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I Battle Codependency

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 111 People

    Characteristics Of A Codependent

    Think and feel responsible for other people - for other people's feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being and ultimate destiny. Feel compelled - almost forced - to help that person solve the problem, such as offering unwanted advice...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jan 31, 2013

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    Shaking Off Codependant Traits

    Yes, I was raised in a very unhealthy codependent family. My brother involved with drugs from childhood. My parents were at a loss of how to deal with this problem. Father tried to deal with it, even turning to the police. My mother was too soft and quickly went into denial and...
    AceofPentacles AceofPentacles 46-50, F 6 Responses Nov 29, 2011

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    September 15. Getting Through Hard Times.

    "We are sturdy beings. But in many ways, we are fragile. We can accept change and loss, but this comes at our own pace and in our own way. And only God and we can determine the timing." —Codependent No More Hard times, stressful times, are not all there is to life, but...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 6 days ago

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    September 4. Finding Direction.

    "I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 4

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    Soul Groups

    Every one of us has a group of souls we are spiritually connected to, just that little more than we are connected with the collective consciousness. A group we are meant to connect with in both the spirit world, and here by choice in physical form. This is our soul group. The...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 3 Responses May 8, 2013

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    September 5. Step Ten.

    "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." —Step Ten of Al Anon Once we have worked our way to this Step, we can maintain and increase our self-esteem by regularly working Step Ten. This Step incorporates the process we have gone...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 5

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    “Being a low-maintenance child

    or partner (a nice word for self-neglect) is idealized as a valuable attribute.” – Charlotte Z. Cavatica Many children who cannot rely upon their immediate environment to meet their needs, become as low-maintenance as possible. Some refer to this as an avoidant personality...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M Jan 19

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    May 24. Letting the Cycles Flow.

    Life is cyclical, not static. Our relationships benefit when we allow them to follow their own natural cycles. Like the tide ebbs and flows, so do the cycles in relationships. We have periods of closeness and periods of distance. We have times of coming together and times of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 24

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    Nov. 29.

    Step Twelve. The Twelfth Step says that having had a spiritual awakening, we try to carry this message to others. Our message is one of hope, love, comfort, health - a better way of life, one that works. How do we carry it? Not by rescuing. Not by controlling. Not by obsessing...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 29, 2013

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    Jan. 4. Separating from Family Issues.

    We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between our nuclear family and ourselves. We can separate ourselves from their issues.Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction.Some of us may...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 4

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    September 21. Letting Go of Urgency.

    One thing at a time. That's all we have to do. Not two things at once, but one thing done in peace. One task at a time. One feeling at a time. One day at a time. One problem at a time. One step at a time. One pleasure at a time. Relax. Let go of urgency. Begin calmly now...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 13 hrs ago

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    September 12. Healing.

    "We should learn not to grow impatient with the slow healing process of time. We should discipline ourselves to recognize that there are many steps to be taken along the highway leading from sorrow to renewed serenity... We should anticipate these stages in our emotional...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 12

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    Jan. 19. Owning Our Power.

    There is one feeling we need to pay particular attention to in recovery: feeling victimized. We do not need to become comfortable with that feeling. How do we feel when we've been victimized? Helpless. Rageful. Powerless. Frustrated. Feeling victimized is dangerous. Often...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 19

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    August 26. Making Amends.

    "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." —Step Nine of Al-Anon When we make amends we need to be clear about what we're apologizing for and the best way to say we're sorry. What we are really doing with our...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 26

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    September 2. Detaching with Love with Children.

    "It's one thing to let go of my husband and let him suffer the consequences. But how do I let go of my children? Isn't it different with children? Don't we have responsibilities as parents?" —Al Anon member We do have different responsibilities to our children than to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 2

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    Two Codependents - A Fable

    Two codependents were out walking one morning when they came to a shallow river. "I’m scared of getting wet." said one. "If you really love me you will carry me across the river." The first codependent naturally agreed to this but, as codependents do, also added a...
    gia99 gia99 18-21, F 10 Responses Oct 29, 2010

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    September 11. Conflict

    and Detachment. In a relationship, there are those wonderful times when things go smoothly for both people, and neither person needs to focus too heavily on the concept of detachment. But there are those challenging times when one person is in crisis or changing - and we need...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 11

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    Jan. 16. Prayer. As a matter of fact,

    prayer is the only real action in the full sense of the word, because prayer is the only thing that changes one's character. A change in character, or a change in soul, is a real change. —Emmet Fox, The Sermon on the Mount Erica Jong has said that we are spiritual beings who...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 16

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    Is This A Weakness?

    I'm not sure if this is because my mom didn't love me enough throughout my life, or if it has to do with my depression. I don't know what to do without someone to love, I'm too selfless to love myself. I always feel so lost and empty like I'm missing out on something I lost...
    LivingToLearnLearningToLove LivingToLearnLearningToLove 22-25, M 2 Responses Aug 25, 2013

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    August 29. Owning Our Energy.

    "Learn to keep your energy inside." —From Women, Sex, and Addiction, Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D. For many reasons, we may have mastered the art of giving away our energy. We may have learned it when we were young because the feelings we had were too overwhelming to feel...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 29

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    September 18. Letting the Good Stuff Happen.

    "Before recovery, my relationships were lousy. I didn't do very well on my job. I was enmeshed in my dysfunctional family. But at least I knew what to expect!" —Anonymous I want the second half of my life to be as good as the first half was miserable. Sometimes, I'm afraid...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 3 days ago

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    Dec. 6. Letting Go of Shame.

    Many of us were victimized, sometimes more than once. We may have been physically abused, sexually abused, or exploited by the addictions of another.Understand that if another person has abused us, it is not cause for us to feel shame. The guilt for the act of abuse belongs...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 6, 2013

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    August 30. Accepting Our Best.

    We don't have to do it any better than we can - ever. Do our best for the moment, and then let it go. If we have to redo it, we can do our best in another moment, later. We can never do more or better than we are able to do at the moment. We punish ourselves and make...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 30

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    Http://www.codependents.org/

    Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers. Denial Patterns: I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I minimize, alter...
    justaSeeker justaSeeker 56-60, M 2 Responses May 4, 2010

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    2014 Affirmations 1.

    I know that life always supports me. 2. I experience life as a joyous dance. 3. I lovingly release the past. They are free and I am free. All is well in my heart now. 4. I am loved. I now choose to love and approve of myself. I see others with love. 5. I now release the anger in...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 21

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    April 10. Using Others to Stop Our Pain.

    Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 10

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    August 27. Procrastination.

    Procrastination - not acting when the time is right - is a self-defeating behavior. It produces anxiety, guilt, disharmony, and a nagging consciousness of the task that life is telling us it's time to do. We are not always procrastinating when we put off doing something...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 27

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    August 24. Step Eight.

    "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." —Step Eight of Al-Anon The Eighth Step is not meant to punish us; it is meant to set us free from guilt, anxiety, and discord. We begin by making a list of everyone we have harmed...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 24

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    Enjoying The Good Days - May 10

    Good feelings can become a habitual part of our life. There is absolutely no virtue in the unnecessary suffering, which many of us have felt for much of our life. We don't have to allow others to make us miserable, and we don't have to make ourselves miserable. A good day does...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses May 10, 2013

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    May 18. Don't stop living your life!

    So often, when a problem occurs, inside or around us, we revert to thinking that if we put our life on hold we can positively contribute to the solution. If a relationship isn't working, if we face a difficult decision, if we're feeling depressed, we may put our life on hold...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 18

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    August 28. Taking Care of Ourselves on the Job.

    It's okay to take care of ourselves on the job. It is not only okay - it is necessary. Taking care of ourselves on the job means we deal with feelings appropriately; we take responsibility for ourselves. We detach, when detachment is called for. We set boundaries, when we need...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 28

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    March 10. Taking Care of Ourselves.

    We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person's feelings. It's impossible; the two acts contradict. What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries! It's good to care about other...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 9

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    September 7. Powerless over Others.

    Stop making excuses for other people. Stop making excuses for ourselves. While it is our goal to develop compassion and achieve forgiveness, acceptance, and love, it is also our goal to accept reality and hold people accountable for their behavior. We can also hold ourselves...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 7

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    September 10. Self-approval.

    Most of us want to be liked. We want other people to think of us as nice, friendly, kind, and loving. Most of us want the approval of others. Since childhood, some of us have been trying to get approval, trying to get people to like us and think highly of us. We may be afraid...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 10

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    September 17. New Relationship Behaviors.

    We talk much about new relationship behaviors in recovery: allowing others to be themselves without over reacting and taking it personally, and owning our power to take care of ourselves. We talk about letting go of our need to control, focusing on self-responsibility, and not...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 4 days ago

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    September 16. Revenge.

    No matter how long we've been recovering, no matter how solid our spiritual ground, we may still feel an overwhelming desire at times to punish, or get even, with another person. We want revenge. We want to see the other person hurt the way he or she has hurt us. We want to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 5 days ago

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    September 6. The Good in Step Ten.

    Step Ten says: "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." It does not suggest that we ignore what is right in our life. It says we continue to take a personal inventory and keep a focus on ourselves. When we take an inventory, we will...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 6

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    Recovery - Oct. 11

    How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . . Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 11, 2013

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    August 25. Willing to Make Amends.

    The Eighth Step is talking about a change of heart, a healing change. This attitude can begin a great chain of repair and healing in our relationships with others and ourselves. It means we become willing to let go of our hard heartedness - one of the greatest blocks to our...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 25

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    August 31. Denial. I've been recovering many

    years. I've used denial many times. It has been a defense, a survival device, a coping behavior, and, at times, almost my undoing. It has been both a friend and an enemy. When I was a child, I used denial to protect my family and myself. I protected myself from seeing things...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 31

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    August 22. Responsibility

    for Family Members. "I can still remember my mother clutching her heart, threatening to have a heart attack and die, and blaming it on me." —Anonymous For some of us, the idea that we were responsible for other people's feelings had its roots in childhood and was...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 22

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    I first wrote this entry

    for its therapeutic value. I grew up clueless and highly disconnected when it came to emotional inner reality. To make matters worse, I never paid attention to the consequences of this nameless, soul-killing condition I am about to describe. Leo Tolstoy, an awe-inspiring...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M Jan 19

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    Intimacy - May 12

    We can let ourselves be close to people. Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instinctively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy. When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 12, 2013

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    April 11. Financial Goals.

    Taking responsibility for our financial affairs will improve our self-esteem and lessen anxiety. Each of us, today, has a present set of financial circumstances. We have a certain amount of money in hand, and money due to us. We have a pile of bills that we owe. We have taxes...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 11

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    I Feel Silly Writing This, And I May Be Wrong In Writing It....

    I've known I'm codependent for years now. . . The very last therapist I had, introduced codependency to me, I'd never heard the term before her. I thought I'd rid myself of the codependency after I put my foot down with my alcoholic mother. She went into rehab, a month later...
    Greeneyedandcurious Greeneyedandcurious 22-25, F 6 Responses Feb 16, 2013

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    Boundaries - May 17

    Sometimes, life and people seem to push and push. Because we are so used to pain, we may tell ourselves it doesn't hurt. Because we are so used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves there is something wrong with us. There's nothing wrong with us. Life...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response May 17, 2013

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    Nov. 4

    Anger Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance. As we come to terms with loss and change, we may...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 4, 2013

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    August 23. Self Care.

    "When will we become lovable? When will we feel safe? When will we get all the protection, nurturing, and love we so richly deserve? We will get it when we begin giving it to ourselves." —Beyond Codependency The idea of giving ourselves what we want and need can be...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 23

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    Jan. 3. Nurturing Self Care.

    ...there isn't a guidebook for setting boundaries. Each of us has our own guide inside ourselves. If we continue to work at recovery, our boundaries will develop. They will get healthy and sensitive. Our selves will tell us what we need to know, and we'll love ourselves enough to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 3

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    September 19. Apologies.

    Sometimes, we act in a manner with which we are less than comfortable. That's human. That's why we have the words: "I'm sorry." They heal and bridge the gap. But we don't have to say, "I'm sorry" if we didn't do anything wrong. A sense of shame can keep us apologizing for...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 days ago

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    September 20. Spontaneity.

    In recovery, we're learning to let ourselves go! We're learning to be spontaneous. Spontaneity may frighten some of us. We may be afraid of the loss of control involved with spontaneity. We may still be operating under the codependent rules that prohibit spontaneity: be good...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 day ago

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    Not A Victim - Sept. 30

    You are not a victim. How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 30, 2013

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    May 25. Loving Ourselves Unconditionally.

    Love yourself into health and a good life of your own. Love yourself into relationships that work for you and the other person. Love yourself into peace, happiness, joy, success, and contentment. Love yourself into all that you always wanted. We can stop treating ourselves...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 25

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