I Battle Self-hatred, Anxiety, And Depression

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,589 People

    This is my first time posting on here,

    I thought I would give it a try and see if it helps. I've been battling depression and anxiety for four years. However, recently things have been escalating with my mood swings, anger, and sadness. I'm starting to feel like I'm taking my feelings out on others and start to...
    camile579 camile579
    18-21, F
    1 Response Jun 23, 2015

    It has been a long struggle,

    but I feel like I am finally starting to make positive changes in my life. I hope that things will be great from here on out.
    ErraticSarcastic ErraticSarcastic
    31-35, F
    3 Responses Nov 2, 2015

    its one of those days

    where I can't control my anxiety. It comes out of nowhere and makes me feel so helpless. these symptoms are killing me. I just want all these body aches and headaches to go away.I want to control them better but I don't know how.
    dahomie1 dahomie1
    22-25, M
    8 Responses Dec 7, 2015

    Do you ever just feel like you are going to cry

    but the tears just aren't gonna come through? well right now I'm absolutely suffering in that painful state of mixed emotions and having the feeling and fear of the ability of losing control of myself. This scars me. Where everything ok one minute and the next the whole world is...
    unbound97 unbound97
    18-21, F
    Sep 12, 2015

    My story isn't as bad

    as most people's but I still suffer from it so.... When I was ten years old my parents started fighting a lot. More than ever. They threw things. yelled, chased each other, threated to hit one another. It was bad and in the eyes of a ten year old, she wanted to disappear. During...
    Littlemiss02 Littlemiss02
    13-15, F
    Apr 27, 2015

    Spring time is always

    so hard for me. Not as bad this year as others - thankfully - but this time of year I get very quiet, sullen and all I want to do is disappear. I start to get anxious about leaving the house - people might see me. my mood, internally, is like a roller coaster between nervous...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Mar 28, 2014

    Do u ever feel sad even

    when ur happy? Like I can be cool, complacent, calm but the feeling of self hatred is so strong that even when I'm happy I still wanna put a bullet through my skull.
    quietlucy quietlucy
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Mar 14

    I rode an hour and a half on my bike a little

    while ago, barely registering everything I passed. I couldn't get out of this misery I was in, I just wanted it to all stop but it wouldn't. I kept riding and noticed I was nearing my friends neighborhood, that's when the anxiety set in. I kept going in that direction, I didn't...
    KittySoules KittySoules
    22-25, T
    Feb 29

    I have been cutting for almost three years in

    two months. I met my best friend three years tomorrow. I never even thought of cutting till I met her. she WAS a cutter. She managed to get out of cutting befor it got bad, me on the otherhand........well u get the idea. I also have depression, I carry my razor every where I go...
    100BlackRoses 100BlackRoses
    16-17, F
    1 Response Aug 14, 2015

    I crave having a true

    and genuine connection with a person. Working through my mental health problems is helping, but sometimes I just can't help but feel like I'm wasting away alone. Even when I'm not, the social experiences I have are surface level and artificial. I know that dealing with normal...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Dec 6, 2015

    I get so emotional reading everyone's stories.

    I understand what you're all going through
    ilseoceansoul ilseoceansoul
    18-21, F
    1 Response Feb 19

    The anxiety is taking over,

    I feel as if I can barely breath, not organize a single thought or action, and I'm so, so tired.
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Dec 5, 2014

    I'm 21 never had a job,

    I have anxiety and depression,I have suicidal thought,I have 1 friend at the moment, I'm scarred of driving cars, I've had multiple job offers but had too much anxiety to go back and give the jobs a try after getting the jobs. I would describe myself of having an avoidant...
    levrier levrier
    22-25, F
    5 Responses Apr 21, 2015

    probably care not to be seen by anyone

    but a girl and her family caused this to happen to me at just 15/16 years old. I can't sleep well, relax or have fun when the brainwashing made me paranoid and scared of everything. I want help. I want hugs. I want phone calls. And I can blame the reesby-johnsons for being a...
    DelusionalWolf DelusionalWolf
    18-21, M
    3 Responses Sep 20, 2015

    what do you do when you feel your soul is full

    of sorrow, when you feel so inadequate, when you feel you don't belong, or that maybe you're a maladjusted adult and you're going to stay that way all your life and die alone, when you feel so hopeless, want to leave/quit but can't, so you have to keep living thinking maybe your...
    steph986 steph986
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Mar 14

    I am still waiting to see the psychiatrist.

    My dr thinks it may take a while for me to get in. so im afraid that my dad thinks i'm not serious about this and I am. i say my dad because i told him what was going on and he lives a long way away and i want him to know im serious and not just putting it off because im not. i...
    DaydreamingSleepwalker DaydreamingSleepwalker
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Mar 3

    I tried to live with out my depression

    medication( dr told me to come off it), but I have to go back on it. I feel like I failed, it is I just can not live with out it. Maybe my doctor and I will try again next year. I was one medication for 19 years off of it for 2 weeks. Oh well I tried, and failed, but learned...
    nevets68 nevets68
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Mar 2

    When I look in the mirror,

    what stares back disgusts me. Everything from my face to my body is repulsive in my eyes. I can't understand why people think I am beautiful and things like that. When I disagree with someone complimenting me, they think it's me fishing for compliments, but it's not. I just...
    ShadowsOfJade ShadowsOfJade
    13-15, F
    1 Response Mar 21

    People WITHOUT depression: " God,

    I'm so depressde." People WITH depression: " I'm fine, I'm just tired." It's not always that noticeable!
    Amani95 Amani95
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Aug 15, 2015

    And now that familiarly uncomfortable part of

    the night begins, where I question everything and feel it all slip away. I start this night the same way I start every night, deciding wether or not to wake up tomorrow morning
    nohopekid nohopekid
    18-21, M
    1 Response Nov 21, 2014

    I tried therapy about 5-6 months ago.

    I went on medication... then I just stopped taking my meds in January, and I stopped going to therapy. I still see my psychologist, but I lie to her about the anti-depressants. I don't want to take meds, but at the same time, there's this one medication that I'm on that for ADD...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Mar 22

    Self Reflections My skin is not a tough armor,

    its too thin and easily broken. The air i am inhaling is attenuating with each gasp for breath. My shins are quivering and small hairline fractures litter their outer most layers from too many end of my ropes falls to my knees. The heart that beats within my rib cage is tattered...
    writingmyrelease writingmyrelease
    26-30, F
    10 Responses Feb 2, 2015

    https://www.facebook.

    com/PeterShankman/videos/10153316517426674/ Worth a Listen for you Fran mwah .
    Francescaaaa Francescaaaa
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Feb 20

    None of my friends understand.

    They think I'm attention-seeking and exaggerating, it's really hurtful and makes me feel really suicidal. I don't know how to make them understand my issues are valid and I'm struggling. I think it may be impossible. I wish I had different people in my life but I'm too anxious...
    NaomilyShipper NaomilyShipper
    13-15, F
    5 Responses Sep 15, 2015

    I Hate Me!!!

    We've all been there self loathing and wishing we weren't born... You question self and wonder if you should just end it!!! I know... I've tried several times since I was 12 yrs old! Believe it or not... There IS a purpose in you being with us... When you stop the self sabotage...
    Shewolfiie69 Shewolfiie69
    36-40, F
    6 Responses May 22, 2013

    Soooooo... I could write every little detail in

    here but the "keyboard" on my phone annoys me, so I'll give you the short version. I got bullied all my life wich led to attempted suicide at the age of 15. Then there was that new dude in school and we became friends (I still wonder how I did this). Sadly I became what I hated...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    4 Responses Aug 21, 2015

    Yeah, I believe the nice people here

    that say that this will be better soon. But it's a dream that I haven't seen yet. Im chasing a dream that I haven't dreamed yet, but they say I will meet it half way if I keep on walking on....and that I'll know it when I see it walking....(moving forward) I can't keep waiting...
    DaydreamingSleepwalker DaydreamingSleepwalker
    41-45, F
    1 Response Mar 14

    I can't stop them. The whispers.

    .. I never will. They're devouring me completely, stripping me from every ounce of happiness. Plunging me deeper into the darkness...
    Meloryne Meloryne
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 17, 2015

    I'm so tore up tonight,

    I don't see hope all I see is hurting and no one can hear me. I'm a dead man walking and no one else knows it yet.
    quietlucy quietlucy
    26-30, F
    Feb 22

    13 days. It's been thirteen days

    since I last harmed myself.... And I should be proud.. But I'm not. I had the urge to cut again last night, and I told him about it.... He talked me out of it (not fully though, but I decided that I wasn't going to harm myself). I know that he cares,..... And that's the...
    Almostmadeit Almostmadeit
    16-17, F
    11 Responses Jan 23

    Hi! I'm new to all of this,

    but I just wanted to drop by and say something to all of you. You are beautiful, you are worthy and you should know that I believe in you! Some people thinks that having anxiety and depression is so normal that people who has it doesn't need help. They may think it's such a...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Aug 31, 2015

    Here is my Facebook post from today.

    .. I could care less what today is. If there was no tomorrow it would not brother me.
    nevets68 nevets68
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Mar 17

    "We are all mad here.

    " "But do you know I am mad?" "You must be. Or else you never will have came here."
    GreenManley GreenManley
    18-21, M
    1 Response Dec 22, 2014

    Its like a never ending battle in my head I

    suffered from depression for most of my life I think since I was 12 I am currently 20 years old. Sadly I didn't grow up in the best environment there were good times but also abuse that haunted me for a long time. People have taken advantage of my helpless state but ive come to...
    FallingRose FallingRose
    18-21, F
    6 Responses Mar 2

    For all of you out there

    who struggle daily with any of these, I want to let you know I'm here for you. I was never in deep enough to have to take meds or go to therapy. My self confidence is still 8 ft. in the ground, but I'm slowly getting better. I realized that tattoos and piercings made me feel...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Mar 29

    I feel like my anxiety

    and depression makes me so unpleasant to be around. I feel like my friends should hate me, or at least avoid me like an STD in my current state, maybe some of them do, maybe all them want to. I don't want to be like this, I don't even want to be alive, i'm just so sick of this...
    KittySoules KittySoules
    22-25, T
    1 Response Feb 19

    It's always a Catch-22.

    Them: "If you're so depressed, why are you putting on a front and pretending to be happy like nothing is wrong? Just be yourself." Me: "Fine" *gets all mopey and depressing" Them: "Whoa dude. Stop bringing me down and bumming me out! I can't talk to someone that's negative...
    Tuva Tuva
    31-35, M
    2 Responses May 24, 2015

    so... another week to pass

    and the only thing stopping my memory from all the triggers are these blasted pills. easy to overdose on them just cause that is what they are designed to do to hold the mind at still... but I'm still shattered inside. and there are times I'll cry from the pain. I'll talk to...
    lostunit lostunit
    26-30, M
    2 Responses Jan 29, 2015

    I've had enough I'm 19 years old

    and my mother bullies me like a little school girl
    BluuKidX05 BluuKidX05
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Mar 21

    i am garbage

    worthless stupid useless unneeded fat unwanted stuck ugly sorry tired done quitting....
    CNG0 CNG0
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 13

    He told the world, on experience project,

    that I made a new skype account and I found someone else, which is why i spent less time on him but the truth is, i work 10 freaking hours a day and i needed to focus even accused me of sex chatting with other guys, nuts! disgusting! ...and you miss him why?... Because...I...
    Qtrelle Qtrelle
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Sep 28, 2015

    I've been battling with generalized anxiety,

    social anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, and major depression since I was very young. My life has been an array of discomfort and hard times. I find happiness in making other people smile and feel nice. I love making someone feel as special as they deserve.
    Sammibearxo Sammibearxo
    18-21, F
    1 Response Apr 1

    hills to to march over,

    battles to fight, and wars to be won or lose... you told me to keep fighting, but than you refuse to answer my text, you beg me to make promises. and I told you I don't make promises I can't keep. you told me you love me, but where are you now? the tears ran down my face, the...
    lostunit lostunit
    26-30, M
    2 Responses Feb 1, 2015

    The only one who cared enough to help me-my

    mother- has reached her limit. She no longer cares. Instead of showing nothing but affection and loving patience she now openly glares at me. Whenever she bothers to speak to me her tone is always harsh. As I steadily slip back into my depression I know I go in alone. As I type...
    solivagant86 solivagant86
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Nov 13, 2015

    I have been in a slump,

    I find this happens when to much is going on around me at one time and a bubble pops and disturbs everything http://youtu.be/u9Dg-g7t2l4 Enjoy the song
    nevets68 nevets68
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Mar 20

    does anyone else play the happy role in front

    of other people and family just so they don't see how much ur hurting and suffering?
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Apr 13, 2015

    I'm done being so miserable.

    Nobody deserves that. Happiness is a choice and I'm choosing it now. You should too. The heck with the people who kick us to the ground and enjoys it. You want to get back right? You want vengeance? Well the best vengeance is for us to be happy. Smiling at their faces with...
    soyyoprincesa soyyoprincesa
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Apr 17

    I'm in a much better place

    than I once was. I think it's good to say that I'm really not hurting anymore but I remember what it felt like when I was. The absolute worst part of everything that I was going through with my anxiety was that no one seemed to understand. If I told people about how I felt...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Mar 30

    for me taking the medication just numbs me ,

    where I can't feel anything and I feel emotionless and can't enjoy anything to the point I don't want to be here anymore. it's either this or dealing with it with too much emotion. lose. - lose situation.
    lostinthisworld83 lostinthisworld83
    31-35, F
    3 Responses Mar 28

    I'm currently attending counseling

    for my depression and anxiety issues, even if my most of my peers say I'm doing way better than them.. My mind would always retaliate to their comments and they can get hurtful
    sleeplesspieces sleeplesspieces
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Feb 22

    I'm in bed for the night

    and all that I can think about is how sad I am. Today I went to therapy and made a treatment plan, but also had to make a crisis plan for if I try to hurt or kill myself. I have to share it with my sister and brother in law tomorrow and I don't look forward to it. We lost my dad...
    Cranksta Cranksta
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Nov 13, 2014

    I often feel as If I'm alone

    even when I'm with family or friends
    BluuKidX05 BluuKidX05
    18-21, F
    Feb 20

    I know it won't go away

    because I'm typing this, but I want to tell everyone here, they're awesome. I know the battle is hard and we'll never be those characters on TV that are completely okay, but each day we're here we're heroes of our own war. we're amazing people with our own uniqueness and...
    Strange2Confused Strange2Confused
    22-25, F
    Nov 7, 2015

    I am surrounded my "friends"

    and yet I feel so alone. I feel like I dont matter. Like if I were to die right now, noone would care. I feel worthless, like I am invisible. Noone notices me... I feel like noone wants me... I wish I would die... Why not?
    EleanoreEurope EleanoreEurope
    13-15, F
    2 Responses Feb 23

    Lies, deception and false truths are the

    substitutes of what used to be my lullibies I can't distinguish the laughter from the cries. I have bags under my eyes so.... i used to use make up to cover up what I just can't hide.
    DaydreamingSleepwalker DaydreamingSleepwalker
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Mar 11

    I don't really know where to start,

    everything inside me is like looking into a washing machine on spin and you can't really separate what is what. I was never career driven or money orientated when I was younger, all I wanted was to be with my friends that I'd known forever. I made alot of poor life and career...
    Average111 Average111
    31-35, M
    1 Response Apr 6

    So I finally agree to see a psychiatrist

    for the first time, well, to make the appointment. My GP recommends this guy highly and thinks he can help me. But now i have to wait for him to look at my info and see if he is willing to take me on. I don't understand. This is not helping me feel any better about my decision.
    DaydreamingSleepwalker DaydreamingSleepwalker
    41-45, F
    1 Response Mar 2

    "SUICIDE DOESN'T REMOVE PAIN,

    IT GIVES IT TO SOMEONE ELSE." I've read this after a video I watched and I realize, yes, it is true. I'm not in your position or situation and I can only imagine it, what you're going through but I know that in every person there's someone atleast one caring for them... maybe...
    soyyoprincesa soyyoprincesa
    22-25, F
    1 Response Mar 2

    Sometimes I feel like I'm not enough

    for anyone... I'm in a polyamorous relationship and they seem happy... But am I really making them happy? Do I love up to their expectations and needs?
    Peaceloveramencats Peaceloveramencats
    18-21, F
    1 Response Mar 30
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