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I Battle Codependency

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 109 People

    Some Recovery Patterns Of Codependence

    The 1st entry of each section shows a Codependent Trait.  The 2nd entry of each section shows the corresponding Recovery Trait   I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment. I...
    justaSeeker justaSeeker 56-60, M 4 Responses May 4, 2010

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    July 29. Have Some Fun.

    Have some fun. Loosen up a bit. Enjoy life! We do not have to be so somber and serious. We do not have to be so reflective, so critical, so bound up within the rigid parameters and ourselves others, and often ourselves, have placed around us. This is life, not a funeral...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 29

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    Shaking Off Codependant Traits

    Yes, I was raised in a very unhealthy codependent family. My brother involved with drugs from childhood. My parents were at a loss of how to deal with this problem. Father tried to deal with it, even turning to the police. My mother was too soft and quickly went into denial and...
    AceofPentacles AceofPentacles 46-50, F 6 Responses Nov 29, 2011

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    May 25. Loving Ourselves Unconditionally.

    Love yourself into health and a good life of your own. Love yourself into relationships that work for you and the other person. Love yourself into peace, happiness, joy, success, and contentment. Love yourself into all that you always wanted. We can stop treating ourselves...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 25

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    Soul Groups

    Every one of us has a group of souls we are spiritually connected to, just that little more than we are connected with the collective consciousness. A group we are meant to connect with in both the spirit world, and here by choice in physical form. This is our soul group. The...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 3 Responses May 8, 2013

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    August 11. Healing. Let healing energy flow

    through your body. The healing energy of God, the Universe, life, and recovery surrounds us. It is available, waiting for us to draw on it, waiting for us to draw it in. It's waiting at our meetings or groups, on the words of a whispered prayer, in a gentle touch, a positive...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 11

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    March 10. Taking Care of Ourselves.

    We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person's feelings. It's impossible; the two acts contradict. What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries! It's good to care about other...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 9

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    July 23. Making It Happen.

    Stop trying so hard to make it happen. Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results. Stop thinking so much and so hard about it. Stop worrying so about it. Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 23

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    Recovery - Oct. 11

    How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . . Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 11, 2013

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    Two Codependents - A Fable

    Two codependents were out walking one morning when they came to a shallow river. "I’m scared of getting wet." said one. "If you really love me you will carry me across the river." The first codependent naturally agreed to this but, as codependents do, also added a...
    gia99 gia99 18-21, F 10 Responses Oct 29, 2010

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    May 24. Letting the Cycles Flow.

    Life is cyclical, not static. Our relationships benefit when we allow them to follow their own natural cycles. Like the tide ebbs and flows, so do the cycles in relationships. We have periods of closeness and periods of distance. We have times of coming together and times of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 24

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    I Feel Silly Writing This, And I May Be Wrong In Writing It....

    I've known I'm codependent for years now. . . The very last therapist I had, introduced codependency to me, I'd never heard the term before her. I thought I'd rid myself of the codependency after I put my foot down with my alcoholic mother. She went into rehab, a month later...
    Greeneyedandcurious Greeneyedandcurious 22-25, F 6 Responses Feb 16, 2013

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    August 19. Letting Go of Shame.

    Shame is that dark, powerful feeling that holds us back. Yes, shame can stop us from acting inappropriately. But many of us have learned to attach shame to healthy behaviors that are in our best interest. In dysfunctional families, shame can be tagged to healthy behaviors such...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 18 hrs ago

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    “Being a low-maintenance child

    or partner (a nice word for self-neglect) is idealized as a valuable attribute.” – Charlotte Z. Cavatica Many children who cannot rely upon their immediate environment to meet their needs, become as low-maintenance as possible. Some refer to this as an avoidant personality...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M Jan 19

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    July 30. Accepting Powerlessness.

    Since I've been a child, I've been in an antagonistic relationship with an important emotional part of myself: my feelings. I have consistently tried to ignore, repress, or force my feelings away. I have tried to create unnatural feelings or force away feelings that were...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 30

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    May 18. Don't stop living your life!

    So often, when a problem occurs, inside or around us, we revert to thinking that if we put our life on hold we can positively contribute to the solution. If a relationship isn't working, if we face a difficult decision, if we're feeling depressed, we may put our life on hold...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 18

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    July 21. Being Is Enough.

    We are not always clear about what we are experiencing, or why. In the midst of grief, transition, transformation, learning, healing, or discipline - it's difficult to have perspective. That's because we have not learned the lesson yet. We are in the midst of it. The gift of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 21

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    Http://www.codependents.org/

    Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers. Denial Patterns: I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I minimize, alter...
    justaSeeker justaSeeker 56-60, M 2 Responses May 4, 2010

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    April 10. Using Others to Stop Our Pain.

    Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 10

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    July 25. Keep at It. Keep practicing your

    recovery behaviors, even when they feel awkward, even when they haven't quite taken yet, even if you don't get it yet. Sometimes it takes years for a recovery concept to move from our mind into our heart and soul. We need to work at recovery behaviors with the diligence, effort...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 25

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    Characteristics Of A Codependent

    Think and feel responsible for other people - for other people's feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being and ultimate destiny. Feel compelled - almost forced - to help that person solve the problem, such as offering unwanted advice...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jan 31, 2013

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    Nov. 29.

    Step Twelve. The Twelfth Step says that having had a spiritual awakening, we try to carry this message to others. Our message is one of hope, love, comfort, health - a better way of life, one that works. How do we carry it? Not by rescuing. Not by controlling. Not by obsessing...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 29, 2013

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    Is This A Weakness?

    I'm not sure if this is because my mom didn't love me enough throughout my life, or if it has to do with my depression. I don't know what to do without someone to love, I'm too selfless to love myself. I always feel so lost and empty like I'm missing out on something I lost...
    LivingToLearnLearningToLove LivingToLearnLearningToLove 22-25, M 2 Responses Aug 25, 2013

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    July 24. Denial. Denial is a powerful tool.

    Never underestimate its ability to cloud your vision. Be aware that, for many reasons, we have become experts at using this tool to make reality more tolerable. We have learned well how to stop the pain caused by reality - not by changing our circumstances, but by pretending...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 24

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    I first wrote this entry

    for its therapeutic value. I grew up clueless and highly disconnected when it came to emotional inner reality. To make matters worse, I never paid attention to the consequences of this nameless, soul-killing condition I am about to describe. Leo Tolstoy, an awe-inspiring...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M Jan 19

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    July 22. Learning to Trust Again.

    Many of us have trust issues. Some of us tried long and hard to trust untrustworthy people. Over and again, we believed lies and promises never to be kept. Some of us tried to trust people for the impossible; for instance, trusting a practicing alcoholic not to drink again...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 22

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    2014 Affirmations 1.

    I know that life always supports me. 2. I experience life as a joyous dance. 3. I lovingly release the past. They are free and I am free. All is well in my heart now. 4. I am loved. I now choose to love and approve of myself. I see others with love. 5. I now release the anger in...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 21

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    July 26. Owning Our Power.

    Don't you see? We do not have to be so victimized by life, by people, by situations, by work, by our friends, by our love relationships, by our family, by our feelings, our thoughts, our circumstances, and ourselves. We are not victims. We do not have to be victims. That is...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 26

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    August 9. Asking for What We Need.

    Decide what it is you want and need, and then go to the person you need it from and ask for it. Sometimes, it takes hard work and much energy to get what we want and need. We have to go through the pains of identifying what we want, then struggle to believe that we deserve it...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 9

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    August 10. Letting Go of Perfection.

    "As I journey through recovery, more and more I learn that accepting myself and my idiosyncrasies — laughing at myself for my ways — gets me a lot further than picking on myself and trying to make myself perfect. Maybe that's really what it's all about — absolute loving...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 11

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    August 16. Rescuing Ourselves.

    No one likes a martyr. How do we feel around martyrs? Guilty, angry, trapped, negative, and anxious to get away. Somehow, many of us have developed the belief that depriving ourselves, not taking care of ourselves, being a victim, and suffering needlessly will get us what we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 3 days ago

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    Dec. 6. Letting Go of Shame.

    Many of us were victimized, sometimes more than once. We may have been physically abused, sexually abused, or exploited by the addictions of another.Understand that if another person has abused us, it is not cause for us to feel shame. The guilt for the act of abuse belongs...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 6, 2013

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    August 14. Owning Our Power.

    Many of us have someone in our life that challenges our ability to trust and care for ourselves. When we hear that person's voice or are in his or her presence, we may forget all we know about what is real, about how to own our power, about how to be direct, about what we know...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 5 days ago

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    Intimacy - May 12

    We can let ourselves be close to people. Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instinctively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy. When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 12, 2013

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    July 28. Fear. One day,

    I decided to try something new. I took my ten-year-old son out on the St. Croix River on a Waverunner. A Waverunner is a small boating vehicle resembling a motorcycle. We donned life jackets and embarked on an experience that turned out to be both exhilarating and frightening...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 28

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    August 8. Saying Yes.

    Yesterday we talked about learning to say no. Today, let's discuss another important word: Yes. We can learn to say yes to things that feel good, to what we want - for others and ourselves. We can learn to say yes to fun. Yes to meetings, to calling a friend, asking for help...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 8

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    August 13. Friends. Don't overlook the value

    of friendship. Don't neglect friends. Friends are a joy. Adult friendships can be a good place for us to learn to have fun and to appreciate how much fun we can have with a friend. Friends can be a comfort. Who knows us better, or is more able to give us support, than a good...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 6 days ago

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    July 27. Letting Go. Stop trying

    so hard to control things. It is not our job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, and life. Maybe in the past we couldn't trust and let things happen. But we can now. The way life is unfolding is good. Let it unfold. Stop trying so hard to do better, be better, and be...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 27

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    Aug. 1. Gratitude. "We learn the magical lesson

    that making the most of what we have turns it into more." —Codependent No More Say thank you, until we mean it. Thank God, life, and the universe for everyone and everything sent your way. Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 1

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    August 12. Directness.

    Direct people are a joy to be around. We never have to guess what they're really thinking or feeling, because they're honest about their thoughts and openly express their feelings. We never have to wonder if they're with us because they want to be, or if they're there out of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F a week ago

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    July 31. Letting Go of What We Want.

    "For those of us who have survived by controlling and surrendering, letting go may not come easily." —Beyond Codependency In recovery, we learn that it is important to identify what we want and need. Where does this concept leave us? With a large but clearly identified...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 31

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    Jan. 4. Separating from Family Issues.

    We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between our nuclear family and ourselves. We can separate ourselves from their issues.Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction.Some of us may...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 4

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    Jan. 16. Prayer. As a matter of fact,

    prayer is the only real action in the full sense of the word, because prayer is the only thing that changes one's character. A change in character, or a change in soul, is a real change. —Emmet Fox, The Sermon on the Mount Erica Jong has said that we are spiritual beings who...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 16

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    April 11. Financial Goals.

    Taking responsibility for our financial affairs will improve our self-esteem and lessen anxiety. Each of us, today, has a present set of financial circumstances. We have a certain amount of money in hand, and money due to us. We have a pile of bills that we owe. We have taxes...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 11

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    Nov. 4

    Anger Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance. As we come to terms with loss and change, we may...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 4, 2013

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    August 7. Saying No. For many of us,

    the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No. No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a "good" employee, child, parent, spouse, or...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 7

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    Aug. 2. In Between. Sometimes,

    to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in between. One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 2

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    Not A Victim - Sept. 30

    You are not a victim. How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 30, 2013

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    August 18. Valuing this Moment.

    "Detachment involves present moment living - living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it. We relinquish regrets over the past and fears about the future. We make the most of each day." —Codependent No More This moment, we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 day ago

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    August 4. Vulnerability.

    "I've learned that the more vulnerable I allow myself to be, the more in control of myself I really am." —Anonymous Many of us feel that we can only show our strong, confident side. We believe the face we have to show to the world should always be one of politeness...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 4

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    Jan. 3. Nurturing Self Care.

    ...there isn't a guidebook for setting boundaries. Each of us has our own guide inside ourselves. If we continue to work at recovery, our boundaries will develop. They will get healthy and sensitive. Our selves will tell us what we need to know, and we'll love ourselves enough to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 3

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    Boundaries - May 17

    Sometimes, life and people seem to push and push. Because we are so used to pain, we may tell ourselves it doesn't hurt. Because we are so used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves there is something wrong with us. There's nothing wrong with us. Life...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response May 17, 2013

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    Jan. 19. Owning Our Power.

    There is one feeling we need to pay particular attention to in recovery: feeling victimized. We do not need to become comfortable with that feeling. How do we feel when we've been victimized? Helpless. Rageful. Powerless. Frustrated. Feeling victimized is dangerous. Often...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 19

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