I Battle Depression - Forum & Chat Board | What's the Worst Part About Depression?

I've been in a serious episode of depression for the past week. I've been trying to do things and just nothing is shaking this bottomless pit for me.

So with that being said...I was wondering what is the worst part of depression for you?

In my case it's the times when I can't promise I'll stay safe through the night...or feeling so deep and numb and not caring...

The worst part of depression is how badly it HURTS and I know pain because I broke my back and had surgery that took me a year to recover from. I'd rather take that hit(that physical pain) than become as depressed as I was for so long.At least the physical pain will go away.

I think the worst part for me is never knowing what is going to happen next.  I never know if a good period is going to last for any length of time and I never know if the worst of it is just never going to leave.  There are days when I wish I was just constantly miserable for at least then I could figure out a way to adapt.  The roller coaster of depression is not a lot of fun.

I agree the up and down is no fun, and the never knowing when it will stick it's damn head up and ruin what seems to be an OK time is rotten too, but for me, the very worst part is

1) having people tell you "Just get up, keep on going" Or "don't feel that way," or "quit complaining, there are lots of people that have it worse than you do. You just need to count your blessings."

2) No one UNDERSTANDS!!! And that hurts as bad as the depression.....

I agree with all you have said.  Nothing is more devastating that someone saying...cheer up, it will get better.  I have battled depression all my life.  Cymbalta has helped me but not anywhere enought.  The worst part for me is when the depression is so bad, and you can remember what it is like to feel good.  To have enthusiasm, and energy and hope.  Remembering that feeling and wondering if it was all just a dream or if you really did feel that way. 

For me the worst part is the hopelessness. It is horrible, I can't even put it into words. I just lose it over the stupidest things, and when I say lose it I mean LOSE it. I begin to sob and I just can't make it stop. I finally pass out and that is the only thing that makes it stop. I feel so out of control at those times. I just can't get control of myself and I can't calm myself down. It is horrible. And it feels like it will never end. I get so stuck in the moment and I can't ever see that there will be an end to the despair. I just can't put it into words. It is just so miserable.

MinervaEcho, you are so dead on. It is impossible to remember how feeling good felt. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to feel good. People say "just think happy thoughts" or "smile and fake it until you make it." How can I fake it if I don't even know what to fake? And if I knew it was as easy as thinking happy thoughts I would have painted happy thoughts on my house and car. It's not like it's fun being depressed. I would give anything to get out of the depression and a lot of times the only way I know to get out of it is death. And not knowing when it will end or if it will end is torture. It just seems like the rest of my life will be lived out in misery. And being Bipolar the ups are even bad. The mania is not fun either, at least to me it's not. I get very obsessive and compulsive when I am manic and that comes along with a lot of anxiety. I am a ******* mess.  

The worst part of my depression has been remembering when I wasn't depressed, when I DID things....anything but sit in front of my computer....when I did yard work, cleaned my house, walked my dogs, read, did crafts.....it's been years since I did those things. I recently read a short mystery book, but can't remember how long before that it's been that I actually finished reading a book. But I remember when I could read for hours at a time, lost in a book....and the thought "what if I really do never get back to being like that?" is just....horrifying....it's like losing yourself, losing who you are. Related to that is not even being able to start anything anymore because I can't face another unfinished book or project, can't face another failure like that. So I don't even try.

I do have a sort of second worst part of depression .... hearing my coworkers (who are really my only friends) talk about DOING things....being asked week after week, month after month, even year after year, "how was your weekend?" or "what did you do this weekend?" and always, always it's "nothing". Nothing. I just do nothing.

The worst part is not knowing when it is going to end. The pain, the constant tiredness, not wanting to get up in the morning. No matter how many people tell you to pull yourself together, nothing ever works. There are times when you are happy, but you know that its only temprary.

The worst thing for me is the feeling of failure.  When you get well again, and that old familiar feeling of gloom and hopelessness descends and you think "WTF?".  You wonder why, and where it came from, and you know how much work its going to take to climb back out of that hole. 

The very worst thing is that so many good good people suffer.  I hate that.

Well,honestly, everything about the depression is worst for me lol. I was diagnosed with depression at an early age,so I really don't remember that much before it. Nowadays, I feel like as soon as something great happens to me,I sink back into the bottomless pit of hopelessness. Now if I had to pick one worst thing about my depression,it would be the physical and mental pain. I hurt alot and sometimes,I don't get out of bed for hours. My head feels like it needs to get hit or something because I feel numb and stupid. That's weird to say,I know,but that's the only way it seems to explain it.

For me the scarest part of depression is the feeling I have of just letting go - it would be so easy.  Sometimes I feel I have already partially left this earth - the last step would be easy to just go. 

And then ia good period comes, and I wonder whatever was I thinking.  I want to enjoy my family and grandkids.  Go to concerts and plays, read and socialize.  However I fear in one of the down times I will take the final step and miss all that.

LeonaLeigh: Thanks for what you wrote about the worst part of this disease.  Remembering when I wasn't depressed is hard because all my activities were just an escape from so many things. But the reading for hours?  Getting lost in a book was the best escape for me and now, I just look at these books on my shelves that I would love to get into and won't.  I am afraid I won't finish them. 

I thought I had finally come out of a very long streak of depression and I now know that is not the case.  I wish I were able to keep going, no matter what.  I wish I could just look at myself in the mirror and know that I was really choosing to be happy or not.  I wish it were that easy.

So I have upped my meds and hope for the best.  I think that is the best I can do right now.

i agree. I hate when people say "oh lots of ppl are depressed" or "its just in ur head". when ppl dont take me seriously. it hurts.

The worst part for me is the endless eternal  hours of murky pain. Its like a howling tempest of murk.I have bad anxiety and insomnia as well so it is a rare moment when it lets up. Also trying not to lose my job makes it even more stressfull.Loss of awareness is devistating as well. Its no wonder it can be fatal.

 For me, the worst part of depression is when I remember when I was happy all around; I had a boyfriend, I was doing well with my grades, no family problems, and I was doing phenominal in theater. And then that all goes away and you sit and look at yourself and you say "if I just had all those things back I could be happy".

But then reality sets back in and you say "if only that is possible"

"if only"

The worst part for me is not being in control and not knowing how long it's going to last this time.  I am also terrified of the effects that my episodes have on my children (11m, 11m, 14f, 17m, 19m, 19f.)  I try explaining to them but as you all know it's hard for anyone to understand who hasn't gone through depression.  I change meds every so often because they eventually don't work.  Right now i'm on Effexor and so far so good.  I just wish this was just a matter of willpower.  I would not have any problem then.  My heart goes out to you all who share in this terrible affliction.  I can only suggest a change in meds like myself when things seem to get bad and uncontrollable.

I never get anything done.  Every once and a while, I have a good day, and I come up with all these plans for what I want to do.  And then it's gone, and I'm too tired, or too miserable, or too lonely.  So I sit at home and read fanfiction for 6 hours at a time.  Because it's easier than living.

The worst part for me is when that dark cloud arrives and wont leave. That is when I dont want to live. I have the hardest time just getting out of bed to get dressed. Reaching out for help can be difficult too.

Being depressed is like being isolated on an island. No one cares. No one sees. No one understands. Human beings would feel this in a single or several times in their life. We can never avoid this from happening. Believe that if we are depressed now, it will later pass. Think of the positive things in life and do not lose hope.