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I Battle Self-hatred, Anxiety, And Depression

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 4,327 People

    For more than half my life I have battled.

    Diagnosed early at 19 with bipolar thrusted into my 1st major episode. Those that dnt know & say just snap out of it Ive wanted to smack the **** out of. Ignorance is bliss& must be so easy to be able to just get up outta bed& go abt your life. Its not that simple. Its life...
    Sugasug Sugasug 41-45, M 3 Responses Jul 20

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    So I joined EP a few weeks ago coming from a

    background of extremely low self-esteem and terrible body image and no self worth. I could never find anyone near me who was a part of the site, but met some awesome guys on here who really helped me to think I was attractive. I began to think that maybe someone who could see...
    Others2468 Others2468 31-35, M 1 Response Jul 23

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    As the years past by.

    .. I've grown to hate myself more and more. I see zero good in myself. I see zero quality in myself. I see an ugly person. I see a **** up. I have nothing to show for myself. I feel so alone sometimes, even when physically surrounded by people. I don't feel good enough. I hate...
    cinnamongirlbri cinnamongirlbri 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 6

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    I live at home with mom

    and dad, it's the only place in the world where I feel like I belong at all. I love my family, they are everything to me. But the moment I step outdoors, and drives to the city, which is half an hour away with car, (because we live in the city far away from people which I highly...
    Onyxheart93 Onyxheart93 18-21, F Jul 20

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    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jul 18

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    I Hate Me!!!

    We've all been there self loathing and wishing we weren't born... You question self and wonder if you should just end it!!! I know... I've tried several times since I was 12 yrs old! Believe it or not... There IS a purpose in you being with us... When you stop the self sabotage...
    Shewolfiie69 Shewolfiie69 36-40, F 7 Responses May 22, 2013

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    My will to live is running out very quickly.

    Ah well. Nobody depends on me for anything. So no harm, no foul. I have decided that 15 years is my absolute limit. Which means May of 2018, if I remember correctly.
    Myzery Myzery 31-35, F 2 Responses Mar 4

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    "We are all mad here.

    " "But do you know I am mad?" "You must be. Or else you never will have came here."
    GreenManley GreenManley 18-21, M 1 Response Dec 22, 2014

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    I dramatize a lot of things.

    I am my own worst enemy. I feel like I imagine so much and feel crazy for it, always expecting the absolute worst of everyone. But then I think, how can they not be thinking it. We're only human right? I mean, if I thought it then they probably did too. And if not, does that...
    mahd649 mahd649 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 10

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    And it's getting hard to fight

    but I am trying my best.
    yourcutelittlejo yourcutelittlejo 16-17, F 1 Response a week ago

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    Monsters do not sleep under your bed,

    they sleep inside your head...
    Meloryne Meloryne 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 2

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    The anxiety is taking over,

    I feel as if I can barely breath, not organize a single thought or action, and I'm so, so tired.
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce 41-45, F 5 Responses Dec 5, 2014

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    If there were ever a failure,

    it is me. I am 19 years old and still need 2 credits to graduate. I am set up for ADULT high school. I am currently the assistant manager of a restaurant I hate. I spent my teenage life working night shift full-time. I have no friends, too many previous families that aren't...
    perrytctctc perrytctctc 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 1

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    right now I'm dealing with

    so much, I'm not happy, and no matter what I do I can't find happiness. I can't help but feel alone. I had found a true friend, a confidant, and then she let me go, just like that. everyday I ask myself "am I really that easy to let go of?"
    Rache06 Rache06 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 1

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    does anyone else play the happy role in front

    of other people and family just so they don't see how much ur hurting and suffering?
    rainyday10 rainyday10 22-25, M 1 Response Apr 13

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    so... another week to pass

    and the only thing stopping my memory from all the triggers are these blasted pills. easy to overdose on them just cause that is what they are designed to do to hold the mind at still... but I'm still shattered inside. and there are times I'll cry from the pain. I'll talk to...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 3 Responses Jan 29

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    I'm so tired of all of it.

    Every time I look in the mirror, I only see things I hate. If I do see something I like, it's overshadowed immediately. Put my self-hatred on top of my anxiety and depression, and you get someone who is tired of fighting. I've had depression for 9 years, 8 of them undiagnosed...
    Vysyn Vysyn 18-21, F 4 Responses Jul 5

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    Self Reflections My skin is not a tough armor,

    its too thin and easily broken. The air i am inhaling is attenuating with each gasp for breath. My shins are quivering and small hairline fractures litter their outer most layers from too many end of my ropes falls to my knees. The heart that beats within my rib cage is tattered...
    writingmyrelease writingmyrelease 26-30, F 12 Responses Feb 2

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    when your all alone..

    . no one to talk to, no one to hold, when trust in others and yourself is a issue... thoughts flow for the purpose you exist in this life... and it hurts... I want to cry but there is no point to cry. crying doesn't bring ur life back in to focus. it doesn't bring happiness...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 1 Response Jul 7

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    Have you ever had days

    that you feel like you deserve everything that you're feeling? It's not exactly suicidal, but just knowing that you've ****** your life up so much that nothing could ever be the same? Just the idea of "relationships" makes you shudder. You're going to **** it up, somehow. You...
    HarleyQuinn326 HarleyQuinn326 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 24, 2014

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    I am just going to let it out.

    .I was physically abused by my father as a child and am still called names by him, worthless and stupid being the most often used. when I was 10 I was sexually assaulted by my cousin when no one was around. I have been suicidal I have cut to numb everything but you know what im...
    silverstar90 silverstar90 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 21

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    This is my first time posting on here,

    I thought I would give it a try and see if it helps. I've been battling depression and anxiety for four years. However, recently things have been escalating with my mood swings, anger, and sadness. I'm starting to feel like I'm taking my feelings out on others and start to...
    camile579 camile579 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 23

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    My story isn't as bad

    as most people's but I still suffer from it so.... When I was ten years old my parents started fighting a lot. More than ever. They threw things. yelled, chased each other, threated to hit one another. It was bad and in the eyes of a ten year old, she wanted to disappear. During...
    Littlemiss02 Littlemiss02 13-15, F Apr 27

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    My day went decent, had a fight with my

    boyfriend over the fact that I self harmed, we are ok though at least I hope so I'm so in love with him.
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 18

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    I was doing good for a few months

    and then suddenly I realize I'm going right back where I was. I'm scared and frustrated. I WORKED SO HARD!! If I fall again I know this time I'll lose the few remaining friends I have and the support of my family. I just know it! I don't want to be alone. I'm afraid of being...
    solivagant86 solivagant86 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 10

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    civix22 civix22 18-21, M 4 days ago

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    I just want to curl up

    and cry and I don't know why. I should be happy. I got to see sissy, i get to go to the con, I have fantastic friends and amazing cosplay and my anxiety is through the roof because of something that didn't show up on my school records. I just want to scream and make it stop and...
    ThroughMyLips ThroughMyLips 18-21, F Jul 6

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    I've been crawled up inside myself

    for so long. I'm scared to talk to my friends... I don't know why. I feel so alone, broken, numb. I have nothing to look forward to.
    Lemons2000 Lemons2000 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 19

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    I'm feeling down again.

    I swear everyone thinks I'm crazy and I'm not worth anything. It's so hard to hold in my emotions to avoid stressing others out. My mom thinks I have no friends and that no one would possibly be friends with a fool like me unless to make fun of me. She only sides with me if I...
    HowArtThou HowArtThou 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 19

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    This depression is killing me from the inside i

    havent stopped crying.My anxiety is also killing me.I'm afraid in case I have an anxiety attack or I will just die.I hate this so much I'm never happy
    MusicLover4Eternity MusicLover4Eternity 13-15, F 3 Responses Mar 30

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    i always know that the people i love most dont

    like me, they think im ugly and i dont mean anything for them. but the worst rhing is that i cant talk to anyone about it, and thinkinf about it makes me cold... very cold
    sendy23 sendy23 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 14

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    what do you experience during your depression

    episodes. mine gets painful. really painful. i eventually feel pain in my head and i lose interest in everything and nothing really matters. to the point that you dont want to live anymore. you cant get the thoughts out of your head. where its a vicious unending cycle. and you...
    screechowl83 screechowl83 31-35, M 1 Response Jul 12

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    I've made supper three days in the past week,

    and all three i've had people not eat it, let it get cold, and plain out say I don't want that. It hurts and makes me feel depressed, like I'm not even useful enough to make supper, that I can't do even the simplest things And it just makes me hate myself more and remember...
    ThroughMyLips ThroughMyLips 18-21, F 4 Responses Jul 1

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    It's always a Catch-22.

    Them: "If you're so depressed, why are you putting on a front and pretending to be happy like nothing is wrong? Just be yourself." Me: "Fine" *gets all mopey and depressing" Them: "Whoa dude. Stop bringing me down and bumming me out! I can't talk to someone that's negative...
    Tuva Tuva 31-35, M 1 Response May 24

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    I though it was a phase of puberty

    and hormones thay would pass. But it didn't. in Jr. year of high school, I began sneaking my parents pills, like Soma, Xanax, Vicodin, Codeine...I never got addicted, but they were heaven to my depressed and shy self. Once I got to college, I would only sneak pills when I was...
    beautifulblessedchild beautifulblessedchild 18-21, F 2 Responses May 22

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    this past year was hard,

    this next year will be harder.... my life us crashing..... I don't know what to do..... I want to slit my wrist, I want to take all the pillscin the medicine cabinet..... I try to talk to my friends about it but they make me feel like **** then I get deeply depressed..... i...
    100BlackRoses 100BlackRoses 16-17, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Hate breaking down I ******* hate it

    why do I have to be in so much pain.
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jul 18

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    Summer is doing a hell of a job at bringing up

    some unwanted emotions. I'm hanging in there but it's been a little rough since school ended.
    CrazyHippieChick CrazyHippieChick 22-25 2 Responses May 18

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    I'm starting to give up all over again.

    I think it's time to go.
    jazakar01 jazakar01 16-17, M 1 Response Jul 2

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    have you ever just sat there

    and started thinking about your life and soon enough you realize that you have no reason to be alive all you've done is hurt the people who were trying to help you and now they're gone and you are alone
    Midnightmoonwolf Midnightmoonwolf 13-15, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Guys and gals, I am here to help

    if anyone wants a chat, it can be about anything! If you want to send a rant message but don't want me to reply then just add a little message in and I won't reply! I want to be here for you guys as much as possible ??
    fightingwithyou fightingwithyou 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 16

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    hills to to march over,

    battles to fight, and wars to be won or lose... you told me to keep fighting, but than you refuse to answer my text, you beg me to make promises. and I told you I don't make promises I can't keep. you told me you love me, but where are you now? the tears ran down my face, the...
    lostunit lostunit 26-30, M 2 Responses Feb 1

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    My depression is acting up,

    and I want to talk to my friends, but I don't want to burden them with my problems, I don't want them to hate me, and at the same time, I need to ask my mom if she lied to me about something and call my dad, and its irritating my anxiety and I just want to curl up but i hate...
    ThroughMyLips ThroughMyLips 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 21

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    they say talk about your feelings,

    they say there is help and support. they also that the dark days will pass, but what they don't understand is that those dark days cause storms that may destroy you to the point where you can't find the energy to go out and see the brighter days. it's not easy to express one's...
    Rache06 Rache06 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 22

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    I don't know why but my depression is acting up.

    I just want to disappear and cease to exist, I feel all hollow on the inside. Like someone scooped out my insides on a plate. I want to curl up with someone and cuddle forever.
    ThroughMyLips ThroughMyLips 18-21, F 5 Responses Jun 17

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    I've been cutting more often lately,

    but tonight was the first time I made it bleed. It stings.
    Cranksta Cranksta 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 5

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