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I Battle Self-hatred, Anxiety, And Depression

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,828 People

    I constantly battle my anxiety.

    Right now I have so much on my plate, that I don't even know where to begin and I can feel the tension and anxiety building up inside of me. When this happens I tend to sit around doing nothing because I don't even know where to start....eventually the anxiety builds up so much...
    flightlessbird314 flightlessbird314 22-25, F 2 Responses Mar 25

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    I'm in bed for the night

    and all that I can think about is how sad I am. Today I went to therapy and made a treatment plan, but also had to make a crisis plan for if I try to hurt or kill myself. I have to share it with my sister and brother in law tomorrow and I don't look forward to it. We lost my dad...
    Cranksta Cranksta 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 13

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    Terrible day. I feel like I'm

    such a failure at everything, Even gaming didn't make me happy, id just get frustrated and end up turning my ps3 off and crying. 5pm, Emotionally drained. Time for some ****** sleep, hopefully everything's better when i awaken.
    PensiveEuphoria PensiveEuphoria 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 20

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    And use comedy to help me.

    Because meds made me worse. And chris proved why. http://youtu.be/vw5lwK9UAY8
    OddlyScintilating OddlyScintilating 46-50, M Nov 28

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    Feeling worthless had an affair 3yrs ago n my

    so called bf is still starting with me over it. I've got a major op on Tuesday n he's told me he's only taking me because he feels sorry for me and that he's not doing it because he cares. Just don't know what to do anymore I've lost him
    hayley34 hayley34 31-35, F 1 Response Apr 9

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    I wish I were worth more in the eyes of others,

    the one who stuck out in ways so they would feel like I was worth their time, worth their opportunities. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I never thought I was, but it's apparent I'm not doing something right, or else I wouldn't be where I am now.
    Austinforshort Austinforshort 18-21, M 1 Response Oct 15

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    In runs in my family they say.

    Depression anxiety runs in my family. So it's my destiny to be depressed. To live a broken life. To have my soul tortured. To fall part daily. To worry about every little thing that I do wrong. To destroy my body with a razor. Slashing violently watching the blood seep from my...
    bubbles1085 bubbles1085 13-15, F 4 Responses Jul 22

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    I'm Elizabeth, I'm 18 years old

    and I absolutely hate myself and I never talk to people about it. I'm 5ft 4in tall and weight roughly 130lbs, I have crazy colored eyes, a big (giggly) butt and long dark blonde hair and that will never be good enough for me. I will always see a short chuncky girl in the mirror...
    Lizabethjoycee Lizabethjoycee 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 12

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    self hatred arose after being compared to

    everyone, i now feel like im inferior. i tell myself people have it worse off than me, but even so i still feel depressed and i hate myself because of that. i tried to consult my parents about suffering from depression but they laugh and say "stop being such a drama queen" or...
    5203am 5203am 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 10

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    I'm not sure If I'm depressed

    or not I can be happy and laugh with my friends. But when I'm alone in my room with my thoughts that's when it gets bad
    staystrong07 staystrong07 16-17, F 3 Responses Mar 11

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    The only thing that keeps my mind off of each

    and one of them for a small amount of time is Two Door Cinema Club
    OutOfTheOrdinary OutOfTheOrdinary 13-15, F Aug 18

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    Staying Strong

    I wanted to write this because I want to connect with other people that suffer from anxiety and the depression/self-hatred package. In addition I want to give people hope. I'm not completely better, I still struggle, and I still hurt. But, I want others to know that you can keep...
    TinyArtist TinyArtist 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 16, 2013

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    Hate

    No one can hate me more than I hate myself. This is the life that I lead. Full of self loathing and inadequacies. I don't live at all.
    CaptainPeachFuzz CaptainPeachFuzz 31-35, T 1 Response Feb 9, 2013

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    The reason I can't sleep at night isn't

    because I can't actually sleep. It's because I won't let myself sleep. Because I'm terrified that I'll just stop breathing, I'll die, and I know that I can't die right now. I have so many things I haven't done that I need to do. Every night I lay in bed and think "what if I die...
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 1 Response Dec 3

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    Having an off day today.

    It's hard, the holiday season. My dead fathers side of the family is taking such good care of me and for the first time in years I'm being included in the holidays instead of being the one to serve everyone eggnog while they enjoy theirs. But I'm not doing well. All I can think...
    Cranksta Cranksta 18-21, F Dec 5

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    I Hate Me!!!

    We've all been there self loathing and wishing we weren't born... You question self and wonder if you should just end it!!! I know... I've tried several times since I was 12 yrs old! Believe it or not... There IS a purpose in you being with us... When you stop the self sabotage...
    Shewolfiie69 Shewolfiie69 36-40, F 7 Responses May 22, 2013

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    whyusteens whyusteens 13-15, F 2 Responses Nov 2

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    I saw a crisis therapist who's helping me get a

    stable therapist. While talking today, I brought up some of the things my boyfriend and now his sister (who hates me because of this incident that happened over the weekend) is concerned about in regards to our relationship. Manipulator, liar, I'll do anything to not be wrong...
    Ginkofishin Ginkofishin 18-21, F Oct 21

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    I have on and off depression

    but im fine at the moment, I try not to hate myself which I think is important, I have anxiety daily some days worse than others. I have been wanting to be alone all the time since when I'm with people I just get mad. My day basically goes like this: wake up fall back asleep...
    walkinwonder walkinwonder 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 14

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    I don't understand what's wrong with me.

    I don't know what it is that I'm doing that pushes people away. I know people who are shadier and bitchier than I am but for some reason people flock to them. I'm kind to everyone and shy. Do they take my shyness the wrong way? I feel like people avoid me. I've never had anyone...
    ClarissaAnn ClarissaAnn 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Life

    I someone times feel low, lower the lowest thing i can think of...and i know i shouldnt but i can't help it. I start to think awful thoughts about myself and i know i dont believe them or atleast that i shouldnt but again i can't help it. Most of the time i just put on some...
    Jwolf1342 Jwolf1342 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 27, 2013

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    Spring time is always

    so hard for me. Not as bad this year as others - thankfully - but this time of year I get very quiet, sullen and all I want to do is disappear. I start to get anxious about leaving the house - people might see me. my mood, internally, is like a roller coaster between nervous...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Mar 28

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    I have attempted suicide 4 times in the last

    year due to anxiety, depression, and self-hatred. I have cut for 6 years and have been hospitalized in a psych ward.
    Grace12345345 Grace12345345 18-21, F Oct 26

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    Have you ever had days

    that you feel like you deserve everything that you're feeling? It's not exactly suicidal, but just knowing that you've ****** your life up so much that nothing could ever be the same? Just the idea of "relationships" makes you shudder. You're going to **** it up, somehow. You...
    HarleyQuinn326 HarleyQuinn326 22-25, F 3 Responses Nov 24

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    Well throughout my life,

    mainly when I was in middle school onward, I have always thought of myself differently than others. I honestly hate everything about myself, especially my weight. I went through an extreme period where I attempted suicide and tried bulimia and anorexia, but I could never keep...
    thinkingflawless thinkingflawless 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 22

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    And now that familiarly uncomfortable part of

    the night begins, where I question everything and feel it all slip away. I start this night the same way I start every night, deciding wether or not to wake up tomorrow morning
    nohopekid nohopekid 18-21, M 1 Response Nov 21

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    Ever since I was young I have not liked myself.

    I've always been called stupid, ugly, fat, you name it and I've probably been called it (even by family and friends.) It hurts me so bad being called all those things. I am always depressed. I fake a smile most of the time, when Inside I'm balling my eyes out. The only thing...
    depressedandhurting depressedandhurting 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 29

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    I have so many thoughts

    and confusions on why I am the way I am that sometimes I wish I could just die. Idk what wrong with me I just know I can't stand myself and I do things I shouldn't and have feelings that shouldn't exist. ... why can't I stop and just be normal? I could have a million thoughts...
    retrosavy retrosavy 18-21, F Nov 16

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    It's like I'm screaming my lungs out

    but no one can or will ever hear me.
    MaryJay712 MaryJay712 16-17, F 1 Response Sep 30

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    I have come to terms with

    that I am simply just not happy
    HazelEyedWolf HazelEyedWolf 18-21, F Oct 13

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    So lately I haven't really been feeling 100%.

    I know most of my other posts were really cheerful but I guess I was just trying to hide how I really felt with all that, why? I don't even know. My 'best friend' and I don't really talk as often as we used to, it seems like ill have to be the one who starts the conversation...
    PensiveEuphoria PensiveEuphoria 16-17, F Jul 15

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    The anxiety is taking over,

    I feel as if I can barely breath, not organize a single thought or action, and I'm so, so tired.
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce 41-45, F 5 Responses Dec 5

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    Almost everyday I wake up

    and scream. I realize I'm still me, I'm still where I am, and there is no escape. I get up, walk to the bathroom and all I want to do is shatter it. but I'm to poor for luxurious outbursts. I then put on my biggest clothes that almost fall off me and sit. sit and wait for...
    RoyalxNicole RoyalxNicole 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 14

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    All Things Run In Cycles - The Path Through The

    Darkness If there is one thing I have learned for certain it is that ALL things run in cycles. Funerals and weddings and pregnancies and graduations.... they all come in clusters. Good luck and bad luck... yeah, you know the saying "When it rains it pours"? Or have you ever...
    NoahBody123 NoahBody123 51-55 Apr 16

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    I keep everything inside

    because I've made myself believe that I'm better off alone no one cares if I have problems
    torr62 torr62 13-15, F 2 Responses Nov 22

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    When self-hatred is your motivation.

    Sometimes you need to motivate that hate.
    HarleyQuinn326 HarleyQuinn326 22-25, F Nov 24

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    whyusteens whyusteens 13-15, F Nov 2

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    I'm a large woman and I've tried

    so many times to loose weight but I can never really commit to it. Lately I've been thinking that maybe if I forgave all of the people who teased me and tore down in school that I could move on. but how do you forgive the biggest hurt you've ever felt. how do you stop believing...
    beautybehindthefat beautybehindthefat 18-21, F 6 Responses Nov 22

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    I Hate Me, I Hate It And I Hate Them.

    I have no friends. This is no overreaction , when I say I have no friends I mean everyone is avoiding me. With drug and sexuality rumours circulating about me I don't blame them. It still makes me angry. I can't even wait in line for food , my palms get sweaty , I can't...
    ThanksForTheMemories ThanksForTheMemories 16-17, F Nov 6, 2013

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    I self medicate myself

    because my doctor doesn't really give a crap about me.
    marleigh93 marleigh93 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 28

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    All Three 24/7. Never Ending Battle

    i self loathe so much that i want to pick at myself. cut, kill. i just want to die at times. my nightmares only make my self loathing worse. every night since i was three i have dreamed of murdering my self and felt every way you can think of of dying. my mind hates me and so do...
    Caitlinsmith1636 Caitlinsmith1636 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 3, 2013

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    Why does everything have to be a battle?

    I wish I could just curl up, and never have to look at the world again. I wish i could go back the times i dont remember.
    SilentShadows SilentShadows 16-17, F Oct 8

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    (Part one of many) This isn’t the story I

    wanted to write. I wanted to write a sci-fi fantasy about a female heroine who overcomes an authoritative eugenically structured society. I wanted to write about bravery, and spirit, and what it means to be free and master of your own destiny. Every time I started, I’d get a...
    Maritmus Maritmus 31-35, F 2 Responses Jul 21

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    How do you explain to someone the face you put

    on everyday is not because you want to be fake but because if they say the real you, the real broken hurting you, your afraid they will leave? Self hatred is like cancer it slowly makes you change. People usually hate this and try to "cheer you up" though I find this ineffective...
    WingedAshodel WingedAshodel 16-17, F Jul 18

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    Someone posted about a free app on hypnosis.

    I don't remember where I read it. But I tried it for about a month for my depression and anxiety attacks. I thought maybe it might be a placebo affect, so I waited to make sure. My depression has been paralyzing for me. It's been horrific; the anxiety attacks, the uselessness I...
    Blmy Blmy 46-50, F 1 Response Mar 29

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    my mom would beat me

    so bad that I would have welts on my legs for days. I think it was a mental illness but never said anything. I eventually found out 99.9 percent of my life was a lie. she got mad over nothing some times and always hit me instead of my sister. after hitting me she would apologize...
    jazzyjaniah jazzyjaniah 26-30, F 1 Response Nov 12

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    Doing better than last night,

    but only barely. Trying to do my crafts but can't think well enough told it work.
    Cranksta Cranksta 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 14

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    Doing better than I was last night,

    but only barely. Trying to do my crafts but can't focus enough to make it work. Still depressed and lonely. Talked to my boyfriend this morning and he said he'd be there for me, but I secretly wonder when his patience will run out with me. He's putting up with so much. I'm...
    Cranksta Cranksta 18-21, F Nov 14

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    All my life I have battled depression

    and my depression is extremely bad for me...all I have to do is look at a knife or anything dangerous and all I want to do is hurt myself...ever since I was little I've suffered from depression I don't feel anything I don't even feel myself I feel like it's someone else...
    Scarsdontfade Scarsdontfade 18-21, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    My husband says he's crazy.

    I said,"At least you're a functioning crazy". For many years I blamed my husband for my misery. Then slowly, I came to realize, I'm the one with the problem. He's not perfect but he's not the reason for my misery, I am. I'm responsible for my depression. He does normal annoying...
    Blmy Blmy 46-50, F Oct 25

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    Triad

    It is interesting to me that self-hatred is listed first. The latter is a main cause or, at least, prolonger of the anxiety and depression that resides... in me. Past events and ideas do influence the aforementioned. However, if I could find the will and means to love myself, I...
    DustToAshes DustToAshes 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 2, 2011

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