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I Believe In Humor

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 311 People

    Naughty Ones

    Doctor: "Please take off your clothes." Dentist: "Now open wide and hold still." Veterinarian: "How's your pretty *****?" Gardener: "Want me to fertilize your bush?" Lawyer: "Let's go over section 69." Banker: "If you withdraw too early you lose interest." Chef: "Do...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jul 22, 2013

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    Ah-men

    THERE ARE 4 KIND OF MEN.. 1. THE EUROPEANS they have 1 wife and 1 girlfrnd but they love their wife most . 2 THE AMERICANS They have 1 wife and 1 girlfrnd but they love their girlfrnd the most.. 3. THE INDIANS They have 1 wife and 4 girlfrnds but they love their mother the most...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Aug 29, 2013

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    Wrong Email ID

    A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile... a widow who had just returned from her husband's...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Aug 15, 2013

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    Three Guys And A Murder Victim

    There were three friends. At first none of them could speak at all. Then they all got jobs. The first became a music instructor. He learned to say, "Me me me me me". The second became a waiter. He learned to say, "Forks and knives forkes and knives". The third worked in a candy...
    emgrimm2011 emgrimm2011 22-25, F Jun 23, 2013

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    The Cardigan

    I was in a clothing store when I heard a customer complaining to a salesclerk. "I love this cardigan, but it's ruined by this big button on it," she moaned. "It's the wrong color, it looks ridiculous, and it sticks out. You should speak to the designer and tell them to remake...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 15, 2013

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    You'll Be Mad To Miss It!

    girl dips her doll in a red, hair-dye, tucks it nicely within a bath-tub, walks the direction of a boy he fancies and say; come and see, you'll be mad to miss it!unimpressed, he turns around disappointed and says to himself; thought i would be scared by a soaked doll.no matter...
    strickenburg strickenburg 36-40, M Jul 12, 2012

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    Three Jokes

    NO. 1 A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep. The next day, their driver died of poisoning. NO.2 A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked Dad why? He answered so...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Mar 4, 2013

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    Fallen

    An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery. During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit!" Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: 'fallen'. From then on, anyone who had committed...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Aug 12, 2013

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    Humor

    It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Aug 4, 2013

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    Black Humor

    Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Karen says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies: "Mom...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Mar 4, 2013

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    Things My Mother Taught Me

    Things my mother taught me ... My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done - if you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning. My mother taught me religion - you better pray that will come out of the carpet. My mother taught me about time...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Jul 13, 2013

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    "Graveyard Humor"

    Bill: How's the grave digging job going? Jim: I must be doing pretty good. I'm not getting any complaints from the tenants.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Jul 16, 2013

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    Professor

    It was professor smith's first day at St. Johns medical college as a faculty. Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm welcome from the students, followed by their intro. To start with, he...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jun 11, 2013

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    Things My Mother Taught Me - Part 2

    MORE things my mother taught me ... My mother taught me the circle of life - I brought you into this world, and i can take you out. My mother taught me about behavior modification - stop acting like your father! My mother taught me about anticipation - just wait until we...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 14, 2013

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    The Bakery

    A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery. The Arab steals 3 pastries and puts them in his pocket. He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see anything!" The Jew says to the Arab, "I am going to show you there is nobody better than a Jew stealing." He goes to the owner...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jun 11, 2013

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    Testicle Therapy

    Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Aug 6, 2013

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    People.

    God decided to encourage people to have fewer children and introduced an award scheme… During the procedure at one point, he concentrated on learning about the situation in India : He first met Jawaharlal Nehru in heaven, and asked him how many children he had during his time...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jan 21, 2013

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    Marriage Jokes

    1. Quote on a man’s T-shirt: All women are devils... But my wife is QUEEN of them! 2. Man was sent on earth to suffer... Woman was sent to make sure it happens! 3. A man asked for poison. Chemist refused, since it required prescription. He showed his Marriage Certificate...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jun 23, 2013

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    New Dad Humor

    New father asks doctor: "Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?" Doc replies: "When the kids are in college."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 9, 2013

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    Professor

    A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife: Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jun 23, 2013

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    Humor Is The Spice Of Life

    Life is bad as it is and I think if we are always so uptight and never loosen up, we'll be miserable forever, which will drive people away from you. Humour and funny experiences as well as laughter connects people and I guess that's what's needed to make life less stressful
    sadshadow sadshadow 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 13, 2013

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    Dont Mess With Her

    Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?' When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jun 20, 2013

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    Pastor

    An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an Internal Revenue Canada agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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    Heart Transplant

    A fellow prostitute goes to the hospital to visit her girlfriend who is about to haveheart transplant (donated by a man) . She’s worried about the friend so she asks the doctor… Prostitute: “I’m worried about my frienddoc, what if her body rejects the man’s organ...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jun 18, 2013

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    Irish

    An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the Casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.' With that, she ******** from the neck...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Mar 4, 2013

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    Kompletely Finished Airlines

    The Kompletely Finished Airlines (KFA) was on the brink. Its pilots were on strike and staff had not been paid salaries for six months. Banks, which had lent huge sums of money, were closing in. But there was one reason why KF Airlines still drew passengers; it was hijack proof...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Aug 4, 2013

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    Bird Talk.

    A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, But they only know to say one thing.' 'What do they say?' the priest asked. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' 'That's obscene!' the priest...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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    Man And Woman

    Water in the carburettor WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous " WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor." HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Sep 4, 2013

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    Id marry someone who could make me laugh,

    i love a good laugh now and then Someone not awkwardly seeking laughs or just an attention grabbing jester Just someone who can see the humour in things and has a clever wit about them.
    Lcole Lcole 22-25, F 2 Responses Dec 8, 2013

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    British Humor

    BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! ___________________________________________ FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Aug 4, 2013

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    Polygamy

    How Many Wives Can A Christian Marry? A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly: "How...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jul 3, 2013

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    Nut Case

    A young Woman who was several months Pregnant was sitting in a Bus....... ... When she noticed a young Man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her Seat and He seemed more amused. She moved again and then on seeing him laughing...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jun 11, 2013

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    "The Duck And The Chicken"

    A duck was standing on the curb looking across the street when a chicken yelled to him... "Don't do it buddy, you will never hear the end of it!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 11, 2013

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    Arrested For Laughing...!!

    This is from an actual trial in the UK. A young Woman who was several months Pregnant was sitting in a Bus....... ... When she noticed a young Man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her Seat and He seemed more amused. She...
    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses Jun 23, 2013

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    Doctor'S Assistant

    A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. “Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.” “Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus. The doctor...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jun 23, 2013

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    Watch What You Eat!!

    An Englishman is having breakfast, in Paris, one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. Frenchman: “You English folk eat...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jun 18, 2013

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    Forrest Gump

    The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Mar 4, 2013

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    Ha Ha, Blah Blah Blah ........

    I got a good laugh this morning. I am STILL laughing about this! Here's what happened: I joined the group about expressing your option in 5 words or less. I did. The first story went through just fine ........ 5 words. Having had fun, I wrote another one ....... 5 words. Posting...
    Kathieredart Kathieredart 56-60, F 3 Responses Apr 27, 2012

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    Tech Support

    I laughed so hard after I read this! I just had to share it. Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Jul 8, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    Life can break one in so many ways . So cruel and unrelenting at times .I consider myself fortunate for having had a Mom with a great sense of humor and maybe by osmosis I...
    MizCamille MizCamille 41-45, F 5 Responses Sep 6

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    I have a weird sense of humor and I like people with a weird sense of humor. Serious humor, dry humor,blunt humor, dirty humor. It's attractive too :)
    PhilosophicMind PhilosophicMind 18-21, F Aug 31

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    Everyone's life sucks. It doesn't matter if you're living as a suburbanite in a "first world" country, a rag picker in India or a member of European royalty, there are things...
    CrazyWaterSpring CrazyWaterSpring 51-55, M 1 Response Aug 26

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    When I was very young my grandparents used to watch my younger sister and I. My grandmother, who was an amazing woman that I miss very much, told me when you don't know what to do...
    lilHuman lilHuman 22-25, F 1 Response Aug 29

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    I'm a chronic over-thinker, so I try to keep things light. Tragic circumstances call for morbid humor. As inappropriate as it may be, that's how I deal. Some of the most heated...
    adianoeta adianoeta 26-30, F 5 Responses Sep 2

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    Let not the years outrun humor...
    betweenhereandthere betweenhereandthere 61-65, M Sep 9

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    Former president George W. Bush must have had a great sense of humor! Everything he said made everyone start laughing!!
    Yu12 Yu12 26-30, M 1 Response Sep 9

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    Regardless how beautiful a woman is. If she doesn't have a good sense of humor, she suddenly becomes ugly.
    OdeSlinger OdeSlinger 26-30, M 4 Responses Sep 9

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    I do have a good sense of humor but I don't try to be funny because when you try it you become ridiculous.It's better to be yourself and say things naturally.
    TheVase TheVase 18-21 2 Responses Sep 13

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    Comedy has been defined as tragedy plus time. The trick is to learn how to shorten the time. I have had a few Epic Bad Days. You begin to wonder, what else could go wrong. When it...
    Luvhugeuptop Luvhugeuptop 46-50, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    It is hotter than a 2 dollar bill down here. And I hate to awaken already sweating before I get out of bed; even with the a/c on . My biggest gripe is not the high temperatures...
    MizCamille MizCamille 41-45, F 1 Response Sep 9

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    I'm not Christian, so I can't say I believe this because God made us with a purpose... But I believe every living thing has its' place in life, minor or major.. They all have a...
    WouldyeKindly WouldyeKindly 13-15, F 6 hrs ago

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