Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Battle Self-hatred, Anxiety, And Depression

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 3,967 People

    I have clinical depression / anxiety was

    diagnosed April of 2015 I'm 5"3 and gained 37 pounds in now 230 .. I was admitted to the hospital in the beginning of April due to a suicide attempt . I'm completed outpatient treatment but still recovering from this depression currently taking 20mg of Lexpro
    ForYouIwillWaitJoey ForYouIwillWaitJoey 18-21, F 3 Responses May 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    and it's time to return back to the hell to

    which I came from... I was happy with my friend and family here. but life is no movies or story book where the character lives happily ever after in the end... in real life... all good thing must have a ending. and it's generally never a good one. the Wiseman taught all us that...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 1 Response Jun 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My will to live is running out very quickly.

    Ah well. Nobody depends on me for anything. So no harm, no foul. I have decided that 15 years is my absolute limit. Which means May of 2018, if I remember correctly.
    Myzery Myzery 31-35, F 2 Responses Mar 4

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am going to write this

    because I am currently under going another bout of unhelpful behaviour. I am also telling myself to stop being critical of myself and maybe examine the facts. But the thing is, these three in a combination just hurt my head. Negative self though is a bit of problem here because...
    HelterSkelter1 HelterSkelter1 22-25, M 2 Responses May 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am my own worst enemy,

    but I am also my own best friend...
    Wolf1776 Wolf1776 18-21, M 1 Response Apr 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hello everyone,This is kind of a throwaway

    account, but I just kind of need to get some things off my chest, and I'd just like some support.Basically, I kind of hate everything about myself. I feel that I am a completely repulsive human being with no redeeming qualities.I'm not really good at anything in particular. I go...
    SonOfSanfordAndSon SonOfSanfordAndSon 18-21 1 Response May 6

    Your Response

    Cancel

    And now that familiarly uncomfortable part of

    the night begins, where I question everything and feel it all slip away. I start this night the same way I start every night, deciding wether or not to wake up tomorrow morning
    nohopekid nohopekid 18-21, M 1 Response Nov 21, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My depression is acting up,

    and I want to talk to my friends, but I don't want to burden them with my problems, I don't want them to hate me, and at the same time, I need to ask my mom if she lied to me about something and call my dad, and its irritating my anxiety and I just want to curl up but i hate...
    ThroughMyLips ThroughMyLips 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am a survivor of domestic abuse.

    He literally destroyed me. I went from being the happiest woman in the world to have found someone that loved me so much to feeling like the worst. He always told me everything he thought was wrong with me and how if I had never made him mad he wouldn't have hurt me and because...
    amandab34 amandab34 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 5

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Guys and gals, I am here to help

    if anyone wants a chat, it can be about anything! If you want to send a rant message but don't want me to reply then just add a little message in and I won't reply! I want to be here for you guys as much as possible ??
    fightingwithyou fightingwithyou 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm in bed for the night

    and all that I can think about is how sad I am. Today I went to therapy and made a treatment plan, but also had to make a crisis plan for if I try to hurt or kill myself. I have to share it with my sister and brother in law tomorrow and I don't look forward to it. We lost my dad...
    Cranksta Cranksta 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 13, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I can't stop them. The whispers.

    .. I never will. They're devouring me completely, stripping me from every ounce of happiness. Plunging me deeper into the darkness...
    Meloryne Meloryne 16-17, F 1 Response Mar 17

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am just going to let it out.

    .I was physically abused by my father as a child and am still called names by him, worthless and stupid being the most often used. when I was 10 I was sexually assaulted by my cousin when no one was around. I have been suicidal I have cut to numb everything but you know what im...
    silverstar90 silverstar90 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I don't know why but my depression is acting up.

    I just want to disappear and cease to exist, I feel all hollow on the inside. Like someone scooped out my insides on a plate. I want to curl up with someone and cuddle forever.
    ThroughMyLips ThroughMyLips 18-21, F 5 Responses Jun 17

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This is my first time posting on here,

    I thought I would give it a try and see if it helps. I've been battling depression and anxiety for four years. However, recently things have been escalating with my mood swings, anger, and sadness. I'm starting to feel like I'm taking my feelings out on others and start to...
    camile579 camile579 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 23

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "We are all mad here.

    " "But do you know I am mad?" "You must be. Or else you never will have came here."
    GreenManley GreenManley 18-21, M 1 Response Dec 22, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    well its been months

    since I posted mostly cause I don't have the net... its coming up on the anniversary of when me and her first met. in fact that day has come and gone. its coming up on that day she made it official between us... I've had people from here call me they're friends and such only to...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 1 Response May 14

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My friend has started her own blog about

    suffering depression and anxiety. Check it out! https://karabethb.wordpress.com/
    SupernovaxxGirl SupernovaxxGirl 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm struggling more now

    than I ever have before. I'm 21 years old and should be enjoying my "prime" years yet I'm so stuck in my head. I constantly worry what people think of me. I play scenarios over and over in my head. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy and I'm driving myself insane...
    sierramist240 sierramist240 18-21, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I've made supper three days in the past week,

    and all three i've had people not eat it, let it get cold, and plain out say I don't want that. It hurts and makes me feel depressed, like I'm not even useful enough to make supper, that I can't do even the simplest things And it just makes me hate myself more and remember...
    ThroughMyLips ThroughMyLips 18-21, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Hate Me!!!

    We've all been there self loathing and wishing we weren't born... You question self and wonder if you should just end it!!! I know... I've tried several times since I was 12 yrs old! Believe it or not... There IS a purpose in you being with us... When you stop the self sabotage...
    Shewolfiie69 Shewolfiie69 36-40, F 7 Responses May 22, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was bullied for 8 years straight

    and the things they said to me had gotten in my head it was around 6th grade when I tried to hurt my self my parents were never there for me and that was hard for me since then every night while everyone was sound asleep I would still be awake talking to myself and crying like...
    Mooksiecuddlepoof Mooksiecuddlepoof 18-21, F 4 Responses May 31

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I really don't understand what I'm doing is

    wrong! I sincerely try my best at making friends but somehow they always leave me . Most of the people ignore me . I don't understand what is it . I make it a point to treat everyone well . i wish one them could speak up!! Atleast so that I know what I'm doing is so wrong that...
    SuperConfused812 SuperConfused812 18-21, F May 18

    Your Response

    Cancel

    does anyone else play the happy role in front

    of other people and family just so they don't see how much ur hurting and suffering?
    rainyday10 rainyday10 22-25, M 2 Responses Apr 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I though it was a phase of puberty

    and hormones thay would pass. But it didn't. in Jr. year of high school, I began sneaking my parents pills, like Soma, Xanax, Vicodin, Codeine...I never got addicted, but they were heaven to my depressed and shy self. Once I got to college, I would only sneak pills when I was...
    beautifulblessedchild beautifulblessedchild 18-21, F 2 Responses May 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm 21 never had a job,

    I have anxiety and depression,I have suicidal thought,I have 1 friend at the moment, I'm scarred of driving cars, I've had multiple job offers but had too much anxiety to go back and give the jobs a try after getting the jobs. I would describe myself of having an avoidant...
    levrier levrier 18-21, F 5 Responses Apr 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Monsters do not sleep under your bed,

    they sleep inside your head...
    Meloryne Meloryne 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Went to the dr a few days ago I got blood work

    done and also had my medication increased ...again but the biggest thing I found out was that I've been diagnosed with chronic depression :( dose anyone else have chronic depression and if so what should I know about it and do I have to be on medication forever with it or is it...
    rainyday10 rainyday10 22-25, M Jun 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I can't seem to breathe from how disgusted I

    feel about myself. I try hard to make myself feel better but having a husband that makes me feel even more horrible doesn't help. I understand that people around the world have a tougher and harder life than me, I should feel blessed that my life not like that but I can't seem...
    Katkor Katkor 36-40, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I've been cutting more often lately,

    but tonight was the first time I made it bleed. It stings.
    Cranksta Cranksta 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 5

    Your Response

    Cancel

    so... another week to pass

    and the only thing stopping my memory from all the triggers are these blasted pills. easy to overdose on them just cause that is what they are designed to do to hold the mind at still... but I'm still shattered inside. and there are times I'll cry from the pain. I'll talk to...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 3 Responses Jan 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Summer is doing a hell of a job at bringing up

    some unwanted emotions. I'm hanging in there but it's been a little rough since school ended.
    CrazyHippieChick CrazyHippieChick 22-25 2 Responses May 18

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My story isn't as bad

    as most people's but I still suffer from it so.... When I was ten years old my parents started fighting a lot. More than ever. They threw things. yelled, chased each other, threated to hit one another. It was bad and in the eyes of a ten year old, she wanted to disappear. During...
    Littlemiss02 Littlemiss02 13-15, F Apr 27

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Self Reflections My skin is not a tough armor,

    its too thin and easily broken. The air i am inhaling is attenuating with each gasp for breath. My shins are quivering and small hairline fractures litter their outer most layers from too many end of my ropes falls to my knees. The heart that beats within my rib cage is tattered...
    writingmyrelease writingmyrelease 26-30, F 12 Responses Feb 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Life

    I someone times feel low, lower the lowest thing i can think of...and i know i shouldnt but i can't help it. I start to think awful thoughts about myself and i know i dont believe them or atleast that i shouldnt but again i can't help it. Most of the time i just put on some...
    Jwolf1342 Jwolf1342 18-21, M 1 Response Jan 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm going through a lot right now.

    My parents divorced 5 years ago and separated 2-1/2 years ago. Since then I've been learning the truth about their failed marriage, that my early childhood was very unstable and I was abused (verbally) for many years. My parents' marriage was not what I was led to believe. As...
    JWonderiffic JWonderiffic 36-40, M Jun 7

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Depression is my life.

    I don't cut. I never tried to kill myself before ( only once when I was young and stupid, so it doesn't count). I don't dress up in black and hate the world. I was a happy child. I had a normal childhood. And now I want that happiness back. No matter how. My whole life, I...
    Extrano Extrano 18-21, F 4 Responses May 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Battle my Self-hatred everyday,

    I look in the mirror and I hate the way I look .... I have stretch marks on my tummy now, and it's something I can't bare to look at. I hate that I have allowed myself to fall so far... I was always pudgy as a little girl and it grew into something that got out of control. I am...
    AudreyMarilyn AudreyMarilyn 22-25, F 1 Response Jun 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I just need to let my feelings out.

    .. I've been dealing with this for about 3 years now. I feel so lonely, and cry all the time. I can't talk to my friends because I'm scared they will get tired of my constant sadness and push me away. I can't talk to my parents because they wouldn't understand. They think...
    stephxnie stephxnie 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Have you ever had days

    that you feel like you deserve everything that you're feeling? It's not exactly suicidal, but just knowing that you've ****** your life up so much that nothing could ever be the same? Just the idea of "relationships" makes you shudder. You're going to **** it up, somehow. You...
    HarleyQuinn326 HarleyQuinn326 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 24, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The anxiety is taking over,

    I feel as if I can barely breath, not organize a single thought or action, and I'm so, so tired.
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce 41-45, F 5 Responses Dec 5, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm starting to give up all over again.

    I think it's time to go.
    jazakar01 jazakar01 16-17, M 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's always a Catch-22.

    Them: "If you're so depressed, why are you putting on a front and pretending to be happy like nothing is wrong? Just be yourself." Me: "Fine" *gets all mopey and depressing" Them: "Whoa dude. Stop bringing me down and bumming me out! I can't talk to someone that's negative...
    Tuva Tuva 31-35, M 1 Response May 24

    Your Response

    Cancel

    hills to to march over,

    battles to fight, and wars to be won or lose... you told me to keep fighting, but than you refuse to answer my text, you beg me to make promises. and I told you I don't make promises I can't keep. you told me you love me, but where are you now? the tears ran down my face, the...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 2 Responses Feb 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm feeling down again.

    I swear everyone thinks I'm crazy and I'm not worth anything. It's so hard to hold in my emotions to avoid stressing others out. My mom thinks I have no friends and that no one would possibly be friends with a fool like me unless to make fun of me. She only sides with me if I...
    HowArtThou HowArtThou 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 19

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Spring time is always

    so hard for me. Not as bad this year as others - thankfully - but this time of year I get very quiet, sullen and all I want to do is disappear. I start to get anxious about leaving the house - people might see me. my mood, internally, is like a roller coaster between nervous...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Mar 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel