Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device
If you are in a crisis, please call for help: 1-800-273-8255, or 1-800-784-2433 (available 24/7). More resources available here.

I Battle With Suicidal Thoughts

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 516 People

    Ongoing..

    It's a battle I fear I will fight in for the rest of my life. So long as I feel as deeply as I do now, so long as I am able to fall as fast as I can now. I don't talk about it outside of EP. No one knows. Which is good because it's not something to take lightly Honestly, it makes...
    Girlonwire Girlonwire 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Pain I've Felt

    I have made attempts my rape started this I feel I have nothing
    Applelovergod Applelovergod 22-25 2 Responses Sep 3, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Have What More Do You Want........

      I have tried to get some help before but I always seem to say the wrong things and then they just disappear.  About a month ago one night the darkness was clouding my mind I was sitting holding a gun to my head working at finding some courage to pull that trigger...
    Blind Blind 36-40, F 3 Responses Aug 20, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Life

    I grew up in a loveless home. Where I had to fight my siblings and my mother was an alcoholic. I didnt know what love was so I started to do anything to have my mother and sister love me. They both treated me like dirt. Well my mother just sort of ignored me and my sister beat me...
    chip2005 chip2005 41-45 Dec 19, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Note

    There are so many things in this world that I love, and that make me happy. But that doesn't matter anymore. Someone has taken my joy and I will never be the same again. I can't pretend anymore. Who am I without my nightmares and my tears? Who is here with me now. No one. There...
    Gehnta Gehnta 22-25, F Jan 30, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    She Knows

    My partner found out that I am posting in ep and talking on the net and she reacted exactly the way I expected, hence the reason I did not tell her. She freaked out I tried to explain but she does not listen she thinks I am having an affair of some shorts. She has no idea...
    Blind Blind 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 14, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Almost Daily

    I battle with the issue of suicide very regularly because I am always trying to please everyone else. I do for others like I would like others to do for me, but don't get the return favors. I battle with depression, loneliness, low self-esteem, etc. and it makes me wonder if...
    Bubbles48509 Bubbles48509 36-40, F Jan 28, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All Consuming .

    I have them all the time , it's like a voice picking away at my brain day in and day out . Most of the time I can push them away and get on with my day but other times they wear me down .  I know what I have to live for but I'm so tired , so so tired of fighting them . I knock...
    certifiable certifiable 70+, F 3 Responses Oct 17, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Could Be A Director

           I was sitting on a ledge of a high parking building. The building was 7 floors high, 7 large floors. I had just snuck away from my significant other while he sat on the curb at the bus terminal reading a real estate brochure. I looked over his shoulder and saw all...
    INSPIREe INSPIREe 18-21, F 3 Responses May 9, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Help . .

    I'm a 16 year old Dominican Girl , Grew up in a community where hatred was number 1 , Currently have a supportive boyfriend for 7 months and means so much to me, have a little sister who has a mind of a 8 or 9 year old but is the age of 14 , My parents are old-fashioned and...
    TheGirlwithnowords TheGirlwithnowords 16-17 Jun 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unreasonable :(

    He is lost and cant find his way out. Constantly searching but no one is there. Confusion fills his blue skies to grey clouds. His world spinning upside down. When will he reach the ground? No one knows, no one cares. Alone in a world he is not immune to. He wants to leave, he...
    feelingmisplaced feelingmisplaced 22-25, T Jun 21, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dont Know What Else To Do But Tell The Truth

    hi I'm 23 years old and find myself constantly having suicidal thoughts. i always been overly sensitive and suffer from anxiety and you would think now that I'm older i wouldn't give a **** bout what people think, but the  problem is it consume me. it keep me from enjoying life...
    kimmie1228 kimmie1228 22-25 Apr 8, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Story

    I don't really understand it. The thoughts are there alot of the time, but then they do go away, sometimes they are strong, wereas other times they aren't so bad. The hard thing is though when it comes down to it, the main thing I think of, is we're gonna die anyway, and if...
    sezy sezy 16-17, F 1 Response Aug 8, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    To Be Honest.....

    Even though I want to become a PI and/or bodyguard, the idea of carrying a pistol bothers me.  I think that if life becomes too overwhelming, I'll definitely use it to shoot myself.
    rorschach246 rorschach246 18-21, M Nov 27, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Worthless

    I've spent 10 years self harming in one way or another, and the last 6 years in and out of the psychiatric ward. I feel like I've achieved nothing with my life,and never will. I feel useless and worthless, and constantly think that it would be better if I was dead.
    flowingtears flowingtears 22-25, F 1 Response Jan 3, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Battle Most of the Time

    Almost everyday I battle suicidal thoughts. Do a lot of stuff to my self not caring if I live or die. What ever happens I don't care. I tried a lot of different stuff to change my mind set. Always back fires because of me or because of  somebody else. So I' m back to...
    DND DND 26-30, M 5 Responses Jul 5, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Almost Daily

    This is something that has plagued me for some time now and I am only now beginning to feel comfortable discussing it. At 13 I attempted suicide by swallowing a bottle of hydrogen peroxide. It burned horribly but I survived with out hospitalization. At 21 I took a bottle of...
    tkhaler1987 tkhaler1987 26-30 3 Responses Dec 2, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hum...the Title Says It All...

    There isn´t one day I don´t think about it. Sometimes I manage to take it off my mind, sometimes I just can´t. I´ve come as far as looking for the less painful ways of doing it on google...and only got helplines :-/   In reality, I don´t...
    Lola009 Lola009 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 29, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Someone To Talk To Before It's Too Late.

    Hi, my name is Cheyenne. I am only 14. Lately I have been having a lot of suicidal thoughts and have even attempted to commit suicide and more than once. I would really like to chat with someone abouth this and i don't want someone to just tell me it will be okay because ive had...
    superflychy superflychy 13-15 1 Response May 23, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's Next

    You know how it is when you're up late at night watching tv, surfing the web, playing xbox, reading a book, or whatever it is that you do, and you're really tired, and you know you should go to bed but you just don't want to yet?  I mean, part of you wants to because you're...
    eromreven eromreven 26-30 5 Responses Jan 26, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Shades Of Pain

    its rough to live my life this way i am slipping away more day to day at times i wonder if 'all this' is real are people just little cut out figurines cause the world is so scary and strange so it seems and no one to mirror my pain and my dreams therefore maybe some comfort to...
    lunadelobos lunadelobos 41-45 5 Responses Jan 16, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No More Fighting

    How can we keep fighting, when there is no strength anymore. When we know we can't win the fight alone. But there's no help. No support. No re-enforcements. It wants to isolate us. To make us fight alone. When we stand before it, trying to battle it, alone, it just gets stronger...
    Cursedboy Cursedboy 36-40, M 5 Responses Oct 7, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Hate My Life

    Theres just soo much going on in my life right now, and everytime i try to make things better, my sister makes things worst. MSSG ME if yu wanna discuss...i don't think about it 24/7, it just comes up. the pain is overbearing and i cant take **** anymore.
    GraceBS GraceBS 16-18, F 4 Responses Jul 22, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Hate This Life

    you know the guy whos dad walked out on his mom at 8 years old the guy who struggled to make friends through teenage years the guy who girls were never interested in the guy who used to go out at 20/21/22/23 who tried to talk to girls but was too shy the guy who had his first...
    defoekeane defoekeane 36-40, M 1 Response Aug 9, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dancing With The Devil

    Depression and suicide thinking are feelings I know very well. It takes my whole life and being, and controls every part of my hopeless days of pain and sorrow. I have had depression ever since I was 13. There was nothing that caused my depression, I had a great childhood, family...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Nov 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Thoughts Scream ..

    The thoughts are loud. Screaming at me. I've a radio on, the TV, and a music CD on the computer, just try try and make enough noise so I can distract it enough so I won't feel it for a little while. I just want this feeling to go away. It won't let me sleep. I feel it there, in...
    Cursedboy Cursedboy 36-40, M 3 Responses Aug 10, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Now

    This has never happened to me before Yes I've thought about dying countless of times But I've never had these thoughts in my head I think about them all the time now How no one cares about me now So no one will care about me when I'm gone No one knows I exist only two do And one...
    InmemoryofLifelessStar InmemoryofLifelessStar 18-21, F 1 Response May 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    In a Moment of Darkness

    You are fighting to survive why? You feel like you are drowning. There isn't anyone who could possibly understand what you are feeling because YOU don't understand it yourself. Your moods go from sad to sucidal in a blink. You are afraid. Afraid of life,death,yourself. You stand...
    Blind Blind 36-40, F 1 Response Aug 20, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Guess This Is My Note.

    I had a good run. But people don't like me, and all I wanted was a few friends. But no. No, no, no. At least nobody will miss me. The only friend I ever had was a cat, Charlie. My mother never stood up for me, my father abandoned me, and my step dad beat me. Haha, those were the...
    TheOneWithManyNames TheOneWithManyNames 18-21 Feb 7, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Good

    Wherever I turn, all I hear is I'm no good. I try to believe I'm good, but honestly...I feel like I'm lying to myself. What good is there for me? I'm all by myself, no love, no joy...No nothing. For the past few weeks all I could think of was being gone. And I think I'll be gone...
    Jeanellaisha Jeanellaisha 22-25, F Feb 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Had A Bad Night

    had a fuzzy brain all night with bad thoughts and dreams it plagues me and causes very negative feelings I will have to talk to the doctor more about this when it happens it is hell ...like life is not worth living
    IceEntice IceEntice 36-40, F Aug 22, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Cant Take It Anymore

    hi, im 12 years old and im living in hell my parents obviosly love my brother morehes 26 he started using drugs at  a young age around 17 then we move from the beautiful california to arkansas a place where theres nothing to do so kids my age smoke weed, have sex and drink my...
    Stress500 Stress500 13-15 2 Responses May 12, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is There A Light @ The End Of The Tunnel???

    Been feeling particularly bad again. Can't get out of this funk, but whats new!! Have a great paying job, roof over my head but just am not happy... : ( I try and fake happy for the sake of sparing my coworkers and boyfriend from the terrible wave of self hate and depression...
    hollowsusie hollowsusie 41-45, F Jun 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So They Say...

    We are supposed to be ashamed of crying out for help. I'm more afraid of your judgments and more bullshit stress than I am of dragging the blade across my wrists. We'll see who wins in the end.
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jun 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Can't Take It Anymore

    every day i wake up with the same thoughts in my head, dark ones and i just feel so angry and sad and depressed. i am an university student, premed and the anxiety and the stress are killing me. My parents won't even let me move out and they are suffocating me. they always prefer...
    death01 death01 18-21, F Sep 16, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hanging On The Edge

    I am a 22 year old mother of one. These last couple years i have been battling depression, suffering anxiety attacks & stressed out to the max. My only friend i had i just loss..i dnt really have contact with my family. I am constantly facing financial problems & weigh gain. My...
    23plzhelpme 23plzhelpme 22-25 2 Responses Apr 20, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Living A Lie

    "I care about you", "I love you", "I'll always be there for you", "I'll miss you". Everyone in this group must've heard those words from people when expressing their suicidal thoughts. To me those words are the biggest lies. People have just been saying them to say, never...
    Jeanellaisha Jeanellaisha 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Head Is Spinning

    not sure where 2 start,i have a muscular disease,chronic asthma+diabetes,im mostly house bound+have been told im very like;y 2 have a heart attack,with all this stuff going on,i often think whats the point,some times my body is so numb that i want 2 cut myself just 2 feel...
    spencerried spencerried 26-30, M Jan 18, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Because Life Is Lackluster

    I do not intend to air out any dirty laundry or tell a sob story here. I just wanted to express that my suicidal thoughts stem from the joy of life being seemingly non existent. I used to love life. Love doing things, love people. Over time, my life situations and other...
    kha185 kha185 22-25, M 2 Responses Mar 29, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Alone

        human life full of sorrow full of woe     but still we endure we choose to live we still find joy within the sorrow     must there be a meaningmust...
    annie12550 annie12550 41-45, F 1 Response Apr 13, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Nothing Left

    I'm 15, which i guess is a typical age to be sad. back in november i had a boyfriend that i fell for instantly-he is not my problem this is just where it all began. i pretty much sucked up all time that i had to be with him. including school. i am completely over my ex boyfriend...
    lilybug9621 lilybug9621 16-17 May 20, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Inexplicably Lonely

    Through most of my life I was convinced that if I find true love everything else would somehow fall into place. Today I'm in a comfortable relationship and have been for a few years, and I realize that it didn't solve my depression or my loneliness. It's still hard to see that I...
    singmetosleep singmetosleep 22-25, F Jun 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Trainstopper

    i tried to kill myself by being hit by a train... twice. (Last winter & spring) obviously im still here. I swear i never got any "better" each day i feel the heartache that brings me agony, im really good at smiling and going on aparently though since nobody noticed anything...
    sewXmyselfXshut sewXmyselfXshut 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 19, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's Real, Therefor Hell...

    Since I first started getting these thoughts and feelings, not one day has the urge sub-sided. There are no good days with this. Each day is just an excersize in delay. It is a trip because, until the beginning of the summer I never had these thoughts. And, to this day I can...
    EricS EricS 31-35, M 5 Responses Oct 5, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hopeless

    Trailing from a rose red smile liquid red A sweet caress A razors touch Memories of ages,gone Life,a bitter dream Bewildered No longer I drain the silent scream Finality of fatality And still no escape!!!
    Spitbak Spitbak 41-45, M 1 Response Jan 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sucidal?Depressed?Upset?Read This...

    Are you thinking about suicide? Thinking about how, if you killed yourself, nobody would care? Think again. If you kill yourself you will change somebodies world. That's right. They will see everything differently. Just hearing your name will burn their mind with memores. They...
    prettybrowneyes1993 prettybrowneyes1993 18-21, F Feb 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why?

    why do i bother to fight? why do i bother to keep on surviving,and existing? i was in this,relationship,with this girl. she was, very a very unique person,to me. so i fell,for her,rather hard. i told her how i felt.and she responded the same back. i love you,i said. and i...
    VoloNoscere VoloNoscere 26-30, M 2 Responses Jul 28, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Help"

    Right. That's just the thing, I don't want it. I keep thinking about the world I live in, how people act, all the pain and suffering, all the worrying, the anxiousness, the difficulties, lack of money, lack of sleep, working crazily just to survive, lose the people I love on the...
    womaninchains womaninchains 22-25, F Sep 8, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Not?

    I can see the pills. They're right there. Ready to be popped along with some vodka. I keep telling myself not to...But every time I say so, I ask myself...Why not? Why would I not just take them and finally end my pain? Why would I not just take myself away? Should I stay for...
    Jeanellaisha Jeanellaisha 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 23, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Life

    Life just keeps getting me down.. It seems like everything I try to do ends up failing.. I feel like total crap all the time.. I just don't want to get out of bed anymore and I keep thinking those thoughts of going back to cutting.. I just feel like I'm fading away and not...
    Crimsonstorm Crimsonstorm 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 5, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Bottled Happiness

    I think we all at least think about doing it, I think it;s just a matter of some of us can push those thoughts away better then others. I used to be one of those people... However a year ago I about gave in with a bottle of Tylenol PM, there were eight in there. Somehow a...
    MirandaJMaddox MirandaJMaddox 26-30, F 3 Responses Jul 31, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel