Jan. 3. Nurturing Self Care.

    ...there isn't a guidebook for setting boundaries. Each of us has our own guide inside ourselves. If we continue to work at recovery, our boundaries will develop. They will get healthy and sensitive. Our selves will tell us what we need to know, and we'll love ourselves enough to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 3, 2014

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    Not A Victim - Sept. 30

    You are not a victim. How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 30, 2013

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    December 17. Nurturing Ourselves.

    Many of us have been so deprived of nurturing that we think it's silly or self-indulgent. Nurturing is neither silly nor self-indulgent; it's how we show love for ourselves. That's what we're striving for in recovery - a loving relationship with ourselves that works, so we can...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 17, 2014

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    December 7. When the Time is Right.

    There are times when we simply do not know what to do, or where to go, next. Sometimes these periods are brief, sometimes lingering. We can get through these times. We can rely on our program and the disciplines of recovery. We can cope by using our faith, other people, and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 7, 2014

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    December 30. Laying the Foundation.

    The groundwork has been laid. Do you not see that? Don't you understand that all you have gone through was for a purpose? There was a reason, a good reason, for the waiting, the struggle, the pain, and finally the release. You have been prepared. The same way a builder must...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 30, 2014

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    Nov. 4

    Anger Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance. As we come to terms with loss and change, we may...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 4, 2013

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    Characteristics Of A Codependent

    Think and feel responsible for other people - for other people's feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being and ultimate destiny. Feel compelled - almost forced - to help that person solve the problem, such as offering unwanted advice...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jan 31, 2013

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    May 24. Letting the Cycles Flow.

    Life is cyclical, not static. Our relationships benefit when we allow them to follow their own natural cycles. Like the tide ebbs and flows, so do the cycles in relationships. We have periods of closeness and periods of distance. We have times of coming together and times of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 24, 2014

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