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I Battle Self-hatred, Anxiety, And Depression

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 967 People

    My family bullies me

    and I've typed my experience many times but I'm not allowed to post it so I narrowed it down to bullied so bad and abused by my parents and older brother
    jjeello jjeello 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 20

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    In runs in my family they say.

    Depression anxiety runs in my family. So it's my destiny to be depressed. To live a broken life. To have my soul tortured. To fall part daily. To worry about every little thing that I do wrong. To destroy my body with a razor. Slashing violently watching the blood seep from my...
    bubbles1085 bubbles1085 13-15, F 4 Responses Jul 22

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    Triad

    It is interesting to me that self-hatred is listed first. The latter is a main cause or, at least, prolonger of the anxiety and depression that resides... in me. Past events and ideas do influence the aforementioned. However, if I could find the will and means to love myself, I...
    DustToAshes DustToAshes 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 2, 2011

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    It's terribly rough..

    . When you hate yourself. it's a different story when the people around you know that you're struggling but still they treat you like trash. There was a time when I was practically on suicide watch and they were all so kind to me; it only lasted for about a week. Thats when I...
    smurfinaround smurfinaround 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 24

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    I've always known the feeling of claustrophobia

    ever since I was young. When I was a young boy If I was to be say closed in cupboard for a few seconds by my big sister I would get that uncontrollable urge to escape and feeling of dread! I would be screaming and kicking to be let out. But that's as far as it went. I only felt...
    bananaman1uk bananaman1uk 26-30, M Aug 3

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    Staying Strong

    I wanted to write this because I want to connect with other people that suffer from anxiety and the depression/self-hatred package. In addition I want to give people hope. I'm not completely better, I still struggle, and I still hurt. But, I want others to know that you can keep...
    TinyArtist TinyArtist 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 16, 2013

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    My brother abuses me

    and treats me terribly so do my parents and my mom thinks I hook up with multiple guys and I basically get the worst things said at home I don't have any place where I think I'm safe where I can trust someone no one is even there for me I cry a lot because of what I go...
    jjeello jjeello 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 20

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    I think am done know,

    am just to pathetic Stupid ugly, I **** everything up.....maybe it's time to go
    Chesher Chesher 18-21, M Aug 21

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    Scars

    I feel so alone. I want someone to hold me and cherish me. I want to tell someone about the scars on my wrist and I want them to tell me they are sorry and to hold me. I feel so broken, and not from something someone has done but from the evil inside me. I crave things that are...
    Brokenyounglife Brokenyounglife 18-21, F 2 Responses Feb 22, 2013

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    I hate my body. I used to be a size 3 in high

    school, and now I'm around a size 10 or more. Even when I was thinner I hated my body. I've never worn a bathing suit in public or even at home. I wear a shirt and shorts. I can't stand to look in the mirror and see the disgusting disfigured creature that I am. I see the...
    BelleNoire BelleNoire 18-21, F Jun 27

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    I Hate Me!!!

    We've all been there self loathing and wishing we weren't born... You question self and wonder if you should just end it!!! I know... I've tried several times since I was 12 yrs old! Believe it or not... There IS a purpose in you being with us... When you stop the self sabotage...
    Shewolfiie69 Shewolfiie69 36-40, F 7 Responses May 22, 2013

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    Feeling worthless had an affair 3yrs ago n my

    so called bf is still starting with me over it. I've got a major op on Tuesday n he's told me he's only taking me because he feels sorry for me and that he's not doing it because he cares. Just don't know what to do anymore I've lost him
    hayley34 hayley34 31-35, F 1 Response Apr 9

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    All Things Run In Cycles - The Path Through The

    Darkness If there is one thing I have learned for certain it is that ALL things run in cycles. Funerals and weddings and pregnancies and graduations.... they all come in clusters. Good luck and bad luck... yeah, you know the saying "When it rains it pours"? Or have you ever...
    NoahBody123 NoahBody123 51-55 Apr 16

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    Spring time is always

    so hard for me. Not as bad this year as others - thankfully - but this time of year I get very quiet, sullen and all I want to do is disappear. I start to get anxious about leaving the house - people might see me. my mood, internally, is like a roller coaster between nervous...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Mar 28

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    Before reading this, please go read my other

    experience project from being a compulsive liar. This isn't the main key of my self hatred but I can understand it being the main key in my anxiety. I don't think words can describe how much I hate myself. I am a disgusting human being. I don't know what to do. Recently I have...
    Binkyboo12 Binkyboo12 22-25 1 Response Aug 5

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    I am a student.. I am trying to qualify my pre

    medical test but i didnt get selected. I took an extra year after 12th to prepare for it but i didnt qualify. My family had a reputation & i spoiled it all.. I want to die
    Alison16 Alison16 18-21, F Jul 15

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    self hatred arose after being compared to

    everyone, i now feel like im inferior. i tell myself people have it worse off than me, but even so i still feel depressed and i hate myself because of that. i tried to consult my parents about suffering from depression but they laugh and say "stop being such a drama queen" or...
    5203am 5203am 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 10

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    Can someone talk to me.

    ...talk clams me down when am at college only reason I can survive
    Chesher Chesher 18-21, M Sep 3

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    (Part one of many) This isn’t the story I

    wanted to write. I wanted to write a sci-fi fantasy about a female heroine who overcomes an authoritative eugenically structured society. I wanted to write about bravery, and spirit, and what it means to be free and master of your own destiny. Every time I started, I’d get a...
    Maritmus Maritmus 31-35, F 2 Responses Jul 21

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    I was always the happy girl The one

    that cheered everybody up But behind my smile is a diffrent story One ive never told before I told my bestfriend She told the whole school Now i get called some names That i dont really like Would you like to know a secret ? I cut myself Every night Those name i get called...
    katysecret123 katysecret123 16-17, F Aug 1

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    OutOfTheOrdinary OutOfTheOrdinary 13-15, F Aug 20

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    Ever since I was young I have not liked myself.

    I've always been called stupid, ugly, fat, you name it and I've probably been called it (even by family and friends.) It hurts me so bad being called all those things. I am always depressed. I fake a smile most of the time, when Inside I'm balling my eyes out. The only thing...
    depressedandhurting depressedandhurting 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 29

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    How do you explain to someone the face you put

    on everyday is not because you want to be fake but because if they say the real you, the real broken hurting you, your afraid they will leave? Self hatred is like cancer it slowly makes you change. People usually hate this and try to "cheer you up" though I find this ineffective...
    WingedAshodel WingedAshodel 16-17, F Jul 18

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    New levels of self loathing will be reached

    before the end of the night🔪
    nohopekid nohopekid 18-21, M Aug 23

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    I constantly battle my anxiety.

    Right now I have so much on my plate, that I don't even know where to begin and I can feel the tension and anxiety building up inside of me. When this happens I tend to sit around doing nothing because I don't even know where to start....eventually the anxiety builds up so much...
    flightlessbird314 flightlessbird314 22-25, F 2 Responses Mar 25

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    Who I Am. What I Choose. My Begining

    New Member. First Story. My beginning. I am one of many people. I do things that other People do. I AM a personal fan of Drawing. My story begins at an odd Point in life. Middle School. We've all been through it. It can be a living Hell sometimes (Sorry. Um... Warning. I swear. A...
    shadowsrain13 shadowsrain13 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 2, 2013

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    Hate

    No one can hate me more than I hate myself. This is the life that I lead. Full of self loathing and inadequacies. I don't live at all.
    CaptainPeachFuzz CaptainPeachFuzz 31-35, T 1 Response Feb 9, 2013

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    Life

    I someone times feel low, lower the lowest thing i can think of...and i know i shouldnt but i can't help it. I start to think awful thoughts about myself and i know i dont believe them or atleast that i shouldnt but again i can't help it. Most of the time i just put on some...
    Jwolf1342 Jwolf1342 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 27, 2013

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    I'm not sure If I'm depressed

    or not I can be happy and laugh with my friends. But when I'm alone in my room with my thoughts that's when it gets bad
    staystrong07 staystrong07 16-17, F 3 Responses Mar 11

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    Dealing with my boyfriend being gone

    for months and months, ontop of a depression I can't seem to get out off, seems to be causing some problems. I hate feeling that I m not good for him or anyone. Surround myself with people and still feel empty inside. I am delt with depression my who life and all this is just...
    hnj320 hnj320 22-25, F Aug 18

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    I am complex. I'm annoying.

    I'm constant. I have no change whatsoever. The only thing significant in my life is my football life. Besides that I am always the same person. I will always be me. And I hate it so much. I hate it with such a passion that when I fall asleep I pray that when I wake up I won't be...
    JaysGrief JaysGrief 16-17, M Jul 26

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    Lost In Wonderland...

    Hello, my name is Brandon. I'm 20 and I'm an art student, a writer, and I used to be a volunteer fire fighter. I used to love to ride horses, take care of animals, play sports, and just all around enjoy life, even though I was abused most of my childhood. Though, I always held in...
    Arcentine Arcentine 22-25, M 2 Responses Feb 25, 2013

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    I Hate Me, I Hate It And I Hate Them.

    I have no friends. This is no overreaction , when I say I have no friends I mean everyone is avoiding me. With drug and sexuality rumours circulating about me I don't blame them. It still makes me angry. I can't even wait in line for food , my palms get sweaty , I can't...
    Agemeansnothing Agemeansnothing 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2013

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    Someone posted about a free app on hypnosis.

    I don't remember where I read it. But I tried it for about a month for my depression and anxiety attacks. I thought maybe it might be a placebo affect, so I waited to make sure. My depression has been paralyzing for me. It's been horrific; the anxiety attacks, the uselessness I...
    Blmy Blmy 46-50, F 1 Response Mar 29

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    Terrible day. I feel like I'm

    such a failure at everything, Even gaming didn't make me happy, id just get frustrated and end up turning my ps3 off and crying. 5pm, Emotionally drained. Time for some ****** sleep, hopefully everything's better when i awaken.
    PensiveEuphoria PensiveEuphoria 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 20

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    The only thing that keeps my mind off of each

    and one of them for a small amount of time is Two Door Cinema Club
    OutOfTheOrdinary OutOfTheOrdinary 13-15, F 1 Response Aug 18

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    So lately I haven't really been feeling 100%.

    I know most of my other posts were really cheerful but I guess I was just trying to hide how I really felt with all that, why? I don't even know. My 'best friend' and I don't really talk as often as we used to, it seems like ill have to be the one who starts the conversation...
    PensiveEuphoria PensiveEuphoria 16-17, F Jul 15

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    I guess the only way is up

    when you've hit the very bottom. Recently, I've been very sensitive, crying at every small thing and thinking "you're pathetic Jaye". The fact that I have paranoia doesn't help either, especially when one minute i'm having a nice conversation with someone and then the next...
    JJSapphire JJSapphire 18-21, F 1 Response Feb 27

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    Does Anyone Suffer From Night Time Panic Time Attacks?????

    Does anyone suffer from nighttime panic attacks? Like having nightmares and waking up feeling panickly every so often ? Or just waking up nervous with your heart racing and body trembling? Some nights this happens mutiple times per night, other nights usually when i take a xanax...
    Anto815 Anto815 46-50, F 3 Responses May 21, 2013

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    Depression At It's Worst!

    I have been battling depression alot lately. I have masked it with just being tired or because I work a 3rd shift job and i'm just tired alot so I sleep. But the truth is that i'm very depressed.. I can't get out of this hole i'm in. When i'm not working i'm sleeping my life...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Feb 6, 2012

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    I have never felt like this before.

    . I'm numb and it's worse than ever. I hate everything about myself and the last few months have been hell. What am I doing.
    Mars97 Mars97 16-17, F Jun 24

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    I hate my anxiety. It stops me from doing

    so much , then when I try to get over i stutter, my heart beats really fast, my hands get sweaty, and I feel like everything i say is stupid. I over analyze what i said, why I said it, and what I could have said to seem normal- to not seem like a werido. Then i think because i...
    MrTots MrTots 18-21, F 1 Response May 6

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    Battle Panic, Anxiety, Biploar And Depression

    I wish I could wake up every morning and feel good. But, when I wake up I stuggle to deal with the day. I don't want to leave my home , I just want to sleep the day away. I panic when I in a crowd or when I am behind he wheel of my car. I feel so cold and numb. I don't know how...
    sun23shine sun23shine 41-45, F 1 Response Feb 11, 2013

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    All Three 24/7. Never Ending Battle

    i self loathe so much that i want to pick at myself. cut, kill. i just want to die at times. my nightmares only make my self loathing worse. every night since i was three i have dreamed of murdering my self and felt every way you can think of of dying. my mind hates me and so do...
    Caitlinsmith1636 Caitlinsmith1636 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 3, 2013

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    I honestly don't know how many friends I have.

    After deciding that high school really wasn't my thing and went with post-secondary it was like I didn't exist anymore. For almost 3 years now I have battled this self-hate and this anxiety the loneliness and the depression and over-whelming sadness. I have been with my...
    wallflowerlife22 wallflowerlife22 16-17, F 1 Response Jun 21

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    Did I Do The Right Thing?

    Yesterday I had to go talk to a Residence Director on my campus about one of my room mates. She has been seriously suicidal and yesterday brought alcohol into the room(which is illegal). I was afraid for her that she would do something to hurt herself while drunk or alone and so...
    Brokenyounglife Brokenyounglife 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 5, 2013

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    Unbareable

    I feel as though I am unbareable to deal with, I hate myself and for a while i didn't know what it was. I find myself getting mad at myself when i do somthing wrong always trying to figure out why i just cant get right... I've cut my self out of hatred towards me because now its...
    ninasky ninasky 18-21, F Dec 14, 2010

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    I smile because I can.

    I'm depressed because I can't.
    JaysGrief JaysGrief 16-17, M Jul 18

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    Pain

    Thoughts are running around my head, I feel as high as a kite floating on air. My life is so surreal Full of madness & hysteria. The hysteria has gone, Calm is here. I feel at peace Sleep is near After taking a pill, I lie in bed waiting to sleep I fall into frightening...
    daughtermolly daughtermolly 31-35, F Jul 21, 2011

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    It's an uphill battle with little to no water.

    Hell I'll die by a bullet before I die of "natural causes"
    JaysGrief JaysGrief 16-17, M Jul 21

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    Related Experiences

    I have seen a lot of people on EP and in real life throwing this word around like a hot potato. The two most inappropriately used words in this generation, in my personal opinion...
    AlexandriaDark AlexandriaDark 18-21, F Aug 30

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    Looking at the coffin Of my dead great uncle Wishing I was the one in there Because of all the selfish reasons of my wanting to die I couldn't even mourn you I'm sorry and I loved...
    ImNotReallyFine ImNotReallyFine 13-15, M Aug 24

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    I'm 21 years old, and this is probably the first time I've really let myself believe that what I have experienced is not something I brought upon myself. For so long I've felt so...
    mjh92 mjh92 18-21, F 2 Responses a week ago

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