I Battle Depression Forum & Chat Board | Do you ever feel like you don't want to get better?

I have been struggling with wanting to get better and not wanting to get better. I feel so sick of this but there is a part of mind that just feeds on my unstable psyche. How did you change your mind and find the strength to overcome this battle?

 

I'm afraid I might not even be ill; I feel like I'm avoiding taking responsibility for my lack of actions and imagining some illness to not feel like a total failure.

 

I also struggle with pushing myself and I feel guilt ridden when I don't push myself hard enough especially in school. I really just abhor making excusing for anything in life and that is why I feel I avoid terming myself as depressed. I think you may need to differenciate between lazy and depressed. If you are just lazy or avoiding work than i would maybe say not caused by depression but if other factors in your life as well have changed you may want to examine when you were happy and motivated to now when you feel like a failure. I am extremely hard on myself and it seems like you are too, so i will not tell you to go easy on yourself but maybe look at your life as a whole.

 

I agree its like part of you feeds of it,  like the misery is a meal for what ever worm is in your head.   I feel like i want to just stay like i am now,  not angry, not sad just grim. 

Why should we want to fight all the time, doctors and councilors can tell you to be strong and all the other rash they talk but they dont live it,  try fighting for 13+ years of your life and see how easy it is to carry on.  

Its not so much a want to stay this way more a lack of will to fight.

 

Resolve the issue and see a doctor and get a diagnosis. Best from a shrink. Once tyou know you can deal with it. What you are doing is procrastinating. You know something is wrong and you have identified the most likely possibilty. The nest step is dianosis followed by acceptance and then treatment, meds or therapy.

I have always seen the stage you are at as the hardest stage as you know there's a problem but you really don't want to know in case it is serious and so on. I took 25 years going through that stage but I didn't even think there was anything wrong. I thought it was normal as all my family acted the same way. No surprise, all 4 of us had depression which became najor depression and has lasted a lifetimne for each of uc. It started in 1961 dut to a fatal car crash where I list my Mum and my little sister.

Of course my father had great lesses and resonsibility too and it was he wh led the way by saying nothing, ever, about them or the accident. No griueving, no funeral, no sadness allowed. I was conscious on the road that day, the only one and I saw what happened. It's still in the front of my head and always will be. It's PTSD really. You never forget but you can learn to live with it.

Today I'm as stable as I can recall, have a partner with two kids and I have two from a previous marriage. All adult now although the youngest has just started uni and is still at home. So I've done well, despite the illness. It could have been so much better but regrets are for fools and losers. What is, is.

See that doctor and don't put it off 25 years like me OK?

 

It might not be laziness, but addiction and please don't get me wrong here. Depression, anxiety are caused by drugs in the brain, and much like any other drug, you can get used to it, and sometimes needing it.

Which makes people who really want to get better in a bit of a bind. But what makes you happy, and things that excite you or gets your adrenaline going, these  things can help you.

Exercise, physical activities or just likes that truly make you happy, even if your lonely/sad it can help you get out of those ruts. I realized when I did yoga, swimming and bike riding I felt much better not cured, but happier/clearer, when I stopped and did a lot of nothing i got lazy and depression got worse.

The hardest part is not letting your depression, bad moods, loss of energy hold you back from doing things.

Your right about it though your body doesn't want it but your mind also keeps you from wanting to get rid of it, I still suffer from the same problem, but I do my best to remain positive and keep the mind and the body active.

 

I have answered you already butMO. no one should settle for something that can be dealt with.

 

Really? You're afraid you might NOT be il. How does that worK? Go see a doctor and ask. WHat a very dumb thing to be doing. It's just procrastination which we all do. Why do today what we can keep putting off?

I used to work by that rule and found that when they stop asking it was no longer needed. Just on eo those "whim" questions you get at work.

The ones that asled a second time I responded to immediately.

 

Refer to above answer. Gosee a doc if you suspect depression but don't talk yourself intto it.

There is no mistaking laziness for the lethargy and awful weight of depression. ANd no, you can't fake it. No one is that good an actor. SO you have it or you don't. FIND OUT and stop panicking.

 

You don't have to fight anything. DO you have the will to pick up the phone and ring a doctor and get a referall to a shrinK? If you can write here you have that will and plenty more. Get moving and stop punishing yourself.

 

I think that these feelings do not come from you.

What do you know about ghosts?

If you want to know something about them i can  recommend Wanda Pratnicka book 'Possessed by Ghosts'

 

Farking ghosts. Get a grip pal. They don't exist and perhaps you don't either. You must be insane.