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I Battle Self-hatred, Anxiety, And Depression

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,941 People

    My dream is to prove everyone wrong.

    My goal is for everyone's eyes to be wide open with their expressions on their faces full of surprise and their mouths wide open. I'll impress them all. My wish is for everything to be different. I'll have more respect, people wouldn't think less of me, I'll be proud of...
    torr62 torr62 13-15, F Jan 4

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    so here it is... been lied to all my life,

    lost friends that could have been my best friends my whole life to misunderstanding and suicide and stupid ******* wars... I know what your gonna say... "that's life suck it up and move on." and you would be right, but you would be Illrational and insensitive... and that's...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 1 Response Feb 22

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    so... another week to pass

    and the only thing stopping my memory from all the triggers are these blasted pills. easy to overdose on them just cause that is what they are designed to do to hold the mind at still... but I'm still shattered inside. and there are times I'll cry from the pain. I'll talk to...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 3 Responses Jan 29

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    These last couple of days have been the worst

    of my life, I found a lump in my underarm, I was worried but enough to go to the doc, but not that much. Cancer goes in my family, but I mean I'm 21.. I didn't seriously think of it. My sister yelled at me and called me a bunch of things for worrying enough to even go to the doc...
    lily449 lily449 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I constantly battle my anxiety.

    Right now I have so much on my plate, that I don't even know where to begin and I can feel the tension and anxiety building up inside of me. When this happens I tend to sit around doing nothing because I don't even know where to start....eventually the anxiety builds up so much...
    flightlessbird314 flightlessbird314 22-25, F 2 Responses Mar 25, 2014

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    Going to the Dr tomorrow morning to have my

    medication switched hopefully :) for those who don't know I've been battling depression for a few years now I've attempted suicide many times but never went all the way through with it I always pretend to smile and be happy so u guys wouldn't have to worry about me but I wantto...
    rainyday10 rainyday10 22-25, M 1 Response Mar 3

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    Life

    I someone times feel low, lower the lowest thing i can think of...and i know i shouldnt but i can't help it. I start to think awful thoughts about myself and i know i dont believe them or atleast that i shouldnt but again i can't help it. Most of the time i just put on some...
    Jwolf1342 Jwolf1342 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 27, 2013

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    I'm in bed for the night

    and all that I can think about is how sad I am. Today I went to therapy and made a treatment plan, but also had to make a crisis plan for if I try to hurt or kill myself. I have to share it with my sister and brother in law tomorrow and I don't look forward to it. We lost my dad...
    Cranksta Cranksta 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 13, 2014

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    Staying Strong

    I wanted to write this because I want to connect with other people that suffer from anxiety and the depression/self-hatred package. In addition I want to give people hope. I'm not completely better, I still struggle, and I still hurt. But, I want others to know that you can keep...
    TinyArtist TinyArtist 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 16, 2013

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    I can't stop them. The whispers.

    .. I never will. They're devouring me completely, stripping me from every ounce of happiness. Plunging me deeper into the darkness...
    Meloryne Meloryne 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 17

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    My bestfriend, was put into a mental hospital

    earlier today. He's been battling depression his whole life and was put into a hospital because of his 'monsters' as in the voices he hears and the things he sees, I'm extremely scared, I suffer from depression also, I have the monsters too, he's my happiness, and now he's gone...
    xxprincessguppiexx xxprincessguppiexx 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 1

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    I have nothing and no one to live for.

    I'm scared to be around people my age because they'll judge me. No one cares and never will.
    hreinn hreinn 18-21, M Mar 17

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    I don't know what to do anymore.

    . First of my apologies for my English, it all started when the civil war started in my "motherland" we had to leave my father behind, because we could not afford for him to come as well. We travelled to a neighbouring country with my paternal grandmother and my paternal aunts...
    Ms90cupcake Ms90cupcake 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 9

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    I started cutting. Two little lines

    and that's all it took. They hurt a bit but it felt good. I feel better.
    Cranksta Cranksta 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 18

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    I'm having another bad night.

    I miss my boyfriend so much that it hurts and it's brought everything else up to the surface. Everything hurts. Even the momentary bouts of happiness hurts. It hurts waking up everyday knowing that the one person who was supposed to love you the most enjoyed making and watching...
    Cranksta Cranksta 18-21, F Feb 23

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    I just wanna die, everything would be all better

    if I just didn't exist. I can't do life anymore. I wish I was dead, I wish I had never been born.
    fucksunshine fucksunshine 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 4

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    "We are all mad here.

    " "But do you know I am mad?" "You must be. Or else you never will have came here."
    GreenManley GreenManley 18-21, M 1 Response Dec 22, 2014

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    I'm feeling down again.

    I swear everyone thinks I'm crazy and I'm not worth anything. It's so hard to hold in my emotions to avoid stressing others out. My mom thinks I have no friends and that no one would possibly be friends with a fool like me unless to make fun of me. She only sides with me if I...
    HowArtThou HowArtThou 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 19

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    I broke up with my boyfriend

    because we keep fighting and it became an addiction. We weren't happy. We couldn't make each other happy. And after we broke up he said; I don't love you that much anymore. I don't love you that much anymore. I don't love you that much anymore. I don't love you that much...
    phoebechan phoebechan 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 3

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    I think my depression is getting worse.

    .. I haven't been able to think, there's this voice in my head telling me everyone hates me, I've been having mood swings and my temper is getting a lot worse. I can't put 2 and 2 together anymore and my art has gotten worse. I feel no better than that Chris Chan *******. Doesn't...
    HowArtThou HowArtThou 18-21, F Feb 14

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    Monsters do not sleep under your bed,

    they sleep inside your head...
    Meloryne Meloryne 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 2

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    There are times like these

    where I'm just waiting for the storm to pass and I don't feel like trying. I don't want to do anything but cry. This emptiness in my heart is getting bigger and travels to my throat from holding in my screams for so long. I could go on and on about why I'm feeling this way...
    torr62 torr62 13-15, F 1 Response Feb 10

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    nohopekid nohopekid 18-21, M 1 Response Feb 25

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    every lasting fight with my mind,

    over my body. its like a battlefield over middle. only with advance modern weapons. the bombs dropping all around, the small arms fire suppressing my every movement, the artillery of warship and howies never letting up. every hour of everyday, it pounds at you. than the...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 1 Response Jan 7

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    I was diagnosed BPD for 3years.

    the feeling of empty and depressed become more and more ,it's overwhelming .is there anyone has the same issues or can understand it?i think I am breaking down.
    lesliechen lesliechen 22-25, F 2 Responses Mar 17

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    Self Reflections My skin is not a tough armor,

    its too thin and easily broken. The air i am inhaling is attenuating with each gasp for breath. My shins are quivering and small hairline fractures litter their outer most layers from too many end of my ropes falls to my knees. The heart that beats within my rib cage is tattered...
    writingmyrelease writingmyrelease 26-30, F 12 Responses Feb 2

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    And now that familiarly uncomfortable part of

    the night begins, where I question everything and feel it all slip away. I start this night the same way I start every night, deciding wether or not to wake up tomorrow morning
    nohopekid nohopekid 18-21, M Nov 21, 2014

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    Spring time is always

    so hard for me. Not as bad this year as others - thankfully - but this time of year I get very quiet, sullen and all I want to do is disappear. I start to get anxious about leaving the house - people might see me. my mood, internally, is like a roller coaster between nervous...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Mar 28, 2014

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    The anxiety is taking over,

    I feel as if I can barely breath, not organize a single thought or action, and I'm so, so tired.
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce 41-45, F 5 Responses Dec 5, 2014

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    It's like one step forward

    and two steps back, and no matter what I do or how hard I try I'm never good enough. I'm so tired.... tired of people saying they care and they don't, tired of people coming into my life and leaving like it's nothing but more over I'm tired of being me. I cry myself to sleep for...
    keke1432 keke1432 18-21, F Mar 5

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    It gets harder and harder to get out of bed

    every day. I have so much to live for and be happy about, but I just can't. I hate my body, I hate myself. Why can't I do what I know I need to do...I just want to sleep. This isn't fair. How do I fix this??????
    salyerwife salyerwife 26-30, F Mar 19

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    hills to to march over,

    battles to fight, and wars to be won or lose... you told me to keep fighting, but than you refuse to answer my text, you beg me to make promises. and I told you I don't make promises I can't keep. you told me you love me, but where are you now? the tears ran down my face, the...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 2 Responses Feb 1

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    It Hurts So Good I had noticed,

    that you'd cut your legs, skin as well as hair, while trying to shave, but you cut me as well, with that razor blade, so I show you my heart's scars, that were once made, for some reason, somewhat indescribable, seeing the blood, in the bathroom receptacle, dotted upon a...
    AaronLA AaronLA 31-35, M 1 Response Dec 28, 2014

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    life is both beautiful

    and cruel. some people can be shallow or willfully ignorant and limit their feelings to surface emotion. A sunny day, a good meal or intimate relations make everything good. for others we see how we are trapped in our own minds. we see other bright souls and long to reach...
    ArnoldJRimmer ArnoldJRimmer 46-50, M 3 Responses Feb 8

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    emiliaalice emiliaalice 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 4

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    Hate

    No one can hate me more than I hate myself. This is the life that I lead. Full of self loathing and inadequacies. I don't live at all.
    CaptainPeachFuzz CaptainPeachFuzz 31-35, T 1 Response Feb 9, 2013

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    I'm a large woman and I've tried

    so many times to loose weight but I can never really commit to it. Lately I've been thinking that maybe if I forgave all of the people who teased me and tore down in school that I could move on. but how do you forgive the biggest hurt you've ever felt. how do you stop believing...
    beautybehindthefat beautybehindthefat 18-21, F 7 Responses Nov 22, 2014

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    So lately I haven't really been feeling 100%.

    I know most of my other posts were really cheerful but I guess I was just trying to hide how I really felt with all that, why? I don't even know. My 'best friend' and I don't really talk as often as we used to, it seems like ill have to be the one who starts the conversation...
    PensiveEuphoria PensiveEuphoria 16-17, F Jul 15, 2014

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    Triad

    It is interesting to me that self-hatred is listed first. The latter is a main cause or, at least, prolonger of the anxiety and depression that resides... in me. Past events and ideas do influence the aforementioned. However, if I could find the will and means to love myself, I...
    DustToAshes DustToAshes 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 2, 2011

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    I don't want to kill myself,

    I want someone/something to do it for me so I don't hurt my loved ones.
    Undreaaaa Undreaaaa 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 14

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    I Hate Me!!!

    We've all been there self loathing and wishing we weren't born... You question self and wonder if you should just end it!!! I know... I've tried several times since I was 12 yrs old! Believe it or not... There IS a purpose in you being with us... When you stop the self sabotage...
    Shewolfiie69 Shewolfiie69 36-40, F 7 Responses May 22, 2013

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    Have you ever had days

    that you feel like you deserve everything that you're feeling? It's not exactly suicidal, but just knowing that you've ****** your life up so much that nothing could ever be the same? Just the idea of "relationships" makes you shudder. You're going to **** it up, somehow. You...
    HarleyQuinn326 HarleyQuinn326 22-25, F 2 Responses Nov 24, 2014

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    I think I'm a mistake

    and that no one will miss me if I was gone. I harmed myself before just because it felt like no one noticed me anymore and that caused me too be depressed
    Honey2babie Honey2babie 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 15

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    I Hate Me, I Hate It And I Hate Them.

    I have no friends. This is no overreaction , when I say I have no friends I mean everyone is avoiding me. With drug and sexuality rumours circulating about me I don't blame them. It still makes me angry. I can't even wait in line for food , my palms get sweaty , I can't...
    ThanksForTheMemories ThanksForTheMemories 16-17, F Nov 6, 2013

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    I've been dealing with this

    for over 10 years now, most of this time I have been in a dark hole. It went as far as me losing all hope and even forgetting who I am, who I used to be before my depression. Recently I have been able to see some light. It's not easy, and I have bad days but I have after 10...
    lily449 lily449 18-21, F Mar 6

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    I'm not okay. I'm never going to be okay.

    It's hard going through life pretending you are happy but then crying behind close doors... When am I ever going to get this dark cloud away from me and just for once be happy like really happy...
    itslala840 itslala840 18-21, F Mar 17

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