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I Battle With Suicidal Thoughts

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 535 People

    I Guess This Is My Note.

    I had a good run. But people don't like me, and all I wanted was a few friends. But no. No, no, no. At least nobody will miss me. The only friend I ever had was a cat, Charlie. My mother never stood up for me, my father abandoned me, and my step dad beat me. Haha, those were the...
    TheOneWithManyNames TheOneWithManyNames 18-21 Feb 7, 2013

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    Everyday Is Exactly The Same

    It has been occurring more and more frequently now. I feel tired all the time, but sleep doesn't rejuvenate me. I sleep no more than 2 hours at a time. I do not eat well, and not only eat when hunger becomes too unbearable to ignore. I have always let my heart and emotions lead...
    lostnsad101 lostnsad101 31-35, F 1 Response Oct 20, 2011

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    I Hate This Life

    you know the guy whos dad walked out on his mom at 8 years old the guy who struggled to make friends through teenage years the guy who girls were never interested in the guy who used to go out at 20/21/22/23 who tried to talk to girls but was too shy the guy who had his first...
    defoekeane defoekeane 36-40, M 1 Response Aug 9, 2012

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    Chronic Suicidal Thoughts Question

    For someone with chronic suicidal thoughts, at what point is the ideation bad enough to seek more help than you are already receiving? My suicidal thoughts have been at a 7 all day every day. I've between in and out of treatments for over a year for this now brought on by ptsd...
    phoenixxsky7 phoenixxsky7 22-25 Jul 8, 2013

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    Bottled Happiness

    I think we all at least think about doing it, I think it;s just a matter of some of us can push those thoughts away better then others. I used to be one of those people... However a year ago I about gave in with a bottle of Tylenol PM, there were eight in there. Somehow a...
    MirandaJMaddox MirandaJMaddox 26-30, F 3 Responses Jul 31, 2007

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    Sucidal?Depressed?Upset?Read This...

    Are you thinking about suicide? Thinking about how, if you killed yourself, nobody would care? Think again. If you kill yourself you will change somebodies world. That's right. They will see everything differently. Just hearing your name will burn their mind with memores. They...
    prettybrowneyes1993 prettybrowneyes1993 18-21, F Feb 11, 2013

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    To Be Honest.....

    Even though I want to become a PI and/or bodyguard, the idea of carrying a pistol bothers me.  I think that if life becomes too overwhelming, I'll definitely use it to shoot myself.
    rorschach246 rorschach246 18-21, M Nov 27, 2009

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    Because Life Is Lackluster

    I do not intend to air out any dirty laundry or tell a sob story here. I just wanted to express that my suicidal thoughts stem from the joy of life being seemingly non existent. I used to love life. Love doing things, love people. Over time, my life situations and other...
    kha185 kha185 22-25, M 2 Responses Mar 29, 2011

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    Hum...the Title Says It All...

    There isn´t one day I don´t think about it. Sometimes I manage to take it off my mind, sometimes I just can´t. I´ve come as far as looking for the less painful ways of doing it on google...and only got helplines :-/   In reality, I don´t...
    Lola009 Lola009 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 29, 2008

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    Planned But Fighting

    Tried too many times. First attempt was at 6 and still attempting now at 21. It doesn't end.Why? It started as a result of the abuse as a kid, then when my friends abandoned me, by then I believed the lies my parents told me and thought I'd be better off dead.Recently after a...
    drakneko drakneko 22-25, T Jun 13, 2013

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    My Head Is Spinning

    not sure where 2 start,i have a muscular disease,chronic asthma+diabetes,im mostly house bound+have been told im very like;y 2 have a heart attack,with all this stuff going on,i often think whats the point,some times my body is so numb that i want 2 cut myself just 2 feel...
    spencerried spencerried 26-30, M Jan 18, 2011

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    I Can't Take It Anymore

    every day i wake up with the same thoughts in my head, dark ones and i just feel so angry and sad and depressed. i am an university student, premed and the anxiety and the stress are killing me. My parents won't even let me move out and they are suffocating me. they always prefer...
    death01 death01 18-21, F Sep 16, 2013

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    No Good

    Wherever I turn, all I hear is I'm no good. I try to believe I'm good, but honestly...I feel like I'm lying to myself. What good is there for me? I'm all by myself, no love, no joy...No nothing. For the past few weeks all I could think of was being gone. And I think I'll be gone...
    Jeanellaisha Jeanellaisha 22-25, F Feb 6, 2013

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    So They Say...

    We are supposed to be ashamed of crying out for help. I'm more afraid of your judgments and more bullshit stress than I am of dragging the blade across my wrists. We'll see who wins in the end.
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jun 24, 2013

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    She Knows

    My partner found out that I am posting in ep and talking on the net and she reacted exactly the way I expected, hence the reason I did not tell her. She freaked out I tried to explain but she does not listen she thinks I am having an affair of some shorts. She has no idea...
    Blind Blind 36-40, F 8 Responses Aug 14, 2007

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    Life

    Life just keeps getting me down.. It seems like everything I try to do ends up failing.. I feel like total crap all the time.. I just don't want to get out of bed anymore and I keep thinking those thoughts of going back to cutting.. I just feel like I'm fading away and not...
    Crimsonstorm Crimsonstorm 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 5, 2013

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    All Consuming .

    I have them all the time , it's like a voice picking away at my brain day in and day out . Most of the time I can push them away and get on with my day but other times they wear me down .  I know what I have to live for but I'm so tired , so so tired of fighting them . I knock...
    certifiable certifiable 70+, F 3 Responses Oct 17, 2011

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    Why.. 3

    I never thought I'd find myself this far down,so alone..broken..lost..miserable and hopeless.. blinded by my so many heavy tears and weighed down by every faliure and pain ,which way to run to, where to go and who to run too.. I tryed reaching out but everyone seems to busy now...
    Dgk187 Dgk187 18-21 Apr 29, 2013

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    Alone

        human life full of sorrow full of woe     but still we endure we choose to live we still find joy within the sorrow     must there be a meaningmust...
    annie12550 annie12550 41-45, F 1 Response Apr 13, 2013

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    Why?

    why do i bother to fight? why do i bother to keep on surviving,and existing? i was in this,relationship,with this girl. she was, very a very unique person,to me. so i fell,for her,rather hard. i told her how i felt.and she responded the same back. i love you,i said. and i...
    VoloNoscere VoloNoscere 22-25, M Jul 28, 2013

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    Almost Daily

    This is something that has plagued me for some time now and I am only now beginning to feel comfortable discussing it. At 13 I attempted suicide by swallowing a bottle of hydrogen peroxide. It burned horribly but I survived with out hospitalization. At 21 I took a bottle of...
    tkhaler1987 tkhaler1987 26-30, M 1 Response Dec 2, 2013

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    To Everyone Who Cuts,Suffers Depression Or Is Suicidal

    I joined this group even though I don't fight or battle depression as you all do. Why did I join this group? Because, I'd like to hear your stories. I want to help you, in any way possible. It sounds so stupid but I just want to help everyone in the world, just stop cutting...
    BlahBlahUNICORNS BlahBlahUNICORNS 18-21, F Aug 17, 2013

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    I Battle With Suicidal Thoughts For 4 Months , Dont Know How Much I Can Handle .

    I lost the only one who loved me , my brother .He was the only one i could count on no matter what .All of my dreams and hopes included him , i never had anyone who truly cared about me , they all judge me of my weak appearence and i always left alone to rot cause i was different...
    KidWithVisions KidWithVisions 18-21 Oct 3, 2013

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    It's Been Rough Lately

    I have never shared my feeling with a large group, especially not about my sadness and lonelyness. I feel like I've been getting closer to the edge recently. I don't know what it is that made it all become worse, but It has hit me as a truck. If you would ask people around me...
    bjolin28 bjolin28 18-21 Aug 6, 2013

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    Trainstopper

    i tried to kill myself by being hit by a train... twice. (Last winter & spring) obviously im still here. I swear i never got any "better" each day i feel the heartache that brings me agony, im really good at smiling and going on aparently though since nobody noticed anything...
    sewXmyselfXshut sewXmyselfXshut 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 19, 2011

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    In a Moment of Darkness

    You are fighting to survive why? You feel like you are drowning. There isn't anyone who could possibly understand what you are feeling because YOU don't understand it yourself. Your moods go from sad to sucidal in a blink. You are afraid. Afraid of life,death,yourself. You stand...
    Blind Blind 36-40, F 1 Response Aug 20, 2007

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    Worthless Me

    I don’t know why I feel this way. Perhaps it’s just a manifestation of my being a miserable git?? I have a constant feeling of self worthlessness. Why am I even here? Am I a coward for persevering, or a hero for trying? I do know one thing, I’m scared. Scared of what; I...
    AshZarak AshZarak 41-45 Dec 17, 2012

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    "Help"

    Right. That's just the thing, I don't want it. I keep thinking about the world I live in, how people act, all the pain and suffering, all the worrying, the anxiousness, the difficulties, lack of money, lack of sleep, working crazily just to survive, lose the people I love on the...
    womaninchains womaninchains 22-25, F Sep 8, 2013

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    Trying To Make Change

    I have written a few stories on here felling suicidal. I had the thought again within the last week or so. It took me a long time to figure out why is triggering these events. I worked out the list which I share below. 1)A non supportive family. My father placed me in foster...
    ChillyWilly82 ChillyWilly82 31-35, M Aug 9, 2013

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    What's Next

    You know how it is when you're up late at night watching tv, surfing the web, playing xbox, reading a book, or whatever it is that you do, and you're really tired, and you know you should go to bed but you just don't want to yet?  I mean, part of you wants to because you're...
    eromreven eromreven 26-30 5 Responses Jan 26, 2008

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    Ongoing..

    It's a battle I fear I will fight in for the rest of my life. So long as I feel as deeply as I do now, so long as I am able to fall as fast as I can now. I don't talk about it outside of EP. No one knows. Which is good because it's not something to take lightly Honestly, it makes...
    Girlonwire Girlonwire 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 3, 2011

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    I Have Lost

    You know what the so-called cynically depressed person who tries to kill himself doesn’t do so out of line of despondency or any abstract zeal that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly alluring. The person in whom its unseen...
    dieyoung87 dieyoung87 26-30 Jun 27, 2013

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    Now

    This has never happened to me before Yes I've thought about dying countless of times But I've never had these thoughts in my head I think about them all the time now How no one cares about me now So no one will care about me when I'm gone No one knows I exist only two do And one...
    InmemoryofLifelessStar InmemoryofLifelessStar 18-21, F 1 Response May 3, 2011

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    The Note

    There are so many things in this world that I love, and that make me happy. But that doesn't matter anymore. Someone has taken my joy and I will never be the same again. I can't pretend anymore. Who am I without my nightmares and my tears? Who is here with me now. No one. There...
    Gehnta Gehnta 22-25, F Jan 30, 2011

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    It's Real, Therefor Hell...

    Since I first started getting these thoughts and feelings, not one day has the urge sub-sided. There are no good days with this. Each day is just an excersize in delay. It is a trip because, until the beginning of the summer I never had these thoughts. And, to this day I can...
    EricS EricS 26-30, M 5 Responses Oct 5, 2008

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    Hopeless

    Trailing from a rose red smile liquid red A sweet caress A razors touch Memories of ages,gone Life,a bitter dream Bewildered No longer I drain the silent scream Finality of fatality And still no escape!!!
    Spitbak Spitbak 41-45, M 1 Response Jan 31, 2012

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    Stuck And I Am Done

    I feel as though I am stuck in a rut. That life especially my life is pointless. I feel as though the world is a cruel place and if you can’t keep up you will be eaten alive. I figured that you are going to die sooner or later why stick around to live a long antagonizing...
    Jan 29, 2013

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    It'S Complicated. I Tried But Failed.

    First thing I need to say is this is a cry for help. I'm not depressed I'm just desperate for a solution. I'm not an attention seeker I just want to talk it out with someone. I've planed to live a happy life so that's what I'm going for. But my parents still can't understand that...
    Deepess Deepess 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 30, 2013

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    Why Not?

    I can see the pills. They're right there. Ready to be popped along with some vodka. I keep telling myself not to...But every time I say so, I ask myself...Why not? Why would I not just take them and finally end my pain? Why would I not just take myself away? Should I stay for...
    Jeanellaisha Jeanellaisha 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 23, 2013

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    I Have What More Do You Want........

      I have tried to get some help before but I always seem to say the wrong things and then they just disappear.  About a month ago one night the darkness was clouding my mind I was sitting holding a gun to my head working at finding some courage to pull that trigger...
    Blind Blind 36-40, F 3 Responses Aug 20, 2007

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    "i Kill Myself Everyday In My Head."

    I'm not sure exactly where I read it. But it's the only quote I know that can describe my daily life. Everday I wake up wishing I hadn't made it through the night. And every night I go to bed, I wish I hadn't made it through the day. The only thing that keeps me holding on is the...
    anonymouss18 anonymouss18 18-21 2 Responses Apr 24, 2011

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    Thoughts

    These thoughts, they disappear for days and sometimes weeks. They're back again, the thought of getting up is painful, the thought of going to work is painful, the thought of my life going on like this is painful.I wonder what would it be like, if I weren't here. Would I be...
    daisy912 daisy912 36-40 Nov 12, 2011

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    Coming Off A Xanax Binge

    I cant get outside my own head. I just want the thoughts to stop. I cant sleep Ive lost my job, I have no money rent is late. There is no point. Im completely lost and just want to drowned in my own sick head.
    jkoko jkoko 22-25, F Feb 5, 2013

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    Relationship Problem

    Hi, my name is Ava and Im 23yrs of age and at this age I have a lot going on that I can't deal with. One of the major problem that I have is with my Boyfriend. We've been together for a year and things just been going all wrong ever since. I am a woman and I feel like I deserve...
    AvaD2010 AvaD2010 22-25, F Nov 19, 2013

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    I Can't Seem To Find Happiness Anymore

    I'm a mother of 2 and I suffer from hypomanic bipolar with severe anxiety and depression. My husband is verbally abuse and I'm not as tiny as I use to be. He cheats on me constantly and I know about all of them. I use to be so in dependant and I took care of all of my family...
    soullost37 soullost37 36-40, F Nov 9, 2013

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    The Pain I've Felt

    I have made attempts my rape started this I feel I have nothing
    Applelovergod Applelovergod 22-25 2 Responses Sep 3, 2013

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    No More Fighting

    How can we keep fighting, when there is no strength anymore. When we know we can't win the fight alone. But there's no help. No support. No re-enforcements. It wants to isolate us. To make us fight alone. When we stand before it, trying to battle it, alone, it just gets stronger...
    Cursedboy Cursedboy 36-40, M 6 Responses Oct 7, 2008

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    Almost Daily

    I battle with the issue of suicide very regularly because I am always trying to please everyone else. I do for others like I would like others to do for me, but don't get the return favors. I battle with depression, loneliness, low self-esteem, etc. and it makes me wonder if...
    Bubbles48509 Bubbles48509 36-40, F Jan 28, 2013

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    I Could Be A Director

           I was sitting on a ledge of a high parking building. The building was 7 floors high, 7 large floors. I had just snuck away from my significant other while he sat on the curb at the bus terminal reading a real estate brochure. I looked over his shoulder and saw all...
    INSPIREe INSPIREe 18-21, F 3 Responses May 9, 2012

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    Suicidal? READ THIS

    You’re sitting at your desk. You know it’s time to go. You’ve said that to yourself over a million times. But this time you know, for sure, is real. You’re tired. You’re just so very tired. Your parents pissed you off. Like school wasn’t bad enough today. You go to...
    prettybrowneyes1993 prettybrowneyes1993 18-21, F Oct 18, 2013

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    Done

    I have attempted suicide several times and have always failed. I am hoping that this time will be different and it will all be over. I have noone to talk to and nowhere to turn for help so I am just giving up.
    ASimmons ASimmons 36-40, F May 11, 2013

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    The Only Thing Stopping Me Is The Pain I Will Cause My Family.

    I'm 18 years old. I have been suffering from depression for a few years now, but back then I didn't know what it was. I recently got friendly with a girl and my depression started to get worse and I started having suicidal thoughts. She basically tossed me aside and went back to...
    Jacobisnotmyrealname Jacobisnotmyrealname 18-21 1 Response Jan 11, 2013

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    Stay Strong ≪3

    Please don't hurt yourself, stay strong ❤ You are worth more than that number on the scales, those nasty names they call you. You have so many reasons to live and it may not seem like it but somebody out there is dying to see that beautiful smile back on your face. Your such a...
    Jadiehillary Jadiehillary 26-30, F Apr 24, 2013

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    Related Experiences

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    It's been a tough week so far. I just want to be left alone with my thoughts today.. 😒
    TearfulNights22 TearfulNights22 22-25, F 3 Responses Apr 10

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