I Battle Depression and Anxiety - Forum & Chat Board | candle burns at both ends...what can I do???

help, i really think I cant help it, theres no way out..I admit I do have a family all the time behind me..but just moved to a new city, veryyyy lonely...isolated to hell..really nedd people, human touch, someone to talk to, people are so very so very scared of me i feel in my panic manic attacks, too intesne or shocking I admit, kinda like Van Gogh...am i really that strange, something in my eyes too, like if I broke a veil, ran to religion but really cant get help, also psychiatry (10 years undiscvoered and badly diagnosed & medicated), now discovered bipolarity, but its really manic, anxious and depressive, too hot to handle...no more strength or kicks or faith, tooooo long..any advice I really need it, human toucnh hopefully live chat somwhere in this page....ALL YOU LONELY SOULS OUT THERE...how can I manage with other people when I have evil eye or gesture anxiously, or go so down cant even smile or speak..theres no worse hell inside...i just ask why??? why did I choose this before i was born..read a lot to keep alive, now hearing jazz, but bitter despair runs through my veins, like I've exhasuted all there is in the sickening marrow of life, human condition, my energy my desire my love is dying, cant really be, inside is a dark maze & dungeon, no one likes people like this, where did all the Christs or Bodhisattvas go...im too eccentric and strange (as in my sil;ence or mystic poetic very strong cravings)..how how!!??? i must go through, even kind suicidal, but never, maybe hospital, therell be hell i guess like Van Gogh or Artaud..veryyyy lost...i am indepted with my dad, cant help it, what is there, why have i dried up so soon, puragotry, or is it just totures for their own sake..does someone understand or Know a way out, talk to me whoever whatever, lets lament our forsaken souls till we die, which ever way comes..