I Battle Depression - Forum & Chat Board | I think Its Time To Leave

My life consist of me getting up every morning and going to a job I cant stand for 9 hours a day. My job calls for me to sit in a building all by myself doing basically nothing and maybe see two people through the whole day if im lucky. My whole life seems to lack human interaction altogether. When I get off work I go home and do nothing until the next day where I do it all over again. I have absolutlely not one friend in the world. Nobody to talk to, nobody to do anything with, yet I always want to be doing something active. I just dont ever have anyone to do anything with. I seem to have a very very hard time making friends and I have never known why. No matter how nice I am to people nobody ever seems to likes me. And believe me I am very nice to people. Many days I will go on walks or go to social places thinking that I will meet somebody, anybody. Yet nothing. It always seems as though I am the only one that is truley alone. I dont think there is anything wrong with me but there must be something about me that turns people off or something. How can I go through 27 years of life without ever meeting anybody that I can call a real friend?  Im not really shy or anything, I just must not know what to say I guess. The only people in my life I talk to are my family, which I dont think cares at all about me.

All my life I have always dreamed about just leaving. Hitting the road and maybe backpacking/hitchiking through america. Kind of on a quest to meet other people like me that I might be friends with. Find that one place that I have always been looking for. The idea that anything could happen at any time has always excited me also. Atleast it wouldnt be boring. When I was a kid I always said when I turn 18 im going to do it. Just leave and see what happens. Well now I am 27 and my life has never been more boring. I just hope I have the courage to do it this time.

I feel exactly the same way. No matter how hard I tried, I could never find somebody to relate to. Good luck for your journey, should you choose to take it.

I think you should do exactly that!!  Quit your job and backpack across America!!  I did it when I was your age and it was one of the best things I've ever done in my life.  You will have lots of experiences...some crazy, some incredibly beautiful, some happy, some sad etc..but most of all you will end up meeting people who are in the same state of mind  that you are.  And you'll find places that you'll never want to leave and people that you never want to say goodbye to. And then, people and places will lead to other things...jobs, new activities...GO FOR IT.

...what u choose is what u believe in...if u want to leave and travel then do!...it sounds fun....i know how u feel because i take martial arts class full of bastards i cant stand....but i take it anyway to prove myself...and i believe u can live through ure life^^...i hope u find happiness...

I am glad and sad to read what you wrote. I am sad that you feel the way you do, but glad to know that i am not alone in my feelings. They are the same as yours. 



No one knows how sad i feel because i mask it with a smile and a lie. Its amazing how good i have become and hiding my sadness. i can walk out of a room laughing, and by the time i close the door of my car i am in tears. I know that what comes after the door closes is me alone and lonely. living in a house alone.

days like today, holidays are the hardest because i know no one is going to call me and invite me to go anywhere with them or do anything.

So i'll sit in my house all day...

It is so painful. like waking up everyday and having your heart break every single morning all over again.

i try...........but i just cant meet people who touch me and connect with me. it is exhausting trying sometimes. like a pointless endeavor....



i dont know. just know that youre not alone...











Sometimes i get down so much i think.........whats the point of getting up..... what is the point. I always fall. i always ache and i always hurt.



I dont tell anyone because i feel they wouldnt know what to do, they would judge me and not really understand just how painful it is to be this sad and how hard it is to find a reason to get up in the morning.



so why burden them.....



you may not know how i feel. But at least know i know how you feel and you are not alone......

Come to Wellington, New Zealand mate.  You will find plenty of friends!  Me for one!

you know, sometimes we can't find friends becouse we are trying too much. giving too much time for this, too much efforts. i think  you should concentrate not on people, but on some area - i mean, find something what interests you. maybe it's cars, movie, job, sport et cet. when you feel relaxed and less think about all the problems, becomes easier to live and find somebody.. love and friends come when you don't think about it.. try to know yourself better, find yourself in a new way.. and find another job!

Quite sad to hear your story, i hope you have an excellent journey and meet many different people. I've always wanted to do that also, however I'm Sixteen. When i was fourteen i tried to runaway as i just loved the idea of moving from place to place, getting away from my 'life' And hey, if you ever wanna mail anyone, mail me :)

Good luck, have fun- make sure you're careful.

hello pjam,can i ask how long have you been on ep for?ive been on for 3months now,i feel as you do when im having a bad day(trouble is theres more bad days than good)these days!!i truely feel you should just up&go!!feel the wind in your hair,see &do&try new things!!im very sure you will also meet alot of people on the road(so to speak)i feel you will come back a new man!!go for it,you have nothing to lose(apart from a job you dont like)xx

I'm sad that you're feeling so bad; I've been there, too, for most of my life. Have you tried joining a support group at a local mental health center? If you don't know of any, a hospital in your area can probably helped you find one. The reason I'm suggesting it is that I've joined several support groups and have made several new friends through them--people who I enjoy spending time with who also understand depression and how hard it is to cope. Also get in touch with the DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance); they have been incredibly helpful to me and many people I know. You can find them if you Google them.

Best of luck to you, and please keep us posted.

That could be a good idea to travel a bit.  Staying at hostels you could meet people there.  I think there is a website called "couchsurfing" where you can find people willing to give you a room for the night in your travels.

 Sugarfooties idea of joining support groups might work too.  It is something I have not done yet, but in the future I may join a depression support group.  It does sound like a good way to meet people who may be more sympathetic to your problems.

It might not be a bad idea to see a doctor about your depression before you make a drastic life change like that though, the leaving everything behind and travling part.

I felt the same way once and then someone said these very simple words to me: 'if you want to make a change do something different'.

Sounds obvious i know but the really simple truths in life are. So i did just that. Quit my job and did some thing completely different. In the process i also lost most of my money but do i regret it - no. Change can be painful, but that is the first step to finding what you want.

I have no real friends either I think the reason is becouse we are afraid to show how we feel and who we really are cause we dont want to be judged, we dont want people to think there is something wrong with us.  Depression is a hard thing to explain to someone who isnt dealing with it people think your weak and wonder why we dont just snap out of it but the truth is we cant. My boyfriend tells me " I get depressrd to  but I justmake my self feel better " He wonders why I dont just have fun but i cant I try and I cant!  I know there is something I can do but i dont know what I always wonder if I am going to feel this way forever.

I know exactly how you are feeling (I think), I feel alone in a room full of people and often wonder if I am sending out some kind of "don't get close to me" vibe of some sort.  That, and I can't seem to keep a conversation going or find topics in common with other people.  I sit in a university classroom in a discipline notorious for chatty, bubbly people and I feel like a square peg in a round world, people exchange short phrases but no one really wants to hang out with me and I can't figure out why.  I have moved around so many times thinking that the next place will make my life better, the next place will give me a new start, the next place I will be the popular girl....it never happens....because I'm the common denominator and I haven't sorted out my own baggage.  Hitting the road is an awesome idea, but don't do it until you are able to leave the baggage behind.  And then get a dog, they make great traveling companions!  Could maybe even bring it to work to keep you company?

I do not think people tell you this often enough: you are awesome!  Go follow your dreams because you sooo are worth it and God loves you.  I battle depression too, and am going to start taking my medicine again soon.  So, know that the better times are to come.

I know exactly what you mean about not being able to keep a conversation going, or finding interesting things to talk about.  It seems like in alot of conversations, I listen alot more than contribute, because I feel I have nothing to say or am not really interested in the topic.  

I understand what you are saying; I've been there.  For me, depression and boredom was because I was not living my truth and because I had false beliefs about myself, like - "I don't deserve the life I want",  - "I can't create the life I really want".  I felt powerless to change my life and so I felt depressed.   This is self doubt. Then I learned how to use the emotion (fear, anxiety, frozen emotion, frustration, crying) that was coming up, and ask myself, "What have I believed about myself that is not true about me?"  and I would talk to myself and express about those false belifes, expressing them all, sometimes with great emotions of anger, tears, frustration, etc.  After I had expressed it all, I would BRING IN THE TRUTH ABOUT ME, ABOUT ALL OF US.  THAT WE REALLY DO HAVE THE RIGHT AND THE POWER TO LIVE THE LIFE WE WANT TO LIVE THE WAY WE WANT TO LIVE IT - AND LIVE OUR LIVES FOR US!  It is a process, but if you keep working, you will feel better and better and have the courage to make the changes you desire and you will attract right relationships, money, your perfect work, and happiness.     

A quote i thought i'd share with everyone so no one gives up hope.

'The only time you don't want to fail is the last time you try'

by charles F kettering

This might be a bit late as i have just found this site.I to am going through what your going through but the only thing is im 17. i go to school everyday hopeing that maybe that one person just one person will talk to me and maybe we will become good friends, but it never happens, and when ever i try to get the courage to talk to someone i blow by negitively thinking that "Crap this conversation is going no where" or that i cant make a good convo with people. i also am suffering from depression which doesnt help also i am living in a shelter and i theres many other nice people here but i have no clue how to talk to them i start off by trying to say hi but my voice goes really high and i end up to sound like a girl, i also get very nervous and start sweating and the thing is if i am going to hit the road its going to be from out of the air, i really need help i just want friends and its extremely hard to make them. sorry for the ramble this helped a little to geet some of it off my chest.

I KNOW SOMEONE WHO FELT JUST LIKE YOU DO. HE DID HIT THE ROAD AND HE IS IN COLORADO LOVING LIFE. HE TOLD ME HE WOULD NEVER TURN BACK. AND HE WENT LITERALLY WITH THE BARE NECESSITIES. IF YOU HAVE THE FUNDS AND WHEN YOU GET THERE GO FIND A JOB YOU LOVE. HE WAS A PLUMBER AND NOW HE IS IN SCHOOL AND LOVING IT. HE IS A LONER WHO NOW HAS FRIENDS. I TALKED HIM OUT OF SUICIDE BEFORE AND HIS MOTHER IS ONE OF MY WORSE ENEMY. LONG STORY ON THE MOTHER. BUT I DID IT FOR HIM.....AND WE KEEP IN TOUCH. HE LOVES ANIMALS AND THEY HIS BABIES. GOOD LUCK!!!