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I Battle Existential Depression

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 299 People

    Need More Treatment Ideas Please!

    I have been depressed since I was around 12yrs old (I'm now 30) and have been on every silly medication known to man since I was around 18. A few hospital stays and suicide attempts later I do not seem to b making much progress. I'm hoping you guys can help me... My depression...
    iamnotmypast iamnotmypast 26-30, F 6 Responses Aug 7, 2009

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    New Convert, Newly Depressed - Is There Any Hope?

    Hi everyone, About a year and a half ago I lost my faith in God. I was never very religious, although I did believe in some sort of higher power that I would pray to and that made me feel like life was comfortable, meaningful, and fair. However, once I definitively realized I...
    whiteguy91 whiteguy91 22-25 2 Responses Oct 14, 2013

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    I am a seventeen year old boy.

    I have suffered from existential depression for a few years, but it only started hitting me hard about a year ago. It all began with me asking the most intelligent question: why? "Jacob, do your homework!" "I already know the stuff. I'll get an A on the test and a B in...
    metagross metagross 18-21, M 10 Responses Jun 13, 2014

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    Fears

    I use to be quite religious, until I had some experiences that made me question god's existence. Afterwards I started to have fears that I can't control, I stay up late, then sudden thoughts of death just went over me. I began getting bored with life, studies i ask myself if...
    introvertedlife introvertedlife 18-21, F 4 Responses Aug 20, 2013

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    CelestialThallium CelestialThallium 18-21, M 2 Responses Mar 17, 2014

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    At A Point Where I Question Everything.

    I know I'm suffering with something, I goggled types of depression and I existential depression sums it up. I constantly question what is my purpose. Its been so bad, I question my every action or want now. Although I have studied well and have 2 degrees, I constantly wonder if...
    Empathink Empathink 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 13, 2013

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    One Day, Existence Just Didn't Make Sense

    I have an exact date range for when my troubles with existentialism started. December 25 2007- January 7 2008. I received and read a book that touched on some major philosophy ideas, about existence, morality, freewill, communism, existence of god, where the universe came from...
    anomienous anomienous 22-25, M 1 Response Jan 5, 2013

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    The night before I started writing this,

    I watched a movie called The Road with Viggo Mortensen on Netflix. For those who haven't seen it or read the book (which I only learned existed when I mentioned the movie to my therapist earlier today), the story follows a father and son who struggle to survive in a post...
    kalicko kalicko 26-30, M 2 Responses Mar 11, 2014

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    If I Can't Find A Meaning To This Fearful Life, I'll Become The Enemy Of Mankind

    It is not existence itself (in the sense of conscious experience) that is the malign ulcer I seek to identify here. It is human nature, even extensive to our deficient social institutions, that are to be taken as enemy. In the face of it, our propping up of such failed...
    Madej Madej 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 24, 2012

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    My Cross

    At one point in my life I was a pretty gifted artist. I was accepted in to CIA right out of high school on scholarship, but my mother wouldn't let me go. I wanted to be one of those rebellious children that took charge of my own life once I'd chosen my path, but my mother was a...
    MelMel68 MelMel68 31-35, F 2 Responses Jul 30, 2013

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    I want more than most people,

    I am entirely unfulfilled by existence. Almost depressed by it. Useless existence to me is not any better than no existence at all. If someone can't mean something, advance themselves or others. There is no value in their life. Especially if they are fickle and hurt other people...
    Em518 Em518 13-15, F 1 Response Oct 30, 2014

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    Existential Depression

    I thought I'd start a group for all those who suffer from existential depression to find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone.  For those wondering what it is: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2008/what-is-existential-depression/ I think my existential depression...
    dan888 dan888 26-30, M 6 Responses Jun 14, 2009

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    Ayahuasca Cures Depression

    Ayahuasca. it is a medicine that has existed for thousands of years. It is made in the rain-forest. It must be taken with a shaman, who is not motivated by greed and self-gain. If you suffer from any form of depression, Ayahuasca can cure you. Take a minute to read my story...
    AlexLight101 AlexLight101 22-25, M 2 Responses Mar 17, 2013

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    The Crushing Realization

    It started when I lost my faith in God. And it was slow, and crept up on me, and strangled me softly at first. Simple doubts about a divine creator turned into an agonizing certainty and overwhelming fear that turned me into an insomniac, gave me relentless anxiety attacks. I...
    SublimeMarrow SublimeMarrow 18-21, F 4 Responses Jul 8, 2012

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    I am new, and have done a rubbish job of

    commenting so far. I am not really sure this site is for me, I no longer battle ExDep. But I know how much it hurts, and I wish there had been someone, anyone who understood it when I was experiencing it. It's awful, but if my experience can be helpful to someone, that's...
    jamaiscommelesoiseaux jamaiscommelesoiseaux 26-30 Feb 15, 2014

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    Sometimes I feel that all my perceptions about

    everyone and everything is wrong and I feel like my entire life is a lie.
    ayang1150 ayang1150 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 20, 2014

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    Severe Depression- What Is This Life?

    I have battled depression, severe anxiety and paranoia since I was a small child. Way too young to know what existentialism or cognitive dissonance meant, but old and intelligent enough to know that I was very uncomfortable here on this earth and inside this body. I didn't get it...
    kizzyrenee kizzyrenee 31-35, F 6 Responses Sep 13, 2012

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    I'm really trying not to have an existential

    breakdown right now... I've been through a couple of them and they suck... Nothing changes...you can either accept your issues or learn and broaden your perspective... And then move on! I really hope I can bate it off... Oh well... Here goes something...
    Shoutittotheworld23 Shoutittotheworld23 26-30, M 2 Responses Mar 6, 2014

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    Continuing my last post.

    I've arrived at the point where I am now working and nothing else basically and these issues and questions are coming up again. Why? What is the point of this? I'm working at a nursery that does high end landscaping. It's hard. 10 hour days in up to 105 degree heat. Hour...
    KnaisGuy KnaisGuy 22-25, M Aug 15, 2014

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    Twenty Years of Flailing

    I was first told I was depressed at college. I was nineteen. I went to the doctor - got little time and a prescription to an anti-depressant. I guessed, at the time, that this was all a GP could do in the middle of dealing with so many students. The drug was wrong for me and led...
    Shymer Shymer 36-40, M 10 Responses Jul 28, 2009

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    An Existential Crisis?

    Thanks to Dan for providing this message board as a means to share one's experiences with Existential Depression. I don't have the financial means to seek out a therapist who specializes in this arena. This is very new territory to me, and existential depression is a self...
    Autumn1969 Autumn1969 41-45 3 Responses Aug 6, 2012

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    Nietzsche Is Making My Soul Sick

    I first encountered existential depression after reading Thus Spoke Zarathustra in my philosophy class. Before even opening the book, I instinctively knew what it was going to be about. I knew it was going to be an upheaval of morals, and an upheaval of God, which would lead to...
    Bupsy Bupsy 18-21, M 5 Responses May 1, 2013

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    Not so alone now. Thank you,

    whoever made this site. I have been wishing I would die since I was around 12 years old for really no reason at all. I can't tell you why, I just feel that way. I never understokod them, they never understood me. Like, bullies. They say something mean about you and, what? Do you...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Mar 20, 2014

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    CelestialThallium CelestialThallium 18-21, M 2 Responses Jan 15, 2014

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    My name is Donald and I am 24 years old.

    I am two classes short of my bachelors degree in Parks and Recreation Management. I've been married for 5.5 years, we recently moved from a small town into Oklahoma City. I've taken this semester off to take a break from school because the grind is driving me absolutely nuts...
    KnaisGuy KnaisGuy 22-25, M 2 Responses Aug 15, 2014

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    I don't care if you read my story

    or not. If you are suffering from Existential Depression and feeling isolated in your struggle, write about it here. Write exactly what you feel about it. Don't give the watered down crap you give other people. Talk about exactly what it means to you. This is the most true...
    limitingmypotential limitingmypotential 22-25, M 2 Responses Feb 7

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    You guys all seem to be on the same page.

    Why don't we all come together over the most awesome/obvious idea there is? Promoting the scientific discovery on a quantum level that allows us to answer these questions that haunt our lives.....why are we in these weird meat suits on a planet suspended by God knows what in...
    Matteo3 Matteo3 31-35 2 Responses Dec 29, 2014

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    Want This World To Be Happy Place

    hello friends , i am medical practioner by profession i want to share some medical fact and mystery to be happy always 1) we all are destined to be happy and prosperous, but y most of them are not happy? ans- actually we all search a happiness in something which is of some...
    chokien chokien 22-25 Oct 3, 2013

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    I've been struggling with this topic

    for many years now. I guess the earliest memories of the big question date back to the about the age of 12, around the time my grandma died. I was told I was an intelligent child, full of brains but also quite the nightmare behaviourally. My teachers at high school said I could...
    tokenmale tokenmale 31-35, M 3 Responses Jan 2

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    Existential Depression In My Life

    I was diagnosed with major depression at the age of 12. Since then I have been on lots of different medications just trying to find what works. I have suffered with bouts of extreme depression, and I have attempted suicide. I never felt like the definition of major depression...
    jenn1800 jenn1800 18-21, F 2 Responses Aug 24, 2010

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    What Am I?

    I defined myself as an ambitious IT professional. That has been taken away from me by my sickness. What am I?
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Nov 5, 2013

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    Story Of My Life...

    I've dealt with this all my life, but its been more of a process of peeling away layers until I have now  'exposed' my existential depression.  In the past I was able to cope well with it, or moreover I had no idea the concept of 'existential depression' existed but I...
    dizzybats dizzybats 18-21 4 Responses May 27, 2010

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    Not Really A "battle"...it Just Is :)

    the meaning of life)Hello!  I ran across this site while looking to apologize to someone about being who I am, or the person that I am.  complicated, but of course you all reading this certainly understand :).  So I'm glad I found this group.  I only...
    ThankUpages ThankUpages 41-45, M 2 Responses May 5, 2010

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    I feel like the foundation of my world has

    suddenly fallen out right from underneath my unsuspecting feet. I saw a fairly depressing movie a few months ago and ever since I haven't been able to think of anything that didn't relate to existentialism and the meaning (if any) of life. At first, having suffered from clinical...
    waxpoeticwaxpathetic waxpoeticwaxpathetic 22-25, F 3 days ago

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    One Big Fat Cliché ~ My Childhood - Today

    This is the first story I've shared on here so I'm not exactly sure how it works. However, my main reason for signing up for this was because of my existential depression. I am very young and have had a lot of family troubles, like most. When I was 5, my mother left my father for...
    thisisashittyusername thisisashittyusername 16-17, F 3 Responses Dec 26, 2012

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    I've battled existential depression ever

    since I college. I'm in my mid 40's now and I'd hoped somehow it'd get easier. It hasn't. It doesn't help that I'm alone in life; unmarried, no kids. I often wonder if having a family would help with this type of depression. I wonder what the point of it all is? If we live and...
    decaffnm decaffnm 41-45, M 1 Response Dec 28, 2014

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    The Life And Afterlife - Why

    Firstly, I would like to say hello to everyone!I would like to start with saying something that you already know as well.  None of our lives will matter in the end.Here is a little about me:I am a 39 year old (40 in two weeks - inching closer to the inevitable) father of 2.  I...
    moosemessier moosemessier 36-40 14 Responses May 23, 2011

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    My existential depression is particularly bad

    today. It snowed overnight, just enough to make things icy, not enough to really make things beautiful. I had an appointment with my therapist to start up therapy again but re-scheduled. Now I'm at home, going into my rigid routine of things to keep my anxiety and sadness at bay...
    decaffnm decaffnm 41-45, M 2 Responses Jan 3

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    Want You To Be Happy Always

    i am not a spirutual teller. i just want to help you out . i am medical student,so i just wana help you out, i have magic thought which will make you happier for whole of your life. 1) belief is the mother all the consequence which you face in your life, if u belief that u r not...
    chokien chokien 22-25 Oct 2, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    I am finally losing the battle with depression. I don't fear death anymore. and if someone were to hold a gun to my head I would probably just laugh and tell them to pull the...
    lostguy19892014 lostguy19892014 22-25, M 1 Response Feb 5

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    The crippling feeling & constant battle with depression where sleep is my only salvation 😔 quietly whispering to my mind, "let me be at peace".
    TheHeartOfALovingSoul TheHeartOfALovingSoul 22-25, M 1 Response Feb 15

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    It's a battle one that I must conquer. I'm improving daily yet sometimes it hits me in the face like a nice hard slap. It's okay sometimes I just need a bad day and than reboot...
    AfanOfbigNaturals AfanOfbigNaturals 41-45, M Feb 16

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    I'm 31 years old and have battled with depression for as long as I can remember. I have thought about suicide almost every day although never actually tried. I expected my life to...
    xxangeleyes81xx xxangeleyes81xx 31-35, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    I not only bettle depression I battle low self image! I am so frustrated how guys tend to base a girl on what she looks like when we all get older and ugly with age your wife you...
    MichaelaG MichaelaG 26-30, F 3 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    I had a brief lucid dream last night. :) I cannot help but take it as a sign that the end of my depression is in sight. It is amazing to me that I would recognize a dream as a...
    JoannaBe JoannaBe 41-45, F 5 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    I suffer major depression and social anxiety from age 14 to about 20 in those years I never went out in public not even a liquor store I was so I'll in my mind and just wanted to...
    arthuralferez arthuralferez 31-35, M 1 Response 51 mins ago