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I Battle Codependency

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 83 People

    March 25. Letting Go of Worry.

    What if we knew for certain that everything we're worried about today will work out fine? What if . . . we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time? Furthermore, what if we knew that three years...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Mar 25

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    Feb. 27. People-Pleasers.

    Have you ever been around people-pleasers? They tend to be displeasing. Being around someone who is turned inside out to please another is often irritating and anxiety- producing. People-pleasing is a behavior we may have adapted to survive in our family. We may not have been...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Feb 27

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    Enjoying The Good Days - May 10

    Good feelings can become a habitual part of our life. There is absolutely no virtue in the unnecessary suffering, which many of us have felt for much of our life. We don't have to allow others to make us miserable, and we don't have to make ourselves miserable. A good day does...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses May 10, 2013

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    April 11. Financial Goals.

    Taking responsibility for our financial affairs will improve our self-esteem and lessen anxiety. Each of us, today, has a present set of financial circumstances. We have a certain amount of money in hand, and money due to us. We have a pile of bills that we owe. We have taxes...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 11

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    April 10. Using Others to Stop Our Pain.

    Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 10

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    April 18. Freedom. Many of us were oppressed

    and victimized as children. As adults, we may continue to keep ourselves oppressed. Some of us don't recognize that caretaking and not setting boundaries will leave us feeling victimized. Some of us don't understand that thinking of ourselves as victims will leave us feeling...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 day ago

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    I never realized I had signs of codependency

    until my girlfriend started telling me she needed space, like she was losing her identity in only us and that he feared I let go of my own friends and wants and desires, that I needed to come to her full, and share her life endeavour not become her endeavour and she mine. I...
    PeterBGood PeterBGood 36-40, M 1 Response Mar 18

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    March 27. After-Burn.

    How could I do it? How could I say it? Even though I meant it, I still feel ashamed, guilty, and afraid. This is common reaction to new, exciting recovery behaviors. Anything to do with owning our power and taking care of ourselves can trigger feelings of shame, guilt, and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 27

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    April 2. Facing Our Darker Side.

    Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. —Step Four of Al-Anon By the time we get to the Fourth of the Twelve Steps, we are ready to face our darker side, the side that prevents us from loving others, from letting others love us, and from enjoying life and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 2

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    March 22. Letting Go of Being a Victim.

    It's okay to have a good day. Really. It's okay to be doing okay and to feel like our life is manageable and on track. Many of us have learned, as part of our survival behaviors, that the way to get the attention and approval we want is to be victims. If life is awful, too...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 22

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    Boundaries - May 17

    Sometimes, life and people seem to push and push. Because we are so used to pain, we may tell ourselves it doesn't hurt. Because we are so used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves there is something wrong with us. There's nothing wrong with us. Life...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response May 17, 2013

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    Intimacy - May 12

    We can let ourselves be close to people. Many of us have deeply ingrained patterns for sabotaging relationships. Some of us may instinctively terminate a relationship once it moves to a certain level of closeness and intimacy. When we start to feel close to someone, we may zero...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F May 12, 2013

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    Two Codependents - A Fable

    Two codependents were out walking one morning when they came to a shallow river. "I’m scared of getting wet." said one. "If you really love me you will carry me across the river." The first codependent naturally agreed to this but, as codependents do, also added a...
    gia99 gia99 18-21, F 10 Responses Oct 29, 2010

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    April 15. Communication.

    Part of owning our power is learning to communicate clearly, directly, and assertively. We don't have to beat around the bush in our conversations to control the reactions of others. Guilt-producing comments only produce guilt. We don't have to fix or take care of people with...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 4 days ago

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    Jan. 4. Separating from Family Issues.

    We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between our nuclear family and ourselves. We can separate ourselves from their issues.Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction.Some of us may...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 4

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    “Being a low-maintenance child

    or partner (a nice word for self-neglect) is idealized as a valuable attribute.” – Charlotte Z. Cavatica Many children who cannot rely upon their immediate environment to meet their needs, become as low-maintenance as possible. Some refer to this as an avoidant personality...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M Jan 19

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    Some Recovery Patterns Of Codependence

    The 1st entry of each section shows a Codependent Trait.  The 2nd entry of each section shows the corresponding Recovery Trait   I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment. I...
    justaSeeker justaSeeker 56-60, M 4 Responses May 4, 2010

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    April 9. Giving. Learning to be a healthy

    giver can be a challenge. Many of us got caught up in compulsive giving - charitable acts motivated by uncharitable feelings of guilt, shame, obligations, pity, and moral superiority. We now understand that catering and compulsive giving don't work. They backfire. Caretaking...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 9

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    Http://www.codependents.org/

    Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers. Denial Patterns: I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I minimize, alter...
    justaSeeker justaSeeker 56-60, M 2 Responses May 4, 2010

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    March 29. Getting Needs Met.

    Picture yourself walking through a meadow. There is a path opening before you. As you walk, you feel hungry. Look to your left. There's a fruit tree in full ripe. Pick what you need. Steps later, you notice you're thirsty. On your right, there's a fresh water spring. When you...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 29

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    Recovery - Oct. 11

    How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . . Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 11, 2013

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    April 14. Perfectionism.

    Recovery from codependency is an individual process that necessitates making mistakes, struggling through problems, and facing tough issues. Expecting ourselves to be perfect slows this process; it puts us in a guilty and anxious state. Expecting others to be perfect is...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 5 days ago

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    April 17. Taking Care of Ourselves.

    We often refer to recovery from codependency and adult child issues as self-care. Self-care is not, as some may think, a spin off of the Me generation. It isn't self-indulgence. It isn't selfishness - in the negative interpretation of that word. We're learning to take care of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 days ago

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    March 10. Taking Care of Ourselves.

    We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person's feelings. It's impossible; the two acts contradict. What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries! It's good to care about other...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 9

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    Soul Groups

    Every one of us has a group of souls we are spiritually connected to, just that little more than we are connected with the collective consciousness. A group we are meant to connect with in both the spirit world, and here by choice in physical form. This is our soul group. The...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 3 Responses May 8, 2013

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    Not A Victim - Sept. 30

    You are not a victim. How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 30, 2013

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    April 12. Letting Go of Fear.

    Picture yourself swimming floating - peacefully down a gentle stream. All you need to do is breathe, relax, and go with the flow. Suddenly, you become conscious of your situation. Frightened, overwhelmed with "what if's?" your body tenses. You begin to thrash around...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F a week ago

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    March 24. Appreciating Ourselves.

    We are the greatest things that will ever happen to us. Believe it. It makes life much easier. —Codependent No More It is time to stop this nonsense of running around picking on ourselves. We may have walked through much of our life apologizing for ourselves either directly...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 24

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    Jan. 14. Accepting Anger.

    Anger is one of the many profound effects life has on us. It's one of our emotions. And we're going to feel it when it comes our way - or else repress it. —Codependent No More If I were working a good program, I wouldn't get angry.... If I were a good Christian, I wouldn't...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 14

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    April 6. Patience. How sick

    and tired we may become of people telling us to be patient or to learn patience. How frustrating it can be to want to finally have something, or to move forward, and then not have that happen. How irritating to have someone tell us to wait while our needs have not been met and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 6

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    March 28. Balance. Seek balance.

    Balance emotions with reason. Combine detachment with doing our part. Balance giving with receiving. Alternate work with play, business with personal activities. Balance tending to our spiritual needs with tending to our other needs. Juggle responsibilities to others with...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 28

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    April 1. Going Easy. Go easy.

    You may have to push forward, but you don't have to push so hard. Go in gentleness - go in peace. Do not be in so much of a hurry. At no day, no hour, no time are you required to do more than you can do in peace. Frantic behaviors and urgency are not the foundation for our new...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 1

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    March 23. Flack from Setting Boundaries.

    We need to know how far we'll go, and how far we'll allow others to go with us. Once we understand this, we can go anywhere. —Beyond Codependency When we own our power to take care of ourselves - set a boundary, say no, and change an old pattern - we may get flack from some...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Mar 23

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    I first wrote this entry

    for its therapeutic value. I grew up clueless and highly disconnected when it came to emotional inner reality. To make matters worse, I never paid attention to the consequences of this nameless, soul-killing condition I am about to describe. Leo Tolstoy, an awe-inspiring...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M Jan 19

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    Jan. 20. New Beginnings.

    Resentments are the blocks that hold us back from loving others and ourselves. Resentments do not punish the other person; they punish us. They become barriers to feeling good and enjoying life. They prevent us from being in harmony with the world. Resentments are hardened...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 20

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    Shaking Off Codependant Traits

    Yes, I was raised in a very unhealthy codependent family. My brother involved with drugs from childhood. My parents were at a loss of how to deal with this problem. Father tried to deal with it, even turning to the police. My mother was too soft and quickly went into denial and...
    AceofPentacles AceofPentacles 46-50, F 6 Responses Nov 29, 2011

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    March 10. Living with Families.

    I was forty-six years old before I finally admitted to myself and someone else that my grandfather always managed to make me feel guilty, angry, and controlled. —Anonymous We may love and care about our family very much. Family members may love and care about us. But...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 10

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    April 19. Accepting Change.

    The winds of change blow through our life, sometimes gently, sometimes like a tropical storm. Yes, we have resting places - time to adjust to another level of living, time to get our balance, time to enjoy the rewards. We have time to catch our breath. But change is inevitable...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 16 hrs ago

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    Nov. 4

    Anger Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance. As we come to terms with loss and change, we may...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 4, 2013

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    2014 Affirmations 1.

    I know that life always supports me. 2. I experience life as a joyous dance. 3. I lovingly release the past. They are free and I am free. All is well in my heart now. 4. I am loved. I now choose to love and approve of myself. I see others with love. 5. I now release the anger in...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 21

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    Jan. 19. Owning Our Power.

    There is one feeling we need to pay particular attention to in recovery: feeling victimized. We do not need to become comfortable with that feeling. How do we feel when we've been victimized? Helpless. Rageful. Powerless. Frustrated. Feeling victimized is dangerous. Often...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 19

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    April 3. Acceptance. Surrender to the moment.

    Ride it out and through, for all it's worth. Throw yourself into it. Stop resisting. So much of our anguish is created when we are in resistance. So much relief, release, and change are possible when we accept, simply accept. We waste our time, expend our energy, and make...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 3

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    March 17. Empowering.

    You can think. You can feel. You can solve your problems. You can take care of yourself. Those words have often benefited me more than the most profound and elaborate advice. How easy it is to fall into the trap of doubting others and ourselves. When someone tells us about a...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 17

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    March 21. Considering Commitment.

    Pay attention to your commitments. While many of us fear committing, it's good to weigh the cost of any commitment we are considering. We need to feel consistently positive that it's an appropriate commitment for us. Many of us have a history of jumping -- leaping headfirst...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 21

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    March 31. Finances. Taking financial

    responsibility for ourselves is part of recovery. Some of us may find ourselves in hard financial times for a variety of reasons. Our recovery concepts, including the Steps, work on money issues and restoring manageability to that area of our life. Make appropriate amends...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 31

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    gilllung gilllung 22-25, M a week ago

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    Jan. 16. Prayer. As a matter of fact,

    prayer is the only real action in the full sense of the word, because prayer is the only thing that changes one's character. A change in character, or a change in soul, is a real change. —Emmet Fox, The Sermon on the Mount Erica Jong has said that we are spiritual beings who...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 16

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    Characteristics Of A Codependent

    Think and feel responsible for other people - for other people's feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being and ultimate destiny. Feel compelled - almost forced - to help that person solve the problem, such as offering unwanted advice...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jan 31, 2013

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    I Feel Silly Writing This, And I May Be Wrong In Writing It....

    I've known I'm codependent for years now. . . The very last therapist I had, introduced codependency to me, I'd never heard the term before her. I thought I'd rid myself of the codependency after I put my foot down with my alcoholic mother. She went into rehab, a month later...
    Greeneyedandcurious Greeneyedandcurious 22-25, F 6 Responses Feb 16, 2013

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    Jan. 3. Nurturing Self Care.

    ...there isn't a guidebook for setting boundaries. Each of us has our own guide inside ourselves. If we continue to work at recovery, our boundaries will develop. They will get healthy and sensitive. Our selves will tell us what we need to know, and we'll love ourselves enough to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 3

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    April 13. Enjoyment. One of the prohibitions

    many of us learned in childhood is the unspoken rule — don't have fun and enjoy life. This rule creates martyrs — people who will not let themselves embrace the pleasures of day-to-day living. Many of us associated suffering with some sort of sainthood. . Now, we associate...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 6 days ago

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    March 26. Gifts, Not Burdens.

    "Children are gifts, if we accept them." —Kathleen Turner Crilly Children are gifts. Our children, if we have children, are a gift to us. We, as children, were gifts to our parents. Sadly, many of us did not receive the message from our parents that we were gifts to them...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 26

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    April 7. Those Old Time Feelings.

    "I still have bad days. But that's okay. I used to have bad years." —Anonymous Sometimes, the old feelings creep back in. We may feel fearful, ashamed, and hopeless. We may feel not good enough, unlovable, victimized, helpless, and resentful about it all. This is...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 7

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    March 30. Experiment.

    Experiment. Try something new. Try stepping out. We have been held back too long. We have held ourselves back too long. As children, many of us were deprived of the right to experiment. Many of us are depriving ourselves of the right to experiment and learn as adults. Now is...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Mar 30

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    April 4. Negotiating Conflicts.

    Recovery is about more than walking away. Sometimes it means learning to stay and deal. It's about building and maintaining relationships that work. —Beyond Codependency Problems and conflicts are part of life and relationships - with friends, family, loved ones, and at work...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Apr 4

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    April 16. Letting Things Happen.

    We do not have to work so hard at gaining our insights. Yes, we're learning that painful and disappointing things happen, often for a reason and a higher purpose. Yes, these things often work out for good. But we don't have to spend so much time and energy figuring out the...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 3 days ago

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    Is This A Weakness?

    I'm not sure if this is because my mom didn't love me enough throughout my life, or if it has to do with my depression. I don't know what to do without someone to love, I'm too selfless to love myself. I always feel so lost and empty like I'm missing out on something I lost...
    LivingToLearnLearningToLove LivingToLearnLearningToLove 22-25, M 2 Responses Aug 25, 2013

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