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I Battle Self-hatred, Anxiety, And Depression

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,270 People

    there are times like today,

    that I wish I could just end my life... I feel like crap, I don't want to do anything, no motivation, no drive... it's like I'm a machine that had something snap and break or someone thru a wrench in the works... I can't think, or anything... I want to close my eyes and sleep...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M Jan 16

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    None of my friends understand.

    They think I'm attention-seeking and exaggerating, it's really hurtful and makes me feel really suicidal. I don't know how to make them understand my issues are valid and I'm struggling. I think it may be impossible. I wish I had different people in my life but I'm too anxious...
    NaomilyShipper NaomilyShipper 13-15, F 5 Responses Sep 15, 2015

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    Do you ever just feel like you are going to cry

    but the tears just aren't gonna come through? well right now I'm absolutely suffering in that painful state of mixed emotions and having the feeling and fear of the ability of losing control of myself. This scars me. Where everything ok one minute and the next the whole world is...
    unbound97 unbound97 18-21, F Sep 12, 2015

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    It's always a Catch-22.

    Them: "If you're so depressed, why are you putting on a front and pretending to be happy like nothing is wrong? Just be yourself." Me: "Fine" *gets all mopey and depressing" Them: "Whoa dude. Stop bringing me down and bumming me out! I can't talk to someone that's negative...
    Tuva Tuva 31-35, M 2 Responses May 24, 2015

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    I pushed everyone that I cared about away

    and I built up these walls to protect me. I'm like a bomb I hurt everyone around me. So I figured it was best if I'm alone so I can't hurt anyone else more than I already did. If I'm not hurting myself I'm hurting everyone around me. So I bare it so they don't have to. I'm a...
    MadisonDaWarrior MadisonDaWarrior 13-15, F 3 Responses Feb 2

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    The anxiety is taking over,

    I feel as if I can barely breath, not organize a single thought or action, and I'm so, so tired.
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce 41-45, F 4 Responses Dec 5, 2014

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    13 days. It's been thirteen days

    since I last harmed myself.... And I should be proud.. But I'm not. I had the urge to cut again last night, and I told him about it.... He talked me out of it (not fully though, but I decided that I wasn't going to harm myself). I know that he cares,..... And that's the...
    Almostmadeit Almostmadeit 16-17, F 11 Responses Jan 23

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    The psychiatrists thinking they could fool you;

    Paxil, Zoloft, it's just wasteful to you. I tried meditation, tried to sit in silence, but how the **** does that help a Neuro-chemical imbalance? Why would you tell a person that were childish, without an understanding of the pain they surround in? I always feel foggy somatic...
    RebWolf RebWolf 26-30, M Jan 19

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    My story isn't as bad

    as most people's but I still suffer from it so.... When I was ten years old my parents started fighting a lot. More than ever. They threw things. yelled, chased each other, threated to hit one another. It was bad and in the eyes of a ten year old, she wanted to disappear. During...
    Littlemiss02 Littlemiss02 13-15, F Apr 27, 2015

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    And now that familiarly uncomfortable part of

    the night begins, where I question everything and feel it all slip away. I start this night the same way I start every night, deciding wether or not to wake up tomorrow morning
    nohopekid nohopekid 18-21, M 1 Response Nov 21, 2014

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    My life is a mess. I don't know what to do with

    it anymore. It started since I was younger until now when my mom married my step dad. He was a good but short tempered man and I learned to love him and accept him as my father. He reciprocate that feeling towards me and loved me like I'm his own daughter. It was his mother who...
    LightHigami LightHigami 13-15 1 Response Jan 23

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    I have all these memories of people

    that don't give a **** about me. Why does every person that I love walk out of my life? What in the hell did I do to deserve this? Everyone leaves me!!
    wreckofagirl wreckofagirl 22-25, F 5 Responses Dec 29, 2015

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    I suffer from hyperhidrosis

    and want to arrange a uk meetup for fellow sufferers. who would be interested?
    pbarn pbarn 31-35, M Jan 22

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    This is my first time posting on here,

    I thought I would give it a try and see if it helps. I've been battling depression and anxiety for four years. However, recently things have been escalating with my mood swings, anger, and sadness. I'm starting to feel like I'm taking my feelings out on others and start to...
    camile579 camile579 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 23, 2015

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    People WITHOUT depression: " God,

    I'm so depressde." People WITH depression: " I'm fine, I'm just tired." It's not always that noticeable!
    Amani95 Amani95 18-21, F 3 Responses Aug 15, 2015

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    I knew it was coming.

    I've had too many good days in a row. If I fail to return to my usual self by Friday, Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it.
    MsJessicaRabbit MsJessicaRabbit 26-30, F 9 Responses Dec 21, 2015

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    this is my third trip to Ontario I've taken,

    the end 2015, to spend time with my friend and her family. this time so ups and downs... her daughter hates me and I don't blame her. I hate me too, alot of people hate me, cause I'm not perfect, or the truth, cause I took her mother and father away from her at times, to watch...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 2 Responses Jan 13

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    I self harm and I have tried suicide I

    overdosed, I about died I just can't escape this thing called life I want to die so badly Any advice would be good Motivation would be great
    ITn3v3rEnds ITn3v3rEnds 13-15, F 2 Responses Feb 1

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    its one of those days

    where I can't control my anxiety. It comes out of nowhere and makes me feel so helpless. these symptoms are killing me. I just want all these body aches and headaches to go away.I want to control them better but I don't know how.
    dahomie1 dahomie1 22-25, M 8 Responses Dec 7, 2015

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    "Anything for attention with you.

    " Okay so if it's for attention shall I just go and grab a blade and cut myself right in front of you, let you watch as my arm is once again littered with red lines, that then turn white until the next time when I feel useless and numb. You wouldn't care. In your eyes I'm a...
    ThroughRoseGlasses ThroughRoseGlasses 16-17, F 1 Response a week ago

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    ComicGirl97 ComicGirl97 18-21, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    I know that they're people out there

    that are better than me, I'm very aware that I'm not the most beautiful, talented, sexy, or brilliant minded woman out there in the world but I wish that just once someone would look me in the eye and tell me I am and actually mean it. I know I'll never live up to my own...
    wreckofagirl wreckofagirl 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 24

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    Hi! I'm new to all of this,

    but I just wanted to drop by and say something to all of you. You are beautiful, you are worthy and you should know that I believe in you! Some people thinks that having anxiety and depression is so normal that people who has it doesn't need help. They may think it's such a...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Aug 31, 2015

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    I don't know why I'm in this position again.

    After all the battles I've won, after all the good things that happen why I still let myself fell for this? I just want to smash every mirror because I don't tolerate looking at myself anymore. The fight is intense and I just hate it, everything. Anxiety is eating me alive and...
    AndreaCulea AndreaCulea 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 19

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    it's crazy how depressed I've been lately.

    I've been in pain and so drained and just feeling like I'm going to fall apart any second now...I don't know what to do my family always told me no one was supposed to fight depression alone but they won't stand beside me...so who is supposed to fight with me?
    solivagant86 solivagant86 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 19

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    probably care not to be seen by anyone

    but a girl and her family caused this to happen to me at just 15/16 years old. I can't sleep well, relax or have fun when the brainwashing made me paranoid and scared of everything. I want help. I want hugs. I want phone calls. And I can blame the reesby-johnsons for being a...
    DelusionalWolf DelusionalWolf 18-21, M 3 Responses Sep 20, 2015

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    Do you ever just want to rip your own chest

    open, because you feel like you are drowning from all of the anxiety, and there just seems to be no relief? I have been like this for weeks, and I see no end in sight, and the only things that would help would get me locked away again.
    NeonAshes NeonAshes 16-17, F 4 Responses Jan 27

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    savoy2 savoy2 46-50, M 1 Response Jan 10

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    The only one who cared enough to help me-my

    mother- has reached her limit. She no longer cares. Instead of showing nothing but affection and loving patience she now openly glares at me. Whenever she bothers to speak to me her tone is always harsh. As I steadily slip back into my depression I know I go in alone. As I type...
    solivagant86 solivagant86 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 13, 2015

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    He told the world, on experience project,

    that I made a new skype account and I found someone else, which is why i spent less time on him but the truth is, i work 10 freaking hours a day and i needed to focus even accused me of sex chatting with other guys, nuts! disgusting! ...and you miss him why?... Because...I...
    Qtrelle Qtrelle 26-30, F 2 Responses Sep 28, 2015

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    "Atelophobia is the fear of not being good

    enough or imperfection. Atelophobia is classified as an anxiety disorder that can affect relationships and makes the afflicted person feel like everything they do is wrong." Interesting. There's an actual term for it.
    MsJessicaRabbit MsJessicaRabbit 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 7

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    Self Reflections My skin is not a tough armor,

    its too thin and easily broken. The air i am inhaling is attenuating with each gasp for breath. My shins are quivering and small hairline fractures litter their outer most layers from too many end of my ropes falls to my knees. The heart that beats within my rib cage is tattered...
    writingmyrelease writingmyrelease 26-30, F 12 Responses Feb 2, 2015

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    I am messed up. Bad. I don't know what to do

    with my life. I don't know anyone to talk to. I have no friends. My family doesn't love me. I get anxious all the time. I want to be away from everyone. I want to be gone. I don't want to wake up every morning knowing that I will only be sad and lonely all the time. Then these...
    LonelyMystery LonelyMystery 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 7, 2015

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    I have been cutting for almost three years in

    two months. I met my best friend three years tomorrow. I never even thought of cutting till I met her. she WAS a cutter. She managed to get out of cutting befor it got bad, me on the otherhand........well u get the idea. I also have depression, I carry my razor every where I go...
    100BlackRoses 100BlackRoses 16-17, F 1 Response Aug 14, 2015

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    I know it won't go away

    because I'm typing this, but I want to tell everyone here, they're awesome. I know the battle is hard and we'll never be those characters on TV that are completely okay, but each day we're here we're heroes of our own war. we're amazing people with our own uniqueness and...
    Strange2Confused Strange2Confused 22-25, F Nov 7, 2015

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    I've always been a skeptical person.

    But I can finally say I think I might have overcome my depression. I'm almost through it. I never thought I'd get here, but I suppose I had to come to terms with what has happened and how I can't change it.
    MatchedWithBlack MatchedWithBlack 16-17, F 1 Response Jan 16

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    I am in the closet about being trans

    and hate my body I have anxiety about them finding out or when my family talk abouts trans people i get all nervous because i feel like their sevretly talking about me even though i know its impossible for them to know the real me but I'm on here trying to find supportive...
    knevels knevels 18-21, T 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I can't stand to look at life

    and feel like its all but a blur. For the past month or so I have tried to stay positive happy and not let things bother me. I have let things go and cut people out of my life. For some time it helped me better myself I even gave up my biggest habit constantly drinking soda. But...
    Claura Claura 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 27, 2015

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    so lately has been an emotional roller coaster.

    my counselor tells me it's depression and not to leave my husband even though most days lately I feel nothing towards him and have a lot of anxiety. I have none stop thoughts about not loving him. some days I have no energy and don't even want to do anything. has anyone...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jan 10

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    Today was going fine

    until I was heading home in the dark car, alone with my book (currently reading) and my thoughts. I kept getting distracted with my mind. I couldn't focus. My mind was racing. Next thing I knew, I had woken up. Like one minute I was awake, the next asleep, and then the next...
    unbroken0lovatic unbroken0lovatic 13-15, F Dec 26, 2015

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    Spring time is always

    so hard for me. Not as bad this year as others - thankfully - but this time of year I get very quiet, sullen and all I want to do is disappear. I start to get anxious about leaving the house - people might see me. my mood, internally, is like a roller coaster between nervous...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Mar 28, 2014

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    I Hate Me!!!

    We've all been there self loathing and wishing we weren't born... You question self and wonder if you should just end it!!! I know... I've tried several times since I was 12 yrs old! Believe it or not... There IS a purpose in you being with us... When you stop the self sabotage...
    Shewolfiie69 Shewolfiie69 36-40, F 7 Responses May 22, 2013

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    I messaged my sister yesterday.

    cause I felt like crying. the job I have is ****. I know some people, but there is no one I can talk to, whom I can trust to stay when I'm at my worst, like now. people are afraid, when they are confronted with someone who is depressed, sad, hurt, ... my sister calls me...
    Ilerovers Ilerovers 22-25, F 4 Responses Jan 20

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    Since I stopped self harming I've gained 20lbs.

    It's caused my depression to increase noticeably... I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so overwhelmed
    solivagant86 solivagant86 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 26, 2015

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    hills to to march over,

    battles to fight, and wars to be won or lose... you told me to keep fighting, but than you refuse to answer my text, you beg me to make promises. and I told you I don't make promises I can't keep. you told me you love me, but where are you now? the tears ran down my face, the...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 2 Responses Feb 1, 2015

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