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I Battle Self-hatred, Anxiety, And Depression

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 3,281 People

    I'm not okay. I'm never going to be okay.

    It's hard going through life pretending you are happy but then crying behind close doors... When am I ever going to get this dark cloud away from me and just for once be happy like really happy...
    itslala840 itslala840 18-21, F Mar 17

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    Have you ever had days

    that you feel like you deserve everything that you're feeling? It's not exactly suicidal, but just knowing that you've ****** your life up so much that nothing could ever be the same? Just the idea of "relationships" makes you shudder. You're going to **** it up, somehow. You...
    HarleyQuinn326 HarleyQuinn326 22-25, F 2 Responses Nov 24, 2014

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    So lately I haven't really been feeling 100%.

    I know most of my other posts were really cheerful but I guess I was just trying to hide how I really felt with all that, why? I don't even know. My 'best friend' and I don't really talk as often as we used to, it seems like ill have to be the one who starts the conversation...
    PensiveEuphoria PensiveEuphoria 16-17, F Jul 15, 2014

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    Potchii Potchii 22-25, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Another day and another let down by a

    so called friend. Well this really helps my mistrust of people and feeling social isolation... Oh wait...no I'm lamenting on this site again. That's a bad thing. Although a somewhat common thing at this point. Add to this the fact my family is also extremely busy with social...
    NicoNever NicoNever 22-25, M 1 Response Apr 10

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    Panic sets in: the day was long,

    things settle down and you realize that the silence consumes. You grab more than you should; but, realize that although more than prescribed, you will wake in the morning. Thoughts... More thoughts... I grabbed the broken mirror and applied clown like makeup, not recognizing the...
    BethKristin BethKristin 36-40, F 1 Response Apr 16

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    My will to live is running out very quickly.

    Ah well. Nobody depends on me for anything. So no harm, no foul. I have decided that 15 years is my absolute limit. Which means May of 2018, if I remember correctly.
    Myzery Myzery 31-35, F 2 Responses Mar 4

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    My dream is to prove everyone wrong.

    My goal is for everyone's eyes to be wide open with their expressions on their faces full of surprise and their mouths wide open. I'll impress them all. My wish is for everything to be different. I'll have more respect, people wouldn't think less of me, I'll be proud of...
    torr62 torr62 13-15, F Jan 4

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    The anxiety is taking over,

    I feel as if I can barely breath, not organize a single thought or action, and I'm so, so tired.
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce 41-45, F 5 Responses Dec 5, 2014

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    These last couple of days have been the worst

    of my life, I found a lump in my underarm, I was worried but enough to go to the doc, but not that much. Cancer goes in my family, but I mean I'm 21.. I didn't seriously think of it. My sister yelled at me and called me a bunch of things for worrying enough to even go to the doc...
    lily449 lily449 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 27

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    I've been dealing with this

    for over 10 years now, most of this time I have been in a dark hole. It went as far as me losing all hope and even forgetting who I am, who I used to be before my depression. Recently I have been able to see some light. It's not easy, and I have bad days but I have after 10...
    lily449 lily449 18-21, F Mar 6

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    My story isn't as bad

    as most people's but I still suffer from it so.... When I was ten years old my parents started fighting a lot. More than ever. They threw things. yelled, chased each other, threated to hit one another. It was bad and in the eyes of a ten year old, she wanted to disappear. During...
    Littlemiss02 Littlemiss02 13-15, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    It's like one step forward

    and two steps back, and no matter what I do or how hard I try I'm never good enough. I'm so tired.... tired of people saying they care and they don't, tired of people coming into my life and leaving like it's nothing but more over I'm tired of being me. I cry myself to sleep for...
    keke1432 keke1432 18-21, F Mar 5

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    godtorturessoul godtorturessoul 13-15, M 3 Responses Apr 12

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    And now that familiarly uncomfortable part of

    the night begins, where I question everything and feel it all slip away. I start this night the same way I start every night, deciding wether or not to wake up tomorrow morning
    nohopekid nohopekid 18-21, M Nov 21, 2014

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    I constantly battle my anxiety.

    Right now I have so much on my plate, that I don't even know where to begin and I can feel the tension and anxiety building up inside of me. When this happens I tend to sit around doing nothing because I don't even know where to start....eventually the anxiety builds up so much...
    flightlessbird314 flightlessbird314 22-25, F 2 Responses Mar 25, 2014

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    I can't stop them. The whispers.

    .. I never will. They're devouring me completely, stripping me from every ounce of happiness. Plunging me deeper into the darkness...
    Meloryne Meloryne 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 17

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    I am my own worst enemy,

    but I am also my own best friend...
    Wolf1776 Wolf1776 18-21, M 1 Response Apr 13

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    I really need a girl to talk to About my

    depression self hate anxiety like me please at Amana.quill
    amanaquill7 amanaquill7 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 7

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    Monsters do not sleep under your bed,

    they sleep inside your head...
    Meloryne Meloryne 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 2

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    The loneliness is overwhelming.

    when I walk out,i envy everyone on the street.I feel empty,I feel like a dead body without soul.sometimes I eat too much,sometimes I don't eat at all.sometimes I sleep all day long,sometimes I don't sleep.sometimes I feel I am great,sometimes I feel like ****.it is so annoying.
    lesliechen lesliechen 22-25, F 2 Responses Apr 8

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    I'm a large woman and I've tried

    so many times to loose weight but I can never really commit to it. Lately I've been thinking that maybe if I forgave all of the people who teased me and tore down in school that I could move on. but how do you forgive the biggest hurt you've ever felt. how do you stop believing...
    beautybehindthefat beautybehindthefat 18-21, F 7 Responses Nov 22, 2014

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    rainyday10 rainyday10 22-25, M Mar 21

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    "We are all mad here.

    " "But do you know I am mad?" "You must be. Or else you never will have came here."
    GreenManley GreenManley 18-21, M 1 Response Dec 22, 2014

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    I'm in bed for the night

    and all that I can think about is how sad I am. Today I went to therapy and made a treatment plan, but also had to make a crisis plan for if I try to hurt or kill myself. I have to share it with my sister and brother in law tomorrow and I don't look forward to it. We lost my dad...
    Cranksta Cranksta 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 13, 2014

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    I Hate Me!!!

    We've all been there self loathing and wishing we weren't born... You question self and wonder if you should just end it!!! I know... I've tried several times since I was 12 yrs old! Believe it or not... There IS a purpose in you being with us... When you stop the self sabotage...
    Shewolfiie69 Shewolfiie69 36-40, F 7 Responses May 22, 2013

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    As usual, something good went bad.

    Really bad. I'm hanging on to something I should let go of because in order to let go, I'd have to inflict almost psychic damage on myself and also hurt someone else/look like a crazy ***** in the process. I'm literally trapped, inside of something that drives my anxiety through...
    Prisoner111 Prisoner111 31-35, F 1 Response Apr 2

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    This depression is killing me from the inside i

    havent stopped crying.My anxiety is also killing me.I'm afraid in case I have an anxiety attack or I will just die.I hate this so much I'm never happy
    MusicLover4Eternity MusicLover4Eternity 13-15, F 2 Responses Mar 30

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    I was diagnosed BPD for 3years.

    the feeling of empty and depressed become more and more ,it's overwhelming .is there anyone has the same issues or can understand it?i think I am breaking down.
    lesliechen lesliechen 22-25, F 2 Responses Mar 17

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    I battled self hatred had an ex tell me she

    didn't love me anymore so I was stupid and tried to end my life which would have in time not allowed me to meet my wife
    Bill19641111 Bill19641111 46-50, M 3 Responses Jan 19

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    Life

    I someone times feel low, lower the lowest thing i can think of...and i know i shouldnt but i can't help it. I start to think awful thoughts about myself and i know i dont believe them or atleast that i shouldnt but again i can't help it. Most of the time i just put on some...
    Jwolf1342 Jwolf1342 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 27, 2013

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    I don't know what to do anymore.

    . First of my apologies for my English, it all started when the civil war started in my "motherland" we had to leave my father behind, because we could not afford for him to come as well. We travelled to a neighbouring country with my paternal grandmother and my paternal aunts...
    Ms90cupcake Ms90cupcake 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 9

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    When it comes to this topic,

    I always start from some things that came about in my childhood. I am a sixteen-year-old girl, I have never been bullied or laughed at, but I have self-hatred, slight anxiety and depression. My condition might not be very serious, but I still suffer from them. I was almost...
    yifang yifang 16-17, F 23 hrs ago

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    I'm feeling down again.

    I swear everyone thinks I'm crazy and I'm not worth anything. It's so hard to hold in my emotions to avoid stressing others out. My mom thinks I have no friends and that no one would possibly be friends with a fool like me unless to make fun of me. She only sides with me if I...
    HowArtThou HowArtThou 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 19

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    hills to to march over,

    battles to fight, and wars to be won or lose... you told me to keep fighting, but than you refuse to answer my text, you beg me to make promises. and I told you I don't make promises I can't keep. you told me you love me, but where are you now? the tears ran down my face, the...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 2 Responses Feb 1

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    I have nothing and no one to live for.

    I'm scared to be around people my age because they'll judge me. No one cares and never will.
    hreinn hreinn 18-21, M 1 Response Mar 17

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    so... another week to pass

    and the only thing stopping my memory from all the triggers are these blasted pills. easy to overdose on them just cause that is what they are designed to do to hold the mind at still... but I'm still shattered inside. and there are times I'll cry from the pain. I'll talk to...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 3 Responses Jan 29

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    It gets harder and harder to get out of bed

    every day. I have so much to live for and be happy about, but I just can't. I hate my body, I hate myself. Why can't I do what I know I need to do...I just want to sleep. This isn't fair. How do I fix this??????
    salyerwife salyerwife 26-30, F 1 Response Mar 19

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    Self Reflections My skin is not a tough armor,

    its too thin and easily broken. The air i am inhaling is attenuating with each gasp for breath. My shins are quivering and small hairline fractures litter their outer most layers from too many end of my ropes falls to my knees. The heart that beats within my rib cage is tattered...
    writingmyrelease writingmyrelease 26-30, F 12 Responses Feb 2

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    I hate myself, I really do.

    My family love me more than anything. When I was little, I was a straight A student, exceptionally smart, talented and popular. When I started growing up it all changed, I don't have any real friends and my one true best friend doesn't understand, or have time for me. My dad...
    Anastasiathefreak Anastasiathefreak 13-15, F 1 Response Mar 11

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    I am just going to let it out.

    .I was physically abused by my father as a child and am still called names by him, worthless and stupid being the most often used. when I was 10 I was sexually assaulted by my cousin when no one was around. I have been suicidal I have cut to numb everything but you know what im...
    silverstar90 silverstar90 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 21

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    I'm 21 never had a job,

    I have anxiety and depression,I have suicidal thought,I have 1 friend at the moment, I'm scarred of driving cars, I've had multiple job offers but had too much anxiety to go back and give the jobs a try after getting the jobs. I would describe myself of having an avoidant...
    levrier levrier 18-21, F 5 Responses Apr 21

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    does anyone else play the happy role in front

    of other people and family just so they don't see how much ur hurting and suffering?
    rainyday10 rainyday10 22-25, M 1 Response Apr 13

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    Spring time is always

    so hard for me. Not as bad this year as others - thankfully - but this time of year I get very quiet, sullen and all I want to do is disappear. I start to get anxious about leaving the house - people might see me. my mood, internally, is like a roller coaster between nervous...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Mar 28, 2014

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    In runs in my family they say.

    Depression anxiety runs in my family. So it's my destiny to be depressed. To live a broken life. To have my soul tortured. To fall part daily. To worry about every little thing that I do wrong. To destroy my body with a razor. Slashing violently watching the blood seep from my...
    bubbles1085 bubbles1085 13-15, F 4 Responses Jul 22, 2014

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    emiliaalice emiliaalice 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 4

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